*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/57
Review Requests: OFF
7,130 Public Reviews Given
7,195 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 53 54 55 56 -57- 58 59 60 61 62 ... Next
1401
1401
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* Hi Angels in my ears!
This review is part of your double Solar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! *Delight*

*Fire*The title of this piece appealed as it is an intriguing idea. Good choice to rouse curiosity.

*Fire*I really enjoyed reading it aloud for its flow and pace and was drawn right into the relationship with your shadow. The first two verse especially describe and personify the shadow and I found myself skipping along . I was reminded of the old sing song poem "I have a little shadow, who goes in and out with me." *Smile*
Takes me back to child hood! LOL
The idea of envy is interesting too.

*Fire*The third verse turns more dramatic and focuses on self in illness and leads to the rather sad ending.
You really did the contrast well .
I like how at the end The body in illness has become like a whisper you mention at the beginning. Nice circle.

*Fire*Little tweaks: I notice you used "and" twice in one verse.
I have read that using "too many "and"'s in poem is not very strong.

*Fire* I felt the work was well constructed and flowed well with good rhyme and word choices.
I didn't note a specific format and it had a pleasing rhythm.

*Fire*The message is profound and the mood resounds potently. Thanks for sharing this well conceived poem..
It gave me much to ponder. *Thumbsup*

*starstuck*Keep on writing.
eyestar
** Image ID #1729368 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1402
1402
Review of Apollo's Lament  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Fire* HI angels in my Ear. This review is part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! *Fire*

*Fire*I enjoy mythology so I was drawn to your title, which suits the theme and Apollo's romantic soul! *Smile*

*Fire*The poem is freestyle and has a feel of a story in its line structure. The vivid detail sparks the imagination and evokes the sadness of tormented love-crossed by stars so to speak. Good old control freak Zeus.!

*Fire*It is a creative description of the sky--if the picture prompted the work.

*Fire*You have portrayed the gods, staying true to the myth.

*Fire* I wondered in "glimpse at" needs to be "glimpse of". *Rolleyes* I have not heard it with "at" so it threw me off a bit..
I wonder if you need "but" in the last verse. It takes potency from the sad flowing idea of his tears falling. Also I would try not to use too many "and" as joiners in poetry. *Wink* I read that it is a weak flaw.

*Fire*I absolutely love the archetypical ending--so romantic and dramatic and effective as part of a mythical tragedy. Lovely!

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your litttle tribute to Apollo and his love. *Heart*

eyestar
Shared butterfly


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1403
1403
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Fire* Congrats Angels in My Ear!! You're receiving a gift from "Invalid Item"  ! The TWO Solar Packages have been ordered for you from: Anonymous and includes 10 poetry reviews !! Enjoy! *Fire*

*Fire*I was drawn to the title that evoked the idea of old diaries, books, memoires, historical things! I like history.*Delight* It really summed up your poem too.

*Fire*The weaving of words evoked the almost sad, wistful atmsophere and paid tribute to these forgotten tomes in a vivid manner. I could eaily imagine the pages and appreciated the ways you describe them and their purposes. eg. "keepers of time", "echoes". The idea of the "cage", "imprisoned letters" and "silent voices on faded page" were really appealing. Brilliant!

*Fire*The Quatern form suited the theme as its repetition served to echo the main image as memory echoes through time. *Thumbsup*
It was well composed and follows the format. Thanks for the convenient link.

*Fire*I enjoyed reading the verse aloud and the lines flowed well with consistent rhyme. Good job with "history" and "misery" an off rhyme but totally makes sense. Awesome job with the syllabication!

*Fire*I like the bit or personification as the pages long to be touched and cry joy and misery. It is so right on how they can call to those who can hear. The idea they have nothing to say is evocative as well. Interesting.

*Starstruck*Thank you for sharing this marvelous poem which accurately portrays these aging manuscripts--or indeed, any! One feels the echo and pull to find some old pieces and dig in!

*Star* Keep on weaving your webs!

eyestar
7th anniversary shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1404
1404
Review of Georgia Smiles  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Fire* HI Carol. Here I am again with a last review as part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! *Smile*

*Flower2* Oh I love acrostics and this one has so sweet and delightful a theme--a child! Your bring her sense of wonder and glee to life in your descriptive expression. Putting it all into this form took effort and thought. It is very well conceived and a pleasure to read!

