*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/50
Review Requests: OFF
7,130 Public Reviews Given
7,195 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 46 47 48 49 -50- 51 52 53 54 55 ... Next
1226
1226
for entry "Shifts" 
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Sun**BalloonP*Hail Kiya! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Sun*Wow! This article is amazing and a convenient, helpful resources for any writer, either as reminder or new information on grammar shifts. Quite comprehensive and detailed with illustrative examples of each type of shift in tense. I learned quite a bit from having it clearly stated. I usually know what sounds right as I learned somewhere in time. The section on shifts in mood and voice interested me as there are some tricky areas when I write with these.

The theme of your article is so relevant and the presentation is well structured and easy to read. I am glad you defined "shifts" at the start as I was not quite sure what they were. Now clear! LOL The page is organized with subheadings for each type of shift as in voice, mood, verb tenses(good choice} and examples of each one with key words underlined or coloured.
The page is appealing visually and I could easily scroll down and connect with the section of interest. Colour assisted with this.

The writing is narrative and factual and was easy to follow. The placing of a mistaken usage with possible clear ones is really helpful as when I read I can hear or see the difference. Side by side gives a clear aural comparative.

I did not notice any glitches in your writing.*Wink* I really admire the time and patience you took to write and describe these terms so concisely with detail and so we could understand. It takes skill to do that with these complex ideas. Thank you for this superb contribution to the WDC. This is going on my favs list for reference and to pass on.*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1227
1227
Review of Teeth  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC ! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Sun*LOL. This is so funny! It is amazing how you can write a whole story in 55 words. The title is spot on without giving anything away.

The first line hooked me as it was active with a potent image. Setting, time and character are set with speed! The alliterative sound combinations in that first line were wonderful to read aloud too. eg. "across the crypt"! Vivid image.

The character was vivid and his speech moved the story along. I was drawn into the situation of horror and then I had to laugh at the end. What a brilliant concept! One would never think of something that mundane for vampires. LOL

The theme of horror is off set by the humour. In line 2 the idea of "bloom" being gone is effective and the fast pace adds to the drama. Verbs are active and directly descriptive words create the picture quickly. The only word that stuck out was "indescribable". I wanted to say "acute" or something more tangible and intense than what you chose here. *Wink*
Is it worse than the girl getting bitten? *Sad* Nice that he gets some pay back.

I really enjoyed this story and laughing made my night even brighter. You have a gift for this and I so appreciate you sharing it. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


1228
1228
Review of Hope  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Sun**BalloonP*Hi bumblegrum! I am back with another review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Sun*Wow! This expression is absolutely moving in its tone and message. I was drawn right into the aura and vibe of the search for Hope, a message beginning with a query and containing advice for the journey.

It was lovely to read with its interesting rhyme scheme and the verses were balanced and coherently flow. I am not sure if this is a set form or not but it is well composed in a pattern. Excellent. I could read it over and over.

I wondered why you double spaced the verses. I noticed that you used the word challenge twice -in two consecutive verses. It works in both cases and does not impede the flow or meaning. I just remember reading that it may be better to have different words when close together unless emphasizing something. Now it could indeed be doing that here. *Smile* Just pondering.

The first line is evocative and I like the comparison--it falls gently and melts so they are not aware of their closing off. The voice in the dark saying "can we change?" is potent and turns the direction of the poem into how it could be different and the obstacles to face to become the difference we seek. Ending with the children adds power to your call to change. Good concept to touch our hearts. *Thumbsup*

I loved reading this heartfelt expression! Thanks for sharing your vision.*Heart*

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1229
1229
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Sun**BalloonP*HI Bumblegrum! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Sun*I enjoy limericks and it is good to see your new ones. The title is unique too with the idea of a "brace". *Smile*

Reviewing is an unique topic for a limerick. I had to smile too as I review so many great items that my writing time dwindles or I don't do it as I compare to others. LOL Good point.

'Frogs" has a sad statement indeed about its habitat. I laughed at the line with dogs as if dogs chase them away when hunters come. The middle lines don't seem funny but if I was a frog I would not like it. I loved the sound and flow of the last line here. Idyllic contrast to the lines above. Well done.

