The author fleshes out an idea for a novel she'd like to write.
WHAT I LIKED
I thought this was a good exercise in helping to flesh out novel. It brainstorms characters and plot, and while the plot isn't clearly established, I could the author had a clear idea of the type of story she'd like to tell. This would be a good read for those beginning authors who want to tackle novel writing.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
As far the techincal aspects as to how this piece is presented, I have no suggestions for improvement. As to the idea or the plot presented, I would offer this suggestion.
Usually readers are willing to suspend belief on one major plot element. For fantasy novels, most are willing to believe in magic. When you have strong fanstay like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, backed up by rich characterizations, readers are willing to suspend more. On Science Fiction, usually though, they are only willing to suspend the one major plot element. That said, the author will have to focus on the aspect of time travel to make the story work. That will have to developed to a believeable degree of workability so the reader will believe it.
This is a small scene/excerpt from the author of a woman running from something.
WHAT I LIKED
There's a good blend of action and emotional content here. The woman is upset, confused, and yet finds the strength to confront her fears. While short, I liked how the author tapped into the anxiousness of the character.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the 3rd person by the woman. POV Narration stays on track. Past tense is used appropriately.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest an edit for punctutation. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestion as noted above. I liked what I took away from this: "Face Your Fears." It's not an easy thing to do, but it is "real life" and something people have to do on a daily basis.
The author takes a walk through several romantic spots, lamenting her own lack of a romantic life.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the introspection here. I thought the author did a great job tapping into emotions and fleshing out the question we ask at one point or another - "What is love? What does it mean to have that significant other in our lives?"
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the author. Past tense is used effectively.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling or puncutation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. I enjoyed the ending and how the author came to their conculsions. I also thought the ending was hopeful and inspirational.
A soldier writes about a battle he's been in (from World War I).
WHAT I LIKED
The ending paragraphs were great - I loved how the author tapped into emotion, talking about what was in his heart.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling or puncutation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. The description of the battle was good I thought, if not a little formal, but the 2nd to the last paragraph really taps into what the writer of the feeling and it brought the humanity of the writer.
Veronica realizes that the feelings Scott has for her are very real despite the fact he's a robot.
WHAT I LIKED
There's a nice blend of genres here. The romance/love of it works nicely with the science fiction aspect.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person mainly from Veronica's perspective. I just have one note on POV narration where it switches to Scott for a little bit while in Veroncia's POV with the paragraph starting "She opened her eyes, pinning an impatient gaze on the flustered A.I...." You might want to tightened that up a little. We can't know what Scott is thinking if Veronica is telling the story. She can guess, but she doesn't know for sure unless he tells her. Past tense is used appropriately.
Line breaks were used correctly to shift scenes in the story.
DIALOGUE
I thought the dialogue was appropriate to the story.
CHARACTERS
Veroncia, Scott
I really enjoyed Scott and his flashbacks. Despite being a robot, he was very human and by the end of the story I had the sense that Veronica did make that connection with him.
DESCRIPTIONS
If anything, I would have enjoyed a few more descriptions. Since this is a futuristic world, just a sentence or two touching on Veronica's surrounding and giving a sense of where she was at would have added to the story.
FIRST 3 PARAGRAPHS
The first 3 paragraphs peeked my interest regarding the role science fiction would play in the story and it kept me reading.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as noted above. I thought the plot/pacing of the story was just right.
Keep writing!
Reviewed by StephB from the Sandbox.
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The story follows a coin as it goes through a day's journey.
WHAT I LIKED
The mystery is intriguing.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in various pov narration, 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. POV shifts appropriately with line breaks. While I'm usually not a fan of 2nd person tense, the author does a wonderful job incorporating it into the story to where it works. I would recommend this to beginning authors as a good example of 2nd person narration.
Past tense is appropriately.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue is appropriate to story. There's a good balance of dialogue and narration.
MECHANICS & SOUND
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes. There were no choppy or uneven sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I found the coin took on a life of it's own as it traveled through various hands. Also, good descriptions throughout. I have no suggestions for improvement.
I thought this was very sad. The author tapped into emotion well.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person by Janet. POV narration is good. Past tense is used correctly.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue is appropriate.
MECHANICS & SOUND
I might suggest an edit for spelling & puncutation.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
For being a short piece, I thought the author did a good job capturing Janet's character. The story's dark ending is delievered in such a manner the reader is emotionally shocked.
I might suggest spacing between paragraphs here on WDC to make it easier on the reader's eyes.
Hello, it's StephBee with a Simply Everything Review.
THE ESSAY
The author talks about her roving eye.
WHAT I LIKED
Again, this was a fun piece to read, and I'm with you. I am totally devoted to my husband, but I don't mind looking. While you have Mr. A, I have Roger Howarth, the soap actor. I have no idea how my husband gets by! Haha.
THE BODY
I think this is a topic that others can understand and identify with. I think it's only human. I liked the author's writing style. It's very easy and engaging, making this a good, fun read.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING TOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. Thanks for sharing.
Hello, it's StephBee with a Review from the Sandbox.
THE STORY
While in college a man is attracted to another man.
WHAT I LIKED
This was a very romantic. The romance was a sutble layer in the subtext, which provided me with a slow, yet steady build of Jared's emotional state.
