This is a very good story that seems to be saying that love is universal, even in some of the less desireable aspects of life.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'As good as assassins comes(come). '; 'for some reason his faces(face) pops into my head . . . spreads it’s(its) way across my chest '; 'coldness rushes to take it’s(their) place.'; and, 'There’s(There're) tears in her eyes.'.
This is a very moving little story of a childhood relationship that cannot be forgotten. You've done a good job of painting the era, pastimes and attitudes of the times.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Seeing her forty(-)five years after my graduation from high school,'; and, 'Their comments were limited to(,) “She's a nice girl.” '.
This is a very nice story, but the premise is just too fantastic to be believed. First Judas yanks the IVs from his arms and then, 15 minutes later, enters a skateboarding contest that he subsequently wins; secondly, by a knock on the head suddenly enabling him to speak and hear "better than normal".
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' it was the same name as the prophet(?apostle?) who betrayed Jesus, '; 'and if I could go back in time to relieve(relive) it, I’d would.'; and, ' “The CAT scan results were mixed u(?) with yours.'.
This is a beautiful and moving story of a long-lasting love facing the challenge of a lifetime. You've put us right into your protagonist's shoes. Your description of the area is absolutely terrific.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Weeks paged by(,) marked by blooming daffodils '; and, ' He’d gotten an eleven(-)point buck.'.
This is a beautiful piece of wonderful childhood memories of a happy time and feelings of freedom. The surprise at the end is a bonus.
A couple of possible editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The cast(-)off bract rustles under my feet.'; and, 'stands tall, its branches like well(-)muscled arms.'.
Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is a terrific little poem. Can't help but wonder how many kids have been frightened by those soaking dentures. Think you've captured their feelings of terror very nicely.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is an excellent beginning of this seguel to The Book. It picks right up where the other left off and continues on with the mystery continuing to deepen.
This is very well written and flows smoothly.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'know an important, history(-)making(,-delete) meeting of "The Hounds" was about to take place. '; '"We do have our fun.(,)" Judas asserted, '; 'you two are forming an American(-)style baseball team. '; ' "Your(You're) right," he agreed,'; and, ' "As little as possible.(,)" Adolph answered, '.
This looks as if it could be an interesting story, but it's difficult to tell with such a small sample. Much depends on where you plan to go from here.
It seems as if some cataclysmic climate change, or something, has altered the previous reality. The question is: Does that change, and the protagonist's reaction to it, include a story.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: '(My mother turns to me.-delete, since it makes it seem as if the mother is speaking, instead of the child.) “Can we come back tomorrow?” '; 'For or what she seen(saw) coming has already happened, '; and, 'though few understand what it was,(.) those(Those) few, including my mother, '.
This is a beautiful piece where you've done a terrific job creating the images seen. It does, however, need a considerable amount of additional work.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first half of this piece: 'The usual christmas(Christmas) carols rang through the air '; 'Yet, it seams(seems) that work was the main factor '; 'my daughter called that stranger(strange) man her father.'; 'Tears rang(ran?) out of my eyes,'; 'But (the-delete) seconds before the two could arrive to(reached?) me, '; 'The familiar Christmas card snap shop(snapshot) of the Christ's birth '; 'It seams(seems) as though I was not allowed to alter history at all.'; and, 'The answer was obviously(obvious),'.
This is a very captivating piece abouta trip into a "foreign" country and the personal changes it brought about. This is well written and flows smoothly.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I needed to leave behind the middle(-)class life '; and, 'there were those who(,) when you met them(,) you felt instantly connected, '.
This is a delightfully funny tale of a squirrelly attic. Loved it! You have really brought this couple to life and led your reader through their troubles and interactions. Good job.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'if bushy(-)tailed rodents are running loose,'; 'obsessed and(,) God help me, I love her. '; 'Dale, my old high(-)school buddy, '; 'New housing had sprang(sprung) up along the way '; and, 'By mid(-)afternoon, I was in the recliner,'.
This is an interesting little piece that bespeaks of the obsession some seem to have with sports on one kind or another. It is, overall, well written.
