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Review of Just Chill Out!  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Fire* HI Patrece.! This review is part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.! *Delight*

*Chicken*I was checking out your Food folders and couldn't resist opening this one! Hilarious! *Bigsmile* The image reminds me of Mr Beans' Thanksgiving so I had fun laughing in memory of that too.*Smile*

The title is priceless and does describe the essence of the picture. The quip does indeed show the person taking a phrase literally. Whoever created this ahs great imagination. I love the remote!

The presentation on the page is colourful and quirky!

This image is well chosen to represent your folder on Kitchen comedy. Can't wait to see more as I know there are funny think that happen in the kitchen often esp when no one is looking! *Wink*

Cook on as you scribe! and keep an eye on that bird!*Chicken**Star*

eyestar
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Review of Fingerprints 2  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* Congrats! You're receiving a gift from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. ! The Solar Package has been ordered for you from: Nixie 🦊 out sick Author Icon and includes five poetry reviews !! Enjoy! *Fire*

Hi Moarzjasac! I was intrigued by the title and them of your poem and smiled at your tag line!*Laugh*

This short free flow poem began with a vivid whimsical image where I imagined children with dirty or painty fingers messing up surfaces or teen graffitti. I really liked the idea of these as self expressions even though may be momentary. Brilliant concept.

The comparison in the query about how we affect hearts is evocative as well. You leave us to imagine the positive and negative of both prints.

I enjoyed reading the playful words in the first verse. They drew me in.*Smile*

I liked how you began in the physical plane and then invited us to ponder in another. I so appreciate being invited to consider perspectives. Well done!

I don't know why you need a capital on "smooth"?*Confused*--typo or purpose?

Thanks for sharing this musing. *Starstruck* Keep the ink flowing and write on!

eyestar

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Dragon*Hi Huntersmoon, Dreamtime is so glad that our prompt appealed to your muse, enchanting to enter"DreamTime Dragon's Poem Contest" Open in new Window.! *Bigsmile* Here are my brief comments on your lovely scroll! *Fire*

*Dragon*This is eeloquent and enchanting.I was carried through time by the words of your ballad like verses. The imagery was vivid and the story rather romantic and sad as the dragon seeks still. I could so imagine the scene as the language reflected a olden time. I love the idea of them being held in timeless space. HIs "eyes flash in the evening sun" is a clever concept.

Your response to the prompt picture is so appealing to me and you say you don't do fantasy usually. This is fantastic tale!*Smile*

The structure is solid, balanced and rhythmic with its pleasing rhymes and flow.*Thumbsup*

No flaws could I locate. er... well, I did trip over "time's mists". It is hard to say. Maybe "mists of time" for smoother rendition? and ..er.. I felt some punctuation maybe needed after "upon the last" *Rolleyes* in verse 2.

I so felt for both the lady and the dragon in the tale. Maybe there is another story to come. *Wink*

Impressive crafting and entertaining creation! *Starstruck* Thanks for jumping in with your flair! *Smile* This is real tresure.

Keep the quill scribing! *Star*
eyestar

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloonr*Welcome to WDC arishay! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Delight*

Your ideal vision of the world without a harmful environment is one we can all aspire to create once more. I like the way this is like a meditation or fantasy that speaks to how powerful the mind can be.

The paragraph is filled with vivid images that convey the contrast of the natural pure world and the "pollution" caused by man. Good display.*Thumbsup*

A few glitches that I noticed:
*Bird*In the first line:
After "air to inhale" you could add a phrase about foul water to go with "no..air". then Make the line about fresh warter the next sentence on its own. eg, I imagine a world with pure water, clear like a mirror, green lands..."etc. the phrase "clear like mirror" needs to be near water, not the word "drink".

*Tree*Also, "frangrance" ahsa typo--"fragrance". "Unpleasent" is "unpleasant"

*Sun* By "fireflights" do you mean "fireflies"? I really like the word "irritating " for lights of the town. i so agree they block the night sky so no one may even know what starry night looks like. *Wink*

Is there a word missing here: "only word came to mind"?

