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3,120 Public Reviews Given
3,261 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
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Short Stories and better at Poetry
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Review of Drake Uncharted  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Nina Powers

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Drake Uncharted"  [ASR] entered in the Daily Flash Fiction contest.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Clever and imaginative ... although as a parent of teenager - a little too close to home *Laugh*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Good build up of tension and nice twist at the end! An enjoyable read from start to finish.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of the adventures of Drake - a hero of our times - and his adventures in the near/distant future. Your descriptions are solid and build up the image of a desolate world where destruction and neglect have left our cities in ruins. You clearly lay out the challenge facing Drake and ... I'll not be the one to give away the ending *Laugh*. Suffice it to say, our hero will prevail ... eventually!

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Just a couple of minor writing notes - In the opening paragraph you write "Archaic temples, that had been created long before machines, sub-divisions and mini-malls,..." If I understand this correctly - they all were created before ... just move your descriptor to the end of the list *Smile*. You might also want to rethink "archaic" which typically is accepted as "out of date". It's not wrong - just awkward for the American reader.

In paragraph 2, you wrote "He pulled himself up unto the branch..." Unto means toward - onto means on top of *Smile*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* A fun read that I found creative and imaginative. I think you have time to make a few minor corrections before this ends - and I really think this has a great shot at winning. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya "Hawk" *Smile*

I just dropped by to say Hi and offer congratulations on a very imaginative and creative tale. I love the premise and had to smile at the cleverness of this enjoyable read.

You may want to re-read line 6 of the conversation. You wrote "Always we have went together." I can't tell you exactly why but that just sounds wrong *Smile*. I'd recommend either dropping "have" or changing went to "gone."

Thanks for an enjoyable story!

Ken
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Review of The Fall  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Charity

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Fall"  [13+] entered in the Daily Flash Fiction Contest.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Nice twist *Smile* You keep the reader guessing as to what's really going on.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Nice build up of tension. You use words that hint at a direction and then reverse where the reader's going when you add the context. A fun read and very dramatic for such a short piece.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of an unnamed character (think about personalizing this next time - it adds a human element to the story when we have a name) that's preparing to die - or so you make us believe. His thoughts and concerns are nicely developed, adding depth to the character. With giving the ending away, you bring us to the brink - anticipating what may happen next - the "snap" you let us see the larger picture of what's occuring. A good story line and continuous action make this an enjoyable read.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
While I give you 5 *Star* for creativity and orginality, I felt there were some technical issues with this that detracted from the tale. The writing conventions (which I learned the hard way *Laugh* say that internal thoughts are shown in italics - which you did. However, you missed the transitions in every place. For example: you wrote in your opening line "Every one leaves, no one stays forever. He reminded himself every time fear began to creep into his belly." At the end of thought, rather than a period - add a comma just like spoken words. It would then read: i}Every one leaves, no one stays forever, he reminded himself every each time fear began to creep into his belly." I think you'll find that the story will flow more naturally.

In the second paragraph, you misused "their" in place of "there".

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A nicely told tale of suspense. There are a few technical issues which are easily corrected before the contest ends. I think, with a little polish, this "jewel" will shine *Smile*. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Review of Writing in Snow  
for entry "Urban Fantasy" 
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating

It's just me - Ken, again *Smile* - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Urban Fantasy"  both as a fellow poet and as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
I love the fanciful feel of this exploring the urban myths of our childhood. A joy to read!

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I found this wonderfully creative - from the dragons to the faeries. Each verse was a jewel and together they formed a necklace of memories from my youth. Thank you.

