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1451
1451
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC Aiden ! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Bird*I found this on the Read A Newbie page I like august time of year so I was curious to read your description from whereever you are. Youhave some wonderful mouth waters phrases to describe elements of the august earth with vibrant colour and movement. The imagery is potent: flimsy stem of fragile leaves" riding the current", the jigssaw puzzle, feahery clouds. *Smile* The sentences were long and flowing with a rich and alliterative soundscape. My favouite was the last paragrpah with the birds. *Smile*

Adverbs like "graciously" are not really vivid descriptive in real sense. What would that look like as a picture?
The word "experienced" threw me out a little as it does not feel prosaic but logical of scientific. Even "prima ballerina" gets your point across more smoothly. One doesn't get to be prima unless experienced. *Wink* I thing you mean Laying dormant" for "Latin".
I was totally thrown off by "archaic infinitude". *Confused* It seemed like a mouthful and I didn't get it. *Rolleyes* Felt heavy.

Don't ya hate pesky typos? {"o the fleeting">>"of", "beans" a typo for "beams"? "ion wispy">>"in wispy"?*Wink*, "lot the terrain ">>"dot".

Impressive piece of writing and I enjoyed reading it aloud. Fun. *Smile*

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " Open in new Window.!*RainbowR*


Eyestar Sunspear from Martell House in "King's Landing updating " Open in new Window.
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1452
1452
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC Lauryn Rose. I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

I enjoyed reading this draft of this delightful children's story and could imagine it as a picture book. You don't give much description of the characters but with a picture book it will be apparent.

I liked the beginning where she is bored with all of her things until she spies the upcake wrappers. I could see her as she flopped on the bed.
The progression the story makes sense and the repeating parts are well done as she keeps trying to solve the problem. I could see the pictures where we sit with her behind the cupcake stand so we do not sse the blank sign til her mom does at the end. That way children could come up with potential reasons why they are not selling. Great discussions and imagination.

Watch using adverbs like"sadly". Better to show a vivid description. "what would sadly look like." You have her sniffling and that is a vivid clue.*Thumbsup* We know she is sad from that and when you add the picture we will see it. How does one "laugh quietly".*Wink*

I was wondeirng if the line before mom tells her aboout the sign is needed as it gives the punchline away a bit--like we know what 's coming. I like the way she see the tabel and cupcakes and then maybe you could have her see what was wrong without telling us. eg "but then she saw it, or saw what was wrong" rather than give it away.
The next line is potent and her "gasp" is vivid.

I wondered if the setting was in the country as if it was a side walk in town folks walking by would be sure to notice someone sitting there with cupcakes and check it out. is she attracting walkers or drivers. Oh the logic that just came up. LOL

I had to laugh at the end as it is plausible and unexpected!*Smile*

A few typos /suggestions as I read the draft: :
"tired to painting." >>"of"
In "cupcake...her mom had bought her"--you could leave off the "her" to tighten it up.
"then shouted for her mom"-- I thought here you could just stop at shouted as in the next line you say "mom..". It would lead nicely into the dialogue. Also, you have too "then" s in the sentence. "and shouted " suffices not to have run on. I would look at other places wehre you say and then"--do you really need it. eg. "and then decorated.." Keep it simple.
"shinning" needs to be "shining"
"wont" is "won't"

The story was entertaining and will makea great visual book with all the yummy cupcakes in increasing yumminess. and the mess of the kitchen--er well both characters seem very organized and neat. Nice quirk!
Peanut butter a good choice as kids might think that so many are allergic to peanuts they wouldn't buy them. and lemon isn't as popular with kids. but chocolate! yes! so the mystery gets more mysterious with each cupcake.*Thumbsup*
( Too bad it has raspberry it is! *Sad* I don't like my chocolate mixed wth berry of any kind. *Bigsmile* but that is just me *Wink*

Good premise and well organized progression of events. Thanks for the entertainment and smiles! *Starstruck*

Keep at it and good luck with this piece.

Light on the path as you write on!



