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1051
1051
Review of Just a quickie  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Review of Just for a Quickie


First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A very erotic little story with some very strong descriptive passages. I enjoyed it. Have you taken the time to enter any of the erotic story contests. If iI might suggest two. The Weekly Quickie and also Sensual Moments. You would find a wlecome environment and reviews from other erotic writers. Your piece is very strong and I enjoyed reading it.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The two characters are very different and that makes the quickie in the back of their work environment even more enticing.Your descriptionsare good but I felt you could have used just a little more detail.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

There are just a couple to things I will mention. You wrote "there lunch break" it should be their. you also use short sentences to catch the passion but you are breaking up the ideas so you are really fragmentig the sentences. Example "delve deeper. To drive her to orgasm." I believe it should be one sentence.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Enjoy your anniversary and keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your work.

dblameck
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1052
1052
Review of The Betrayed  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Review of The Betrayed


First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Trust and betrayal are strong themes and very strong emotions. You have done a good job of expressing these emotions. I like to test poetry by reading it aloud. When this poem is read aloud it becomes powerful because you can hear rhe emotions because of your choice of words and phrases.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Expand on your thoughts. You have angry moments and tearful moments. Express them in your poetry.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Enjoy your anniversary and keep witing.

dblameck
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1053
1053
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Review of These Are a Few of My Horrific Dreams


First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good poem. Perhaps trying to eat something different before going to bed might help. Your descriptions of what is inhabiting your dreams are very detailed and graphic. I can almost imagine the visions that haunt your dreams.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

More detail and expression of the horrific dreams. The piece could be longer if you expressed more of your feeling about the dreams.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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1054
1054
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review of To Perish in His Flames

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

So many images in your poem. My mind is just overwhelmed by the visions you have put in front of me.I wish I knew more about poetry so I could better review this story. My ultimate test of a poem is to read it aloud. If it passes that test I consider it a good poem. You certainly passed that test.

RHYTHMN & TONE:

The poem moves me to act and act with purpose. There are so many action words contained that the poem overflows with emphasis.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I wouldn't change a thing. I just wish i knew more so i could better review this poem.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.

dblameck
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1055
1055
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review of My Halloween Vampire
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story with an erotic vampire to seduce the man in life or in his dreams. Yhe story is well wrotten and the thoughts and plot follow well. It was enjoyable enough to be read twice.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Two characters, the man and the erotic vampire who is scantilly dressed in a corset, stocking and a black trench coat. The plot is almost typical from that point but I still enjoyed it.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

There wera few errors and I will just mention a couple. You wrote "Her kissing were becoming more aggressive" should be kisses or was. You also wrote "gripped tightened" should be grip tightened.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing this is a good story.

dblameck
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1056
1056
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Review of Memorial Day Ceremonies

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short poem that hits me right where it needs too. As a vet a poem like this starts the tear ducts begin to flow.

PLOT & CHARACTERS

limited plot but when i read it there is a cast of characters I hope, no I know I will never forget

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Keep on writing

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thank you for writing this poem.

dblameck
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1057
1057
Review of No Easy Way Out  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Review of No Easy Way Out

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A vampire story where the the vampire's final victim is himself. There were a few glaring spelling errors that disctracted from the story. A better job of editting the story would make it better. The confusion between the stories of the reporter and the vampire which seem to be different stoy lines made the story a little difficult to follow.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:I have already mentioned the two different plot limes. Characters are not as well defined as the reporter's office. You list a lot of meanlingless detail and then leave out essential parts of the plot.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

type writer - should be one word
Morris sit down - should be sat down
a plug in adepter - misspelled. You spelled it correctly the first time.
There is a lot of detail but it does not seem to connect in reasonable fashion. The story has possibilities.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.

dblameck
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1058
1058
Review of Eye Spy  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review of Eye Spy

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An interesting short story which starts with a warm comfortable feeling and finishes with a terrifying discovery and the horror that goes with it.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Two charcters. One not named and Joseph who is the monster in the story..

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Continue the story in a longer format.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I hope you did well in the contest.

dblameck
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1059
1059
Review of Santa Claus  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*

Review of Santa Claus
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Two Claus. One identified as Santa and the other just called Mr Claus This is confusing. Try using a slightly different name for the man from the south pole...He could be Sam Claus.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The plot is a liitle weak and add to that the confusion of the two poles and two clauses and I think some work would make the story more understandable.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Perhaps use a larger font would make it easier to read. I did not notice any spelling or grammatical errors in this story.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your wdc anniversary.

dblameck
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1060
1060
Review of Sweet Nothings  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I just wanted to say that I enjoyed the visual and I hope it will help me with producing a quality story for the contest. The colours are perfect for the Valentine theme.
1061
1061
Review of Burning desire  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review of Burning desire

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story with a lot of passion and good erotic description. a lot of preparation for the events are shown throughout the story.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Rebekah and Jake. She is the controller in the story but Jake does force the action abit on the dining room table. Story moves along very quickly and one is swept up in the passion of the two lovers.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

My first coment is to use a larger size font. Story is to compressed to be easilly read. Also making more paragraph breaks would be beneficial. Once I noted that you missedd capitalizing the male protagonist (Jake). You wrote "she was close, he was to" should be too or also.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed the story. I would like to read more so now you have to write it (remember about the font and spacing).

dblameck
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1062
1062
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

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Review of What's That Behind Me

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good poem which tells us the impressions we have are not always true.. In the poem he runss from what he thinks is a monster, It is not.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A story poem where the writer is escaping from a monster but findshe must turn and face his fears.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more this is good material

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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1063
1063
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Confession is Good for a Mother's Soul


