As a schizophrenic from age fifteen, I can confirm with your personal assessment. The world I used to live in was a pure sci-fi, fantasy world. It could also be a place of terror as well. Although I now don't believe that I have powers, so to speak, I think that my mind is open to things that other people are oblivious to. Thank you for showing human understanding with the afflicted souls you worked with.
It's nice to know that Marys' dad knew the Lord. Speaking of coincidences; my grandma is going to pass away soon. The thing is that I'm indifferent about it because I never knew my grandma who is on my dads' side. If Jane knew Jesus, she would have been comforted by the hope of seeing him again. I have one suggestion for you. Break up your story into smaller paragraphs. The huge block of text makes it harder to comprehend. Also I would like to congratulate you for being part of WDC for yet another year-HAPPY WDC BIRTHDAY!!
I thought it was cool how you told a short account of your family trough the years. Loved ones make such an impact even if it's a memory. I liked how you described such a warming picture. It just sticks in my mind so eloquently. My favorite line was wa teh very last. Congrats on being part of the WDC community for yet another year to date!
This story had a poetic theme to it; and so artfully portrayed. My favorite part was when you spoke of the water and its' lone soul. I could picture the lake with the wind blowing on the water with grey lowering clouds above it. So does the boy die at the end? I wish you a happy WDC birthday. I enjoyed responding to your story.
Man, you really can pull off an immersing and deeply moving story. You said fiction isn't your thing and you did great! I strongly encourage you to write more. Some of my attempts at short stories are too long winded or have an abrupt ending because they's too deep to fit into such a small space. This is also easy to follow; something important to me. Have a great WDC birthday!
Very short but entertaining. Forgive me if I missed something, but is thee more to this? Never mind, there probably is a continuation . Has it been written yet? At first I thought this was in the 50s. Then you mentioned the CD. My bad if this was a slightly dry. You're the second review I've done in a long time. I wish you well on your mystery story and have a happy WDC birthday!
I've never really experienced the pain of losing someone. I do known however the pain of watching a loved one suffer. My mom has a back problem and she always had to take medicine. It makes me so unhappy when she's always telling us how much she's hurting. I can rest assured that she will eventually be in total bliss and paradise one day when she passes. Thanks for sharing this compassionate poem.
What an inspiring story. Watching loved ones slowly ebb away is hard to say the least. My grandfather died from cancer. He was like the heart of the family. He would always be at the center of the conversation. He was very animated and talkative. I love youer ending. I liked how you ended the story with a positive message. I also believe,like you, that before death a saved person may see a glimpse of the glory of heaven and angels. This clearly deserves that awardicon. God bless and have enjoy being a part of WDC for another year to date! Happy anniversary!
It seems that most allot of the biggest influences in life are teacher's. My brother in his valedictorian speech, mentioned a teacher at his Christian school that he called a hero. I never met her because she died before a could meet her. She was an extraordinary person in the eyes of more than just my brother. Hundreds of people attended her funeral. Thanks for sharing!
This is interesting. Did you come up with this on your own or did you adapt this from something? My own works reflect God as well, but sometimes I try to put a spiritual undertone to them. I find that allot of content is available from the Bible to adapt from. Good work and Happy WDC birthday!
You know, what really gets me is the high prices you get in exchange for convenience. I've also noticed how there are seldom more than one person at check stand at night. I went to Wall green's and found a liter of Dr. Pepper for 1.99$! Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience and your thoughts. Happy WDC birthday!
Ah...sci-fi-my favorite genre right next to fantasy. It takes allot of intelligence and creativity to do works like this. You did a good job. Oh, and I think that "status pods"should be "stasis pods" I congratulate you on the amount of content you fit into this small space. This is like the sci-fi spin off of reincarnation; interesting. Happy WDC birthday!
This is really a unique format of poetry. I like how you put the topic i bold followed by it's relevant content. Every thing was sketchy until I learned he was in the Navy, however. The ending was proper. It left me forlorn in a good way. This was a little to obscure for me just to mention. Nevertheless, the content prevailed over any negative elements. Great work! And have a happy WDC birthday
Nice rhyme. It was beautifully put together. I noticed that the theme seemed to be revealed at the last stanzas. Some people like that, others don't. You certainly used obscurity in your poem. Although I didn't know what you wee talking about it still rang quite well. I had to read it a second time to get it. Like I said, this is a great poem worthy of a high rating.
