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1351
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloong* Welcome to WDC JSS!I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Cat*

*Fairyr*I was drawn to the title on the Read A Newbie page and thought the concept of a Peanut butter troll was *Cool* It made me curious. I love fantasy too.

*Fairyr*This is a deligthful episode that drew me in with the Creak of the door! You set up a mystery as we do not know where we are or who is running and who opened the door. I like the build up up to the arrival of the main character.
Then you set us up for the next chapter well as he meet this unknown--I assume , human. *Thumbsup*

*Fairyr* The description of Peeayah and his movements are vivid. I loved when he "curled up into a ball and awaited his doom".
whenhe is talikingn inside his head maybe put those words in Italics to seaprtate from narrative and speech. eg “Take deep breaths, Peeayah, take deep breaths just like they taught you in 3rd. Grade industry.” Use {i} and then {/} at the end of the line.

*Fairyr*I wonder if, for an easier read you could break up the first paragraph a bit. Maybe after the THUD--you could add a space line The other paragraphing is good. I am not sure which age gorup htis is for--but it makes it a bit easier to break it up.

*Fairyr*It is good idea not to use "ly" adverbs like breathlessly, as they are not really showing descriptives and are frowned on in publishing these days. Be vivid and clear.

*Fairyr* I would drop the "poke, poke" as you already said he jabbed him. We can get the picture from that.
There may be other points of story stuctures that I missed sas I am no pro., but I loved the story.

*Fairyr* I wonder whose home it is and what a Gaarlick is and how the door opened, and cannot wait to read the next chapter. Lots ot go with!
I so enjoyed the creativity, characters, names and action of this episode. Keep on going!

Thank you for sharing your unique craft.
You might like : "Writing 4 Kids Group" Open in new Window.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1352
1352
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloong* Welcome to WDC Lilith!. I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Cat*

*Fairyr*I was drawn to the title on the Read A Newbie page and was intirgugeud by the notion of stories coming and going. *Wink*

*Fairyr*I don't know if this is poetry per se, maybe prose, but I like the concept you are expressing and the way it flows along. You could make it look like a poem if you were to arrange it differently on the page. *Wink*

*Fairyr*It has a delightful voice and energy as you explore your idea about stories and the effect they have on you. The comparison of stories to people is unique and interesting.

*Fairyr* The line "some make you feel, some make you realize" gave me pause and wow!!I It is evocative and ture too so you make me think of which books I might classify this way.. Well done!

*Fairyr*Thanks for sharing your craft and this way of connecting story, people, and characters. Keep on musing! *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1353
Review of I Stalk the Night  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloong*Welcome to WDC skeason!. I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Cat*

*Fairyr*I was drawn to the eery title on the Read A Newbie page and was curious about the Sychronicity form. I have not heard of it. *Shock*

*Fairyr*The poem appears to follow the pattern you give in your sub note! Wow! I can imagine this is a challenge to do and make sense too. Thanks for the convenient information. *Thumbsup*

*Fairyr*Wow! This is dark with potent energy and images. I could read it with ease and it followed a coherent path.
The 2 sylavbe words in each verse were well chosen to mirror content of the verses.

*Fairyr* I would try not to use adevrbs with "LY" as they are not really vivid descriptors--more abstract.
"small moments" is interesting when I would have thought "short" moments.

*Fairyr*The voice was strong and consistent and I could hear its edgey tone.

*Starstruck*I could really imagine this being and its purpose! *Shock* And I did not see the picture prompt. ! Well done! Thanks for sharing your craft. Keep on musing!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1354
Review of My Masterpiece  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC Sheridan!. I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Cat*
Take it all as POV and use what feels right for you! *Wink*

*Fairyr*I was drawn to the title on the Read A Newbie page and thought the concept of a room being a masterpiece was cool! *Cool* It made me curious.
*Fairy* I get the notion that your room is indeed your private haven for dreaming, collecting memorabilia, and escaping the weary tension of the outside world. Good job. I liked the word "miniscule" *Smile* Interesting use of the world "deadline" too!