This is a lovely dream sequence and worth a little edit. *Smile* I like the philopsphical "pondering" at the end. Was it ever real? It can be hard to imagine--especially if one has been only in a city. Thanks for sharing the "fool's dream"---fools have been known to bring magic. So let's keep dreaming.*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Praise the Writer  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight*Hit blue witch! I was cruising the Random Review page and this popped up! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Smile*

This poem is unique in theme and rather entertaining. The conversation between author and reviewer is well conceived and I could imagine the the tone of each one quite clearly. I like how the reviewer gets a little more critical as the poem continues and as the author expresses some disagreeement on the way. Well done.

I enjoyed reading it aloud and it has a balanced structure with consistent rhyme scheme that added to the flow.

The rhythm wasn't totally even but it didn't detract for the read. I only tripped over verse 7, line 2--it seemed wordy compared to your other lines. I think the words "have to" or the "truly" threw it off. Removing one of these would help the flow, I feel. *Wink*

The placement on the page is appealing and the coloured font emphasizes the different speakers. Effective touch!

This satirical poem is totally fun and does indeed make fun of this theme. Brilliant concept and expression! *Starstruck*

Thanks for sharing your gift!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC vaniinstitute.! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Delight* I found this item on the random review page. II was curious to know what GATE was. *Smile*

I understand that the article is concerns this test and how it can help students get better opportunities for higher education. Beginning with the definition of the GATE was helpful and you follow with lots fo details about advantages of doing well on it. the bullet list works well for this. Your summary paragraph also included how to prepare.

It is a serious toned narrative and I wondered how you might make it more friendly and inviting while maintaining the key points. It would depend on who your audience is or who you are writing it for.

A few things I noticed:
"lakhs of students...appears" I got stuck here as I wanted to say "appear" in "lakhs" is a plural. I am not sure what this words means though, so I coudl be wrong. "I thought it meant "lots or groups of students".

In the last paragraph in the line beginning: "Going through..." "analyze" needs to be "analyzing"

I think you need the word "For" before "Those who couldn't make it..., this exam..". I had to go back and read it to understand it grammatically. The last line is confusing to me: "Prefereing the GATE books..?*Confused*

I would revise a little so at the end you restate your thesis.

For the look on the page, I would indent the pargraphs and leave a space between the paragraph ending in "fields" and the list of advantages.

I feel this would be helpful information for students interested in these fields to know.*Star* Thanks for sharing your wisdom on this topic.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Haiku 0008  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* HI stargazer. I really enjoyed the concrete vision you create here in this haiku--a vivid atmosphere I can see, hear and feel! Though haiku do not usually have titles, this one is evocative and signals what it coming on many levels. It may give away too much, so maybe leave it off the page itself and let the haiku speak.

Words like "hush" and "flash" as nouns really struck a chord. *Thumbsup* I imagine the star piercing the sky as the sound pierced the quiet night. I like the connection.

I am all set for a night star watching and then the surprise of a mountain lion! *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your potent expression. *Starstruck*

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Review of A Poetic Mind  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC Poetess4life! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Delight*

It is so lovely to meet another poet and I was curious to see your take on the poetic mind when I saw this on the Read A Newbie page!

This poem was pleasure to read with its easy flow and consistent rhyme. It is quite lyrical and clearly gives the impression of your experience of poem writing.

I notice rhythm count is not consistent but I was ableto read it aloud quite smoothly. I liked the up and down feeling with shorter and longer lines.
I would drop the comma after "trickle out" as it joins with the next phrase so a pause is out of place here.

The tone of voice was potent and appealing as it conveyed that "Poetic mind ' is insistent and will have its say no matter what! *Delight*

This was fun and I can agree! Way to go! Thanks for sharing your gift of expression! Keep the "ink flowing madly". *Wink*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Smile*

I was drawn to the intriguing title and theme. I took dot for a period and it aroused my curiousity.*Thumbsup*

The poem is about two friends and I really liked your vivid descriptions of skin, hair, and the simile of "sardines". *Smile*
I was curious to know why dot left.

