This is a sort of sad story. Sad that Daddy never did really learn anything from the storms surrounding him.
You've done a great job putting your readers into the minds of all of your main characters and letting us feel the storms both within and without. Good job.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'as she pulled into (their-delete) the driveway behind their house. '; ' I ask you for one god(-)damned thing, '; 'storm was just picking up into(to) full power; '; 'The lightnin's(,) tha(that's) light bouncin' off their halos.'; and, 'Don't suppose your(you) brought your old man'.
This is a very thought-provoking piece. It does raise questions that seem to have no "universal" answers. Perhaps this is due to the very individuality of each person and consequently every couple.
It is well written.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is an interesting piece, but I found the "message" to be a bit elusive.
It is obvious that this was written for a beloved person. The first couple of stanzas give me the impression of the beginning of a "new chapter" of a life together - like an engagement, a marriage or, perhaps, a child. The third stanza seems to indicate a loss - perhaps through death.
This is a really nice little piece that is filled with expressions of love. Your description noted a "daily poem" and it sounded as if this might have been a little note left behind when leaving the house or slipped into a lunch or some such. Had to make the receiver's day.
I was a bit surprised by the format. But, since I don't write poetry, I am no "judge".
This is a really cute story with far more than a grain of truth I believe.
You've done a good job of contrasting the "ways" between the shark and the squid -- they're just so elusive!
A couple editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'they might stop breathing, self(-)absorbed, ego(-)driven, say(-)one(-)thing(-)mean(-)another, bottom feeders, '.
This is an interesting beginning to this story. It does, though, need some additional work.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Some of the paragraphs here are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'There is something you should lack at(look into?).'; 'there is a body in a (room?) found locked from the inside.” '; 'Riley briefly paused to take (care-delete) a breath '; 'an impossible crime scenario . . . idea of an impossible crime . . . seemingly impossible circumstances' (The word "impossible" is found in each of three consecutive sentences. You may want to substitute or eliminate a couple of them.); 'solution when properly analyzesd(analyzed).'; and, 'because the others are highly unrealistic and error(erroneous). '.
This is an interesting beginning although you do sort of give away the ending of this segment in your description.
You have a very good premise here for a fascinating story. It does, however, need some additional work.
Some of the sentences are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Chloe was a fifteen(-)year(-)old girl'; 'sticking to the tried and tested(,) 'I hate it'. '; 'who seemed extremely overly(Both these seem a bit much. Suggest using one or the other, not both.) excited';
This is an interesting story of temptation overcome though still, it seems, the longing remains. This does need a bit of additional work with the mechanics of the writing.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
The actual spoken words of dialog should be enclosed in quotation marks.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' his curly(,) shaggy(,) dark(-)red hair, '; 'she went home(upstairs to their apartment).'; and, 'skipping a breath as she crawled into bed to acknowledge she was home.' (This is a bit awkward, try rewording.).
This is a very interesting story of a boy whose curiosity gets the best of him and he's unable to resist the temptation. You've really brought the reader into this story showing your protagonist's inability to refuse the bully or protest the wrongful accusations.
This is well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'and then spitted(spit) on the ground, '.
This is an excellent story where you have brought both main characters really alive for the reader. We are able to feel the temptation that your protagonist felt and root for him to overcome it, yet wonder if he'll be able to do it.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'one that I had been doing (it-delete) since college.'; 'I’m a decent(-)looking guy,'; 'old man flirting with the table of young women.' (Reword. This sounds as if he was flirting with the table.); and, ' “Goodbye(,) Brooke.” '.
This is a very good article of a horrendous situation that apparently, from news reports, occurs all too frequently.
This is well written and flows nicely.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I landed a decent(-)paying job '; 'Some things were not being accomplished correctly; some things were not accomplished(done) at all.'; 'they let the workers stay hired(remain employed?) after it happened time '; and, 'two drunk workers gave (out) medications (out-delete).'.
This is a very intriguing story where I sort of suspected the ending, but was still a bit shocked. You did a really good job of making the fantastical, believeable - somehow.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'revealed a gaunt, dark(-)headed man '.
This is a very good story of a strained relationship between a father and his daughter.
You've done a great job of putting your reader into Olivia's head, as well as showing her father's longing for them to be closer than they are yet able to be.
It would have been nice to have known what had happened to the mother, since she seemed to leave such a hole in the family.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' “Oh, well that’s a shame(,) honey. '; and, 'I’ll let you this time(,) Dad.'.
This is an interesting scene. A short story, however, contains a beginning; where a protagonist and his/her problem are introduced; a middle, where the problem in worked on; and, an ending, where some conclusion is reached.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'where I use(used) to spend my summer time(summertime) with my family '; 'She taught me Spanish as I (helped) her with English.'; 'The teacher talk’s(talks) gibberish'; 'her lip is(lips are) all I notice, I wonder if they taste and feel'; and, 'are coated with plastic(,) letting less and less light and colour in (and) making this the gloomiest room '.
