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Review of Field of White  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Fire* HI kiya. I am happy to review this lovely poem as part of your Nuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.! *Smile*

*Bird* This poem is woven as a potent lament and appeal to the divine from a soul in despair. It is filled with the heartfelt prayers and reflections on this soul's feeling about self and the situation. It feels real in it emotional content and takes us from the "brokeness" to the hopeful ending.

*Bird*The language and imagery is vivid and applicable to the theme and spiritual content. I liked the dark heaviness of line 3 in verse 2 contrasted with the next line. It could be a hymn in its tone and flow.

*Bird* It has rather free structure with 4 verses and no apparent rhyme or rhythm scheme. It does not detract form the read as it reflects the ups and downs of the emotional nature of the speaker. I like the balance of sorrow victim plea as in "hear my sobs" and the parts of affirmation as in lines 3-4 in verse 3.

*Bird* I wondered about the periods after "spririt" in v 1 and "today" in v. 2 as the next lines seem to hang there without a subject if you leave the periods. commas or semi-colons might work better.

*Bird* The reason for the outcry to God is not specific here so the prayer could apply to many in some crisis. *Thumbsup* So it is open to interpretation and use by those who may identify with the feelings.

*Bird* The picture at the top is lovely and simple and evokes the title. I like the idea that when we cannot see, help is still there in the blankness or seeming dark.

*Star*Thanks for sharing this inspirational prayer! Keep shining the light and write on!

eyestar
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Review of Justice  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Fire* HI Kiya! This review is part of your Nuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.! *Fire*

*Star*Wow! It is so amazing how you can create such a meaningful and powerful message in the strict Fibonnacci Form. *Thumbsup*

The theme and perspective on Justice is well established and I felt the "accusatory eyes" and vibe and the stark sad truth of the last line. Each word in the last line is well chosen to fit the 13 count. *Thumbsup*

It had a fierce tone as I read it aloud and harsh sound words with "c", g, k, d " are effective in creating some drama. The emphatic dialogue in the first line sets the tone. "dark hue" is a nice change from "black" or dark skinned" . *Smile* Maybe a comma after "demand".

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing this potent message that puts light on this issue. It is a shame we need reminding still.

Keep on being a beacon of light and write on! *Star*

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* Hi Doctor Dirt! I am back with another review as part of yourNuclear Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.! *Smile*

*Fire* I could not resist this appealing and poetic title and it really suits this inspirational prose. I enjoyed the reflective voice and reverie vibe that reflects your main theme so evocatively.

*Fire* I enjoyed entering into this moment of time as I can imagine the experience from your fine sensory details in the description of your meditative moment. It so captured the oneness that can happen when one is still and allows all thoughts to drop and to open to awareness of all that is. Your conclusion is so apt and powerful realization.

*Fire* In the line " lying in the grass and sitting absolutely still " I felt the word "sitting" in unnecessary as you are at this moment lying down. It might even be tightened up to "lying still int he grass". You also use "and" a few times and the word "all" twice in the same line---it makes it a little run on I think.

*Fire* I wondered if "stimli we can enjoy" might flow better as "stimuli to enjoy". The next paragraph after the first sentence says the same thing as the line before. "not only...given sense...and experience with them" seems similar idea. eg the stimuli. though I see you give lovely examples.

*Fire* I wonder given the lovely sensual experience of the next paragraphs whether you even need the line about " Some may think it is coincidence..senses" The reflection takes us out of the moment of your vivid moment.
Maybe it is just a matter of the order of the paragraphs. The real first and then the thoughts on it. Just pondering.*Wink*
though it does kind of take our mind time to float away from thought. LOL

*Fire* The language is descriptive and fits the theme and appeals to the senses. I especially liked the joy sounds! *Smile*

*Fire* Thanks for sharing this lovely peaceful moment--and inspiring readers to remember to take time for quiet connection beyond the mind.
May you continue to meet your muse there and write on!

