Hi hooves! I am back with another review as part of your Electric Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! Enjoy!

Wow! These are powerful verses filled with philopsphically toned concepts. Well done. I think they are more senryu than haiku as they have human and concpet thems instead of nature..but what is in a name" They are well written in the format and evocatively invite us to enter into the vision with our own perspective.

The title drew me in and is so filled with deep meaning in the idea of opposing concepts. The senryu chain illustrates your vision.
The first verse has strong opening image with "names in the dust" seeting the idea of transient life and then I could see the hard life of the second verse--so many variants, and then the idea that lesson outcomes will be known later and whne done you life is done.

I like the expansion of the vision in the last verse to include a longer life period and the dramatic last line!

There is such depth in this expression that I could send much time dwelling in the dimensions of it. Well worth the pondering.
I find the form hard to create and so admire this craft. It is brilliant! Thanks for the illustrative model of the form. I learn form you!

I am glad I found this book! Keep on Shining as the you are!

HI Hooves! This review isthe 3rd part of your Electric Package from "Invalid Item" ! Our shop elves are just catching up with the loooong list. So sorry for the delay! But Happy new year!!

I just found this cool book and haven't reviewed any form here yet so here I am. I was intrigued by the title for the theme. Cool idea!

Wow! You have so poignantly expressed the polarity of the two events with the metaphor of sun, moon and star nature elements.
How creative.
As I read I could imagine the soul of a child ready to enter the world and was at first wondering about the negative "killing" part but I see the day comes and shades the moon, the symbol of coming hope to the world. with the note about your mom, it makes it even more powerful.
Life is always the hope of future even if death is approaching.

It must have been a bittersweet time being happy for coming child yet sorrow for mom's illness. Hard to express yet this poem speaks volumes and keeps the light of inspiration alive. I wonder if the the two connected on the astral level in the dream realm where all is one.

I like the style of three line verses and balanced form of the words. The gerunds work well in third lines and the verbs are potent choices. the change from "disant" to "drawing near" is an effective contrast at the end.

Thanks for sharing another of your inspirational personal experiences so eloquently. I admire your vulnerability.

Hi jIlu! I am back with the last review as part of your Solar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! I have so enjoyed reading many of your poems.

I chose this one as the title was intriguing, I like swords and I have just read up on shape poetry yesterday! This is truly amazing and I can apperciate the effort it takes to create these and to have them make sense. I will now be more inspired to try one I had not seen an example fo the sword though. Fantastic idea! LIke your sig too!

I ponder this as maetaphor for life! I like the idea of a sword that shines too. I read the poem and followed its logic and flow easily.
even without punctuation. Your line endings worked well. I ma not sure if one uses punctuation in this form .I will now have to go back and see! I don't recall any though in the examples I saw. Free flow rocks!

One query I had was about grammar tenses:
"thats been fought everyday" Should "thats" have an apostrophe and do you mean "that is being fought everyday' rather than "been fought everyday" The second sounds like the past tense.
At the end, You say "tomorrow a big battle begins' which is future but you end with present tense 'I win".
How do you know if you win as it has not happened yet. It may be "will win it." but may throw off you form. . Tough to do this so no worries! The message is clear.

The Sword is an stunning creation and I like the message of determination and hope. Hold your sword high and write on!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" 

Hi Alexi. I am back with another review as part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! Enjoy!

Wow! This poem is really powerful and I am impressed. You were really able to take me into the essence of the tragedy in a novel way.
I could really imagine the family' s life in three segments. Wonderful.

The metaphor or the book is brilliant and I marvelled at the vivid images and potent feeling evoked in the poem. Well done!

the free style suits the ocntent and the separation of the key lines from verses was emphatic and enhanced the significance and sadness of the message. Quite dramatic. It felt like the strange quiet when fate takes hand and you have not control. I have heard that when such a tragedy is happening folks panic or get still and wait in silence--a prayer.

Your single lines are very potent and evocative and I could dwell on the depth of meaning for a while. They are poems in themselves.

In the second last line : "To late.." should be "Too late". I notice the first and last verse have rhyme but the middle one does not. I think it is a free verse anyway but It was interesting to notice.

