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Joanna

Children's poems

Would you want a girl or boy first kid?

What would you want you first child to be? A boy or a Girl?

Childhood

Something to relate to.

Sin Pain Poverty or False Perspective

My take on the given prompt

READ A NEWBIE

The Question of Why and How

Probably doesn’t have a rhythm, I am sleep deprived.

~Holy smoke and dying embers~

A cathartic poem about the struggle between good and evil. What path should one choose.

The breathless hearts descent

"A soulful Rumi-esque ode to surrender: A heart drowning in love

The Monster and the Clouds

Will the monster keep on laughing? Will the clouds keep on collecting? Don’t take over!

the thing about holding hands with a child...it's like you're holding hope incarnate

Sorji's Blog

This is just a place for me to ramble and dig a little deeper into myself for inspiration.

Are you comma crazy?

Do you love commas, or are you afraid of them?

Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/60

eyestar~*

Review Requests: OFF

7,130 Public Reviews Given

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Public Reviews

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1476

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14 days may be credited.

#3980669

Review of A walk in the woods

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HI war machine rocks! Welcome to WDC! Happy Earth Day!

Wow! What a moving tale! I could imagine the girl's feelings! I do not like to see trees cut down either. Your last line so effectively gives a clue to this girl's affinity for trees and her budding activist nature. Very evocative image of "signing papers and money accepted" Having the event happen in a family scene makes it personal and through the eyes of a child even more moving.

I thought of the changing landscape of child hood places--I know lots of pavement has occurred since i left our country home and tress cut down and farmlands bought up.

It is very free poetry without a distinct rhythm , more story like in its line structure.

I was bit confused at the beginning--walking in the woods through the grass to get there. Maybe it could be "walks to the woods.... through the grass"and then you do not need to say "make her way there" which is awkward.
Period after "funnels" for pause.

I enjoyed the underlying emotional potency of this piece and think it will trigger memories and hearts in us all. Thanks for sharing such a touching expression that also shows us hope that may lie in the future generation. The child has the knowing. *starstuck*

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1477

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#3980658

Review of Haiku - Rose in Crystal Vase

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

HI George! Happy Earth Day!

What a lovely image you portray in your haiku. It so clearly describes this rose as it starts to lose its petals. The first line is vibrant and I feel the potency in the word "cut". I think of fresh rose and then the contrast with the image in the last line. "tearful" ties us back to the "cut" .

The second line is evocative and inspires the imagination. I would love to see this vase.
I can imagine timeless moment in reflection.

The haiku form is well done though it does not require captial letters or only a little punctuation. The idea is to leave it boundless for the reader to add own understanding .

Thanks for sharing this vivid crafting.

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1478

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#3980110

Review of A KOOKABURRA'S BREAKFAST

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HI Meg, I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.

The title was an intriguing way to spark curiosity and is a original theme for a poem. The picture of the kookaburra is amazing and a lovely addition to the page. I was reminded of a song I learned as a kid "the kookaburra sits in the old gum tree..."

I enjoyed the light hearted vibe of this rhyming poem and it was fun to read with its flowing lyrical rhythm and rhyme. I could actually sing it.
I could imagine the scene from the vivid detail with which you weave the tale. You really capture the essence of this moment in time-before and after breakfast.

The pacing was well done and Ilike how you sped up with the last two lines of verse two. I had to smile at the fast food lingo in the last line here too.
The first verse began strong to lure us in to the scene and the second gives us the dramatic action! I like the idea that you are in its mind saying he is glad to fly.

The lines and rhythm pattern was not always the same though it flowed quite well. The last verse felt more stilted in places than the the other verses which flowed more smoothly.

In verse one I kept tripping on "looking" as I wanted to read "looks" as there is no active verb for the snake's action. If he is frantic an active verb might be more potent here. Could just be me and it works either way.

I wonder if the last line should reconnect us to the theme of breakfast--like he is satisfied or business as usual now...something instead of your opinion on the bird which seems off topic. It would keep with the theme.
Should there be a punctuation after "again" in the last verse?