Eyestar Sunspear from Martell House in "King's Landing updating " Open in new Window.
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1453
1453
Review of A Spring Haiku  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Treepine*Greetings! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

HI Maryann. What a bright and colourful haiku page celebrating spring! You have a gift for aesthetically appealing pages.*Smile*
Traditionally haiku are plainly presented so that the words convey the entirety of the message the reader can consider the image within his own mind. Still this is fun. *Cool*

The poem portrays a vivid image of spring morning as flowers begin ot open after nights sleep and scents begin to rise. The word "wakes" give me a time of day but also with "garden" a time of year: spring! Good word choice. the bit of personification of the honeysuckle as shy is evocative as well. I am not sure traditional haiu uses this technique but it did give me a fanciful vision. I imagined the flowers in the Alice in Wonderland cartoon..

The poem follows the haiku format of 3 lines, apt syllables and nature theme. I didn't experience a very strong aha moment of the contrasting view point. I think the vision of flower peeking does contrast to the scent idea but didn't feel the vibe where I could see another perspective. I am still learning the form and this is the most challenging part to get.

The "will follow" seems to speak of the next moment. I thought Haiku was to capture clearly one moment in time.
I loved the vibrancy of the image and the word choice with sound combinations was pleasant to read aloud. I did enter into the picture with my imagination and it does portray the essence of spring! *Starstruck* I learn from your observations!

Thanks for sharing your craft and entering in to the high tone world of haiku. Well done!
Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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1454
1454
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC musingink! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Bird*Ok , I had to check it out on the Read A Newbie page because I thought it was unique topic for a poem! *Thumbsup*
I had a good laugh at the incredible journey of this poor slinky! *Laugh* Brilliant conception!

You have a vivid imagination as indicated by the trials you put it through--gnome with a piece on the side, bovine horn, quicksand to end its life. A pretty wierd yet sensible course of events. I love the increasing nonsensical sequence. *Thumbsup*

Using references to Santa's sack, Barbie and Ken and the cow over the moon was a fun choice.

The poem is written in rhyming couplets and your rhymes included a nice variety of different words like "directive" "detective" shelves" "elves" etc.

The descriptions were vivid and the vocabulary chosen for the slinky's movements etc were right on!

If I was to tweak it I would try to even up the rhythm within the couplets so they match in syllable flow for an smoother oral reading.
Also in verse 1 "rather" is weak descriptor. In verse 2 "shatter" should be "shattered"

Overall, I was highly entertained and bow to your sense of the nonsensical. *Starstruck* Write on...next chapter..slinky in the underworld! *Wink*



Light on the path as you write on!

Eyestar Sunspear from Martell House in "King's Landing updating " Open in new Window.
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1455
1455
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC Harmony! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Bird*I found your story by cruising the Read A Newbie Page and the title word "avatars" caught my interest. So here I am.

The story has mythological vibe and I like the dramtaic entrance of the Avatar in the beginning.we do not really kn whwo they are and one seems more in touch with the human world at this point and is trying to convince Sophia to re join them. You do not really explain their background much but this may be part of a bigger story. Interesting to know about.

I was drawn into their interaction and the characters were vividly portrayed through description and dialogue. I could identify with the emotional nuances of Sophia and the pshychology of it felt true as she struggled through her angst . so like a lost soul, wanting to be saved but not trusting it could be, not even with a friend! You don't say directly who the water god is but I get the idea that there are higher gods.
A little background unfolds as you go along that there is a hieracrchy and these lesser beigns are trying to stick together somehow. We are not sure why. I like the cryptic ending of how they will do it without her. A great ending to make one want to read the rest of the story.

The descriptions of setting and charcter were vivid as well. I could really see her in her element! Very strong personality but defensive and torn. A good contrast to the calm earth caring male character.

I really enjoyed reading this episode and it kept me entertained to the end. *Starstruck* A lot of good material that could be expanded ! Thanks for sharing your creativity!

Light on the path as you write on!



Eyestar Sunspear
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1456
1456
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC The Winter! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

This is so evocative and I so applauded the point of view! The voice is sincere and strong as it makes its brilliant comparison of poetry to society! The ideas are thought provoking and interesting. I realate to the idea that is you do not follow the structure, determined by some one somewhere, yoare the one who is not normal. I like to think that if one is outside the box, it is a different reality-not wrong and one ahs to be willing to Be the difference regardless of popular opinion.