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Fire* Congrats! You're receiving a gift from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. ! The Nuclear Package has been ordered for you from: Jeff Author Icon and includes a mix of six reviews of any items in your port!! Enjoy! *Fire* We are jam packed and running behind but catching up! LOL

*Fire* Wow! This is an original and timely contest as many do like to write on the LGBT theme. I really like the pastel coloured and symbolic logo that sets off the page. Beautiful and warm.

*Fire*The page is well organized and very easy to see and read with drak fonts and accentuating colour decor. It is not busy and distracting.
The prompts are neatly presetned near the end for ease and having a variety to chose from is appealing.

*Fire*The rules are clearly stated in detail and the dates are firmly established and easy to locate in their own subsection. This is important as folks can easily miss dates. Links to how to post are handy to and great for newbies.

*Fire*The prize are very generous and I like the unique added feature of earning an MB for entering so many rounds. That is a cool incentive. Brilliant concept.

*Fire* I had never seen of a tiered donation system here so this is another different feature. You rock!

*Fire* It is so wonderful to have this contest as a vital contribution to our Community. I hope this review will give it a little plug. The new prompts look like fun. *Santahat*

*Starstruck* Keep on being who you be and doing what youdo as you write on!

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight* Hi ruwth! It is fun to see you on the Rodeo postings! *Cowboyhat*

*Rainbowl* Wow! I really liked your application of the weather advisory prompt! Brilliant and inspirational! *startsuck*
Prefacing with a quote from Longfellow adds weight to its importance and introduces the reflective philosphical interpretation to come. It adds interest for me as I do like wisdom relating to nature. We are all interwoven. Well done!

*Lightning*The style of writing has a personal tone and using the "we" is inclusive as you invite us to ponder with your query line. The teaching is gentle and spoken from life experience. Your faith is evident.

*Rain* The piece was easy to read and flowed well , coherently developing the metaphor. I had to smile at the desire for a divine weather warning. Wouldn't that be cool? *Smile* The way we focus so much on weather in real life, I wonder if we don't end up making it worse with collective thought instead of just being in the moment with the weather and trust higher even in these smal things over which we have no control. You make really good points! *Thumbsup*

*Dropb* I wonder if adding a personal real life anecdote after the 7th paragraph might add to the weight of the message and a more personal connection. Readers might see something of their own life in one of your "storm weathering experiences".

*Clouds*I felt there was a bit of a jump from paragraph 7 to the last one like something missing, especially as you begin the last paragraph with "And". *Rolleyes*

*Clouds* This line sounded awkward: "The best tool for dealing with the storms of life that I have found is" . I wonder if turning it around like: "I have found that the best.." would flow better.

*Rainbowr* I enjoyed the positive and encouraging vibration or this expression that will touch seeking hearts. *hearts*

Thanks for sharing your crafting of this heartfelt message. Awesome job with the prompt!



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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* Congrats timtu! You're receiving a gift from "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. ! The Fossil Fuel Package has been ordered for you from: Samberine Everose Author Icon. Enjoy! *Fire* I am not a story writer but am happy to offer my perspective of a reader. *Delight*

*Dragon*Wow! This is amazing and creative novel concept! I love your dragon world and the cool invented names for mixed creatures! The title is appealing and speaks to a coming series and the importance of the Golden Talon.

*Dragon*I appreciate your commentary on publishing and your back history and experience of writing such a work and trying to publish.

I wonder if the first part-the intro and author's note might be better in it's own item, linked to the page. Or as you are upgraded account--you could put these in a book item, so people could choose one chapter or part at a time to review. Your opening could be the intro to the book item and then the prologue could be in its own chapter. Not necessary , just an idea for consideration next time. It also breaks up the size.

*Dragon* It is so effective to begin the prologue with a quote as from the Dragon history books. It gives it a serious tone and lends atmopshere.

*Dragon* You drew me in from the first line and its awesome metaphor and you set the major problem that will underpin what will come! I have a hint this will be important.