This is an entertaining tribute that also gives us some information about its habits! Well done!

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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1479

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#3980100

Review of Beethoven Speaks

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

HI Oasis, I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.

Wow! this is absolutely suberb. I marvelled at the original theme and using Beethoven's voice and point of view. You really got inside his mind here from dramas I have seen on his life.

The descriptions you created are vivid and feel right for the personage. Well conceived ideas and the vocabulary was effective for the theme and energy you wanted to portray. Also they made for appropriate sound qualities too. eg "a rumbling ball of musical combustion". , "raking hands through riotus hair" Wow!

The metaphor and connection of his birth and the "pregant center" from where the music came is brilliant. The last verse sums up his life and music very well and is lovely to read aloud.

The free style suited the theme and your weaving created a potent description of his struggle with genius. It is dramatic and entertaining in its ups and downs and I enjoyed reading it aloud. I really have a sense of his termoil and the language is so poetic in its imagery {fire< spark giver, crevice in the mind,}. I was drawn into the revery.

This is an impressive and creative crafting revealing the essence of Beethoven's potential psychology based on his life. I loved it! *startstruck*

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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1480

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#3978966

Review of There are Two Kinds of People

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HI sonali! I am here with a review to celebrate you!

I couldn't resist and had to check this out! It has such a unique and intriguing theme that will certainly give rise to myriads of possible classifications. I love the open ended venue and that folks can make up to 10 entries. I imagine the rsposnes could be endless and it was interesting to see the way people think of classifying criteria. I had a good laugh at some of them!

Your intro is brief and nicely visible in vibrant colour and size. I like how you say not to offend anyone--good call. Keeps it happy and friendly fun!

I wondered how you came to think this up--your inspiration.

Thanks for adding this simple, all inclusive peice of interactive fun to WDC community!

Congrats on your 7 years and thanks for all of your contributions! Hope you have many more!

Light on the path as you write on!!

eyestar

"Invalid Item"

1481

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14 days may be credited.

#3978960

Review of Butterfly

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HI dottie! I am back with the last review as part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item"

It ahs been my pleasure to visit your port and savour your wonderful weavings.

I do enjoy butterflies and their symbolism so I was drawn by your topic. The colourful butterfly on the page adds to the appeal as does the way you varied your coloured font. It gives the page a fun and vibrant energy!

The poem vividly portrays the butterfly flitting journey as you entertain the notion of being a butterfly if you could choose it. I could see it coming back to the same flower. It felt like a metaphor.

The vocabulary is thematic and I like how you even use "metamorphosis". I loved the line "while the joy of my happy heart sings"! It so fits a butterfly vibe as an inspiration and gift of and for the creator. The consistent rhyme scheme added to the flow and pace.

I did not notice a definite rhythm scheme as you use a variety of line lengths. The last verse has really short line.

I wonder if there is a more vivid and interesting adjective that "beautiful" as that word can be over used and does givea specific reason why. It is generic for the magical butterfly..

This poem gave me a lovely visual and inspirational journey as I read it aloud and dreamt. Thanks for this tribute to the butterfly.

eyestar
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1482

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#3978956

Review of Touch A Star

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi liam! I am back with another review as part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item"

I was attracted to your item by the title as the idea of touching a star stirred my imagination.

I liked the pondering of the muse on the metaphoric possibilities.

Your metaphor was brilliant with a philosphical life lesson about walking your talk to teach the young.
In two short verses you share this wisdom in a well woven style.

The poem has lovely rhyme scheme and flows rhythmically. I did notice two longer lines in the second verse. The second line there threw me off a bit as it didn't flow as easily off the tongue.

I liked the bits of alliteration which added to pace and flow. I first wondered at the comma after "words" in line 2 as it seems to occur in the middle of a sentence. But I can see the alternative way of reading it with the pause for emphasis.

The first verse is my favourite and I enjoyed the phrases like "lessons spoken" and "but lived, reveal." I appreciate the tie in of "fruit' and "taste" and its reference.

I enjoyed this valid and relevant piece of wisdom shared in an almost lyrical manner in a way that can easily be recited and recalled.

