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Jen played guitar. Barbara did the talking.

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An ode to Mother Earth

READ A NEWBIE

Alfaz Jo khamoshi samjh na sake

“Yeh nazm un jazbaat par hai jo hum kehna to chahte hain, magar keh nahi paate. .”

Time and Mind

We talked about the timeflow in physics. It baffled me. Also no rhythm.

The Question of Why and How

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~Sojourn.

Embracing trials as catalysts for soul growth, inner transformation, and eternal freedom.

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Expired Invitation

The life leaves long before the end is nigh

Mother Earth

An ode to Mother Earth

I Get Carried Away

A tense situation: racketeers and a husband and wife detective team

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eyestar~*

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1201

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#4136353

Review of Silver Lining

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Welcome to WDC Miwli! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I was attracted to the lovely title on the Read A Newbie page. I so enjoyed the wonderful and unique weaving of your free style expression. It was pleasant to read aloud and flowed smoothly. The first line drew me in with its vivid image.

The tone is gentle and comforting in its message that the hurt passes and we learn from it. I really liked "in my sad and mindless ponder". The bits of inner rhyme add to the flow and potency.

Thanks for sharing this heartfelt poem.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1202

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#4135422

Review of The Snow

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Welcome to WDC DruidMoon Cat! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I found your lovely poem on the Read A Newbie page and to cool off I peeked in.
I really enjoyed the picture you paint of the magically silent snow falling! The line "even the darkest places" is a vivid contrast.

I noticed you began with "fell" a paste tense verb and then changed to present tense. it is customary to be consistent. You could tweak it easily by changing "fell" to "falls" and dropping "it falls" later on. Just an example. A typo on "fron the sky", should be "from".

It is interesting how you use "peaceful" as adjective when I expected an adverb. I wondered if there was a more vivid descriptor than the overused word "beautiful".

The vibe of the poem is gentle and has a positive effect with its cool comparisons like "tastes like sugar". Neat idea.

Thanks for sharing your lovely vision of snow!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1203

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14 days may be credited.

#4135195

Review of Dig

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

Hi! This title popped up on Random Reads page. I like the title as it made me curious.
The story is evocative and had a sense of mystery. You hooked me with the opening line though you say not what the treasure is. It had a good twist of horror at the end. The idea of the crack in the wall as dimensional is awesome. I liked the view of the boat which added another setting.

I was a bit confused as to who Kai was and when you say he kissed her again--I wondered when the first time was. I assume she has been around for a while as he knew the teacher too. So you lead me to believe she was a colleague who thought the digger deserved more credit--but then say she found him.
I wondered if Rand was present at this time as well as you began with him talking. later you say, he would be upset so I assume she is in the display room and see the items have been tampered with?

There is so much room here for us to enter into the story with our imagination.

The paranormal theme was exciting and I think you could expand this into a more detailed scene. wow!
I can't imagine writing short flash pieces so I admire your craft. Certainly had a shock at the end. Thanks for sharing your vision at WDC.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1204

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#4134652

Review of To Robin Williams

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HI WebWitch!

I am here with a review to celebrate you!

I couldn't resist this title dedicated to a true genius who followed his uniqueness. This is such a warm tribute to Robin and I like how you pulled in the natural element like the super moon as a symbol. How brilliant!

That the moon represents the reflection, the emotional, the unconscious and pulls of the tides of water, including that in all of us, makes it a moving and evocative choice. I like the idea of timing and it would take something powerful.

The poem was a pleasure to read with its easy rhyme and flow. Bringing in the notion of our own eventual journey to where he is, was a lovely touch as it made me think of the oneness and timeliness of all things.

Thanks for sharing your unique tribute to Robin, with its mystical and philosophical vibe.

Light on the path as you write on!!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1205

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14 days may be credited.

#4132943

Review of A Cup Full of Humble Fragrance

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HI JOY I am here with a review to celebrate you!

What a marvelous collection of stories! I was drawn tot he poetic title and then realized it was blog filled with potent, moving and heartfelt stories. No place to review them all so i will comment on my favs and give some pretty stars to your amazing crafting. I was very touched by many that I read.

