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Tuesday, Jul. 2, 2024

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RAOK (Random Acts Of Kindness) helps members by Upgrading them.

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Lyrically Delicious

"Words have power." .................... .. Use It wisely.

Successor to the Game

A flash fiction piece about a grandfather playing chess with his granddaughter.

Coma

A poem about being in a coma at the hospital.

It's Already Been Said

It's Already Been Said, By: Henry Cavalier

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Don't make gremlins out of your mogwai

Gremlins are made not born

BoM / TWS Message Forum

Message forum for readers of the BoM / TWS interactive universe.

Jesus Vs. Santa

This used to be a prompt from 500 Dialogue years ago but I'm doing my own twist to it. :)

Deceased Voices

Whether it makes you crazy or not, some hear the voices of the dead.

Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/huntersmoon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/31

🌕 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,120 Public Reviews Given

3,261 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

Public Reviews

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751

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3131431

Review of The Hunted

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi Jim...

Smashing beginning! Really a brilliant concept for a story. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Hunted"

[ASR].

First Thoughts:
What a great story... you captured me from the opening and now I can't wait to read more. I'm in awe of your imagination!

Creativity:
The idea of a spectre (source to be determined) coming to the rescue of an abuctee is a unique story line. Fascinating.

Content:
Great imagery in spite of the compressed word count restrictions. You write with an active voice that pulls the reader into the tale. No wasted words but those used count for a lot. Excellent style.

Technical Notes:
Perfect form. Well crafted!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Even as a stand alone, this works really well... but of course it isn't

Now I'll have read the rest... Well done!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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752

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3128466

Review of At Her Mother’s Funeral

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Harry

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "At Her Mother’s Funeral"

[13+].

First Thoughts:
A heart warming tale of a miracle. It has an easy cadence that flows and carries the reader along with the story.

Creativity:
Very nicely done. Simple quatrains with a couplet rhyme suits the telling of this tragedy to miracle story. Your meter is consistent which helps the flow of this sweetly told tale.

Content:
From tragedy comes this tale of the mystery of God's ways. You use simple descriptions befitting the subject. The girl's miraculous recovery to honor her mother was a beautiful ending and will surely touch most hearts.

Technical Notes:
Nothing to comment on

. Well crafted and thought out.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Congratulations on winning Monty's Traditional Poetry Contest. This was a heart warming story and a well crafted poem. Thank you for sharing your talents with me today. I'm returning your autoaward GPs - no inducements are needed.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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753

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14 days may be credited.

#3125220

Review of The Midway Beckons

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Jace..

I'm not a big fan of free verse - it's usuall done so poorly (by me too

) but you've brought a wonderful image to life with your words. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Midway Beckons"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

Creativity:
You took a literal approach to creating this, capturing the unique feel and pace of a day at the carnival strolling down the midway. I noted the "refrain line" you added which is really a clever touch and enhances the poetic feel of this.

Content:
You delve into aspects of the midway... its beckoning call, its capture of our imagination, and its universal call to the young and old alike. Gentle words make this flow like a stroll down the midway. I found it very relaxing to journey with you. Well done.

Technical Notes:
I applaud your technical skills on display here. Not a thing to offer; only my congratulations.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A really nice concluding poem for the week, wrapping up the many common themes weve been wrestling with

. Excellent write. All the best though you won't need it.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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754

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14 days may be credited.

#3125208

Review of Kelli

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

Sorry I missed yesterday. I thought I'd make up for it by reading your wonderful stories

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Kelli"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

Creativity:
A "slice of life" story! You've captured the essence of a kindergarten girl LOL perfectly with this vignette.

Content:
You tell of the first day of school and the trials and tribulations of a new student - and her Mom. This is a richely woven tale full of warmth and the humor that only comes from being too human. The conflict at the end - slobbery kisses or school - adds just the perfect touch to make this hilarious.

Technical Notes:
As always, your writing is impeccable. Well crafted and well written!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I needed a smile today and you delivered with this wonderful gem. Thank you for sharing your terrific talent with me...

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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755

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14 days may be credited.

#3123219

Review of Yummy

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Koyel...

What a delight to read! It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Yummy"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

Creativity:
I'm a big fan of Asian forms and the Cinquain is one of the best. Word choice is key when your form is so restrictive and you've done this one justice!

Content:
You took the literal approach and used classical words such as "scarlet" to bring the image off the page and into the world of the reader. A really nice write.