I can sense the confusion of the "what they say in school" about expression and structure as the speaker sees the dichotomy or polarity of it. *Thumbsup*

Lucky there is free style rather formless or stream of consciousness expression like this that serves the purpose of free self expression of which you speak. I like the way you wove this opinion with it s variety of lines. The queries within involved me into your pondering.*Smile*

I liked the idea "we are poetry" and the conclusion is a unique way to say change. We are indeed works in progress ! It takes courage to follow our own unique path. I am happy you did here in this poem.

I really enjoyed reading this! It brightened my day. Keep on observing and asking as you write on! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!



Eyestar Sunspear from Martell House in "King's Landing updating " Open in new Window.
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1457
1457
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC The Winter ! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

This is an evocative poem with a deep and meaningful message for today. So many people judge their bodies and compare to others and some Ideal perfectionism. Who created that form? Why do we buy in?

The point of view is personal and potent and so effective for drawing me into the web of your words. The apologetic tone is so realistic too.It is so sad at the end that one feels like nothing. It seems like it is worse when a friend is preferred .

I like the "your" hand, standards as if speaking to that unknown being who decides these things--society, media, everyone who has learned to believe the lie that one body is better or worse than another. Or the inside voice that has been influenced by the outside workd and now judge from within. Cool to ponder each!

The free style suits the theme and emotional content. I like stream of consciousness work.

The image of "woven webs of perfection" is beautiful! The idea of "battle" within the self is relevant too. The verb "clutch" is intense too and interesting for the context. I was confused as to what battle the friend won.

It is cool in a way as if there is battle it can mean there is a Higher Being inside that knows how ok you really are. We can decide what voice to listen to! It would be neat to do a more upbeat poem from that angle sometime.

Thanks for sharing such an emotional piece of your craft! *Smile*
Light on the path as you write on!*Star*



Light on the path as you write on!


Eyestar Sunspear from Martell House in "King's Landing updating " Open in new Window.
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1458
1458
Review of For Martin  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Fire* HI Fiction diva. This review is part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.!

*Bird*Oh I so like Acrostic poems as there is so mcuh variety in the form and content. This is an excellent form to use to pay tribute to anyone or anything. The poem is wall laid out on the page with the first letters highlighted with appropriate spacing for ease of reading.

Amazing how you were able to get all of the key points of Martin Luther King Jr' s importance in this short poem. It was interesting to read and easy to follow the meaning in the variety of sentence lengths you used. It was really cool how the "ou" sound" reverberated in your first three lines like an echo that raises the like a banner and mimics a tribute. You have good detail to reveal the vitality and value of his purpose and life.

I notice you need a comma after "blood(,) the water..." in line T in the second verse.
You did use "remind/reminding twice for R. It is hard to think of another word and this is a trbiute to remember, but variety is something to consider if tweaking. *Wink*
I wonder if you need the word "and" after "flames" in line "Together..", as I think the next line can stand by itself and still feel connected without it.

I like how you got the dream in in "NO dream.." and the Creed. Having "gift " on its own is emphatic too. Good call, For his life was also a gift to the world. I liek the dramtaic ending...and the whole peice seems to call forth that we carry the torch, summed up beautifully in "Tomorrow is mine! "

Thanks for sharing your heartfelt expression that honours a great human being. *Starstruck*
Keep the ink flowing! *Quill*

eyestar

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1459
1459
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Fire* HI diva. This review is part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.!

*Bird*I was drawn to your title as I like to ponder the symbolism of nature in my own self discovery and unfolding.
Your weaving is creative and thought-provoking as you share how each season stimulates or mirrors one' s own growth.
It was pleasant to read even without a definite rhythm and some off rhymes.

My favourite verse was the first and then the third as the ideas were vivid. I liked the "grime of refusal" Spring cleaning, *Thumbsup* and that the fall brings new life, which is usually given to spring. I so get that. *Smile* I think it is cool that winter is good for you. The isolation of winter is like being in the quiet musing of oneself away from all outer influences--thus closer to ones' own truth.
I like the strong vibe words like "ignites", breeds", in contrast to summer's "lazy, stifling heat". "brindled thoughts" is cool too. *Thumbsup*

I wondered if you needed the "and " in last line of verse 2. The word "ironically" flows nicely yet not very descriptive in poetic sense. *Wink*
You used the words "thoughts" and "self" twice close in one verse. It looks like the rhyme scheme was abab though some rhymes were off and you used the same words to rhyme .That might be a place to tweak if you ever seen need to edit.