*Fairyr* I expected more description of maybe the colours/decor that help with this atmosphere. I could imagine a shelf with your tributes and ribbons and the dog picture (I wondered what kind of dog--just as a visual).also you use the word "holding" twice . I would have liked to see a different word for variety here. {eg "instead of ancient--use the type of dog ; eg my old sheep dog,

I imagine you liying on your bed gazing around and wonder what else you focus on -posters. com screen pic, mobiles hanigng from the ceiling. do you write there? It takes me back to my room--though it took awhile to get a room of my own I was the eldest of six and we shared!! when I did it was sure a best place to get away form it all. And I could listen to my own music. LOL I even had a rocking chair!

*Fairyr*The poem is a free expression which suits the content and I like the repetitive bits as emphasis. You did a good job with the verses each beginning with My room" . When I read "my room, my own" I immediately thought of Gollum in Lord of the Rings".
It added some depth of how prized this room is to you. Good call!

*Fairyr*In the last two verses I wanted to leave off the words "this Is" as it breaks your patterns of previous verses .
though I see in the last verse -it could be used for an emphatic effect.

*Starstruck*I so enjoyed reading this poetic tribute to your masterpiece. Worth tweaking! Thanks you for sharing a bit of yourself and for evoking my memories. {which are not ancient but old enough!! } *Wink* Keep on musing.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of 13 Days of Horror  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Pumpkin**Devil* Yikes! this is a Horrorible Fantastic Tribute to hallowe'en theme with its collection of timely, themely entertainments. *Ghost* Using 13 give the fates power to hook the superstitious! For who would tempt fate?

*Witch*The red and black is evocative and I love the crow..or raven...takes me back to E.A. POE! Your intro is entertaining and invites us into the creepy atmosphere. OOOH I like how you boxed the sub headings in Orange!

*Jackolantern* The variety of links highlighted is amazing! contests, vampire crosswords? creepy cnotes {who knew?} and a splashy array of scarey skins to wear. There is a creepy idea. Changing skins! *Shock* They really are quite elegant and fashionable ! Red eyes glowing in the dark and spiders in webs!---I am creeping away.....fast as my fairy wings can take me...to hid in the tree in the moonlight. *Moon* *Laugh*

*Cat*Thanks for gathering all of these spooky activities all in one place to add some excitement and ghouly party fun to the season! *Pumpkin**Ghost**Monkey* I had no idea some of these things existed. *Rolleyes*

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Birthday Matt! *Fire* This review is part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. gifted byA E Willcox Author Icon. *Balloonr*

*Fairyr* It is the time of Power DARE raid and I saw your birthday review gift at the shop so here I am! I was in the mood for some pictures so scanned your port with its brilliant array of images for all manner of places in your "The Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society" Open in new Window.! The folder title caught my eye as the word "contest " is singular, which made me think. Sounded odd. *Wink*

*Fairyr* I really liked the theme based images that serve to create a coherent contest page. The gray rock wall title images are so reflective of fantasy and medieval structures. The fire place center piece is inviting and we dream of stories by the fire. The side images of painting on rock add potency and darama. I like the snake and dragon! I was curious of the one saying: the Story so far...it may have reflected a continuation of story prompt or.. guess I would have to check out the contest page. *Wink*

*Fairyr* The images of scroll like frames inscribed with winners of contest is creative and a bright way to give tribute. The gold colour frame speaks of honour and glory!

*Dragon* The folder contents reflects an organization and the peices within would add interest and evocative atmosphere to the contest page.! *Starstruck*

Thanks for all you do to make WDC space rock and the Fantasy Genre shine Bright! *Fire*

eyestar
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Review of I Write  Open in new Window.
for entry "Tree" Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Fire* HI Carly! This review is part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..*Fire*

*Trees* I was intrigued by the I Write Challenge and see you have some wonderful entries. I chose this one as I am a tree hugger. *Wink*Just love and honour trees.

