Hello, it's StephBee with a contest review from Show Off Your Best
THE STORY
Riley, a dog who has it rough in life, encouters Jane who also doesn't have it easy.
WHAT I LIKED
This story really shows what the power of loving a pet a can do to help a person.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited. The scenes skip narrators appropriately by using line breaks so it's not confusing to the reader. Good job. Past tense was used appropriately.
1ST 3 PARAGRAPHS
It was a decent start to the story. There's some nice introspection on Jane's part.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue drives the story forward.
[b} CHARACTERS
Riley (the dog)
The dog has it rough when his mommy dies while he's a puppy and he goes through a series of owners before meeting Jane. What I liked is that the chraracterization of Riley was similiar to what people go through when they go through the same events. Riley proves resiliant which is inspiring to all.
DESCRIPTIONS
There were enough to set the scene. If anything, I think you could expand on this a little, and little places. By touching on senses like smell, taste, touch in an appopriate place, you can add nicely to a scene.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctutation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as listed above. I loved the ending and I was satisifed that Jane would give Riley a good home. The story fit the prompt of the contest (pet writing) and the word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest!
Hello, it's StephBee with a contest review from Show Off Your Best
THE STORY
A girl remembers her dog.
WHAT I LIKED
This is a really nice, heartwarming story. It's a wonderful look at how much the dog meant to the narrator's life.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the narrator. Past tense is used appropriately.
1ST 3 PARAGRAPHS
It was a decent start to the story, setting the tone well.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue moves the story forward. There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
[b} CHARACTERS
Narrator
The narrator is a young woman who is digging her dog's grave, a dog she's had since she was a little girl. Smokey (the dog) needed a little extra care since he suffered from seizures, and he really grew to be a wonderful part of the girl's life. As a reader, I felt like I got to know Smokey well.
DESCRIPTIONS
There were enough to set the scene. If anything, I think you could expand on this a little.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as listed above. A nice character driven story with a heartwarming message about how important pets are to our lives. The story fit the prompt of the contest (pet writing) and the word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest!
Hello, it's StephBee with a "Simply Positive" Review.
THE STORY
While out taking a walk on the first day of summer, the narrator encounters a freak snow storm.
WHAT I LIKED
While unusual, I've encountered storms like this myself in my native New England and in Germany. They have little to no warning and their assault is immediate and quick. I loved the descriptions used here to set the scene, especially the one about Crayola's muse.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with POV narration. Past tense was used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There was no dialogue in the story
{c} CHARACTERS
Narrator
I got a sense that the narrator had a nice respect for nature and it's ways. There's a sense of understanding oneself well in the narrator's voice.
FIRST 3 PARAGRAPHS
My only suggestion would be to start with action, which is a challenge given the descriptive nature of the story. Still, it's workable. You can talk about the "clouds racing in," "the sun ducking behind the clouds," "tree branches swaying almost uncontrollably." You could begin with your walk, casual and leisurely that turns into a trot. By starting with action, you grab a reader's attention a little more effectively than if you don't.
DESCRIPTIONS
Two on the descriptions. You paint the scene well.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I think you might need two "?" with "Had I imagined this?" "What just happened?" There were no even or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. A good, compact story that gives the reader a moment in nature.
The poetry is great. The folder is well organized.
INTRODUCTION
The introduction sets the tone for the folder and what to expect. If anything, and this is more a matter of style, you could also consider using a graphic to give the folder a visual cue as to the tone as well. Again, it's just a matter of style. The folder is top notch.
MECHANICS
I did not spot and spelling or punctutation mistakes in the introduction.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. A great folder, well deserving of it's awardicon.
I love the imagery in the first stanza. It allowed me to form a clear picture in my head. It was historical (which I like) and the last stanza really brought it home when it suggested we were condemned to repeat past mistakes.
STRUCTURE
The 1st, 3rd, and 4th lines of each stanza rythme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot and spelling mistakes. A case could be made for punctuation.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. I loved the word play. I thought the poem was poignant and a nice tribute to American's past.
The introduction states what the folder is about. If anything, I might recommend using a graphic to set the tone of the folder. Just a suggestion, nothing more.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. A well organized folder and a nice collection of poetry.
