🌕 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌕 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,120 Public Reviews Given

3,261 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

801

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3106599

Review of One Summer Night

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Jim...

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "One Summer Night"

[18+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Another of your goulish tales - a bit telegraphed

but I couldn't stop reading it! Great job as always.

Creativity:
You build the suspense and even suspecting what was coming - you kept me enthralled with great images and characters.

Content:
You tell the tale of childhood friends who make a strange discovery. Your images are clear - almost like watching a film - and the interactions of Ross, Elvin, and Echo are natural and familiar feeling. I don't want to give away the ending so I'll avoid detail but the story moved along with a nice suspenseful build up... even to the dark night. Your ending was terrific and totally believable. Just a really excellent write.

Technical Notes:
Technically, this is perfect. You show a real consideration for your craft in the excellent way you create your story. There was a plot hiccup (perhaps - now that I'm thinking about it). If Elvin was the perpetrator - why would he have revisited that spot with his friends and risked exposure? Just an odd thought that struck me as I was reflecting on this.

Overall Rating:

A wonderful tale of suspense and mystery. I do enjoy your imagination and your excellent tales. You never disappoint LOL. Thanks for sharing this...

(GPs are returned, as per our agreement LOL)

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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802

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14 days may be credited.

#3106583

Review of July

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi aralls

It's just me

coming to peek at your poetry once more. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "July"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a warm memory you've shared with us.

Creativity:
I really like the tack you took with this... It's not another Independence Day poem - it's about a different kind of freedom found

Content:
You tell of the summer's of youth, the inner joy and freedom of warm summer's days, and the magic of finding someone special. A warm tale in an awkward form - and you manage to make it flow naturally so that the reader isn't even award of the form. Exceptionally well done.

Technical Notes:
OK - you snuck in an identical rhyme - using the same word to rhyme with itself but with a different meaning. I certainly can't fault you for that

and applaud your effort. Everything else was perfect.

Overall Rating:

I thought you did wonderful with this form and created a beautiful tale of young love and summer. Thank you for sharing your vision and your talent with me today. Well done!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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803

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14 days may be credited.

#3106227

Review of Baseball

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Consolata

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Baseball"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A baseball poem.

Creativity:
You took a literal interpretation of the prompt. While I really enjoyed this, I think perhaps you missed the "essence" of the prompt, about trying and being a winner even when you don't always succeed.

Content:
You tell the tale of a baseball game... the winners, the near-winners, and you conclude with lines directly from the prompt. Incorporating the prompt was clever but I think it was too obvious. I was hoping that you'd take the prompt and find a hidden view of its meaning.

Technical Notes:
You kept true to the form which is great! It's an awkward feeling form with its variations and odd rhyme and I think you handled it really well. Your one rhyme in/men is called a slant or near rhyme

. You should try for perfect rhymes especially when doing form poetry.

Overall Rating:

A nicely told tale of baseball and a really interesting form. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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804

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14 days may be credited.

#3105821

Review of Trading Asphalt For Cobblestone

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi S. A. Calluna

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Trading Asphalt For Cobblestone"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A wonderful tale of nature remembered.

Creativity:
I really found the direction you took this to be creative and refreshing. You went to the heart of the image rather than just a literal interpretation. Excellent!

Content:
You tell of a longing for the natural world rather than the paved over society we find ourselves in. You use the Quartern form to it's full advantage incorporating an a/b/c/b rhyme into your verse. It's very subtle and it really keeps the flow going without overpowering the beautiful images your words call up.

Technical Notes:
Nope - not a thing to comment on

. I even approve of your hybridization of "diff'rent" LOL since that's how I pronounce it anyway. A really well crafted poem.

Overall Rating:

Congratulations on the recognition for a really terrific poem. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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805

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14 days may be credited.

#3105804

Review of Three Billy Goats Yum!

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Ben...

Just had to see who beat me out LOL. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Three Billy Goats Yum!"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
The moment I opened this, I started chuckling. What a creative way to take this.

Creativity:
I love that you reached back to childhood and made the connection with the 3 Billy Goats Gruff. This made it more enjoyable (at least for us old folks who remember such tales before they were declared politically uncorrect LOL).

Content:
You tell of the Troll, biding his time, waiting for dinner to tap-tap-tap across his table. You're rhyme and meter are pitch perfect and your use of the form is absolutely spot on.