*Flower2*Punctuation assisted the read and your line connections were well woven. I appreciated vocabulary like "sacred cadence", "celestial treasure" which adds to the special gift that she is to you. The comparison of those lofty and natural discoveries in the second verse to the heavier words like "preparations" , 'completions" etc. is effective.

*Flower2* I could see taking out the word "her" in line 5 as we know it would be her eyes. It feel redundant in the poetic flow.

*Flower2*You really capture the wodner fo natue in teh last verse--the sacred in it and newness through a child's eyes. It is a reminder of how we could learn from this and see the world anew each day as if we were the first to see..

*Starstruck*Thank you for sharing this personal expression. I so loved its warm energy and imagery. Impressive creation! Keen observations.

eyestar
7th anniversary shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1405
1405
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Laugh*Hi Huntersmoon! Thanks for sharing your humour! I am reviewing on behalf of "The Humorous Poetry Contest"  as guest judge. *Delight*

*Teab*Wow! This poem has such a profound commentary and one has to smile at the images you use like "carrion" "Mining" and "burlesque! Well conceived expression. *Delight* The metaphors are imaginative and illustrate your point of view vividly.

*Tear*You have woven the serious subject matter in a humourous way. And it is a sad case of affairs.
The poem was pleasant to read with its lovely rhyme. I really like the second line with the "naught"!
I "m not sure there is a definite rhythm scheme but I was not thrown out of the flow the way I sang it. LIke a comedy routine.

*Teag*The title is refelctive of the theme and I like the play on word "gold". Wow!

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing yet another social commentary in a brilliant manner. Fun way to let the frustration out and see the truth of the system. "strange burlesque" indeed. Keep on creating *Laugh*s.

eyestar
7th anniversary shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1406
1406
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Dragon*HI Prosperous snow! I was wandering around Random Reads and your piece popped up! I love dragon lore!

This flash fiction story drew my attention into the drama right from the first scene and encapsuled the setting and characters in one swoop! *Thumbsup*

You portray a strong character through her actions and words--strong intonation. I loved when she threw the scroll into the trash! so there! attitude.

The magical items on the tray leave us a mystery as to what they are for and why the dragon laughs at the end. It is cool contrast as we expect a mean dragon instead of one with a sense of humour.

I noticed a typo in paragraph 2.. "she whisper" should be "whispered".*Wink* This first line is rather long and awkward to read though it has necessary detail.. Maybe break it down for ease of flow.
And I think a period after "sunset" would make the warning Pop in the note section!
You are missing commas in several places where you have phrases.

Good show!I want to here more!! *Starstruck*

eyestar
fairy sig for Power Captain!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1407
1407
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Delight*HI Ben! I was wandering around on Random Reads and this wonderful fantasy came up! I am not a story writer with skill in formats so I will offer you my comments as a reader as I do love fantasy.*Wink*

I liked the evocative title and it ties in to this main character's gift of words. His name is wonderful and flows off the tongue like magic and is appealing as a name for a word wizard. *Thumbsup* You illuminate his character effectively through his actions, thoughts and dialogues.

I enjoyed his chat with Sarah and the well conceived ideas of special books for your created world. It is cool to ahve a fav poet Sir Rhinehart and that the characters quote him later in the scene. You really have thought out details of this place. Nice touch. I'd love to see what is in that old manual. LOL

I really entered into the conversation between Kenton and Torin and learn much about each of them as well as the role Torin played in getting Kenton the position. Nice ploy.

The vocabulary--the naming of professions is unique and make sense: literamancer! etc. I like it!

Dialogues were well handled and purposeful. Well done!