It is effective method of teaching.

Thanks for sharing your wisdom and experience.

eyestar

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1483

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#3978856

Review of Autumn Morning

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HI dottie. This review is part of yourLightning Packagefrom "Invalid Item"

I truly enjoyed this inspirational poem with its fall theme. You expertly draw us into your perceptions of this one moment in time with all the vivid detail of waking on an autumn day. I like the melodic train echo and the aging cricket din in the damp air.
Lovely imagery for the sound of foggy morning.

I had to smile at "the sleeping bed" as I tried to imagine a bed sleeping.

I realized it was just the name of the bed as opposed to a day bed or something. Still...

I enjoyed reading the poem aloud too as if flowed well and had some wonderful sound combinations esepcially in verse two and three.

The picture at the bottom is lovely-- I like the white fence as contrast to colours in trees along the road.

I appreciate how the moment feels sacred as gratitude and prayer for daily guidance is expressed at the end.

Perfectly portrayed moment in time
expressed with sincerity and feeling of peace. I could really sense the appreciation for nature and creator.

Thank you for sharing this harmonious magic.

eyestar
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1484

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#3978662

Review of The Sandy Shore

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Congrats Dottie! You're receiving a gift from "Invalid Item"

! The Lightning Package has been ordered for you and includes three poetry reviews! Enjoy!

I am happy to review this poem that reminds me of peaceful summer days by the beach especially as we are having fast snow melt down and rain, causing flooding in areas. Also the gull is a totem of mine!

I enjoyed the revery in the tone and imagery which drew me into the scene. The setting was clear from the start with the viewer in the folding chair. I like finding out at the end that it is an artist who perhaps is painting it from the chair.

I didn't notice a particular rhyme or rhythm in the poem and not all the verse have the same number of lines. It didn't detract from the flow or enjoyment of the read.
I only tripped on the "and" beginning verse 3. I had to stop and read twice to get it. I guess I thought it odd to begin a verse with "and". I don't feel it is really needed. I like the emphasis on "overhead" if it was the first word instead of "and".

The free style does suit the theme and artistry of the piece.

The vocabulary is vivid and thematic: "gliding gulls" ,"discarded bread", reverie of song", "sandy shore" make a wonderful soundscape too.
I was enchanted with the first line and felt the invitation to join you. It felt as if that is where one might find you daily as in a ritual.

I thought of the call of the sea muses to the artistic or author's soul that would not resist the opportunity presented each day at the beach in the morning before human activity distracts.

Thanks for sharing this journey! I love the gull pic too.

eyestar
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1485

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#3978650

Review of Nature and Nurture

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HI Liam! This review is part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item"

I was drawn to the concept and lyrical flow of the title and was curious about Wreathed Poetry. How intriguing!
I imagine it took some time to get the rhyme correctly placed. I had to go look at the form and it seems to me this is successful rendition.

I enjoyed reading the flow of words that created a vivid metaphor. I thought the idea of "nature" beeing the thread" and the 'tatoos" as the effect so the world on our being! The psychogical with the scientific elements are brilliantly conceived. I see more and more in my own development how much conditioning and mimicry have influenced my Being and your expression of this idea is so original to me. It is a relevant and menaingful theme that evokes pondering.

I liked the tone at the end as I felt it was sending a little blame to others for how the speaker is! I had to smile. You begin in a serious tone and philosophical explanation and then he it the reader with something like a punch line! My take on it anyway! I love it!

I pondered at "blood and bone is but a piece.." as they are two things.

Thanks for sharing this amazing crafting of this deep message. I don't think I would have the patience to fashion the form. I learn from you.

Keep on scribing, master poet!
eyestar

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1486

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#3978608

Review of Witches Brew

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Welcome to WDC Mistress of the West! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

This is such a fantastic creative creation. It is amazing how you had the words fit the image of a cauldron! The title fits the theme.