You have a knack for making the story and character seem quite real to life. I was moved to tears in "Scotty"! It was so real. The monologue of the woman grieving her husband and the connection with the dog as healer was remarkable, realistic and so touching. I cried and could really feel this emotions through out the writing. It pays tribute to the gift and sensitivity of animals to pick up vibes and if we allow --to let them help us. I was glad she saw him as gift and now a co author. Wonderful way to end.

In "Gotcha" The father and daughter reconnecting at the end was lifelike and the last line where she said she was like him was potent to sum it up. You did a wonderful job with his tough guy mode and the changing point of view he came to, to come to terms with what happened. Inventive notion.

In "Dragon" I liked the fantasy element and the first line when he speaks about not dropping what you love--a hoe, as if he knew she loved gardening. You drew me in and held my attention with the interesting conversation and the very vivid description of the dragon. Good reference to "Charlie and Cf"! I loved when she hid the dragon sparkle behind her back. LOL The ending was excellent and a surprise twist for we who get it. He could be the dragon. LOL

You have whole worlds of entertainment here from sci-fi to angels, to dreams with vivid characters and inventive plots and even psychological and thought provoking idea. Really good reads. Thanks for sharing your vision in this sweet cup of tea!

I so enjoyed my visit.

Light on the path as you write on!!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1206

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14 days may be credited.

#4132912

Review of Someone is Afraid of Thunder

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hail Joy! I am here with a review to celebrate you!

Wow! I could so see this dog "rust..tresses" a golden or setter comes to mind, with its enthusiastic vibe not wanting to miss anything, like the fun to risk the storm. It is funny when he tries to out run it. The personification is well done and the images in the dog's imagination are clear. I smiled at her thinking he's miss the "e-flat major". LOL A dog would, of course, know her own pitch. the concept of "plotted torture" is brilliant and I have seen dogs cower in storms and it must seem that way to their sensitivity.

The free style suits the dramatic content and allows for musings that may defy form. The description of the walkway, ice and "maze" of branches is vivid and interesting that they become obstacles on her way back, un noticed on the way to the mail. As if fear makes it harder to get back. She was on a trail earlier and now the driveway.

One thing that threw me out at verse 4 a bit was I thought it was summer as I think of thunder storms then. When he hit the ice and snow I was thrown out and had to backtrack as I didn't expect it. Kinda like the dog. I guess I missed the idea of the "trail" in the previous verse, though it could have been through the woods.

You have portrayed the essence of the dog's fear of thunder in a vivid way. I like her eagerness.

Light on the path as you write on!!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1207

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14 days may be credited.

#4132902

Review of The Case of Aloft National Bank Robbery

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HI Joy! I am here with a review to celebrate you!

Hey, I found your interactive, I suppose as my mind is on out GOT interactive. LOL The theme is a good choice for a continuing story as many plots are possible. The title caught my eye with the word "Aloft" which I assume is a town. It is just unique.

The intro page gives the background facts and main premise, leaving it pretty open ended for folks o follow their own leads. It was a little plain looking--a little spruce up with colour would be nice.

This chapter sets up the main character and gives her a motivation for wanting to be involved in finding the robbers. In quick vivid way you show her background and what may be going on in the back of her mind as story progresses: the ring, insurance papers etc. You give a hint of her ex and a potential link for future chapter if she needs to confront him for the papers.

In short order and few lines, you present the setting, characters, problem and potential conflicts. Amazing.

It is fast paced and dialogue is purposeful in giving further clues to her past as ex-cop maybe. The other characters seem to know her well and the last warning gives us the idea that she won't take no.
I can really identify with Jessica as a strong character.

The next chapter leads you created are viable and could be interesting: the sweet talk, the suspicious something and I could see an old friend on the force asking her help.

I see all these leads were followed too. I hope this review maybe gives a little boost.

Light on the path as you write on!!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !
eyestar

1208

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#4132140

Review of The Last Unicorn

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hiya Andrew! I found a unicorn in your port so I couldn't resist a peek!

What a great idea for a flash story. I like the take off from the Unicorn song by the rovers, as I thought of it at the end. Well done!

