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551
551
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WDC SPECIAL REVIEWS *CakeP*



Review of Is it a Dream or Memory

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The woman is telling one story and later we find that there is a different story. Where is the truth and what is going on in her mind.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The plot in intertwined into a dual story and we must await to see the outcome.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I returned to the dream that I'm the hospital. (in the hospital}
by a semi-truck that (driver of a semi-truck)

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well written. I enjoyed it.


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552
552
Review of Quinn's Dragon  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)


Review of Quinn's Dragon

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A child's story about having a dragon. Very simplistic and straight forward.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

I presume from the title that the person who owns the dragon is named Quinn. The description of the dragon is good and error free.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Extend the story to tell us more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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553
553
Review of Darkness  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Review of Darkness

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I found this work to be dealing on higher levels of thought. Too many higher thoughts and not enough dealing this the essential feeling. It is almost like you were attempting to find the most difficult ways of communicating your feelings.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Lying in the darkness and trying to comprehend it is the message that i get. However the message gets lost in the over usage to loftier phrases.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I guess your writing is just not for me. I need my messages simplier.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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554
554
Review of Just shoot me  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Review of Just Shoot Me

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.


OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Thank you for giving us this short little story. You know how to do the old bait and switch. My mind has a man in prison awaiting execution and trying to figure out where they actually have a firing squad.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

You have set the steps toward an execution. I followed them along and then you opened the trap door and I am in grade school getting that terrible picture taken of me. Great story.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I don't think you could do anything to improve this story.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Great story. I hope you enjoyed your WDC anniversary.


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555
555
Review of The Fog  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of The Fog

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A story which seems to be confused as to the difference of fog and smoke. Fog is comprised of water particles and smoke is comprised of burnt particles. Smoke usually is heated and fog most often is cool to cold in temperture.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

There is something in this fog/smoke which is scary. It seems there are burnt children.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

In the last portion Sammy Jane but then you refer to what she sees as they which is plural.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

It is a little confusing.


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556
556
Review of Berserk  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Review of Berserk

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Quite a story about a clown finally having enough. They finally push him too hard on a bad day and he loses it and starts to use violence on the children and parents who are expecting him to be the jovial fun loving clown.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Many people find clowns to be scary, This out of control clown will just fuel their fears. The clown is a conflicted character as he does not want to be responsible for the negative actions. In fact at the end of the story he reverts back to the clown they expect.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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557
557
Review of Victory Or Death  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Review of Victory or Death

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story with a surprise ending. It certainly brought a smile to my face.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The kitchen becomes the battleground. The things that are common to us have a new description in this story.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I would love to read more stories like this.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Great work. Write more.


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558
558
Review of Around the Bend  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Review of Around the Bend

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I am sure what this story is about. There are several phrases which do not seem to make sense. Some words are not spell correctly "wen" "Notre Dom"

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Someone going on some kind of journey. More information is needed.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

A larger font with make your story easier to read. spacing between paragraphs would also be beneficial.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

By the way it is spelt beginning.


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559
559
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Review of Front wheels Over the Edge

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A telling of several stories but concentrating on one particular event where a woman driving a car with three children and has several problems and finally almost over a cliff on some black ice.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A good story. You could make it better by identifying the children. They seem more of a distraction in most of this story.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

The font at the beginning is small. However it then gets even smaller. Use a larger font and more paragraph breaks.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep sharing.


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560
560
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of The Global Wolf Pack

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

It was interesting to read your comments about how society today is no different to what it was in the days went Christ dealt gently with the woman caught in adultry.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A well thought out premise dealing with the events of today. I like your tie in to biblical references.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep sharing with all of us.


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561
561
Review of The Love He Lost  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Review of The Love He Lost

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good poem with short lines that give the poem a sort reflective feel.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The poet is emotionally hurt because he has not done enough to hold on to this love.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

perhaps to use heartbroken instead of heartless.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Good poem. Keep writing.


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562
562
Review of Destiny  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)



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Review of Destiny

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good poem about the that persist with the departure of a serviceman in time of war. Trust me when I tell this feeling is there even in peacetime when service people are deployed on duty. The feeling is the same for the serviceman or servicewoman departing.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Will I ever see this place and these people again? hearts are almost broken with fear but not willing to accept that possibility. Having to be strong for the other.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This was a great poem and it brought deep emotions to my mind and tears to my eyes. I hope you enjoy your WDC anniversary.