You have done a nice job with off-rhyme and there was some nice flow in lines like 3-6, 9-10. These were quite lyrical.
I could follow the tale logically.

The idea and theme reminds me of limericks.*Smile*
I have not heard of "imaginated" so maybe it needs to be "imagined".
"frienship" is spelled "friendship". *Wink*

I think this poem is worth tweaking in rhyme and rhythm to match the smooth flowing sections. *Wink*

Thanks for writing and sharing your craft with us. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Chocolate  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
HI abel! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Delight*

I love chocolate so your title was appealing as I scrolled through the Poetry page! It was a pleasure to read your poem and I enjoyed the voice that speaks to the chocolate. Very unique idea. I could hear the helpful tone in the voice as you try to convince the chocolate to bring friends. It is effective how you add all the ways chocolate is used-eg fondu, kisses, etc.

I had to smile at offering to teach it to swim in the pan, and the last verse is priceless. *Laugh* Vivid descriptions enhanced the feeling of your love for chocolate.*Smile*

The poem has a good structure and the rhyme were consistent and made it lyrical and fun with a quick pace. the rhythm was not even in every verse but it did not detract from the read. I did not note any glitches when I read it aloud.
Beginning in the past and the first line drew me right into the tale.

I really enjoyed reading this amusing poem. Brilliant! *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your craft.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Forgotten  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star*Welcome Akaoi to WDC and to the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. Crew! I am here with a reveiw to celebrate you.*Balloonp*
Ouch!Sorry you failed your exam! *Sad* This poem really is evocative of the experience. It is so vivid in its imagery and emits a sad vibe that I can hear echoing across ice fields. My imagination took off as I saw an iceberg broken away from shore. Maybe polar bears seaprated by water.
I love poems that stir my imagination. *Wink*

The short evocative essence reminds me a bit of haiku form. I enjoyed reading the tight weave with its rhyme. The rhyme is not consistent yet it did not detract from the potency. My favourite lines 1-2 and the way line 2 connects with three. Dramatic effect.

Thanks for sharing your love craft for me to read and ponder! I hope you will keep on weaving to the muse's delight. *Starstruck* Write on!

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Treepine*Greetings Walkinbird! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry. *Star*

Oh, I loved the image in your first line! *Delight* I think of all the starfish the moon will catch. I like the fanciful vibe.

I enjoyed reading the haiku and the rhyme gives it a lyrical tone. The long i sounds at the end of each line reflects the vastness of sky, space, and the wind's scope. I am intrigued by the idea the the "winds vie!" *Cool* I did find it a bit hard to read "clouds stars" aloud. *Wink*

The poem follows the traditional haiku in lines and syllable and reflects winter as per the prompt.

I would have liked to have more descriptive to show winter rather than using the word "Winter" as haiku aim to give the notion of the season without using a season word. Also I would drop the captial letters as haiku do not use them usually and it would give a feeling of boundless like your sky image.

The image and astronomy view you use for winter is original and effective. It gives me something to think about and has me wondering about the winter sky as opposed to summer. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your crafting. I still am marvelling at the first line--very evocative! *Starstruck*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

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Review of Snowy Haiku  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Treepine*Greetings Paul! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* And Welcome to WDC! *BalloonP* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

This is an evoactive poem and I could visualize falling on ice but the snow makes soft landing, and of course, making snow angels. It's like "well I 'm down here, might as well look like I'm having fun." *Smile*
The idea of forgiving the folly of marring a lovely white blanket of snow because angels are gifts-- is a nice connection. The first line could also refer tree limbs in the wind that you see as you lie on your back. Cool.

The poem is in the traditional haiku format and has a winter theme. Adding a person could make it a hybrid senryu.
I appreciated the repeated sounds as I read aloud. I wonder about the second line as it is a full sentence and haiku usually use less of these.

I like the creativity and the personification aspect.

Thanks for sharing such a vivid expression. I enjoyed the picture as it brought back memories as I imagined kids laughing and having fun trying to get up from snow angels without wrecking them. LOL

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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Review of The Holiday Club  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jellyfish! I am here with a review to celebrate you in the interactive realm! *Bigsmile*

I like the theme of your interactive and the first page emits a fun and lively vibration that is inviting and inspiring!*Cool* The theme , character and essence of the journey was well introduced and the parameters are clear.

