This is an interesting little piece where the stranger seems like quite a pessimist.
This is, overall, well written and flows nicely.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'no more than five or six years(,-delete) old'; 'he pulls at his father(')s jacket.'; '“Dad, dad(Dad), what if lightning hits the plane.(?)'; and, 'The kid(')s mouth(jaw?) drops.'.
This is an interesting poem of dealing with a cheating significant other. It aptly addresses the various stages of coping with the knowledge of infidelity. It I am understanding the last stanza, the replacement is a much more loyal canine companion.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a very good, though fairly long, introduction. Seems more of a chapter. You have done a good job of introducing all of your characters and raising reader interest in what happens to them. The ending of this segment was a real surprise.
You might want to put thoughts in italics to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' “Why yes(,) Missus Be— Sally, ma’am.” '; 'killed with(by?) a gunshot to the head. '; 'towered against the wall. It read ten(-)thirty.'; ' his body taught(taut) with readiness.'; 'narrow path that lead(led) through the tufts of uncut grass.'; ' Sally had always relished (in-delete) hard work.'; and, ' blowing a whole(hole) in his chest. '.
This is an excellent premise for a story. This piece however, needs a considerable amount of additional work with the technicalities of the writing itself.
Believe you would gain more reader interest in your main character if you were to name her.
You have a mixture of verb tenses here and some of the working seems a little stilted.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first six paragraphs: 'writing at(in) her diary. '; 'excitedly rushed in(into) the bathroom to take a shower. . . . she still has a class to attend (to-delete, unnecessary).'; 'After taking a bath, wear(putting on) her uniform and fixed(grooming) herself,'; and, 'she suddenly noticed that she haven’t(hadn't) seen her Mom '.
This is a cute story that kids should enjoy. It does need a bit of additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
When writing dialog, as between the two piggy banks, the spoken words should be enclosed in quotation marks.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'the child who’s(whose) room this was,'; ' “Oh how graceful she looked(looks)!” '; 'Oh no(,) Sausage! '; 'Fly(,) Bacon! '; and, 'Bacon, good and kind(-)hearted friend, '.
This is a rather philosophical piece that proposes an attitude hard to find when the event is occurring.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Some of the wording here seems a bit awkward. You might want to see about smoothing it out.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'find new friends, love, hapiness(happiness), and trust. '; 'know that us not bieng(being) friends is for the best.'; and, ' lov(love) every moment of life '.
This is a very nice tribute to service personnel. It isn't clear though, what profession you are addressing - there seems to be particular confusion, for me anyway, back and forth between police officer and serviceman. Or was it meant to be rather all-encompassing?
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'sudden swift decisions can lead to a well(-)placed headline reading,'; and, 'Always willing to respond, were(when) called, without haste.'.
This is a cute little story where Jane sounds like the ultimate optimist. I did wonder, though, how it was that she was apparently the lone survivor -- and how long she might survive in an otherwise "dead city".
Some of the sentences are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
A couple of specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'no sound except for air(wind) blowing between the buildings '; and, 'sounded like the booming(Right word?) of traffic(cars) and buses and taxis.'.
This is an interesting poem that I'm not quite sure I understand. I guess what confuses me is what "breeze" is a metaphor for. At first, I thought it referred to feelings for the person; then I felt perhaps it was memories. With the last stanza, I became totally confused.
The feelings of a current rejection by a past love, however, come through loud and clear. The last stanza seems to be saying, sort of, "If you change your mind, tough - it's over."
In your description, 'Rised of an old feeling', I don't think you mean to the first word as typed. I found no other errors in the poem itself.
This is an edge-of-the seat type story that has such a moving ending that I had tears in my eyes.
You did a great job of bringing your reader right into the action and making him/her feel as if he were right there, on the phone, feeling all of the horrible feelings. Good job.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'he continued, “alright(Alright,) honey,'; 'instead of a left off of highway(Highway) 23.'; and, ' “Go for it (,)Tom,” '.
This is a sort of sad story. Sad that Daddy never did really learn anything from the storms surrounding him.
