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1351
1351
Review of The Seasons  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* Hi dandelion Man. This review is part of your Special Event Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! We are catching up! *Delight*

*Leaf*Oh, this poem is a treasure! I love the japanese forms and so Here I am! *Smile*

*Flowerp*The senryu is an excellent choice for this moving concept of relationship. The metaphor is well conceived and explored in these short seasonal verses. The cycle of nature twined with the idea of changing relationship is brilliant.

*Snow1*The form is well done in line and syllables and content. I wondered about using the "we" twice in verse one and the word "then". I have read it is better not to use same words twice in short poems. I imagine it is difficult to compose these chains and the theme is coherent and flows well.

*Sun*The last line as question is effective--hope lingers.

*Starstruck*This poem well deserves its award and was fun to enter into and experience--it evokes the reader to bring their own perspectives to the piece--so it can be personal. Well done! *Smile*

*Fire* Keep the ink flowing and write on through more seasons!

eyestar
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1352
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
HI Writing Jewel, I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


Oh I love haiku and am an avid student of this form so I dove right in here when I found your lovely expression!

*Rain* I really liked the idea in the second line-- an evocative metaphor of "nature's breath". The last line opens the reader to the whole universe happening in one moment as it rains. We are invited to imagine and ponder the mystery. *Delight*

*Rain* The form follows the traditional syllables and line count, natuer theme and showing a moment in time. I don't think haiku has capital letters or as much punctuation as you have here. Phrases are used more often than actual sentence type lines.

*Rain* I wanted to see more descriptive words for wind and rain raterh than the words words like "The" twice in the first line. Just to give amore vivid image.

*Starstruck* You give me lots to ponder in this conception, which I what I appreciate in haiku. Thanks for sharing your haiku craft! *Delight*

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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1353
1353
Review of The Fall of Hope  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
HI,Joseph! I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


*Leaf*I really had fun in experiencing your tribute to fall! The voice and pace is lively-full of energy.
The title is evocative as I can see the positive and negative connotations of the fall--of hope! Cool!

*Leaf*Thee vocabulary is brilliant and vivid for the theme. I like the idea of "urgency" with"grace" a unique contrast.
Evocative concept of "new embrace"--I see jumping in leaves but also getting ready for new seasonal weather.

*Leaf*The thought of feeling great about fall yet wondering why it is thrill when perhpas we should not be looking forward to winter..is interesting too. Calls forth enjoying the moment as it is! *Thumbsup*

*Leaf* I think you need a comma after "oh" in line one. I wonder if you need both "what" and "such" together in line one.

*Leaf* The voice is personal and has a reflective tone. I felt drawn into the experience as your questions appeal to the audience. Very engaging. *Delight*

*Leaf* Reading the poem with its lively rhyme and changing rhythms, which added drama, was a pleasure . *Thumbsup*

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your vibrant expression and crafting.

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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1354
1354
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
HI Demolition, I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


*Bird*Wow! This is brilliant in concept and as a dedication that reflects history today! It is very potent in voice, vision and it's heartfelt query in the end. *Thumbsup* Many can relate to that lament--given the unknowable.

*Bird*The biblical story is vividly recounted in poetic form with avid and thematic vocabulary and well composed rhyme and rhythm scheme.
Vivid images like "vipers" and soundscapes like "Herod's hatred" and "bloddy breed" are appealing in builidng the atmosphere and feeling.

*Bird* Its flow is easy to read aloud like hymn and the repeated query lines in the later verse serve as powerful emphasis of the anguishing wondering of the speaker-Joseph. It gives emotional potency and shows the ultimate confusion that makes no sense to aht was expected by a saviour.

*Bird*The voice is consistent and the transition from story telling to the direct appeal to God is natural.

*Starstruck* Thank you for sharing this heartfelt and potent commentary in such a n expressive way. It brings home how little some places and behaviours have remain unchanged in the world. *Sad*

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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1355
1355
Review of Holding me back  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Fire* Hi Dreamer1808! This review is the final part of yourSpecial Event Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! *Delight*

Wow! You have really portrayed a depressive atmosphere. The idea that you can't get free and the future is doomed to be like the past history is potent and at the end we feel the hopeless conclusion. I can hear the plea, the promise or deal, the questioning tht is so common when one is refelcting on life and its chaos. I am sure many can relate to this moment.

