This is a delightful little story and I was wondering where I might find a moss circle like that. You have done a great job of creating this "other world" and populating it with such a fascinating creature.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'She felt the gently(gentle) waves of mercury gasses '.
This is a delightful story of a, shall we say, "misplaced" attraction. It is sad how Ravi was used, but it appears as if he eventually got the "best of the bargain".
This is very well-written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'murmuring and smiling to(at?) each other. '. This usage may, however, be a difference in our cultures.
This is a beautiful little story that I hope did well in the contest. It is well written and flows nicely.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'She opened it and there was a medium-sized box wrapped in brown paper (inside-delete, unnecessary). '; 'box closer and read.(,) "September(,-delete) 22, 1966?" '; and, 'Johnathan(Jonathan?) ';
This is a very sad and moving story. It could serve as a lesson for us all - to be careful of what we say to loved ones since we never know when we might lose them.
This is a very chilling story - even more so that the earlier version I had read. You have done a great job of making this old lady truly terrifying.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Perhaps it was self(-)reliance '; 'There(Their) method for achieving this outcome '; 'but well(-)kept backyard. '; 'The huge rose bushes flourished every day, singing its(their) music to the world, and to old lady(Old Lady) Eldridge’s lonely heart.'; 'It was ten(-)forty(-)five, '; 'Her black eyes and cold(-)blooded grin did all the talking, '; 'It went from cold(-)blooded lack of remorse to vicious. Her face was dark with a contorted snare(sneer).'; 'frame of a skeleton(-)like body '; 'That was the last youngion(youngun?) to try and outsmart me.'; and, 'the sergeant wants me to feel(fill) you in on how we question '.
Wow! This is certainly a thought-provoking piece of writing!
One of those where the "What ifs" seem to take over reality.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' self(-)preservation is everything to them,'; ' we love each other, except(accept) everyone, '; and, 'If I was(were) to say I escaped it, I’d have to smile, but if I was(were) to say '.
This is an interesting piece that seems more like a scene from a story than a complete story in itself.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The money(-)grabbing(grubbing?) whore.'; 'he bring that marriage(-)wrecking ‘cheap’ whore here or(of) all places.'; 'My respect for his(him) slowly draining(drained) by the second.'; 'head as i(I) began to swim,'; 'He looked at me(,) unsure of what to say incase(in case) of an bitter reaction.'; ' “You’re unbelievable(,) dad(Dad!)” '; 'connection that a father and daughter ve(have,) that we were both stubborn;'; and, 'you know the one (theone-delete)....the look in the eye. '.
This is a moving piece that should have provided some solace in the writing.
There seems to be some switching of verb tenses back and forth between past and present.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Oh GOD(,) helps me bear the consequences '; 'his plans(,) we’re not included'; 'I will not wonder if they will(do) not- '; and, 'I’m just consoled of(by) the fact that I can cry if I want to……with me as he always does(is).'.
This is a very interesting piece that is somewhat poetic in its use of description. It is very well written.
I was, however, left with many unanswered questions. Why did she die a martyr? Who killed her and why? What led up to it? This seems like a scene from a longer tale.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: ' inlaid with critine(Right word?) and rubies, '.
Wow! Those are pretty severe consequences for a little white lie. It does, however, make for a very compelling story.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Claire and Alice heard (her) scream, and a gun shot.'; and, ' "I'm sorry, Alice!" as she jolted(bolted?) down the steps. '.
This is a good story where you've done a good job of depicting the thoughts and feelings of the two children. I do believe that it would add to the story if we knew more about the circumstances in which they are living. What happened to their mother? Who is doing all of the smoking? Where did Helen's bruises come from? You do an excellent job of putting us into their minds, but I would like to know more about their physical environment.
Words spoken by characters in dialog should be enclosed in quotation marks. For example: ' "Timmy," the girl murmured timidly again in her soprano voice, "are you there?".
A couple of other editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The eight(-)year(-)old boy '; and, 'a kingdom, which(that) merchants, bards and other travellers'.
This is a very good story where you've done an excellent job of describing the images of the girl in the recordings. You made it entirely believable.
