This was a very engaging story. I did have a little trouble telling who was doing what at times. My favorite part was at the end with the silver. It was sudden and unexpected. It was good climax, although I'm not sure exactly what happened. Good story and just because I didn't get it all doesn't mean I thought any less of your story. Great job!
This has the potential to be a provocative and powerful poem. But for me it was slightly hard to understand the metaphors. The flow was also difficult to follow. A little bit of obscurity is good but for me it was too enigmatic. I will congratulate you on the elements you used, like using gods as a template. I also like the powerful image you created. For me a little tweaking would help me enjoy this even more. Happy WDC birthday!!
Although it is hard to evaluate a short poem I'll do my best. I actually think the shortness adds to it. It makes it simple to digest and so it makes the feeling more pervasive. What a frightful ending! Leaving it this way makes the effect linger. Brief, but quite lovely.
p.s. This review was done to celebrate another year of being with WDC. Happy WDC birthday!!
Unfortunately my review that I did was not processed because I gave you the awardicon after I submitted my review. I basically told you how wonderful and extremely funny I thought this was. I also said your tone really made it as though you were reading through a real magazine or encyclopedia. The details were very clever I thought. Write on man!
You know its' funny how the things that seem to be taken lightly end up being works of art. You said you just quickly hashed it out in the early morning, but in my opinion this was great. What is one mans' junk is happens to be a work of art. Write on!
Very funny and clever. If only Jerry Springer was the judge and an also a little brawling would be good too. Perhaps there might be dragon marriage councilors in whatever time or land this took place. Your story is very easy to follow. I think that you should have procured more ongoing fear fro the two humans. They were only scared for a short period of time. If I were one of the two humans
I wouldn't be able to speak. Have the dragons slowly calm them down. I would have kept them a little nervous the whole way through. Anyway, I thought this is very unique. Great job!
Good choice of words. Everything strung together quite well. This poem describes a single emotion which is obviously anguish. At the end some anger was shown. You describe how it feels by using different words to depict them. This singleness makes me understand it more. I would have liked to hear some metaphors. I think it would have really beautified this expression of the heart . Your poem was very fluent and easy to follow like I said before. Great rhyme scheme!
I love how you depicted what honor is and how it stands strong until the end. The last three stanzas sounded full of tough yet gentle emotion. I wouldn't be able to serve in the military for reasons like this. I could go on about how war situations change people but I'll spare you. Sleek poem. Nice. Oh,and have a have a great WDC birthday!
This is short but touching. Its' nice to know about meeting loved ones in heaven. I had a grandma who passed away a few weeks ago. I'd like to think I'll meet her when it's my time to kick the bucket. Good metaphor with the bottles. Please think of writing more.
Man! how painfully real! I felt like I was being tortured. I can emphasize with Susan with me having schizophrenia myself. The strange thing is that she finally got well with the right medication. It was like a miracle fro her. I had the same thing happen to me when I as put on a new drug called clozaril. It was like night and day. Anyway this as a great read worth the awardican. Happy WDC birthday BTW!
Although I've had many pets, I have never been so close as the one in this story. I like when you say-
"I buried my childhood with my dog that day, and I began to see the world through adult eyes for the first time. I didn't like it. I still don't."
It's one of the reasons why I'd like to be a kid again. On the other hand I wouldn't like having to live through all the heartache even if I could go back in time and re experience childhood. Like you pointed out; losing a close pet is the first taste of the evil side of life.
p.s. This review celebrates another year with WDC. Happy b-day!
I just saw your awarded poem on the HUB page and once I read the tittle and I totally was attracted to it. Thank you sister for your heart felt poem. My own poetry is all about God and his wonders as well. My poetry is in "My Poetry" and "My Contest Entries" in my port, just in case you want to read some. God bless and write on!
Though I'm the only who has added so far, the premise and possibilities are all too tempting. I can't wait and see what will become of this group concoction. I hope people will take a genuine interest in the content. I foresee stormy weather and violence in Joshua's' future. I want to see some action from other people!
