I guess it really is like they say-"It takes one to know one" When a person who has some kind of infirmity no other person can fathom how it feels. I know. Although mine is not a physical its the same deal. People who go through this must be faced with lots of burdening emotions and self conscientiousness. Your article makes me count my blessings!
Cool story in a poem! I'm not sure it you meant it but to me the storm is a metaphor or his disrupted feelings that are continually conflicting inside him. In this case, he's literally lost in sea of emotions. You really depicted the violence of the storm and its effects. My favorite part is stanza six. The metaphor of Neptune attacking from bellow is very well placed and profound . Happy WDC birthday!
Wow!, you certainly have me curious about the mysterious phantom. I wonder if he has a connection between him and one of the of the other characters you've introduced. I'm amazed he is taking this with relative ease. I would have actually have told someone. I wouldn't want to keep experiencing such hallucinations.
I'm guessing that you'v seen The League of Extraordinary Gentleman. I like your original take with this one. this is actually a classic premise. This reminds me of X-Men or maybe or the DC cartoon Justice League. I like how your story has a James Bond theme to it. Nice mix of elements! Happy WDC birthday!
You know I've only seen, as I recall, one person with a mechanical limb. I remember going into an Albertsons and looked at a man with a metallic leg walk to his car with a friend. To be honest I was fascinated. I studied him discreetly making sure he didn't notice me looking. I certainly am thankful to have two legs that work.
I sometimes feel the same way. I might think, for example, that I'm just a person or a shell when I Iook at the mirror. I think everyone experiences an identity crises at least once. But some people feel this way chronically starting a young age. Its a sad situation that psychologists try to fix or treat. The best remedy to this is love.Have a happy WDC birthday!
So this story is based on a personification of love? That's what gathered from the beginning. I loved how you described it. This had such emerging beauty like a blooming flower, to put it poetically. It kind of reminds me of how love is depicted in the Bible. In a particular verse that says "love is patient love is kind" Nice poem!
Your story was immersing and you have a very good premise.It was truly creative and you have a unique imagination. I have one tiny piece of advice. Try to condense. Forgive me for not having an example. just read out loud and you should pick out irregularities. HAPPY WDC BIRTHAY!!
You really delve into the very center of the natural longing to love and be loved. ignored or suppressed affection must be a tormenting experience I would imagine. I loved how you put this in first person perspective. It carries more wait when the reader is addressed. This gut wrenching pain leaves me feeling forlorn. Its nostalgic.
I'm not a horror fan but you kinda had me freaked out by the suspense and graphic depiction. I actually don't like blood and gore but this was bearable. My mom like vampires and her name is Cindy-spooky coincidence? The protagonist, Cindy, is a very tough chick! Have you ever watched Underwold? Well my mom likes it. Your story reminds me of that movie. Keep cranking out those scary writings. Oh:Have a happy WDC birthday
This was FANTASTIC! You had everything for a great story poem. The rhyming, the descriptions, your selection of words, flow and correct format! How hard was it for you to compile this? Did you revise it any number of times or did you just write this with one draft? You should really think of publishing your poem. Happy WDC birthday BTW!
Truly a tale of morbid proportions-more or less. I liked all of the beasts including the hounds and the werewolves, but I really would have liked to see an encounter with a dragon like you mentioned at the beginning of the story. All in all this was great! Oh. and congratulations with the ribbon you got for this!
Your an excellent writer! And so young too! I thoroughly enjoyed this narration. The character interactions were spellbinding. You had suspense and a very good sense of description! The conflicts and feelings were wonderfully expressed. It was also very easy to follow-something I particularly look for. There is one thing you might want to watch out for. Its a very small easily corrected error. The little thing I noticed was how you mixed time tenses. Take for example this sentence you wrote.See how "blushed" is past tense and "puts" is present? Simply see all the verbs you have in a sentence and make sure they're all in the same tense. A general rule for most verbs is that if it ends in "ed" its past.
-Mina said as she blushed a bit as she puts her weapons on her back and stood and smiled hiding her face under her long bangs and gave an upward look at me.-
And as a final small pointer, always indent and break paragraphs into smaller ones and put spaces between them. Don't forget to indent too!
