Hello, it's StephBee with a Best of the Rest Review.
THE FORUM
The forum plays host the author's dialogue contest.
WHAT I LIKED
It's a great tool that aspiring writers can you use to taken advantage of and hone their dialogue skills.
RULES
The rules were clearly stated and easy to understand.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes in the introduction.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. Good use of graphics and WDC ML. It's a dynamic contest that's very active on the site. Good luck in the Best of the Rest contest.
Two friends talk about "what-if" their relationship had taken a different turn.
WHAT I LIKED
The dialogue captures a lot of emotions, especially on Orin's part.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue is sharp, witty, and modern. It's easy to understand and carries the script well.
CHARACTERS
Orin, Sasha
Each character is distinct and the reader can identify with both.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. The stage directions weren't overwhelming, allowing the dialogue and characters to shine. A great example of a one act play.
The folder contains the author's short stories and writing projects.
WHAT I LIKED
The folder is neat and organized.
INTRODUCTION
The introductions sets the purpose of the folder for the reader, but I might suggest using a graphic to set the tone for the reader. Just a suggestion, nothing more.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The folder has several stories in it. I read "The Pen" and liked it.
These are the last lines of the chapter. The chapter isn't listed in full. Under static item description I might use "sample" instead of chapter. Just a suggestion.
WHAT I LIKED
Well, it definitely has a cliffhanger ending that makes you want to go on to chapter two.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited. Since it's a sample it's hard to know which person the perspective is in. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
The dialouge "Now who shall cry for me, she said". ends the chapter. I might suggest putting the quotes after the comma and not after said.
DESCRIPTIONS
I thought the descriptions were okay for the sample, I knew they were at a cliff and the woman was clearly unnerved by her body language.
CHARACTERS
Again, since this is limited, it's hard to know if throwing the baby off the cliff was a good thing or a bad thing, however it implies a bad thing has happened.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Again, I think you've got a good cliffhanger ending. You might consider posting the entire chapter.
The folder contains the author's poetry that has been written for contests.
WHAT I LIKED
The folder is well organized and neat.
INTRODUCTION
The introduction is simple and defines the folder. If anything, I might suggest a graphic or using some WDC ML to set the "tone" of the folder. A graphic would make it more eye-catching to readers. Just a suggestion, nothing more.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes in the introduction.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. There are several items in the folder and it's well used.
When Bill discovers that Jack is dead, he also discovers that Jack's been hording mail.
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the dialogue. It was very engaging. The start of the story was great. It grabbed my attention and the story held it throughout.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person mainly from Bill's perspective. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward. The dialogue is the strongest aspect of the story
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene. If anything, you could probably expand on this a little.
CHARACTERS
Bill, Jack
Bill is concerned about Jack. When he discovers that Jack is dead, he's hurt. Jack appears like a nice guy, but those who discover he's dead don't understand why he horded so much mail. The flashback explains a lot. I liked the characterization in this story. Bill, and even Jack, felt vital and alive to me.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
There's no easy way to fit the flashback in. Have you thought about opening the story with Jack sitting surrounded by a pile of his mail, remembering his wife, and then having the heart attack? You could do a switch to Bill discovering he's missing. Or maybe Bill can find a journal entry at the end of the story revealing the reason for Jack hording the mail? I think you've got a very interesting story, my only suggestion would try to make the events of the story a little more liner.
A young girl defends her brother when he gets teased for helping her out.
WHAT I LIKED
Emmy and her brother were so sweet with each other. Good characterization.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person mainly from the brother's perspective. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene. If anything, you could probably expand on this a little.
CHARACTERS
Emmy, Brother
I think you might have mentioned the brother's name, once, but I didn't mark it. If anything, I would mention it early in the story, maybe where Emmy says, "My doll won't dance."
The characters were very rich. I could identify with Emmy's frustration and her brother's need to help. How Emmy dealt with the bullies was so rewarding to me as a reader. Your characterization here is great.
MECHANICS
If anything, I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. Put the punctuation marks inside quotes. Example, as written: "...but I won't let her".