The originality and energy vibe of this peice is stellar.
Thank you so much for sharing your craft. A meaningful tribute to this event.

Keep the ink flowing and write on! Happy New year!

Hi Alexi! I am back with another review as part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! Enjoy and happy New Year!

I was intrigued by the unique title of this poem and I liked the sound of the words together. I am familair with seagulls and they are not always that quiet. The idea so suits the tone and aura of the poem.

The atmosphere and setting is well portrayed in this rather mournful piece. I like the view of nature as witness and a part of the man's mood. the seashore is a apt place for this kind of reflection--and the aftermath of a break up. The 4th lines spoke strongly to me: "seagulls hush nd marke the time" I want to dwell on that thought. Whew!

The word "mornings" needs to be the possessive "Morning's" if you mean one "morning's dawn". Nice image.

The free style suit the emotional theme and it flowed well. Your vocabulary had lovely sound qualities which added to the flow and made it pleasant to read aloud.

Leaving the query at the end leaves it open ended and truly gives the feeling of what he is going through --as he doesn't know the answer either.. The image of the man on knees shows his sorrow and repentance. The question shows there could be hope. I am ready for the rest of the story. LOL

Thanks for crafting this moving piece with its visual and emotional elements that make it realistic. Well done!

Keep the ink flowing and write on! Happy New year!

Hi alexi! This review is part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! Enjoy!

Wow! This poem is amazing and I love the shape of the tree. I admire your creation of the Etheree and it is an apt choice for the nature theme. The illustrative title says it all and feels romantic.

The poem follows the pattern and is pleasant to read and imagine the vivid images within the weave. Phrases like "waking green" and "kiss of rain and "parched breast" are potent and the personification of the relationship of these elements is well conceived.

The line endings were fine and the pauses in lines 5 and 6 added dramatic effect.
In the last line 'earths" needs to be "earth's" to show possession.

Marvelous creation that is truly a tribute to Mother Earth and her divinity.

Keep the ink flowing and write on! Happy New year!

H Marcia! This review is part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! Enjoy!

I like creating acrostics so I chose to peek at this one! It is a heartwarming tribute to your great neice and what a treasure for her to keep.

I like what you did with the coloured first letters and while acrostics generally line up on the left, your centering has an aesthetic appeal.
Along with the rainbow colours it emits an enthusuastic and fun vibe to the movement. A fine reflection of this young gal!

I read it aloud and was charmed by the positive and loving tone as you sing her praises and what she means to you. Adding details of the things she does with and for you gives us a greater appreciation for her as you see her. I like baby pool idea--how sweet! I did not notice anything out of sync!

It is interesting that you wrote it as if speaking to her rather than about her--lots of "what you are's" . It makes it like a letter to her and more personal.

This expression just rocks and is inspiring, evoking the query of how wonderful would it be if we all shared how special people are to us. Thanks for sharing your craft and a bit of your life with us. Nice to meet your neice too.

Keep the ink flowing and write on! Happy New year!

HI This review is part of yourSolar Packagefrom "Invalid Item" ! Enjoy!

What a vivid image you portray in these few words. It reminds me of japanese form with limited words that allow the reader to enter into the experience with his own point of view. I can add my own details as to type of bird, where it happened etc.

I am not familiar with this type of poem but you have the correct syllable count and the weave is coherent in its flow and meaning.
I like the line order of lines 3 and 4. It captured my attention.

I wondered why you have used a captial letter on "fledge" and "quietly" when they do not begin lines or are proper names. I like the contrast of the quiet bird to the singing mom. I wondered about using adverbs as I learned they are not as descriptive as more vivid words. Yet I do appreciate the sound of the word giving effect to the poem, and it fits your syllable count.
It was fun to consider whether you meant the fledge quietly sat, or the mum sang quietly. and the fledge sat. A comma might help clarify.

It is interesting that I saw the bird being quiet and content but in the last line he banishes his fear. If it is the mom who sings quietly and waiting for him to get moving... Wow. I am seeing lots of potentialities here. Cool.

The poem is appealing laid out on the page and I admire you for doing the form. It inspires me to tryit out!

Keep the ink flowing and write on! Happy New year!

