This is a very clever piece that was certainly an entertaining read. It is well written and flows nicely.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'If you want my reassurance(,) you’ve got to earn it.” '; 'random names Frank called him (by-delete, unnecessary) and he'; 'knowing he successfully it(hit?) a nerve. '; ' “Well(,) lover boy,” persisted Alex,'; and, 'shared a tender three(-)way embrace. '.
This is an excellent story where you have done a great job of putting your reader into the position of the young girl and showing every happening through her eyes. Well done.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'She watched each one of the parent(')s faces light up with joy '; ' “Come on(,) mum...(,)” She(she) muttered under her breath.'; 'I wouldn’t be here to have dinner with you(,) my darling.’ '; 'wood chips beside the sing(swing) set over one shoulder. '; 'But she’d never wondered(wandered) around this late, '; ' “ ‘scuse('Scuse) me(,) sir, but where’s my mummy?” '; and, 'The art work (slipped) from under her arm (slipped-delete) to the ground, '.
This is a short piece that is very full of feelings. It would be improved if you were to write it out in actual scenes that the reader can experience.
This is all one very long paragraph. It would be improved by being broken up into shorter ones.
Some of the sentences are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'It(')s like no other emotional pain, '; and, 'the feelings that are felt are like knifes(knives) stabbing you in the heart.'.
This is an interesting tale of a man/spirit protecting the forest. It does need s bit of additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'and many people think that (is) all he will ever do.'; 'If the girl was(were) conscious, '; 'He thought about these (things) for a long time, '; ' “Who are you,(?)” she whimpered very softly.'; and, ' “Visit anytime(,) Isabel. '.
This is an interesting poem that seems to be of a person attempting to assuage resentment against the reminder of a horrific accident that claimed lives. Not sure if I'm interpreting it correctly.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Of loved ones I use(used) to know.'; and, 'This chainsaws'(chainsaw's) my cure.'.
Since I don't write poetry, I feel unqualified to address any technicalities of the writing.
This, to me, is a strange poem that I'm not sure I understand. Are you speaking about a current relationship in which you wish you had previously been more open about your feelings? That seems to be the "feel" I get.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The silence left a tste(taste?) of venom in my mouth'; 'To think I would cowar(cower)'; 'Somewhat faultering(faltering)'; and, 'In your innocence getting you to become sable(stable?)'.
Since I am not a poet, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing.
This is an interesting piece of conversation. I believe that you sometimes have positive statements when you really mean negative and some of the dialog seems a little stilted and unnatural.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'would I have married you if I have ever(hadn't ever) loved you?” '; 'I wonder often (time enough-delete, unnecessary) whatever could have possessed me to accept your propose(proposal) then.” '; and, ' “If you (don't?) tell me you love me, we shall divorce this afternoon.” '.
This has the potential of being an extremely gripping story. However, it does a considerable amount of work on the technicalities of the writing itself.
The first word ov each sentence should be begun with a capital letter.
All spoken words should be enclosed in quotation marks.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. Watch particularly for confusion between "to" and "too" and for the missing apostrophe in contractions.
The following editorial suggestions were found in the first couple of paragraphs: 'she is 14 yrs(years) old, '; 'demanded that she got(get) one,'; so she got her (own-delete, unnecessary) one off of her friend. it(It) was pink,'; and, 'she(She) became a member and meet(met) this guy (on-delete, unnecessary) there,(.) he(He) said he was just a little bit older than Ella, she believed him,(.)'.
This is a cute tale of being saved by a duck. Very entertaining.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'A duck waddled up to her mid(-)stride in the middle '; ' “Quack!”, was it’s(its) response.'; 'beat it’s(its) wings feverishly.'; ' It cocked it’s(its) head'; and, ' “Are you alright(,) lady?”, a young man asked '.
This is an interesting little tale up until the very last paragraph, which didn't seem to "fit" with the rest of the story.
Suggest making note of the difference between "its" the possessive form of a thing and "it's" which is the contraction of the words "it is", as this error is very evident in this piece.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' While the color of it’s(its) skin '; 'Secondly, It’s(its) slender body is smooth and supple, . . . is in it’s(its) mannerisms.'; and, 'In startled amazement(,) the dragon let out a raucous belch,'.
This is an interesting beginning of this story that seems to be developing into a young love triangle. It does, however, need a considerable amount of additional work.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
There are some discreptancies here. For example: Ryan asked Benji to call him back, yet no further mention is of a call; and, Benji's dad is driving to the theater, but the mom is driving back, with no explanation.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first four paragraphs: 'described as a active(,) black(-)haired(,) tanned(,) Caucasian kid'; 'He was different then(than) the other kids though, '; 'adopted parents, Melanie and Johnathan Raibell(,) knew nothing '; 'He and his foster(adopted/adoptive) family lived '; 'It had 2(two) floors, a first floor and a second floor, with out(without) a basement.';
This is a very interesting story of a close encounter of a different kind. Your adding the glossary was very helpful.