NARRATION/TENSE
The story is told in the first person from Jared's perspective. Tense switches from present to past and I might suggest writing the story in the past tense only.
DIALOGUE
I thought the dialogue was realistic. If anything, watch your dialogue tags and try not to include action inthe tag, use a seperate sentence. Simply write, "How was your test?" he asked. Then as if forgetting, he reached for his notebook, tucked haphaziderly under his arm.
CHARACTERS
Jared, Damon
Both are well fleshed out. It's easy to like both. Good job with characterization.
DESCRIPTIONS
There was just enough to paint the scenes.
FIRST 3 PARAGRAPHS
While not action oriented, I liked how the first 3 paragraphs grabbed any attention and held it. "We never speak of it. The subject is taboo," immediately peaks the reader's curiousity factor.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
A woman makes a new year's resolution to lose weight.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the plot. It was very Stephen King-esque in that horror can be found in the simpliest things.
NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person from Courtney's perspective. Good job with past tense.
CHARACTERS
I liked Courtney a lot. She was down to earth and I could easily identify with her struggle and desire to lose weight.
DIALOGUE
Good job with the dialogue.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. I liked the ending. It was perfect. The story fit the writing prompt and the word count was listed for the contest.
I thought this poem addressed the question, "Why am I here?"
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the last stanza. It was very upbeat and positive.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with the 2nd and 4th lines rythming.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest not to skip lines within the stanzas. While it's not hard to read, it is disconcerting to see the poem spaced so far out.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. A very inspirational poem.
The author's arguements are clear and consise. I thought the examples were great - well thought out and aruged effectively.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person. Past tense is used appropriately.
MECHANICS & SOUND
There were no uneven or choppy sentences. I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. If anything, while the essay touches on the human need to eat and to suffer, I might also suggest touching on the need for female companionship. I think that will round out the essay. Still, that's a matter of personal choice. This is one of the better essays I've seen here on WDC.
Hello, it's StephBee with a Review from the Sandbox..
THE STORY
A look at Bill and Martha's complicated relationship.
WHAT I LIKED
This is a very character driven story. There's no much action, but I liked the characterization. Dark in places, but real.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is written in the third person limited, mainly from Bill's perspective. I had a note around "Martha watched his figure..." as the POV switches from that point to her. I might suggest either a line break at a min. to change POV or keeping it strictly in Bill's POV. Some readers find POV switches disconcerting and confusing and most editors shy away from stories told in a multiple POV.
Past tense is used effectively.
CHARACTERS
Bill & Martha.
Bill is a drunk and Martha is his beleagured wife. Again, the characterization is fantastic and the strongest part of the story.
DIALOGUE
I found the dialouge to be a little halting. Also, the first dialogue between Bill & Martha is written almost as if this were a screenplay. The correct way would be:
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
My next suggestion would be to tighten the structure of the story up. While the sentences are complete, they don't feel smooth. For example, as written:
In the dull half-light of the morning, in which Bill would try and pickup the fragments of the night before, he would remember the conversation going something to the effect of:
I might suggest: As Bill laid in bed the following morning, trying to pick through the fragments of the night before, he remembered that Martha hadn't changed.
"Martha?"
"No, Bill."
"Why?"
Mind you, this basically is a matter of style and these are only suggestions for you which you can use or not.
My last suggestion is that the ending seems to just fall off as Bill goes in search of another drink. I might suggest tightening it up a little.
I'd love to rate the author higher if they do an edit.
This is a flash fiction which deals with Charley's experiences in Iraq.
WHAT I LIKED
It is a challenge to tell a story in the flash fiction format, the author really taps into some heartfelt, poignant emotions here. Good job!
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited in Charley's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense used appropriately.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
CHARACTERS
The story packs in a lot of characterization here. It's definately more character driven than plot driven. We take a look at Charley on guard duty and get to know him well before the war interupts us.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. A sad, yet true to life read.
A poem about why we escape to "fanstay" from time to time.
WHAT I LIKED
I've done this myself, escape for awhile and I think the reader will be able to identify with the poem because of that. The third stanza sums the reason for escaping well.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with the 1st and 3rd lines rythming.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes, but I might suggest an edit for punctutation in the second stanza.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. Good job with capturing emotion.
A sad vignette of a couple eating lunch who make an important decision that will effect their life.
WHAT I LIKED
The vignette captured the scene and the feeling of scene well.
POV NARRATOION
This is written in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion would be to space between paragraphs here on WDC. Makes it easier on the reader's eye. You might also want to enclose a note on what the prompt was.
The last line seems up the emotion well and struck a perfect note of sadness. Unfortunately most relationships end this way and I think most will be able to identify with this vignette.
The author emphany for a friend's plight comes across. "I was there too."
WHAT I LIKED
I like how each stanza took a feeling and dived into it, capturing empathy and concern.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. I love the wonderful care taken with this poem (and the others I've read) The reader can truly identify with the written word.
Great imagination - a big leap for the author to "go there" without having experienced these things in life.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes. In fact, I like how the author has punctutated this poem. (and the previous ones I've read.) I feel like she's taking loving care with her work.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. Again, wonderful expression. A truly heartwarming poem.
Keep Writing!
Reviewed by StephB from the Sandbox.
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WHAT I LIKED