Hi Beck! Here is another Secret Santa review from "Invalid Item"  ! Enjoy!

Oh my gosh! a Christmas song! I do enjoy parodies and this song has been a favourite. I often play with it with kids in class to help teach beat, rhythm etc. I have never seen it done with fishing though. So original and appealing. I may have to share it with some friends up here who love fishing.

I sang your version fairly easily though the "Rapala that's" seems one two many syllables so I wanted to drop "that's" ! Maybe I say it wrong though.

The 5 part was difficult to get to the tune depending on how you say the words. Other than that it was spot on. I have never heard of some of these items but I am sure they are necessary! I did recognize some of the baits. Were there any other items if you couldn't use baits twice?

I wonder if spacing between the verses would just give an easier read to the page.

Thanks for sharing yet another of your imaginative gifts! I have so enjoyed my visit in your port on behalf of SS!

I hope you liked you Secret santa gift!

"Invalid Item" 

Keep on following your muse and write on!

Hi Lena! Here is another Secret Santa review from "Invalid Item"  ! Enjoy! Santa's Reviewers are catching up at the shop so please excuse the delay.

Wow! What a lovely expression of the birth experience. It feels like a real account. I like that the narrator is telling the story to her baby as the process is happening. Good details and story is told in logical manner in a biographical manner. .

It is so precious that Grandma would sing happy birthday and Dad has prepped the lovely nursery.

I wondered why you would keep from screamng--I have heard it was all part of the release. "skin ripped" is vivid. Ow! I'd scream!

The structure is coherent and told from the past until the last paragraph where you come to the present after the birth. It did not stop the flow or enjoyment of the read. The feelings of the mother are evident and her hopes for her daughter strong.

If this is true account you could add details in a longer version. I know you were limited by number for the contest.

Thanks for sharing your gift.

Keep on following your muse and write on!

Hi Lena! Here is another Secret Santa review from "Invalid Item"  ! Enjoy! Santa's Reviewers are catching up at the shop so please excuse the delay.

I enjoyed your heart felt tribute to mothers and have to agree that they deserve a thankful love more often. You have really touched on many of the attributes of a good mother and it is a good reminder for the reader. I like the idea of her beinge a story teller, hugger, advisor, and how her love is unlimited even when scolding.

The open free style suits the poem and its emotional and detailed content. Beginning with queries insights our pondering and sets out your potently held premise that mother's are worth more than just token day. You back up your belief effectively and offer the plea to be thankful with I love you more often. The ending rocks: that mom is there for not just one day in our life. Something to consider.

I noticed a typo in line 8: "never to busy" needs to be "never too busy".

Thanks for sharing your tribute to mothers where your own gratitude and honour for your mom is evident. It would be interesting for you to do a writing about you as a mom now and if any different depths have occurred form your POV of a mom.

It is a sad thing that some many have not this same experience.

Keep on following your muse and write on!

Hi Lena. Here is another Secret Santa review from "Invalid Item"  ! Enjoy! Santa's Reviewers are catching up at the shop so please excuse the delay.

This is a beautiful and inspirational peom for your friend wher her guardian angel speaks though in sorrow one may forget or not hear.
It realates well all the ways an angel is helpful and a great reminder of how we are loved by the divine no matter what.

The tone is hopeful and consoling, which suits the intent of the poem.

I notice a typo with "can not" . It is all one word "cannot".

I wonder if you need to break into another verse at " You never talk to me" as the tone changes with the angel now expressing its sadness instead of comforting. and then again after "always will be".

I like the way the angel tries different ways to get the listener to hear.

This is such a heartfelt message and I am sure your friend would be comforted even now by it. It must have been terrible to lose a child--how does one comfort?

Thanks for sharing this tribute as it may well comfort others too.

Keep on following your muse and write on!

Hi Beck. Here is another Secret Santa review from "Invalid Item"  ! Enjoy! Santa's Reviewers are catching up at the shop so please excuse the delay.

Wow! This is so creative and fun to read. It is amazing how many soap titles you were able to weave inot this episode and make total sense! The theme of the story also fits the prompt and idea of soap operas. Brilliant.