The first line is a good hook as it made me curious to know what they see. You keep me in suspense as the conversation between the creatures goes on. I like the dialogue and the creatures you chose make perfect sense given the theme. They no longer exist and this gives a clue as to one reason why. Awesome. I liked the idea about needing "that" therapy.

The story flowed slowly and you describe clearly the ways each creature laughed and looked. You tend to use adverbs though when maybe more vivid adjectives or phrases would show what you mean better. eg. 'Uproariously" and "proudly". "obviously" is a bit redundant as you say what they are doing already. Also I don't think you need the word "some" after "subsided". There are only 3 creatures.

The dialogue was natural and purposeful and I had a picture so these three laughing and nodding their heads as they watched,, so sure they were correct, right down the the wyvern's last comment. The last line proved them wrong and I have to laugh.

Thanks for this flash back to the past!

Light on the path as you write on!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !

Eyestar
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1209

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#4129430

Review of Mermaid or Mirage?

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi alfcollier! I am happy to do a Surprise review with to celebrate you!

Wow! This is an amazing tale woven in a mythic type poem. The title appealed to me as I like Mermaids and it really summed up the essence of the poetic theme. Good choice.

It was a dramatic and exciting tale that was fun to read aloud as I did to a child I was looking after today. The images were captivating and portrayed the storm at sea and the sailor's rescue vividly with lots of active verbs and vocabulary that built the the thematic atmosphere.

Well chosen and interesting words for the consistent rhyme scheme assisted the flow and you did a fabulous job have all the end words for each verb rhyme the same. That is a feat! Also you did not use too many "and"s as connectors, which in longer poems I have seen. Yo have two close together at the end though. The second one could be changed to "letting" instead as the first one totally makes a point.

The rhythm flowed smoothly and was pleasant to read. Impressive as I only noticed two places where the syllables were 13 instead of 14.
eg. verse 6, line 3 has 13 but is missing a word "him" I think.
eg. verse 11, line 2 only counts 13.

The poem was filled with detail and I could imagine the boat and the ripped sails. The story was coherent and the idea presented to get us to question the truth of mermaid lore as she did look after the sailor...yet....left.

The emotional tone of the shipmates and the sailor was potent as well. I felt for the sailor in his long life sorrow and make a connection to the lasting effect of mermaid love. I like how you had him continue to tell the story even though others disbelieved. You leave it to us to decide as the question in your title evoked.

Thank you sharing this indepth vision and eloquent composition. I enjoyed the journey. You have a gift.

Light on the path as you write on!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !

Eyestar
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1210

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#4129194

Review of Sale Pending

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Welcome to WDC M. Deeds Barry! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!

What a delightful theme for a poem! It has an interesting title too.

I was charmed by the loving tone and effective personification of the house. Unique concept for describing the perfect family home. The use of the present tense makes it immediate and the imagery is vivid. I loved the "cap" and "cosmetics" and the comparison to a body. Verse 3 is my favourite as it has some lovely sound combinations and evoked as sense of fun and warmth.

The free flow style suits the emotional content and theme and It was pleasant to read aloud. The repetitions worked well and kept bringing our attention to the desire and the idea that it is there and the speaker will find it. The verses seem balanced and coherently flow until the ending verse.

The last verse with its sadder thought was moving and gives us the impression that the houses want to be filled so the speaker will find one. It gives strength to the hope. Having the verse shorter works here.
The punctuation assisted the read and gave a sense of where to pause in the free flow.

I was a bit confused by the "and" in "and joining" in verse 1. Is it needed? Plus too many "and"s can be like run on lines, weaker connections.

The vibration in the weaving comes across potently and it was so warm and and the image of the house is charming. I like the "swings...honeybells" line. Beautiful!

Thank you for sharing your vision and your fine crafting with us. Keep on following your muse.

Light on the path as you write on!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !

Eyestar
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

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1211

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#4128466

Review of Stampede

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HI Fyn! I am so enjoying revisting your port with its fab collection of poems. I admire your word wizardry.

The title rocks and what a unique yet logical title for this interesting piece, which looks to be based on a true event? Sounds real anyway.