Technical Notes:
Darn, I wish you'd make a mistake now then so I'd have something to do beside sing your praises

Overall Rating:

A wonderfully creative take, full of humor and a great example of the form. Congratulations - absolutely the best of the bunch! Thanks for the smile this afternoon.

(I'm sending your back your autoaward GPs - reading this was sufficient reward

)

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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806

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14 days may be credited.

#3103493

Review of LAST BREATH !!!

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi riya

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "LAST BREATH !!!"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A sad stale of loosing a gentle soul.

Creativity:
The concept of death as an uninvited death was good. We don't often think of that in connection with out pets.

Content:
You tell of Daisy - your cat whom you've had since its first breath - and how it died. You've put a lot of emotion into this sparse tale. You've put some great imagery into this - "Her blue eyes outspoke all her naughty tricks..." a truely adorable phrase that brough a smile to me. From a story standpoint - you've left too much out, however. You indicate that Daisy was "taken aback by the surprise visit of the uninvited guest..." but you provide no details... was she ill before? Your lead in indicates it was the monsoon season - did this have something to do with it? You need to lead the reader to this point, not just arrive there. We need to understand what led to this, how you tried to "grasp Daisy..." You also call it a "gift of Death" which would indicate that maybe this wasn't a bad thing. You've got the outline of a story - but there are too many holes for the reader to make sense of it.

Technical Notes:
I get the impression that English is not your primary language (forgive me if I'm wrong

) Some of your phrasing is a bit awkward such as "Tears of pain covered all eyes of loved ones." In the natural flow of English, you might have said "Tears of pain filled the eyes of those who loved her." Even here, you could add more depth by adding in description such as "cascaded down cheeks," or "blinded us to the small soul leaving..." Remember - you're "seeing" this in your mind as you write it but we, the readers, only have your words. Don't be afraid to add the small details that your seeing to your descriptions - it only helps us look over your shoulder and share the moment with you.

Overall Rating:

and a

This has the outlines of a gentle and loving story - you need to fill in that outline with more descriptions and let us understand how and why. A good start but needs more work

. Let me know when you've added more - I'd like to read the whole story

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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807

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14 days may be credited.

#3103381

Review of Wedding

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Koyel~writing again

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Wedding"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A beautiful capture of a wedding - filled with happiness and anticipation.

Creativity:
I love the Petrachian Sonnet form... you've done it wonderfully.

Content:
You tell of a wedding day - the happiness, the excitement, the food (love gateau - a most descriptive but uncommon word), the smouldering passions

. Your imagery is great, your words and phrasing keep this fresh, and your story captures the moments vividly. Well done.

Technical Notes:
I saw no errors. I can't comment on the "iambic" since I am "metrically challenged"

. The form itself reads perfect to me but I struggle with stressed vs. unstressed.

Overall Rating:

A beautiful poem in a classic style. I think you've done this form proud! Thank you for sharing this bit of happiness with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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808

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14 days may be credited.

#3098195

Review of Shade of Gray

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Kristi

It's me, Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Shade of Gray"

[18+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A darkly told tale of addiction and its affects on your life.

Creativity:
The honesty alone is enough to capture the reader and pull them into this tale.

Content:
Not a complicated tale, just the straight forward telling of methamphetamine addiction. You speak of its appeal and the subtle ways it pulls you in. A chilling tale.

Technical Notes:
Two thoughts... the beginning of stanza 4 "Just one taste of my special sauce..." It didn't seem to go with the rest of the poem. You speak of a temptuous land but give me McDonalds

Dark ecstasy or some other description would fit better. The beginning of stanza 5 - "Begging me for just one more..." one more what? half hour, chance to bring you to the temptuous land... I didn't understand.

Overall Rating:

and a

There is such honesty and a darkness to this that's just plain scary. There's also a courageous heart that can be heard between the lines that speaks of trust and strength both to write this and survive this. Many blessings to you for sharing this and your wonderful talent today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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809

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14 days may be credited.

#3097145

Review of Breaking Yoke

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Jimminycritic

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Breaking Yoke"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Awww. How mean is that?

Poor Humpty!

Creativity:
Definitely not for the little ones but funny for us with a slightly bent sense of humor.

Content:
You tell of the murder of Humpty and the savage cannibalism of the king's men. I'm not sure eggs-actly what his crime was but he paid the price

to his transgressions. Great use of words - love "execrable". Too many are afraid to use the English language in all its glory. I'm proud you didn't dumb this down.

Technical Notes:
A little work on meter would help this flow a bit better. You vary from 13 beats (line 1) to 18 (line 2). Generally, try and stay within a beat for smoothness. "We placed the pan over flame until it grew hotter." (13 beats). Try it and feel the difference.

Overall Rating:

and a

5

for creativity and 4 1/2 for eggs-acution

- Sorry couldn't resist. A really dark but humorous poem that was great fun to read. Thank you for sharing this gem with me today!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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810

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14 days may be credited.

#3097135

Review of A Dog Tail

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Jim...

Now how could I pass up a shaggy dog story

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Dog Tail"

[E] on behalf of the Talent Pond’s Hot Reviews Challenge.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Way to go, Bear!

Creativity:
There's something about dog tales that I just love. It must be because I know them so well! Never could pass one up.

Content:
You tell the tale of Bear and his shenanigans... and your secret praise of his less-than-exemplary behavior (e:laugh}. I'm sure your wife had much different thoughts. The descriptions are clear, the humor well ingrained, the story a bit icky but heart warming.

Technical Notes:
Nothing wrong with this

... but it did seem a little unfocused - perhaps a bit rambling in the recounting of his behavior. The pig was certainly an interesting bit but really, it was more filler than part of the story.

Overall Rating:

In spite of the "stretching" this was a really endearing tale. Your affection for Bear comes through each word. Thank you for sharing these warm moments with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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811

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#3096047

Review of Summertime Remembered

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Dilly

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Summertime Remembered"

[E] on behalf of the Talent Pond’s Hot Reviews Challenge.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Warm memories (for me LOL) of the summer time.

Creativity:
I love the nostalgia feel of this... very nicely done.

Content:
You tell to summer and its many meanings to you... vacation days filled with fourth of July celebration, cookouts, swimming, sudden downpours, and a host of wonderful memories. A really lovely and warm write.

Technical Notes:
Lazy

... last line of stanza 1 "fun, fun, fun." Childhood, youthful, freedom's - a missed opportunity to add depth. The end of stanza 2 - looks like you have an extraneous period floating there. Since you chose to use punctuation (good for you !) stanza 3, line 4 should probably be a comma not a period. Stanza 4, line 3 needs to end with a period.

Overall Rating:

and a

Good strong natural rhymes and warm images make this a really enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing these memories (or plans

) and your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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812

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14 days may be credited.

#3094861

Review of One Look...

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Belest

Third times a charm?

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "One Look..."

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
An anaphoric wonderland

(Anaphora is a rhetorical device in which several successive lines, phrases, clauses, or sentences begin with the same word or phrase)

Creativity:
The use of anaphora is not common so it gives this a unique feel.

Content:
You write of your infatuation with someone... one look brings to many emotions to your mind. Your use of monorhyme in each stanza is a nice touch. I felt you stretched it a bit in stanza two with "One look at you, I hope you're near." If your looking at someone, wouldn't nearness be necessary? More than emotion, poetry also needs to make sense or you'll lose the reader. Never compromise for the sake of form or rhyme.

Technical Notes:
A nice solid, faultless write.

Overall Rating:

Anaphora is a great device to bind a group of words powerfully and memorably. When used to excess, however, it can also sound monotonous, mechanical, and artificial. I've found that repetition is a great way to highlight different aspects of the same words - showing them in a new light and with a shaded meaning. Overall, I thought this was effective. Thank your sharing the many aspects of your talent with me today.

(Yep, sending the GPs back

- I enjoyed my visit with you today and reward enough!)

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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813

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#3094844

Review of Angel in Disguise

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Belest

Me again!

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Angel in Disguise"

[ASR]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A lament over a lost love.

Creativity:
Again, strong imagery invokes great emotion.

Content:
You write of being fooled by an angel - who turned out not to be

. You speak of her ripping your heart out and then handing her your heart. I think you've created a conflict with those opposing images. Still, the emotional contest of your writing is very strong and no one will walk away without understanding the pain you felt... still feel.

Technical Notes:
Nothing of note grammatically... you use a rhyme scheme of unrhymed/a/unrhymed/a except in the first stanza. This throws the rhythm off and makes it read more like free verse... until you hit the second stanza. I would try to find a single pattern if your going to use rhyme just to keep the rhythm smooth which allows yours words to touch the reader rather than distracting them.

Overall Rating:

Nicely done. I think a little polish on this will make it a truely shining jewel. You've mastered imagery and emotions... just a little work on form and you'll shine. Thank you for the opportunity to read your work. I'm returning the GPs... reading is reward enough

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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814

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14 days may be credited.

#3094835

Review of What the Earth Feels

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Belest

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "What the Earth Feels"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A poem of Gaia's sadness and slow death at the hands of her children.

Creativity:
A nice structure and a clear message... very well done.

Content:
You tell of Mother Earth and her pain as we are slowly killing her. Nice imagery as in "her children are being massacred..." depicts the destruction of the forests - be we are also her children. I think this could use some clarification such as "her stately children reaching greenly into the sky..." You'll get the same message but with a clearer image to the reader. The emotional content is perfect.

Technical Notes:
Written in free verse, there's little to say about form since it's generally accepted that most anything goes.

. I noticed you used correct punctuation which I personally think is great. That said, if you use punctuation, there's no need to capitalize the first word in every line since the reader typically sees capitalization as the beginning of a sentence and that's not how your using it. It just helps the reader follow your flow of thoughts.

Overall Rating:

A really nice poem with great imagery. A little confusion in the images as to what specifically your writing about but still, a strong message and an important one. Thank you for sharing your vision on this timely subject and your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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815

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#3094246

Review of At The Hands Of My Creator

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi bkcompton

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "At The Hands Of My Creator"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
God as a Ford Fairlane? (Just teasing you

) Images of the temporary nature of man and his ultimate search for the creator.

Creativity:
I really enjoyed the style and subtle rhyme... nicely done and very interesting to read.

Content:
Great imagery (Crushing gravity, leans into my earth, buckling and brittle) and strong vocabulary (Velocity, unpinning the axis of my being) combine in a contemporary style make this captivating. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. While I wasn't sure where you were going at the beginning, the ending provided the context for understanding.

Technical Notes:
I saw no errors in any aspect. Your use of rhyme (second and last line) set up a rhythm that carried me through. I'm not sure why you abandonded it in the last stanza.

Overall Rating:

and a

While I genuinely liked this and found it honest and fresh, for me it seemed a little over the top in imagery that I really had to struggle with to make sense of in the context of "At The Hand of My Creator." In truth, I liked your original title and thought it much more descriptive of the poem. I love poetry that challenges me to think and this did but it also makes it less accessible to a broader audience. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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816

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#3094221

Review of LOVE IS...

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Maria Mize

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "LOVE IS..."

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
1 John 4 - the expanded version

Creativity:
I like that you've taken this beyond the context of religion and shown the power and beauty of love in out everyday lives.

Content:
You provide metaphorical examples of love... as an integral part of life itself. Like the river, love smoothes and polishes our lives turning the ordinary into beauty. It supports us during times of challenge and expands our horizons, increasing it power as we apply it to our lives. A very beautiful write.

Technical Notes:
Nothing to note... your form (free verse) keeps the poetic feel of this flowing throughout while enlightening the reader with different aspects and views of love... new horizons to look at and beyond.

Overall Rating:

This is a gentle, loving poem that speaks to the great emotion that we ,as people, are blessed to have and to share. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

I'm returning your GPs - my enjoyment of this is all the reward I require

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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817

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14 days may be credited.

#3094179

Review of Sinful Memories

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi SeanFear

It's just me, Ken

and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Sinful Memories"

[18+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A look into your past and the revelations that your memories carry forth.

Creativity:
Some great imagery that draws the reader into this... sometimes a bit "over the top" but it makes for an arresting read.

Content:
Your approach is very stylized, written in an exaggerated form that harkens to another time. Phrases like "Yet and yes..."
"Oh comrades..." resemble the styles of Milton and others. You describe your "sinful memories" not in terms of content but in terms of their affect on you. This is a great approach, allowing the reader to feel the emotional turmoil while letting them recall their own sins. Some of your images are very strong. "Sinful memories in the mind's flask" is a really unique and terrific image. Some are almost obscure, causing the reader to stop and wonder such as "The record was set in a fetus and grown up to be my twin." I interpreted this as the classic good and evil that lies within each but I really had to stop and figure that out. Strong images such as that need a bit of a lead in to help the reader devine your thoughts and meaning.

Technical Notes:
I see you were going for a classic abab rhyme scheme. You rely on "eye rhymes" (yodel/model; was/alas) which really makes this read more like free verse. I think the more complex the subject, the better off you may be with free verse. It's difficult enough to express such emotions without having to fight for rhymes as well.

Overall Rating:

and a

A really interesting poem that really made me think. I quite enjoyed it although it did take several reads to figure out where you were going with this. Remember, not all readers will share your perspective and sometimes you need to provide a bit of guidance so they'll understand where you're coming from. Nicely done and I will read more of you... Thank you for sharing this...

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3092052

Review of Backseat Driver

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi ShiShad

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Backseat Driver"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A cute story... that rhymes!

Creativity:
An acrostic and a monorhyme... what a challenge. Well done!

Content:
You tell the story of Mom out driving in her new car and the police, mistakenly, stopping her thinking it was a stolen vehichle. The humor, besides the mistaken identity, comes from the child's reaction. You can't go wrong with kids

Technical Notes:
I did notice a few lines where you sacrificed normal speech to maintain the rhyme (...come out of nowhere and transcend) or did you mean descend? Of course, I also noticed the one near rhyme (lend/stolen). I was amazed you were able to keep a monorhyme. Really well done.

Overall Rating:

and a

What a great effort. The acrostic was brilliantly done and you really challenged yourself not only with incorporating a rhyme, but a monorhyme at that! A very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3091636

Review of Talent Show Finale

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Jim...

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Talent Show Finale"

[18+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Ohhhh, another dark tale ala "Carrie"...

Creativity:
I always enjoy how you work the prompts in. It's never straight forward, always with a twist. Clever, creative, and always fun.

Content:
You tell of an 8th grade girl who, beset with the physical and emotional trials and tribulation of adolecence, finds a way to show her talents. What makes this exceptionally chilling is that I could have read this story in the Washington Post or the London Times. The cruelty of children can never be underestimated.

Technical Notes:
I'm sure it's the slight differences in language (English as opposed to Americanese LOL) but in paragraph 3 you write "...enthusiastic hold of her complexion." For the American reader, it would have take a hold on her complexion. Nothing I'd change - just that it's all I could find. This is well crafted as all your work is.

Overall Rating:

Another wonderfully creative write. Another really enjoyable read! Yep, retuning the GPs too

. You're too good a writer to pay for readership - you should be charging

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3087219

Review of Harry's Prairie

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

My name is Ken (you may vaguely recall

) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Harry's Prairie"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A wonderfully humorous tale - with your patented twist

Creativity:
Great characters, tight story line, and enough detail to pull the reader into the story.

Content:
You tell the story of new neighbors - both who love their gardens - each with a different view of whats valuable in nature. Of course, they're both right but their narrow vision only allows them to see within their expectations. You've managed to really flesh out the characters in a short space and make the reader understand them. Good metaphors and casual detail brings this story from the page into the world. Really excellent story telling.

Technical Notes:
Try as I might, I couldn't find so much as a misplaced comma. This story reflects the accomplished hand of a true craftsman at work.

Overall Rating:

A great tale with meanings that transcend a simple tale of gardening. Amusing, detailed, and totally captivating! Thank you so much for sharing your vision and story telling talents with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3085998

Review of The Xeric Conspiracy

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi JACE

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Xeric Conspiracy"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A farewell letter to an uncaring society.

Creativity:
I really liked that way you approached this. You have a subtle way of building the scene. For example, "... perfection by 31 December 2043--just six short months from now" lets us know timeframe.

Content:
You tell of a bleak future where nature has yielded to the uncaring hand of man. You populate your story with actual facts such as the History Channel "archived" footage or recalling Thoreau's essays which adds a chilling air of reality to your tale. My only disappointment was the hero's giving up... anyone who has the patience to garden would never give up .

