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1176
1176
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Fairyr**Balloonp* Hiya Thing! I could not resist reading this as it has a theme that is extremely valueable and good to have as a reference. I have done a few product reviews, so few, that when I went to do one a few weeks ago, I totally forgot the hows! LOL I am sure new folks may not have a clue either.

*Fairyr*I like how you begin and give evidence of your qualifications--I am impressed, 600 PR's! *Salute* I didn't know you could do movies and CD's too.

Your article makes is easy to see the simple step by step procedure, which appeals to me. *Thumbsup* I followed right along with no difficulty. I can't wait to do do one now that my mind has been refreshed!

Showing where to go and How to link is useful too as the bitem link is different. Even telling about The confusion of AISN and IBSN gives us a head's up too. it can be confusing and cause one to give up! *Wink*

The illustrative example gives a lovely visual for the end product too.*Star*

The link to kiya's item is interesting too as it may not be well known. Super!

Thanks for sharing your expertise and enthusiasm in this practical contribution to WDC. You rock! *Starstruck*

eyestar
WOMAN IN WHITE SP SIG
"All About Birthdays Free for all!" 
Happy Birthday WDC! *Balloong*


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1177
1177
Review of Death  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC ShawnaHamm! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I noticed the dark title on the Read a Newbie page and was intrigued by the tag line! What a cool concept to have Death' point of vision. It made me curious to read on!*Thumbsup*

Wow! This is eery and I could picture Death as a person doing his job and not always liking it. It is so unexpected that Death would find the night sounds "creepy"! Cool idea!

The free style of writing suits the theme and content as it gives room to tell the story in a poem form. The rhyming is good though there are a couple of places where it is off:
"deed" and "knee"? "die" and "choice"? *Wink*
I also notice verse 3 is longer than the other verses which have 4 lines.

I like the vivid imagery you use and that I can hear his voice as he speaks. Line 3 in verse 2 and line 4 in verse 4 are so telling in creating his inner feelings. *Star*

I wondered what the "familiar pain" in the knee meant. Why is it familiar?

I wondered about maybe adding a period after "grimace" for effect, as the next line is a question by itself.

Does "insides" need to be "from inside" in verse 3? *Wink* For flow I wanted to remove the word "just" from line 4 verse 1. I don't think it is needed.

Overall the creativity and inventive ideas, showing of character and potent tone is so effective! I really enjoyed your vision in this evocative piece. *Starstruck* It is worthy of a bit of tweaking. Take what makes sense and death to the rest. Thank you so much for writing and sharing and allowing me to poke around in your weaving. *Smile*

Light on the path as you write on!
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1178
1178
Review of Horse Trailer  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Horse* Welcome to WDC Cowgirl! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Delight*

Your title caught my eye on the Read a Newbie page as I like horses and often stop by a farm nearby to watch them. *Smile* I have friends who ride and some of the sentiment you share here is what they and their horse experience as well. Distance and winter play havoc with riding and being together.

Your voice is clear in tone of longing and appreciation for the time you spend with the horse.
Your rhyme scheme is consistent and well accomplished in balanced verses. The rhythm was not always even and might be tweaked for a smoother flow in some lines like the second verse last line and line one in the last verse seems to repeat.

I was confused in the last verse as you say in the first line "you are gone" yet later you say Now I see the trailer leaving". Maybe drop "you are gone". Not sure you need the word "Hopefully" as the tone in the last line gives that feeling of hope.

I like that you are talking to the horse in most of the poem. To begin with the same voice you might change "him" to "you" in line two. the next line confused me too. "the first time seen..again" Maybe something like " it's been so long since I've seen you , my friend."
If you keep it clear you are talking to the horse from the start, it is consistent and you won't need the quote marks in the two verses. I thought at first the horse was speaking too.

My favourite verse is number 4 for its flow and vivid imagery!

I enjoyed reading this tribute to your relationship with your horse. It has potent emotional vibe which shows how important he is to you.*Starstruck* Well worth a tweak!

