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Review Requests: OFF
3,120 Public Reviews Given
3,261 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
I'm good at...
Short Stories and better at Poetry
Favorite Genres
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Public Reviews
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Review of Inevitably  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello stranger ... *Smile*

I loved this. It was like looking into a hall of mirrors with images of yourself going on forever LOL. As ususal, your form is superb, there were no errors that I could see, and the ending a "Hyperiongate Special" LOL.

Thank you for your entry today - an terrifically enjoyable read. Hope to see you back tomorrow!

Ken

PS GPs going back LOL
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652
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi B *Smile*

I really liked this morality play *Smile* I was sure this was heading in the Dorian Grey direction but you made a great "U" turn on me *Laugh* Your form is great, there were no errors that I could see, and I think the twist made a clever ending. Great work!

Thank you for your entry today - a very enjoyable read. Hope to see you back tomorrow!

Ken

PS Yes, I'm returning your GPs *Smile*
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Review of Caffeine  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Helene - Missing being here!

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Caffeine"  [E].

*CoffeeG* First Impression/Thoughts:
My favorite subject *Laugh* As a coffee-holic, I can identify with the last two lines.

*CoffeeB* Creativity/Impact:
An Ode (even if it's written in senyru form) is always unique since it reflects the author's love (or hate *Smile*) for the subject. I like how you managed to relate it your relationship as well - truely, coffee is a part of the fabric of our lives (LOL - no pun intended - I spill occasionally too).

*CoffeeR* Content:
You write of coffee - and, bless you, you involve the senses! Well done. From aroma to taste to the tactile - you wrap the reader in the emotional relationship of coffee to each day.This was pretty darn near perfect. My rating decrement (half-star) is really just my opinion that the opening stanza seems to imply that water yields the aroma ... rather than "bubbles to boiling point" you could introduce the magical relationship between water and coffee and that would tie into "a gift from my love". Just my thought.

*CoffeeT* Technical Notes:
You note this as a senyru "chain" (which, in modern haiku really isn't distinguished from the traditional nature focus) and you've kept true to the form. I saw no errors so I'll give you no comments - other than a well done! *Smile*

*CoffeeP* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* A most enjoyable read and a sure hit with those of us addicted to the nectar of the Gods *Smile* Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1695763 Unavailable **
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654
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nicely done - good ending! I think you did a great job of capturing the excitement of this story in the limited space.

Now - as to format. There are some conventions to stroy writing (that I've learned the hard way LOL) that would really enhance the story - make it more readable. Since this is so short, I've taken the liberty of editing so you can see what I mean:

I went flying through the tree's feeling the wind choke me, but I could not stop. I had to get to my father before it was too late.

“Your You’re going to regret this,” my sister yelled to me as we continued to run. I thought you were flying *Smile*

“No, I'm not! I have to see dad,” I yelled to her. I had to slow myself down or I was going to fall over flat before the night was over.

“You know there they’re after you right,” she questioned me as I shot a glare back in her direction and almost tripped over a rock.

“Yes, I know. Don't remind me,” I warned. Just as I said that I heard a high pitched scream as something big and black flew overhead and then disappeared.

“There They’re closer, !!!!!!!” my little sister exclaimed frantically.

“I know,” I yelled back as 5 of these big black creatures landed in front of my face.

My little sister looked at me as I pulled my sward sword from my sheath. “David...are you strong enough to fight them all of by yourself?”

I looked at her as one of the beasts started moving forward. “I will have to be....duck,” I yelled as she instinctively dropped her head just as one of the things made a swipe at her. I quickly stabbed one of the “things” before it came any closer and it dropped to the ground. Another one came forward and soon had me pinned to a tree by the sword. What sword? Did the creatures have swords – it seemed that you had implied they were attacking with claws. *Smile*

“I told you, you'd regret this,” my little sister said as she turned into ont one of the big black creatures herself.

I hope you found this useful - and I look forward to reading your next entry.

Ken
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Review of Reflection of Us  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent story and I quite enjoyed the twist at the end - I think you did really well with this.

The story was smooth, the detail sufficient to create the images needed to put me into the story, and the humor (and wisdom *Laugh*) of the witch just the right touch to make this entertaining.

Hmmm - the only thing I noted was that you referred to the witch as a "sorcerer" which (as a layman) I would associate with male rather than female (witch).

Great job!

Ken
(and yes, I'm returning your GPs - I should be paying you LOL)
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Review of Beyond Soap  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
LOL - A great twist that sent waves of pain through me. As always, I love the wry humor you infuse every write with. With this one, it's closeness to reality made it both funny and poignant.

Excellent story - hope your book(s) are going well enough that you continue to pop in now and then and brighten my day *Smile*

Ken
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Review of The Journey Home  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bravo Jace ...

I salute you for using the last half of the opening line - it never occurred to me LOL - and based on their "definition" perfectly fine. You are a creative and imaginative poet!

As far as I can tell, you followed the form perfectly, wrote a creative and well flowing piece. I'd say you've outdone yourself for a final effort *Laugh*.

Thanks once more for a most enjoyable read.

Ken
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658
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Shi *Smile*

What a terrific write! I know a little of the history and this was a brilliant interpretation of the prompt.

On the positive side: I love that you worked in history on this. You retold the story of these brave men and women in a wonderful form.

On the not so positive: while there is no specified meter for a Rondeau, each line should have the same meter. You were close but off in a few lines, varying from 6 to 9. The rhyme is aabba aabR aabbaR which means there are only two rhymes in the poem. All a's must rhyme and all b's must rhyme.

Regardless of form, this was an excellent interpretation and a very enjoyable read. Well done!

Ken
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659
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Cleverly done - a great take on the prompt. The concept of sharing without regard to what others think, the idea of an open heart - many layers of thought in this.

Really - an enjoyable read and a thought provoking write. Excellent work, Jace ..

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination!

Ken
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Review of Help The Homeless  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SS -

Congratulations! This was the hardest form I've ever had to do - and you make it look easy *Smile* I love the approach and subject you undertook in this. Your descriptions are vivid and really bring the plight of the homeless into sharp relief.

I think you did really well with a difficult form. Thank you for sharing your passion and your talent with me.

Ken
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Review of Money  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SS...

A unique view of the prompt -- I really like that you wrote of your feelings about the image rather than just about a pink pig *Laugh*. Your form is perfect and your subject well expressed. I will admit, however, that you seem to be quite the optmist*Smile*. "Hit the lottery" indeed *Laugh*

A very enjoyable read. Well done.

Ken
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Review of Solicitude  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lucky...

A unique view of the prompt -- I really like that you wrote of your feelings about the image rather than just about a pink pig *Laugh*. Your form, however, needs just a bit of work on line 4 - which has (by my count) 9 rather than 7 syllables.

Your subject is well expressed and the read was enjoyable. *Smile*.

Ken
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Review of Destination  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done, Koyel. Congratulations on the recognition. I look forward to reading more your insightful and powerful words.

Ken
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Review of Life  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent take - such a poweful image should have powerful words and that's just what you delivered. (Don't share - but this was my pick for Day 1 winner *Smile*). Great job and congratulations on the recognition.

Ken
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Review of Tears  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sheba

My name is Ken - and I'm returning the kindness you showed in looking at my poem and leaving me your thoughts. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tears"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Hmmm, judging by your write and the choice of poems you've read, I'd say someone needs a smile *Smile*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I like the use of a repetitive refrain - it allows you to look at differing aspects in meaning and tone as you expand on each line. That said, your words are terse - and I'm left to explore my own feelings rather than share and understand yours. Consider expanding your prose a bit if you're writing for others. They don't have access to your emotions except through your words.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of "feeling lifes grip." Obviously, life is holding you a bit tight right now *Smile* My only comment is that this is a sad poem about what has made you feel this way ... but the last refrain shows a bit of hope. Perhaps (just a thought) the tears don't need to fall at the end? Hey *Laugh* - it's your poem and your feelings - this is just my reaction to it. Take it for what it's worth.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
No errors in grammar, spelling, or form. Nicely done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I for one enjoyed this and really think you have promise - Of course, it would help if you'd post a few more *Laugh* but that will come with time. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1695763 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi VictoriaMcCullough

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Portrait of Osceola"  [E] on behalf of the Native American Picture Prompt Contest.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Nuggets of gold in a stream *Smile*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
A bit meandering - I had a hard time picking up the thread of meaning most likely because I wasn't familiar with your references. There is a beauty in your words and images but without context, some of it was lost on me.

*NoteG* Content:
Now, Osceola I was familiar with *Smile* but as I read deeping into this rich tale, I didn't see a connection except in a general sense - native americans. I love your approach but some editing would benefit this. For example, you write "The revealing marks of the Indian face, pressed beautifully parched in the hot heat ... " A comma after "beautifully" would have improved clarity. "pressed beautifully parched" made me stop and decipher what was being said. You want the reader to flow with the story. The sadness of our collective loss was apparent and your story was successful in the telling. As Walt Whitman said, "Be curious, not judgmental " and I did find that your story made me want to know more.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
No errors in grammar but some editing would help the flow. Perhaps for those of us who are ignorant of the great poets *Blush* a few notes to put this context would help. Well done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A nice telling - even if some of the subtleties were lost on me *Laugh*. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1695763 Unavailable **
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Review of Faded memories  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very emotional, very dark (like the prompt *Smile*)

A wonderful take on the image. Nice use of the form which you did perfectly (except for L2/S2 - maybe add "Her ... heart")

I was with you all the way to the last line. In my mind, "destroyed by deciet" was the clincher ... Maybe (just my humble opinion) you should refine the last line so the power of those 3 words forms the climax of the poem? A thought.

Thank you for sharing your talent (which is underscored here) and your imagination (reflected in this tale of sadness) with me today. Best of luck!

