I found this to be a very inspiring poem. It seems to be parable-like in stating that when we forget "where we came from", growing pride and self-confidence in our own abilities lead us to dismiss the caring Higher Power that will ultimately lead to our destruction. My interpretation at least.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'Among the weed(weeds) and thistle(thistles) there'.
This is a good story although I was rooting for the side that ultimately lost. You did a very nice job of describing the characters and the bar so I was able to easily visualize it and them.
I think you might want to expand some of the struggle and build more tension in that segment.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'His head was full of(covered with) black curly hair that a woman would die for.'; 'and I will weild(wield) the power.” '; and, ' “I have completed all the taskes(tasks),'.
This is a really cute story. You've done a good job of communicating to the reader the trepidation of a "first time behind the wheel" experience and the slowly building confidence.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' I only wanted to as be(to be as) far from it as possible '; 'and then turn around on highway(Highway) 24.'; and, 'how to watch for those hidden speed(-)limit signs,'.
This is an intriguing tale of the "fearless" exploits in which kids will engage. A memorable adventure I'm sure.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'My two best friends were country(-)born and raised '; 'she skid(skidded?) to the side and waved her arms in triumph.'; and, 'flight from the hump gave me a moment(')s pause, '.
This is a very good, well-written story where you have conjured up some terrific forsensics soft-ware programs and methods.
Suggest putting thoughts in italics to differentiate them from narrative and dialog.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'or the even more ancient finger(-)print search. '; and, 'all humans at least twenty(-)five years old.'.
This is an excellent story where you take your reader right along into the heat of the battle and the bloody grime of war. I actually felt as if I were right along side your protagonist as he and his men went through the hell they faced.
This is very well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'especially the retched(wretched) stench of twisted, rigid bodies ';
This is an excellent piece that offers a terrific example of how the perception of the event changed the entire outlook about the accident and the resulting injuries.
This is well written and flows smoothly.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a delightful little story and I was wondering where I might find a moss circle like that. You have done a great job of creating this "other world" and populating it with such a fascinating creature.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'She felt the gently(gentle) waves of mercury gasses '.
This is a delightful story of a, shall we say, "misplaced" attraction. It is sad how Ravi was used, but it appears as if he eventually got the "best of the bargain".
This is very well-written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'murmuring and smiling to(at?) each other. '. This usage may, however, be a difference in our cultures.
This is a very good story of a man who finally realizes his incapabilities.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'caught in a convenience store with the clerk lying face down on the floor quivering in fear and his hand in the (convenience store's-delete, repetitive) till. '; and, 'A high(-)school dropout, he had no skills.'.
This is a beautiful little story that I hope did well in the contest. It is well written and flows nicely.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'She opened it and there was a medium-sized box wrapped in brown paper (inside-delete, unnecessary). '; 'box closer and read.(,) "September(,-delete) 22, 1966?" '; and, 'Johnathan(Jonathan?) ';
This is a very sad and moving story. It could serve as a lesson for us all - to be careful of what we say to loved ones since we never know when we might lose them.
This is a very chilling story - even more so that the earlier version I had read. You have done a great job of making this old lady truly terrifying.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Perhaps it was self(-)reliance '; 'There(Their) method for achieving this outcome '; 'but well(-)kept backyard. '; 'The huge rose bushes flourished every day, singing its(their) music to the world, and to old lady(Old Lady) Eldridge’s lonely heart.'; 'It was ten(-)forty(-)five, '; 'Her black eyes and cold(-)blooded grin did all the talking, '; 'It went from cold(-)blooded lack of remorse to vicious. Her face was dark with a contorted snare(sneer).'; 'frame of a skeleton(-)like body '; 'That was the last youngion(youngun?) to try and outsmart me.'; and, 'the sergeant wants me to feel(fill) you in on how we question '.
Wow! This is certainly a thought-provoking piece of writing!
One of those where the "What ifs" seem to take over reality.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' self(-)preservation is everything to them,'; ' we love each other, except(accept) everyone, '; and, 'If I was(were) to say I escaped it, I’d have to smile, but if I was(were) to say '.
This is an interesting piece that seems more like a scene from a story than a complete story in itself.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The money(-)grabbing(grubbing?) whore.'; 'he bring that marriage(-)wrecking ‘cheap’ whore here or(of) all places.'; 'My respect for his(him) slowly draining(drained) by the second.'; 'head as i(I) began to swim,'; 'He looked at me(,) unsure of what to say incase(in case) of an bitter reaction.'; ' “You’re unbelievable(,) dad(Dad!)” '; 'connection that a father and daughter ve(have,) that we were both stubborn;'; and, 'you know the one (theone-delete)....the look in the eye. '.
This is a moving piece that should have provided some solace in the writing.
There seems to be some switching of verb tenses back and forth between past and present.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Oh GOD(,) helps me bear the consequences '; 'his plans(,) we’re not included'; 'I will not wonder if they will(do) not- '; and, 'I’m just consoled of(by) the fact that I can cry if I want to……with me as he always does(is).'.
This is a very interesting piece that is somewhat poetic in its use of description. It is very well written.
I was, however, left with many unanswered questions. Why did she die a martyr? Who killed her and why? What led up to it? This seems like a scene from a longer tale.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: ' inlaid with critine(Right word?) and rubies, '.
Wow! Those are pretty severe consequences for a little white lie. It does, however, make for a very compelling story.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Claire and Alice heard (her) scream, and a gun shot.'; and, ' "I'm sorry, Alice!" as she jolted(bolted?) down the steps. '.
This is a good story where you've done a good job of depicting the thoughts and feelings of the two children. I do believe that it would add to the story if we knew more about the circumstances in which they are living. What happened to their mother? Who is doing all of the smoking? Where did Helen's bruises come from? You do an excellent job of putting us into their minds, but I would like to know more about their physical environment.
Words spoken by characters in dialog should be enclosed in quotation marks. For example: ' "Timmy," the girl murmured timidly again in her soprano voice, "are you there?".
A couple of other editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The eight(-)year(-)old boy '; and, 'a kingdom, which(that) merchants, bards and other travellers'.
This is a very good story where you've done an excellent job of describing the images of the girl in the recordings. You made it entirely believable.
The creatures doing the exploring sounded much more like some sort of robot than they did humanoid beings created following human genetics as mentioned.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Overall, this is a very good story.
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