*NoteG* Content:
You write in vignettes of the various mythical creatures of our youth (not to imply they don't still visit LOL). Your well chosen words give us both a name and a sense of their power over our imagination. I really enjoyed both the poetry and the reminders.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Beautifully written, my only comment concerns your use of the the opening and closing word in each verse. Since you used the same word, this felt a bit "old school" to me - I orginally learned cinquains as the first line was a noun and the last a synonym for the opening line. There's nothing wrong with that approach - but I think you should be consistent. In verses 1, 2, and 4 you used the same word. In verses 3 and 5, you don't (although 5 could just be a typo). The form itself is masterfully handled. I should also mention that cinquains are ususally presented centered. I really haven't found that written anywhere but all the examples I've seen are shown centered. The inventor of the form, Alice Crapsey (no, I'm not kidding *Smile*) always wrote these centered since her background was Asian forms which are written that way.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* I ususally subscribe to a belief that content trumps form and I loved your write. That said, since this group is together specifically to explore the various forms, I've held back a perfect mark based on my belief about both the form presentation. Please don't take that as a criticism of what you wrote - this was truely an inspiring write. Thank you for sharing with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you continued poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Review of Life's Cycle  
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi JACE

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Life's Cycle"  [E] as a fellow poet and as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Talk about a short biography *Laugh* As always, I'm amazed at the variations on theme you come up with and the deft way you manage to say so much with so few words.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I think this is THE most difficult of the cinquain variations ... and you handled it very well. The facets of a life cascade down the poem until the final verse. Very creative and imaginative.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of the phases of a life - from birth to the present to finding peace with the inevitable future. A grand undertaking well done. My only hesistation with this is the final verse. Because you used key words in the other verses (i.e. Enthusiasm, Celebration) to set the tone of the individual cinquains, I felt that the final "assembled" cinquain felt a bit choppy and really didn't give me a sense of closure like each of the preceeding verses did. Maybe it's just me *Smile* - I am a bit thick headed sometimes.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Your chosen form - a Garland Cinquain - is the most challenging variation and I think you handled it brilliantly. Each verse was well thought out and well crafted, reflecting the careful hand of a true artist. Well done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* I found this creative, imaginative, and very enjoyable. You never cease to amaze me with your talent. Thank you for sharing this with me today!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Review of Byte Flight  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awww Jim. What a terrific tale. I suspect this was a bit longer in your first pass - there's so much hinted at but not defined. I want to read the book *Laugh* or - if you're feeling lazy - the novelette. Great concepts and a wonderful telling ... you're still No. 1 in my book.

Ken
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In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Clever, clever *Smile* A wickedly deceptive write with a wonderfully imaginative twist. Very enjoyable read and if I were predicting (which, of course, I'm not LOL) I'd say we have a winner.

The only hiccup I saw was mid-way through you wrote "someone like the Chinese or North Korea, ..." I think it should be either "China" if you want to designate a country or "Koreans" if you want to refer to the people. (Yes, I know ... picky, picky LOL)

Great job and a fun read!

Ken
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In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again, SWPoet

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Thaw (Cinquain -week 2)"  [E] as a fellow travelr in the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Very emotional - a hard truth nicely told.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I must say, Brandy, that this is a very touching piece you've written. There is a wonderful simplistic truth in the words you've woven in developting the theme you've chosen. Very enlightening.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of heartache in the guise of winter. The imagery is as stark as the pain that you reflect as you draw a picture of the coldness of the season and compare it to what's in your heart. The final two words reflect a sense of acceptance and moving on which is both touching and even somewhat hopeful.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
The form and flow are perfect. Just as a thought (and it's a personal observation only) there's no requirement for punctuation but I think it would help in the reading. A cinquain is so short that it really doesn't affect the flow of this but in longer versons (chain, crown, or garland) it might add to the clarity.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A terrific write that really found its mark with this reader. I think many will find the truth and beauty in what your wrote. Well done - and thank you for sharing your talent and emotions with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Review of Morning Brew  
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again ~WhoMe???~ *Smile*

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Morning Brew"  [E] as a fellow traveler in the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Sweet! *Laugh*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Nicely done - I know, as a fellow addict, just what a warm sense that first cup gives; a reassurance that all is right with the world.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of morning coffee (even though you dilute it with white chocolate *Laugh*) and the great start to the day it provides. Your pure enjoyment comes through in this well crafted cinquain.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Perfect! Not a comma (or more imporantly, a syllable) out of place. I'd love to give you some suggestions but there's nothing I can say but praise.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A really sweet write (yes, the pun was deliberate LOL). Thank you for sharing your talents with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Review of Island Time  
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi JACE

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know *Laugh*) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Island Time"  [E]as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
It's time you stop whining about how you're not a poet *Laugh*. This was brilliant!