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563
563
Review of THE WAITING ROOM  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of The Waiting Room

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story of people having to wait in a waiting room to possibly hear some terrible news. Good descriptions of the setting and the characters.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

An emotional plot with families waiting for news that could be good or bad. There is a slow building of fear and apprehension. I found the characters to be believeable and interesting.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Good story but I have no suggestions for improvement.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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564
564
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Review of Fight of the Dragon

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A quick story of some dragons engaged in a fight.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

with limited word count there is little for plot or character building. However you got the action across.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more. This is a good start.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I hope you enjoy your WDC anniversary.


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565
565
Review of Windows  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)



Review of Windows

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A group of fears that a lady experiences in a garden. They seem unrelated and are just expressions of what might happen. They don't seem to join into a concrete story.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A character looking through a window and identifying himself as fear creates a vision of a woman being eaten by red biting ants. She goes on to have fears connected with an awful experience from childhood. The different thoughts do not connect for me but are just vignettes of horror.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Showing a connection with the character makes the events more realistic for me.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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566
566
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of Students Living with their Parents

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

This could work for people who live near their college. Most students who live close enough to live at home do.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Some good ideas but there is a lot of impractical ideas.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

There were a few spelling mistakes. Fist instead of first had instead have "other do not have"???

FINAL THOUGHTS:

KEEP COMING UP WITH GOOD IDEAS.


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567
567
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)



Review of Harry Potter Jelly Beans

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

How do you know these jelly beans taste like snot, vomit and ear wax? Is this part of your regular diet. It sounds like you are not happy with the taste. Perhaps if you expressed what you really felt you would get a better rating.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

I guess you just want to complain.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Articulate your disgust with this product with better comments.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I am sure you can do better.


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568
568
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)

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Review of "If it be so, so be it"

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The short story telling us the importance of changing from complaining to bearing the daily burdens without complaint.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

the writer use to enjoy complaining but now spends time thanking God for opportunities.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Some of the sentences see, to run on and on. Use shorter sentences.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Please keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.x


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569
569
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

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Review of A Quail Hunt to Remember

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A remembrance story about hunting quail The story goes into much detail that only a hunter would understand. The first portion of the story is concerned with training the dogs that are used to assist the hunting.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The writer obviously enjoyed hunting and the story centers around a day when he shot five quail.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Have a great WDC anniversary.


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570
570
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)



Review of Never Meant to be

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A story about a friendship that turns to something deeper for only one of the people. Two women are close friends and confidants. One has become enamoured with the other. Unfortunately the feeling are not the same for the other.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The question is put forward. Is it love or obsession. I believe you can love many people in many different ways. it becomes obsession when one must have the love even if it hurts the other. Does this love have to become physical or can they remain as they have been?

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

A good read and a good question.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

thank you for writing this.


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571
571
Review of Summer Solstice  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Review of Summer Solstice

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A group of people (druids) are enjoying a ceremony to honour the summer solstice. In the flames of the bonfire she sees the face of boy she knew when she was six. Suddenly the sultans warriors attack the group. She fights a warrior which is actually her friend from the past.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Anna worships the summer solstice and is attacked by Dan who is a friend from the past. They are going to escape together.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

a couple times you spelled Anna as Ana.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Good story. I did enjoy it.


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572
572
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)



Review of Love Should Not Hurt

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good poem with a straight forward topic. Love shouldn't hurt but it does.

FLOW:

Because of the different sizes of the phrases within the poem it does not flow well. It has a more of a short bouncing sound.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

None.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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573
573
Review of Good Times  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Review of Good Times

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

a man is fishing using worms. The catfish takes hi last worm so he goes over to a corpse and cuts it open to use intestines.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Kurt is a fisherman who is thinking back of his grandfather. The descriptions of this character are fairly well done.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

There is no explanation of who the corpse is and how it got next to where Kurt was fishing.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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574
574
Review of A Shadow of Guilt  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)



Review of A Shadow of Guilt

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A man who has caused his wife to die. Leaving the grave site he is stalked by his guilty conscience. He shoots himself in the head and kills his guilty conscience at the same time.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Will has somehow been responsible for Cheri death. He feels that he is being stalked by his guilty conscience.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Interesting story. I don't have any suggestions for improvement.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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575
575
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of The Old Man on Wilde Lake

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A flash fiction story about a fishing trip where they use firecrackers to scare away racoons. They disturb an old man who lives in the trailer next to the old pier.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The plot gets a little convulted and the action between the old man and the fishermen i
finishes the story.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I like your flash fiction.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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