You've done a great job putting your readers into the minds of all of your main characters and letting us feel the storms both within and without. Good job.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'as she pulled into (their-delete) the driveway behind their house. '; ' I ask you for one god(-)damned thing, '; 'storm was just picking up into(to) full power; '; 'The lightnin's(,) tha(that's) light bouncin' off their halos.'; and, 'Don't suppose your(you) brought your old man'.
This is a very thought-provoking piece. It does raise questions that seem to have no "universal" answers. Perhaps this is due to the very individuality of each person and consequently every couple.
It is well written.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is an interesting piece, but I found the "message" to be a bit elusive.
It is obvious that this was written for a beloved person. The first couple of stanzas give me the impression of the beginning of a "new chapter" of a life together - like an engagement, a marriage or, perhaps, a child. The third stanza seems to indicate a loss - perhaps through death.
This is a really nice little piece that is filled with expressions of love. Your description noted a "daily poem" and it sounded as if this might have been a little note left behind when leaving the house or slipped into a lunch or some such. Had to make the receiver's day.
I was a bit surprised by the format. But, since I don't write poetry, I am no "judge".
This is a really cute story with far more than a grain of truth I believe.
You've done a good job of contrasting the "ways" between the shark and the squid -- they're just so elusive!
A couple editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'they might stop breathing, self(-)absorbed, ego(-)driven, say(-)one(-)thing(-)mean(-)another, bottom feeders, '.
This is an interesting beginning to this story. It does, though, need some additional work.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Some of the paragraphs here are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'There is something you should lack at(look into?).'; 'there is a body in a (room?) found locked from the inside.” '; 'Riley briefly paused to take (care-delete) a breath '; 'an impossible crime scenario . . . idea of an impossible crime . . . seemingly impossible circumstances' (The word "impossible" is found in each of three consecutive sentences. You may want to substitute or eliminate a couple of them.); 'solution when properly analyzesd(analyzed).'; and, 'because the others are highly unrealistic and error(erroneous). '.
This is an interesting beginning although you do sort of give away the ending of this segment in your description.
You have a very good premise here for a fascinating story. It does, however, need some additional work.
Some of the sentences are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Chloe was a fifteen(-)year(-)old girl'; 'sticking to the tried and tested(,) 'I hate it'. '; 'who seemed extremely overly(Both these seem a bit much. Suggest using one or the other, not both.) excited';
This is an interesting story of temptation overcome though still, it seems, the longing remains. This does need a bit of additional work with the mechanics of the writing.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
The actual spoken words of dialog should be enclosed in quotation marks.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' his curly(,) shaggy(,) dark(-)red hair, '; 'she went home(upstairs to their apartment).'; and, 'skipping a breath as she crawled into bed to acknowledge she was home.' (This is a bit awkward, try rewording.).
This is a very interesting story of a boy whose curiosity gets the best of him and he's unable to resist the temptation. You've really brought the reader into this story showing your protagonist's inability to refuse the bully or protest the wrongful accusations.
This is well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'and then spitted(spit) on the ground, '.
This is an excellent story where you have brought both main characters really alive for the reader. We are able to feel the temptation that your protagonist felt and root for him to overcome it, yet wonder if he'll be able to do it.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
A few specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'one that I had been doing (it-delete) since college.'; 'I’m a decent(-)looking guy,'; 'old man flirting with the table of young women.' (Reword. This sounds as if he was flirting with the table.); and, ' “Goodbye(,) Brooke.” '.
This is a very good article of a horrendous situation that apparently, from news reports, occurs all too frequently.
This is well written and flows nicely.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I landed a decent(-)paying job '; 'Some things were not being accomplished correctly; some things were not accomplished(done) at all.'; 'they let the workers stay hired(remain employed?) after it happened time '; and, 'two drunk workers gave (out) medications (out-delete).'.
This is a very intriguing story where I sort of suspected the ending, but was still a bit shocked. You did a really good job of making the fantastical, believeable - somehow.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'revealed a gaunt, dark(-)headed man '.
This is a very good story of a strained relationship between a father and his daughter.
You've done a great job of putting your reader into Olivia's head, as well as showing her father's longing for them to be closer than they are yet able to be.
It would have been nice to have known what had happened to the mother, since she seemed to leave such a hole in the family.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' “Oh, well that’s a shame(,) honey. '; and, 'I’ll let you this time(,) Dad.'.
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