This is a very engaging introductory scene for a longer story.
Your "going nowhere fast" comment seems to indicate that you are hung up here. If so, why not consider going back - however far is necessary - in her life and relive in detail what "sins" she has committed. Good luck.
This is an interesting piece that is categorized as a short story, but it is more in the format of a poem. I does a good job of describing the hope of a new acquaintance becoming a more permanent relationship.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Do I like him? Well(,) I might.'; 'we add each other online, "Oh no(,) now what to do!" '; and, 'There's a super bowl party(Super Bowl Party?) in his youth pastor(')s home,'.
This is an interesting poem that seem to have an underlying poignant desire for the "perfect world".
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'they'ed(they'd) grow right from the ground.'; 'Football(,) no off-season.'; and, 'They'ed(They'd) love us for no reason.'.
Since I don't write poetry, I feel unqualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is a beautiful little poem that captures the entire feeling of what a diary represents.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'To the memories that is(are) secured and locked'; 'Who writes in it(her) every night.'; and, 'And casted(cast) into darkness'.
Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is an interesting little poem where you've used some unique imagery. I do think the reading might be improved by the addition of commas after some of the words and phrases.
I found no errors.
Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is an interesting scenario, but it isn't a complete story which should have a beginning, a middle and an ending.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'rummaging through her carpet(-)bag purse.'; and, 'county for theft hadn’t endeared (her to) them anymore (to her-delete), she was pretty sure.'.
This is a very good and well-written interlude. However it seems to be only a scene of a longer story. A story should contain a beginning where the protagonist is introduced aklong with his/her problem, a middle where the problem is worked on and and ending where some resolution is reached.
A couple of specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'and brought (out) two pieces of paper, '; and, ' You(,) I remember. '.
This is a cute story of an odd couple and an even more odd pet. However, it is understandable under the circumstances.
When writing dialog, a comma should follow the quoted speech prior to the speaker tag.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'as she crawls(crawled) around the living room floor,'; 'Her traveling companion(,) Edward(,) watches her '; ' “All right(,) Yedi, where is it.(?)” '; 'doesn’t know where it is.(,)” Edward suggests.'; and, 'I have to find it.(,)” Kianna states.'.
This is a gripping story that grabs the reader and drags him/her along. The ending, however, doesn['t seem to be "wrapped up", leaving too many loose ends.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' wrote on a hand(-)drawn map of his property '; 'As he neared the figure(person), '; 'but only open spaces(space) on his right.'; and, 'unsure (if) they hit their target, he guessed.'.
This is a very interesting article with many good tips for delineating a character in the beginning. That is something that I, personally, would have trouble accomplishing. (Guess I usually start with the story idea.)
This is well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'the story will lose (from-delete) its energy.'.
This is a very moving story of at least one homeless person who turned his life around. You've done a good job of describing the situation of their lives.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'but it was better than living off(on?) the streets '; and, 'came home to hot diners(dinners) and loving wives.'.
This is a very good story. I couldn't help thinking though that perhaps the wrong person took the tumble.
This is very well written and flows nicely.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'no doubting that he was a well(-)educated and highly intelligent man.'; and, 'face the well(-)known interruptive voice. '.
This is a very moving little story of a childhood relationship that cannot be forgotten. You've done a good job of painting the era, pastimes and attitudes of the times.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Seeing her forty(-)five years after my graduation from high school,'; and, 'Their comments were limited to(,) “She's a nice girl.” '.
This is a very nice story, but the premise is just too fantastic to be believed. First Judas yanks the IVs from his arms and then, 15 minutes later, enters a skateboarding contest that he subsequently wins; secondly, by a knock on the head suddenly enabling him to speak and hear "better than normal".
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' it was the same name as the prophet(?apostle?) who betrayed Jesus, '; 'and if I could go back in time to relieve(relive) it, I’d would.'; and, ' “The CAT scan results were mixed u(?) with yours.'.
This is a beautiful and moving story of a long-lasting love facing the challenge of a lifetime. You've put us right into your protagonist's shoes. Your description of the area is absolutely terrific.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Weeks paged by(,) marked by blooming daffodils '; and, ' He’d gotten an eleven(-)point buck.'.
This is a beautiful piece of wonderful childhood memories of a happy time and feelings of freedom. The surprise at the end is a bonus.
A couple of possible editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'The cast(-)off bract rustles under my feet.'; and, 'stands tall, its branches like well(-)muscled arms.'.
Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is a terrific little poem. Can't help but wonder how many kids have been frightened by those soaking dentures. Think you've captured their feelings of terror very nicely.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
Since I don't write poetry, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is an excellent beginning of this seguel to The Book. It picks right up where the other left off and continues on with the mystery continuing to deepen.
This is very well written and flows smoothly.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'know an important, history(-)making(,-delete) meeting of "The Hounds" was about to take place. '; '"We do have our fun.(,)" Judas asserted, '; 'you two are forming an American(-)style baseball team. '; ' "Your(You're) right," he agreed,'; and, ' "As little as possible.(,)" Adolph answered, '.
This looks as if it could be an interesting story, but it's difficult to tell with such a small sample. Much depends on where you plan to go from here.
It seems as if some cataclysmic climate change, or something, has altered the previous reality. The question is: Does that change, and the protagonist's reaction to it, include a story.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: '(My mother turns to me.-delete, since it makes it seem as if the mother is speaking, instead of the child.) “Can we come back tomorrow?” '; 'For or what she seen(saw) coming has already happened, '; and, 'though few understand what it was,(.) those(Those) few, including my mother, '.
This is a beautiful piece where you've done a terrific job creating the images seen. It does, however, need a considerable amount of additional work.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first half of this piece: 'The usual christmas(Christmas) carols rang through the air '; 'Yet, it seams(seems) that work was the main factor '; 'my daughter called that stranger(strange) man her father.'; 'Tears rang(ran?) out of my eyes,'; 'But (the-delete) seconds before the two could arrive to(reached?) me, '; 'The familiar Christmas card snap shop(snapshot) of the Christ's birth '; 'It seams(seems) as though I was not allowed to alter history at all.'; and, 'The answer was obviously(obvious),'.
This is a very captivating piece abouta trip into a "foreign" country and the personal changes it brought about. This is well written and flows smoothly.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I needed to leave behind the middle(-)class life '; and, 'there were those who(,) when you met them(,) you felt instantly connected, '.
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