Ken
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Review of Zephyr Cove  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Duchess Laughing Lemurs

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Zephyr Cove"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A delightful fantasy - sure to bring a smile to anyone who reads it.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Very clever write. You kept the best for last *Laugh* - nice twist at the end.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of lovers - Saul and Andrea - and his secret life that 's about to be opened. Nice set up, building the suspense until the final curtain is raised - and the ultimate twist is revealed.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
I saw nothing to comment on. A well crafted and edited story.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A very imaginative story that's sure to give a smile to anyone reading it. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1695763 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Excellent! I love fantasy and even from this outline, I can tell this is going to be a great tale. Perhaps I'm sponsoring the next JK Rowlings *Laugh*. Seriously, a really well thought out and imaginative write. I can't wait to read the rest!

Ken
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Review of COLORS OF FALL  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I love the opening lines ... they bring to mind the richness of color that comes with this time of the year. The overall poem - an autumn memory of your childhood - speaks to our own autumnal years. The transition between the two was a bit stark. The rich description of color could have moved with the story ... dark russet stains on a barrel ... an artist's palette of leaves raked into a pile ... I think you could have gone deeper with the theme.

Over all, a wonderfully told reminiscene. Thank you for sharing ...

Ken
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Review of Jack Sprat  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Bravo - a great twist on the original. Creative and fun, you still manage to impart a great message to the reader.

The very last line is a mouthful *Smile* and breaks the flow a bit. I think you could drop the "because" because *Laugh* it makes the last line an incomplete sentence and it doesn't add anything to poem. Just my thoughts ...

Excellent take! Well done, poet ...

Ken
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Review of The Black Heart  
In affiliation with Smile~Worldwide  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi shannonlovesraves

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Black Heart"  [13+] on behalf of "Smile~Worldwide"  [E]

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Sorry to burst your bubble *Smile* but I suspected this was about you. It's not uncommon (even when you don't mean to) to leave pieces of yourself in your writing. That's why I think poetry is a brave thing to write - you can't write a good poem without revealing yourself.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
This is a dark write (and I'm glad to see you rated it appropriately) that speaks of the lonliness and separation we all feel from the world around us. This is - in essence - a piece of you and that makes it unique. Well done.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of your innermost feelings of hate and separation... apparently directed toward your father and then generalized to world at large. You describe this as a "black heart" and use good imagery (glass, raven's eye) to underline this. A small disagreement here *Smile* - glass is hard but ususally transparent. You might consider "obsidian" - a black glass-like substance. Overall, you've expressed yourself well and that's the purpose of poetry, isn't it? To be understood.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
There are several fundamental errors in your write. While the overall meaning is not affected by them, they do distract the reader from your message. Here's what I saw:

First Stanza - Line 4: "Is hate, too her poor heart." Too means also - I think you were looking for "to"
Second Stanza - Lines 5&6: "becuase they then knew they over done it." Three issues - you mispelled "because", you changed tense so I'd say "know" instead of knew, and to keep the tense correct "they'd know they've over done it."
Line 10: "black" - typo
Line 11: "heavy" - typo
Stanza 3, Line 2: "other than"
Line 11: "surprise" - mispelled
Staza 4, Line 3: "because" - typo
Line 7: "I" should be capitalized (although in free verse, if you don't capitalize any words, it's acceptable.)

I'm guessing you meant to center the poem. To do that place the center command at the beginning of your poem {center} ...
and the end center at the end of your poem {/center}. You don't need the align left command - that's the default.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* I'll give you 5 *Star* for honesty! This is truely a heartfelt write. Unfortunately, the technical errors will pull the reader away from your words and emotions - and that is not what you want! I hope that will continue to write - you seem like someone with a lot to say and there are many who will identify with your feelings. Just as a thought, I write all my poetry in MS Word so common mistakes like typos get caught before I post them. It also serves as a great back up for you writing *Smile*. Who knows - maybe someday you'll want to publish. I look forward to reading more of you.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1695764 Unavailable **
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In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A very creative idea - and after reading, and reading, and reading - I'm not sure I get it yet LOL but I'll keep watching and am sure I'll pick up on the subtleties before too long.

Way to go!

Ken
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Review of The Perfect Gift  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I tried like crazy to find a hook - to no avail. Your imagination never seems to fail you or impress me. A wonderful story with an original and creative twist. Darn you *Laugh* Congratulations on another win (don't worry - this one is a winner)

Ken
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Review of Hanging in There  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Great job with a difficult form. I saw no deviations in the form - perfect. You've captured the image and clearly brought out the hidden voice of the climber. I really enjoyed your inventive rhymes as well *Laugh* - compose/cleated toes and plummet/summit - very creative. The use of identical rhymes (ahead/head) was also appreciated - too many poets reject them although they are valid. I do have a small issue with the meter which varies widely (from 4 to 12 syllables) but that's not a condition of the form - only personal preference. I think this will do well in the contest - congratulations "poet!"Ken
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