*Tree*I enjoyed the description of the tree that evokes a vibraction of appreciation. ending with the idea of trees as a mentor of peace really appeals to me.

*Tree3* I could really see the stretching of the tree "wide" and "deep". "fingers" really is a cool way to describe "roots".

*Tree2* The free form is effective and when I read it it imitates the tree's growth in my mind. I did find "sturdily up" a bit awkward to say.
"vitality in that lay beneath?" confused me. I wondered how to replace or drap "and" at beginnings of lines. *Wink*

*Treepine* Thanks for sharing your vision of tree vibes! Write on!


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Review of My Writing Sucks  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight*HI weird one!
I could not resist your title and burst out laughing at your verse! Excellent evocation in the last line! I can just imagine the whole moment in time. *Thumbsup*
The student blushing and embarrassed either because his poem is not very good or he wrote a love poem and kids will smirk. Your title lets us know for sure but if we didn't see the title, it opens up avenues for the reader to rleate and see between the lines their own way. Japanese poetry allows for that experience. So good for you. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for writing your first senryu. It made an impact in expressing human nature in a humourous way! *Star*.

Good work with the syllable and line count.
I am not sure senryu traditionally uses punctuation/caps much but your useage makes sure we get the tone and vibe.
As I said earlier titles give away the punch line. But it helps us keep track of what we write. LOL so I won't discount in my rating.

This just rocks and I salute you!! *Starstruck*

eyestar
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Review of Daddy"s Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
*Delight*HI Ida. I clicked the random review page and here I am with a review to celebrate you!

Your poetic expression has a sad, longing tone and highlights a situation that I am sure is very common in out society and wrenches many heart. Even just the title can evoke a positive or negative vibe depending on the telling. It reminded me of the song of the same name but it was more positive.

The questioning in the piece reveal the mind not comprehending how a child can choose a worse situation and yet the simple truth of being Daddy's girl is the very emotional, non-logical answer you can do nothing about. Choice.

I would have liked to see you use "my daughter's a daddy's girl" as the first line and then have the first line be the first line of the second verse. The word "yea" is an agreement and would make more sense there.

I was wondering about using "knows she's" rather than the more rational "realizes". Her heart might "Know it but she seeks what she does not thinks she has--to be daddy's world.

Repeating "Daddy's world" is emphatic as if that's all the mind can focus on.

The poem is free style, which suits the emotional content. I wonder how your last verse could reflect the same style as your other verses: a statement and then the question--eg Does she not know she's mommy's world?
I do see how you want to make the point clear that she is not with you , though. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this personal emotionally stirring piece. *Heart*

eyestar

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Review of Creativity  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Rayyna! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Smile*

*Fairyr* I saw this the title on the Read A Newbie page and it sparked interest as creativity can. *Smile* I was delighted to read your vision how creativity happens. The images you use are vivid and inventive and vital words like "spark", "light", 'masterpiece', "flourish" fit with the theme.

*Fairyr* My muse appreciated the "cornucopia of whispers", "hiding in nooks' "streaks of.." and potent vibrant words like "spurred". Wonderful!

*Fairyr* I like how express the process of ideas out of dark crannies on to the production. I think you need a comma after "once tapped" .

*Fairyr* I really enjoyed your message in this almost philosophical prose expression. Thank you for reminding me how creativity can merely be hiding unless I allow and let light in. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1361
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp*Welcome to WDC Lindsay! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Smile*

*Fairyr* I was charmed by the title and liked the alliterative quality or Hortense and Honeybee. Nice flow and kids will like it too.

*Fairyr* The theme for the children's series is original and I can imagine the lessons that could be facilitated through the adventures.

*Fairyr*I enjoyed reading this introduction as it is so child centered in tone and vocabulary. We can see the beginnings of a caring and brave little bee and learned a little about hive life.

*Fairyr* I think you need a comma after "at first" and "out side" is one word.
I can see the first 5 lines in a paragraph--or in with a picture page.