I felt so happy when people wanted to save the old fashioned merry go-round as a historical landmark. It must have been something to witness. The pictures are beautiful and add to the story you tell.

The first verse makes the carousel glow and come alive with with active verbs like "burst" and "gyre". Your descriptions is vivid and sets the place and time. I bet the horses were lovely works of art.

The imagery and language of a stampede is carried through the whole poem. Brilliant!
Comparing the crowd coming to a wave on the beach is precious too as it fits in with the local and the fact that the carousel had held its own against worse storms. The descriptions of the crowd circles and horses were vivid and I could get a sense of the energy gathering to protect this source of so many memories. The collective and the showing the pride of the New Englanders was well shown and reminiscent of old towns in the past. Protecting their territory from outsiders! The tone was potent as well.

Free rein style suited the movement and flow of this poem and the alignment on the page was appealing and each verse had a different feel that fit the theme of each. Where the horses were felt fast pace and the tight weave mimicked solidarity. Good job.

The last lines lines felt profound:"between the condos and the sea". Gives me pause to ponder. A happy ending.

Thanks for sharing this unique expression in honour of this magic of old.

Light on the path as you write on!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1212

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#4128438

Review of Excedrine Headache 415

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hail Fyn! I hope you are enjoying your port raid!

I don't get migranes but I have friend's who do and you create a potent image of what that looks and feels like. Wow! The words and images you use are vivid and effective to emulate what happens in your head. "drums" "steel" yikes.

The free flow suits the theme and emotional content and I liked reading it aloud. You word choice created some vibrant soundscapes: "Metallic..steel" and verse 3 was amazing for that. Wow! Brilliant image is "nausea tsunamis". It just sounds so appealing yet the experience is not. I can't stand headaches of nausea so I can't imagine them together.
I learned a new word too. "mouldered" I had to go look it up as I knew "mouldy". That is an explicit image too. ew! Messy.

After following you in the trauma of a migraine I then go to laugh at the end when you give a cause! LOL That might just be enough stress to cause it. Nice twist out of the physical experience to a rational tone and message. Well done. I could almost feel the plunk to the floor at the end.

The title bears the theme and the hint that this is not the first headache but that this one require something stronger than aspirin. Preparing us was a good idea. I hope you don't really count. I notice that the title on the page itself has a typo. You added a "d" to headache.

Truly you are a word wizard when you can so vividly describe a migraine and make it poetic! Thanks for sharing.

Light on the path as you write on!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !
Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1213

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14 days may be credited.

#4128419

Review of 4th of July

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hail Fyn!I am happy to do a review to celebrate you.

I love haiku and this sounded like fun. I wonder if it is better named a senryu as it involves people and holidays rather than just an image in nature. It is a fabulous creation full of colour and vibrancy on the page, which adds to the atmosphere. The ancient haikuists might frown as the idea of haiku was to let the image present the naked vision and allow people to read into it. But this is celebratory for this age and theme.

The format is well composed and the images strong. I can picture the scene clearly and really like the image of the "patchwork" "embroidered". Brilliant. The enjambment works well here for drama. Active verbs like "erupt" and "quilt" add potency to the image.

traditional haiku uses minimum punctuation and few capitals so I would have not used periods and capitals except for the name. I was confused about the colon in the second verse as I thought line 2 flowed naturally into the third line. It made me stop and reread.

The tone is celebratory and the reader can get caught up in the magic.

As a haiku/senryu it follows the form but tends to use sentence type lines instead of short phrases where the reader can read between the lines. In that it is not traditional--oh how shall I rate it? lol

I really enjoyed the flare and flavour of the poem. You drew me in and gave tribute in a energetic way the the holiday. Very creative and well conceived expression. Unique senryu.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft!

Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on!
eyestar

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1214

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14 days may be credited.

#4128312

Review of a very Wodehouse challenge

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hiya kiya! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you once more!
I hope you are enjoying your port raid as we delve.

This is an intriguing title and I have seen it often advertised so I know it is popular. Easy to see why! Wow! Phenominal Game page in all its complexity. You have a genius for these multi level activities that blows my mind.
The link to the title name was useful to fill in some background on where this comes from.