The two limericks here are fashioned in the correct form with 5 lines, and syllable count 9,9,6,6,9 I think. I noticed that in line 4 in the first limerick is only a 5 count instead of 6. line 2 in Frogs is 8 and the 3th line is only 5. *Wink* The count can also be a 5.5 in the short lines. They still flow well when reading aloud, just not consistent in beat.

I find limericks a challenge to create especially with their witty commentary. So I really appreciate your compositions. The second is my favourite for its images and potency of comment. Thanks for observing and sharing your vision and craft. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1230
1230
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun*Hail Wordsmitty! It is so much fun to raid your port! Getting to know you...*Music1**Delight*


I found little ditty emulating the old nursery rhyme and I had to laugh and the title. Not saying what little things she has evokes curiosity and I had to peek inside. The lamb must be there too.

this is so precious and I'd love to read it to some kids I know. Adding other animals fits with the original tale and makes it more interesting as we watch the antics of the animals and play a counting game at the end. It certainly has an educational as well as entertaining purpose.

The descriptions of the animals and their movements were vivid and all suited the barnyard theme. Giving the animals names made it feel like they were really pets much as the original lamb was. I could see how pictures could be added to this: eg"turkey trot", and "maroon feathered" is original description.

The flow was natural in the sing song way mimicking the original tune and the rhymes were consistent and well chosen. Children could easily match them.
It doesn't seem to match totally the original rhythm and rhyme as it doesn't have the repeated bit. It was pleasant to read a poem rendition with its detail. Lines 4 and 6 were the only two that felt out of step to me but the image was so vivid and fun in these longer lines. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for the link to the real poem too.*Wink*

This was a cool idea and an impressive creative response to the prompt, well deserving of its ribbon! Have you shared it with children? I'll be they could have fun playing here. *Delight* I had fun! It is giving me ideas too.

*Sun* Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

House Martell image for G.o.T.
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1231
1231
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun**BalloonP*Hail Fyn! I hope you are enjoying your port raid in celebration of you!*Delight*

*Sun*Wow! I was captivated by this evocative title: a call to observe and not miss out. It reminded me of the song words: "I hope You dance"! and I love that song. I see the idea in the poem bears out the title's imperative in a unique way.

The vivid image you paint here is one people will miss if they are not observing or being present in the moment as nature shares its magic. It answers the question that might be prompted by the title: what dance? or what will I miss? Well done.

You wove this personification of clouds with detail and words that convey a ball room type atmosphere, which suits the miraculous dance of nature. The metaphor is effective and gives visual and sound effects. Alliterative bits about wind and skies assist the flow and remind me of dancing notes flowing together.

The free style works to allow for the free movement of lines. The short one word line is effective as it gives space for the dance. Interesting how you show us at the start the clouds waltz in a metaphor and then in the last lines you tell us directly. Odd.
Bolded letters may mean you had to use prompt words so you need the last words. Might be interesting effect to keep to the metaphor and rearrange without last line, sometime for fun.
But I do like the effect and idea of "the clouds danced".

I might drop the "and" and add a period after "skies." Make it a sentence on its own for the balance.

I enjoyed the entering into the reverie and watching what you see. Lovely personification and imagery. So keep noticing the dance around you and maybe...this will start a trend. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **
1232
1232
Review of Fracturization  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun**BalloonP*Hi fyn! I am back again a review with to celebrate you!*Delight* Having Fun yet?

*Sun*Oh my gosh! This is fabulous and you expound your frustration with clarity and energy! The theme is so relevant and your examples are so true! I liked you reference to spell checkers not catching these errors even when you checked this poem, which does have them. I had to laugh as you made this point.*Thumbsup* People do tend to rely on them.

I was attracted to the unique title and now I see the relevance of it in terms of language. I think it applies to an art too.

It is amazing how you created a poetic expression using these examples of poor English. It is coherent and has a consistent rhyme scheme with interesting words like "drum" with "thrum", "percussion" with "discussion", and "berserk" with "work".
It is impressive how you wove the bad English words with its corrected version! *Starstruck* It makes it a teaching for those who will read it and ....take it to heart.
Good way to strike the chord!

The form has not an even rhythm everywhere but it's flow reflects the drama and emotion of the rant and the rhyme tie it together. It was fun to read aloud and get the 'impact" of the message. *Laugh* I grinned at "what flew is a fly". and the "cross I bear". LOL Oh, such common mistakes can drive you "nuts." The line about memorize strikes me too--half the time the kids don't even do that for multiplying anymore, let alone language. Now you will get me started on a rant--schools! LOL

This is a great avenue for letting off steam and yet provide illustrations and teachings at the same time. Brilliant concept and construct with potent vibe.*Starstruck*
Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. I am sure some of us can relate to your vibe!

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1233
1233
Review of Hummingbird  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun*Hail Fyn! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you on behalf of the House Martell in the"King's Landing updating " .*Delight*


I love hummingbirds and held one in my hand once so this is an appealing theme. These tiny bright birds seem magical!

Wow! This is an evocative tribute to the hummingbird. The image you create is so vivid that I can see him at the feeder. Your words are well chosen to reveal the action of the birds as they eat. I liked how the words reflect the idea of being still and the rhyme connection of "maintaining" and "sustain".
The words in second and third verse have strong long sounds that seem to mimic the holding still.
The enjambment "as" is well done as it gives the potency to the "he" in the next line.

The word "blurred" so describes the wings as the do flutter so fast and never really at rest. The 4th line use of "he of" combined with the 6 gives the impression of a royalty or divine quality. It does indeed suit this unique bird.

I wondered at the colon after "lifeblood" as the next line refers to it. Wouldn't a comma work,especially as the last line completes the "lifeblood" line. Line 6 is like a phrase..maybe it needs a comma too.
Just a thought that struck me.*Wink*

The presentation on the page and bold font sets off the theme and is appealing.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. You so captured the essence and picture of this quick flitting bird. I enjoyed the moment. *Starstruck*

*Sun* Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

House Martell image for G.o.T.
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1234
1234
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Happy 9th Smee! I am back with another review to celebrate you! *Star* I am really enjoying your flashes! *Fire*

*Laugh*This story struck me as funny and I laughed out loud. The image of the warlock swinging Boris is priceless and dramatic. The whole concept of the blunder and trying to evade notice is so creative and the flow of the ideas is logical. The dialogue is well written, energetic and serves to give vital details for the potion making. It is so funny how the warlock basically invents the rationale himself.*Thumbsup* The expression of each character is vivid as well.( I like the contrast of the overexcited and the struck dumb.)

You made me really want Boris to get credit for once and I felt his let down in the end. The last line said it all.

The first line hooked me and the image that followed set the high vibe for the scene. The potion ingredient seemed so outrageous I had to laugh. The language flowed at a quick pace and I was not thrown out of the story at any point. I enjoyed the alliterative quality of some of your lines, eg. "Yes the silver essence...viscosity" etc. How effective a soundscape that adds interest and to the flow.

"Another day survived." did strike me as odd on further study.

You have a real gift for Flash episodes. This is truly entertaining and comical even while the characters are so serious about the matter. Brilliant. *Starstruck*

*Sun*Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
House Martell image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1235
1235
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Smee! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

I was drawn by the title of this flash as I like drums and thought of all their uses. I was curious to see how they'd relate to the prompt in your tag line.

The first line is a good opening as it incites my curiosity as to what he knew. I liked the short, abrupt effect too.

I wondered about the "alarms drums" as it seems to be two nouns. Did you mean "alarm drums" or "alarm's drums" or just a typo?

I am not sure he would "reluctantly" get out of bed if he knew what the alarm meant and he had a wish to fight!" Plus adverbs are not as effective descriptors. *Wink* I know it meant he didn't want to get out in cold and leave his dream. But he did jump up and might not have slowed down as he got up. maybe. It does tie back to what you say in the end. Maybe, "with a sigh, he.." would give that impression.

"his small clothes" sounded odd to me.