My suggestion: "...but I wouldn't let her."
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. A heartwarming read.
The sample is a plot outline of the author's fantasy work about the Zelkaven Sword.
WHAT I LIKED
I thought the outline was well thought out and framed the story well.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. The plot does appear similar to "Lord of the Rings," so I would caution as you start, not to follow the plot of "LOTR," but to make the work your own.
The folder contains the author's short stories and essays here on WDC.
WHAT I LIKED
The folder helps to organize the author's port. The content within the folder is appropriate.
INTRODUCTION
The intro describes the intent of the folder. If anything, you could jazz it up using WDC ML or by using a graphic to set the tone of the folder. Suggestions only.
MECHANICS
I might suggest checking the spelling on "preffered" and make the "r" a capital where you've written "reviews are appreciated."
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. Good organization. I'd love to see more content added as you continue here on WDC.
Hello, it's StephBee with a Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox review.
THE STORY
A young girl tells about her struggles with anorexia.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the use of the disclaimer. I also thought this was a very well thought out story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person mainly from Jessica's perspective. Good job with narration. I might suggest using the past tense. Most editors encourage it and it's not so disconcerting to the reader.
CHARACTERS
Jessica, (main)
Jessica suffers from something the reader wants her to overcome. She's very sympathetic in that regard.
DIALOGUE
There's just a little bit, but it fit with the topic of the story.
DESCRIPTIONS
This is a category you could easily expand on. I don't know much about anorexia. Why does their hair get soft? What does it fell physically? The self description in the mirror is a place were you can really elaborate on and draw the reader in.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. Also, I thought the story moved a bit too fast. I think if you slow it down a little, the reader can come away with a more profound sense of what it's like to have anorexia. The story fit the prompt (medical). The word count was not listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest!
Hello, it's StephBee with a Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox review.
THE SCRIPT
The script tells a comical story of several pirates, focusing on Pirate John's adventures.
WHAT I LIKED
It made me laugh. I could see this script being acted out. It was easy to read.
STRUCTURE
There was a cast of character listed. The stage directions were off set by italics.
CHARACTERS
The characters were interesting and entertaining. They were very likable.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue was realistic to the characters.
MECHANICS
If anything, I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. The ellipses could be replaced with periods. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestion as mentioned above. Again, very entertaining. The script fit the prompt (drama). The word count was not listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest!
Hello, it's StephBee with a Best of the Rest Review.
THE FOLDER
The folder houses the author's non-static items including polls, word searches, and in & outs. Since the folder houses non-static items, it will be allowed for the Best of the Rest contest.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the introduction. It was interactive and engaged the reader when you popped in. I loved how the author listed product reviews of helpful writing tool books.
CONTENT
The folder has a lot of different content that looks like fun.
MECHANICS
I did not spot and spelling/punctuation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. A fun folder to pop in to. Good luck in the Best of the Rest Contest.
Hello, it's StephBee with a Best of the Rest Review.
THE FORUM
The forum hosts the author's daily author challenges.
WHAT I LIKED
The contest posed daily writing challenges which help to keep author's sharp.
RULES
The rules listed and easy to understand, but I thought one might be left out. I think the contest started 28 MAR 2008, but when does it end? How many challenges will be offered? Is it a monthly contest? A two week challenge? I wasn't sure on that.
MECHANICS
I did not spot and spelling/punctuation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestion as mentioned above. Good use of graphics and WDC ML. Good luck in the Best of the Rest Contest.
A look at an artist who is committed for mental health issues.
WHAT I LIKED
Nice word play. I especially liked: "Portrain long tarnished by large scattered blots." I had a visual of an accomplished painting, tarnished by the mind.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem. Every other stanza rythmes at the end. There is no established meter.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. If anything, a case could be made for punctutation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
A thought provoking poem. Consider adding some punctutation. Great visuals, I felt like I was in a tortured mind.
Hello, it's StephBee with a Best of the Rest Review
I apologize for being extremely tardy with this. Real life has overwhelmed me. I can't thank you enough for your patience.