The introduction is inviting and sets your intent and possible incentives. The concept of leaving the comfort zone, discovering more of WDC and having fun learning is brilliant goal for an activity. I had no idea. I thought it was about writing a certain genre. I see by the challenges that there is a lovely variety of challenges like research, writing, note scribbles, etc.! Cool. I may have to try it sometime.

The game page is stunning in its organization and visual appeal. The spacing really adds to the page making it easy on the eye and not so tightly woven. There is a lot going on here and one could get lost if it was mushed closer together. I might have run away as if it looks complicated visually, I imagine it is.

The mini section headers are effective and keep with the theme and the stylized glyph letters are elegant. The rules, though many, are neatly and clearly stated with bits of colour to accentuate. Centering is appealing and using questions to present rules is unique and interesting. The tone is enthusiastic and inviting.

The names of the characters are fun and their glyphs are humourous. Hiding the individual challenges in dropnotes is wise for mystery and to keep the page shorter.

I liked the idea of thoroughness as a rule as I see some of the challenges could be easily met with just "a lick and promise" as they say. It keeps things fair and encourages expansion of skill and thought in meeting the challenge, even a simple one. It promotes doing your best, being your best--not just for the But the is yummy and generous too.

I am so glad I had the chance to delve into this outstanding creative endeavour that promotes community and individuals to challenge themselves to expand and have fun as well. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. You are a !

Light on the path as you write on!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !

Eyestar
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

1215

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#4128293

Review of Kiya's Big Book of Writing Guidelines

for entry "Shifts"

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hail Kiya! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!

Wow! This article is amazing and a convenient, helpful resources for any writer, either as reminder or new information on grammar shifts. Quite comprehensive and detailed with illustrative examples of each type of shift in tense. I learned quite a bit from having it clearly stated. I usually know what sounds right as I learned somewhere in time. The section on shifts in mood and voice interested me as there are some tricky areas when I write with these.

The theme of your article is so relevant and the presentation is well structured and easy to read. I am glad you defined "shifts" at the start as I was not quite sure what they were. Now clear! LOL The page is organized with subheadings for each type of shift as in voice, mood, verb tenses(good choice} and examples of each one with key words underlined or coloured.
The page is appealing visually and I could easily scroll down and connect with the section of interest. Colour assisted with this.

The writing is narrative and factual and was easy to follow. The placing of a mistaken usage with possible clear ones is really helpful as when I read I can hear or see the difference. Side by side gives a clear aural comparative.

I did not notice any glitches in your writing. I really admire the time and patience you took to write and describe these terms so concisely with detail and so we could understand. It takes skill to do that with these complex ideas. Thank you for this superb contribution to the WDC. This is going on my favs list for reference and to pass on.

Light on the path as you write on!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1216

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14 days may be credited.

#4127892

Review of Mary had a bunch of littles

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hail Wordsmitty! It is so much fun to raid your port! Getting to know you...

I found little ditty emulating the old nursery rhyme and I had to laugh and the title. Not saying what little things she has evokes curiosity and I had to peek inside. The lamb must be there too.

this is so precious and I'd love to read it to some kids I know. Adding other animals fits with the original tale and makes it more interesting as we watch the antics of the animals and play a counting game at the end. It certainly has an educational as well as entertaining purpose.

The descriptions of the animals and their movements were vivid and all suited the barnyard theme. Giving the animals names made it feel like they were really pets much as the original lamb was. I could see how pictures could be added to this: eg"turkey trot", and "maroon feathered" is original description.

The flow was natural in the sing song way mimicking the original tune and the rhymes were consistent and well chosen. Children could easily match them.
It doesn't seem to match totally the original rhythm and rhyme as it doesn't have the repeated bit. It was pleasant to read a poem rendition with its detail. Lines 4 and 6 were the only two that felt out of step to me but the image was so vivid and fun in these longer lines.

Thanks for the link to the real poem too.

This was a cool idea and an impressive creative response to the prompt, well deserving of its ribbon! Have you shared it with children? I'll be they could have fun playing here. I had fun! It is giving me ideas too.

Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on!
eyestar

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1217

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4127549

Review of Don't Let the Dance Go Unnoticed

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hail Fyn! I hope you are enjoying your port raid in celebration of you!

Wow! I was captivated by this evocative title: a call to observe and not miss out. It reminded me of the song words: "I hope You dance"! and I love that song. I see the idea in the poem bears out the title's imperative in a unique way.

The vivid image you paint here is one people will miss if they are not observing or being present in the moment as nature shares its magic. It answers the question that might be prompted by the title: what dance? or what will I miss? Well done.

You wove this personification of clouds with detail and words that convey a ball room type atmosphere, which suits the miraculous dance of nature. The metaphor is effective and gives visual and sound effects. Alliterative bits about wind and skies assist the flow and remind me of dancing notes flowing together.

The free style works to allow for the free movement of lines. The short one word line is effective as it gives space for the dance. Interesting how you show us at the start the clouds waltz in a metaphor and then in the last lines you tell us directly. Odd.
Bolded letters may mean you had to use prompt words so you need the last words. Might be interesting effect to keep to the metaphor and rearrange without last line, sometime for fun.
But I do like the effect and idea of "the clouds danced".

I might drop the "and" and add a period after "skies." Make it a sentence on its own for the balance.

I enjoyed the entering into the reverie and watching what you see. Lovely personification and imagery. So keep noticing the dance around you and maybe...this will start a trend.

Light on the path as you write on!
Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **

1218

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14 days may be credited.

#4127529

Review of Fracturization

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi fyn! I am back again a review with to celebrate you! Having Fun yet?

Oh my gosh! This is fabulous and you expound your frustration with clarity and energy! The theme is so relevant and your examples are so true! I liked you reference to spell checkers not catching these errors even when you checked this poem, which does have them. I had to laugh as you made this point. People do tend to rely on them.

I was attracted to the unique title and now I see the relevance of it in terms of language. I think it applies to an art too.

It is amazing how you created a poetic expression using these examples of poor English. It is coherent and has a consistent rhyme scheme with interesting words like "drum" with "thrum", "percussion" with "discussion", and "berserk" with "work".
It is impressive how you wove the bad English words with its corrected version! It makes it a teaching for those who will read it and ....take it to heart.
Good way to strike the chord!

The form has not an even rhythm everywhere but it's flow reflects the drama and emotion of the rant and the rhyme tie it together. It was fun to read aloud and get the 'impact" of the message. I grinned at "what flew is a fly". and the "cross I bear". LOL Oh, such common mistakes can drive you "nuts." The line about memorize strikes me too--half the time the kids don't even do that for multiplying anymore, let alone language. Now you will get me started on a rant--schools! LOL

This is a great avenue for letting off steam and yet provide illustrations and teachings at the same time. Brilliant concept and construct with potent vibe.
Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. I am sure some of us can relate to your vibe!

Light on the path as you write on!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1219

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14 days may be credited.

#4127324

Review of Hummingbird

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hail Fyn! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you on behalf of the House Martell in the"King's Landing updating " .

I love hummingbirds and held one in my hand once so this is an appealing theme. These tiny bright birds seem magical!

Wow! This is an evocative tribute to the hummingbird. The image you create is so vivid that I can see him at the feeder. Your words are well chosen to reveal the action of the birds as they eat. I liked how the words reflect the idea of being still and the rhyme connection of "maintaining" and "sustain".
The words in second and third verse have strong long sounds that seem to mimic the holding still.
The enjambment "as" is well done as it gives the potency to the "he" in the next line.

The word "blurred" so describes the wings as the do flutter so fast and never really at rest. The 4th line use of "he of" combined with the 6 gives the impression of a royalty or divine quality. It does indeed suit this unique bird.

I wondered at the colon after "lifeblood" as the next line refers to it. Wouldn't a comma work,especially as the last line completes the "lifeblood" line. Line 6 is like a phrase..maybe it needs a comma too.
Just a thought that struck me.

The presentation on the page and bold font sets off the theme and is appealing.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. You so captured the essence and picture of this quick flitting bird. I enjoyed the moment.

Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on!
eyestar

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1220

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14 days may be credited.

#4127241

Review of Daily Flash 5: Potion Power

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Happy 9th Smee! I am back with another review to celebrate you!

I am really enjoying your flashes!

This story struck me as funny and I laughed out loud. The image of the warlock swinging Boris is priceless and dramatic. The whole concept of the blunder and trying to evade notice is so creative and the flow of the ideas is logical. The dialogue is well written, energetic and serves to give vital details for the potion making. It is so funny how the warlock basically invents the rationale himself.

The expression of each character is vivid as well.( I like the contrast of the overexcited and the struck dumb.)

You made me really want Boris to get credit for once and I felt his let down in the end. The last line said it all.

The first line hooked me and the image that followed set the high vibe for the scene. The potion ingredient seemed so outrageous I had to laugh. The language flowed at a quick pace and I was not thrown out of the story at any point. I enjoyed the alliterative quality of some of your lines, eg. "Yes the silver essence...viscosity" etc. How effective a soundscape that adds interest and to the flow.

"Another day survived." did strike me as odd on further study.

You have a real gift for Flash episodes. This is truly entertaining and comical even while the characters are so serious about the matter. Brilliant.

Light on the path as you write on!!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1221

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14 days may be credited.

#4127157

Review of Daily Flash 6 : Drums

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HI Smee! I am here with a review to celebrate you!

I was drawn by the title of this flash as I like drums and thought of all their uses. I was curious to see how they'd relate to the prompt in your tag line.

The first line is a good opening as it incites my curiosity as to what he knew. I liked the short, abrupt effect too.

I wondered about the "alarms drums" as it seems to be two nouns. Did you mean "alarm drums" or "alarm's drums" or just a typo?

I am not sure he would "reluctantly" get out of bed if he knew what the alarm meant and he had a wish to fight!" Plus adverbs are not as effective descriptors.

I know it meant he didn't want to get out in cold and leave his dream. But he did jump up and might not have slowed down as he got up. maybe. It does tie back to what you say in the end. Maybe, "with a sigh, he.." would give that impression.

"his small clothes" sounded odd to me.

The story flows in a coherent manner with a sentence variety and a slower pace than I would have expected for the intensity of what will come. Yet is does reflect the idea of the slow movement of the main character in this moment, caught out of inspiring dream, caught in embarrassment, between his wish and what he has to do.

I really enjoyed the conversation and encounter with his warrior mom. I could so imagine the tone and scenario. I liked the bit of accent in the dialogue and it gives hints to the time and place. She is one fierce woman. The description of the outfits and putting on the armour was vivid. The threat of punishment was a good show. I am sure it was empty but folks do use these warnings. or maybe..those times...

LOL

The point where he stands still is a creative and perfect response to your prompt and I had to laugh. It was so true to what might happen when mom walks in. All of his concerns meet at this point and this is the most troublesome.

I liked the end where he shows his acceptance of his job and knows that one day he will be grown enough to have his dream. Good portrait of a teen!

I had fun reading this fantasy moment in time. The title indicates the motivation for the action, both at the beginning and the end. Good ploy.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft.

Light on the path as you write on!!

eyestar

1222

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14 days may be credited.

#4126852

Review of Daily Flash 3 : Woodland play

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HI Smee! I am here with a review to celebrate you!

What a great theme for a story. I could really imagine this summertime fun and the relationship between the two brothers is so realistic. Your descriptions of the weather, setting and swinging are very vivid and detailed. It maed me feel like I was there and that the author has experience with this fun.

The opening line drew me in with it's intensity and immediate action. The dialogue was natural and served its purpose. I enjoyed words like 'looped", "glinted', "splintering" "crack", "daring arc" that added to the picture making. "in emphasis of his protest" seems wordy. I would just say "in protest".

The pargraphs made sense and I enjoyed reading your sentence weaving. The language flowed smoothly and only this line threw me off a bit. eg ." equally ignoring the pleas of the annoying youngster Simon insisted join them.' I got lost in what it meant as it was awkward in its composition to me.