The story flows in a coherent manner with a sentence variety and a slower pace than I would have expected for the intensity of what will come. Yet is does reflect the idea of the slow movement of the main character in this moment, caught out of inspiring dream, caught in embarrassment, between his wish and what he has to do.

I really enjoyed the conversation and encounter with his warrior mom. I could so imagine the tone and scenario. I liked the bit of accent in the dialogue and it gives hints to the time and place. She is one fierce woman. The description of the outfits and putting on the armour was vivid. The threat of punishment was a good show. I am sure it was empty but folks do use these warnings. or maybe..those times...*Shock* LOL

The point where he stands still is a creative and perfect response to your prompt and I had to laugh. It was so true to what might happen when mom walks in. All of his concerns meet at this point and this is the most troublesome. *Thumbsup*

I liked the end where he shows his acceptance of his job and knows that one day he will be grown enough to have his dream. Good portrait of a teen!

I had fun reading this fantasy moment in time. The title indicates the motivation for the action, both at the beginning and the end. Good ploy.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. *Starstruck*

*Sun*Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
House Martell image for G.o.T.
1236
1236
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Smee! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

What a great theme for a story. I could really imagine this summertime fun and the relationship between the two brothers is so realistic. Your descriptions of the weather, setting and swinging are very vivid and detailed. It maed me feel like I was there and that the author has experience with this fun.

The opening line drew me in with it's intensity and immediate action. The dialogue was natural and served its purpose. I enjoyed words like 'looped", "glinted', "splintering" "crack", "daring arc" that added to the picture making. "in emphasis of his protest" seems wordy. I would just say "in protest". *Wink*

The pargraphs made sense and I enjoyed reading your sentence weaving. The language flowed smoothly and only this line threw me off a bit. eg ." equally ignoring the pleas of the annoying youngster Simon insisted join them.' I got lost in what it meant as it was awkward in its composition to me.*Confused*

You need punctuation after "so mean".

The contrast between the fun of the boys and the whiny bother was potent and then to add the twist at the end added more drama. The brother might be happy now he didn't have a turn. LOL The build up to the event was intense with the amazing detail in the last paragraph.

The last line added shock yet made me smile too. I felt the freedom of it, which refelcted the theme of daring, summer fun. You let us imagine the landing. Good hook into our response.

Thanks for sharing this entertaining episode and your craft! *Starstruck* i had fun.

*Sun*Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
House Martell image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1237
1237
Review of Lost Without You  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI sum1! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Sun*Wow! This is a lovely lament with a bit of a twist at the end, which is unexpected so I had to smile. I got the idea about needing that time alone to pour it all out and then ..a kind of light comes. *Fairyr*
It is written like a love poem, yet a prayer by a guy lost without his love and the emotional vibe is potent. I like the repeated song like verse in the quotes. It is like a chorus calling.

The structure is free style and I didn't notice a definite rhythm but the rhyme was consistent and added to the flow. The description of the speaker and setting is vivid and the language suits the theme of a pleading prayer. The seeking for comfort and direction has a spiritual tone and it is interesting how one can make that connection with the muse.
The Source is within and above and stems from love---.

I enjoyed reading it aloud. The first verse, which felt like a chorus, flowed like a song and the second part slowed a bit in the 4th line as it was longer, lost some of the pacing. eg>"join me..."
Overall it was pleasant to read and I did notice changes in verse lines, so while the flow was good in verses, some verses had different flows. It did not affect the meaning or power of the message. *Smile* The last line is so appealing and sums up simply.

I appreciate the effort that went in to composing this heartfelt plaintive poem. The theme is one we can all relate to and gives hope. *Star*

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft.

*Sun*Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
House Martell image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1238
1238
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI sum1! I am back here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

I so enjoyed your movie blog that I came to check this travel one out. I see you were in Barrie, which is in my province about 5 hours away. *Delight* Glad you enjoyed the food! LOL I have not been there in awhile but know some folks there.