The voice is personal and vulnerble and the verse flowed fairly well when I read aloud. The rhythm is not even and the rhyme is well done, adding to the flow. I wanted to skip "back" in line 3, verse 3. The last line here had potent energy .

In the second verse "can not" should be one word "cannot".
In the second last verse you use "feel" twice in one line. Maybe use "be free" in the second intance. Better to have variety of words.

This has a sad tone that makes me hope that there can be a happier a persepective around the corner after this release .

Thanks for sharing this personal emotional expression. *Starstruck* Keep writing!

eyestar
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1356
1356
Review of The Autumn Gala  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Treepine*Greetings Maryann! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" ! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

I really enjoy the whimsical vibration of this haiku and the appealing page. *Smile* I can imagine the "dance" of the leaves and like the idea of the squirrels. *Laugh* You capture this fall moment in a vivid, engaging manner.

The form is well constructed and the turning point of the last line works. Nice use of the "w" sound as well. I have the impression of fall from the imagery so I am not sure you need the word "Fall". Maybe another descriptor would work. LOL like walnuts! *Laugh*

I also enjoyed the sound combinations and it was fun to read aloud. Well done.

Thanks for sharing your fine crafting of haiku. You make fall fun. *Starstruck*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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Review of Autumn haiku  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Treepine*Greetings Mike! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" ! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

Wow! The first line made me feel sad for the passing season and evoke thoughts of other losses, l like children leaving home, old barns rotting away. You caught my attention and I entered the dream from another place. *Smile* The atmosphere so reflects the season.

The haiku form is well structured and conceived and was pleasant to read. Autumn is evoked in your weaving and I like how you showed the wind without saying it was windy in the second line! *Smile* Your last line changes our view from the higher branches to the leaves on the ground below. I am drawn to consider the fate of the leaves .

I was wondering how to not use "and". *Rolleyes* I also thought that leaves crunch underfoot.

I was reading a class instruction on line once a that gave a challenge to make each of three line make sense if you read from bottom to top or top to bottom--hard to do. I could see you making this do it with a few tweaks . LOL *Wink*

This is fine a model of haiku. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your crafting and thanks for the journey.

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Treepine*Greetings Ben! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" ! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

*Smile* The title of this haiku is attention grabbing and evocative in itself, *Delight* though usually traditional haiku are not titled but for ease of identification. I had to smile at the bit of humour.

The poem was delightful to read and I liked the alliterative flow and image of the second line. I could really visualize the stubborn leaves clinging and and losing the battle. The last line has potent emotional impact and I have often seen one odd leaf and imagined its lone status. It also creates the cut to another perspective effectively. *Thumbsup*

I imagine a metaphor as the last line reminded me of military idea of not leaving any behind though facing the hardships of battle and cliniging to hope. Brilliant! *Smile*

The haiku form is correct and well conceived in concept honouring fall. no capital letters are required here and punctuation is used in small amounts for effect. I am wondering about commas in the second line--I will need to study more on this. Seems to me to work both ways. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this fine crafting and for drawing me into a journey. *Starstruck*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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1359
Review of Autumn Haiku  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Treepine*Greetings Skeason! Welcome to WDC and Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" ! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

Wow! This is a truly evocative expression that draws the reader to be involved with the concepts and add their intrepretation. Several images come to mind and I so enjoyed the mythological reference. Brilliant.

The atmosphere you create is potent and the image of the coming cold, the dying time is evident. I wonder if this is a haiku-senryu mix in form as it involves person/myth as opposed to a strict nature image. It is certainly well conceived. *Thumbsup*

Your structure is strong in its syllables, lines and evocation. The theme of fall is evoked in a unique way.
I wasn't too keen on the word "thickness" as it isn't to be vivid as noun image.

This is amazing expression in the Japanese style.*Starstruck* I hope you will write more.

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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1360
1360
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Treepine*Greetings turtlemoon! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" ! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

Wow! I could really visualize this moment in time. *Leaf* I see me walking on fallen leaves that is like a painting on the path. I can smell the musty scent though did not relate the colour making scents in the first line.

I always enjoy your artistic vocabulary and like the idea of imprints. I recall making dried leaf imprints on paper. Thanks for taking me on a journey beyond your vision. Hiaku is best when it evokes the reader to her own interp.