I had to laugh out loud at first line--Dynasty and Dallas all in one scoop! I had to laugh at the mundane ending too. Good one!

The story is coherent and was easy to follow in three short acts. I think the dangers of high life is well portrayed in Ryan' s loss of self and addiction. The voice is consistent and I like how the story is narrated from sharing the past but ends in he present time. Nice transition!

In paragraph two I saw a typo: "when he calls" needs to be "his calls". The second sentences is a bit long and run on. Maybe break it up for ease.

This story was highly entertaining even with a darker theme. Happy endings are alway nice and reconciliation happens in soaps too..till the next crisis. Thanks for creating this with such dramatic vibe! It rocks!

Keep on following your muse and write on!

Happy New year!

Hi whiskerface. Here is another Secret Santa review from "Invalid Item"  ! Enjoy! Santa's Reviewers are catching up at the shop so please excuse the delay.

OMG! I love the idea of this poem. I had to laugh as I was reminded of my own cat hair issues. My cat was black and I tend to wear light clothes! LOL

The form feels like a mix of senryu/haiku with its syllables and lines. The contrast is from cat shedding to the comical last line! Also in the colour. Cool!
The image of the moment is vivid and one can enter in to the scene with one's own experiences of this issue and feel the vibe of the last line.
I can almost imagine the nuisance value yet the resignation!

You might need a comma for emphasis after "still".

I had fun with this poem! Thanks for sharing your crafting. I have really enjoyed my stay in your port!

Keep on following your muse and write on!


*santahata* I hope you have enjoyed your secret Santa gift!
"Invalid Item" 

Hi whiskerface. Here is another Secret Santa review gift from "Invalid Item"  ! Enjoy!

Wow! Evocative titIe and made me curious . You have a knack for titles to lure me in.

I like cats so I was happy to see this one get free. LOL You have in few words evoked to my mind the watchfulness of the swift cat who takes advantage of the window left open by a not so thoughtful human! I can imagine the cat's attitude and manner as it brings tomind my own cat, whom I had to watch carefully when ever I opened he door. He was not an outdoor cat but loved to get out there!

I liked your compostion with open ended phrasings more prevalent in this form. The images are clear and I could feel the speed in the second line. I enjoyed the sound and flow in the last line. I have heard that adverbs are not really descriptive or poetic so I wonder what else is possible with "swiftly"? Not vital, Just an idea. I do like the "w" and "f" letter themes here though. It adds to the drama and coherence.

Thanks for shairng this awesome model of senryu. I can relate to the cat when having to work indoors and seeing out the open window and the sun shining.....dreaming of escape.LOL tody it snowed! We have a green xmas which is really odd for this time of year. Guess we will start the new year right on track!

Keep on following your muse and write on! You have a gift for this.

H whiskerface. Here is another Secret Santa review gift from "Invalid Item"  ! Enjoy!

Here I am to enjoy more of your senryu. I was drawn to this title as it is a cool theme and I was curious to see your perspective. I really felt the gratitude vibe as I read and thought of how deep this idea is. I though of how we are all broken in some way but in that we can relate and perhaps heal others. Also I thought of how points of view about people vary. I do like when poem take me on a journey from my own perspective! .

The form is correct with the present tense and emotional references. I like the repeat of "They call" , I call" and the "b" words! in line 1 and 3 even though in short poem I have heard it is not good to repeat so close. Here I think it is effective. The last line provides an evocative contrast too. Well done.

I would not leave spaces between lines. I am not a pro but I wonder about the complete sentences in each line. I am still learning the ins and outs of the form.

The poem carries a potent message and gives pause for thought. I am seeing a happy ending!

Thanks for sharing your crafting. It rocks!

Keep on following your muse and write on!

Hi Lena . You are receiving Secret Santa review gift of 6 reviews from "Invalid Item"  ! Enjoy! Santa's Reviewers are catching up at the shop so please excuse the delay.

Wow! This is a beautiful dreamscape. Your descriptions are vivid and I could imagine myself there. The metaphor is effective and I like the " loud howl of hope"! Cool and lovely sound!

The prophetic positive outcome is an appealing message and keeps with the being connected to nature.

In line 4 "those that see hope" may be "those who see hope".