This is such a great way to celebrate your experiences and as you travel for work, it must be a lovely creative outlook. You have an engaging style and and the short entries are filled with details as we learn where you go, your impressions and highlights. I love how you always mention food--as it would be good to know where he good stuff is in a new place. The Shrimp place sounds good and the Goat cheese and roasted garlic..yum! I may take a trip to Barrie! *Laugh*

The photos add colour and realism to the blog entries--sioux falls photo is gorgeous. Brave you for going out to get in it in the cold!*Thumbsup*

The pieces are interesting and a good mix of fact and your impressions, opinions and notions that come to yo as a result of travel. It is a lovely record of your work as well and how you make it fun in spite of glitches. This might make a good book some day--your memoires. or Travel log for the travel for work and make it fun crowd! *Wink**Bird*

I really enjoy tuning into your episodes and getting to know a bit about who and where sum1 is! *startruck* Thanks for sharing YOU so openly.

*Sun*Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
House Martell image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1239
1239
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC Mihai! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Sun*Wow! This is a riveting and uplifting piece of wisdom that exhorts us to be grateful each moment. The positive and enthusiastic energy of the voice and theme flows out in a potent manner no one could miss. I love it! You are really desiring that we could live and have a happier life.

This could be a wonderful piece to read each day--or at least a part. Asking the readers questions invites them to look to their own life practices and get ideas on how to be happier. The first sections ask and the second section reveals wise suggestions as to how to think differently. Some good affirmations too.*Thumbsup* Research well done.

The capital letters are emphatic in the middle where you want to stress the main idea of gratitude. I wondered why all the large spaces between your lines--unless one could print this as put in answers as it does have the aspect of a questionnaire in spots. It is also like a motivational speech! *Smile*
In the 6th line you have a typo---"Do yo think what actions..." needs to be "Do you.."
I wondered why these questions were in a bundle like a paragraph when the res were not. *Wink* It does seem to make sense and does not detract from the read.

It is helpful to when you say what can occur if one follows a more positive approach to things. The last paragraph sums up the reason for making it a practice. *Star* I can relate totally to what you say here and do my own "happy making " exercises. *Delight*
Keep passing on the magic and thanks for sharing your vision and craft on WDC!

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1240
1240
Review of Leafmulch  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC ! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*


*Sun*This cool title caught my eye on the Read A Newbie page. I liked the sound and idea of it and it mirrors the division of your poem.

The first verse was a treat to read and envision with its glowing imagery and rich detail of the leaf's journey. *Thumbsup* "crumpled wing...insect" was an excellent comparison.

This line "lighting on" threw me out a bit as I had to think about it. And "frantically" is a dramatic enjambent but as an aadverb is not so poetic a descriptor. Perhaps a tweak of this line could make it a more potent image.*Wink*

I liked the feel of the line where the leaf plunged. Setting it by itself in space mirrors the switch in direction. The contrasting line with the "stone-like I begins a new idea.

From above this half-man watches the leaf perhaps, in his own state of decay as a dead body.
The metamorphosis idea is catching--as he distintegrates into mulch with leaves, his light spirit is free. Well, that is what I see anyway. And the connection is made to your title
The last line is so evocative--it is said like a fact. I like it. The second line here is a bit tricky to get--not sure how else to say it. Comma after "that" and after "out" would help with the flow.

The whole show here is magical and mystical in vibe and genius in concept. I loved it! *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your vision and craft here at WDC.

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*


Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1241
1241
Review of In Bloom  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC ! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Sun*Wow! This is a captivating expression showing the progress of growth of a seed. Marvelous in its conception and theme. The double meaning is brilliant as I thought one thing at the first and then clued at the end. I first thought of seed, even baby in the womb and then you when later you mention roots..voila, the dramatic birth. er.. it is borne out in the title. *flower* 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 8 are kind of appropriate for baby too. *Wink*
Awesome Flash piece.

The vocabulary is interesting and thematic to growth and nature. I enjoyed reading it slowly as even your arrangement on the page would suggest. Your story has a poetic feel to it as well with effective alliterative quality that is appealing to read aloud. *Thumbsup* Words like "venture", "rupture", are potent and "venerated salvation" makes it feel that this shift is exalted.