The creatures doing the exploring sounded much more like some sort of robot than they did humanoid beings created following human genetics as mentioned.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
This is an interesting little piece where the stranger seems like quite a pessimist.
This is, overall, well written and flows nicely.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'no more than five or six years(,-delete) old'; 'he pulls at his father(')s jacket.'; '“Dad, dad(Dad), what if lightning hits the plane.(?)'; and, 'The kid(')s mouth(jaw?) drops.'.
This is an interesting poem of dealing with a cheating significant other. It aptly addresses the various stages of coping with the knowledge of infidelity. It I am understanding the last stanza, the replacement is a much more loyal canine companion.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a very good, though fairly long, introduction. Seems more of a chapter. You have done a good job of introducing all of your characters and raising reader interest in what happens to them. The ending of this segment was a real surprise.
You might want to put thoughts in italics to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' “Why yes(,) Missus Be— Sally, ma’am.” '; 'killed with(by?) a gunshot to the head. '; 'towered against the wall. It read ten(-)thirty.'; ' his body taught(taut) with readiness.'; 'narrow path that lead(led) through the tufts of uncut grass.'; ' Sally had always relished (in-delete) hard work.'; and, ' blowing a whole(hole) in his chest. '.
This is an excellent premise for a story. This piece however, needs a considerable amount of additional work with the technicalities of the writing itself.
Believe you would gain more reader interest in your main character if you were to name her.
You have a mixture of verb tenses here and some of the working seems a little stilted.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first six paragraphs: 'writing at(in) her diary. '; 'excitedly rushed in(into) the bathroom to take a shower. . . . she still has a class to attend (to-delete, unnecessary).'; 'After taking a bath, wear(putting on) her uniform and fixed(grooming) herself,'; and, 'she suddenly noticed that she haven’t(hadn't) seen her Mom '.
This is a cute story that kids should enjoy. It does need a bit of additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
When writing dialog, as between the two piggy banks, the spoken words should be enclosed in quotation marks.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'the child who’s(whose) room this was,'; ' “Oh how graceful she looked(looks)!” '; 'Oh no(,) Sausage! '; 'Fly(,) Bacon! '; and, 'Bacon, good and kind(-)hearted friend, '.
This is a rather philosophical piece that proposes an attitude hard to find when the event is occurring.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Some of the wording here seems a bit awkward. You might want to see about smoothing it out.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'find new friends, love, hapiness(happiness), and trust. '; 'know that us not bieng(being) friends is for the best.'; and, ' lov(love) every moment of life '.
This is a very nice tribute to service personnel. It isn't clear though, what profession you are addressing - there seems to be particular confusion, for me anyway, back and forth between police officer and serviceman. Or was it meant to be rather all-encompassing?
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'sudden swift decisions can lead to a well(-)placed headline reading,'; and, 'Always willing to respond, were(when) called, without haste.'.
This is a cute little story where Jane sounds like the ultimate optimist. I did wonder, though, how it was that she was apparently the lone survivor -- and how long she might survive in an otherwise "dead city".
Some of the sentences are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
A couple of specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'no sound except for air(wind) blowing between the buildings '; and, 'sounded like the booming(Right word?) of traffic(cars) and buses and taxis.'.
This is an interesting poem that I'm not quite sure I understand. I guess what confuses me is what "breeze" is a metaphor for. At first, I thought it referred to feelings for the person; then I felt perhaps it was memories. With the last stanza, I became totally confused.
The feelings of a current rejection by a past love, however, come through loud and clear. The last stanza seems to be saying, sort of, "If you change your mind, tough - it's over."
In your description, 'Rised of an old feeling', I don't think you mean to the first word as typed. I found no other errors in the poem itself.
This is an edge-of-the seat type story that has such a moving ending that I had tears in my eyes.
You did a great job of bringing your reader right into the action and making him/her feel as if he were right there, on the phone, feeling all of the horrible feelings. Good job.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'he continued, “alright(Alright,) honey,'; 'instead of a left off of highway(Highway) 23.'; and, ' “Go for it (,)Tom,” '.
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