Thank you for sharing your journey ot self in such a potent and original fashion. It is inspiring and gave me food for thought.*Starstruck*

eyestar

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1460
1460
Review of Buddha Mind  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC fellow Canadian Life liberty! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

I was cruising the Newbie Page and this caught my eye. I love to meditate and Buddhist teachings are so interesting. The concepts of opposites in and stayin in the middle of Being is appealing.

Your poem seems to be a freestyle or stream of consciousness flow which so suits the theme of contemplating the buddha. Short verses and lines fall down the page leaving lots of space which gives me the notion of no boundaries and silence of no mind as it filters out all and lets thoughts float off. *Smile*

I like how you empasize the nothing and the not in the repeating in one line pattern. The third verse progressing to the "no-thing" is well done. The use of gerunds forms works here too as they have a longer flow. "still, yet moving...frozen" is potent mid section. I was wondering if you needed the next bit about "Still.." as it seems to break up the flow of your process. though I could see the emphasis you want to make.

I would drop the "And" before "growing" as redundant.
I would put your name at the bottom of the page as I find it is distracting and is not part of the poem really.

Your expression has really captured the essence of the Buddha mind concept which lawasy evokes one to consider it s meaning and ponder beyond thought.*Star* Thanks for sharing your reflection.*Heart*



Light on the path as you write on!


Eyestar Sunspear from Martell in "King's Landing updating " Open in new Window.
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1461
1461
Review of Garden  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Treepine*Greetings turtlemoon! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry on behalf of the House Martell in the"King's Landing updating " Open in new Window..*Delight*

*Trees*Oh! This is absolutely a vivid expression and I loved reading and entering into the garden picture you painted.*Delight*

I was captivated by the language that so illustrated the moment in time contrasting the birds and the floral elements.
The phrase "feathered notes" is unique and evocative, more fanatastical than realism. Yet I like the description.

The form has the essential haiku elements of nature, 3 lines and correct syllable counts and also I feel a contrast point. That is the most difficult part of haiku and I struggle with it. I did feel the tug to other perpsectives as I ponder your weaving and imagine a myriad of colour in flowers and birds. I wonder too what story there is to be mused if one oculd hear the true song of nature.

The vocabulary words like "tapestry" create mind pictures even to murals on walls that depict gardens.
The idea in the last line is interesting and I thought the mix of that with song was brilliant.*Sun*

I enjoyed reading the flow and soft sounds aloud. Good use of letter combos. The poem hangs in space, boundless as haiku can.

I feel there is something to suggest but my knowledge is not yet so great that it comes to me. Only a feeling.. so for now I learn from you.*Star*

Thanks for sharing this fine exemplar of this challenging form. It is an honour to read it.

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*
Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

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1462
1462
Review of Spring  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Treepine*Greetings! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

HI Chevy Bobcat. I enjoyed pondering the concepts in this haiku about spring. The last line is so original and emitted a fanciful vibe. It made be smile. The first line was strong and brought me to attention as Spring bursting forth is prone to do. I am not sure how a morning "stands". *Smile* You have used personification well.

The haiku form is well done in line and syllables. it doesn' t usually use capital letters or a title on the page.
The imagery is lovely and I enjoyed reading aloud for flow.
I didn't get the sense of a contrast that is part of haiku experience. It felt like lines 2 and 3 were giving a similar message.
I'd like to see a more concrete nature image--that I can experience with you.

The poem captures the essence of spring in a metaphoric way.

I am still amateur at this challenging form, always striving and learning and I thank you for your rendering of haiku. Good job and only your second.! *Starstruck*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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1463
1463
Review of Golden  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonP* Welcome to WDC Megan! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*

I really enjoyed this prosaic journey inot a moment in time as the sun sets. I could imagine myself there in your vividly described scene especially paragraph 3! Delightful visuals of "carpets", gold..fills .and spills" "liquid sun" and the way you stand is so evocative of the awe that you speak of at the end.