The personification of the seed is excellent too. Her voice is scientific and factual and warms up as she births in the sun. The rich detail creates the vision of the sensory experience and is a creative way to explain what happens as a seed germinates and fights its way to the surface. *Flowerb* Brilliant and fun.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft at WDC. This was remarkable. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1242
1242
Review of Death's Death  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC forgotten poet! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*

*Sun*Your title sounded ominous from the Read A Newbie page, and has an intriguing theme. Good choice.

Wow! I so enjoyed reading this poem with its tight weave and fascinating and deep concepts.
I liked the unique structure too and what you did with the middle part--the pattern and repetition. eg. "The Form...The feet.." etc. Fabulous. *Thumbsup*

I liked the flow as I read it aloud though a few lines were a bit longer and not in a similar rhythm. One line that was a bit unweidly was line 8 at the end "lead...mate". It was long and I was a bit confused by it.

The adverb "stubbornly " stood out too. I get the idea but it is not poetic. Not sure of a fix though as you do want that idea of firmness.

For hands "pout" do you mean "point"? *Wink*

I am unfamiliar with the word "moun"---is it like "mown" as in a lawn being mown down. A scythe mows the life down". Cool image.

In line 4, I think "its but.." needs to be "it's" for "it is".*Confused*

Your imagery is potent and description of Death's sadness is vivid. The couplet at the end sums the tragedy brilliantly. There is much to ponder in your philosophical expression and I could linger there and keep reading to reach more depths. *Thumbsup*

Please keep writing and thank you for sharing your unique vision and craft at WDC!*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1243
1243
Review of Busted  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC ! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*


*Sun*I found this short piece on the Read A Newbie page and liked the title with its strong sound vibe and that it didn't give away the story as I could think of different scenarios. It made me curious to see yours.

It is amazing feat to write such a complete episode in only 99 words! It is very descriptive and intense as your character acts in stealth. I could visualise the scene quite vividly.
The details of the box and the food are excellent. Active verbs like "creep",and "explodes" give vitality and and potency to our vision and the writing.

You lead us and we have no idea of why she is trying to hide or what is calling (very good} until we catch the whiff in the end of line 7. Then the twist evoked a laugh! Superb!
The situation happens more than we know, I am sure. Good choice of theme.

The structure has a variety of short and long sentences, which keep the story moving well with appropriate pauses to enhance the drama.

A glitch for me would be adverbs like "suddenly". What would she look like if she suddenly heard---show instead of tell. I know you have a word count to consider. *Smile*

I think this is awkward "whereabouts he is". Grammatically "his whereabouts" sounds better and not end in a verb. *Wink*

The title indeed suits the work in a unique and comic way. I was entertained and had a good laugh. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1244
1244
Review of Rilke Quote  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun*Hail turtle. I am back to comment on this item, though it is not written by you! *Quill* Rilke is one of my favourite poets though haven't read him in a while.*Delight*


This is a familiar quote from the poet Rilke and so moving and inspirational that I can see why you would choose it and post it here to inspire other writers too. As a poetry teacher you are to many here, I just heard.

It would be helpful if you would link the source or the title of the book as well. If I recall it is from his "Letters". *Delight* Don't quote my memory though.

The idea of questioning and following the energy of responses is vital I think. If we don't look for concrete answers as given by society norms, but wait and go beyond, that is where magic happens, in life and in writing poems. The not looking for answers as they won't come til you can live them is rather true. If we follow another's answer to our question, it could be not right for us in the end--a hollow life that douses our true one.

He was ahead of his time--live the questions! There are more and more folks asking--and going beyond this realm to greater possibilities--not only in writing. I have trouble with the patience part as I want to know now. before time. *Laugh*

Thanks for posting this and making my day. Good reminder to ponder on. You could spruce it up a bit with some colour and may be say why it is your favourite or your own ponderings about it. I'd be keen to know. *Wink*

*Sun* Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

House Martell image for G.o.T.
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1245
1245
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.


*Sun**BalloonP*Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review with to celebrate you!*Delight*


*Sun*I found your evocative title on the Read A Newbie page and was curious about the connection of lovers and skies. I imagine them sitting under the stars or on a hill side. So many images come to mind. Good choice for a title as it hooked me.