*Fairyr* This is a good basic summary of the start. I can't wait to hear of her adventures.*Smile* Keep writing.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Silent Lucidity  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI S.Wynterborne! Happy One year Anniversary! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

Wow! This is a creepy episode. The line at the end really hit its mark. *Shock*

Your description of this man undergoing surgery is vivid and you draw us into his growing awareness naturally. The idea that he is aware is freaky.
I was puzzled when you said he couldn't recall after the incident--does that mean he pulls through? The ending evoked other possibilities.

The last paragraph gives a real sensate picture of this being with its creepy voice and scarey appearance. Yikes! I hope it is just a nightmare and he will wake up. Not a pleasant experience while in surgery. The title works !

You did a good job with the present tense though I noticed in the third verse it changed-- he couldn't begin, pain was exploding etc.

I couldn't help but read on to see what would happen and then you leave us hanging. *Shock* Good ploy!

Thanks for sharing your crafting and allowing me to enter the dream.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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1363
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Barnabas! Happy Anniversary! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Shock**Delight*Oh my gosh. I love tongue twisters and have fun helping children learn sounds by saying them. *Delight*The last one would appeal to them and me as I love chocolate.

These twisters are so entertaining and I so had a good time chomping them out speedily as I could. It is amazing how they all make sense! *Cool*
The vocabulary for ch words is interesting and I had to laugh expecially at the image of the first one! *Bigsmile* " a chiming chortle".
The word play and images are imaginative and evocative as gives us a chance to use our own imagination! "cheeky chompers"! *Laugh*

*Starstruck* It is evident you have brilliant skill in creating these comical expressions and presnt reader with a challenge speaking them aloud. *Thumbsup*
Thanks for sharing the fun .

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
HI Kim, I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


*Fire*I was drawn to the evocative title and enjoy aboriginal tales. You set the story up so vividly in the description of the home that I a felt I was snuggled there too listening by the fire in the furs! *Heart* Well done. You captured my imagination and interest. I couldn't wait to continue.

*Fire*Wow! This is such a delightful story that serves a lesson as well. it is crafted effectively and has the true feel and tone of a legend complete with the contest and reactionary drama. When you paused in the middle I felt like the children wanting to know the end. Good ploy to add tension.

*Fire*The storytelling voice was clear and it was eloquent to read aloud. The story came to life because of the careful detail and wonderful dialogue. I could hear the different voices. The character of the wise grandmother was authentic. The descriptions of the grandma, actions and setting were so clear and active. The rule for show , don't tell is very apparent! *Smile* I could really witness the scenes of the people, village, the owl's antics etc. *Delight*

*Moon* A few minor glitches that occurred to me:
In " Owl and Rabbit discussed this for a moment then agreed they would have a contest" I think you need the punctuation or "and" between "moment" and" then". Same with "The woman thought for a moment then addressed Owl".

*Moon*Too many "and"s in this --feels run on sentence. "She turned and walked slowly to the door and put on a worn hand-knit sweater and beckoned for us to follow her outside." *Wink* In "Owl became very angry and snatched " I wanted top put comma in place of the "and".

*Fire*The concept of the rabbit in the moon is inventive and works! Wow!

*Fire*I was surprised by the stew in the end and yet it all makes sense --natives honour all creatures with gratitude and everything is part of the cycle. wonderful teaching go for the children here. And us too! I like how you weaved it all so coherently.

*Starstruck*Amazing story crafting and a tribute to aboriginal heritage that was entertaining and heartwarming. Thanks for allowing me to enter the dream.

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
HI Gypsyrose, I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


*Fairyr* I fell upon your children's folder as I too just began one, not that I am too prolific in adding to it. *Smile* I was charmed by your theme and title that rolled off the tongue and appealed to my imagination!