If you're this good already you'll be spectacular when you turn my age! Write on!!!
Well Kim, this story was great. Nice family conflict and premise. I also liked the intense emotion. I think stories like this are so popular because people can relate to it. I also congratulate you fro such a successful short story. Its hard for me to fit all necessary elements into such a small space. Oh, I'd just like to say you have very impressive community recognition! You truly deserve to be a Preferred Author.
Not bad action and struggle. You had everything for a short story. You peeked my curiosity when Westinger was about to open the door and gave the woman a sudden warning. Good rising story sequence with what happened when they actually wen inside the door the door. Good job also with tying up the loose ends with the explanation at the end. Its your WDC birthday so make a wish! Kudos!
I've never heard of this game. I'n order to retain the reader's attention , I would have focused more on hinting and talking about what happened to Keesha(if that's the right character). Its more interesting if there's a problem or struggle being addressed. Also, try making some conflict between characters even if its just verbal. This has great potential. If you choose to use my suggestions let me know and I'll review it again. Have a happy WDC birthday!
I liked your somber , melancholy family story. I found myself admiring George's character. And with the prospect of death surrounding him I felt kind of sad. He seemed to be a very nice guy. I didn't understand the end though. Is that the morning he died? This was a good short story!
This has potential to be a great story. Try rewording this a bit. Make it so its less abrupt and floes better. Take for instance your two sentences-
There was a group of friends, known as the Explorers, who traveled through time by a small mirror. They did not have any control over where they went.
Instead write something like-
Once there was a group of friends known as the Explorers. It happened one day that this group of individuals discovered a mirror with an amazing property. This mirror could send anyone who stepped through it to any point in time which the Explorers could not direct
Try combining sentences, that are too short or abrupt by themselves. And do NOT get discouraged about this review! I have had reviews correcting my work just like I have reviewed yours. Happy writing and congrats for being part of WDC for another year!
Its so nice to hear you thank God in such a heart felt manner. I like how you acknowledged God for all the many good gifts he gives. God gave me a gift just on the 30th of last month with being a Preferred Author. Its amazing how God literally thinks about us as many tines a day as there are grains of sand on th shore. I love God and I could go on forever about this. I congratulate you being part of WDC for another year. God bless!
Happy WDC birthday! How's it goin' fellow yellow? This was such a charming whimsical story. What a good way to present the Biblical story of creation in such a creative and funny way. My stories reflect elements from the Bible as well. Its always nice to meet people who think about the Word. As a Christian this makes me smile!
Man! what an immersing, captivating story! You truly brought together all the elements needed for a thrilling suspense story. Your paragraphs were spaced out, there was lots of good dialog, wonderful description, and most importantly your premise contained a seemingly impossible obstacle which were the very forces of nature. I think this deserves a ribbon. Great job!
You held my attention from the beginning with the mystical setting. I loved how you created all those fanciful beings. Very imaginative! How you made this story for a loved one is so sweet and touching. I hope your gift in writing runs in the family. I'd like to see the kinds of things Chloe will write when she gets of age. So how is she doing now?
Sad accounts of sickness, like this one, that happen rampantly in foreign countries makes me thankful to God that I live in the US. BTW, Did the Doctor finally die? Also, is this based on a true story or is it fiction? Forgive me for not picking that up. Oh, just so you know this review celebrates another year of being part of WDC. Happy anniversary!
Very good short story. You kept my curiosity and attention the whole way through. Such an abruptly sad ending. I had hoped to see some interaction between Timlin and Wick with other fairies and possibly some hostile confrontation on the island. A little display of fairy magic would have been cool too! You truly deserve the ribbon. Best WDC birthday wishes by the way!
This was slightly hard to read due to typos and not spacing up paragraphs. You expressed your emotion very well and you clearly illustrated your reasons for hating school. Kudos for that! Just read this out loud and you'll catch your typos. It would also help if you broke the paragraphs into smaller chunks. The huge block of text is overwhelming to the eye. Also try to make your choice of words fit together more coherently. You did a good job nonetheless! With just a little effort you could make your account more real and immersing. And have a happy WDC birthday!
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