Wow! I liked reading this. The first image set the tone and the two line short lined verses are so effective and dramatic like a storm. I like how the end lines of each verse rhyme--although I notice the last two verses ,rhyming together-don't follow the rest. And the word "joining" is a bit off from "in" as a rhyme. *Wink* The second last verse however, seems to mark a change in tension--eg sigh after the intense coming together. so change in rhyme could make sense. I love the concept in the last line. Brilliant! *Star*

I notice the rhythm is not always the same in the verses, yet I liked the flow when I read it aloud. Verses 1,2 ,3 ,4 and 6 flow smoothly and in similar vein.

I wondered if "shiver" should be "shivers"?

The overall effect and atmosphere created is so vivid and yet readers can imagine the details in their own interpretation. The comparison between storm skies and lovers is well shown.

This poem has potency and was a treat to read for its unique topic and vibe. You say a lot with few words. Well done!*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!

*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

Eyestar
** Image ID #1919873 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1246
1246
Review of Dessert  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*Sun*Hail Mumsy! I hope you had fun in your Port RAID! *Delight*


Wow! I so admire your ability to compose a complete episode in only 55 words! This one is yummy. I saw the title and who can resist dessert? *Smile*

You drew me in immediately with the description and feel of fudge!

It was pleasing to read your piece with its alliterative quality and vivid descriptions. It evoked visual picture and a watering mouth! Words with s sound in first line was fun to read. Words like "perched" and "glistening" were effective. One little glitch for me is the adverb "temptingly" isn't as descriptive and harder to say in a flowy way.

The sentences were well written and had a rhythmic flow that gave a sense of drama.
The twist as the end changed the vibe of the experience totally. Wow! What a let down! Superb as you bring us back to mundane. The dream is over.*Thumbsup* I want chocolate now.

The concept for this was brilliant. How many of us do drool at the colourfully real pictures in magazines? They always look good. Might be good we don't have the magic to make it real! *Wink* I wonder if this description came from a mag picture. It sure is inviting vision you captured and in exactly 55 words.*Starstruck* I counted. *Bigsmile*

Thanks for tempting me with this dessert! Now I will have to hunt up some chocolate! *Choco*

*Sun* Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

House Martell image for G.o.T.
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1247
1247
Review of Enjambment  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*Sun*Hail Turtle! Enjoying all the attention today?*Bigsmile*


I found a link to this article on the review page and thought I needed to know more about the enjambent. This article really clarifies how to use them in a vivid concrete way using the poem by Williams as an illustration. Wow!

Your explanation is coherent and easy to understand. The bold letters give a visual clue to your teaching. The things to consider are reiterated in the questions you pose at the end. They are very useful and will help me when reviewing too. I will now have this to ponder when I write. *Wink*

I like the way you varied your use of "emphasize" when you explain the three examples. eg. "place the emphasis...is emphasized" etc. Very nicely done not to repeat the same line.

I tend to write free flow or basic rhyme and enjambents were a bit of a mystery. I just know when they sound right. I see now that there could be more reasons why a person would choose the one they do.

I was wondering if there were any words that are no=no's in the process like 'and" or "but" etc.

In a simple way without flourish you clear up the mystery of those free hanging words on the end of lines! I am so glad I found this and that you wrote it for us.*Star* A helpful contribution to WDC poets and reviewers.

*Sun* Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

House Martell image for G.o.T.
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1248
1248
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.


*Sun*Hail turtle! Touring through at a slow pace and look what I found for your port RAID.*Delight*


Who knew there was such a way to read a poem and yet it makes total sense there would be. Mine always sound different in my mind than to a reader's perhaps. This is so inventive and fun! *Delight*

The first part of your structure mirrors ways to read poetry according to voice, pace, sound and meaning. T
The varying fonts serve to emphasize your points! Very creative. I enjoyed reading it too as it flowed with ease and with dramatic vibes as some poems do.