The haiku form is structured well in lines and syllables and the alternate turning point. *Smile*
Adding the "we" puts it a bit into the senryu-haiku, rather than traditional haiku, as it adds a person. I am just being picky for the contest. *Wink*

I enjoyed playng in your vision and the blend of the different senses you add to the atmosphere. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your gift.

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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1361
1361
Review of A Fall Afternoon  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Fire* HI riverbedwriter! This is review 2 of your package{/b}from "Invalid Item"  gifted by The Run-on King PDG Member .

*Leaf*Your description of this fall experience is detailed and vivid. I could so imagine it with many senses: the colours, the town street, the geese, the water, the wind in your hair. I did wonder about adding specific colours to leaves.

*Leaf* The story was coherent and easy to follow, though you jumped abruptly from your first sentence to a specifc day. Wonder if this could be a smoother link.

*Leaf*I enjoyed the comparison of enjoying the cholcolate and the "woodsy scents. I don' t usually associate milkshakes with fall but it makes a connection of the passing seasons.

*Leaf*I I think the word "away" in "in squander time" is redundant , as the vibrant word "squander" gives us that sense. *Wink*
Also I would edit for commas as you are missing some.

*Leaf* In the last line the phrase," if lucky..stimulate" confused me as you are talkng in the past and then switch to present tense. mmm. I do so experience that sixth sense connection with nature. Cool concept.

*Leaf*Thanks for sharing your visionary tribute to the fall season. It sounds like a wonderful day to me. I'll bet you could figure out what the geese are saying if you tuned in. LOL *Wink*


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Review of GODDESS  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* HI sherri! This review is the last part of your Nuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! *Fire*

*Fairyr*Wow! I found another of your mystical poem that I have not reviewed. Yay! I love this kind of themes. *Delight*

*Fairyr*I enjoyed reading this weaving and the language style. I can imagine this Goddess, her calling and influences from the vivid detail and descriptions . I like the picture on the page as well. Regal.

*Fairyr* The poem has a solid structure and the rhyme is awesome. The present tense really works and her work with nature is well portrayed.
My favourite verse 3 with "flourish and nourish" etc.

*Fairyr* I noticed I wanted to put a comma after "love" in the first verse, last line as I assume that freedom and love are her destiny.*Cool*
A few other spots struck me as well--just perhaps a preference as I read aloud for flow.
I wanted to drop the word "the " in line 4 of verse two just to tighten the flow.
I wanted to change "isn't easily " to "not" to make it flow more in sync. In line 4 in verse 3.
(though it may not give the same emphasis you may be making.
Should there be a comma after "departing"? I wanted to read " with a blessed be".

*Starstruck*I really admired the power of this image and the tribute to such a being. I like to think we can all tap into her power and earth healers and standing for peace. As women we can all identify with this archetype. Thanks for sharing her!

eyestar

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Review of HALLOWEEN NIGHT  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Fire* Hi Sherri! This review is part of your Nuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! *Pumpkin*

*Fairyr*This poem is delightfully darkish in theme and filled with creepy details that brings hallowe'en night to life.

*Witch*I like the idea that you brought in the idea of dark entities look to capture innocnet souls and leave us at the end that perhaps they did win some. *Shock* It gives it the darker atmosphere and a thwowback to earlier supserstitions of the event.

*Ghost*The structure is a bit free I think .The rhyme scheme is consistent but the rhythm is more free. It feels like anarrative poem. I only tripped over "hallowe'en treaters baskets" as it felt unweildy to say. You could drop the word "Hallowe'en".

*Cat*In the last line of verse 4 is a bit wordy. I think you could shorten it--"and monsters follow them everywhere" as it does tie back to "unaware".

*Spider* The word "anxiously " stood out too as rather hard to say easily. I wonder if something more descriptive might work.

*Starstruck*You have really captured the dark aura lurking on hallowe'en and built the scene to contrast the weather elements hiding the mosnters as the innocents unaware go about their fun. Creepy!

Thanks for sharing your crafting. It was fun to visit this for the season. *Jackolantern* *Smile*

eyestar
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1364
Review of Wind-ing  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
HI D.L.Robinson, I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


*Leaf*This poem was lively and fun to read. I entered right into the joy of the moment of a wlak on windy day. It is windy today here and leaves are falling but it is really a cold damp wind so not as enjoyable. LOL It makes one feel like a child in its free "do as you dare" enjoyment of the moment.