The opening line reperesenting streaks of steam is brilliant! You set the scene witht eh word "whispering" as it gives me the notion of secret place.
The vocabulary is well chosen for the theme and woven effectively to create vivid imagery and soundscape
Bits of alliteration add to the atmosphere as well. I liked the bit of rhyme and the end and the concept of waitng for thier brewed wishes to come true. I like that you allow the audience to ponder on what those might be! Stirs the imagination.

In the title "Witches" should be possessive form with apostrophe I think.

I enjoyed reading the dramatic poem aloud and could imagine the scene clearly. Well brewed weaving taking palce in the dark where they whisper in secret. Thanks for sharing your witchy craft.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

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1487

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#3978120

Review of stronger

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Welcome mew,mew to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

Wow! This is a potent and personal expression that speaks of resiliency in overcoming trauma or crisis. I like the positive voice and strength of the tone and the determination in the last line.

The free style form suits the emotional content and theme. The repeated phrase is very emphatic and purposeful. The building of strength is well shown in the movement of the mind's reflections.

The use of periods also is emphatic and asks us to pause often. Not sure if grammatically correct in every case, but interesting for pace.

This poem is inspiring with its strong voice as it makes a demand of oneself to trust in one's inner strength and beauty!

Thanks for sharing your personal crafting! Keep shining!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1488

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#3978090

Review of Cookies and Animal Crackers

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello Zinka! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I couldn't resist the title which stirred my memory of animal crackers and the song "Animal crackers in my soup" as well!

I had to laugh at the scene you portray here and I can imagine it. I have been in kindergarten rooms at lunch time! LOL You really have the tone of voice down pat! This would be a great poem to illustrate.

I like the short phrases and questions which lend to the drama and frustration. The rhyme works too and might even be expanded to have a pattern. It is short poem but really gets your point across and could be seen as comical . You might even expand the poem to include more ideas expereinces of messy kids. Very relevant theme.

I noticed a typo in "were" whihc should be "where".

I thought maybe you could put your name and date on a separate line as it was confusing as part of the poem.

I was wondering if writing it as a poem format would enhance the power and presentation of the words. Instead of just a group of linear statements, something like: {if I may be so bold as to mess with your work}

"What a mess!
All over her dress!
Crunched on the floor!
Where is a broom?
where is a mop?
I wish the kids would just stop!

One cracker mess here
(One) cookie mess there!
What? Some in her hair.?
Cookies and animal crackers
here, there, everywhere!"

You can also get a feeling of it and see where you might want to tweak it when you see it in this form.
This is just my point of view--take what feels right for you and leave the rest.

In any case, I found this entertaining with a strong voice and had fun playing here.
Thanks sharing your craft!! Keep it coming.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1489

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14 days may be credited.

#3978088

Review of Haiku Poems

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello c-gates! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! I so enjoy the haiku form and am learning more and more about how to write it well so I was interested to read your renderings of the form.

I Like the selection youhave on the page as they have a rather comical vibe and tribute to a bad day in them. I had to smile at some of the last lines of you haiku. The zoo, the sauce and the phone dieing really evoked a response. I can relate to the last one about the door too. LOL

Most of them I feel are more senryu, a cousin of haiku with the same syllables and line count but concerning people/personal themes as opposed to the natural themes in haiku. Still, often folks use the haiku name as it is more familiar.

The format is well accomplished and each one has a perceptible contrast line that evokes our perception in another direction.
I believe haiku do not have capital letters so they can be boundless.

I wondered about "teased with the animals" wouldn't it be just "teased the animals"?

I had lots of fun reading these entertaining expressions, no matter the name. Well conceived little dramas too.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1490

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14 days may be credited.

#3977719

Review of A Dragon in search of Coffee.

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Cerbios!, Thanks for entering "DreamTime Dragon's Poem Contest" ! Here are my brief comments on your unique entry

I had a good time reading this comical poem. I think the comparison of this dragon description and his raging to being without coffee is so original a response to the prompt.

The combo of the fantasy theme with everyday items like the bedpost, furnace, baby cry and delineating what features came form everyday animals is brilliant!

I liked the magic of the RING and "morning shifts" ! What a hoot. Quite a commentary! I had to laugh at the anem of the witch too! Just too funny. I see an alarm clock!