First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A humerous little story that is just delightful..It brought both chuckles and tears to my face at the same time. The Lies we tell. The mother in this story is much more inventive than I was, but then I was only a father and did not receive that direct gift and dispensation directly from God that all mothers are given.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The names and the family members are confusing but that you can keep them and you white lies straight gives you a gold star.. Well done.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Keep writing. These kinds of stories are what WDC is all about. I sure enjoyed it.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Enjoy your anniversary and in the terms of "“Pwease, pwease, pwease" keep writing.

dblameck
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1064
1064
Review of Love  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Love

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A dramatic story of a girl in love who finds her partner is cheating on her. She accidently falls in a river and it seems that she will drown.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Ashley and Josh seem a happy couple. Why he decides to cheat on her when she knows that is she is going out riding seems a bit stupid but that is what happens. When Ashley tries to flee from the scene she falls into the river. The river action is well written.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I saw no grammatical or spelling errors.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary

dblameck
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1065
1065
Review of Boy's Night Out  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


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Review of Boy's Night Out
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I believe that most people would have to have an interperator to descipter this story I had a fairly good grasp of the actions of the story. I enjoyed the story and I think I even giggled a few times myself.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Four Austrailian infantry with some leave. As young soldiers usuall do they have a a good time but eventually have a dispute which results in a bit if a tossup. The young soldiers get detained by the police and the sergent on duty is an ex-serviceman himself and probably a csm. This cannot end well for the four.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This month is your wdc anniversary. share with us some more of your stories and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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1066
1066
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Review of Genie in a bottle

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An interesting story but it seems that it is incomplete. Iwas waiting for the genie to start granting her wishes. Did I miss something?


PLOT & CHARACTERS

Only two real(??) character there is Yahir, the genie and Isabella the opener of the bottle and releaser of the genie. :The story is of course not about Isabella as it is the genie's viewpoint.


SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Expand the story. It sort of ended abruptly for me. I would like to read more.


FINAL THOUGHTS:

This month is your wdc anniversary so I hope you enjoy it and share more of your work with us.

dblameck
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1067
1067
Review of Love Potion  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

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Review of Love Potion

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

As i would expect from you you have written an entertaining story with a great twist at the end. You make the story intriging and you pull your audience in and then you pull out the basball bat and hit them when they least expect it.

PLOT & CHARACTERS

:The plot is one of your twists. In this edition the beautiful wants the guy to fall in love with her and buys a love potion which she puts in his tea. The characters are good and sufficiently described and presented. Do you have a thing for tall women?

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I wouldn't change a thing. I found no spelling or grammatical errors.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

As usual I enjoy your stories. Write more.

dblameck
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1068
1068
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Review of Strategic Arms Talks
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

{color:red}OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Cute idea that strategic arms talks could have been going since the days of the cave man. While I am sure the talks never happened it is the developments of weapons even that far back then set on the course we are on today..

{color:green}PLOT & CHARACTERS

The characterization of the cave men is unique and the story is great.

{color:purple}SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I found no spelling or grammatical errors.

{color:red}FINAL THOUGHTS:

It is my wish you enjoy the whole of 2013 and grace the site with more of your stories.

dblameck
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1069
1069
Review of Party Platter  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Review of Party Platter

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

{color:red}OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A great Idea. I think it would best if you serving mostly salada and sush. The story brought a lot of visions to my mind without disturbing good taste.

{color:green}PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Not a lot of plot but it is a good idea. Characters are either diners or platters.

{color:purple}SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Perhaps a little more detail and some of the comical or senaul moments of the feast would be interesting.

{color:red}FINAL THOUGHTS:

Have a good 2013 and keep writing.

dblameck
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1070
1070
Review of Scrap Metal  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Review of Scrap Metal

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

{color:red}OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A cute story about the invasion from outer space. Whilr the story is short it is enjoyable.

{color:green}PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Ed and Thelma Johnson and the spacecraft - A squirrel gun beats the invaders.

{color:purple}SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Keep writing. It made me smile.

{color:red}FINAL THOUGHTS:

Have a good 2013 and write more.

dblameck
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1071
1071
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of The House Across the Street

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

It is an interesting story but it seems a little disjointed. It skips about and does not have a pattern that it follows which makes it hard to read and understand. The happening in the house show no conclusion as to what caused this horrific experience.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A little better definition of what happens would have made the story easier to read.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Enjoy your anniversary

dblameck
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1072
1072
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Review of The Legend of the Squirrel

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The story of how the squirrel got his curly tail.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Only the squirrel.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

first paragraph requires a space between he and was. Second paragraph "in alert" should be alert. As faster should be as fast or faster.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more. and enjoy your anniversary


dblameck
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1073
1073
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Review of Fulfilling a Promise

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A brother takes the fall for his emotionally challenged brother when his brother kills the girl friend. A good story but I think it needs a little more detail.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The plot is a brother doing something special for his special needs brother. The characters are the two brothers and their is friend named Lewis who will take of the brother while the other is in prison.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Expand the story using a little more deail. There were no grammatical or spelling errors detected.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keeep writing. Have a great Day.

dblameck
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1074
1074
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Review of Hector and the Clarinets

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An interesting quick story about a man who hates clarinet music or at least badly played clarinet music He hates it so much he becomes a serial killer and is currently sitting beside his 13th victim.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

It seems that lving with his sister who played a clarinet poorly was the beginning that set the man off on his murderous spree. A good plot but it needs developing.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Develop the story line and give us more information.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more there wasn't a lot in your portfolio.

dblameck
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1075
1075
Review of Mountain Air  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Mountain Air

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A poem portraying the feelings of love and tying that into the natural beauty around us. I am unsure if the person is thinking about his current love or a love he has had in the past. It is a good poem i read it several times . I particularly enjoyed when it was read aloud


SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Keep writing we need more writers submitting good poems.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Enoy your anniversary.


dblameck
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