🌕 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌕 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,120 Public Reviews Given

3,261 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

876

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#3064654

Review of Sad Cypress

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Beautifully done Koyel! and you even incorporated rhyme, very difficult to do with these shorter pieces. I really love your "painted in yellow melancholy."... such an expressive phrase. Those two middle lines do throw the rhythm off just a bit but overall I'd say you hit the nail on the head with this. It's an ancient tree and you've done it honor with your beautiful words.

Ken

877

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#3063642

Review of Tit For Tat

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Very cleverly writ Jim! It was both entertaining and... enlightening

. Kind of reminded me of Christian of the infamous viral video. Try as I might, there's nothing here to critique. Your form, you technical apects, all are perfect. Excellent tale and a cute ending. Well done.

Ken

878

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#3061083

Review of Tommy's Rainbow

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Kiya...

Couldn't just stop at one... had to try your fiction too

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tommy's Rainbow"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A very sweet story... cleverly composed and well told.

Creativity:
"The Man at the End of the Rainbow!" A clever construct to teach the moral of the story and whimsical enough to keep children interested... and parents as they read the tale

Content:
You language is appropriate, involving the sense through sound, vision, and even tactile as "the tear slid down his cheek." Involving the senses makes this more than a simple tale, it brings it to life in the mind of the reader. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
I saw no errors... You are an excellent story teller and your attention shows in the crafting of this warm tale.

Overall Rating:

A captivating tale... a bit predictable at the end but we all love happy endings so you're fogiven

Enchanting tale, well told. Thank you for sharing this with me today...

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
on behalf of:

** Image ID #1525786 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

879

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14 days may be credited.

#3061061

Review of One Last Drive

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi kiyasama

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "One Last Drive"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Ohhhhh, spooky

... actually, very nice tale.

Creativity:
The couplet form is really good for this and your tale kept my attention the whole way.

Content:
I like that you told the whole story... from his impatience with all things metaphysical to his ultimate demise. A well told and well paced story.

Technical Notes:
A few broken rhymes (snort/nut, age/strange, etc.) but you kept the pace going and you never lost sight of the story. Nicely done.

Overall Rating:

and a

A very enjoyable tale and a fun read. It's been a while since you were last here and it's always fun to remind you that "this was you then!"

You have a strong story telling ability and I'd love to see what you'd write today. Don't abandon poetry!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
on behalf of:

** Image ID #1525786 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

880

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14 days may be credited.

#3056801

Review of Pet Store Friends

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Beck Firing back up!

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Pet Store Friends"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Dog - gone!

Sorry, couldn't pass it up.

Creativity:
I love that you took the dog's perspective. Very well done.

Content:
So many clever parts... lots of subtle humor and a great tail...err tale. "Dog-Knows-What" was a brilliant addition. Had me laughing from there on.

Technical Notes:
A couple of minor blemishes... P "Janie's tail between her legs." is not a complete sentence. Missing something. Other than that... spot on. Nicely crafted.

Overall Rating:

A great story and a fun read.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

Signature created by our dear talented friend, Kelly1202

881

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#3056794

Review of Easy Money

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

What a hoot...

I started smiling at the start and worked up to a hearty chuckle by the end. Really well done, Jim. Nice build up, plenty of suspense and several nifty twists... Great descriptions... I could smell the guy LOL

Well done!

Ken
(Nope, not going to accept your GPs

! Keep 'em. Keep writing!}

882

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#3055143

Review of The Redemption of Brodie Mills

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Jim...

Now that's scary! We both had the same thoughts from this prompt. Yours is the postive and mine is the negative. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Redemption of Brodie Mills"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a great story... Ah, if only it were so...

Creativity:
Extremely creative - I can say that since I had a similar flash on this prompt LOL.

Content:
The concept of a God who directly involves himself in our lives underlies most of our belief systems. You took this to the next step in a creative and - yes - even humorous way. Engrossing from the start to the finish! Well done.

Technical Notes:
Two minor comments - you need to up the rating to 13+ since you use a curse word. Don't want big brother slapping your hand LOL. Typo in the headline: "Redeemed" Other than that, spot on!

Overall Rating:

A positive and uplifting write... May we all get the opportunity for redemption - or at least self forgiveness

.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

883

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#3053559

Review of Good Samaritan

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi romance_junkie

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Good Samaritan"

[18+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Blessings come in all forms and when the world turns dark, even a glimmer looks good

Creativity:
I love vignettes - small slices of life - and this was well told and totally engrossing.

Content:
Well developed character and your descriptions and dialogue rings true. I could imagine a 17 - 20 year old acting and thinking like this. Very believable. Your style - at least here - is to write in short bursts which is very much like we think. I think it gives it an immediacy which I really like.

Technical Notes:
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you - this Flash Fiction has a 300 word limit. You must be pushing 500 here. But on the plus side, you have time to trim this down.

Overall Rating:

Like most of us, this is a little overweight

but I think it can slim down without loosing its heart ... This has a 5

potential. Thank you for sharing this vignette. A very enjoyable read.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

884

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#3052243

Review of Men in Black

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hey Jim...

I had to see what wild and crazy story you'd come up with... I'm not disappointed in the least

it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Men in Black"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a hoot! I so enjoyed this lively tale of alien abductiion and man's resourcefulness.

Creativity:
How you managed to go from a rocking chair, a yardstick, and a spider web to this, I'll never know. But you did it brilliantly.

Content:
From Bessie's attempted abduction, to G-men with wet trousers, to the hillbilly logic - this was a totally entertaining write. Personally, I would have picked this as the winner

just based on creativity.

Technical Notes:
As always, you are a superb craftsman and I saw nothing. Of course, had I not been laughing...

Overall Rating:

Another creative display. Really well done. As ususal, I'm returning your GPs... this was too much fun to get "paid" to read

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

885

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#3051003

Review of The little mouse didn't say a word

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

My name is Ken. I thank you for the invitation to review your work. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The little mouse didn't say a word"

[ASR].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
"Me thinks thou doest protest too much!" A wonderfully imaginative write.

Creativity:
Your use of internal rhymes makes this totally wonderful to read.

Content:
What a wonderfully clever write... you involve the reader on so many levels... all the animals, their sounds, and for a finale - the mouse that roared

.

Technical Notes:
Not a thing to comment on... you are both an artist and a craftsman... err, craftsperson

.

Overall Rating:

As I entered your port, I was blinded by all the pretty ribbons... and you tell me you're not a poet. Pashawwww! You're a very talented poet and it was a pleasure to read this. Children's poetry is one of the hardest genres to write and this was brilliant. Thank you for inviting me in.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

AND THIS THE LAST OF THE WATER BALLOON RELAY REVIEWS .

886

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#3050973

Review of Waltz

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Muriel

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Waltz"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A beautifully sensual waltz.

Creativity:
I love form poetry. You've managed to make this flow so softly, I can hear the melody.

Content:
I can see you stand there, swaying to a melody that softly moves you to a subtle rhythm "where lust and love so softly greet." You've capture the musical part of poetry in your words in a wonderfully simple poem wrapped in a complex pattern. Really nicely done.

Technical Notes:
Unfortunately, you missed a whole verse

The villanelle is five stanzas - four tercets and a concluding quatrain. I know this because I did the same thing recently in a contest LOL so I'm very sensitive to it. I hope you'll come back and finish this... it's a beautiful poem.

Overall Rating:

A lovely "villanette"

You have a wonderful way with your words. They paint with such a soft touch that the beauty they impart stays with the reader. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

887

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14 days may be credited.

#3050571

Review of Plentiful Harvest

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Plentiful Harvest"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Brilliant!

Creativity:
What a great story and in only 300 words.

Content:
I can't believe what a total tale you've woven in such a short piece. You captured the essence of classic vampire tales and then added your own twist. The Harvest Master exudes darkness and you can feel his glee as he catagorizes and plots the coming "reunion."

Technical Notes:
Not a single comma out of place. A truely well crafted and constructed story.

Overall Rating:

Well deserving of the win! I'm sure this is just a vignette of a much larger story you're writing (or have written). If not, then get busy! Congratulations.

I'm returning your auto-reward GPs... reading this was payment enough.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

888

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14 days may be credited.

#3050035

Review of Lavender Blue

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi ShellySunshine

My name is Ken (you may vaguely remember me LOL) and I've got bad news for you. When you played Meeple's Monopoly Game, you pulled a card that instead of sending you to jail, got you you three reviews... by me. Look on the bright side, no chains with me

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Lavender Blue"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
An enticement to a special friend... who's laid back and you're not going to stand for it

Creativity:
The repetitive refrain alluding to a pair of eyes and/or a comfortable pair of jeans is quite creative. I like the way you relate it to an approach to life. I may have to "borrow" that idea

.

Content:
This is flirting at its best... not too obvious, not too subtle but openly suggestive

A warm, fun, and terrific write.

Technical Notes:
I didn't see anything obvious. There was a rhyme at the start which you kind of abandoned. That broke the flow just a bit for me but it doesn't change the lovely content in the least.

Overall Rating:

and a

This was a fun read! It shows a side of you that's playful and flirty... very enjoyable!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

889

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#3050009

Review of JUST A KISS

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Sherri...

Now that I know the secret of your port and knowing the delicate hand you have, I had to peek at your more mature writing. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on a final one of your works "JUST A KISS"

[18+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Love - physical, emotional, spiritual.

Creativity:
Your reputation is safe

... this was a beautifully composed rememberance of love in all its forms.

Content:
"Take my heart, and I’ll take yours in return." This is the center of your poem. The rest is an expression of this basic truth you shared in this line. The physical side is an expression of this... the emotional side is an expression of this. You've discovered and expressed your feelings in a wonderfully warm and loving write.

Technical Notes:
Sorry... no mistakes found (but you didn't really expect me to find any did you

) Another well crafted and well written poem.

Overall Rating:

This is a love poem of the best kind. It's not ethereal or based on an idealized fantasy... it's a response to a moment of experience. Beautifully done, Sherri...

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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890

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#3049973

Review of ENCHANTRESS

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Sherri...

For the second of three, I've decided to stay with your "fantasy" writes. You have a delicate way with your words. it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "ENCHANTRESS"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Hmmm could be love 'em and leave 'em

but I suspect not. Another delicate write by a tender hand.

Creativity:
I love the imagery. You set a course and carry on with a single purpose. Well done.

Content:
Lovely imagery... "the night wind sweeps her..." sets the tone for this lovely write. Your words float as the Enchantress does and, stealing her power, they enchant the reader with this wonderful tale of a world of peace and heart that's open and accepting.

Technical Notes:
You want longer reviews? Make a mistake, I dare you

. You show admirable respect for your craft and the attention to detail shows in each line.

Overall Rating:

This getting repetitious

but it's also such a pleasure to read someone who writes this well and shows such care. A lovely write, Sherri... Thank you for sharing this peaceful moment with me...

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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891

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#3049962

Review of BUTTERFLY WINGS

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi SHERRI GIBSON

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know

). You've had the misfortune of selecting some of my cards in Meeple's Monopoly Game, resulting in 3 reviews by me. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on the first of your works "BUTTERFLY WINGS"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a sweet poem... part fantasy, part prayer.

Creativity:
I love the use of real images to compliment my work. The choices you made here are superb and really add a visual dimension that sets the stage for your words.

Content:
This is a ballad... a song of words and emotions that floats delicately on the reader's lips. Beautiful imagery, gentle emotions... a wonderful write.

Technical Notes:
Not a flaw to be seen. Wonderful attention to detail.

.

Overall Rating:

I get the impression that this is more than a poem... it is, in large part, you. My only "complaint" is that I notice most of your work is several years old... It's a wonderful shadow on a wall reflecting who you were. I'd love you to share who you are

.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

892

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#3049805

Review of Poem

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Windfell

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Poem"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A fluttering leaf... The words go here and there but never seem to reach the ground.

Creativity:
I quite enjoyed the structure, the words... but I'm at a loss. Without context, there is no meaning... without meaning, there are only words.

Content:
I apologize... I didn't understand it. I'm guessing that you're writing about someone special in your life... "a little flicker of hope." But with an entry of "simple and honest" and a title of "poem" I have nothing to place this in a realm where I can truly grasp what you're saying. Even my guess was thrown off by "we do know he lives beyond it."

Technical Notes:
The form and technical aspects are without fault. I think if you added a clearer description or made some contextual reference then this would be a beautiful poem...

Overall Rating:

and a

I see you wrote this some time ago and I hope you'll revisit it and perhaps add a bit. Now you've gotten my curiosity up

. Thank you for sharing your words, however... I think you have talent and I'll have to now read more so see if I can find meaning.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

893

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#3049788

Review of The last piece of me

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Miss Darkchild

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The last piece of me"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
An emptiness that maybe - just maybe - isn't as empty as you thought.

Creativity:
Free verse allows this to read more like a memory, a small peek at thoughts. I like that you didn't take this wholly dark but found that glimmer of hope.

Content:
Very nicely done... I did have a question about a "ragdoll's eye has broken." I think you're saying that the small fracture is like the last fracture but the wording is just vague enough that it's open to meaning.

Technical Notes:
Nothing to add... this is a well crafted and well thought out poem.

Overall Rating:

and a

A really enjoyable read. I didn't see anything newer as I looked through your port... I do hope you start writing again soon. You've much to much talent to not share it! Thank you for sharing this with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

894

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#3047756

Review of Race in the U.S.A.

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi *Nadine*

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Race in the U.S.A."

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
An honest poem about your feelings regarding the equality of races.

Creativity:
Written in couplets, you pull no punches in your assessment. The honesty is refreshingly direct.

Content:
Without being contentious, I think the truth you seek is found in the last line. "The American dream." Dreams aren't reality and represent our collective goals. I agree with your assessment but I think, as we've seen in the past year, that a mutual acceptance is closer than either of us believed.

Technical Notes:
A few oblique rhymes (role/unfold; fake/mistakes) but in general, your wording is precise, your grammar and spelling perfect, and your message clear.

Overall Rating:

and a

Overall, this was really a well crafted poem and an enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your perspective and poetic talents. Well done.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

895

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#3047740

Review of Blood Red Wine

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Nihilist

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Blood Red Wine"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
As the wine warms, the relationship cools.

Creativity:
The form, while appearing awkward, is actually very supportive of your poem. It stairsteps the reader into your thoughts.

Content:
There is strong sense of melancholy in your words... it is a sadness born of choosing drink over love or as a numbing aide for a relationship that foundering. The real import of your words are vague without definition as to the true meaning. This has the advantage of allowing the reader to interpret your poem in their own experience. It has the disadvantage for the same reason. You - the poet - know what's in your mind as your pen this... and you haven't shared that.

Technical Notes:
Fourth stanza, line three: "Its" Second stanza, line 5 should have a comma, not a period, since the thought continues on to the next line. Line 6 should have a period.

Overall Rating:

A little polish and I think this jewel will shine. I see it's been a while since you wrote this and I hope you return to it. Reading it with eyes freshened by distance will reveal many of the small blemishes. The heart of the poem is strong and it's worthy of completion.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

896

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14 days may be credited.

#3046916

Review of BETTER

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Onyx: a PURPLE MANIAC!

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "BETTER"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A call to arms - if you want change, be change.

Creativity:
Written as a variation on couplets, this had many aspects of "loop poetry". Your rhyme and flow provide a nice rhythm that aides the reader in understanding.

Content:
You pull the reader into your words by challenging them and then offering examples of what actions they can take to bring about results they seek. You don't sugar-coat this in flowery words - you speak directly to the reader. Overall, an enjoyable read.

Technical Notes:
A few small "bumps." It feels like you've truncated a few lines for balance or rhyme. An example is you closing stanza where you say "Change isn't impossible / doesn't even have to be far." The second part doesn't really follow logically from the first.

Overall Rating:

I think you have a terrific message in this and you have the talent as seen in the structure and flow of this. I would recommend reading it out loud to yourself and you'll hear where the message gets a bit confused. The more senses you can involve, the clearer it becomes where you can find areas for improvement. Nicely done - just a bit of polish needed to make this jewel shine.

Yes, I'm returning your auto-reward. I enjoyed this and don't need additional inducements to make me want to read your work

.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

897

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14 days may be credited.

#3046864

Review of Your Ex

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Jessica Lynn

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Your Ex"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A wonderful expression of the fear that all have... will our love be strong enough? Will their love be strong enough? A human question that we all share.

Creativity:
Written in simple couplets, you've expressed yourself well. The language is plain, much like what most of us use when we talk to ourselves, making this very identifiable to readers.

Content:
Nice direct thoughts. You start with the problem "She held a place in your heart before, / I feel like now she's trying to take more." and build from there expressing your concerns and fears. You've woven those feelings into your words and words into lines in a wonderful fashion. Nice use of perfect rhymes as well. Well done.

Technical Notes:
There were no technical errors (spelling, grammar, etc.) noted. A well crafted poem. Now, let's talk form

While there is no requirement, some lines are very long which makes the flow of this seem choppy. Staza three, line one is an example. It has 17 syllables, while the next line has 11. You could shorten the first or lengthen the second to even them out. Overall you've chosen shorter lines so shortening would make it more "in tune" with the overall feel of your poem. The second item that would help is one of clarity. In your final line you say "My heart now aches; slowly breaking its mends." There's a bit of illogic here... breaking it mends. I think I know what you meant but I'm not sure.

Overall Rating:

You have a wonderful talent for emotion and putting those thoughts into words... Now, we just need to polish this a bit to ensure that you can transfer those feelings to the reader. Most readers don't want to work too hard to understand

so make it easy on them. I look forward to reading more of your work. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

898

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3046847

Review of Minding Fido

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Ben Langhinrichs

At your invitation, it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Minding Fido"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Wicked, wicked, wicked

Creativity:
What a darkly humorous take but perfect for the prompt!

Content:
I love the concept of Satan working through "man's best friend" to wreak horror on an unsuspecting town. What a clever and creative take. Your use of rhyme is superb. I love the dark humor and even the puns... "Atone for what he has unleashed, my inner beast at large." You have taken a great stand for humor! Well done.

Technical Notes:
I enjoyed this so much, I'm loathe to say anything... but between stanzas you didn't loop. With each, it's perfect. In fact, you hardly notice since you manage to use the words in a different way so that it flows normally. In spite of that, I can't fault you. The form and it's description is very open to interpretation and there's really nothing else out there that explains it better.

Overall Rating:

You managed to get your "dead dog" didn't you

Well, a death dog anyway

Well done Ben!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

899

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3046051

Review of Let it Rain

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi River McKenna

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Let it Rain"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Both statement and prayer, a view of life and its impressions on each of us.

Creativity:
I really do like this variation on couplets. Nice rhymes and clear vision and expression.

Content:
Some really nice imagery... I love the opening "These emotions are capitalized..." It sets up the whole poem.

Technical Notes:
I like the variation of the repetitive phrasing... it's like shining a light from mulitiple angles - each giving you a slightly different view.

Overall Rating:

and a

Nicely done and a very enjoyable read. I think every person reading this find something to make their own.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

and
the THE TALENT POND "Water Balloon Relay *Closed*"

[E]

900

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3044328

Review of Bowling

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi JACE

My name is Ken and I warned you

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Bowling"

[E]. I hope you don't mind but I'm going to have fun with this!

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
You're Polish! (Just teasing you

) A fun time at the local lanes.

Creativity:
Another bowling poem? Darn...

Actually, the Kyrielle is a great form and the repetitive line gives you a chance to show all roads lead to Rome (so to speak). Your language is wonderful and keeps this feeling fresh and active.

Content:
I love the flow... you made this feel like bowling

Very imaginative and wonderfully discriptive. The splits, the strikes... all that's missing is the cold brew.

Technical Notes:
The form is perfect... one line was awkward (and you know that LOL) but the rest was spot on and kept the pace moving and my attention throughout. The craftsmanship is perfect.

Overall Rating:

And you say you can't write poetry...

Pashaww with you. This was wonderfully told, well written, and definitely did not leave you as "the odd man out." Really well done.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This review is being conducted on behalf
THE PAPER DOLL GANG "Invalid Item"

and
the THE TALENT POND "Water Balloon Relay *Closed*"

[E]