*Teddy*This is a delightful tale and I had fun following the little cub's adventrue with sticky gum. I am sure kids can even relate to it if they have had it on shoe or in hair. You chose a wonderful way of showing the "dangers" of tossing gum and ow it could effect nature's creatures. Most kids would not want to hurt them.

*Fairyr* The images were vivid and the tone of the conversation between the bears is natural. I could imagine the poor bear in its curiosity trying to shift the sticky stuff and just get more trouble with it in its fur.
I laughed at the bubble bursting though it wouldn't be funny to the bear. Kids have laughed naturally at such things and then help out after. *Laugh*! I could feel the shock of the bear. Big letters are emphatic.
I don' t know that the cub would have realised that sticky stuff is not fun--if out of his experience or if he hadn't been warned. He may have been warned about bees.

*Teddy* I enjoyed reading the verses though there are places where the rhythm is not even and some wordy lines but the rhyme was pleasing and the voice was consistent and wise.

*Fairyr* A few minor glitches to consider: only my POV that struck me as I read aloud.! *Wink*

In verse one I think you can drop the "And" in the last line as it seems redundant to me and throws of the flow.

You used two "but"s in the second verse. I would drop the first one as the line is jsut saying she found the gum in her natural adventruous way. The But can come later.

In verse 3 second line the second "she" is redundant.
In verse 4 you only need quotations at the beginnig of what mama said and at the end of the verse and she is speaking consequetively. *Wink*
Same in the next verse where the cub says everything. " at beginning and end only.

Verse 7 is awkward to read especially the second line. The"And" at the start of the last line is redundant as it feels run on with the next "and" in the line. I wanted to read "a bear might pass" in the second last verse as it flows better.

*Teddy* It is so effective to begin like a fable and end with the piece of wisdom that the tale illustrates. It is magical and meaningful and using the teddy bear idea is appealing as most kids love teddies! Also it teaches a little about bees and bears too.! and could lead to discussions on pollution and respecting nature in general. *Thumbsup*

*Starstruck* Thanks for sharing this imaginative and entertaining story poem. I know some children to share it with! Yay! Keep musing.

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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for entry "Compulsion to Write" Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Fire* HI Lost Ghost! This review is the last part of your Solar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.! It has been awhile since I visited this cool quilt! *Smile*

*Fire* I was compelled by the title to peek in here to the addict writer's mind! *Wink* This is tightly woven verse disclaiming all usual reasons to write and proclaim madness. LOL

*Fire*I had not heard of this form , so thanks for the link. The rhyme is well done and the punctuation really added to the flow of the read. I enjoyed the soundscape of the weave as well. The wording is fun and effective : like "mad like", "this neither is..".

*Fire*Reading aloud I felt felt akind of heavy pressure that compulsion brings. The images were vivid and varied.
I really liked the "status-tweets" idea! *Smile*

*Fire*This is well conceived and I imagine took time to get the form with its even syllabication. *Star*The message is clear and potent and one I think many can relate to. Muses have their own timing and when they come to call--no way to escape!

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your experience in such an eloquent expression.

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Fairyr*Hi Carly. Congratulations on your enshrinement and Welcome to the Paper Tigers! *Bigsmile*

*Fairyr*I was lured to Blog City today as I cruised for a place to play and saw your Ramblings. I always liked that word as it speaks of freedom and lack of structure and conformity. Allowing expression that freedom appales to me.

*Fairyr*I so admire your ability to blog everyday and even do several blog prompts! Yikes. I give it a go once in awhile but, alas, inconsistent so I rally marvel at others. I enjoyed reading your variety of entries etched with personal style and sincerity.

*Fairyr*Your entry pages are well organized and aesthestically appealing and easy to read. Daily prompt topics are higlighted and I like how you delineate each to stand out from each other. The simple decor carries through on each page adding to coherent look. *Smile*

*Fairyr*I admire the vulnerabilty of your voice and the detail you use to make your comments interesting. I learned alot about you, fellow canadian!! I liked the Acrostic of WDC and the list of cool things you like to do on your own. Your alphabet story is inventive and fun.