One thing I did notice was that you used some commas where periods should be used--especially in your narrative parts. And some wordy or run on lines. When you edit, note where you begin a new idea or thought.

eg. In "different for Torin then it was for the other Masters, half the people avoided "
The first part is a complete thought and so is the second. They do not join really. So a period after "Masters" gives us a breath before your explanation line. also a typo here: "then" should be "than".

eg "looked around, it was quite busy" Period after "around". also the next line here I felt was very long and repetitive with "he saw". Could use some tightening up or break it down to shorter lines.

eg." two kids playing, when he looked closer " . Period after "playing" though I think these two lines could be tightened up--seems wordy.
"looked to be about.." is awkward. Maybe something like "he saw two children playing. A little boy was chasing a smaller girl...it gives us the idea of size and implies he is bigger. Unless age matters. *Wink*

I really had a good picture in my mind of the setting and Torin's love to tease and amuse or shock folks, and his devices to remain mysterious and seem powerful, how he keeps people at bay and guessing--not wanting to tip his whole hand--seeking to see a change occur yet from the cryptic point he makes about true power--maybe wants no guruship!

I enjoyed the cool and unique magical content- as he flies up in the air and the numerous little book stores and games he plays to while the time.

You leave me with questions so I want to read more. Like why he no longer likes teaching but stays. And why he feels Kenton will be important and how he will shake things up!

I enjoyed my visit to your world! I am sure there maybe editing a revising yet to do but the story and character kept my interest and imagination engaged.. Keep conjuring and weaving! *Starstruck*

eyestar
fairy sig for Power Captain!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1408
1408
Review of Demon Dog  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E
*Delight*HI Fhionnuisce! I am happy to do another review to celebrate you!

*Dog1*Wow! this free style poem is so vibrant in energy and resonates with the growling coyotes. The idea of the demon three headed dog that your experience with coyotes evoked is fantastic. YOU really captured the whole atmosphere and mythical picture of this creature. Impressive.

*Dog1*The free form poem suits the nature to the theme and evocation as you speak to the creature. I enjoyed the old fashioned language of the "O foul demon"! The speech is quite dramatic and potent.

*Dog1*It was delicious to read aloud especially the sounds of words in the first verse. Words like "aghast" and the neat rhymes add to the flow and sound quality. Icouldn't find a defined patternof rhyme but how you woven them really is effective.

*Dog1*Minimum punctuation works here too --it increases the sense of speed(in the first verse) and tension rising as we move on.

*Starstruck*I had an awesome experience dwelling in your eery expression. I really would not want to meet this dog! LOL

Thanks for sharing your vision. Keep on weaving! Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1409
1409
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
HI Doctor Dirt! I am happy to do another review to celebrate you!*Smile*

*Heart*This is such a unique expression of defining love. I really liked the idea of "never" and the illusiveness of love.
Your images are vivid. I loved the raindrop, the race, the song unheard. Wow!

*Heart*The tone is evocative. I found it romantic and yet can evoke a sadness too.

*Heart*The free style suits the theme and the presentation on the page works.

*Dragon*It feels incomplete somehow-like it needs a summation. I am not sure why it feels that way. Yet it stands alone as an echo in the wind.*Smile*

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing this evocative expression that provoked pondering! *Smile*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1410
1410
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloony*Welcome to WDC Doctor Dirt! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Dragon*I found this moving poem on the Read A Newbie page. Thanks you for sharing such a personal message and how wonderful you can express your feelings in poetry.*Thumbsup* I can't imagine the loss after so long a time together.

*Dragon*The free form style suits the emotional content and I like the rhyme scheme. The words flow well and the tone is potent. I like the idea of "thrashing ""enemy". It is a very vivid image.

*Dragon*It is usually good to have consistency in verse--the last three have a pattern while the first one with only 3 lines and a different rhyme scheme. Yet it really got my attention and set the atmosphere vividly.*Smile*

*Dragon* In verse one I wanted to drop the word "and" in the second line and put a comma or period after river. It would put the emphasis on the word "memories" and have it flow more evenly.

*Starstruck*I could really feel the vibes here and the plea for strength. Well done! *Smile*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1411
1411
Review of Much  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Fire* Congrats! You're receiving a gift from "Invalid Item"  from The Run-on King PDG Member for the event "Alien Shooting Gallery!"! Here is your second review!

Hi Jimminy!

*Fire*I really enjoy your brief expressions that speak with a potent punch. not easy to do!

*Fire* The title is interesting and gives nothing away. It made me curious so here I am. Your tagline mentioned poetry and I am always keen to hear what folks have to say about it.