THE FORUM
The forum hosts the author's English as a Second Language support forum.
WHAT I LIKED
The forum appeared to very interactive. It encouraged members of the WDC community to come together.
STARTHE RULES
The rules were clearly stated.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. The introduction is appealing. Good use of graphics and WDC ML. I also thought this was a very unique forum and I hope it does well.
Hello, it's StephBee with a SHOW OFF YOUR BEST AT THE SANDBOX Contest Review.
THE STORY
The narrator does something different for the holidays and takes a well deserved vacation by herself.
WHAT I LIKED
This the narrator getting back in touch with who they were. In that regard it embodies the same message the holidays strive to deliver.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This was told in the first person. Good job with POV narration. Past tense was used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
CHARACTERS
Narrator
It's easy to understand where the narrator is coming from since they've had a rough year. How they spend their holiday isn't how most think, but it is very heartwarming to see the narrator take some well deserved time for themselves.
FIRST 3 PARAGRAPHS
It was a decent start to the story. Good character voice.
DESCRIPTIONS
There were just enough to set the time & place. If anything, you could expand on it.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation/spelling mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The story followed the prompt (holiday) writing and the word count was listed iaw the rules. A heartwarming holiday story. Good luck in the contest!
A nice reminder of the Christmas story. I liked how you played up Joseph's hestiation at becoming Jesus's father. It must have been overwhelming for him. Simple, easy to read. I did not notice any spelling mistakes. I have no suggestions for improvement.
A woman asks a private investigator to hide while gangsters hunt for her.
WHAT I LIKED
The story followed all the short story elements. Good focus on the main characters. There was a consise beginning and end. Great character voice. The elements blended well for a good story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first by Lou, the investigator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
CHARACTERS
Lou, Gloria
Every character was interesting. I liked how Lou was a good guy in the face of danger.
FIRST 3 PARAGRAPHS
They caught my attention using character voice well. Two thumbs up.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's just enough to set the scene. If anything, you could expand on this.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement, except maybe to expand on the descriptions a little bit more. A good read!
A very informative article about how to write poetry.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the author did 5 do's and then don't's. This was a very positive, upbeat instructional. Meter is so important in poetry and I'm glad to see the author tackle that here as well. I wholeheartidly agree that a piece should not be put until there's been at least one edit.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. A well writtenarticle that poetry writers will find helpful.
A very informative article about how to use dialogue in writing.
WHAT I LIKED
Dialogue can be a challenge, but the tips offered here are grounded in good, solid common sense. I liked read it out loud because I think dialogue in writing should be reflective of speech.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. A well written, consise article that writers/authors will find helpful. Congratulations on 1st place in the "Show Off Your Best Contest."
Hello, I'm StephBee and I'm a judge for Gemini Star's Gothic Horror Contest.
THE STORY
A woman is about to give birth to a werewolf.
WHAT I LIKED
Good plot and pacing. The story had a nice flow to it.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited through Quenten's perspective. Good job with POV Narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
CHARACTERS
Quenten (main)
The opening paints Quenten in a sympathic light and then the ending really gets to the horror of the birth. Quenten goes from sympathic to villain. Good job with characterization. It's what I would expect from a werewolf.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward well.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I liked the ending - it was consistent with gothic horror. Good luck in the Gothic Horror Contest.
Hello, I'm StephBee and I'm a judge for Gemini Star's Gothic Horror Contest.
THE STORY
Melanie takes her injured cat to the vet.
WHAT I LIKED
Good plot and pacing. The story had a nice flow to it. I liked how you started off, putting the reader into the action of the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited through Melanie's perspective. Good job with POV Narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
CHARACTERS
Melanie (main)
Melanie is likable and sympathic. The reader can feel the escalation of horror with her.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward. If anything, keep your dialogue tags simple, using "he said," or "she replied." Put the action in a seperate sentence.
Example: "I'll be back in an hour tops," she replied. Melanie leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her petulant boyfriend's nose.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. I liked the ending - it was consistent with gothic horror. Good luck in the Gothic Horror Contest.
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