This is an interesting beginning that was a bit difficult to understand.
Just to make sure I'm following, we begin with a disembodied spirit who is selected to re-enter as a newborn. The baby is horribly mistreated and is sold by the father? Am I understanding here?
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'brining(bringing?) the thin slices of an unknown item'.
This is a very good story where you've made Brian's "flight" absolutely believable. I love supernatural stories and one doesn't often run into "out-of-body" experiences.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Being born on February 29 th;(29th,) a leap year, '; 'sprawled across the big queen(-)size bed sound asleep.'; 'He recognized the street where his Elementary School(elementary school) was (at-delete).'; '"Brian, wake up(,) honey.(,)" his Mom'; 'I really have to go today(,) Mom? '; and, 'he was really special(,) too.'.
This is an intriguing, though very sad, story. You've shown very well the demise of the family as a result of the wife/mother's death, putting your reader into the shoes of the man grieving the loss.
This is well written and flows nicely.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'the massive woollen(woolen?) jumpers, '; 'my humour and my wife had went(gone) together.'; and, 'dressed in a scabby(shabby?) trench coat '.
This is a delightful story of independence - at a price! I could really relate to the dressing under the covers; sure beats the cold air.
You've done a terrific job of showing the reader the lifestyle of most families during the '50s. Well done.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'my eyes(repetitive from previous phrase; just "I"?) focused on my father '; 'reminder of our middle(-)class status. '; and, 'Through Halloween(,) life remained wonderful in my new abode,(;) but by the fourth day of November the temperature nose-dived, and it became winter.'.
This is a very interesting story where a battle between guilt and happiness seems to rage.
This is well written and flows nicely.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'There is no jaded or strung(-)out character '; 'letting him go by degree(degrees?). '; and, 'even in the semi(-)blackness of the computer lab. '.
Wow! This is a story that is packed full of suspense, grabbing the reader and dragging him/her along to the end.
This is, overall, well written and flows nicely.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'man that two(-)thirds of his fare'; 'quite surprised at how far he lead(led) us,'; 'The plan was to rendez vous(rendezvous) back at the campsite '; 'I could see no colors or shapes, only movement.'(He could see movement, or only sense it?);
This is an interesting piece that seems to be more of a statement of earth's and life's contamination by man than of a story.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'preserve meaning had only drove(driven) the process further. '; 'He knelt at a small stream, and lowered(bent?) to take a drink.'; 'he had been completely exasperated(Right word?).'; and, 'These people that (had?)made an art out of survival.'.
This is a very good story though it does some additional work. You do sort of give the storyline away with your subtitle/description.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
The pronoun "I" should always be capitalized.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'At 2 am (in the morning-delete, unnecessary), everyone was asleep'; 'new videos and i(I) managed to coax the owner '; ' “Cool! Thanks(,) bro”, I said,'; ' he messaged(massaged) his forehead '; 'feeling of meeting a long(-)lost friend.'; 'her favourite pass time(pastime.)'; 'It jut(just) spat at the wall near it.'; 'A picture of an eight(-)year(-)old me playing with a dog.'; 'feeding of(off?) the last scraps of my tiffin.'; ' “See you later*,( buddy”, I whispered, '; and, ' “Bye(,) beta! take care”, Mum shouted.'.
This is a very engaging introductory scene for a longer story.
Your "going nowhere fast" comment seems to indicate that you are hung up here. If so, why not consider going back - however far is necessary - in her life and relive in detail what "sins" she has committed. Good luck.
This is an interesting piece that is categorized as a short story, but it is more in the format of a poem. I does a good job of describing the hope of a new acquaintance becoming a more permanent relationship.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Do I like him? Well(,) I might.'; 'we add each other online, "Oh no(,) now what to do!" '; and, 'There's a super bowl party(Super Bowl Party?) in his youth pastor(')s home,'.
This is an interesting poem that seem to have an underlying poignant desire for the "perfect world".
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'they'ed(they'd) grow right from the ground.'; 'Football(,) no off-season.'; and, 'They'ed(They'd) love us for no reason.'.
Since I don't write poetry, I feel unqualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is a beautiful little poem that captures the entire feeling of what a diary represents.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'To the memories that is(are) secured and locked'; 'Who writes in it(her) every night.'; and, 'And casted(cast) into darkness'.
Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is an interesting little poem where you've used some unique imagery. I do think the reading might be improved by the addition of commas after some of the words and phrases.
I found no errors.
Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is an interesting scenario, but it isn't a complete story which should have a beginning, a middle and an ending.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'rummaging through her carpet(-)bag purse.'; and, 'county for theft hadn’t endeared (her to) them anymore (to her-delete), she was pretty sure.'.
This is a very good and well-written interlude. However it seems to be only a scene of a longer story. A story should contain a beginning where the protagonist is introduced aklong with his/her problem, a middle where the problem is worked on and and ending where some resolution is reached.
A couple of specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'and brought (out) two pieces of paper, '; and, ' You(,) I remember. '.
This is a cute story of an odd couple and an even more odd pet. However, it is understandable under the circumstances.
When writing dialog, a comma should follow the quoted speech prior to the speaker tag.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'as she crawls(crawled) around the living room floor,'; 'Her traveling companion(,) Edward(,) watches her '; ' “All right(,) Yedi, where is it.(?)” '; 'doesn’t know where it is.(,)” Edward suggests.'; and, 'I have to find it.(,)” Kianna states.'.
This is a gripping story that grabs the reader and drags him/her along. The ending, however, doesn['t seem to be "wrapped up", leaving too many loose ends.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' wrote on a hand(-)drawn map of his property '; 'As he neared the figure(person), '; 'but only open spaces(space) on his right.'; and, 'unsure (if) they hit their target, he guessed.'.
This is a very interesting article with many good tips for delineating a character in the beginning. That is something that I, personally, would have trouble accomplishing. (Guess I usually start with the story idea.)
This is well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'the story will lose (from-delete) its energy.'.
This is a very moving story of at least one homeless person who turned his life around. You've done a good job of describing the situation of their lives.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'but it was better than living off(on?) the streets '; and, 'came home to hot diners(dinners) and loving wives.'.
This is a very good story. I couldn't help thinking though that perhaps the wrong person took the tumble.
This is very well written and flows nicely.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'no doubting that he was a well(-)educated and highly intelligent man.'; and, 'face the well(-)known interruptive voice. '.
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