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451
451
Review of For You People  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Review of For You People

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The re-occurring phrase got to be a little irritating after about twenty lines. I did notice you changed the phrase for the last line. Perhaps if you altered it part of the away through the poem it might have been more effective.


SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

As usual I find your work to cause me to think. That is important for me.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I know I don't have to ask you but Keep writing.


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452
452
Review of 13th of Friday  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Review of 13th of Friday

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The 13th of Friday. I think this is a poor title. Seems like is a retelling of some of the poorer scare movies recently produced.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Since the plot is thin spend more time with the development of the characters.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

You need to review the rules of capitalization. Spacing and a larger font would make this story easier to read. Look at a page in a printed book and try to make your story appear similiar.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This is a good start.


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453
453
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Review of Beauty as we know it.

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A valid premise. Beauty is not everything and perhaps not be much in reality.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Use a larger font and re-read you sentences.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

instead of outer use outside
how beautiful you're should be you are (happened twice

You need to reread what you have written and you will pick up many your flaws.




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454
454
Review of Deadly Clowns  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)



Review of Deadly Clowns

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I enjoy painting and I understand the difficulty in finding just the right colour. i am not sure that this story meets the scary quality.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

This needs more work. It is a good beginning.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Larger font.




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455
455
Review of Moving on  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of Moving On

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Your writing promises the steps to moving on. I didn`t find these steps. There are a lot of thoughts and general comments but there is no laid out plan. I found it hard to read and understand what your ultimate goal in this writing.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Use a larger font and better spacing.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I think you have a good start. It just needs to be more organized.


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456
456
Review of The Cry  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of The Cry

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A poem about the damage we are doing to the environment in which we live. It is written from the viewpoint of Mother Earth, It is a cry for help. It is a painful lament.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Mother Earth who is being damaged and the rest of us who must choose what we do to assist the environment.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep up the good work.


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457
457
Review of Bad Boys Games  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of Bad Boy Games

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short story about a relationship that falls apart when the young man starts to cheat. More detail of the positive times would make the failure of the relationship stand out more graphically.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Two major characters, The writer and Antonio. While they are described as being in university they seem a bit immature.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

pass relationships - should be past
cousin birthday party - should be cousin's

FINAL THOUGHTS:

It needs a little work.


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458
458
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of If Only I Could Talk

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A day in the life of a dog. Tuesday it seems is not usually a good day. Perhaps more detail would be beneficial. The poem does portray the loneness and boredoom of the animal.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A dog's view of a boring day.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

More information. Express how the dog feels about being left alone.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

a good start but it does not go far enough.


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459
459
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
From Here to Eternity
460
460
Review of Burned Bottoms  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Review of Burned Bottoms

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

It is funny how a story like this always brings such memories to mind. I shared in the revelations of the smells of life and family. When it came to burn bottoms our family was different. There were the crys for the rolls but they were always sitting on a counter. Forgotten and never having blessed the oven.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

a well planned tale of holiday and sharing.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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461
461
Review of A Winters Night  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Review of A Winter's Night

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A series of impressions of cold and night as felt and seen by the writer.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Simple images of winter and the cold that it brings.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Expand your ideas and images.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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462
462
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


Review of Old Time Thanksgiving

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A series of memories tied together in a wonderful free form poem that highlights those happening at a families thanksgiving meal and celebration.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Tying the memories together in such a way that one feels it is their own family.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed the poem.


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463
463
Review of The Nightmare  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Review of The Nightmare

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A complex story with a lot of unusual and unexplained happenings. There should be an opportunity to clarify some of the character and plot.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A good general plot but it needs to strengthened. Concentrate on one phase at a time. The trip, the capture, the escape, the rescue, etc. Character need a little better description as well.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Two simple things. Use a larger font and create spacing to make story more readable. Open a novel and look to see how it is formatted and try to make your layout similar.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This story needs work but there is a lot to work with.


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464
464
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)




*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of The Night Before Christmas

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Is it a Christmas miracle. A little almost nativity story using characters
from the television show "The Young Riders".