The use of the present tense and and first line make it personal and your= draw us in with your question--inviting us to recall our own expereince as we go in ot yours.

The reference to Eden's purity and the idea of Eternity in that moment of bliss reflects your connection of nature's perfection to divine inspiration and the idea of the oneness of all time is appealing to me.

I think you could have less spaces between paragraphs as it seems distracting to me. Your paragraphs are short enough to not require such spacing--it takes aways from the intimacy of the whole.

Reading this was a pleasant experience and inspires one to take a moment to observe the wonder of what is right here and that it can raise our vision to something more. *Star*

Thanks for sharing your vision.


Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1464
1464
Review of The Star  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC Trisha! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

Wow! This is a wonderful tribute to your dad from a 12 year old you! It feels comforting and a way to approach the passing of loved one. They are always there in our heart and attributing that presence to a star is so valid . Your 12 year old self was wise and philosophical. *Heart*

I enjoyed reading the rhyming verse and while the rhythm is not perfect, for a 12yr old it is well done and flows rather well. It has a nice pattern of repetition.

Though some lines are awkward like line 2, {I think the word "won"t" for doesn't might flow and sound better) and generally we wouldn't use so many "that" in poetry, I think the poem has emotional meaning and reflects the child's view.

Also "to" needs to be "too" in "going to far".

This is a wonderful keepsake for you of that time. *Star* Thank you for sharing such a personal tribute. Keep on writing from the heart.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1465
1465
Review of One by One  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC gummyhearts! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Delight*

I like the title of this as it is simple and evocative. It made me curious to wonder one by one what. *Smile*
The poem has a free style structure with a lovely interesting rhyme and it was fun to read aloud.
It has a rather sad vibe as I see the girl hidden during chaotic times. Or I could also imagine her on a cloud waiting to come to earth and seeing a future not so bright. But I am strange! *Smile*

I wondered why your kept your first two lines long instead rhyming couplets like your other lines. The repeated "me" and "see" rhymes works in this simple "nursery rhyme "type of poem, even though usually we try for variety of words that rhyme.

I liked the off rhyme with "world". LInes 3-4 are my favourite as the movement is vivid and the line 4 is potent in its evocation--we can imagine what it looks like in our POV!

Thanks for sharing your expression for all to enjoy!*Star*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1466
1466
Review of Beach Scene  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*Sun*HI Mitch! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

Wow! This is an amazing expression and was so pleasureable to read and envision. The language is vividly descriptive with a flowing soundscape filed with alliterative phrases. I like the evocative idea of "soothsaying stars" and "darkness demure". I like stargazing and am reminded of the astronomers of old {and even now} using star charts. The image of the sandcastles final stand is awesome too. So many wonderful weavings.

The atmsophere and tone remind me of lazy slow summer nights with their magics. Fireflies on dunes is cool I have walked on dunes at night in the moon light so we could see. LOL

Each line is rich with apppealing image that is accessible to all. The lone soul is profound and mirrors this setting and time. One feels connected to the universe-expanded yet small in the vastness. Night reveals the inner vastness of one's soul. The scenery is more vivid and alive from the clarity of that focussed observation and solitude.

The only glitch or puzzlement to me is the colon after "forever".*Confused*

Impressive peice that shows you Poetic mastery! *Starstruck* Thank you for the journey.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1467
1467
Review of Ode to Sunsets  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flowerr* HI Shelley! Happy Earth Day! *Earth*

Oh I so loved your first line with the alliterative language! *Delight* It impelled me to read on!
Your weaving has created a very vivid description of sunset and its variations and the appreciaton for this time of day is clearly vibrant.

It was pleasant to read as I enjoyed the sound scape and visual stimulation. words like "luminous"," vivacious", "enticing " are flowing and interesting. they suit the Ode idea too, raising the inspiration vibe.*Wink*

I like the flow of line 10-11 starting with the verb. it added variety and drama.
I wonder if instead of using "And" in line 8 "with" might flow better.

Using bold font for sunset and the font itself is effective for this expression. I can just see it in my memory mind. Lovely.*Starstruck*
Thanks for sharing your talent.

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

April 22nd is Earth Day!