The theme of the need for change is a common one I think so this has great potential for interesting those who want to explore in a cyber way and imagine adventures as they travel with your character. I like that writers are fairly free to add characters and places at their discretion. Open ended appeals to freedom seekers too.

I read the chapters and they flow well together, keeping a consistent voice. The chapters were detailed enough to create setting and the thoughts of the main character. I really bought in to her queries.

I would watch out for too many adverbs {ly words} they are not really descriptive and show up strong in short pieces. Also I notice commas missing in longer sentences.

This first entry sets up the character and her motivation as well as the Holiday Club scenario. The choices in each chapter to continue are specific and plausible. er..well the one that say "something else happens" is not specific but does give writers a free hand to use their own idea! *Smile* Adding a chapter on meeting some one right away was fun and plausible as meetings and things can happen quickly when one decide to go for it!

I enjoyed this entertaining interactive and hope folks will show up to add some travel adventures. Thanks for sharing so crafting with flair! *Starstruck*
Here is fairy dust to attract authors! *Starb* Good luck!

eyestar
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Review of Winter  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Treepine*Greetings! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

*Snow2*Hi snow! I was enchanted by the wolf imagery and could imagine the howling in the winter crispness. The brilliant landscape of white glitter in under the fool moon came to my mind as well! *Delight* I live near where this could happen-- we usually hear dogs but just further north--wolves for sure. *Smile*

The form follows the traditional haiku lines and deals with winter nature theme as per the prompt. A little glitch fo me is the use of captial letters as haiku genreally doesn't use theme to keep the idea of boundless and open vistas for the mind to capture what is between. *Smile*
Often haiku are not in sentence structure either but I enjoyed the image painted and like to wonder what else would echo to the wolf howl even the silences.

The soundscape created by your words is appealing as well and suggests to my ear wolf howls. *Cool*

Thanks for sharing your crafting and for the journey of a moonlit winter wonder. *Starstruck*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

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Review of Writing.Com 101  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Storymistress! I was reading WDC Support's recent email post with its wonderful reminders and was called to read this item. I have read it before long ago but felt my blue Mod robes stirring! I see I need to add this to my growing list of items on my bulletin board so I can refer newbies and folks who ask about this.

I like articles that provide specifics in a nutshell and you and SM are good at it! I noticed the foot note--does it refer to the BId click link or the whole article. I assume the whole article but just checking.*Smile*

The article on how to gain exposure here at WDC is well organized and insightful, quite forcused on 6 specific ways with detailed explanations. The tone is friendly and positive. I can tell you love what you do!

I learned more about Newsletters as a way to be seen. I hadn't thought of the idea of posting responses to gain a voice. Cool!
You give enough info on the Bid click variations without complication so a person could act on it easily.
I enjoyed your intersting vocabulary that gives it vividness. eg. "garnering", "free stage to flaunt" etc.

You give some really good advice about giving reviews and responding to them. It reminded me I am behind in my responses. *Blush*

Ths item is helpful for new folks and good reminder for others who may have forgotten what they know or missed the details the first time round!

It is so awesome to writing 101 to refer to! Thanks for your continuing support of authors. *Starstruck*

eyestar
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Tall Tales  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Star*HI, Xander Riley. I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


*Bigsmile*I enjoy acrostics and burst out laughing at this one! Well done!! The title is telling but your acrostic response is brilliant! *Cool* I read the poem before saw your very bold black letters. Talk about focusing on the words! LOL

I like the concept of giving philosophic wise advice with a touch of humour at the where you direct us to look a the acrostic spelling! It is very well conceived and the advice is rather good too.

The poem flows smoothly and it is amazing that you also did rhyming lines that give it a lyrical quality. Punctuation was assistive too.
I tripped on the second line and wanted to drop "that" after understand" for better flow.
The word "that" slowed it down (abrupt) for me.