This is a very well-plotted story of a spiritual journey. It does, however, need some additional work.
Some of the paragraphs here are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Soime specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'my mother had settled much(many) of our things in '; '"Take my hand(,) honey. '; 'The sound of my mother(')s voice confirmed that for me.'; 'found myself questioning it's(its) purpose. '; 'he would tell you about (it) someday'; '(Inside-delete) the(The) book contained all the secrets and legends of the lake.'; ' "It's okay(,) sweetheart, don't worry. '; 'You're(Your) mother needs you.'; ' "I miss you(,) dad. '; and, 'you will find it as I found my father(')s.';
This is a beautiful little story of a love gained, lost and regained.
It would bring the reader more "into" the story if you were to show the specific scenes, including setting, actions and dialog, of the different steps along the way.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I was desperate to reveal my life(-)long secret admiration of her,'; 'My worst fear was to loose(lose) her'; 'but I wasn’t about to loose(lose) her.'; and, 'mementos of our short(-)lived romance '.
This is a very sad story where I couldn't help but wonder if something had happened to the Master. You do a very good job of putting the reader into the dog's head, and understanding his valiant attempts to get someone to notice his plight.
This is well written and flows nicely.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'fatty wrapper through the fence, (while he chewed,) he mused(, while he chewed,-delete) on who might have knocked the trash over.'; 'cruching over the snow out of rythm(rhythm),'; ' now astatic(ecstatic?), doubled his efforts.'; and, 'wisps of steam pawwed(pawed?) the opening.'.
This is a very gripping scenario that is well written.
However, it just stops at the point of greatest interest and excitement. What happens to the girl? Does "It" follow her? Is it the threat that she anticipates or is it harmless? What is "It"?
It would also increase reader interest if you were to give the girl a name and let us get to know her, and care about her, prior to her adventure.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'there were thick high(-)growing weeds.'.
This is a very sad, sad poem. If I am understanding correctly, this is a tribute to a very good friend who, after you were separated, became unhappy. The unhappiness deepened into depression, eventually ending in a suicide, either deliberate or accidental through drugs or alcohol.
One editorial suggestion you may want to consider: 'for a never(-)ending thirst'.
This sounds like a very interesting family you have introduced here. However, I don't think that it is going to do the job that one wants a prologue to do, which is entice/hook readers into delving on into the main story.
Since your book is about a "mysterious storm", would suggest that you begin with a scene of where the storm is either building up or beginning its strike. The other family members and their interrelationships can be worked into the narrative as the battle with the storm unfolds.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' I have a part(-)time job working '; 'my grandma has owned for twenty(-)four years now. '; 'chance of making it in(into) the Olympics this year.'; 'My Aunt Lizz is an artist like my grandma.' (This is the first mention of grandma being an artist.); 'her own called(,) “The Indigo Paradise” '; 'beautiful two(-)story home in the country.'; 'small gazebo that has a swing (on it, placed-delete, unnecessary) right in the middle of it.'; and, 'the patio is a shiny cobble stone(cobblestone) path '.
This is a very strange piece where I, personally, don't really understand what you are trying to say.
Some specific editorial suggestions, mostly punctuation, that you may want to consider: 'There is no moon tonight(,) out come the vampires'; 'Quit hittin' me(,) baby(,) kiss me'; 'No don't leave me(,) i(I) didn't mean it'; 'You're so selfish(,) it's practically an artform'; and, 'When we feed it(,) I wanna hear you scream'.
This is a cute story of a problem that could happen to anyone.
I loved the ending and would so hate to caught in that net of "Did I do it?" or "Did I just dream I did it".
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
This sentence, ' "Oh My God," she yelled as she started to find her folder with her papers in it.', seems a bit awkward and repetitive. Suggest rewording something like, "she yelled, trying to find the folder with her papers in it".
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first half: ' "Remember how my uncle(Uncle) Jeremy said '; 'her bumper hitting(hit) the sidewalk '; 'To a passer by(passer-by - Right word?) driving along side, Jay would have looked like a 20(-)something(-)year(-)old woman '; 'she should of(have) known better than to let someone else'; and, 'drove down highway(Highway) 50 to the Watt exit; . . . At every red light(,) she cursed out(,) "figures(Figures)," or(,) "come(Come) on," '.
This is a good poem that seems to me to be contrasting the surface glitter of an area with the reality hidden beneath it.
You have painted some very vivid, and somewhat haunting, images here.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The Blank(blank) white canvass(canvas) is splashed with a hue of colours,'; 'In the minds(mind) of a Hippie,'; and, 'But who has seen the nightmares??(?)'.
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