*Leaf*I can perceive clues to the seasons: as in "kicking leaves", " haunting disguise' "erupitng surprise", awakening new birth". Brilliant concept for eyes that see and ears that hear. Or I am just nuts. ! *Laugh*

*Wind*The flow and rhyme were wonderful and well constructed. It was a pleasure to read with the fast paced wind. I think kids might enjoy reading it as well. Your vocabulary is well chosen for visual, actiion and sound effect that adds drama and life to the poem.

*Wind*Not sure "hearth" rhymes with "earth". Two last lines of verse 2 and 4 ahve one extra syllable. *Wink* I didn't notice it so much in reading in the 2nd verse but it did strike me in the last. Minor glitch that doesn't take a way for the wonder and appeal of this fancy!

*Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your craft. You have inspired me to go out and see what I can play with out side today--maybe I will takea pen!

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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1365
1365
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloong* Welcome to WDC JSS!I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Cat*

*Fairyr*I was drawn to the title on the Read A Newbie page and thought the concept of a Peanut butter troll was *Cool* It made me curious. I love fantasy too.

*Fairyr*This is a deligthful episode that drew me in with the Creak of the door! You set up a mystery as we do not know where we are or who is running and who opened the door. I like the build up up to the arrival of the main character.
Then you set us up for the next chapter well as he meet this unknown--I assume , human. *Thumbsup*

*Fairyr* The description of Peeayah and his movements are vivid. I loved when he "curled up into a ball and awaited his doom".
whenhe is talikingn inside his head maybe put those words in Italics to seaprtate from narrative and speech. eg “Take deep breaths, Peeayah, take deep breaths just like they taught you in 3rd. Grade industry.” Use {i} and then {/} at the end of the line.

*Fairyr*I wonder if, for an easier read you could break up the first paragraph a bit. Maybe after the THUD--you could add a space line The other paragraphing is good. I am not sure which age gorup htis is for--but it makes it a bit easier to break it up.

*Fairyr*It is good idea not to use "ly" adverbs like breathlessly, as they are not really showing descriptives and are frowned on in publishing these days. Be vivid and clear.

*Fairyr* I would drop the "poke, poke" as you already said he jabbed him. We can get the picture from that.
There may be other points of story stuctures that I missed sas I am no pro., but I loved the story.

*Fairyr* I wonder whose home it is and what a Gaarlick is and how the door opened, and cannot wait to read the next chapter. Lots ot go with!
I so enjoyed the creativity, characters, names and action of this episode. Keep on going!

Thank you for sharing your unique craft.
You might like : "Writing 4 Kids Group" 

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1366
1366
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloong* Welcome to WDC Lilith!. I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Cat*

*Fairyr*I was drawn to the title on the Read A Newbie page and was intirgugeud by the notion of stories coming and going. *Wink*

*Fairyr*I don't know if this is poetry per se, maybe prose, but I like the concept you are expressing and the way it flows along. You could make it look like a poem if you were to arrange it differently on the page. *Wink*

*Fairyr*It has a delightful voice and energy as you explore your idea about stories and the effect they have on you. The comparison of stories to people is unique and interesting.

*Fairyr* The line "some make you feel, some make you realize" gave me pause and wow!!I It is evocative and ture too so you make me think of which books I might classify this way.. Well done!

*Fairyr*Thanks for sharing your craft and this way of connecting story, people, and characters. Keep on musing! *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1367
Review of I Stalk the Night  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloong*Welcome to WDC skeason!. I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Cat*

*Fairyr*I was drawn to the eery title on the Read A Newbie page and was curious about the Sychronicity form. I have not heard of it. *Shock*

*Fairyr*The poem appears to follow the pattern you give in your sub note! Wow! I can imagine this is a challenge to do and make sense too. Thanks for the convenient information. *Thumbsup*

*Fairyr*Wow! This is dark with potent energy and images. I could read it with ease and it followed a coherent path.
The 2 sylavbe words in each verse were well chosen to mirror content of the verses.

*Fairyr* I would try not to use adevrbs with "LY" as they are not really vivid descriptors--more abstract.
"small moments" is interesting when I would have thought "short" moments.

*Fairyr*The voice was strong and consistent and I could hear its edgey tone.