*Fire*Oh, I like the comparison you make here. *Smile* The short lines broken in this way are emphatic as well.

*Fire* Punctution is a choice in poetry but in this case I think it might assist the read. I had to read lines 2 and 3 twice on my first round. I'd put a comma after "life" as you go from general life to person "My life".deserves a pause for clarity and emphasis. I owuld put one after "My life, it" as well.

*Fire* I am wondering if you need the word "perhpas" which indicates an uncertainty about whether your life is broken or not or that poetry is. Would it be more potent to just admit "just like me"? It is the theme of your poetic thread.*Wink* Just a thought that occured to me. Keep it vital and direct.

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing another capsule of philosophy for me to ponder! *Thumbsup*

eyestar
7th anniversary shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1412
1412
Review of Calling  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* Congrats! You're receiving a gift from "Invalid Item"  from The Run-on King PDG Member for the event "Alien Shooting Gallery!"!

Hi Jimminy!
*Fire*I so enjoyed the experience of reading this short poem. It carries quite a potent vibration and the imagery is vivid. The short lines add drama. It is creative how you portray the idea of being in a coffin underground without saying so! Well done.

*Fire*The concept of one speaking from its dead form is cool and exemplifies the idea of astral and after life. I liked him being appalled!

*Fire*The thoughts of the voice are reasonable and the last line has a sad echo as if the spirit is considering it as factual.

*Fire*Your tag line is intriguing--that even death is not silent.

*Starstruck*Thanks for crafting this powerful thought provoking expression. Keep on weaving wonders! *Smile*

eyestar
7th anniversary shared image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1413
1413
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Cinnamon Fringe! Happy days! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

I just found this unique and fascinating forum with its own acronym! Nice touch! The idea and intent of researching newbie experiences to assist other newbies or folks who train newbies is ingenious. Making the results available to groups etc is community building notion too.

The page is organized with bright easy to read fonts. The intent and and explanations are claerly stated and I didn't see any glitches.

Links to the surveys are handy and invitations for other ideas is a good feature. Gps incentive is a lovely bonus too.

I really like the banner and the definition of research. *Cool* Well conceived and created activity! YOU rock! *Thumbsup*

How would you tell the community or those interested what you find out from the surveys?

Keep on being the contribution you ARE! *Starstruck* Thanks for Being you and following your Muse! Here's to many more years of fun at WDC! *Delight*

eyestar
An anniversary party image (blue)

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*
1414
1414
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloong*Welcome to WDC Michael! Thanks for shairng your scientific work here. I do not know much about the subject matter but offer you my comments as a reader. *Smile*

The article has a definite thesis and completely makes it point clear. Your closing comment I enjoyed as I could see by all the detail of your explanations that drilling procedures are indeed intricate. I just shook my head , yes! *Wink*

The paper is organized and broken into suitable subheadings. I assume there may be pictures missing as the spacing in places is a bit askew!

The bit of history of drilling was interesting to begin and the mention of the older method was also informative.

*Fire*Under Types and Classifications I noticed this first line was rather long and I got confused with the last part grammatically:
"practice of classifying rotary drilling, by projects location on land, water or submersible, portable or fixed nature, inbuilt storage etc. are some of the common grounds "
I felt you could clarify the common grounds. I got lost at drilling, by projects.." Maybe reword it a bit.

This line seems incomplete and I wantted to say --what?.

" Typical chain of command among contractors and clients at a drilling site."

*Fire*Under Different types--the definitions was clear. The spacing is a bit wonky at the end.

*Fire*in Desing Casings section:Period after "corosion" in the 2nd paragraph there.

*Fire*Under Casing LIners this line in paragraph 2 here seems like it is missing something. Could just be me.
"several hundred feet of between ". *Wink*

*Fire* Under Pressure section, the spacing near the end around Viscosity is off. I don't think you need to ask the question "what is Viscosity?" here.
It follows neatly after
"the fluid viscosity. Viscosity is the property of a fluid which makes it sluggish as it flows." Also less repetitive. *Wink*

*Fire*Under Directional drilling the firstline is way too long . I lost the context. *Smile* Maybe break it up just for ease and clarity.