*Dragon* The narrative is well written, I loved the flwo of language and It was easy for me to read and follow with clarity and coherence. The style reminds me of historical tone and gives great detail about this kingdom and its "dragreatures". While you do not explain the political structure totally you give hints. eg the Frist Arden... I am assuming this will have more detail in the story for those who like to know this kind of thing. Makes for vivid real culture. Ilike to get tot he character bits myself. *Wink* The background elements are essential to the coming tale. It is apparent that you have a great knowledge of this world. I easily bought in to the falling of the kingdom.

*Dragon*The character of the Trueblood Dragon is well shown and his motivation for his descent to "bully" is well accounted and believeable.

*Dragon* I liked that the King developed a plan to save the twins and his choice of saviour, who could manage in elements of sky, earth and water. The inconspicuous one--remidned me of the story of the Bojabi tree! LOL Well conceived and magical escape. I love portals.

*Dragon* I was totally engaged in the prologue and the amazing way you weaved the scenery into the described action. You leave enough threads un bound so they can be continued in the story. eg. what happens to king and the princess's parents--I predict she will be told more of the whole as she makes her journey to the queendom once more.

*Dragon* A quick edit will pick up some missing commas and I am sure an editor would pick up spots of wordiness and such. I am not sure how long prologues are to be but I enjoyed the read and the scope of the piece. Having background knowledge like this before diving in to a story makes sense to me as I do not like reading astory where so many questions pop up in the first few pages. *Smile*

*Starstruck* This preview is so telling of the impressive expression yet to come. Wow! Creative, original and well thought out piece from my POV!
Keep on scribing! *Fairyl**Starp*

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Shamrock*Hi Hooves! I am back with review two just for you! *Delight*

*Shamrock* I chose this one as I liked the title and place name. I also thought of the bell on a cow my friend used to have! *Bigsmile*
I always wanted to go to Ireland and lvoe the accent and songs from there! Sounds romantic.

*Fairyr*Your poem paints a vivid walk through various hihg points of Ireland and you give me a taste of the fare that greets you. The sights and sounds and tastes! It is clear that you enjoyed the experience from the atmosphere and tone of the expression.

*Shamrock*It was pleasing to read aloud as I could almost hear it as a song and if I spent some time could likely make up a tune. It is amazing how you wove the names of places and brews and products into the poem complete with rhythm and rhyme. A few places were not as smooth to flow but the overall picturesque and experiencial value overrides the off rhythms. *Smile*
Thanks for the little author' s note with the particular voacbulary. MM. toffee!

*Fairyr* I like the line about remembering how to live! Profound. The excitement evoked with the race back and I had to smile at the 4th line --I can imagine the roads. The ending that keeps on...--is so evocative and suits the vibe. Like a story you don;t want to end--or a place to go back to or a tale to continue. Cool!

*Starstruck*The page is appealing with its decor and the fantastic shot of the cows. I can imagine thme walking by the cobble streets. Yep definiitely how to live. Cozy and nurtured!

Thanks for sharing this realistic and heartfelt entertaining expression that appeals to the sense and imagination. I had fun on the journey!

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
eyestar
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Cowboyhat* Hi Thing (and Hooves too)! Thank you so much for your kind offering in purchasing my package in our "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.! *Heart* It is my pleasure to review to celebrate you! Here is review one!

*Fairyr* I could not resist this one as I was grazing in the pasture. I love songs and they count as poems, right? I mean I often sing my poems! LOL

*Hand1*This is so original and so reflects your aweseom inventive style--an honour to your generous and enthusiastic spirit that seeks to be supportive. *Delight*

*Hand2* I could so hear the tune and rhythm of the song and was entertained by the images and hints at competitions. I don't know these folks but it didn't seem to matter as I could imagine the hijinks!

*Hand* I laughed at the idea of Goldie's prom dress, and the leather jacket. I liked Hooves grazing under Athena! *Bigsmile* You really know how to mix all these images and personalties right up to the Dalai lama. the deli LLamma! *Laugh* I love your sense of humour!

*Fairyr*Just ran by to listen to the eagles and sang your lyrics. Pretty darn close for the most part. I would have to practice to get the phrasing perfect! Fab!! *Thumbsup*

*Starstruck* I like the appealling page and the record album cover at the bottom. Genius!!