The poem form is free style as I didn't note any rhyme or rhythm pattern. The intermittent and inner rhyme works and It suits the theme and the constant description and movement. I could hear the dragon speak as he relates his excuse and his journey. The vocabulary and actions fit the theme of dragon lore and

The imagery is well conceived and coffee drinkers will certainly get the point!! Creativity galore!! There are so many evocative underlying notions if we keep reading! The form could likely be tweaked but I loved the piece!

Keep the quill scribing!
eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1491

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#3977605

Review of The Quintessence of the Thing

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HI catdok! Welcome to WDC !

I was so drawn by your evocative title on the Newbie page so here I am to celebrate you with a review!

I had a lot of fun reading this wonderful rhyming expression with its fascinating words in bold! Your humourous view of writing and using big words is original and entertaining entry ot the Wrtier's Cramp. I like the sing song effect!

The poem flows quite well with a steady rhyme scheme. The rhythm is not perfect but it did no throw me off the read and message.
It was a bit tricky to read line 4 of verse 2 out loud though!

I had to re do! LOL

Great words ahd me running to a dictionary to make sure I had it right. LOL I wondered what the Cramp prompt was--you could add an author's nte at the bottom of your piece for interest. Maybe the bold words might have been a prompt?

This is so cool and fun that it is well worth tweaking at some point. Awesome creativity for the shortness of time the Cramp gives . Good for you!

eyestar

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1492

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#3977603

Review of The Dove Above

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

HI Romancefrantic! Welcome to WDC from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . I am here to celebrate you in our WDC Power Puddle jumping spring Review Raid!

I was drawn to the rhyming title and the image of the dove is such a potent symbol. This free style poem emits the vibe of peace and conveys concept of unity that love can bring.

The first two lines flow cohesively.
Then you change from third person to "WE" in the third line and I in the last.
It feels like there is more that you want to say here to clarify. I see that in the last line the speaker is inspired to call on the dove when so involved in the chaotic "crowd". It makes sense. The middle line is confusing.

The word "giant" describing crowd made me think more of giants. I wonder if "huge" or somethng that specifies why the crowd would have you call upon the dove.

The concepts here are relevant and inspiring. I think it is worth tweaking to give the full voice to your meaning.

Thanks for sharing your wonderful crafting with WDC! Keep on scribing with your muse!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1493

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#3977546

Review of The beast

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with Rewarding Reviewers Committee

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HI Amber! Thanks for entering "DreamTime Dragon's Poem Contest" ! Here are my brief comments on your thrilling ballad.!

I enjoyed reading this tale about a woman going to save her man from the dragon. I like the concept of heroine here as it does suit the prompt picture. Cool idea!

The images are descriptive and it is easy to follow the story. I wonder if some punctuation might add potency and pause at key points.
I did not notice a patterned rhythm as you use a variety of line lengths. It flowed fairly well though a few places threw me out of the flow.
eg :"keen eyes ..glee", {maybe drop the word "keen" and the line " the sound of ...flaw" was rough. Maybe "Like ..flaw".
I wanted to drop "And" before "saw mylove by the wall" to have better flow.
I like the midpoint when they saw each other. that line got my attention.

Awseome rhyme scheme in this long poem!

Some typos: "to watched him" needs to be "to watch". I wonder if "knife-like claws" might flow better too.

It is interesting that you leave us hanging at the end as she leaves off with her battle cry! Evocative for us to imagine the rest whatever way we think it might go.

It is amazing how you created such a lengthy piece that kept me reading at a good pace. Well worth tweaking!
Thanks for sharing your craft!

Keep the quill scribing!
eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1494

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#3977524

Review of No Love Lost

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HI Lavvone. I was drawn to the evocative title though usually haiku do not have them. I like the connection to no love lost and winter leaving . I am so ready for spring!!

I had the notion of an epitaph when I read this. !

The haiku form has a nature theme and you have the correct syllables and lines. I would leave off the captial letters except in the name as most haikus do not use them. I hitnk it is to keep the ideas hanging without boundaries so readers can come to interpretations or perspectives.