*Fire*Overall the artiecle has clear information and makes sense even to me to a non engineer. I am sure students will get alot out of it as they weill be more familiar with terms and data you mention.

*Star*I hope this has been a little helpful. I imagine it is hard to break this all down to explain in simpler terms. Great job from my POV!

eyestar


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1415
1415
Review of Sold on Chimes  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Fire* Hi Avid Writer! This review is part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! *Delight*

*Fire*I so love wind chimes too and there are so many varieties and tones from which to choose, so I was drawn to your title.

*Fire*This is a precious little memoire piece beginning in the present with the purchase and how the sound of chimes brings you back in time to memories that brought joy! The simple things we oft forget in the chaos of the doing! The symbolism of the chimes blocking the neighbourhood speaks to this as well.

*Fire* I wonder if you could find more descriptive words than the old "beautiful" to describe the enchanting sounds of your particular set of chimes.
Also the word "great" is weak for the transcendant feeling you want to express.

*Fire*I can see you expanding this into even more descriptive detail in the setting and type of chimes etc.

*Fire*As an commentary of a moment in time this rocks and one can tell it just wanted to be expressed! I like chimes and have some musical sets that you strike with a rubber mallet. I find it hard to sleep with wind chimes out the window as I am a light sleeper ! LOL I have smaller sets inside that remind me of fairy voices. *Wink*

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your joy and reminding us that joy is within and it can be in simple things right now!!

eyestar
A shared group image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1416
1416
Review of The Sleeping Aid  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* Congrats! You're receiving a gift from "Invalid Item"  ! The special Event Package has been ordered for you from The Run-on King PDG Member for "the Alien shooting Gallery"!

*Fire*Look what I found when I really needeed laugh today! You have such a variety of writing faces! *Bigsmile*
I enjoy limericks and was naturally curious about limerick-ish in your tag line! LOL

*Lightning*I had to laugh at your rendition of Little bo peep and could see her debating with herself and finding her self boring! *Laugh* Good one!

*Fire* This is a brillliant creation and indeed has the vibe of a limerick form in three verses to tell the tale. I can see where the "ish " part comes as the lines do not not follow the regular format of limerick. Still it has a jaunty flow and potent punch lines. The comic element is prestn as well.

*Lightning* I so identify with the plausibility in reality of trying to sleep with the crazy monkey mind arguing itself and trying to figure stuff out. Good idea to make fun of.

*Fire*I really liked the rhymes with interesting words l like "debated", "thickly", causation"! Well done! You did use "and" a lot but you had to keep it tripping along. The ideas are priceless. I wonder what it would take to make it Limerick instead of "ish"? LOL Naw> It rocks as is. *Wink* Well worth its ribbon! *Thumbsup*

*Starstruck*I was entertained by this play on the nursery rhyme and your creative mind. Keep on sharing your gift.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1417
1417
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Fire* Hi Jaya! This review is the last part of your Nuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" . *Fire*

*Fire*Oh, I was so captivated by this lovely poem with its gentle romantic vibe. I appreciated the beauty of vivid imagery and picture you portray here.

*Fire*Having the poet speak to the clouds as they change and pass by is a wonderful construct. I like the idyllic time out in nature in contrast to the "material world" {which you leave to our imagination) and I identify with the notion of not wanting to go back after such a sweet romantic interlude in nature. *Thumbsup*

*Fire*It was so pleasant to read this poem aloud for its flow and sounds too. Punctuation and line endings were effective. I like the imploring of the rain cloud to wait!

*Fire*I thought the word "slopes..of a dream" is interesting and evocative.*Smile*

This is truly well conceived creation and so alluring in tone and image. Thanks for sharing your gift!

eyestar
** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1418
1418
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Fire* HI Huntersmoon! I am happy to offer this last review as part of your Solar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" . *Fire*

*Fire*Wow! This is a moving expression with an otherworldy vibe. I could easily enter into the magnetic revery much like the girl on the bridge in the river. One might feel pulled to jump ino the river--a bit of a dark notion to consider suicide. Evocative: "temptation battles with intellect".
I like the mteaphor of dark for death or a meditative state of letting go the harsh thoghts into the mist, where the drama trauma isn't real.

This poem has many levels! I love it as I can play here.