I like how words in some of your lines also match the beginning line letter. It added to the sound scape of the read when I read aloud. *Thumbsup*

I had fun with this entertaining weave and admire your gift here. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your poem.

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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Review of Embers  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star*HI turtle, I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


*Fire*I was drawn tohe title and interesting tag line of this piece. The idea of "glow of dying" appealed to me. *Thumbsup*

The metaphor of fire and dying is potent. I am evoked to think of cancer eating up from within or love dying at the end of relationship or even anger within. Brilliant. *Thumbsup*

I imagine the person standing there tending the fire from your simple lines in verse 2. I wanted to ask why he can't extinguish it.

The free style form suits the emotional content and theme. It has a reflective tone with a sad edge.

The description in the first verse grabbed my attention with its vividness. "snapping longs" is so evocative.

I was wondering where you used adverb "slowly" that something more descriptive could be found. I think "ebbs" implies slow to me.

"tongues of flame..hope" is so telling for both fire and dying---reminds me of remission.

I wondered if "can not" needs to be one word.*Rolleyes*
I wondered about the need for "but" with "alas" *Confused*

I felt the rather mournful tone of the strong image at the end of the poem. Good choice.

I think you could put this in the Poem category instead of just Other.

Your poetic expression is very evocative and I enjoyed the experience of it. Thank you for sharing. *Starstruck*

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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Review of Naptime  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Treepine*Greetings! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

HI sharkdaddy. I had to smile at the evocative meaningful title to your haiku. *Smile* Even though haiku do not always have titles this one certainly gives the idea of what it might be about on many levels. Hibernation of animals, and the earth itself. Brilliant. *Cool*
The poem suits winter and nature theme effectively.
I enjoyed the images your description portray and imagine the silence or whispering winds and noiseless snow .

It was pleasant to read aloud though the spacing between words were distracting at first. The pauses so give the idea of slow movement and calm moments. It adds dramatic effect. The vocbulary was vivid. *Thumbsup*

The poem is attractive on the page and while haiku should stand on its own to give effect, the decor and colour adds flair and suits the theme. *Wink*

The last line puts me in mind of children' stories about bears a had me feeling warm and cozy in contrast to your "arctic" scene outside where papa sleeps. I am drawn into your weaving! Thanks for the journey. *Starstruck*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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Review of Winter haiku.  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Treepine*Greetings Kotaro! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

I really enjoyed the image you created as I imagine a mountain climber in the heights of a climb where breath is like mist. I see his with his hiking stick, or a skier with poles. Now it could also be a monutain goat crunching the snow truly a nature concept suitable for haiku. Ilike ht tyouleave it open so we cannot really know. *Thumbsup* Could be a combo senryu if person is involved.

The words "mortal clouds" is so effective and original. *Smile*

The traditional format is adhered to in syllabication, lines and evocative nature. One glitch for me is use of captial letters as haiku generally does not use them. A picky little challenge to remember next time, if you wish. *Wink*

Thank you for creating such a vivid portrait. I so enjoyed the journey you sparked within! Well conceived haiku!*Starstruck*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Balloonp*Welcome to WDC Charlie! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Smile*

HI! I found your story on the Read A Newbie page and I was intrigued by the idea of using one syllable words only--was this a prompt? You did an amazing job using only one syllable words and were able to give some vivid descriptions of the scene and characters so I could imagine and feel the scene.

I only found 6 words that were not one syllable--which was amazing.
("only, any, very, maybe, lady's, only, any) easy to miss.

I enjoyed the story or first time connection and it made me think about past lives--if they knew each other then. Having the mystical dream connection was creative and fit the essence of the pull they had for each other. Gives it a hopeful ending that they may meet again.
I like that you had him wonder where they'd be if he'd gone with her.

Paragraphing was well done and I could follow the story.

You used a good hook with the first line query. I wonder if you needed to give her name at first as within the story of meeting you have her give it later.. You could drop "only her first" and just say "she" maybe.
This line sounds awkward. "I know I was in love with the book she had first."
In "She looked up though". I don't think "though: is a necessary word.
There may be more to edit here but I am more a reader than a story writer
so hopefully more proficient writers will have somethng more useful in this area!