I loved the repetation of the line "As once he was a child," and the last line "But...no longer a child." It really helped to drive the transition home. Well done.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme. There is an established meter. The poem has a nice flow to it.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. Nice word play. The poem is easy to read and lingers with the reader.
A small American town is invaded by small green larvae.
WHAT I LIKED
The plot and and pacing were very good. The story had a good, grabbing beginning and and a good ending. It was fluid and moved well. There was never a dull moment.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with POV narration. Past tense is used effectively.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration, but I might suggest an edit to clean up the technical aspects of the dialogue. For example, as written:
"PLASTIC!", I said.
My suggestion: "Plastic!" Then I repeated...
Watch comma used here in the tag, it's not needed.
CHARACTERS
Narrator (main)
The narrator is in the heart of the action. As a reader, I could feel his anxiety. A strong supporting cast helps to kill the aliens.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the place, but this is definately an area you can expand on. What did the green larvae smell like? Rotting eggs? A little description can go a long way. Here's an example:
The light was pale green and pulsing from the 2 foot larvae at his feet. Clem wrinkled his nose. I gagged. Damn thing smelled like rotting eggs.
It just adds an added dimension to the alien invaders and adds to their "Ickiness."
MECHANICS
I would suggest an edit for spelling and punctuation mistakes. In regards to this, I would definately rate you higher if you did it. Double check your spelling on words that you aren't sure of. Take out unneccesary comas.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. I think you've got a GOOD rough draft. I think once you do an edit, clean up the mechanics, you should consider entering this into the Writer's Digest Pop Fiction contest for this year. It's a good horror story.
The narrator learns to "let go," after the death of a friend.
WHAT I LIKED
This was a good, poignant, emotional read.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person from the narrator's perspective. Good job with POV narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
Moves the plot forward. Well done.
DESCRIPTIONS
Good descriptions. One thing I'm always on the look for is the use of adverbs. Overdone, adverbs can weigh down a piece. What a LOVED here is how you've used adverbs EFFECTIVELY. "He smiled weakly," was perfect and described not only Michael's expression, but helped the reader to draw upon emotion.
CHARACTERS
Narrator
The narrator immediately draws on the author's emotions with phrases like "taste the pain," and "the cold month of December." The narrator is sad to lose a friend and that comes across well.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. There's one spelling mistakes, "ever" for "every." There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. A good piece that draws on emotion well.
A detective and his wife go on vacation and themselves in the middle of a mystery when their camping neigbor is found dead.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the author's writing style. The story was easy to read and follow along. The clues to mystery unfolded in an orderly fashion.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Aggie, the detective's wife. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.
CHARACTERS
While Aggie is the storyteller, it's her husband, Buddy who is the main character. He's a very likable guy and proves himself oh, so human, when he admits to having an affair with his partner. (before he was married to Aggie.)
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene, but this definately something the author can expand on. By tapping into the five senses just a wee bit more will allow the reader to visualize the surroundings.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The story moves well and keeps the reader engaged.
Set in Chicago, Lou Ryan is a private eye who promises to help a friend when that friend lets his own client down.
WHAT I LIKED
The author did a fantastic establishing the character's voice and capturing the feel for the time in which the story is set.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Lou. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.
CHARACTERS
Lou (main).
Lou is likable detective. He's smart and brave, but his attitude towards Gloria is a just a wee-bit sexist without being over the top.
DESCRIPTIONS
Even though the descriptions were on the thin side for me, the author did a great establishing time, place, and setting with them. This is something that can be expanded on. I loved the description about "getting his fedora in a crunch."
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes, however I might suggest an edit for punctuation. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. I loved the pacing of the story. The story was easy to read and follow.
A webpage dedicated to celebrating Earth Day which is 22 APR.
WHAT I LIKED
I love how kiyasama expresses herself in her graphics. They are warm and welcoming. The webpage hosts some wonderful links to other WDC members static items which discuss Earth day. It's an interactive page and a great way to celebrate our appreciation of the Earth.