You need punctuation after "so mean".

The contrast between the fun of the boys and the whiny bother was potent and then to add the twist at the end added more drama. The brother might be happy now he didn't have a turn. LOL The build up to the event was intense with the amazing detail in the last paragraph.

The last line added shock yet made me smile too. I felt the freedom of it, which refelcted the theme of daring, summer fun. You let us imagine the landing. Good hook into our response.

Thanks for sharing this entertaining episode and your craft!

i had fun.

Light on the path as you write on!!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1223

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4125820

Review of Lost Without You

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HI sum1! I am here with a review to celebrate you!

Wow! This is a lovely lament with a bit of a twist at the end, which is unexpected so I had to smile. I got the idea about needing that time alone to pour it all out and then ..a kind of light comes.

It is written like a love poem, yet a prayer by a guy lost without his love and the emotional vibe is potent. I like the repeated song like verse in the quotes. It is like a chorus calling.

The structure is free style and I didn't notice a definite rhythm but the rhyme was consistent and added to the flow. The description of the speaker and setting is vivid and the language suits the theme of a pleading prayer. The seeking for comfort and direction has a spiritual tone and it is interesting how one can make that connection with the muse.
The Source is within and above and stems from love---.

I enjoyed reading it aloud. The first verse, which felt like a chorus, flowed like a song and the second part slowed a bit in the 4th line as it was longer, lost some of the pacing. eg>"join me..."
Overall it was pleasant to read and I did notice changes in verse lines, so while the flow was good in verses, some verses had different flows. It did not affect the meaning or power of the message.

The last line is so appealing and sums up simply.

I appreciate the effort that went in to composing this heartfelt plaintive poem. The theme is one we can all relate to and gives hope.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft.

Light on the path as you write on!!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1224

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14 days may be credited.

#4125721

Review of The Raven and The Dagger

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hail Fran! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you on your birthday.

The title is so potent in sound and evocation. Ravens and daggers..who can resist? The item has dark dangerous air about it before I even read it. Curious, I entered in!

It doesn't disappoint if seeking death and spooky! I enjoyed reading it aloud with its intense soundscape. The rhymes with "ashes" and "crows" brilliantly serve the imagery, tone and build the atmosphere vividly. Excellent choice.

The images for coming of Hallowe'en , the dark storm, the imagination that flourishes as time draws near, is portrayed with fierce vibe and inventive notions. I was caught in the embrace of its power. Ravens are perfect symbol to evoke the secretive dark messages--as they do communicate with each other and are brilliant masters.

The form is well composed and it really is effective choice for this theme. The repetition builds suspense and tries to evoke fear in the mid of the listener. I can see the picture on the hill at night-or a graveyard...again I like when the reader can take part and imagine more details, perhaps engaging his own experiences. Well done!

Thanks for sharing this creepy poem in all its shivering potency.

Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on!
eyestar

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1225

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4125718

Review of What Is Sum1 Up To Today?

Review by eyestar~*

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HI sum1! I am back here with a review to celebrate you!

I so enjoyed your movie blog that I came to check this travel one out. I see you were in Barrie, which is in my province about 5 hours away.

Glad you enjoyed the food! LOL I have not been there in awhile but know some folks there.

This is such a great way to celebrate your experiences and as you travel for work, it must be a lovely creative outlook. You have an engaging style and and the short entries are filled with details as we learn where you go, your impressions and highlights. I love how you always mention food--as it would be good to know where he good stuff is in a new place. The Shrimp place sounds good and the Goat cheese and roasted garlic..yum! I may take a trip to Barrie!

The photos add colour and realism to the blog entries--sioux falls photo is gorgeous. Brave you for going out to get in it in the cold!

The pieces are interesting and a good mix of fact and your impressions, opinions and notions that come to yo as a result of travel. It is a lovely record of your work as well and how you make it fun in spite of glitches. This might make a good book some day--your memoires. or Travel log for the travel for work and make it fun crowd!

I really enjoy tuning into your episodes and getting to know a bit about who and where sum1 is! *startruck* Thanks for sharing YOU so openly.

Light on the path as you write on!!

eyestar

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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