*Starstruck*I could really imagine this being and its purpose! *Shock* And I did not see the picture prompt. ! Well done! Thanks for sharing your craft. Keep on musing!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of My Masterpiece  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC Sheridan!. I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Cat*
Take it all as POV and use what feels right for you! *Wink*

*Fairyr*I was drawn to the title on the Read A Newbie page and thought the concept of a room being a masterpiece was cool! *Cool* It made me curious.
*Fairy* I get the notion that your room is indeed your private haven for dreaming, collecting memorabilia, and escaping the weary tension of the outside world. Good job. I liked the word "miniscule" *Smile* Interesting use of the world "deadline" too!

*Fairyr* I expected more description of maybe the colours/decor that help with this atmosphere. I could imagine a shelf with your tributes and ribbons and the dog picture (I wondered what kind of dog--just as a visual).also you use the word "holding" twice . I would have liked to see a different word for variety here. {eg "instead of ancient--use the type of dog ; eg my old sheep dog,

I imagine you liying on your bed gazing around and wonder what else you focus on -posters. com screen pic, mobiles hanigng from the ceiling. do you write there? It takes me back to my room--though it took awhile to get a room of my own I was the eldest of six and we shared!! when I did it was sure a best place to get away form it all. And I could listen to my own music. LOL I even had a rocking chair!

*Fairyr*The poem is a free expression which suits the content and I like the repetitive bits as emphasis. You did a good job with the verses each beginning with My room" . When I read "my room, my own" I immediately thought of Gollum in Lord of the Rings".
It added some depth of how prized this room is to you. Good call!

*Fairyr*In the last two verses I wanted to leave off the words "this Is" as it breaks your patterns of previous verses .
though I see in the last verse -it could be used for an emphatic effect.

*Starstruck*I so enjoyed reading this poetic tribute to your masterpiece. Worth tweaking! Thanks you for sharing a bit of yourself and for evoking my memories. {which are not ancient but old enough!! } *Wink* Keep on musing.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of 13 Days of Horror  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Pumpkin**Devil* Yikes! this is a Horrorible Fantastic Tribute to hallowe'en theme with its collection of timely, themely entertainments. *Ghost* Using 13 give the fates power to hook the superstitious! For who would tempt fate?

*Witch*The red and black is evocative and I love the crow..or raven...takes me back to E.A. POE! Your intro is entertaining and invites us into the creepy atmosphere. OOOH I like how you boxed the sub headings in Orange!

*Jackolantern* The variety of links highlighted is amazing! contests, vampire crosswords? creepy cnotes {who knew?} and a splashy array of scarey skins to wear. There is a creepy idea. Changing skins! *Shock* They really are quite elegant and fashionable ! Red eyes glowing in the dark and spiders in webs!---I am creeping away.....fast as my fairy wings can take me...to hid in the tree in the moonlight. *Moon* *Laugh*

*Cat*Thanks for gathering all of these spooky activities all in one place to add some excitement and ghouly party fun to the season! *Pumpkin**Ghost**Monkey* I had no idea some of these things existed. *Rolleyes*

eyestar
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1370
1370
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Birthday Matt! *Fire* This review is part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item"  gifted byA E Willcox . *Balloonr*

*Fairyr* It is the time of Power DARE raid and I saw your birthday review gift at the shop so here I am! I was in the mood for some pictures so scanned your port with its brilliant array of images for all manner of places in your "The Coffee Shop for the Fantasy Society" ! The folder title caught my eye as the word "contest " is singular, which made me think. Sounded odd. *Wink*

*Fairyr* I really liked the theme based images that serve to create a coherent contest page. The gray rock wall title images are so reflective of fantasy and medieval structures. The fire place center piece is inviting and we dream of stories by the fire. The side images of painting on rock add potency and darama. I like the snake and dragon! I was curious of the one saying: the Story so far...it may have reflected a continuation of story prompt or.. guess I would have to check out the contest page. *Wink*

*Fairyr* The images of scroll like frames inscribed with winners of contest is creative and a bright way to give tribute. The gold colour frame speaks of honour and glory!

*Dragon* The folder contents reflects an organization and the peices within would add interest and evocative atmosphere to the contest page.! *Starstruck*

Thanks for all you do to make WDC space rock and the Fantasy Genre shine Bright! *Fire*

eyestar
Com Link Fariy Sig For Dark Raid!