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1179
Review of Today Is.........  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Marvelgirl26! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Delight*


*Fairyl* I found this title on the Read A Newbie page and was intrigued by the tag line about what days represent. It is a unique concept for an article and it was fun to find that this one was all about August 12.-today. You might want to put the date in the article itself as well for those who read it later on. *Wink*

*Books1* This is fascinating info. I had no idea there was a Middle child or any child day! Cool! I knew about Youth Day but who would think of a vinyl record day? I still have some hanging around here but the old turntable needle is done for! *Laugh* "childs" needs to be "child's day" to show possessive.

*Fairyr* It was easy to follow your writing and it was well organized and researched. I especially liked the paragraph on middle child day as it had an expressive tone that appealed to me. You really make a case for the middle child brilliantly! I have heard of this syndrome and if truth be known each role in the family could have a case too. LOL I am the oldest and it was not much fun. My middle sisters seemed to have a lot of fun. They had their issues too. Interesting study.

*Star* I enjoyed how you gave the facts and then give a little incentive or direction to us on how to celebrate. Your language and style fit the theme and intent of the article. I would just add the title to the page and an introduction line with the date to which you refer.

Thanks for sharing this cool information. It was fun to read. *Smile*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1180
1180
Review of Writer  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Lani! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Candleo* I like cinquains and Jane Austen so it is cool that you put them together. It is a unique theme for the form. *Thumbsup*

*Candlev*The poem captures her essence and line 4 is eloquent and well conceived.
Lines 1 and 5 move from vague to specific in a relevant way! Your descriptors fit the author as well. I liked the idea of "scribbling" and "skewered" is brilliant.*Smile*

*Candler* I wondered about the words in line 2 as I felt the meaning vibe of both words were similar. They work for the topic. I just thought that perhaps a descriptive with a differing quality might add some value. Just a thought. I don't know which I would change though. *Wink*

*Candleg* Thanks for sharing this tribute to Jane Austen in an unexpected manner. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

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1181
1181
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Joanna. I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

I liked the title "Quiet Thunder" for its evocative vibe. Your short piece has that kind of feel as well. Wow!

You have woven a dramatic episode with such clarity and intensity! the short lines and phrases really work to reveal an emotional experience and how slow moments can pass. The active verb "creeps" is vivid in the personification of time. *Thumbsup* You really showed that she did still have hope of his return in that short line.."yes,,But.."

The contrast of the first leaving and the second---really hits home of how worse things can get. The evocative ending is potent and leaves us in shock as she is. *Thumbsup*

Stunning short story! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

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1182
1182
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Balloony*Welcome to WDC AuthorS! *Delight* I am happy to review to celebrate you and share my perspective as a reader. *Bookopen*

Wow! I enjoyed how you portrayed this world slowly weaving it through the thoughts and observations of the character and narrator. You have painted a clear picture of Maurice and his concerns, background, emotional stress and his importance in the story.

The dialogue between he and his advisor was lively and had purpose in revealing character, interrelationship and key elements of the story. It added drama and brought the characters to life. The pucntuation in dialogue was handled well so it was easy to follow who was speaking. *Thumbsup*
The bit of suspicion about the advisor gives us a clue combined with the king's dream that something may be amiss that will cause issues later. A good reason to read on!

You have some lovely vivid descriptions of the palace and even the cup and gave a clear view of the setting and background of the falling kingdom. One flaw I did notice was a mix up of tenses, especially at the beginning--in the past and yet you sometimes used the present tense. Look at the first and second paragraphs for example. It became more past as you moved on in the story. *Wink* So you might want to edit for that. I think you need a comma after "palace, finely" to connect the phrase "Finely" that hangs by itself.

Also I fell out of the time period when you used today's common swear words. I pondered whether they would have used them then, but it is a fictional place. *Wink* I would also weed out adverbs as I understand they are not popular way to describe nowadays. More active vivid showing words are favoured. eg. "angrily" how would we know he was angry? There are places where you do show what he is feeling. It is more vivid and interesting.

You did a good job of introducing the place and time and set up the problem in the realm and main character and give reference to potential players in the drama later.

I am sure a good edit will find glitches as you rewrite and tweak you work, but it is well worth the effort. I think it is a good start for an intriguing tale to come.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft! *Starstruck*
Remember to change the rating or the few words. *Wink*

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
eyestar


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1183
1183
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Pristine Poetic! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I found this lovely title on the Read A Newbie page, a perfect tribute for Mother's Day.