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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flowerr* HI Brenpoet! Happy Earth Day! *Earth*

*Leaf1*Oh I so appreciate the lyrical sound and imagey of your verse. The magical vibe of fall as a lady is appealing.*Delight*

The form is balanced and the rhythm and rhyme of your descriptive weave made it a joy to read aloud.

I did notice a few lines out of the flow in syllable if youwere aiming at a steady flow form.
Line 2 verse 2 longer, last line verse 3 shorter, line 4 verse 1 you could drop the "and" to have it match. *Wink*

I could easily feel the vibe of the poem and its rather philosphical undertone. The personification is perfect for the theme and I visualize an earth mother figure watching the dance from every tree.

The reference to the youth of spring was fun too and speaks to the cycles of nature and the goddess. I think of Persephone and Demeter.
The picture that graces the page is unique art piece and sets off the poem aesthetically on the page.

I really enjoyed the colourful dance of your vision! *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your gift.

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

April 22nd is Earth Day!


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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
HI Maddy! Happy Earth Day! *Earth*

O wow! You make a great case for not drilling offshore. Your opinion voice is clear, never wavering from its intent and you back it up with solid evidence. *Thumbsup*

You share detailed information in an organized way from the opening thesis to the summative ending. The style and laguage suit the theme and non fiction content and pursuasive purpose. It was easy to follow your thinking, stats and dangers you refer to and I could read it read without tripping up.

Glitch point:
I one line you say" we can't make it any worse", I think you mean "we don't want to make it worse" or "it could get worse if we do not act." Beacause I think we certainly Can make it worse--. *Wink*

I like how the thesis is centered in one area (canada} and it is apparent you have done your research. As a Canadian it is interesting to know some of the fact I didn"t know! Sharing this article brings the harm drilling issue back to our focus. The dangers and effects of spills are truly sad and will ahve major consequences on next generation--right now!

Good call to add the definition too.

Thanks for writing this direct and instructional article. I can really sense the pasion yo have to get this POV across in your caring for the land and its creaures ! Keep standing for the earth. *Earth**Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

April 22nd is Earth Day!


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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Flowerr* HI Harry! Happy Earth Day! *Earth*

*Sun*I liked the title as it makes the melting process a bit or a grand event!*Waterdrop* I was interested to see how you'd describe it without using the words the prompt said not to use, like water, wet..etc. Wow! That is quite a challenge.

And you acheived it with your free running river like poem. It is cool how it flows with little punctuation to pause it in its course. Great imitation of natural flowing melt down. You have created a vivid image of the melting snow as it begin upstream adn continues to its end. I enjoyed the descriptions and sounds like "bouncing, babbling conveyors" and also "sparkinng liquid", "rivultets" , "drops" as replacements for the more obvious words you couldn't use. Well done!

You show good detail of where the water winds up and I like the contrast with the summer drought, that this spring water will alleviate.
I am not sure you need the adverbs like "sufficiently" as you do tell us it is refilled , which implies enough, and how is is lead "safely"?

The journey of the snow melt is clearly defined here complete witht he changes thar occur in streambeds, etc along the way. I liked reading the pace and breathlessness of the trip.*Smile*

Thanks for sharing your craft. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

April 22nd is Earth Day!


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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Earth* Hi Finn! Happy Earth Day! *Earth*

*Waterdrop* I found this evocative title on the Non-fiction environment genre page and the concept it suggested stirred my muse. It had a metaphoric feel to it though it is non-fiction. *Delight*

The piece is unique and sets an intent or target for potential writing or study of the topic.
The first line is a relevant summation of life without water. You used effective illustration of a fact in a poetic way. Brilliant. *Sun* I think you need a period after the word "existence" as the line is a full thought and doesn't flow into the next part of the line. Period after" rubble" too.

The alternate pink and black is effective. I'd like to see the sum word "powerful" centered for effect and balance.

The piece does feel like a beginning and you made a good start on list of words to do with water. There are many more and I think it will be fun to explore. Good luck with your journey of discovery.*Star*

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

April 22nd is Earth Day!


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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Earth* Happy Earth Day! *Earth*

*Flowerr*Hi Hunter's Moon! This is absolutely charmng! I just saw this non poetic entry at the Earthday Challenge! {e;smile} I had to check it out.
I so enjoyed this story with its environmental theme set in a future time. The intimate drama unfolded between mom and child on one April morning sometime he future when he earth was cooler. I like how you gradually release details of changes like little fruit, snow in April and how it came to be and that the story mom tells is about the the spring as it used to be. You make it seem magical, which it would be if some one had never seen it. Sad to think it would ever come to that.