It does seem to me to be more of an essay than a short story. A story has a beginning that introduces a protagonist and his/her problem; a middle where he/she addresses the problem; and, an ending where some sort of resolution is reached.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'when i(I) think about my life.'; 'occasionally drive it into eachother's(each other's) faces. Why would there be people coming from Canada, New York, and Cleavland(Cleveland) to play? '; 'one question that lead(led) into another.'; 'when the(they) drop a ball or miss a serve(,) I think they're going to pull a gun out'; 'there are still twenty(-)four left?'; 'daughters like over ninety-nine(-)cent gasoline.'; and, 'This was a short piece that(')s real... '.
This is a very clever piece that was certainly an entertaining read. It is well written and flows nicely.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'If you want my reassurance(,) you’ve got to earn it.” '; 'random names Frank called him (by-delete, unnecessary) and he'; 'knowing he successfully it(hit?) a nerve. '; ' “Well(,) lover boy,” persisted Alex,'; and, 'shared a tender three(-)way embrace. '.
This is an excellent story where you have done a great job of putting your reader into the position of the young girl and showing every happening through her eyes. Well done.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'She watched each one of the parent(')s faces light up with joy '; ' “Come on(,) mum...(,)” She(she) muttered under her breath.'; 'I wouldn’t be here to have dinner with you(,) my darling.’ '; 'wood chips beside the sing(swing) set over one shoulder. '; 'But she’d never wondered(wandered) around this late, '; ' “ ‘scuse('Scuse) me(,) sir, but where’s my mummy?” '; and, 'The art work (slipped) from under her arm (slipped-delete) to the ground, '.
This is a short piece that is very full of feelings. It would be improved if you were to write it out in actual scenes that the reader can experience.
This is all one very long paragraph. It would be improved by being broken up into shorter ones.
Some of the sentences are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'It(')s like no other emotional pain, '; and, 'the feelings that are felt are like knifes(knives) stabbing you in the heart.'.
This is an interesting tale of a man/spirit protecting the forest. It does need s bit of additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'and many people think that (is) all he will ever do.'; 'If the girl was(were) conscious, '; 'He thought about these (things) for a long time, '; ' “Who are you,(?)” she whimpered very softly.'; and, ' “Visit anytime(,) Isabel. '.
This is an interesting poem that seems to be of a person attempting to assuage resentment against the reminder of a horrific accident that claimed lives. Not sure if I'm interpreting it correctly.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Of loved ones I use(used) to know.'; and, 'This chainsaws'(chainsaw's) my cure.'.
Since I don't write poetry, I feel unqualified to address any technicalities of the writing.
This, to me, is a strange poem that I'm not sure I understand. Are you speaking about a current relationship in which you wish you had previously been more open about your feelings? That seems to be the "feel" I get.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The silence left a tste(taste?) of venom in my mouth'; 'To think I would cowar(cower)'; 'Somewhat faultering(faltering)'; and, 'In your innocence getting you to become sable(stable?)'.
Since I am not a poet, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing.
This is an interesting piece of conversation. I believe that you sometimes have positive statements when you really mean negative and some of the dialog seems a little stilted and unnatural.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'would I have married you if I have ever(hadn't ever) loved you?” '; 'I wonder often (time enough-delete, unnecessary) whatever could have possessed me to accept your propose(proposal) then.” '; and, ' “If you (don't?) tell me you love me, we shall divorce this afternoon.” '.
This has the potential of being an extremely gripping story. However, it does a considerable amount of work on the technicalities of the writing itself.
The first word ov each sentence should be begun with a capital letter.
All spoken words should be enclosed in quotation marks.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. Watch particularly for confusion between "to" and "too" and for the missing apostrophe in contractions.
The following editorial suggestions were found in the first couple of paragraphs: 'she is 14 yrs(years) old, '; 'demanded that she got(get) one,'; so she got her (own-delete, unnecessary) one off of her friend. it(It) was pink,'; and, 'she(She) became a member and meet(met) this guy (on-delete, unnecessary) there,(.) he(He) said he was just a little bit older than Ella, she believed him,(.)'.
This is a cute tale of being saved by a duck. Very entertaining.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'A duck waddled up to her mid(-)stride in the middle '; ' “Quack!”, was it’s(its) response.'; 'beat it’s(its) wings feverishly.'; ' It cocked it’s(its) head'; and, ' “Are you alright(,) lady?”, a young man asked '.
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