The questions you ask are insightful and give something to ponder as one reads poetry. I especially like the one about the riddle or the mystery of poetry as I do encounter some as puzzles or where different interpretations are inspired.

The opening image is vivid and I know some reluctant poetry readers who are like this. it can be nervousness of excitement depending on the reader. LOL I was struck by the words "white leaf" to refer to a page. had to think for a moment as one often has to pause in a poem for effect. Very cool.

The voice is consistent and I like when it turns to include all of us in the end. I think it may take all of us to discover meaning as so many varying points of view and reference open discussion and perhaps a common truth emerges.

This poem really appealed to me with its creative response to the question. It could be quite useful for someone reviewing poetry as well to consider the very queries you make here. Double duty: show and tell, ponder and teach. *Thumbsup* Marvelous inspiration. Thanks for sharing your vision. *Starstruck*

*Sun* Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

House Martell image for G.o.T.
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1249
1249
Review of The Carousel Ride  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun*Hail Mumsy! I am happy to RAID you again for Martell House in "King's Landing updating " .*Delight*


I haven't been on a carousel in a loong time! LOL The idea brought back memories and here in your flash piece you create the sense of nostalgia vividly in the soft tone and thoughts of the character as she visits a once cherished amusement park.
I easily felt her loneliness and see her in the quietude of the empty park and silent carousel as you weave the episode in a descriptive way. The setting was clear and how you have her sneak in made me curious enough to read on. Good hook.

I really liked when she is at the carousel car"essing the animals and the description of the memory is magical. Well written to appeal to the senses. Her gratitude at the end is precious.
The soundscape as I read is also appealing in so many places! eg: No cacophony...movement of mechanical....etc"

You tend to use adverbs, which I am learning is not such a good thing any longer, especially if you want to show, not tell. "stealthily" really stood out. and "patiently" I don't think adds much. How do we know what patiently looks like etc. But you may have to worry about word count and not add so much detail.

The line with "shadow and promise...pavement" seemed awkward to understand.

I imagine it is difficult to create such a full experience is so few words but this eloquent and moving, coherent with a bittersweet tone. I can actually enter into the dream with her.
And in a short time for Writer's Cramp too. *Shock* Thanks for the vision.*Thumbsup*

*Sun* Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

House Martell image for G.o.T.
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1250
1250
Review of One Little Toad  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail Mumsy! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you in "King's Landing updating "  RAID.*Delight*


I was charmed by the title of this little poem as I saw a little toad sitting in a child's hand yesterday. So cute. *Delight*

I can so imagine this as a picture book with its vibrant creatures performing the actions. The poem is a great way to teach and illustrate numbers one to ten and they would be familiar with the animals/bugs/nature items you chose. The LLamas feel out of place as they are not of the same area as the other things--except at a zoo. Unique choice. {

The inner rhymes are well matched and easy for children to hear. The flow is sing song like with its pleasing even rhythm. The only line that felt off key to me was the second one. There is no action word to keep time too. The word "in" is abrupt. I think a little edit or a change might make this more consistent with the rest of your lines, which all have dynamic action and "ing" pattern. Also the line is longer in syllables than the others as is the "llamas" line. You could drop "their" maybe. *Wink*

You also use "some" alot, which is common and a word kids could read. Just wondering what else might be more fun than "some" like "brown logs". Of course, the alliterative quality of "sitting on some" and "some sticks" is lovely. Just three times in a row its use seems overdone. Just POV. It is hard to keep songs simple. Illustrators have ideas too,*Smile*and may want input.

I wonder about "growing into" instead of "turning into" in line 3. (though turning sounds more magical-poof!} but the picture would be more of a seed changing under the ground and coming up. I think.

The images are visual and the mice evoke a smile and the sheep, a pleasant way to end. As in a countdown to bedtime. *Thumbsup* I really enjoyed playing with this little poem for kids.

Thanks for sharing your craft and unique vision.*Starstruck* Good luck with a book form.

*Sun* Highest regards and light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

House Martell image for G.o.T.
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  If you enjoy your review, maybe send a cheer for MARTELL at the Game Forum. *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2,530 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 102 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/50