More!! More!! *Delight*


Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
eyestar
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight*Welcome to WDC DM Carroll! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Star*


*Wave1* I was enchanted by your title that sparked my imagination as I drifted around the Read A Newbie Page!. *Wink*

*Wave2*This poetic lyric was lovely to read aloud and vivid in its atmopshere and imagery. I felt myself rocking with the flow as I read as if seeking comfort. It begins as a lullaby and yet the word "aching" gives a warning. It ties nicely into the dark image in verse 2. Well done!
I like the notion of a dream sequence as if memories surface from deep chaos and tragedy.

*Wave3* The verses are well balanced and the rhyme is effective. I thought the line ocnnectings in lines 3-4 and 7-8 and 11-12 were dramatic! *Thumbsup*
I felt out of the flow abit with the word "softly". eg. I notice the lines 7 and l0 have one more syllable than the matching line 3 of verse 1. Not major as ythe rhythm count is not even everywhere. These were just more noticable. *Wink*

*Starstruck*The images were well conceived and I liked the "chariots" and your soundscape with some alliterative qualities. The rocking waters contrast the darkening. This is a very evocative piece.

*Fairyr*Thanks for sharing your fine crafting . I really enjoyed the experience of your vision. *Delight* Keep the ink flowing and following your muse.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Introduction  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
*Delight*Welcome to WDC Heramac. ! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Angel*Oh, how cool! This isa really good start to an intro and I see it could be expanded for more detail. It feels like you jsut put your foot in the water. LOL You have given me the hint of how wonderful it tis to be of service in this way and how hard it was to share such gifts in the face of collective sameness and judgement. So many have had this same trial as being wayshowers with a different outlook and consciousness often are. I have several friends who have these gifts too. Good for you for following your heart.

*Fairyr*Beginning with a question is a good ploy to lead into your theme. Lines 4 and 5 just seem to hang and could be more coherently interwoven. They do give vital info about what makes up your experience.

*Smile*I would start a second paragraph with the next question and expand. You could even drop it and dive right into "For me.." I like the follow through into the next line from here about not easy to let it be known and then the explanation.

*Star*A good synopsis from which to build your bio. Keep on writing! And welcome to our WDC!!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Welcome to WDC David! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Laugh*I had to laugh at this bit of fun revealing the true story of Bo Peep as you view it! It felt like "the rest of the story.." in a newsreel voice!

*Smile*I wanted to change the wording in line 4 to "problem with flat.." so it flows better and addsa bit of rhyme for coherence and pun.
I was wondering about the rather vague "it seems"--would it be more direct to make it a statement of fact.
You say for certain she did not lose here sheep but then when you say "seems"..it is like a heresay--but maybe you mean it to be..? *Wink*

*Laugh*The title rocks and got my attention right off! The whole idea is entertaining. Thanks for sharing the unique idea in a fun way!
Carry on with the pen!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Bullying  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Dragon*Wow! This is a relevant topic for poetry and you have a powerful voice as you describe the actions and effects of bullying. The vision is clear in each poem. *Thumbsup* You really get the point across of how harmful it can be especailly in the last part of second poem. Well done.

*Dragon*I really enjoyed reading the rhyming verses aloud. You did a terrific job with the rhyme, finding key thematic words to rhyme so each line rhymes within each poem. Amazing!! I even smiled at the poetic liscense of "withdrew" , *Smile* instead of withdrawn.

*Dragon* The rhythm is not always even but it did not spoil the read for me as it had a unique flow and seriousness. Your second and third poems flow more easily than the first one, where the flow is more stilted. Certainly has a heavy feel to it, though.

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your views on this tragic trend, and the wish in the end that bullies would only realize...--I think we can all concur with that desire. This is a well conceived and potent message! *Thumbsup* Keep on expressing!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of Bird  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloony* Welcome to WDC David! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Star*

*Laugh*This song to so funny and I had a good laugh. Your description of the dog eating the turkey is so vivid I could imagine it! I loved line 5!