*Fire*The free style suits the drama and theme of boundless mists. The images are vital and vividly described. eg. "obsidian sheen", "opium promise", fingers of sunfire.

*Fire* You drew me in with the first verse with the potent call of the water and I can identify with of walking by the water considering life's struggles, throwing the drama into the waves to be soothed away.

*Fire*In the second verse I loved the alliterative line imitating flow of water too.
I wanted to drop the irrelevant word "that" in line 3. The word "purposeful" is rather unpotetic and intellectual word that stuck out to me.

*Fire*I enjoyed entering in to the scene with its realistic atmosphere. You have created a potent moment in the reflective mind of this character blending with natural elements as they share moods. Well done!

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your eloquent gift! Write on!

eyestar
** Image ID #1729368 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1419
1419
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Webwitch! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

I was attracted to the title as it reminded me of a song! *Smile* The picture painted of this little bird is so clear from the detail of its habits, and description. I like the personal viewpoint as you observe in a natural setting in time and space. I can imagine sitting watching with you. Great descriptions like "fueled their famished bellies" and "unstarcehd finery" are evocative.

The connection of these creatures to coming winter is cool and I like how you keep the them throughout. The free style fits the story like poem.
Words like "seems" are not active and direct. The 5th line enjambement is weak I think ending in "the". Maybe "foraging through seeds" and then cut to "pushed". Gets rid of the redundant "the" too. *Smile*

The fact that you have appreciation for these birds is obvious from your tone and the bit of mirage type memory in the last verse supports this idea. Lovely "misinterpreted moment"! I would drop "perhaps" here as unnecessary word.

I learned alot about juncos in this poem and it would be great to share with kids to pick out the habits of the junco.

I enjoyed reading this poem aloud and pondering nature with you. Thansk for sharing this tribute to the junco. *Bird**Starstruck*

Happy anniversary and thanks for all you BE and contribute to WDC! Ride on witch! *Wink*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
WDC Power Personal Star sig



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1420
1420
Review of Autumn  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* HI Carly! I am happy to offer this review as the last part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" .*Fire*

*Fire*I enjoy nature poems and found this in a folder with Muscle Writing Stretch items. I was curious. *Smile*

*Leafr*The free form poem has vivid images and a joyous tone. I like the images evoked with idea of "peeks", "swirls", "nips at noses" and "white webs of frost". Wow!

*Leafo*I I enjyed readign the flow aloud with its alliterative quality. The first verse flowed at an easier pace than the second likely in imitaion of the leaves having fun in the wind. *Delight*

*Leaf4*In verse1 I assume you mean leaves when you say "They fall" though you never give a subject directly unless you mean the "colours" fall? You could more clearly just say "leaves fall" rather than a pronoun. It is stronger too.

*Sun*The essence of the autumn is alive in this short weaving and the wonder of the season comes across in potent way. Thanks for sharing your tribute to Fall in a pleasant way. I wish I had such a "paintbrush"! *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!*Sun*

eyestar
** Image ID #1729368 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1421
1421
Review of first story  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Welcome to WDC double team!! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Star*

*Balloonp*Hi there. With this little piece I feel like you are puting your toes in the water of writing at WDC! *Smile*

*Star*You give us your intent to write and that you share this account with your sister. If you are both 15--are you twins! *Wink*You might add some more details. Also you could do a little bio in your port so we can get to know you.

A few hints for you--

*Butterflyo*I wouldn't start a story with "well"--though I know we do that when we are talking. LOL
also capitalise "i" to "I".
*Cool*Remember to put periods after each complete thought. it is easy to forget if you are used to texting! *Wink*
eg "This is my first story. This...sister. We.....enjoy."

*Rolleyes* I didn't see a story though. *Wink* Maybe start with your second line--actually --this would be good to put in your little bio block so everyone will know that you both will be writing here when they visit your port. If you need help I am happy to guide!*Smile*

*Butterflyr*It is hard to rate this as it seems incomplete--yet I feel the desire to connect with other authors and the intent you have.
Because there are mistakes and very little to comment on, I am rating it as I did. If you can fix it up and add to it I am happy to up my rating.
so be brave and jump in with both feet. we won't bite your toes. *Heart*

*Delight*You might like to check out : "Invalid Item" . We have lots of teen authors here at WDC and it is pleasure to have you join us with your unique expressions. Hope you will post again soon. *Delight*

Thanks for putting your flair out there!*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1422
1422
Review of Purple  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC Mac! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Butterflyo*

I like purple too! *Smile* This is simple little rhyming verse with a lyrical feel to it. I could imagine little kids singing it! *Delight*

The tone is expressive and the repetition works as emphasis. I like the way you engage the audience to consider their opinion at the end.