MECHANICS
I did not spot and spelling/punctuation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
Holly finds a fairy who is in charge of making the snow fall .
WHAT I LIKED
A very sweet, nice story. It warmed my heart.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited from Holly's perspective.Good job with POV narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the plot forward.
CHARACTERS
Holly
Holly's character is wonderfully captured in this short. She's very real to me - especially in the fact that she wants to keep the snow fairy, even though that's not a wise thing after the fairy heals.
DESCRIPTIONS
Good descriptions. They set the scene. Crisp and sharp.
MECHANICS
I did not spot and spelling/punctuation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. I'm not sure of the word count on this, but I would recommend submitting the story to the 77th Writer's Digest writing competition under the children's category. It's a wonderful story for kids.
A historical look at Mary, Queen of Scots on her last day.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the emotion the poem draws out of the reader. That's what drama is all about.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme. There is no established meter.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
My only suggestion would be to mention either Mary or Elizabeth in the body of the poem to let the reader know definatively who the poem is about. I know you mention it in the by-line, but I was thinking, the subject of the poem could easy be misinterpted as Marie Antoinette. You painted the scene of the poem well. Keep writing.
The biography appears well researched and accurate. I liked the more "in depth" peek into his early life and his influences. It helped to get to know him better. I especially liked how he swore off alcohol when it came to wanting to be with the woman he wanted to be with. That takes a lot of conviction.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. My only suggestion here would be to take out the narrator's comentary in most places. It was kind of distracting to me. Suggestion only. Past tense is used appropriately.
SETTING/DESCRIPTIONS
The descriptions help to set the scene of the story. I really got a feel for the time and place in which Custer grew up in. The author did a good job here.
MECHANICS
I might suggest a minor edit for punctutation. I did not spot any spelling mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
BODY OF WORK
The story starts off with an overview of Custer's early life including his parents and family and takes the reader through his early years in an orderly fashion - a must for historical drama.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. Also, the end leaves the reader anxiously waiting part two. I'd love to read the rest of Custer's biography as soon as you add to it. Keep writing.
Hello, this is StephBee with a Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox Review.
THE STORY
Ravi tries to impress a girl, but finds out she's "unimpressionable."
WHAT I LIKED
Great title. It's very interesting and very true when it comes to love.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited mainly from Ravi's perspective. Good job with POV narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's not much dialogue. The story is mostly narration. The dialogue used to highlight moments in the narration.
1ST 3 PARAGRAPHS
These paragraphs have great description in them, but I might suggest incorporating some action or some dialogue in them to draw the reader into the story immediately.
CHARACTERS
Ravi, (main)
Ravi is a nice guy who's a little shy and that makes him sweet and likable.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes of the story. If anything, you could expand on this by tapping into the five senses.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The ending was "spot on," and fit the title of the story well. The entry followed the prompt (romance) and the word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest!
Hello, this is StephBee with a Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox Review.
THE STORY
Connor and the narrator admit their true feelings for each other.
WHAT I LIKED
I thought the author did a good job capturing that awkward moment between a young man and woman where they move past childhood crushes to a more mature love.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with POV narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I might suggest not putting in action with the dialogue tag. Most professional editors would also caution against it. Make the action a separate sentence.
For example: Connor flashed me that dazzling smile of his I'd come to adore. "I really wanted that granola bar you know."
I also suggest using he said or she replied, only to establish who is talking when it might be confusing.
1ST 3 PARAGRAPHS
The first 3 paragraphs set the time/place well, but I might suggest adding some action to it to draw the reader in. Perhaps they're racing down the beach? Searching for starfish on the rocks at the beach?
CHARACTERS
Connor, narrator (main)
Both have their own distinct personalities and are very likable.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to allow the reader to picture the story in their mind. If you wanted, you could probably expand on describing the beach. Is the sun setting? Is there sea salt in the air? Is there a bonfire or a clam bake? By adding subtle description such as that, it will help augment the romantic scene you're painting with words.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.
SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS
Suggestions as mentioned above. I liked the setting of the beach. The entry followed the prompt (romance) and the word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest!
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THE STORY
WHAT I LIKED
on the descriptions. You paint the scene well. 