*Laugh*I don''t know the tune but the chorus and flow certainly feel like a ranting song. It has a quick pace and unique rhythmic voice.
While the rhyme had no pattern I still enjoyed the read. A ffew missing ocmmas too.

*Laugh* I like how you have two points of view-one in each verse--both suggesting the "goodness" of eating bird! Nice contrast. Well done.

*Laugh*The chorus reminds me of addictive focus--maybe the dog nagging for more! LOL

Thanks for sharing this lively entertaining expression! A great and original tribute to thanksgiving theme.*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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Review of The Seasons  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fire* Hi dandelion Man. This review is part of your Special Event Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.! We are catching up! *Delight*

*Leaf*Oh, this poem is a treasure! I love the japanese forms and so Here I am! *Smile*

*Flowerp*The senryu is an excellent choice for this moving concept of relationship. The metaphor is well conceived and explored in these short seasonal verses. The cycle of nature twined with the idea of changing relationship is brilliant.

*Snow1*The form is well done in line and syllables and content. I wondered about using the "we" twice in verse one and the word "then". I have read it is better not to use same words twice in short poems. I imagine it is difficult to compose these chains and the theme is coherent and flows well.

*Sun*The last line as question is effective--hope lingers.

*Starstruck*This poem well deserves its award and was fun to enter into and experience--it evokes the reader to bring their own perspectives to the piece--so it can be personal. Well done! *Smile*

*Fire* Keep the ink flowing and write on through more seasons!

eyestar
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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
HI Writing Jewel, I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


Oh I love haiku and am an avid student of this form so I dove right in here when I found your lovely expression!

*Rain* I really liked the idea in the second line-- an evocative metaphor of "nature's breath". The last line opens the reader to the whole universe happening in one moment as it rains. We are invited to imagine and ponder the mystery. *Delight*

*Rain* The form follows the traditional syllables and line count, natuer theme and showing a moment in time. I don't think haiku has capital letters or as much punctuation as you have here. Phrases are used more often than actual sentence type lines.

*Rain* I wanted to see more descriptive words for wind and rain raterh than the words words like "The" twice in the first line. Just to give amore vivid image.

*Starstruck* You give me lots to ponder in this conception, which I what I appreciate in haiku. Thanks for sharing your haiku craft! *Delight*

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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Review of The Fall of Hope  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
HI,Joseph! I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


*Leaf*I really had fun in experiencing your tribute to fall! The voice and pace is lively-full of energy.
The title is evocative as I can see the positive and negative connotations of the fall--of hope! Cool!

*Leaf*Thee vocabulary is brilliant and vivid for the theme. I like the idea of "urgency" with"grace" a unique contrast.
Evocative concept of "new embrace"--I see jumping in leaves but also getting ready for new seasonal weather.

*Leaf*The thought of feeling great about fall yet wondering why it is thrill when perhpas we should not be looking forward to winter..is interesting too. Calls forth enjoying the moment as it is! *Thumbsup*

*Leaf* I think you need a comma after "oh" in line one. I wonder if you need both "what" and "such" together in line one.

*Leaf* The voice is personal and has a reflective tone. I felt drawn into the experience as your questions appeal to the audience. Very engaging. *Delight*

*Leaf* Reading the poem with its lively rhyme and changing rhythms, which added drama, was a pleasure . *Thumbsup*

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your vibrant expression and crafting.

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
HI Demolition, I see your rising star shining brightly and I offer my perspective on this crafting.*Star*


*Bird*Wow! This is brilliant in concept and as a dedication that reflects history today! It is very potent in voice, vision and it's heartfelt query in the end. *Thumbsup* Many can relate to that lament--given the unknowable.

*Bird*The biblical story is vividly recounted in poetic form with avid and thematic vocabulary and well composed rhyme and rhythm scheme.
Vivid images like "vipers" and soundscapes like "Herod's hatred" and "bloddy breed" are appealing in builidng the atmosphere and feeling.