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
A mirrored acrostic with an internal rhyme - that's about as creative (and challenging) as it comes.

*NoteG* Content:
You write about taking a break from the rat race and finding that time - a former master - has become a friend with a name: ISLAND TIME. Great use of vocabulary and clever rhymes (away/Calais) make this a joy to read..

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
OK as good as this is, it isn't without a few minor blemishes *Laugh* The meter in some of the lines made for a bit of a challenge to keep the flow going ... but they're hardly worth mentioning and pale in comparison of what you DID achieve.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* How could I rate this lower? This is a unique, creative, and thoroughly enjoyable read! Thank you (he said jealously LOL) for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Review of Writing in Snow  
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Alien Encounters of the Artistic Kind"  as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Ohhh I love scifi and mysteries *Laugh* Great subject!

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
CROP CIRCLES - now, I have to admit - I've never read a poem about those before - but I was instantly drawn into this imaginative piece.

*NoteG* Content:
I really like subject and I love the approach you took in casting crop circles as alien art. Very imaginative. You set the stage by citing the many speculative sides to these mysteries and then end with your own beliefs. A very well done piece.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
The acrostic form - especially the variation you chose - is not always easy. I think you carried this off with great skill. As to the write itself - I saw only a few minor oversights.
Stanza 1 - The opening line cites "mysterious artist." You need to either pluralize it to artists or add an "a" in the sentence.
Stanza 2 - The second line states "circles are human create hoaxes." Should be "created hoaxes."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* Nicely done overall and a most enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today! I look forward to reading more of your work as we explore new forms together.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Review of Cultural Exchange  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Darn but you keep juxtaposing the mundane with imaginative settings and you keep me laughing.

Happy New Year, my friend ... and thank you for the entertainment and the chuckles.

Ken
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Review of FRED AND COCO  
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi ~WhoMe???~

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "FRED AND COCO"  [E]as a fellow member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Being a dog lover myself - and the patron of four crazies LOL - I found this thoroughly enjoyable and *Blush* identifiable.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
A unique part of your day - a vignette filled with warmth and natural humor of life - what's not creative?

*NoteG* Content:
You write of your dogs, Coco the diva and overlord, and Fred the frantic. Your descriptions are vivid, bringing the dogs and their antics to life. Woven into this is a sense of the joy they bring you and the bond you share. A really fun and enjoyable read.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
The chosen form is an Acrostic and I think you did well. Just food for thought - in my limited view, an acrostic is just a specialized form of free-verse. The key to free-verse is to keep "a poetic feel." One aspect of that is to keep a good flow which is supported through establishing a consistent rhythm. The variable length of lines (from four syllables to eleven) you've used tends to make this feel more like prose than poetry.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I can't fault anything in this (other than my personal observations *Smile*). I thoroughly enjoyed this tale (no pun intended) of your puppies. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SWPoet aka Brandy ...

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know *Laugh*) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Awakening (Mirrored Acrostic Wk 1)"  [E]as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a wonderful statement of belief! I was captivated by your ability to accept elements of mysticism and weave them into you life (or poem of life, anyway *Smile*).