The Storyline flowed welland easy to follow. The descriptions of the setting, and characters and the "spring" scene are vivid and detailed. I liked the "spikey" hair and "scrunched up" expression. Reading the story gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.
The dialogue was natural and purposeful and enlived your characters. A story day sounds like fun too.

I like the way the mom didn't recall the details of the environment matter as it is believable--who would understand the scientific jargon.? Inventive solution you created was clever. I have seen big snow in April here so I wasn't shocked by it in the story. Maybe a later date might give a more dramatic clue--though you do say later that it snowed til July.

I was enchanted by the spring story.."the bravest of flowers..." I'm thinking dandelions and daffodils!! LOL

This was delightful entertainment with a message to make us pause and appreciate the earth and its seasons. How lucky we are.*Star*

Thanks for sharing your gift.

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

April 22nd is Earth Day!


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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Flowerr* HI Reason. Happy Earth Day! *Earth*

*Tree*Wow! I was drawn to the title and tag line! *Smile* Jim?

This is an interesting article about Co2 and its essential purpose. You have made the informations easy to understand and follow.
I think you could shorten the space between your paragraphs.

I can see the research that has gone into this as you share facts about how CO 2 is used and created and it was fascinating to learn that perhaps it is less a factor to global warming. You make good points about how man doesn't allow for the CO2 to retrun so plants can use it.

I sense this could be a kind of thesis where you are giving evidence that C02 is essential. You use good evidence.
In terms of article writing, you may tweak it to include an intro paragraph to set up your intent and a closing a paragraph to sum up your initial thesis. Just to polish it up and have it feel complete. I felt it left me hanging at the end.

You write clearly and directly using scientific vocabulary and lots of detail. I did enjoy reading the information you presented and learned some things. *Star*

Thanks for sharing this piece. I felt your appreciation and strong point of view for the subject matter.

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

April 22nd is Earth Day!


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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flowerr*Hi Kai. Happy Earth Day! *Earth*

*Tree*I enjoy reading haiku and havebeen learning this challenging form so I was thrilled to find this item! *Delight* The subject of desert is a fine theme and sparked my curiosity.

This is marvelous collection poems with so many vivid images of desert life. Each haiku is well formatted though I believe hakiu does not use captial letters but for names.
I enjoyed reading each one with its interesting vocabulary, imagery and captured moment of time. I liked the "ant-streams..writhe" and "sunbeams slice the shade" and the "guilded hoods" haiku. *Thumbsup*Wonderful evocative imagery. Hard to pick favourites here though the last three seem to me very original.*Delight*

I notice you have used rhyme is some of them, which is so creative. I don't think Haiku uses that technique traditionally. Yet fun to read.

I could spend time musing on each of these so thanks for the journey into the desert magic. I will play in the "floating tunes". Lovely work.*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

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April 22nd is Earth Day!


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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Tree*Happy Earth Day!*Earth*

*Bird*HI Jellyfish! This is marvelous and very moving. The poem is creative in its presenting a comparison of different animals in their habits and use of the earth. I like that Earth Mother addresses each one as though speaking and honouring each chosen animal including man. It is brilliant and well conceived and the descriptions/qualities you mention fo reach verse is valid and relevant showing how each adds to the world as opposed to man's flawed actions.

It was pleasant to read aloud and the words used in rhyme scheme are varied. Good job here. The rhythm was not quite even throughout but it did not detract from the heartfelt message and potency. *Wink*

I noticed in each verse you talk to the animals :::"you are my.." except with the dolphins. The "you " is left out, perhpas for length of line but as lines and syllable have no regular pattern I just wondered about it. It stood out as I read.

There was a underlying tone of sadness yet love, that we cannot be like the animals as you pay each tribute. The last verse feels blunt and cold and emphasizes your message. You have done Mother Earth proud in your version of what she might say in a loving way!*Starstruck*

Thanks for sharing this impressive expression. Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar

April 22nd is Earth Day!


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