Your story has good plot structure and the elements are very mystifying. One thing I strongly suggest is to put more emotion and realism into your characters. For example; At the beginning when Teraliya is surrounded by ghosts in the forest, a real person would react more- mentally and with his or her actions. One part I liked was when Teraliya entered the castle with the sound of the horse's hooves. Happy WDc birthday!
Man, you really made me feel like I was there cringing from seeing Daniel stand on the stage speechless. I almost wanted to pull away it felt so awkward. I felt the ending was cool but very abrupt. I think it would be real smooth if you gave reference to the voice somehow earlier in the story. I'm also interested to know if Daniel was just crazy or if the voice was some real entity inside him. Nevertheless a great read worthy of a high rating. Happy WDC birthday!!
You know this subject of passwords and people gaining access to restricted/private files reminds me of when the PlayStation Network was down fro like two weeks. Remember that? It's kind of scary in a way. I have a question for you; how well does that process of writing down numbers and letters from a group of elongated, bulging, and tightly spaced characters work?
I like how you give such a good picture of loneliness and what it does to you. Unbelievable as it may sound, I've never really experienced deep loneliness because I know God is always there. He's the one who brightens my life. I hope you rediscover happiness and find true peace. Happy WDC birthday!!
Wow, you seem to be the kind of person who always seems to have bad occurrences happen to them. You went through so much heartache. Like they say though; whatever doesn't 't kill you can only make you stronger. I have a friend here on WDC that seems to be constantly going through trouble all the time. I always mention her in my prayers. Thanks for exposing your life and your own emotion. I wish you good tidings! BTW, happy WDC birthday!
I really like how you sustain curiosity right to the end about what is mysteriously happening. You left a great hook at the end and I want to read more. One element that I always look for is clarity and the ability to make a story flow. You certainly had this. Have a happy WDC birthday!!
I haven't read such a comprehensive, striking narration about the human condition such as your's in a long time. Humans are very complicated and sometimes we generalize. I have an outlook on the human heart differently than most viewpoints and religions. Where most individuals say that people are basically good but just falter from time to time, I think that we're basically carnal and that it's impossible to do good on one's own merit. The Bible upholds this idea. You're so right though about how it's hard to live up to expectations all the time and that you must give people the benefit of the doubt and that forgiveness is a great life giving tool. Great job.
I like how you depict the little, fascinating world of children. Many people still retain this childlike characteristic. I am one of them. I guess you have to have a childlike imagination to write stories and poems. How do you consider yourself to be? Anyway, I hope you have a great WDC birthday! Kudos
This was a lovely orchestration of metaphors brought to life. Quite beautiful. I loved your story. Simply reading put loud will catch all the grammatical errors. I noticed you have a problem with time tense. Try to keep them in present or past tense. For most people past tense is easier. Below are some simply overlooked mess ups that a single re-read out loud will catch.
For the below sentence is what you wrote-
for he had only read about them in books that were writing by beings that have witness these wonders
(It might have been read as-for he had only read about them in books that were writings by beings that had witnessed these wonders)
Below is your sentence-
The king would have ventured out years before had if he wasn’t afraid of the possibility of being killed while he was on his...
(For this just delete the word "had.")
Below is your sentence-
The king’s father feared that the beings of the world beyond had hatred toward their people because they thought their world wasn’t real and their people were just imitations of the Italian people.
(This sentence is hard to understand. I'd just try spiting it into two sentences, like this-The king’s father feared the world beyond on account of their hatred. This was because that world thought they were just unreal imitations of the Italian people.
I spotted some more errors like these but I'm sure you'll catch them if go over it out loud. All in all, a great read! Happy WDC birhday!
I must be honest, this sounds like a good premise, but it needs a deal of refining. There's lots of typos and punctuation errors. From what I did perceived this was very sci-fi like. I love that genre. If I were you I would work on one thing at a time.I'd begin with correct spelling. Spell check should fix this. I rely on it heavily on it myself. Just work on it and keep writing! Happy WDC birthday!
This poem reminds me of a solemn rainy night. Although I can't remember the title, i remember reading something for one of my English classes that paints the same picture. This isn't my genre but I like the melancholy feel to it. Good read. Congrats for the good ratings too! Happy WDC birthday!
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