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1371
1371
Review of I Write  
for entry "Tree" 
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Fire* HI Carly! This review is part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" .*Fire*

*Trees* I was intrigued by the I Write Challenge and see you have some wonderful entries. I chose this one as I am a tree hugger. *Wink*Just love and honour trees.

*Tree*I enjoyed the description of the tree that evokes a vibraction of appreciation. ending with the idea of trees as a mentor of peace really appeals to me.

*Tree3* I could really see the stretching of the tree "wide" and "deep". "fingers" really is a cool way to describe "roots".

*Tree2* The free form is effective and when I read it it imitates the tree's growth in my mind. I did find "sturdily up" a bit awkward to say.
"vitality in that lay beneath?" confused me. I wondered how to replace or drap "and" at beginnings of lines. *Wink*

*Treepine* Thanks for sharing your vision of tree vibes! Write on!


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1372
1372
Review of My Writing Sucks  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight*HI weird one!
I could not resist your title and burst out laughing at your verse! Excellent evocation in the last line! I can just imagine the whole moment in time. *Thumbsup*
The student blushing and embarrassed either because his poem is not very good or he wrote a love poem and kids will smirk. Your title lets us know for sure but if we didn't see the title, it opens up avenues for the reader to rleate and see between the lines their own way. Japanese poetry allows for that experience. So good for you. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for writing your first senryu. It made an impact in expressing human nature in a humourous way! *Star*.

Good work with the syllable and line count.
I am not sure senryu traditionally uses punctuation/caps much but your useage makes sure we get the tone and vibe.
As I said earlier titles give away the punch line. But it helps us keep track of what we write. LOL so I won't discount in my rating.

This just rocks and I salute you!! *Starstruck*

eyestar
For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.


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1373
1373
Review of Daddy"s Girl  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Delight*HI Ida. I clicked the random review page and here I am with a review to celebrate you!

Your poetic expression has a sad, longing tone and highlights a situation that I am sure is very common in out society and wrenches many heart. Even just the title can evoke a positive or negative vibe depending on the telling. It reminded me of the song of the same name but it was more positive.

The questioning in the piece reveal the mind not comprehending how a child can choose a worse situation and yet the simple truth of being Daddy's girl is the very emotional, non-logical answer you can do nothing about. Choice.

I would have liked to see you use "my daughter's a daddy's girl" as the first line and then have the first line be the first line of the second verse. The word "yea" is an agreement and would make more sense there.

I was wondering about using "knows she's" rather than the more rational "realizes". Her heart might "Know it but she seeks what she does not thinks she has--to be daddy's world.

Repeating "Daddy's world" is emphatic as if that's all the mind can focus on.

The poem is free style, which suits the emotional content. I wonder how your last verse could reflect the same style as your other verses: a statement and then the question--eg Does she not know she's mommy's world?
I do see how you want to make the point clear that she is not with you , though. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this personal emotionally stirring piece. *Heart*

eyestar

Woman in white SP About Reviewing signature.


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1374
1374
Review of Creativity  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Rayyna! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Smile*

*Fairyr* I saw this the title on the Read A Newbie page and it sparked interest as creativity can. *Smile* I was delighted to read your vision how creativity happens. The images you use are vivid and inventive and vital words like "spark", "light", 'masterpiece', "flourish" fit with the theme.

*Fairyr* My muse appreciated the "cornucopia of whispers", "hiding in nooks' "streaks of.." and potent vibrant words like "spurred". Wonderful!

*Fairyr* I like how express the process of ideas out of dark crannies on to the production. I think you need a comma after "once tapped" .

*Fairyr* I really enjoyed your message in this almost philosophical prose expression. Thank you for reminding me how creativity can merely be hiding unless I allow and let light in. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1375
1375
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp*Welcome to WDC Lindsay! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Smile*

*Fairyr* I was charmed by the title and liked the alliterative quality or Hortense and Honeybee. Nice flow and kids will like it too.

*Fairyr* The theme for the children's series is original and I can imagine the lessons that could be facilitated through the adventures.

*Fairyr*I enjoyed reading this introduction as it is so child centered in tone and vocabulary. We can see the beginnings of a caring and brave little bee and learned a little about hive life.

*Fairyr* I think you need a comma after "at first" and "out side" is one word.
I can see the first 5 lines in a paragraph--or in with a picture page.

*Fairyr* This is a good basic summary of the start. I can't wait to hear of her adventures.*Smile* Keep writing.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **


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