The poem expresses heartfelt gratitude and praise for a mother in a free form verse. It is appealing to read with its steady rhyme and vital examples of how a mother loves.*Heart*
The first line speaks a truth and the word "convey" is interesting rhyme word. The idea of love as a "work of art" is brilliant and evocative. *Thumbsup*

The rhythm and line length are not even in the poem but is does not take from the message and loving vibe. Line 7 could perhaps be shorter to jive with the others. The message is vital though. *Smile*
In line 10 I wondered: "your number one what?" Did you mean "in compassion, you're number one"?*Confused*
I liked the repeat of "grows and grows" yet it is off rhyme with "bestow".

This is a fitting tribute to your mom and in this case the sentiment is the important thing.
Well said! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1184
1184
Review of Chelsea and Duane  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Cheri! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

Oh wow! this was an appealing read and I couldn't stop to the end.*Salute* I like western themes and you had the Duane characters very vividly portrayed through language and action. I like a bit of romance too and this element was revealed strongly in the early stages of their meeting and at the end. Even without all the steps in between you were able to convince me of the lasting quality of their love. It brought me to tears!

The opening paragraph hooked my attention with the theme of a hospital vigil and you bring me back to that moment in time smoothly after a side glance to the past. His reverie is vivid and relevant to his situation now. One does look to the past at these times, trying to capture and honour what is lost and find gratitude. The flashback was well done and italics highlighted it. The part of their history you chose was effective as well as it focused on his view of her that will tie in with the beginning and end scene where we also focus on his reactions. *Thumbsup*

You wove description of the man, his relationships at work and his connection with Chelsea in a moving way and I could easily enter in to the vision. Dialogues were natural and served to show character and reveal emotion as with the boys. I loved the typical cowboy answer: "I'll keep breathing, jest don't ask me to be ok!" The "signing" communication was so endearing. For all his toughness when we met him, you show his softer side.

I am impressed withe how well you show the story rather than tell especially in your descriptions of the reactions in the hospital scenes. Well done.

Should it be "the son he and Chelsea had' rather than "him". This was the only paragraph that I wondered about as I am not really good at story writing. Is it from Jimmy's POV--the word "mom" set me thinking it. If you had said "Chelsea" it might have been easier to see the narrator speaking. As later in the paragraph it seems like narrator again. *Wink* It did not strike me when I first read the story so it didn't throw me out. Just in rereading it stuck me. It could be just how I read it. *Smile*

I was really moved by this story and it well deserves its ribbon. I felt for the characters and could imagine the scenes with clarity. Evocative and well conceived expression. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your vision and craft.

Happy Anniversary Month! One year In!*Balloonp*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
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1185
1185
Review of Shadows  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Aiddy! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

*Fairyr*This title with its dark edges came up on the Read A Newbie Page! I like the energy and evocative nature of the word in the title . It inspires the imagination and made me curious to see your vision.

I really liked reading and pondering on your "deep realities"! The balance of opposites is interesting and your use of the unspecific "they" and "you" may allow the reader to enter in and ponder from their own perspectives. *Smile* Yet it would be interesting to have a little more clarity on the cards and battlefield images, and the switching from they to you to one to I and then to some and others was kind of confusing in voice.

The poem is free style and suits the philosophic tone. The first verse was my favourite in its flow and dynamic mystery. The next two verse had shorter lines so the rhythm is not consistent. The rhyme scheme was well done through out. *Thumbsup*

It feels as if truths are hidden in shadows so the title fits well. I'd like to know the background from which this was inspired. *Smile* Thanks for sharing your vision and craft at WDC! *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
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1186
1186
Review of Icarus  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Sue! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

What a unique topic for a haiku!*Thumbsup* I love mythology and recall this myth well.
The poem might be better named senryu as it does include people and concepts as opposed to a moment in nature} *Wink* Still the format is correct in line, syllable and style. The poem actually tells a story as opposed allowing for a turn in perspective. though I suppose the idea of flying and then having no wings is a contrast. *Smile*

Generally the japanese style do not have capital letters but for names like Icarus, and minimum punctuation. I did like the dramatic effect of the exclamation mark as it did fit the image.