I wondered who SHE' was---who is fur covered? "Fur, covered in ice.. she travels, or is she covered in fur in snow" I see a wolf in minds' eye as you say the snow melts form her later. or is the dreamer as wolf, but as written the subject is vague. You speak of the forest, then the breeze and then fur It is common in dream writing. I do it too. LOL Something to think about clarifying. OR NOT. If I do not get logical with grammar, I can feel through the mist. And dream language and image is so personal..so no worries.

I so enjoyed this type of writing from the soul world especially with its inspirational tone. Thanks for listening and sharing from the heart. This rocks!

Keep on following your muse and write on!

HI Whiskerface. Congrats! You are receiving a Secret Santa review gift from "Invalid Item"  ! It includes 5 Poem reviews! Santa's Helpers are catching up with shop orders so please excuse the delay. Enjoy!

Hi, I so enjoy the japanese forms so I am so happy to read some of your wonderful creations! This title was so unique in theme for a senryu. I was intrigued.

I was captivated by the imagery right off and said WOW at the turning point at the end. Brilliant!! I can see this comparison. The online addict in his lair--or even in other world forgetting surroundings. I can see someone huddled online in the basement in a cool evening, earphones on in own little world.

The form is correct though I would drop the capital letters as see not many are usually used in japanese forms. The title is indicative of the theme for easy find and draws the reader--but I wonder if it gives too much away-directing the reader instead of allowing the reader to realise your metaphor on his own.

I enjoyed reading the verse aloud for its well chosen images and word choice that creates an effective soundscape.

Thanks for sharing your gifted vision in this evocative senryu. It just rocks!

Keep on following your muse and write on!

Hi Ken. I wanted to briefly respond to your entry in "12 Days of "Christmas"" !

This is such a precious poem reflecting on the memories carried by ornaments on trees, the scents and sounds of winter season and indeed even the music one hears now that triggers the back then. Very moving and inspiring.

Well penned verses are are a pleasure to read . I love the sentimental tone and the gifts made by children to put on the tree that are still treasures.

The song chosen for Soundtrackers is perfect, a joy to hear and the pentatonix group is one of my favs.

Thanks for this gift today!

eyestar

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Hi elle! This review is part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" !

I used to love letter writing and card sending and it is becoming a lost art in this day of computer ease. I enjoyed how you make it seem fun and a much more sensual experience by the vivid examples you give--the anticipation and the cup of tea!

What you say about facebook is also true--fast paced and lack detail and it never really feels personal or private. I have noted more folks will answer on facebook than a phone call or email!

Your tone is light and relaxed as you invite folks to consider writing a letter and make it easy to begin. I love different pens and paper too and it always made it interesting and fun to write . I would much rather write than type and Ihtink it involves more of the physical me than typing-- like you say the handwriting is unique and perhaps has a speech essence of its own.

It was fun to read your conversational style with variety of line lengths and dialogue like questions evoke responses. I could enter in to the play. I had to laugh at the comment about not liking your voice but family would still listen. ! I don't like my vocie yet when I hear it on tape it sounds like my sister or at times my mother. ew!! LOL As to handwriting--well--I suppose as long as the writer is not a doctor you could enjoy it. LOL

This article for the snail mail groups inspires me to want to write letters again. A bit of a boring tale of my life but.. I may indeed consider it.

Thanks for yet another spark igniting expression. Where do you find the time for all these neat activities? Wow!

eyestar
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HI Kiya! This review is part of your Nuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" !

Wow! It is so amazing how you can create such a meaningful and powerful message in the strict Fibonnacci Form.

The theme and perspective on Justice is well established and I felt the "accusatory eyes" and vibe and the stark sad truth of the last line. Each word in the last line is well chosen to fit the 13 count.

It had a fierce tone as I read it aloud and harsh sound words with "c", g, k, d " are effective in creating some drama. The emphatic dialogue in the first line sets the tone. "dark hue" is a nice change from "black" or dark skinned" . Maybe a comma after "demand".

Thanks for sharing this potent message that puts light on this issue. It is a shame we need reminding still.

Keep on being a beacon of light and write on!

eyestar
** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **