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751
751
Review by StephBee
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, this is StephBee and I'm judging this contest for Best of the Rest.

*Reading* THE FORUM

The forum hosts the author's romance/erotica contest.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved how professionally the contest was presented.

*Star* CONTENT/RULES

The rules were clearly listed. The previous month's winners were listed. Great prizes.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes in the introduction.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

I have no suggestions for improvement. A well done contest for erotica that appears to be very active. Good use of graphics and WDC ML. Good luck in the Best of the Rest Contest.

Best of the Rest Banner
752
752
Review of Blue Roses  
Review by StephBee
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, it's StephBee with a Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox Review.

*Note1* This review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Juliet dies and goes to the realm of the dead.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Juliet's death scene was interesting. It was an interesting way to start the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person ominiscent. Line breaks are used appropriately. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration, it does not drive the story.

*Star* 1ST 3 PARAGRAPHS

The opening shows Juliet's death. It gets the reader's attention.

*Star* SETTING

Time: unsure,
Place: unsure, underworld

If anything, this could be clarified.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scene. If anything, you could expand on this.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctutation.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The story does not fit the contest prompt (gothic) and the word count was not listed in accordance with the contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

RULES FOR GOTHIC LIT
Women in distress
A powerful/tyrannical male figure who initially appears to be the villian but turns out to be the hero in the end
Set in a castle, estate, or manor
High emotion
Metonymies are used (weather is used to convey emotion, rain for sadness for example)

A good modern day gothic tale is "The 13th Tale," by Diane Setterfield.

Blue ribbon banner for contest.
753
753
Review of Racquel  
Review by StephBee
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, it's StephBee with a Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox Review.

*Note1* This review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

A traveller meets a mysterious woman.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the address to the "Dear Reader."

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited mainly from Sylvan's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue doesn't drive the story, it's used mainly to accent the narration. In that regard, the story is most "told" to the reader as opposed to "showing" the reader. I might suggest incorporating more showing/action scenes.

*Star* 1ST 3 PARAGRAPHS

The opening paragraphs are long and very telling. I would suggest using more action to involve the reader.

*Star* SETTING

Time: unsure, modern day?
Place: unsure

If anything, this could be clarified.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scene. If anything, you could expand on this.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctutation.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The story does not fit the contest prompt (gothic) and the word count was listed in accordance with the contest rules. Good luck in the contest.

RULES FOR GOTHIC LIT
Women in distress
High emotion
A powerful male who initially comes off as the bad guy, but turns out to be the hero in the end
Metonymies are used. (ie rain used to communicate emotion, sadness perhaps)
A castle, manor, or estate is used as the setting

Blue ribbon banner for contest.
754
754
Review of Blazing Hopes  
Review by StephBee
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, it's StephBee with a Bard's Hall Review.

*Note1* This review is based on professional editing points. It is not intented to be personal in nature, but constructive, helpful, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Gregory is a killer in pursuit of a child and Juliet.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The dialogue is well done. The tags are spot on.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

The story is told in the third person omniscient. I would suggest using Gregory's perspective to tell the story. Let the reader connect with one of the characters. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue drives the story, but the narration is limited and it's not easy for the reader to understand why the characters are in the situation they're in or why they are reacting the way they are.

*Star* OPENING

The opening is more "telling" than showing. Gregory is watching a fire engulf a warehouse. Does he connect with the fire? Put the fire in motion through his thoughts and feelings.


*Star* ENDING

Gregory dies by his own hand. While Gregory is revealed to be the "bad" guy, his death doesn't satisify the reader's sense of justice because he lacked characterization.

*Star*CHARACTERS

Gregory, Juliet
Charaterization is the process of the writer revealing the character's reasons for their actions and their motivations. Gregory's actions seemed dictated by "The Council," but beyond that, there's no personalization of his motives. Was he forced to carry out the Council's actions or does he gladly comply with their orders? Defining that gives him characterization.

*Star*DESCRIPTIONS

This is something you could expand on. Since the warehouse is on fire you have a nest of descriptions you can tap into.

*Star* TIME & PLACE

Time: modern day? Possible the future with the mention of "the council." It's hard to establish.
Place: A warehouse, no other place is defined beyond that.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes, but I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. I think by clearly defining the character's motives, (Gregory) this story will shape up nicely.

Bard's Hall Graphic
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Review of Golden Letters  
Review by StephBee
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, it's StephBee with a Bard's Hall Review.

*Note1* This review is based on professional editing points. It is not intented to be personal in nature, but constructive, helpful, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I have read the author's thoughts "Why I Write."

*Reading* THE STORY

A man, John, lives in a stark prison. Books get him 'by.'

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought the premise of the story interesting. It was a look at a harsh "reality" not many know.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

The story is told in the third person limited by John. Good job with POV narration. I might suggest an edit for tense. Most professional editor suggest writing in the past tense. The story jumps from past to present tense and it's easier for a reader, if it stays in one tense.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue doesn't necessarily move the story forward. Try to keep the tags to "said" or "replied." barks and orders are generally discouraged by professional editors.

*Star* OPENING

The opening has John walking down a corridor and then goes into a flashback/infomation dump. I might suggest amping up the action. How is walking? Casually? Like this is no big thing? Hurridly? Is he excited? Anxious?


*Star* ENDING

The ending has John being put in dark confinement so he can't read his books. It's a stark, harsh ending.

*Star*CHARACTERS

John
John goes through the motions of being alive in his prision. It shows how a human being can be drained of emotion.


*Star*DESCRIPTIONS

The descriptions give a dark feel of the world John lives in. This aspect of the story is strong.

*Star* TIME & PLACE

Time: modern day? The only way I knew this was futuristic was in the story's byline.
Place: Prison. The place is not defined past that.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes, but I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The story is reflective of the reasons why the author writes. It could shine as a good character driven vignette, but several elements of the writing need to be tightened.

Bard's Hall Graphic
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Review of Stopgap  
Review by StephBee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Reading* THE STORY

Van and Liza are robbers who have just completed their biggest heist yet. They prepare for any continugency with "stopgaps."

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved how you found that one character trait of Van's and used it to to balance the plot/character driven elements of the story.

*Star*POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Van's perspective. Good job with POV narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Van, main

Van does bad things, but is sympathic. The reader connects to him through his love for the boy. Liza comes off as being cold. My suggestion here would be to "hint" Liza has some regrets when she sees the boy at the accident. That, at least for me, would make the ending more poignant.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

If anything, this could be expand on. A well placed sentence touching on any of the senses will heighten the description & emotions.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: Unsure. Modern day? The characters use cell phones, so that does allow some "time" reference.
PLACE: It feels like Western America maybe Arizona or Nevada - how else could a Studebaker survive? It's not clearly established though.

*Star* MECHANICS

I didn't spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctutation.

OK is "okay" for journalistic writing, but in manuscript writing spell out the word "okay."

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. Great job with Van's characterization, but Liza needs a little refining. Write on.

The Drama Masks.
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757
Review of Jimmy  
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading* THE STORY

The narrator shares an experience between her and her brother, Jimmy.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

It's good character driven vignette that "shows" rather than "telling."

*Star*POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with POV narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue doesn't necessarily move the story foward, but it does allow the author to "show" the scene. Don't include action in the dialogue tags. Try to keep the tags to "he said" or "she replied." Put the action in a seperate sentence. For example, as written:

"Are you OK?" he asked as he helped untagle my pants from the bike.

TIPS: Put the action first, then the dialogue:
MY SUGGESTION: Jimmy helped untangle my pants from the bike. "Are you okay?"

*Star* CHARACTERS

Narrator, Jimmy

The narrator shares a sweet vignette about how Jimmy's help made her feel good. There's a lot of goodness in the characters that is heartwarming to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

If anything, this could be expand on. A well placed sentence touching on any of the senses will heighten the description & emotions.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: 1959 Good job setting the time
PLACE: High school, P/L. Not sure if this is a big city like Chicago or a more rural, "small town" place.

*Star* MECHANICS

I didn't spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctutation. Things to watch out for: REPEATIVE WORDS. "riding/ride" in the first paragraph are too close together and sound repeative.

OK is "okay" for journalistic writing, but in manuscript writing spell out the word "okay."

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. A nice character driven vignette. Write on.

The Drama Masks.
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758
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading* THE STORY

A man behind bars sees two dogs playing on the other side.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I love the introspection and emotional insight. Good character voice.

*Star*POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with POV narration. The story is stylized as a journal entry. It is "told" as opposed to "shown." It works as a journal entry, if that was what it was meant to be. If not, there could have been a lot more "showing" to the story. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There is none

*Star* CHARACTER

Narrator

The narrator is behind bars. When he finds the dogs running free, it gives him pause to reflect on his situation. It's good character instrospection.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

If anything, this could be expand on. A well placed sentence touching on any of the senses will heighten the description & emotions.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: Not defined. I would assume modern day
PLACE: Jail yard. Good job establishing the place.

*Star* MECHANICS

I spotted one typo: "even in the minute shade." I think you're looking for another word here. For the most part the piece is free of spelling, puncutation mistakes.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. Good introspection. Write on.

The Drama Masks.
759
759
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* THE CHAPTER

A dragon attacks a village only to be foiled by a young man.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The chapter dived right into the action. It was a good opening scene that pulled the reader in.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited, mainly from the view of the dragon. Good job with POV narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There is no dialogue. Narration only.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Dragon, young man

The opening really gets into the head of the dragon, which is nice. You get to know a little what she's like. The young man's actions are heroic, and it's easy to like him. This sets up conflict well.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scene. If anything, you could expand on this with a well placed sentence or two. Also, I had a question about this phrase because I found it confusing: "She was still young and only a faded black." Maybe a word is missing?

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestion as mentioned above. I might also suggest spacing between paragraphs here on WDC. It makes the reading easier on the eyes. A good opening scene. Pulls the reading in. Keep writing.

Heading for Short Story Folder
760
760
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, it's StephBee with a review for the Bard's Hall Contest.

*Reading* THE POEM

Epic: a long narrative poem in elevated stature presenting characters of high position in adventures forming an organic whole through their relation to a central heroic figure and through their development of episodes important to the history of a nation or race. Defination taken from Wikkipedia; Epic Poetry.

This is an epic poem which tells the story of Rama, the rightful ruler of a nation. Rama goes an adventure to get his wife back, the adventure is heroic. The poem fits the broad defination that's listed above. It follows several of the nine characterics of epic poetry including opening with an invocation, intervention of a diety, and having vast settings.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked following Rama through his adventures.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is set in a free form style.

*Star*THIS POEM MADE ME FEEL

Carthetic at the end. I was spent, drained, yet rewarded by the ending.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.

*Star*SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

My only suggestion is to clarify the introduction. It was helpful in giving me some background, but I wasn't sure if this was a copy of an all ready published poem or if it was original, inspired by the original. The poem fit the prompt (epic poetry). Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Bard's Hall Graphic
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Review of The Watchman  
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, it's StephBee with a review for the Bard's Hall Contest.

*Reading* THE POEM

Epic: a long narrative poem in elevated stature presenting characters of high position in adventures forming an organic whole through their relation to a central heroic figure and through their development of episodes important to the history of a nation or race. Defination taken from Wikkipedia; Epic Poetry.

This is an epic poem which tells the story of a warrior who confronts a beast. The warrior goes on an adventure and is heroic. The poem fits the broad defination that's listed above.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story was told from the position of someone in a watch tower. I thought the poem flowed well and told a good, epic story.

*Star* STRUCTURE

There are 4 lines in a stanza and the 2nd and 4th lines rythme. There is no set rythme scheme or meter.

*Star*THIS POEM MADE ME FEEL

Like I'd taken an exciting journey.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. If anything, I might suggest an edit for punctution.

*Star*SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The poem fit the prompt (epic poetry). Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Bard's Hall Graphic
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Review by StephBee
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, it's StephBee with a review for the Bard's Hall Contest.

*Reading* THE STORY

A detective gets more than he bargined for when he solves the mystery of the computer deaths.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the ending brought the beginning full circle.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

Past tense is used appropriately. The story is told in the first person by Jim, a detective. Good job with POV narration.

*Star*DIALOGUE

The dialogue is mininal and doesn't move the story forward.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Jim, detective, main

Jim is a hard worker who solves the case, but did he do so at the expensive of his own sanity? Good character voice.

*Star*DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.

*Star*SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS{/b]

Suggestion as mentioned above. The story was mostly told vs being shown. When a story is told in narration, it tends to lose the dynamic qualities which can draw a reader in. Instead of telling us about the first murder, Genrty, write the scene where Jim and Sherm find him. By writing the scene you can show the reader and build the suspense. The story fit the prompt (mystery) and the word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.

Bard's Hall Graphic
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Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading* THE STORY

A tramatized woman can't escape from what haunts her.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked "spin" of the story. It put the Easter story on it's head, so to speak. Nice twist.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

The narration skips between characters without line breaks. This is known as a "Lonesome Dove" perspective after the famous novel. While the romance genre is generally forgiving of this type of narration, most readers find it disconcerting to be mulitple characters heads without a break. I would suggestion picking one narrator, Marie perhaps, who seems to be stronger narrator in the story. You could use first person or third, but I think she would be the best. The surprise she would portray upon finding out Jude's identity would be authentic and real to the reader.

Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THE BEGINNING

I would suggest starting with action. Perhaps you could have Marie's eyes watch the hail from a window and then note Becky trying to hide from the hail. Starting with action, draws readers in and keeps their attention. By starting with an "info dump" on Becky's background, you don't compell the reader enough to keep reading. Consider - is this stuff we need to know about Becky RIGHT NOW? Not really, you can reveal this a little later on the story once we meet Becky and get to know her through Marie.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward. Try to use "he said" or "she replied" in dialogue tags. Words like "stated" aren't needed. Dialogue tags should be invisible and if you have to identify the reader use said, replied, or asked.

*Star*CHARACTERS

Becky, Marie, Jude

Becky and Marie are the strongest. I liked Jude, but I didn't like how he came into the story - it was too contrived. He's a pivtol character and deserves a better way to be worked in. Maybe Becky could have been following him? Or maybe she found a postcard with an Austin address? Jude's introduction into the story has to be believable to the reader.

Becky is a mess, and it is understandable why, but she's almost too much a mess. Her memory loss, will plausable, doesn't work because it feels inconsistent to the reader.

I might suggest, when you go back for your edit, to make character bios of the above three characters and just get to know them a little better. If you're telling a short story, you really only need to develop and work with these three characters.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

You have enough to set the place, but this is something you can expand on. Is it modern day? Is there a tie-in with the VT massacre that happened? Is that why Jude left? How does Becky feel? As raw as sulfur? Tap into the five senses to expand on the emotions of Becky and Marie. You could also use metaphorical descriptions if you feel up to the challenge. Does Marie's heart break like the Lord's cross at Becky's plight? Thoughts only.

*Star*MECHANICS

I might suggest a minor edit for spelling/punctutation. Also, watch out for repeative words. Replace those words which are repeative and close to each other. For Example, as written:“Mark, I was going to call you. I just didn’t want to disturb you while you were busy with the church. I found a girl outside the church." The word church is repeative. I might suggest: "Mark, I was just going to call you. I found a girl outside the church." (Do we really need to know he was busy with church stuff?)

*Star*SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. Also, on WDC, this was hard to read because there were no spaces between the lines. I had to squint my eyes. You might want to space between paragraphs here on WDC for the reader. I think the story has GREAT potential, especially with Jude who he is, and this is a decent first draft. The plot of the story is good. With an edit to work out some of the character and consistency issues, I think this story will shine.

From the Angel Army
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Review of Ice Princess  
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, it's StephBee with a Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox Review.

*Reading* THE STORY

A cherb, an "Ice Princess" brings love.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

This wasn't your typical romance story. The romance is something higher, something gained almost on a spiritual level.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is was told in the third person omniscient by an unspoken narrator. Good job with POV narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star*DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star*1ST 3 PARAGRAPHS

There's a lot of good description in the first paragraphs, but I always suggest using some type of action to grab and hold the reader's attention.

*Star*CHARACTERS

Ice Princess (main) nature's creatures, (supporting cast)

It's easy to picture the characters, the descriptions are spot on. The reader can feel the admiration that nature's creatures have for the Ice Princess.

*Star*DESCRIPTIONS

They are tight and very visual.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. A visually descriptive story. It followed the prompt (romance) and the word count was not listed in accordance with the contest rules. Good luck in the contest!


Blue ribbon banner for contest.
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Review of OOOOOOOH MY  
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading* THE POEM

A romantic poem about love at first sight.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the romantic feel of the poem.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form with very other line rythming. There are no stanzas.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes, but I might suggest an edit for punctutation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I might also suggest using stanzas to frame the poem. I felt like I was reading it at a lighting fast speed. Stanzas and punctuations would slow it down for me to enjoy. Just a suggestion, nothing more. There's a nice romantic feel to the poem.

Keep exploring the poetry genre.

Bastian & Edana from "The Flames of Madeoc"
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Review of Blue  
Review by StephBee
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, it's StephBee with a WhoAmI package review.

*Reading* THE FOLDER

The folder houses the author's poem.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The folder houses a variety of poems and is current. There appears to be a wide variety of poems from free form to acrostics, to etheree and other forms

*Star* INTRODUCTION

Good use of graphics to set a visual tone for the folder. If anything, I might suggest a sentence or two telling the potential reader what your favorite poem in the folder is or how the poems have meaning to you.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. I thought the folder was well organized.

Bastian & Edana from "The Flames of Madeoc"
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Review of White  
Review by StephBee
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, it's StephBee with a WhoAmI package review.

*Reading* THE FOLDER

The folder houses the author's WDC signatures.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The folder houses a variety of images and is current.

*Star* INTRODUCTION

The intro is simple - signatures. Again, this is something you might want to use a graphic here to set a visual tone. It could be a graphic of you or a likness you like.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestion as mentioned above. I thought the folder was well organized.

Bastian & Edana from "The Flames of Madeoc"
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Review of Violet  
Review by StephBee
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, it's StephBee with a WhoAmI package review.

*Reading* THE FOLDER

The folder houses the author's short stories that focus on friendship, romance, or family.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The folder houses a variety of stories and is current.

*Star* INTRODUCTION

Good use of graphics to set a visual tone, but I might suggest writing a sentence or two to tell the potential reader what to expect of the folder, or confirm that the stories were dream inspired.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestion as mentioned above.I thought the folder was well organized.

Bastian & Edana from "The Flames of Madeoc"
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Review of Orange  
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, it's StephBee with a WhoAmI package review.

*Reading* THE FOLDER

The folder houses the author's song lyrics

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the title of the folder. It really helped to let the reader know what to expect in this folder.

*Star* INTRODUCTION

Good use of graphics to set a visual tone. It was all that was really needed.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The folder is well deserving of the 10K Awardicon it has. I thought the folder was well organized.

Bastian & Edana from "The Flames of Madeoc"
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Review of Blue Classes  
Review by StephBee
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, it's StephBee with a WhoAmI package review.

*Reading* THE FOLDER

The folder houses the author's writer's academy assignments.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The folder houses a variety of static items and is current.

*Star* INTRODUCTION

The intro just lists a link to the Writer's Academy webpage.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

If anything, I might use the introduction to set the tone of the folder a little better by stating what the Writer's Academy and your participation means to you. I thought the folder was well organized.

Bastian & Edana from "The Flames of Madeoc"
771
771
Review by StephBee
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Reading* THE ARTICLE

The article discusses how to employ characters in drama writing.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

This was short and concise and it gives great advice on how to use character to enhance the drama of a story.

*Star* BODY

The article discusses how each scene should emphasize a character and build the plot/subplot. Some scenes may not require the main character to be in it to further the plot. There are great examples given by Koontz and de Maurier.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes. There were no choppy or uneven sentences.

*Star*SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

I have no suggestions for improvement. This article is chock full of good advice for the novice writer to contemplate as they work on their writing.


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772
772
Review by StephBee
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, it's StephBee and I'm reviewing your story as a judge for:
 
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Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support


*Reading* THE STORY

Charlie knows a lot of facts, but not the history behind them.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The plot/pacing of the story was great. I didn't feel like anything was unfinished.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This was told in the third person omniscient mainly from an unnamed narrator's perspective. Good job with POV Narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star*DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. If anything, I would suggest putting action in a seperate sentence and not in the dialogue tag. For example, as written: "Jesus, Charlie! Not now!" Ryan roared, as he placed his arm around Mrs. Clandine.

My suggestion: Ryan placed his arm around Mrs. Clandine, comforting her. "Geez, Charlie, not now, okay?"


*Star* CHARACTERIZATION

Charlie (main), The professor

Charlie is the town's librarian with a good heart, but disliked by the professor because Charlie can't explain the history behind his facts. It was easy to sympathize with Charlie. The professor was more of a hardened individual. The implication he was involved with Charlie's death was well done.


*Star*DESCRIPTIONS

The descriptions were enough to establish the time and setting. If anything, you could probably expand on this buy using the five senses or metaphorical descriptions stragetically placed within the story.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned above. A good ending. Two thumbs up. Good luck in the contest.

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773
773
Review of Chained  
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, it's StephBee with a Show off Your Best at the Sandbox.

*Reading*THE STORY

A man longs for a past love.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought this was a sweet story about how the power of love can stay with us.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited mainly from Willy's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star*DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward. If anything, I would suggest using "he said," "she replied," in the dialogue tags. Put the action in a seperate sentence. For example, as written: "And that one?" she asked, point to another specimen.

My suggestion: She pointed to another specimen. "And that one?"

*Star*1ST 3 PARAGRAPHS

They held my attention. By the end of the opening I wanted to know why she wasn't coming. If anything, I would offset his thoughts using italics, ie, Will this be the year that Eileen, dear sweet Eileen comes back to me?

*Star* CHARACTERS

Willy, man

Willy is a hard working man, a farmer, and it's been in his family for years. It seemed only natural that he would fall in love with the worldly Eileen, but being so naive, he doesn't realize why she isn't coming back. Willy is likable and my heart went out to him.

*Star*DESCRIPTIONS

There was enough to the set the scene of the farm, but I would say it was hard to know it was set in the 1950's if I hadn't read the intro. I might suggest referencing the end of World War II, possibly Willy has a brother in the Korean war or maybe Willy admires Ike to better set the scene.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but there were a couple of awkward sentence structures and I might suggest a minor edit for that.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS/PARTING THOUGHTS

Suggestions as mentioned before. Willy's was a character that touches the heartstrings. The entry fit the genre (romance) of the contest and the word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

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774
774
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, this is StephBee with a review for Best of the Rest

*Reading*THE FORUM

A forum that plays tribute to our favorite pets.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

I'd never seen something like this before. It's very sweet and nice tribute to our pets.

*Star*INTRODUCTION

The purpose of the forum is clearly stated. The rules are easy to understand.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

If anything, I was surprised to see the last entry was in December. I think this is a great forum that honors our animal friends and I'd like to see it be more interactive within the community. Maybe you could sponsor it? Good use of WDC ML and graphic. Good luck in the contest!

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775
775
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Reading*THE ARTICLE

The article offers suggestions about reviewing on WDC.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

This is a very comprehensive article that offers great tips about reviewing. It's very positive and upbeat.

*Star*CONTENT

The author lists 6 key characterics for reviewing including honesty, encouragement, and using well-rounded remarks including positive & constructive feeback.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes. There were no uneven or choppy sentences.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. This is a great article to read for those who might be interested in reviewing but don't really have a frame of reference to start at.

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