This is a cute piece that seems like a typical "almost two" child.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'You stand up in your crib and say(,) "Hi(,) baby!" '; 'Through our 30(-)minute drive you are "singing" to the radio'; 'All I do is think about you those 8(eight) hours I'm not there'; 'I charge out the door to(of) the office building once 4pm hits'; 'When you finally spot me at the door you cry(,) "Mama(!)" '; ' "Papa(!)" you shout as you run and give grandpa a hug'; 'Grandma comes home and you run to her saying(,) "Gegee" '; '"Daddy(,)" you say while you give him a food-filled hug'; 'Its(It's) almost bath time so you finish your applesauce dessert'; '"No(,)" you say and shake your little head'; '15(Fifteen) minutes go by with your water(-)time fun'; 'Daddy comes in to read you a bed time(bedtime) story'; and, 'Mommy can't wait for the weekend when 8(eight) hours of emptiness is(are) filled'.
This is a neat little poem that seems, to me, to be saying that all of the dreams we dreams as young lovers don't necessarily come about as we had hoped.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is a good poem that provides a nice illustration of nearly endless patience when awaiting someone you love. I envision a soldier serving in a war.
I did wonder at the sitting outside, even in the rain, since nothing is mentioned of a porch or any other kind of shelter.
In this stanza:
'I sat outside
Letting the sun hit my face
The whistling of the birds
The calmness of the blue sky';
it seems as if something is missing, since only one verb, "Letting" is used and it doesn't seem to go with the last two lines.
This is a truly gripping story of a young girl and what amounts to a fight for her life. You have done a very good job of putting your reader into her head and showing us how different triggers effect her.
This is well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'The fireplace(chimney?) was visible from where she stood,'.
This is a very well-plotted beginning to what seems to be intended to be a book. It does, however, need a considerable amount of additional work done on the writing itself.
There are a lot of repetitions of variations of the word "diggin", you might want to see if you can replace some of them.
Some of the paragraphs here are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Proper names and their titles should be capitalized.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Suggest checking for matching tenses of verbs as they seem to frequently switch.
Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first two paragraphs: ' It was (a) scorching sunny day . . . and the caterer(curator) of (the) British Museum, '; 'both were agreed to(on) some theories'; 'chamber of khufu’s(Khufu's) pyramid, . . . chamber of king khufu(King Khufu).'; ' “Can(')t believe that this chamber is(was) built '; 'by running his fingers on(over) it.'; 'He amusingly(?Right word?) called tom,(Tom) “hey!!!(Hey!) this is amazing… take a look here !(!-delete)”,(. New paragraph) tom(Tom), who was very much absorbed '; 'And replied in muttering(And muttered,) “this(This) can’t be….”(.-delete) (New paragraph) “May be(Maybe) we should contact Richard'; and, 'they can help us”.(,) Asad said (to tom-delete). Tom (seems-delete) agreed with asad(Asad).'.
I have read several chapters of these Writing Guidelines and have found them very informative.
I especially enjoyed the Chapter on comparisons between British, Australian and American English (since I always try not to to "mark" those spellings); the Chapter on Photo Prompts; and, especially, the one on Goggledygook. How much of THAT do we run into on a daily basis.
I intend to keep this piece in mind for future reference.
This is a really good poem. You've used some fantastic images to describe what we can sometimes find in the written word - those hidden treasures that we run across in some of the most unlikely places.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or puncuation.
Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is a very gripping story even though I forsaw the disaster when the pot was placed on the stove. It would be hilarious if it were not so serious.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Some of the paragraphs here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first half of this story: 'my wife,) Gayle(,) kissed me on the cheek'; 'I’m going up stairs(upstairs) to read for a bit.” '; 'all things any self(-)respecting caveman '; 'I(')ll beat Tiger Woods by 10 holes. '; 'any other self(-)respecting sports fan '; 'a beautiful star(-)filled night, '; and, 'looking as noble as a pure bread(purebred) boxer can look.'.
This is an interesting piece. However, I did wonder what was the subject on television that triggered this reaction; as well as the occasion causing everyone to be home in the middle of the afternoon, which is apparently unusual. That portion seems to be missing from this tale that paints a pretty accurate picture of society, as a whole, today.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'When i(I) walked into my home that afternoon,'; 'filled the air as we watched (the television-delete, repetitive from last sentence).'; 'walked down the once(-)beautiful street, '; 'It's(Its) once admirable beauty'; 'Were(Where) I was going '; 'It's(Its) beauty would never falter'; and, 'Our tears disappeared in the ocean(')s embrace.'.
This is an interesting tale of a strange boy and his stranger "companion". It does, however, need some additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'kids at school shunned him (away-delete, unnecessary),'; 'his legs felt like ancient pillars that would crumble before(under) him'; 'house which was black as his eye socket's(sockets). '; and, 'Tom's beheading(,) George woke up '.
This is an interesting piece that has inspirational potential. It does, however, need a considerable amount of additional work.
This is one long paragraph; suggest breaking it into shorter ones.
Also, when writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph and all spoken words should be enclosed in quotation marks.
Some of the sentences here are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'make different shoes(,-delete) and clothes, '; 'you think your(you're) going to make magic shoes'; 'he started to think, how(How) can I make magic shoes.'(Put thoughts in italics to differentiate from regular narrative.); and, 'he said(,) " the(The) sky is the limit'.
This is an interesting beginning to this story, but it does need a considerable amount of work.
The use of the word "average" in the first paragraph is very likely to mean many different things to different people. Suggest picturing what is meant through a descriptive sentence or two.
Suggest eliminating the parentheses and, if the information contained adds to the story, work it into the regular narrative.
Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun. For example: "good-looking man".
Would suggest trying to avoid "author interference" and simply tell the story.
You have created a very interesting, and most unusual, character here. I'm sure he would attract attention wherever he happened to put in an appearance.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'at least six(-) and(-)a(-)half(-)feet tall and four-hundred(-)some pounds. '; ' “How are you today(,) sir? '; and, ' “You can call me John(,) the sandwich man.'.
This is a good piece of the internal war in debating a declaration of love. You have done a good job of putting across the mixed feelings.
This is well written and flows nicely.
I did notice that it is all centered, a highly unusual format for prose. Was this intentional?
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I was scared to break the air(silence?) with my voice,'; and, 'but my soul reacted off(on) impulse.'.
This is an absolutely terrific poem. You have done an excellent job of describing the two-faced behavior of "false friends" and inspired readers into overcoming such influences. Well done.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a very nice poem proponing following the Christian instructions and acting as one should.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'I will fight and i(I) will win.'. I seems as if you've changed point of view here (if that's the right phrase) as the remainder of this piece is addressed to "you".
This is an interesting poem that I'm having a bit of difficulty understanding.
From your description, it seems that you are addressing relationships with two different people. However, this was not clear in the poem itself. It could also be two different phases of personaltiy in the same person, if that makes sense.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a good poem where you have used some very vivid language to describe the feelings that overtake with the changing of the season.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Parts of me(,) I supress(suppress)'; 'I just cannot(,) CANNOT(,) contain them in fall.'; and, 'Whether it's the crip(crisp) breeze with which the clouds roll by'.
This is an interesting poem where you have used very descriptive language to reveal the depth of your feelings. I loved the line, 'Going crazy without you, laying in bed'; so fitting of those late-night musings.
The colors of the font chosen do make reading it a little difficult, perhaps a bit darker shade would help.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a very interesting tale of a horrific influence in a young life. It does, however, need some additional work.
You may want to check the Public View as I think some line breaks aren’t where you intended.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The pleasure did not outweight(outweigh) the wait time, '; 'front of me, one, two, three(,) four. '; 'some dark(-)haired, short kid '; 'I spoke up and said(,) "hey(Hey), what the heck?'; 'At the time(,) I was more mad at myself '; 'I said(,) "yeah(Yeah), I know him, why?" '; and, 'profound effect this boy(')s death had on me.'.
This is an interesting piece that plays out a carefree life to its tragic ending. You have done a good job of getting across to the reader the personality of the subject - a sort of "devil-may-care" attitude.
Can't help but wonder if you intended to have this whole piece centered, as it is a very unusual format, or if it was an accident.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'my dress wiping(whipping?) circles around my calves'.
You have done a great job here depicting the growing symptoms of this horrible disease and allowing the reader to feel, by proxy, the growing sense of helplessness and loss of control over one's own body.
This is a very intersting character study that is well written and flows nicely.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'For what(From what/For all) they knew, '; 'old man doomed to live as one until(for) the rest of his days.'; and, 'thought not only opens are(our) mind(minds) to reality,'.
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