*Fairyr* Your opening intro could have some colour maybe for flair! Your intro line is brief and speaks of your intent effectively! I like the contrast of "forge" with the "rambling".
I notice one of your image links is not showing up. *Wink* wrong bracket! I do that a lot!!

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing this well written personal expression. It rocks! Carry on rambling! *Quill*

eyestar
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Review of Existing Today  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloony* HI Kings. *Delight* I am happy to review to celebrate you from the Random Reviews. *Bookopen*

*Music1* Wow! I wish I could hear the music for this song! The title is evocative and sets the tone. I am not sure it would have a magnetic appeal. I love the Tag at the end that sums up the message.

*Music2* The theme is a good one for a love song. I read it laound and the near rhymes work and there is a rhythm that is solid. I did find the last line in first verse a bit longer to sing that the rest. The music and the way you sing it may make it work. The metaphor in that line is brilliant! "fade out"!

*Music1*I can feel the sad lament of the lyric and the contrast between when the speaker had love and then lost it. *Thumbsup*

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing this cool expression.

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
HI passionate! Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Balloong*

*Fairyr*I was drawn to the title on the Read A Newbie page and it appealed to my imagination. *Smile*

*Fairyl*What a delightful read and full of positive advice and enthusiastic energy that suits the young and young at heart.
The images were vivid and the rhyme rocked! I like the style and pattern of your lines. Remind me of a see saw--eg this and then that. Clever! *Cool*

*Fairyl* I noticed that "its" needs to be "it's" if you mean "it is" as in "it's time " "it's your age" *Wink*
I wondered if "be at your toes" meant "be on your toes"?

*Fairyr*The free verse suits the emotional content of the exhoration vibe and the sports metaphor is brilliant for the message.
Lines 7 and 8 flowed longer than the rest. In line 8 did you mena "hurdles of the race". You could just say "Leap hurdles..race" without the words "over" to shorten in up. Maybe. *Smile*

*Starstruck* The poem is inspiring and encouraging as well w as wise. Thanks for sharing your fits crafting. It rocks! *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
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Review of Light and Dark  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fairyr* Hi celeste. I am here to celebrate you and WDC birthday Bash! Hope you are having fun! *Balloonp* I so admire your facility with japanese form. It is so away to think. *Smile* I still find it a challenge to do but love to read and ponder them.

*Fairyr*This is a vivid image and I so relate to it. Bugs, especially mosquitos are my nemesis outdoors! I appreciate the metaphor here.

*Fairyr*It was pleasing to read it aloud too as the vocab had similar sounds. I cna imagine the swarm and the idea that light attracts the dark. It makes me think of fhow helaers and folks of higher consciousness draw the opposite--as if they see the light and want it though may need to fight it as well. Way showers.

I did wonder about the idea of dark vs good as I think "dark" can be the creative void as well. Got me thinking.*Thumbsup*

*Fairyr*I wondered about the captials and full sentence form as traditional haiku uses phrasings. I am learning there are so many renditions of the form now, difficult to comment on. LOL Frees up expression. *Smile*

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your craft and continuing to inspire the writing of this form.


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Review of Whispering Stars  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Fire* Hi angels in my ears! This review is the last part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. *Fire* Enjoy!

*Delight*I have so enjoyed my visit to your port and your variety of poetic expressions. I couldn't resist this one as I like stars and the title is magical is scope. *Fairyl*

*Partyhatv* I was drawn right into your vision of the stars and their pull, where there seen or unseen. Your observations are vivid and I could feel the undertone of wishing. I like the idea that your see them as guardians of sorts. I was inspired to think of them as muses, gateways to the unknown places in our being. as though they can call us to our real selves, especially in the night sky.