I wondered about the first word, which judges Icarus instead of allowing us to come to our own conclusion as often Haiku does. I wonder about a more vivid descriptor here.

While not a haiku in traditional sense , the essence of that one picture event shown in brevity is present and quite creative. It was pleasant to read aloud with it's lovely soundscape. I liked the "s" sounds that tie it together.

I never thought of using such themes in this format. Gives me something to think about. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

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1187
1187
Review of Hail Motherland  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight* Welcome to WDC noblecrowns! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Balloong*

I saw your evocative title on the Read a Newbie page and was interested in reading about your vision of Nigeria. I can sense the pride in your words. *Heart*

I really like your style of weaving phrases in this poem. The free style suits the emotional content and allows for creative phrasing. In Lines 10 to the end I enjoyed the language and bits of personification like "on her tongue we learnt speeches". The interdependent relationship between the country and its offspring is well shown.

I think "its been" needs to be "it's been" for "it has been". *Confused* I am not sure here.
also I noted some tense changes--like "rescued us" , "covered" and then you change to "nourishes" and then to the archaic language present "doth quench" , which does suit the tone and aura of the "hail" tribute.
You can get around it perhaps by saying "her fruit still nourishes" to draw us to the present time.
Should "bowel" be "bowels" as you say the plural "Our"? *Wink*

I enjoyed the high tone and vibe of this writing which truly carries the essence of a poem of praise and tribute of your beloved country. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
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1188
1188
Review of Serenade  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome to WDC AmyBerry! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

*Fairyr*I found your serenade on the Read A Newbie page and was attracted by the title.
The poem is lovely in tone and emotional content. It was a pleasure to read the loving words with the effective rhyme scheme that added to the flow. I like the couplet type of rhyme for this theme. *Smile*

The words chosen create the atmosphere and give the message of romance and love as well as gratitude for finding love with the desired qualities. It is, indeed, like a song! It has a positive and light tone. It reminds me of old fashioned love poems. *Thumbsup*

I really enjoyed reading this lively expression. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1189
1189
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Balloony*Hail Thing ! *Delight*
I am happy to review you as the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Raiders salute you for"all of your friend Hooves' dedicated efforts as a brave member of GOT" Make sure she gets the message. *Wink*

*Hand1* HO! I never saw this before! No wonder you get fab ideas for interactives on movies and characters etc. Wow! It is a great idea and a way to connect with folks of like interests.

Your intro is inviting and clear and it is interesting how movies inspired writing. Keeping the group as open ended and free to join for fun and discussion is appealing as well. Sometimes it is good to just hang out without big "to do" list to fit in. *Thumbsup*

Your Mb is fabulous in its choice of the legendary chaplin as symbol! Brilliant choice.

The link to the chat forum is handy, and practical of course as where else would the group meet. *Wink* I enjoyed the title of that too. I am off to check it out.....
I am back after commenting. Good show all round.

Thanks for creating this fun crew. Maybe this review will stir up some trouble...er some movie lovers. *Wink*

Keep on doing what you do and write on! *Starstruck*

eyestar

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Review of My little star  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  and "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *BalloonR*


I love stars so your endearing title appealed to me. I could imagine a young child looking and dreaming. *Thumbsup*

I really liked the idea of the "warm moon" and the notion of the third line. Interesting.
You really emphasize the "wondering" by repeating the word. It is so profound how the stars effect us and your connection from it's purpose to the poet's is natural progression.*Smile*

I wondered about your "purpose if.could not fly". Are you saying you can and therefore have purpose. *Confused* Unless you mean your imagination and mind can fly and discover all kinds of purposes.

This little free style poem has a dreamy tone and I enjoyed entering into the vision. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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1191
1191
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloony*HI jackneight! *Delight* I am happy to review to celebrate you and share my perspective as a reader. *Bookopen*

Wow. This is a wonderfully inspiring piece spoken in the voice of one who has passed away. You kept the voice consistent, which is important as you speak of different times in a life. Keeping the tenses straight is important and for the most part it is well done.

The narration ties her life into his faith in God and shares elements of the faith, scripture stories as a teaching. Opening with the loss of child was a wonderful realistic event around which to build the lifetime of trying to understand such a loss in terms of God's love.

A few glitches I noticed:

In the first line,
"each other, than the worst thing could happen."
I think you need a period after "other. "Then, the worst thing happened." to keep it in the past tense as you began.

"than I realized", needs to be "then".

In paragraph 2, this was tricky because of tense.
"Now another son became sick and I could not live ..."
You might say "When another son...I thought I wouldn't live with the sorrow..." to bring it in line with tense.

In paragraph three,
"all, he gave his earth for us to take care of" You end in a preposition and then the next line hangs by itself without a verb. Also, I would put a period after "all."

The tone was sincere and you illustrate well how her faith was important. Having the after death experience at the end is vivid and emotional. It gives hope and captures the essence of the experience that we have heard and perhaps had glimpses. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for sharing such a inspiring vision and your craft.*Starstruck*

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
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1192
1192
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*Balloony*HI Sylance! *Delight* I am happy to review to celebrate you and share my perspective as a reader. *Bookopen*

*Flagr* I was attracted to the picturesque title and the idea of paper lanterns. I was intrigued at the number too and wondered the importance of 20 of the symbolic lanterns.

I enjoyed the rhyme and the vivid images: the "glow" of stars, the "spark" of firecrackers etc. You did a good job with the comparatives too like the "meadowlark" as it was unexpected and I had to smile.

It felt like a free style as there was no consistent rhythm in the verses but the rhyme was well done. I wondered about the word "deep" in the first verse. It didn't feel right to me as an image I could vision.

I wonder if you need "slowly" as the word "fade" has that connotation already. I wondered why it was a private show.

The reversed last line is interesting and requires thought as Lanturns can be a symbol for passing on to the next realm.

Thanks for sharing your unique vision and craft. *Starstruck*

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
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#1300305 by Maryann





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1193
1193
Review of My Friend  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloony*Hi Dave! *Delight* I am happy to review to celebrate you and share my perspective as a reader. *Bookopen*

I had no idea what an Eintou was so I had to check it out when it popped up on the Children's genre page. The picture prompt is so cute too. The idea of dog as friend is always relevant and endearing.

The form fits the warmth of the theme and the enjambment of the second last line is potent as I wasn't expecting cuddles! If one hadn't seen the prompt "hugs" might have been expected from a friend.*Laugh*

I like the contrast and vibe of "unconditional love" with "forsaken."

I wondered about the period after the second line as the verb is a gerund form. Maybe just use a semi colon to connect it to the next idea.*Wink*
Or make it stronger and active by saying "gives". It would make the fact important on its own before you give the illustration.

The format follows the guidelines you so conveniently noted. It reminds me of the lanturn in look on the page.

Thanks for sharing your vision and teaching as you craft. *Starstruck*

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
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1194
1194
Review of Two Halves  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I was drawn to the title and thought it was awesome for this form! *Thumbsup* The opposite themes you chose are so effective and relevant for the diamonte.

You constructed the form correctly to compare and contrast the antonyms. The words really capture the essence of sadness and happiness. I enjoyed reading it aloud and especially the middle line of nouns. What a lovely flow and the words were interesting and evocative. I liked "gleeful" too. *Smile*

I thought that the word "depressing" might have mirrored "satisfying" in the order of things. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. *Starstruck* I love this form.

Light on the path as you write on!
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1195
1195
Review of A Chance to Dance  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Jael Wright! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I was drawn to your alliterative title on the Read A Newbie Page! I like the positive vibe of the title and the poem that encourages us to be joyful in life.

The voice is upbeat and inviting and the words well chosen to create the lively atmosphere. The images are vivid and I really liked the "joy of music in your feet". *Smile* I pictured a quick step dance!

The "don't" phrases add contrast and the present tense gives immediacy as you ask us to come dance now in the moment. I wondered about the image of "breeze in..hair" as it was a different notion for a dance image.

It was pleasant to read aloud with phrases like "twirl merrily" and "whirl ...ecstacy". *Thumbsup*

Thanks for sharing your vibrant vision and good advice. *Starstruck*

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1196
1196
Review of The musician  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Sari Ellace! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I found this elegant expression on the Read A Newbie page and as I love music the title appealed to me.
It was lovely to imagine the musician here getting lost in the music.

The short piece was pleasant to read and created a vivid picture of the musician and her feeling about music and its definition. The vocabulary suits the theme and gives a sense of atmosphere. eg. "entranced", "euphoria" .
For a more interesting word than "beautiful", you might use "harmonious" etc.

Grammatically, you just need a comma after "air" and the second line has no subject,, unless you change it to the present tense "mould together" to make it a complete thought. Also a comma after "me, telling.." to connect the phrase.

Using the present tense gives this immediacy and potency. I really get a sense of the love the musician has for the music. *Starstruck*

Thank you for sharing your gift and vision! *Star*

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1197
1197
Review of The storm  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC teezerk! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

*Wave4* I found this lyric on the Read A Newbie page! I am not sure what the tune is so it is difficult to know the correct rhythm. The imagery is vivid as you describe the ship on the stormy sea and I could feel the tone of hopelessness of the captain and the one watching. Well done.

The vocabulary is effective for the theme and helped create the atmosphere and drama. The personification of the thunder is effective. I like the active present tense of verbs like "dips and crashes" and the cool idea of "solos through". The second verse is potent image and my favourite verse.

One glitch for was the first verse: you say "sitting on the edge.." but there is no subject--so when I read the next verse, it seems like the "lone vessel" is "sitting"--grammatically. Maybe, "he sits." as you refer to him later.

I wondered at the last line--"lost to the confines of a song" is brilliant idea yet if it is lost to the world, would it be caught in the confines of song or {lost in ..song"}. *Confused* I did like the repetition. Just trying to see the sense of what you mean. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your evocative vision and craft. I really enjoyed entering into the song. *Starstruck*

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Review of Silver Lining  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Miwli! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

I was attracted to the lovely title on the Read A Newbie page. I so enjoyed the wonderful and unique weaving of your free style expression. It was pleasant to read aloud and flowed smoothly. The first line drew me in with its vivid image.

The tone is gentle and comforting in its message that the hurt passes and we learn from it. I really liked "in my sad and mindless ponder". The bits of inner rhyme add to the flow and potency.

Thanks for sharing this heartfelt poem. *Star*

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Review of The Snow  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Cat* Welcome to WDC DruidMoon Cat! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Smile*

*Fairyr* I found your lovely poem on the Read A Newbie page and to cool off I peeked in. *Snow1*
I really enjoyed the picture you paint of the magically silent snow falling! The line "even the darkest places" is a vivid contrast. *Thumbsup*

I noticed you began with "fell" a paste tense verb and then changed to present tense. it is customary to be consistent. You could tweak it easily by changing "fell" to "falls" and dropping "it falls" later on. Just an example. A typo on "fron the sky", should be "from". *Wink*

It is interesting how you use "peaceful" as adjective when I expected an adverb. I wondered if there was a more vivid descriptor than the overused word "beautiful".

The vibe of the poem is gentle and has a positive effect with its cool comparisons like "tastes like sugar". Neat idea.

Thanks for sharing your lovely vision of snow! *Starstruck*

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Review of Dig  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Smile*


Hi! This title popped up on Random Reads page. I like the title as it made me curious.
The story is evocative and had a sense of mystery. You hooked me with the opening line though you say not what the treasure is. It had a good twist of horror at the end. The idea of the crack in the wall as dimensional is awesome. I liked the view of the boat which added another setting. *Thumbsup*

I was a bit confused as to who Kai was and when you say he kissed her again--I wondered when the first time was. I assume she has been around for a while as he knew the teacher too. So you lead me to believe she was a colleague who thought the digger deserved more credit--but then say she found him.
I wondered if Rand was present at this time as well as you began with him talking. later you say, he would be upset so I assume she is in the display room and see the items have been tampered with?

There is so much room here for us to enter into the story with our imagination. *Cool*

The paranormal theme was exciting and I think you could expand this into a more detailed scene. wow!
I can't imagine writing short flash pieces so I admire your craft. Certainly had a shock at the end. *Thumbsup* Thanks for sharing your vision at WDC.

Light on the path as you write on!
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