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Stuck in a snowstorm Buck is trying to make it home for Christmas and takes refuge in a cave with a man named Jose and his wife who is about to deliver a baby. buck assists.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Good story. No suggestions for improvement.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Have a happy WDC anniversary.


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465
465
Review of The Last Guardian  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)




*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of The Last Guardian

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

There seems to a battle going on from the creatures in this cave to those that are referred to giants above. The ending is creative and well told.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

It seems the giants above have resorted to poisoned food and a strange mist that kills. Chemical weapons used against this civilization.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Have a happy WDC anniversary.


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466
466
Review of The Devil Lies  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)




*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of The Devil Lies

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

This is a story about trusting. It lets us know that we have to be careful about who we trust. it also teaches us to realize that some will lie to us and they usually press us for acceptance.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

In this story the devil pressures a man to accept his protection. It is a false security. The two characters are the devil and the man making the wrong decision.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Are you still writing? Share your stories on WDC.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Have a great WDC Anniversary


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467
467
Review of A Moment Of  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)




*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of A Moment of

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A gift of music shared in a moment and the feeling that are felt if not expressed about the sense of power it provides.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

the lone character at the keyboard creates music that captures the characters of the audience.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

i enjoyed the way you told this story.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Please enjoy your WDC anniversary and keep writing.


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468
468
Review of Cold Torture  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)




*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Cold Torture

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A woman scorned is nothing to laugh about. Francine's husband has been cheating on her. She cuts herself with a knife and orange juice gets into the wound. She suffers terrible pain because of this. she decides what to do.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Francine is the only strong character and her feeling and expressions to being cheated on by her husband with her best friend Kelly. Good definiton of her pain and her resolve to do something about it.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

We never find out what happens to Kelly.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Have a Happy WDC anniversary.


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469
469
Review of The Domino Effect  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)




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Review of The Domino Effect

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A well written multi-tiered story of deceit and murder in a law office.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:
Gina Norris catches seventy-year old lawyer Larry Dunder kissing Fern Stanton. she tells her friend Angela Banks that she took pictures and is going to blackmail Larry. There is a great double twist in the story that makes it worth reading.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

My only suggestion is that you have a wonderful WDC anniversary.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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470
470
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)



Review of Random Thoughts Gleaned Walking My Dogs

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I thought this poem might just be reflections of thought but was surprised the thought come from the actions of the dogs that are being walked. Each thought makes sense and the simple wisdom is well applied to man.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Dogs and man are very similar it seems. I enjoyed the thoughts behind the poem.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I am glad you were able to gets your thoughts into a book.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well Done.


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471
471
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Review of Not According to Plan

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A great story poem about a girl who is expected to marry a certain guy. Someone else comes into her life and she chooses him surprising friends and family.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

things change and often they change for the better. This is a great story told in poetic form.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions for improvement.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

A very enjoyable story.


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472
472
Review of I Make No Apology  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)



Review of I Make No Apology

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I just wondered what I did for you to express your wrath so deeply and with so much anger and emotion.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The next time I want to ream someone a new asshole I will pull out this poem to use as my starter.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Tell me what caused you to get to this point.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thoughts that I often would like to express.


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473
473
Review of The Body Double  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of The Body Double

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A flash fiction story where a rich man has been diagnosed with liver cancer. He has a clone prepared for him to take over. I presume they will move his memories and thoughts to the clone.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Bill, the doctor and the clone. The actual happening are a little confusing. I think the clone develops liver cancer and bill in frustration shoots himself. I could be wrong.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

None.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.


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474
474
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Have You Seen the Light

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

He states he lived in darkness and depression but saw the light and she made changes in his life. However he left the light and now suffers because he was blind.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

He and she who is the light. A sort of metaphor for light and love.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

keep writing. This was good.


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475
475
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)



Review of Beautifully Scarred

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Good synopsis of a longer story. It leaves room to develop both characters and plot.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

They seem unlikely partners at this point. You might need to cement a relationship before trying to involve Amira in BDSM activities.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Larger font with spacing between paragraphs makes your work standout.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

write the rest


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