*Partyhatr*I wonder what phase of the moon it is is. It can be hard to see stars clearly on full moon nights. *Smile*

*Partyhaty*The free form style is suitable for this kind of dreaming flow of consciousness and I like the repeated phrase like an underlying echo filtering through the whole day. It felt sad with "gleam is lost" *Sad* Good line. And I like "mark the trail" too.
The poem has a coherent storyline{evenas apoem it reads a bit like story) and palpable atmosphere. *Thumbsup*

*Starstruck*I am so happy I found this poem as it inspires me and I want to go and listen to the stars whisper to me. It takes listening. *Wink*
Thanks for sharing your starry tribute.


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Review of Empyrean Promise  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Fire* Hi angels in my ears! This review is part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. *Fire* Enjoy!

*Delight* The uniquely worded title caught my eye and stirred my curiosity! I would have had to check its meaning to be sure so thanks for the convenient definition in author's notes. *Smile*

*Partyhatv*The sonnet form is fairly well composed and exudes an aura of peace and hope. The theme suits the form too as it raises the signifiacance of the message. The images are vivid and language evokes the heavenly topic.

*Partyhatr*From the notes, if I understand them, the lines are to 8 syllables. I noticed that several of yours are not: line 7, 10, and 13 have less.*Smile* Line three I am not sure -it depends on how you say "celestial" I did want to remove the word "your" and just keep "love" as not owned.
I amnot so good with form poems so take what fits and dump the rest. *Wink*
I noted too that you used "supernal" twice and I wondered about all the "ness" words so close together. It felt heavy but perhaps intended.

*Starstruck*The lovely sonnet expresses a wonderful message of faith and is inspirational in tone and concept. Well done!
Keep on writing. *Quill*


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Review of I am an Echo  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* Hi angels in my ears! This review is part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. *Fire* Enjoy!

*Delight*I was drawn to the evocative title that inspired me to ponder. I am intrigued by this idea. Good choice of title for the theme.

*Partyhatv*Wow! This is a moving heartfelt expression, like a song. The feelings and notions you display are vivid and so create the atmosphere of a hollow space where one is not seen for who they be, yet is hopeful.

*Partyhatr*I can so identify with the idea of portraying a mask when one is aware of how different one is and is not recognized. It is like one is searching for one's people! People who resonate a happier and similar vibe.

*Partyhaty* I enjoyed reading the free rendering. It did not seem to have a pattern yet the message and emotional content was potent and the style suited the theme and purpose. I like the refrain that you repeat in each verse.

*Partyhatr*It occurs to me that an echo can be either positve or negative. Sometimes the echo can be the key to awakening of another's vision.

*Starstruck*This "echo" just rocks and I hear ya! *Smile* Keep on writing and shine as the *Star* you are.


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Review of Sleep  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight*Welcome to WDC Betina! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Cakep* I had to check out more of your senryu! *Delight*

*Fire*Oh I really like the evocative poem with its inherent and potent wisdom. The middle line gets attention and gives us pause to consider. Then the last line seals the idea. Good contrast of "sleep" with "life". We can have peace when we die. LOL

*Fairyl*Again you have me entering in to the dream with my perspective. Clever. This poem felt stronger than Your "autumn".

*Violin*I wonder about the capital letters. *Wink*

*Star*Thanks for sharing another renedeirng in senryu form. I enjoyed it.

Light on the path as you write on!
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Review of Autumn  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp*Welcome to WDC Betina! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Cake3*

*Partyhaty*Oh, I enjoy reading japanese forms so I was happy to find this title on the Read A Newbie page. *Delight*

*Partyhatg*I can visualize thesenryu moment in autumn and I like the definition of "happiness"!

*Partyhatr*I know senryu is like haiku in form and you have the lines and syllables and the human aspect. *Thumbsup* I think you can drop the captial letters and ideally the form could be less sentence like. I find it a challenge to create and am still learning.

*Starstruck*This is a delightful image and I dream of the children swinging as leaves fall and jumping in leaves and the joy of just being. In this way your senryu fulfills the essence of involving the reader in the dream. *Smile* Thanks for writing in this complex form.

Light on the path as you write on!
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