Wow! This is certainly a horrific story! You've done a great job of putting the reader into the depraved man, enough so that it was totally difficult to distinguish fantasy, or the DTs, from reality. A really chilling tale. It does, however, need some additional work.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, watching particularly for confusion between "your" for "you're" and "except" for "accept". The following specific editorial suggestions were found in the first ten percent or so of this story: 'Oswald with that shoot(’-delete) in.” '; 'You know, shootin(') President Kennedy.” '; ' “You okay(,) mister Bartholomew? '; 'Your(You're) in your drinks(,) aren’t you?” '; 'I do to help sort ya out than(then)?” '; 'credits to any bollywood(Bollywood) movie production.'; 'fount of over(-)analyzed and over(-)scrutinized treatises '; and, 'Eyes that said(,) ‘What do you think your(you're) doing?'.
This is an excellent story where you have really brought your main character to life. Your description of both him and his world were very well written and took me "right there".
"The Stand", incidentally, was one of my favorite books.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: ' getting close to Stanley(')s face, '.
This is an interesting beginning where you provide very vivid descriptions of the girl's surroundings. However, the reader learns very little about this person who seems to be the main character. What is she looking for, or trying to do, in going to this place?
Believe it would increase reader interest if you were to lay out her quest, and why it is important to her, in the beginning and work the background information in throughout the story. You would also create additional interest if you were to give her a name.
Suggest re-reading for misuse of "it's", contraction of "it is", for "its", possessive of it.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'slow trail of blood slide it’s(its) way '; 'slowly sloping, leaf(-)covered slippery bank, '; 'a thin veil of (sheet-delete, unnecessary) ice covering the surface. '; and, 'scrubbed with the heal(heel) of her palm '.
This is a really chilling story of a modern-day Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - without the chemical aids.
This is well written and flows nicely.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Johnny's best friend (,)Leonard(,) was going to tease him'; and ' He rustled(tousled) the boy's hair and knelt down to face him'.
This is a good story of a very "strange" little boy. I did however anticipate the ending. I did wonder why the parents were apparently constantly fighting; guessed that it was about the "problem child".
This is a beautiful and moving piece of a gone, but not forgotten, childhood. You have done a terrific job of bringing the reader into the memories of a little girl whose life was a mix of feelings - good and bad.
This is well written and flows nicely.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I remember so well eating fresh(-)plucked plums.'; and, 'I see all three of us in my mind(')s eye.'.
This is a terrific story of a rebellion. You've done a great job of describing the conservative values and expectations of the people in this town. Reminds me of the small town where I grew up.
This is very well written and flows nicely.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a very good story that is a great illustration of the old adage, "what goes around, comes around". Have the feeling that the dinner provided Josh with his "comeuppance".
You have done an excellent job in showing each of your characters for what they are. Well done.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'so dingy and run down(,) Josh felt repulsed by them'; 'save money on overhead--a lot of money (on overhead-delete, repetitive).'; 'steps of her (house-delete) old but well-maintained home,'; 'that beautiful sunset("sunrise" a few sentences earlier) made Rose '; ' Excuse me, Josh(,) I absolutely have to take this'; 'take care of everything(,) Mrs. Wallace';
This is a beautiful, and very moving, piece of a beloved man ravaged by disease. You've done a beautiful job of contrasting the man he once was with the one who now exists.
This is very well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'uneven ground in the back yard(backyard).'.
This is a terrific story that one can only say, "If only it could be so." You do a beautiful job here of creating the imagery - both celestial and human - that brings this piece to life.
This is very well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'dark and dusty garret in a long(-)forgotten neighborhood of slums.'.
This is an interesting beginning that was a bit difficult to understand.
Just to make sure I'm following, we begin with a disembodied spirit who is selected to re-enter as a newborn. The baby is horribly mistreated and is sold by the father? Am I understanding here?
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'brining(bringing?) the thin slices of an unknown item'.
This is a very good story where you've made Brian's "flight" absolutely believable. I love supernatural stories and one doesn't often run into "out-of-body" experiences.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Being born on February 29 th;(29th,) a leap year, '; 'sprawled across the big queen(-)size bed sound asleep.'; 'He recognized the street where his Elementary School(elementary school) was (at-delete).'; '"Brian, wake up(,) honey.(,)" his Mom'; 'I really have to go today(,) Mom? '; and, 'he was really special(,) too.'.
This is an intriguing, though very sad, story. You've shown very well the demise of the family as a result of the wife/mother's death, putting your reader into the shoes of the man grieving the loss.
This is well written and flows nicely.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'the massive woollen(woolen?) jumpers, '; 'my humour and my wife had went(gone) together.'; and, 'dressed in a scabby(shabby?) trench coat '.
This is a delightful story of independence - at a price! I could really relate to the dressing under the covers; sure beats the cold air.
You've done a terrific job of showing the reader the lifestyle of most families during the '50s. Well done.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'my eyes(repetitive from previous phrase; just "I"?) focused on my father '; 'reminder of our middle(-)class status. '; and, 'Through Halloween(,) life remained wonderful in my new abode,(;) but by the fourth day of November the temperature nose-dived, and it became winter.'.
This is a very interesting story where a battle between guilt and happiness seems to rage.
This is well written and flows nicely.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'There is no jaded or strung(-)out character '; 'letting him go by degree(degrees?). '; and, 'even in the semi(-)blackness of the computer lab. '.
Wow! This is a story that is packed full of suspense, grabbing the reader and dragging him/her along to the end.
This is, overall, well written and flows nicely.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'man that two(-)thirds of his fare'; 'quite surprised at how far he lead(led) us,'; 'The plan was to rendez vous(rendezvous) back at the campsite '; 'I could see no colors or shapes, only movement.'(He could see movement, or only sense it?);
This is an interesting piece that seems to be more of a statement of earth's and life's contamination by man than of a story.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'preserve meaning had only drove(driven) the process further. '; 'He knelt at a small stream, and lowered(bent?) to take a drink.'; 'he had been completely exasperated(Right word?).'; and, 'These people that (had?)made an art out of survival.'.
This is a very good story though it does some additional work. You do sort of give the storyline away with your subtitle/description.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
The pronoun "I" should always be capitalized.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'At 2 am (in the morning-delete, unnecessary), everyone was asleep'; 'new videos and i(I) managed to coax the owner '; ' “Cool! Thanks(,) bro”, I said,'; ' he messaged(massaged) his forehead '; 'feeling of meeting a long(-)lost friend.'; 'her favourite pass time(pastime.)'; 'It jut(just) spat at the wall near it.'; 'A picture of an eight(-)year(-)old me playing with a dog.'; 'feeding of(off?) the last scraps of my tiffin.'; ' “See you later*,( buddy”, I whispered, '; and, ' “Bye(,) beta! take care”, Mum shouted.'.
This is a very engaging introductory scene for a longer story.
Your "going nowhere fast" comment seems to indicate that you are hung up here. If so, why not consider going back - however far is necessary - in her life and relive in detail what "sins" she has committed. Good luck.
I found no errors.
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