*Bird* Its flow is easy to read aloud like hymn and the repeated query lines in the later verse serve as powerful emphasis of the anguishing wondering of the speaker-Joseph. It gives emotional potency and shows the ultimate confusion that makes no sense to aht was expected by a saviour.

*Bird*The voice is consistent and the transition from story telling to the direct appeal to God is natural.

*Starstruck* Thank you for sharing this heartfelt and potent commentary in such a n expressive way. It brings home how little some places and behaviours have remain unchanged in the world. *Sad*

Keep dipping the quill into the muse's inkwell and scribe on!
It has been a privilege to read your work.

eyestar

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Review of Voyager  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Fairyr* HI JJ! Here I am with a review to celebrate you and your generosity in "Stardust Auction" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here are my thoughts as a reader, as I am not a story writer myself.

"Voyager" is a remarkable adventure episode portrayed with vivid detail of life aboard a storm tossed ship. The narrative voice and POV is consistent and I could easily enter into Mikhail's vision and thoughts. I like history and you have brilliantly captured the essence of this era and the heavy atmosphere of below deck in this crisis.

The descriptions of the ship and its galley are full of rich detail and I could follow the boys' movements throughout the ship. The galley with its dirty dishes.smells and moldy food gives us a clear picture of conditions on the ship at the time. Not fun!

Vocabulary is fitting for the time and you have creative ideas--"dodging clusters of utensils" "swinging gauntlet of pots" ..they really give me a visual. The descriptions of Olin, and the island girl are wonderful.

The addition of runic sayings and superstitious items add to the flavour of the times and the drama.
Mikhail's letter reflects the style of language and information that might occur in ship's diary. Well done. I really felt for this character.

It feels like much research and effort has gone into creating this episode and I admire how you show the actions eg. Mikhail's finding shore, walking through the ship etc. We get a real bird's eye view of all the elements and setting as he moves. Awesome.

I like the ending as it sets us up for the next part--the new life I assume. I want to know what happens next and if he was the only survivor.

A couple of missing aprostrophes: "hearth's ..cauldron", "ship's odorous bowels".
I would eliminate adverbs with "ly" as apparently they are not in fashion these days.

The style of writing with its bit of reflective flavour suited the historic theme. It is a balanced mix of narrative and action. I really enjoyed the journey.*Starstruck*

Thanks for sharing your craft. *Quill* Keep your quill handy and write on!

eyestar


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Review of Holding me back  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Fire* Hi Dreamer1808! This review is the final part of yourSpecial Event Packagefrom "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.! *Delight*

Wow! You have really portrayed a depressive atmosphere. The idea that you can't get free and the future is doomed to be like the past history is potent and at the end we feel the hopeless conclusion. I can hear the plea, the promise or deal, the questioning tht is so common when one is refelcting on life and its chaos. I am sure many can relate to this moment.

The voice is personal and vulnerble and the verse flowed fairly well when I read aloud. The rhythm is not even and the rhyme is well done, adding to the flow. I wanted to skip "back" in line 3, verse 3. The last line here had potent energy .

In the second verse "can not" should be one word "cannot".
In the second last verse you use "feel" twice in one line. Maybe use "be free" in the second intance. Better to have variety of words.

This has a sad tone that makes me hope that there can be a happier a persepective around the corner after this release .

Thanks for sharing this personal emotional expression. *Starstruck* Keep writing!

eyestar
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Review of Foraging Food  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
*Treepine*Greetings Lisa! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

I really like the idea of a season "dawning" and your image sets up the theme of fall.

The haiku format is correct in syllable and line though you do not need capital letters. I did not have a sense of a cut line--or turning point that is the tough part to create in haiku. Haiku sets up a moment in time where two views occur together.

In short poems it is better not to use the same word --eg "winter" twice. I wondered about the squirrel and what this food was. Adding vivid detail would give a more clear picture of this moment in time. *Wink* You might use the word "forage" from the title in the second line and take out "winter". eg"forages for food" gives a stronger image.