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I found this very fresh and creative. I'm not an expert but I recognized certain aspects of Hinduism and an oblique reference to the akashic records in your writing. Of course, that's my interpretation based on my experiences but that's the beauty of poetry, isn't it ... no poem is complete until read *Laugh*.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of discovering the "ancient seeds" - elements of the god mind that contain all knowledge - within you. At best, we each have only a tenuous grasp on such findings and we often lose our way to them as we get caught up in our daily existence. This is a very strong statement of personal belief as well as an acknowledgement - as Shakespear so aptly wrote - "There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy." A fascinating read!

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Strong use of the form. Well done.

Two things I did notice - neither of which are major and I provide them only as food for thought. The first being that (in my view), an Acrostic is just a specialized variation on free-verse. The key to free-verse is to keep "a poetic feel" to the writing. This read a bit more like prose due to the long length of the lines and their variable length.

The second is the line(s) "Everywhere, there are beings like us who were never told that the newborn and the ancient seeds of wisdom ... " I felt that the focus of this was really on finding the eternal wisdom that resides in each so the concept of "newborn seeds" just struck me as in conflict with the rest of the write.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* An interesting and thought provoking write. Really well done - thank for sharing your insights and talent with me today! (and yes, I'm returning your GPs *Smile* - your talent was reward enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
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Review of Is This Thing On?  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Robert Waltz

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Is This Thing On?"  [ASR] on behalf of the Paper Doll Gang's Gifting Station.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
I can't believe no one's discovered this little gem - or at least paused long enough to comment on it! *Laugh* Having written a few lyrics, I know how diffcult it is. Glad I discovered it. *Smile*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I really liked the opening - it seemed to direct me in one direction only to be pulled in another *Smile*. Like most, I kept trying to fit a tune to it as I read. Nice touch having your friend record it - it really brought the lyrics into focus. *Thumbsup*

*NoteG* Content:
This is a love song - one of doubts and the open questions that unsurity brings. The opening calls out "something sinister in the crowd" which is revealed to be the doubts that the singer feels. Your "teaser" line refers to karaoke which I thought was nicely played against "an empty band." I'm not sure that without that direction, I would have picked on it though.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
I think the techniques you used were very strong but I felt that the refrain was too heavily relied upon to carry the story. Personal opinion only - I think you could have added a chorus that would have clarified some of the ambiguity.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* A nice song that walked the line (no pun intended LOL) between pop and country. Overall, a very enjoyable read (and listen). Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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Review of Silent Seduction  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Silent Seduction"  [13+] on behalf of the Paper Doll Gang's Gifting Station.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Well, there's no doubt about what's on your mind LOL. *Blush*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
A very sensual write and one, as a member of the opposite sex, I found both enlightening and erotic. I like the oblique way you approached this - reflecting more on your own feelings as they appear and course through you. Nicely done.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of your experience finding your husband in a hot tub - and, after reading this poem - I now understand why they call it a "hot" tub. *Laugh* This is certainly a glimpse into the sensual side of you where the moments of realization and feeling come together "mid-blush" and you realize your depth of feeling for him on both an emotional and physical level. I understand the 18+ rating - but this is not an adult write - just a human one.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Nope - can't find a thing wrong with this *Laugh* A well written and well constructed poem reflecting the care of a talented writer.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Sensual and - yes - lovingly written! Thank you for allowing me to be a voyuer on your imaginative approach to this and for sharing you talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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Review of Wall Gnomes  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Simply brilliant ... see what I mean? This is why you're my hero LOL A simple household occurrence becomes a tale of fantasy and fascination in your mind. With or without the cat, this explains a lot of what happens in my house *Laugh* Hmmm maybe I'll sprinkle some flour on the floor ...

Well done sir!

Ken
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Review of Hitting Bottom  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ahhh - the old squished by a giant squid and regretting one's life story *Laugh* I'm always amazed at the imagery you pull out of a few words - you are my hero when it comes to imagination.

A well told tale - and with the closing words "Next time, he'd do better." a sequel is born *Laugh*

Well written and entertaining as always.