This story is well written and flows smoothly.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'dabblers in the super-natural(supernatural), her latest fad;'; 'seaside for a nice holiday(,) ma’am.'; 'my spiral(-)bound note-book(notebook), '; ' “Care for some iced lemonade(,) dikra?'; and, 'her colonial(-)style bungalow. '.
This is a story that grabs the reader, pulls him/her in and carries them right along to the end. It does, however, need a bit of additional work.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Jerry pulled the tire off (of-delete, unnecessary) the axle.'; ' “Damn it(,) Maureen, you listen to me!” '; ' “You don’t know pain(,) Maureen, '; and, ' “Be careful(,) honey.” '.
This is a fascinating story of a "ghostly" revenge. There seems to be a link missing, however, between Greg and the infamous killer - other than the fact that he was his girlfriend's brother. Did he have something to do with him being turned in or caught? Was he the person who shot him or stole the jacket?
This is, overall, well written and flows nicely.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'his lips crested in to(into) a subtle grin, '; and, 'cut through the dark, rain(-)filled night.'.
This is a good story - up to the ending, which I felt was a bit of a letdown. Unless, of course, you were planning on using this as a lead-in to a longer story which explains who the "they" are and what they are after or what threat they pose.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a really cute story that aptly illustrates the divide between adult and child thinking.
This is well written and flows smoothly.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'you're going to be to(too) busy to play with them." '; and, 'He looks for a friendly face(,) one he knows that he can trust '.
This is a very helpful article which I very much enjoyed. I feel that well-rounded protagonists are something that I need to work on and you've provided here several useful tips. Well done.
This is a very good story of a first-rate scam that involved no lying but simply allowed others to reach their own conclusions. Terrific!
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'business executives entertaining high(-)value clients'; 'shouted, "what(What) is it?" '; ' Go take a peak(peek) out there. '; ' "They're still here(,) sir. '; 'rape of his own six(-)year(-)old daughter. '; ' "Oh yes(,) sir. I mean, we've been saving'; 'appeared as though th(the) tab would exceed $2,000, '; 'you're talking about there(,) Hank, '; and, ' Jenny then asked, "what(What) do I get to be this time Ron?" (New paragraph) Ron smiled. (")You'll find out soon enough. This'll be the best one yet.(")'.
This is a really funny piece of all that go wrong when one is trying a new recipe when already tired. I thoroughly enjoyed your descriptions of the "errors".
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'almost twenty-eight(-)year(-)old woman and have I(I have) made my first cake from scratch.'; 'birthday with my big brother(,) Tim.'; 'pimply seventeen(-)year(-)old clerk '; ' remove my pristine home made(homemade) cake'; and, ' went out side(outside) for a breath of fresh air'.
This is a really cute little story and that is also more than a bit sad.
This is well written and flows nicely.
'A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: with all of our(the) expenses we have(,) Carol doesn’t have enough money'; 'home was $2.08 a gal(gallon) for reg(regular). Good thing I have a old (')81 Ford Ranger '; and, ' “I believe you(,) honey. '.
This little poem does a good job of getting across the feelings of one who has a crush on an "unobtainable" person, and how it occupies their every thought.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
Since I don't write poetry, I feel totally unqualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is a terrific story to which I could totally relate - especially the "cabin fever" part. I did wonder about the shotgun being used for squirrels, because of the mangling factor; my family always used 22 rifles.
At any rate this very well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion you may want to consider: ' I shed a layer of clothing and suck(sucked) the belly in '.
This is a very good tale of an unusual trip and some strange occurrences. It is well written and flows smoothly.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Now closed to (vehicular?) traffic, '; ' with an old(-)time feel, you half(-)expect to bump '; 'their three(-)dollar shrimp cocktails.'; ' What’s the matter(,) honey, '; ' “You’re not shy, or(are) you?” '; 'he tip toed(tiptoed) to lay his stuff on the rim of the sink '; ' “Well, you comin(') or ain’tcha?” Isaiah asked.'; ' While we waitin('), I’m gonna shine those shoes,'; and, ' “This is Vegas, man(,) and anything is bound to happen here! '.
This is a shivery tale of an introduction that paints a truly horrifying picture of a struggling humanity.
This is well written and flows nicely.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'It wasn’t long after (the-delete) learning of the apocalypse '; and, 'but rather how much longer (for-deleter, unnecessary)?'.
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