Thanks for your vision and crafting of this form. *Starstruck*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


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Review of The Autumn Gala  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Treepine*Greetings Maryann! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

I really enjoy the whimsical vibration of this haiku and the appealing page. *Smile* I can imagine the "dance" of the leaves and like the idea of the squirrels. *Laugh* You capture this fall moment in a vivid, engaging manner.

The form is well constructed and the turning point of the last line works. Nice use of the "w" sound as well. I have the impression of fall from the imagery so I am not sure you need the word "Fall". Maybe another descriptor would work. LOL like walnuts! *Laugh*

I also enjoyed the sound combinations and it was fun to read aloud. Well done.

Thanks for sharing your fine crafting of haiku. You make fall fun. *Starstruck*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

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Review of Autumn haiku  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Treepine*Greetings Mike! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

Wow! The first line made me feel sad for the passing season and evoke thoughts of other losses, l like children leaving home, old barns rotting away. You caught my attention and I entered the dream from another place. *Smile* The atmosphere so reflects the season.

The haiku form is well structured and conceived and was pleasant to read. Autumn is evoked in your weaving and I like how you showed the wind without saying it was windy in the second line! *Smile* Your last line changes our view from the higher branches to the leaves on the ground below. I am drawn to consider the fate of the leaves .

I was wondering how to not use "and". *Rolleyes* I also thought that leaves crunch underfoot.

I was reading a class instruction on line once a that gave a challenge to make each of three line make sense if you read from bottom to top or top to bottom--hard to do. I could see you making this do it with a few tweaks . LOL *Wink*

This is fine a model of haiku. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your crafting and thanks for the journey.

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Treepine*Greetings Ben! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

*Smile* The title of this haiku is attention grabbing and evocative in itself, *Delight* though usually traditional haiku are not titled but for ease of identification. I had to smile at the bit of humour.

The poem was delightful to read and I liked the alliterative flow and image of the second line. I could really visualize the stubborn leaves clinging and and losing the battle. The last line has potent emotional impact and I have often seen one odd leaf and imagined its lone status. It also creates the cut to another perspective effectively. *Thumbsup*

I imagine a metaphor as the last line reminded me of military idea of not leaving any behind though facing the hardships of battle and cliniging to hope. Brilliant! *Smile*

The haiku form is correct and well conceived in concept honouring fall. no capital letters are required here and punctuation is used in small amounts for effect. I am wondering about commas in the second line--I will need to study more on this. Seems to me to work both ways. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this fine crafting and for drawing me into a journey. *Starstruck*

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

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Review of Autumn Haiku  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Treepine*Greetings Skeason! Welcome to WDC and Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

Wow! This is a truly evocative expression that draws the reader to be involved with the concepts and add their intrepretation. Several images come to mind and I so enjoyed the mythological reference. Brilliant.

The atmosphere you create is potent and the image of the coming cold, the dying time is evident. I wonder if this is a haiku-senryu mix in form as it involves person/myth as opposed to a strict nature image. It is certainly well conceived. *Thumbsup*

Your structure is strong in its syllables, lines and evocation. The theme of fall is evoked in a unique way.
I wasn't too keen on the word "thickness" as it isn't to be vivid as noun image.

This is amazing expression in the Japanese style.*Starstruck* I hope you will write more.

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

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Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Treepine*Greetings turtlemoon! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest" Open in new Window.! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

Wow! I could really visualize this moment in time. *Leaf* I see me walking on fallen leaves that is like a painting on the path. I can smell the musty scent though did not relate the colour making scents in the first line.

I always enjoy your artistic vocabulary and like the idea of imprints. I recall making dried leaf imprints on paper. Thanks for taking me on a journey beyond your vision. Hiaku is best when it evokes the reader to her own interp.

The haiku form is structured well in lines and syllables and the alternate turning point. *Smile*
Adding the "we" puts it a bit into the senryu-haiku, rather than traditional haiku, as it adds a person. I am just being picky for the contest. *Wink*

I enjoyed playng in your vision and the blend of the different senses you add to the atmosphere. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your gift.

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

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