Ken
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In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi emerin-liseli

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Naughty Santa Claus"  [13+]. Congrats on being in this month's Comedy Newsletter *Laugh*.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Yep *Bigsmile* Naughty Santa indeed.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Very cleverly done, combining many of the familiar Christmas themes (such as the song) into a story that left me laughing. Your unique "insights" provide a wonderful explanation of Santa - the man LOL.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of Santa's reluctant preparations for another year of Christmas as he bemoans the past and what's been lost. A compelling tale that will keep the reader moving along ... and then asking for more.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Sorry - you want help? Don't write to doggone well *Laugh* I saw absolutely nothing to comment on.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A wonderfully humorous tale that will bring a smile to a few readers - and a laugh to many more. Thank you for sharing your talent and eclectic imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya Jim...

Wickedly funny - well done. My sincere appreciation for a good laugh today. *Laugh*

Ken
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In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Closch ..

Well, this was definitely a dark tale ... but well written and interesting. The bit of wry humor at the end was just the perfect touch too. *Smile*

If I may - I think this was a step up from yesterday. It felt like you were more comfortable in writing this (or perhaps it's just my imagination LOL).

Well done.

Ken
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In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hiya B ...

My but you do have a dark side, don't you *Laugh* A "passion play" commentary on the times we live in - excellent tale, excellent telling. You really should take a few of these and expand them. I know I use this forum to plant the seeds of stories and then use them to grow larger tellings later.

I appreciate how you used the prompts in interesting and creative ways *Smile* There's nothing I can say but bravo. Well done.

Ken
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Review of Mind Control  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Mind Control"  [13+]. I thought I'd do a more formal review this evening LOL.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
"There's more than one way to skin a ... hamster" *Laugh*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Very nicely done - I quite enjoyed this tale of telekinesis and desperation. It was original and kept my attention through out.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of Leonard - a young man who was induced to volunteer for an experiment. How was he to know that the Professor was a nut case? You use the magician's ruse of diverting our attention in one direction then producing a wonderfully clever twist at the end. Excellent!

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Nary a comma out of place - great style and use of writer's conventions.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I don't which I like more - reading your imaginative tales or stepping back and trying to see how your mind works LOL. In either case, it's always entertaining. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi BScholl

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Working the System (2nd Place)"  [E]. I thought I'd do a more formal review this evening LOL.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Ahh - a tender tale of the bond between master and pet ... with a bit of blackmail thrown in *Laugh*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
An imaginative and entertaining write - and a wonderful encapsulation of human nature.

*NoteG* Content:
You write about Vince - a would be space explorer - and his attachment to his pet. I found it very believable that he would resort to blackmail to keep the bond intact. Nice use of descriptive language and great dialogue. Very well done.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Sold form and use of writing conventions. The only error I saw was in the next to last line where you wrote "I was not suppose to divulge it?" Grammatically, it should be supposed and really wasn't a question *Smile* I know - picky, picky, picky LOL but your technique is so solid that I had to resort to this level of detail to find anything to comment on. *Laugh*.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A really creative use of the prompts and a very entertaining read. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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Review of It's Time To Play  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi cheryl losch

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "It's Time To Play"  [E].

*CheckB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A very cute and gentle story - perfect for the young and young at heart *Smile*

*CheckR* Creativity/Impact:
It brought a warm smile to me. I happen to own both hamsters and mice as pets so I found this believable *Laugh*. I will admit, I was hoping the prompts would generate something a bit more "out of the box" but I can't fault you for going where they led. Very nicely done.

*CheckB* Content:
You tell of Charlie and Scat and thier adventure into the "real" world ... and the discovery they make *Smile*. I thought you did remarkably well - given the word limits - in building the story and leading us to the ending (no pun intended LOL).

*CheckV* Technical Notes:
For the most part, your form was excellent and followed story conventions. I did notice that at the 3rd from the last paragraph you wrote "Lot’s of good food here..." There's no apostrophe needed in lots *Smile* but other than that - really well written.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* I found this very likeable and quite enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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