I like how you portray how the lady tries to find peace but can't let go of her own loss. She seems torn between to worlds-the one of reality and of her own imagination and longing. This sounds like romance that died at one point leaves her condemning herself. That's my view anyway. Such a sad ending too. A little melancholy touch is refreshing. Thanks for the read!
Great sci-fi twist-I didn't see it coming. One thing I wished to have seen is a little more description. I'm curios to see the monsters up close. He wasn't scared at all but in this case it's appropriate because he's a Marine. You gave ample instances that show his tough grittiness-using the knife on his dog and his impeccable aim with a fire arm for example. Also try putting spaces between your paragraphs. This was a good read. Happy WDC birthday!!
Using fire as a metaphor fro so many feelings worked well. I imagine that a burning heart is hard to bear. The last line is like emotional death the way I see your poem.Is the pain described in this poem inflicted from a relationship?
What a bittersweet poem. My two favorite lines were " You haunt my heart/My end and my start. The ending is quite gritty and savagely beautiful. Also what is an 'emo' poem? Is it just the way it's arranged? Well, in any case, I wish you a happy WDC birthday!!
Man, what a thing to damage the ego like a pea brained chicken scoffing at you. Gwen is areal hothead. I love chickens, they're so funny-and very sumptuous to eat too. Ah...the wisdom of fowls. I'm sure she'd love to fricassee that little creature! One thign I suggest is to put spaces between your paragraphs. Whimsical story.
Wow. Who knew? A practical use being drunk. I guess you might call this a drunk trip like some drugs might incur. Most people have to struggle with putting abstract thinking into a cohesive work. For instance, you probably have times when you just can't write a detailed story from a general idea or theme. How often do you get to write?
You held my interest to the very end. I loved experiencing the emotions of Jaylee. The mystery of the young Italian man makes me curios. What was he? A genie? An angel? A wizard? (I'm being a little funny at the moment) I'm wondering if there will be some sci-fi twist to the story. I might be wrong, but I'm wondering if she'll get a visit from her grandfather. Great read!
I like how your version of the different ways we act and feel. Do you ever feel that you're trapped behind a barrier just reacting to things but never being part of them? As I've grown I learned to try to just 'be' and not put up a front. When I was a teenager my mask was the funny class clown. Much like your happy side. Now I've cast that off. I'm a introspective person at heart with a natural wittiness that I think all people have. My advice to you is to try to ignore the masks. That's what I did and I'm quite happy. Have a good WDC birthday!
I congratulate you on your deep and extremely abstract thinking. What you have here is quite compelling. One little thing I would suggest is to revise it some and make it more fluent and decrease the level of obscurity. I say decrease because some obscurity is good. It gives it a a kind of mystery and curiosity. From my point of view this poem is purely about the notion of pain. BTW, It's good to see you've stuck with WDC for so long. This review is done to recognize you being part of this writing community. Happy Birthday!
You're obviously of a melancholy personality. People with that temperance are usually smarter than other personalities. It's refreshing to see you question life on such comprehensive level. I myself am made of the same mold concerning intellect. The one thing that fives me peace and fulfillment a midst all this is my relationship with God. I find that allot my questions are answered in the Bible. Anyway, I wish you a happy WDC birthday celebrating another year of being with the WDC. family. Think of the GPs as a little gift. God bless.
Man, I would love to have rings like those. I'd preferably choose to be a fairy a little while longer. I don't understand how they were able to return with their rings because they lost them in the river. Something I would have loved to have seen is a little more description especially when the twins turn into fairies. I'd gladly reread this story if you add more description. All in all, a good read. Happy WDC Birthday!!
What a whimsical story told in a poem. My favorite parts were when Santa picked up Merry and she changed and the very last line. It was a wonderful way to end the story. It reminds me of the ugly duckling that turned into a swan. From this story the notion that free will is given to everyone even monsters is made here. Loved it. Happy WDC birthday! I hope you like being a part of this community of writers as much as as I do.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ion_7/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/23
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.25 seconds at 12:22pm on Sep 19, 2024 via server web1.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