Technical Notes:
I really saw no glaring errors. A few commas are missing such as in paragraph 14 where you say "Even my wife left me unable to deal with the constant..." A comma after "me" is needed since it was your wife that was unable - not you . In the next to last paragraph, you begin with " I regret the generations that will never..." making it sound like it's the generations you regret... not the fact that they will never know the joy. Relatively mine

Overall Rating:

and a

. Overall, this was a challenging write with an important message. Challenging in the sense that you propose a future brought on by our neglect and leave it up to the reader to take it to heart and make sure that your story remains just that - a work of fiction Thank you for sharing your creative vision and talents with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

This is my first review for The Bait and Tackle Contest! Please give me the password for voting

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822

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#3085974

Review of The Xeric Conspiracy

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi JACE

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Xeric Conspiracy"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A farewell letter to an uncaring society.

Creativity:
I really liked that way you approached this. You have a subtle way of building the scene. For example, "... perfection by 31 December 2043--just six short months from now" lets us know timeframe.

Content:
You tell of a bleak future where nature has yielded to the uncaring hand of man. You populate your story with actual facts such as the History Channel "archived" footage or recalling Thoreau's essays which adds a chilling air of reality to your tale. My only disappointment was the hero's giving up... anyone who has the patience to garden would never give up

.

Technical Notes:
I really saw no glaring errors. A few commas are missing such as in paragraph 14 where you say "Even my wife left me unable to deal with the constant..." A comma after "me" is needed since it was your wife that was unable - not you

. In the next to last paragraph, you begin with " I regret the generations that will never..." making it sound like it's the generations you regret... not the fact that they will never know the joy. Relatively mine

Overall Rating:

and a

Overall, this was a challenging write with an important message. Challenging in the sense that you propose a future brought on by our neglect and leave it up to the reader to take it to heart and make sure that your story remains just that - a work of fiction

Thank you for sharing your creative vision and talents with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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823

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#3081999

Review of A sad princess

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Koyel~writing again

Thank you for the invitation. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A sad princess"

[18+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A sad fairy tale... just like the prompt asked for

Creativity:
Very nicely done... I think you've found the spirit of the prompt in this tale.

Content:
You write of a spoiled Princess who spurns the love of a Prince... with dire consequences. You use the couplet form to good ends in creating this sad tale. This is a simple tale told without fanfare. It's direct and easy for the reader to follow (which is good) but it also is too direct. There is no suspense so it comes across as very plain without any revelations to be found. Some of the lines seem a bit awkward such as "Who dwelt in luxury and recess." The word recess can mean a period of withdrawl but I think you were going for reclusive, so the line seems just a bit out of synch. "luxury and excess" would have worked better, denoting the spoiled nature of her life.

Technical Notes:
Some of the rhymes are "eye rhymes" - that is, they look similar (helplessly/ruthlessly) but they're not true rhymes. Where you can, look for perfect rhymes to keep the flow of the poem moving.

Overall Rating:

I think you did really well with a difficult prompt. Your entry will be appreciated for the story and the obvious thoughtfulness you put into it. Well done Koyel!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#3080013

Review of Escape

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Another wonderful story! Great build up and blurring of the line between reality and imagination. I really liked the ending - it's one all of us dreamers can identify with. A couple of minor "oops" which I sent you. I definitely think this is primetime reading and ready to go.

Wishing you the best of luck!

Ken

825

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14 days may be credited.

#3077470

Review of The Door

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Jaye P. Marshall

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Door"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A spooky tale of mystery and intrigue

Creativity:
Nice build up - you keep the reader guessing until the end. Is there anything scarier than our own imagination?

Content:
You tell the tale of cousins visiting Grandma's house and discovering (almost) the ghost of a lost relative. Your words and simple as is the tale but you manage to bring the warmth of summer and family out in this story. Among the many adventures, you introduce the wonders of farm life - the animals and hayloft - the adventures of a cave, and finally the family secret behind "the door." Nicely done although I think since the focus of the story was "the door" you may have tried to put too much into this. For a short fiction piece, I think the focus could have been a bit more sharpened on the subject. You left a few strands - hinted at but not tied up - in the telling. The mother's humming a tune - was it the same one (which I'm guessing it was) that was heard?

Technical Notes:
Not a thing to comment on

This was well written and you showed great attention to the details of writing. Bravo.

Overall Rating:

This was a warm family tale with overtones of a ghost story. In shorter fiction, you need to sharpen the focus to get the biggest impact from the tale but overall, this was a very enjoyable and pleasing read. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

(And yes, I'm returning your autoaward GPs - reading your tale was payment enough

)

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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