You showed Matt's character through his reflective voice and action and his not going with her was believable for his small town uncertain being.
the voice was consistent and liked the mystery of who she was and why she was crying and where she was headed. The idea of the story of chance meeting with that knowing I think does happen--though perhaps one is not so quick to say come away with me. LOL

Entertaining and evocative in its theme and undercurrents, I enjoyed the read. And only one syllable words!! Impressive!!
Thanks for sharing your creative weaving! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
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Review of three  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp*Welcome to WDC jess! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Smile*


HI, I saw this title on the Read A Newbie page. It is an intriguing short poem and is evocative inviting me to read between the lines and wonder. It has a potentially dark theme as one ponders "shaking' to keep alive.
I like the use of questions and the lack of punctuation that suggests free consciousness style.
I can see one in a graveyard or tomb or witnessing some trauma. Or a ghostly figure between worlds. I like the unknown undercurrent so we can use our imagination. Of course, I am weird. *Wink*

I am not sure you have a form in mind. It has an interesting vibe ending a line with "am" and stressing "I" in the next line.
I was wondering about the title and how it applies. I will study it more for deeper meaning.
I wondered if breaking up the lines even more might be even more potent. eg having each question "I wonder" on its own line
but then this format may have an intent of three lines for effect.

What does your tag line refer to?

I really enjoyed pondering your expression. Thanks for sharing your craft.*Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR*Welcome to WDC EC StJohn! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Smile*

I was attracted to the title from the Read A Newbie Page. What a unique idea for an ode and cool dog name!*Delight*

These mini odes were a delight to read as I imagined you dog with his antics and imagined inner conversartion--how he looks as if to speak! You did a great job with description and creating the dog's character from its anitcs. I could well imagine the scenes and the love and appreciation of the speaker for this creature.
Your verses were entertaining and one could not help but laugh at times like when he wanted "salmon" and he "doesn't do fetch"! Oh right on!! *Laugh*

I like the organization the verses and that each one portrays a specific event or idea--the first four were my favs. The warm tone and images are vivid. It was fun to read each one and punctuation was assistive for effect and flow. I could almost here the voice in my head too. Well done!
Verse nine felt more story like in its length of lines compared to other verses. I noticed a typo as well, "here" should be "hear". I might say "free as he runs.." to avid having two "ands" in the phrase.*Wink*

Thank you for sharing this heart felt and truly engaging and entertaining collection of odes. A worthy tribute to your dog. I am sure he'll aprreciate it! *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonr*Welcome to WDC Mickey! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Delight*

I liked the flow and theme of the title, which I found on Read A Newbie page!Max 's:' = 40

This is a short philosophical bit or advice that is direct in its delivery and consistent in voice. You give one specific example of how one tries to be perfect-eg wearing make-up-to impress. I get the idea that the idea is some girls wear it like a mask. I wonder what they hide.
I am not sure everyone wear make-up for others--but to please themselves but for your messge it does apply.
It feels like this come from experience or at least personal opinion.

The idea of the last line is well put. I think the would "your" should be "you're" for "you are perfect".

I think the thesis is a good one and I see where it is worth expanding with more details and examples. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your personal expression here at WDC! Keep writing on! *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
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Review of Your Colors  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC Snowfie*BalloonP*! I found your lovely piece on the Newbie page! I really liked the idea of relating colours standing for a person's qualities. You leave it open for us to interpret what each colour might stand for. *Smile* So we can enter in to it personally.

Your message of reassurance to a friend or loved one that you do not take them for granted is profound. The colours green and gold are truly treasure type vibe colours.

The poem is free verse and suits the theme. The comparison to the sunset is interesting as well. I like to wonder which colours are hidden depending on time and season.

It has some lovely sound qualities in its flow like "striking crimson" and "shining gold". *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your crafting which evokes a bright picture in my imagination and a concept to consider. Keep on writing! *Star*

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 Un Milione di Baci~ Chapter Three Open in new Window. ()
Inventing Melody from Melania at the House.
#1303005 by Michelle Jeanette Author IconMail Icon


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