I think you need a comma after "yes" and "its" needs to be "it's" if you mean "it is". *Wink*

You could also add colour if you like to spruce it up.

eg> {c:grape}purple{/c} would give you "purple" *Wink* Just like I have on this page. LOL

I wondered why you like purple. You could even do another poem on the aspects of everything purple or how it makes you feel or stands out.
so many possibilities.

Thanks for this bit of fun that states a simple fact in a lyrical way. *Star* This would be cool to use to help little ones learn to read.*Smile*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **

PS. I hope you will do a little bio soon!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1423
1423
Review of Shopping  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC Mac! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

*Butterflyo*This is a cute poem about shopping with mom. I really like the rhyming couplets and the repeating phrases! I think kids would enjoy reading this style of poem too! *Thumbsup*

*butterflyp*I liked when the lines in each verse had the same rhythm and length. I noticed in verse 3 the second line was to longer. I really loved the idea of "sparkles the size of ants" LOL Maybe make the first line here longer to match. Just an idea.

*Butterflyr*I noticed one typo: "wen't" needs to be "went".*Wink*

*Star*When you said "dream" I thought of how you might be looking at really cool clothes that you dream of having. I do that when I look at the price of some things. *Smile*

*Star*This was fun to read and was a great theme for the rhyming form. Keep up the the good work.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1424
1424
Review of The ____  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC jean! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

*Fire* I enjoyed the tone of this free flow poem. The style suits the emotional content and the strong reflective voice is evident.

The images were vivid--the unchecked words, "hounds" "butterflies" and "bonds destroyed by sounds" is cool concept. I got the idea from your lines after "hounds" that there are many places where communication goes haywire and messages get misunderstood. Yet we still try!

I appreciated the consistent rhyme as it added to the flow and drama. "thought" and "drought" threw me out a little as not really strong rhyme.

You have one capital letter--maybe a typo as you do not use any others. Line 6 felt long in the overall flow. I wanted to read "were not checked" in the second line just to match the flow of the first.*Wink* Just my ear!

The evocative ending made me smile as I thought, "yeah, what good is dwelling on the past and what others see. Good show!

Thanks for sharing this personal reflection.*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1425
1425
Review of Hawk  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* Hi dyrhearte! This review is the last part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" !*Delight*

*Fire*Wow! This is a truly visual and wonderful tribute to the hawk! I love animal poems and red tail hawk is one of my totems so your title is appealing to me! The first line rally drew me in as it evoked freedom, flow and apparent ease or laziness yet purposeful too.

*Fire*The idea that the hawk is speakin' is original and you have really captured a tone and a realistic thought process for a hawk. Brilliant! *thumbusp* The missing "g"'s in "hoverin" etc adds to this. I think you need to look and "Hunting" and "looking" in v. 2 and 3 as you forgot to drop the g! *Wink*

*Fire*The details of the movement of the hawk and its wings is so vivid that it feels like you have observed this. I enjoyed the mirror effect of the first three verse with its apt repetitions and shifts in wings.

*Fire*The next three verses reflect a different moment in the hawk's day. I like the short lines for immediacy.

*Fire*The hawk's living in the moment is natural and I like to think there is a message there for us about focusing in the moment with appreciation.

*Fire* The last line is effective as it points to the cyclical nature of hawk behaviour and that he may have time jsut to hang, until the next opportuniyt arises. *Delight*

*Starstruck* I really enjoyed taking the hawk's journey with you as you engaged my imagination. This was also a fun way to learn about the hawk. Children might enjoy this too.

*Fire*Thanks for sharing your craft and apparent appreciation for hawk!*Smile* Write on!

eyestar
** Image ID #1729368 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2,538 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 102 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/57