The first line draws me in as I wonder what could be over! I liked the flow of "ice cold, frozen" but doesn't "ice cold" and "frozen" mean the same thing? In such a short poem it is stronger not to repeat ideas. so maybe tweak this image a bit.

Thanks for sharing your expression in this difficult form. It has a strong vibe!

Keep on scribing!

eyestar

A WDC Power Puddle Jump spring Raid Review!

eyestar

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1495

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#3977509

Review of Open Spaces

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Liam! This review is part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item"

I love the freedom and expanse of open spaces and open skies on the horizons myself so the poem title appealed to me. I like westerns too so double the pleasure from the theme of a cowboy's evening on the range.

The descriptive first two lines drew me right into the scene and sets the place and time effectively. The sound and flow her is magnetic as well. I liked the " So here I sit"! To the point!

Your language portrays a vivid picture engaging the senses so I feel like I am there. Imagery suits the theme and setting: "crackling fire", "sagebrush", and "hard tack and beans on the boil"! Choice of words in that line really creates an appealing flow and sound too.

I felt that adverbs like " quickly", " only briefly" and even "interrupted" weren't as strongly descriptive. I like the idea in the 2nd verse. I'm not sure you even need the adverbs. I see a typo in "Is quickly"--needs to be "is".

I like the image of the horse's reaction with the inversion at the end I smiled at the last line! could be humourous or philosophical. I am sure cowboys often thought of how nice it would be to be somewhere warm at night or less lonesome! Of course, they had their horses! It let us enter into his evening revery like a dream so the italics are a nice touch here.

The lovely image on the page is well represented by your expression and it was a pleasure to read aloud and journey into that dream.
Thanks for sharing your evocative rendering!

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#3977179

Review of In Play With The Storm

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HI Stormborn Writer! Welcome to WDC Power Crew! I have Puddle Jumped to your port in our "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Raid!

This title caught my eye as it's theme fits spring and I liked the idea of a bird's eye view! The combo of play and storm is intriguing and posoitve POV as well.

I enjoyed reading the rather free style rendering with its organized rhyme scheme and storm wind flow. I like the use of gerund "ing" forms. The language suits the theme and I could visualize the scene from your vivid descriptions. I really liked line 3 to 6!

The rhythm flowed fairly well though the third verse was shorter in line and flow.
I kept getting stuck with "its" as the "heavens" is plural.

I liked the variety in verse one esp. The rhyme of line three with six not using the gerunds. I was looking for a similar pattern verse 2 though the images you chose here are effective.

I felt the struggle of the little bird and the warmth of its home at the end. I enjoyed the sound image of "dancing and diving" and the verb "huddle" is so evocative.

You captured the image of the strom in the sky as observed by the flying bird in a clear manner. I wondered what kind of bird--I assume it was a small one as you say it has small wings. It is cool to leave it up to us to imagine it.

I had fun reading this poem which imitated a storm in its vibration and showed the storm having fun. It is really a well thought out poem for the Cramp!

Thanks for sharing your gift.

Keep the muse flying above the storm and write on!

eyestar

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#3969637

Review of Staring Starward

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HI iamthenez! This review is the last part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item"

! Enjoy!

I was drawn to the evocative title of this piece as the idea of star gazing is appealing!

I liked the way it rolled off the tongue too.
It is interesting how it realtes to the end of this piece. The word "star" is evocative as it gives me the impression of a very intense looking--with intent and purpose rather than gazing and dreaming.

The story felt like an episode as it started after some greater event and regales the results of this war. The descriptions are vivid with words like "shuffling", "glassy eyed" that give a visual of traumatized people. I liked the rumour simile too! Well done!

Given that you had a small word count, this piece amazingly does create a sad and complete view of this aftermath.

Icould feel the heavy vibe from the heavy words, long sentences and description.

I think you might break up the second paragraph in to two sentences. I also wanted to drop the "and" before "Oh slowly" and begin a new line.

I wondered about who is speaking. You say "our camp" and and "their haunted faces" So I took that those with the camp were different from the refugees and were not "haunted". Just pondering!