Technical Notes:
Excellent in form, perfect in word choice - a joy to read. No errors.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Well done! A really nice write and a pleasure to read and let the words roll off my tongue

... Pleasure!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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756

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#3122478

Review of Nightmare Beach

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Michael...

It's just me - Ken - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Nightmare Beach"

[13+] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

Creativity:
Darky writ! The stranger in the night and the bittersweet ending combine to make a compelling tale.

Content:
You managed to develop this very well in a short time. Nice imagery to set the scene of a loving couple just out to enjoy the beautiful evening. You bring in the darkness and even manage to add a bit of gore as you build to the end. The dying scene is very touching, increasing the horror of the act.

Technical Notes:
I saw nothing to comment on. Well crafted - well done. You may want to read this from a "breath" view. I noticed that the opening sentence was very long. Typically, a sentence should run no more than a breath long

- and no fair reading fast LOL.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A touch of the macabre makes this a really enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your darkness with me tonight.

(Yes, I'm returning your GPs... no need for rewards when the stories as good as this

)

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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757

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#3122426

Review of No Escape

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Audra...

Let's hope the second time's a charm LOL. I'd hate to keep rewriting this review forever. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "No Escape"

[18+] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

Creativity:
You warned me it was dark

and you did not mislead. However, I happen to really enjoy dark writes - I'm just not good at them. I thought your imagery was borderline spalterpunk which really grabs the reader by the... throat

and jerks him/her into the poem.

Content:
From your opening line "Pleading fingernails scrape closed door." to the final loss of hope at the end, you paint dark images that cry of the hopelessness and isolation you feel. As strange as it seems, there's also a strong sense of melancholy here... of something remembered but unseen.

Technical Notes:
Brilliant form ({e:laugh - just kidding you!}) I thought you handled the form well and saw nothing to comment on... technically. I did notice some the lines felt a bit stilted which is probably the restrictions of the form. Let it brew and return and you'll see the solution. Just as an idea... In the second quatrain... "Bloodied skin hangs dangling and tore" felt odd. I kept trying to read "torn". If you slightly reworded it such as "Bloodied skin hangs from hands that tore..." you could use enjambment to continue on the next line with an uninterrupted flow. "seeking release; hope flees the soul/as strength fails and takes its dark toll." Don't mind me

...

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

I so enjoyed this... it cleansed the palette from all the sugary writes we've been exposed to lately

. You did me proud and I'm grateful. Thank you for sharing your obsidian thoughts with me today!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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758

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14 days may be credited.

#3122228

Review of Edible Indulgence

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Audra...

You know I love forms and just had to peek at "The Aralls"

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Edible Indulgence"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

Creativity:
Very clever. A variation on an Acrostic using vowels. Nicely done.

Content:
You bring the sweet memory of candied apples to my mind... until you decide to add a wry twist at the end

I love the poetic feel of this. Your word choice is impeccable - "illusions of carmeled happiness" and "uttering paradise promises."

Technical Notes:
I appreciate that - like me - you stand in complete befuddlement over iambic

and forbid it. That alone is worth 5 stars in my book! The rest - flawless.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Your love affair with these candied jewels shines

. A wonderful form and a caloric write

... even with the added protein! Thank you for sharing this smile filled poem with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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759

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3121817

Review of Alien Aphrodisiac

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hey Jim...

I'll forgo the "formal" review and just say...

I bow to the master

- Alien shark fins... are there no boundaries to your imagination? I love the darker and more realistic version of your anti-hero. I guess you could say he's keeping up with the Jones? (Indiana, of course

)

Well told narrative - great descriptions like "essence of ozone..." bring the action off the page and impinge on my senses. Just a terrific story.

Bravo!

Ken

760

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14 days may be credited.

#3120330

Review of Tasting Memories

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Jace..

What a funny take - you've captured the essence of childhood in this Rondelet. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tasting Memories"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

Creativity:
I could see the fair and the kid's (big and small

heading for the confections.

Content:
You've captured a day at the fair in this highly structured poem. Given the constraints, I think you did an outstanding write that brings warm memories bubbling up.

Technical Notes:
Perfect form, perfect rhymes, perfect...

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

What a fun write. You've captured the carnival atmosphere in your words and images. Thank you for sharing your talent with me tonight.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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761

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#3120305

Review of Sweet as Candy

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Audra...

What a sweet write (no pun intended

). It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Sweet as Candy"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

Creativity:
I could hear you talking to your daughter/grand-daughter following a trip to the fair. This was such a tender write.

Content:
This is almost a whisper at bedtime... it has a gentle sing-song rhythm that soothes and makes you want to smile. What an excellent take from the prompt.

Technical Notes:
You've nailed the form

... and I have only one minor recommendation... at the end of line 4, you should change the period to a comma.

- my fingers don't always do what I tell them either.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Great take on the prompt and a touching tale for the reader. Well done and many thanks for sharing this with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3119254

Review of Different Experiences

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi aralls

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Different Experiences"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
The circus is in town

Creativity:
Given the limits of the form and prompt, I think you did wonderful.

Content:
You've captured the excitement of the kids and the exhaustion of the parents - a whole story in 18 syllables!

Technical Notes:
The form is perfect... The use of color suspect (LOL) - just kidding - it reflects the brightness of the subject. Clever use of the reader's senses.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Excellent poem and a fun read. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3119251

Review of Desire

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi JACE

A really terrific poem - given all the constraints

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Desire"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
Well done! You've taken a harshly limited form and found the joy in a circus visit.

Creativity:
Given the prompt and the form, I think you found a way to break free and find a voice.

Content:
Hey - it's not only boys

but you captured that impish side of the young and brought the enthusiasm of a trip to the circus to your words.

Technical Notes:
I hate this form!

but you executed it perfectly!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Very creative; you took this beyond a collection of words and made it a story. Thank you for sharing your amazing talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3118006

Review of Suicide

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi D.J.

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Suicide"

[18+] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
Well, this is it

The last item in your port I haven't read. I'll be out of your hair in a moment. You have a nice mix ot poetry and I hope you'll continue to write. You have a wonderful talent - I hope we'll see some happier poems in the not to distant future

Creativity:
Half rhyme, half free verse - it works! I sense a lot of guilt in the several writes you've done about your father's death. It was, in the end, his choice and you can lay down that burden now.

Content:
You write of the many lingering questions that life after a suicide leaves. There are no answers. Your worry and pain are etched in the words and images you use. This is very powerful writing and anyone reading it will mirror their own losses making this very touching.

Technical Notes:
Near the end you write "when one leaves another decides to come by." I think you need a comma after "leaves". I first read it as "when one leaves another... " and then had to back up. I saw a similar issue in "And everyday like the sun does rise." I think removing "like" and ending the line with a period since it really doesn't flow into the last line.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

Another powerful write filled with raw emotions. Poetically, a bit of tuning up would help - emotionally, you've captured and expressed your feelings very well. I wish you continued writing, a rapid healing of your strong spirit, and the very best going forward.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3117994

Review of Like the weather

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi CountryGal

Yes, I'm still here

You've a small but nice mix of items to read. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Like the weather"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
You tell 'em girl!

A great metaphorical write that - in spite of it's melancholy subject - left me with a smile.

Creativity:
I throroughly enjoyed reading this. It flowed well and the content to the point and well thought out.

Content:
I really enjoyed this tale of getting over a lost love. Your strength is reflected in the line "my tears are too good for you." The comparison of weather to relationships was well done and very easy to read and nod my head in understanding. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
The meter (typically seen as syllables per line) needs to be smoothed just a bit. In the line "and your addiction..." you have 11 beats followed by 7 followed by 4. This doesn't impact content but it makes the read uneven. I tend to read poetry out loud and this variation makes it sound awkward. I think without much effort you could get a steady rhythm going that would help the feel of this.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

Good for you! It's a pleasure to read such a strong write about finding the inner strength to move on. Thank you for giving me a smile today and for sharing your talent!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3117980

Review of Her Tears

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi D.J.

Yeah, I'm still hanging around. I think by the time I'm done, I'll have read everything you have posted

. Time to get busy with your writing LOL. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Her Tears"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
What a unique form! Made me go look it up

. I thought you handled the form wonderfully and the content was superb!

Creativity:
I note that you added a layer of challenge: you added rhyme! It's subtle and really adds to the flavor and flow this short piece. Excellent innovation!

Content:
You tell a whole story in this brief form... it's emotional, flows well, and - while it may be mainstream in the subject matter - the form and telling really is very appealing. A very enjoyable read,

Technical Notes:
Perfect

Well crafted, well written, well done!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Perferct form, perfect write, perfect score

This was really well done and I applaud your style and talent. Thank you for sharing a new form and a great write.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3117964

Review of REWIND

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi CountryGal

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "REWIND"

[18+] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
Don't we all wish for a rewind button! In truth, the only one we have is in our memories. This was a very strong and powerful write and its honesty if very compelling.

Creativity:
The use of a refrain - "push a button and rewind" - was an excellent device in writing this. It really brought out the feelings of memories replaying in your mind so it had more than one implication in your poem.

Content:
You tell of your father, your interactions with him, the events that lead you to seek help for him, and the failure of that help. Written in couplets (two line rhymes) you tell the story in a seemingly natural flow that keeps the reader following along as you move through time. Well done.

Technical Notes:
I saw nothing to really comment on. The stanzas - although long - are unique time periods and work well to organize this into comprehensible segments.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

This is the second of your poems I've read. You write with such a feeling of honesty in your words that the emotions are taken on by the reader. That's a unique talent, one I hope that you will keep nurturing. Thank you for sharing this part of your past with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3117957

Review of Memories

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi CountryGal

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Memories"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
Half prayer, half confession, all honest emotions...

Creativity:
You wrote this almost as a letter to your father... You kept the words simple and the rhyme - although it stuttered in a few places - helped this flow, pulling the reader along in your emotional tide.

Content:
You write of memories and feelings that cover a lifetime... All the happy moments coalesce around your Dad. I lost my Dad not long ago and I know where this came from. We always second guess ourselves about how we acted when they were alive. I feel certain he knew and you did what was right at the time.

Technical Notes:
They rhyme is off in a few spots such as side/mine and you have a typo in the line "that you were just dong what any daddy would do." - "doing" - but for the most part, this was a solid write. Poetically, you kept a good meter between rhyming lines but you need to work a bit on the varying meter between couplets. It makes the poem seem a bit off.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

I think this was a cathartic write for you... a chance to get out feelings that you've held for a while. The emotional content in this is powerful and sure to touch many readers. I appreciate you're willingness to share this and your talents with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3117560

Review of Mighty hunter

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

Was that a splash I heard?

Did I do that? I'm soooo sorry - not! It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Mighty hunter"

[13+] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
Out of the mouths of babes

A terrifically warm and witty story that resonates with truth.

Creativity:
Hmmm Who whispered this one to you? Oh, never mind

. I think this story is a terrific tale that has all the elements of a classic kid's story. The affection between Grandpa and Kathy is obvious as is his penchant for "tall tales." This is a great story.

Content:
This read like one of the stories that the old Reader's Digest used to put throughout thier magazine. It's warm, humorous, and instructive. It plays on a child's curiosity and a grandather's love of making up stories for his granddaughter's amusement. The interplay is believable and the gentle twist at the end leaves the reader smiling. Another well told tale.

Technical Notes:
I should just delete this section when reviewing you

There's nothing to add or comment on.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Well, at least this was written this year so I know you haven't lost your touch (LOL). A fun read that left me smiling - both from the story and from the memories it brought back about telling "whoppers" to my kids when they were little. (I now reserve those for my wife when she wants to know why I'm late - just kidding) Thank you once more for sharing your amazing talent with me... and consider yourself dunked!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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by A Guest Visitor

770

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#3117535

Review of Black Creek Crossing

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

Do you feel the water closing in?

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Black Creek Crossing"

[18+] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
A dark tale with many levels of meaning... the literal and the metaphysical. Both are well represented this marvelous work.

Creativity:
I thought your rhythm and rhyme were spot on! The lines flowed pulling the reader along with the black water - onward, ever onward toward the sad conclusion.

Content:
Your tale of a sad, lost soul who can't overcome his fear is very compelling. In spite of the dark nature of this, there's a familiarity that many will identify with - the fear of making a choice, no matter how right it might be, and in the end, doing nothing.... A well told tale!

Technical Notes:
In truth, I tried to find something, anything to offer you but your craftsmanship is flawless here. The only place I stumbled a bit was in stanza 5 where you wrote "He dares not try." The word dare as opposed to dares seemed more appropriate - but it's one of those things I'm not sure of. It's probably regional useage.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I see why this won the shiny ribbon that graces it

. This is a wonderfully told story... the rhythm is perfect, the rhyme is superb. A very enjoyable read! Thank you for sharing your great talent with me tonight. I'm returning your autoaward GPs - reading this was more than reward enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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by A Guest Visitor

771

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#3117530

Review of Winter Solstice

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

Yes, I'm definitely raiding your port

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Winter Solstice"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
A simple quatrain written in couplets... and a beautiful poem of the cycles of nature.

Creativity:
This was really lovely. It's shortness belies the message within. You use plain language to draw a picture of nature and her endless cycle as winter turns to spring.

Content:
Your metaphorical images - "longest, darkest night", "banish cold as days grow long," - bring the seasons to life by thier actions. A really terrific way to describe this cycle. Well done.

Technical Notes:
Other than a comma at the end of line one, this was perfect - both in content and form.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I would be hard pressed not to rate this a near perfect. You did a wonderful job in expressing so much in such a limited space

. Once again, I thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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by A Guest Visitor

772

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#3117527

Review of Dreamcatcher

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dreamcatcher"

[18+] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
For a mom and grandmom, you do have a dark side - I hope you keep these tales to yourself!

The title grabbed me, having just a touch of Amerind in my family. The story grabbed me. Hmmm - there seems to be a bit of overflow from the story here

Creativity:
What a wonderful twist. I never thought of one "overflowing" but what a great concept.

Content:
Such a short tale but you use your words as brushes and paint exquisite detail with bold strokes. The story is complete (well, except the aftermath

) and the twist delivered perfectly.

Technical Notes:
Great attention to the crafting of this wicked little story. Nothing to improve (except make it longer LOL) and no errors.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A wonderfully devilish tale, well told, and a treat to read. Thank you for sharing this and your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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by A Guest Visitor

773

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#3117054

Review of Ride of your Life

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi aralls

I saw your entry and couldn't pass up the chance to peek

. As long as I'm here, it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Ride of your Life"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
Excellent advice in a unique form!

Creativity:
The form makes this standout - the words make it memorable. Your use of "plain speak" in this free verse recalls much of the sage advice I got in my youth (and, for the most part, ignored

). No complicated metaphors - just clear thoughts that flow from line to line.

Content:
"Relish the sights beyond. / Capture a new view of existence." With these words, you outline the heart of the your poem. Yes, hold on to your faith - but use it to release fear and embrace all that's yet to be. A really well written and efficacious way of "telling it like it is."

Technical Notes:
For the most part, I saw only the hand of a consumate craftsman. You may wish to relook at lines 6 and 12 - I count 7 syllables (which makes you consistent LOL)

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

A thoroughly enjoyable read. Your words and meanings are clear, your intentions well spoken. Thank you for allowing me to read this and for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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by A Guest Visitor

774

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#3116739

Review of Roller Coaster

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Koyel~writing again

It's just me, my friend, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Roller Coaster"

[E].

First Thoughts:
A really nice twirl - you take the prompt beyond the obvious and relate it to the larger world. You have a nice flow and your use of enjambment is excellent.

Creativity:
The form itself adds such a creative touch to this. I note you chose free verse and you've kept the poetic feel so necessary make it poetry. I think, however, you should use the { center } ML to show the form at it's best. It will add to beauty of the work.

Content:
I like that you speak of life's wheel and the ups and downs we all experience. Your admonition to "keep in mind that laughter will follow us again and we will be (be) happy" is such a positive note to end on. It make the poem both poignant and positive for the reader.

Technical Notes:
As I noted above, your last two lines contain a double "be". You need to remove one which will throw your counts off. I think if you change the next to last line to something like "again and we'll once more" that should keep your counts consistent with the form. I will also mention that the image is a Ferris Wheel (not a Rollercoaster)

not that it will change your write but just for your information.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

Fix the form and I think you'll have really done a great job with a tough form and an unusal image. I'm very proud of the progress you've made and look forward to watching you shine. Thank you for sharing your talent with me!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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775

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14 days may be credited.

#3115327

Review of Assignment 11

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi ~MorningStorm~

Okay, okay... I'm leaving

Last one, I promise. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Assignment 11"

[E].

First Thoughts:
Writing assignments are often overlooked as "just stuff that gets knocked out and turned in." Some of the best reading I've come across has been in response to an assignment. Case in point... this.

Creativity:
You really have created a wonderful visit to the bookstore within this write. Your ability to describe the details make this jump from the page into the readers mind.

Content:
You tell of a visit to bookstore... as we enter, the people of your world come to life as we see them, hear the sounds of the strore, even smell the traces of lavender in a quiet corner. You engage all the senses and really carry us with you on your journey.

Technical Notes:
Another well crafted story. I didn't see any obvious spelling or grammar edits. What I did notice is that between paragraphs 3 and 4 you switched from past tense to present. There is some minor switching even within sentences such as in paragraph 6 where you write In the corner of my eye I see a tall, lanky guy in slick, black rimmed glasses and a blue dress shirt (all present tense) that complimented (past tense) his dark slacks. Just read through again and listen for the tenses... not a difficult fix.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

The tenses are an easy fix. On the whole, this was an excellent example of descriptive writting and creating a space for a story to occur in. I really enjoyed visiting the store with you. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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