It is evocative how you leave us with them staring at the stars as we ponder their intent. Hope? or wary?

This is so fascinating and I think you could make a longer story with more detail and the rest of the story! LOL

Thanks for sharing your gift in this sad yet entertaining episode. And in only 240 words!!

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#3969420

Review of Sea Runner

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HI Prosperous snow! This is one of your reviews from the "Invalid Item" !

I was intrigued by the evocative title as it stirred my curiosity especially as your tagline said it was for a sea creature contest. I love imaginary worlds so here I am.

The style is narrative and read as factual account one might find in a book of sea creatures. Awesome choice of style.

I enjoyed reading about your creature and was quite enthralled to keep reading! I was fascinated by its unique features and what they can do. I had to laugh at the end even while thinking how wonderful it is that they could clean up polluted water. Wouldn't it be awesome today if it was so?
sensitive beings might make friends withit and help clean up the planet. At least for the children.

The descriptive elements made for vivid picture in my mind and the language flowed quite well. I enjoyed its weaving and longish sentence structures. The second line read rather long though it made perfect sense. I wanted to cut it in half just for breath after scales!

The word choice and concepts fit the theme and the nature of the writing---an article about a sea creature. Kids would love to read this.
I wondered what it's bizzarre sense of humour might be like. eg an example.

I liked the humour at the end and that it is a practical joker.

I noticed a typo: 'coverd" needs to be "covered".

I liked reading about this dynamic creature and your imaginative muse is so inventive. This was fun! You may have inspired my muse to give this theme a try!

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#3969150

Review of Teaching Wonderment

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Congrats! You're receiving a gift from "Invalid Item"

! The Fossil Fuel Package has been ordered for you from your generous self!

HI Chris. Wow! This is truly remarkable expression with detail and sincerity of tone. It has the feel and length of a testamonial and I am impressed with the style and consistency of rhyme scheme with its variety that was not forced.

I appreciated images like "stellar nursery", aromas of glens". The way you exhort, present questions for us to ponder and encourage reader to reach for the sky as you weave your philosophy on learning and all it means to you and it's potential value for others is potent.

I enjoyed reading it aloud as didn't really trip over any of the lines as they flowed along.

The free style works with the theme and the non patterned lines did not detract from the read and meaning or the message.

I enjoyed the read several times. Varied pace and flow.

I did think some lines could be tightened up in places.
eg. drop one "and" in the first line of the last line and place a comma instead.
Drop the "and" in the last line as redundant with "so".

This was a bit confusing a first:" their unearthing breeding wonderment." I think it the using the "ing" words so close. I had to reread to get it.

In "the beginnings of our understanding" should it say "beginning"?

You used the word "exquisite" and then "exquisiteness" fairly close {2 verses}. I wonder about having variety and is there a more explicit descriptive word for the latter. That one is a mouthful.

Your expression here is truly a tribute to your mentors, past and even on into the future and as you express this you teach as well, for those who will hear.

I would put the author's note at the bottom to set off your masterpiece.

Thank you for hearing your poetic muse and composing and sharing this wisdom piece that will be relevant for all time.

Please keep writing.

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#3964747

Review of Haiku - Singing Leaves

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi GeorgeWDeMuth! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! I love haiku and was happy to come across yours in the Poetry page.

This haiku really captures a vivid essence of spring in the image of green leaves, bluebird song and the reference to earth born. The latter is quite evocative. I think of dandelions for some reason.
I like the image of " leaves to waves" as it evokes the idea of the sound of water. I think of trees as well as grasses in fields! Brilliant.

I don't generally think of spring as "blissful" though if you mean it as light greens of early spring leaves it works. One's mind can interpret variety of spring moments.

The soundscape of line two is wonderful! It was pleasant to read the poem aloud.

Usually haiku do not have periods and only capitals on names. I think the idea to to allow the energy to be boundless for the reader to delve.

I appreciated the colourful and potent picture of this moment in time. thanks for sahring your gift.

Light on the path as you write on!
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