\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/huntersmoon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/26
Review Requests: OFF
3,125 Public Reviews Given
3,266 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
I'm good at...
Short Stories and better at Poetry
Favorite Genres
All
Public Reviews
Previous ... 22 23 24 25 -26- 27 28 29 30 31 ... Next
626
626
Review of I Like Spiders  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Now that, Richard, is what I call poetry *Laugh* I love writing poems about the world we live in ... and ignore - not just syrupy love, (shudder) feigned broken hearts, or existential beings. Spiders, wolves, bats - not that's great stuff.

Wonderful rhyme and flow - you take us through the various spider phases and conclude with loving them at a distance *Laugh* I can see why this has gotten so many 5 *Star* reviews. Well, here's one more to add to your collection!

Excellent work.

Ken
627
627
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Brandy ...

Nicely done *Smile* Both a great "fractured fairy tale" and an indictment of the predictament so many find themselves in. I think you did it very well, although I think you - once again *Laugh* - are overly sensitive to what others might think of your writing. It is what it is - if someone chooses to misunderstand you, so be it. You write from the heart and that's enough.

Excellent work, excellent sentiments!

Ken
628
628
Review of Writing in Snow  Open in new Window.
for entry "Solar Day" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hiya PS *Smile*

What a lovely string that captures your love and reverence for God. I like the approach - following the creation pattern of the first day (or so it seemed to me *Smile*). That said, two items to consider: You start with sunset which, if my assumption about approach was correct, seemed that it should come last. Second - in verse 6, you write "independence joy" which kind of lost me. Did you mean "independent?"

Nicely done with perfect form and no errors.

Ken
629
629
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi E E Coder Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "One Summer Evening" Open in new Window. [18+] on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Excellent. Humor is one of the hardest genres to write to. You've captured the everyday humor that surrounds us in the totally delightful vignette. You and I share a sense of what constitutes humor *Laugh*

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
You've blended reality with just a hint of speculative fiction in a great combination. It's sure to make most readers chuckle both from the writing and from their own recollections *Smile*

*Music1* Content:
You write about the strange happenings at a small town. This is Mayberry, U.S.A. The town drunk makes a discovery that no one will accept ... until. *Laugh* You're build up was excellent, filled with the asides that help the reader suspend belief and accept the story as though it might have really happened. The touches of humor such as the haircut mishap, the spilled coffee, and the interactions with the drunk are like stairs that lead the reader to the final twist. 5 *Star* for plot and story telling!

*Music2* Technical Notes:
I saw no errors in word usage or form in general. The story rolled smoothly and kept my interest the whole way. There were a few minor technical errors in punctuation which did interfere with overall read. I provide them here for your information. I could see this as a part of a collection telling of "Tales from the Heartland." *Smile*

Paragraph 2: " the door crashed open, (semicolon) if the crash ..."
Paragraph 6: "Frank Harkins, our mayor and Billy’s dad, was trying to pull his wet trousers away from his tender parts, (period) The cup of hot coffee he had been holding now (lay) on the floor. "
Paragraph 9: "... was drunk ended, (no comma needed) as he fainted ..."
Paragraph 10: “Well, good Lord.” Mayor Harkins said, “Jerry, you better phone the sheriff, (period - new sentence)he needs to haul this idiot to jail. Billy, don’t just sit there with your mouth gaped open, we’re going home, (period - new sentence)I don’t think you need to pay Jerry for that haircut.”

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* A delightful read. I will be back to read more of your "Humor" flash fiction (and maybe steal an idea or two LOL). Thank you very much for sharing your talent and sense of the absurd with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
630
630
Review of The Trap  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A clever tale indeed *Laugh* Just a touch cliched at the opening but you saved it wonderfully with a great ending. Ah those widows - their bite is always deadly (and not just the "black" kind LOL) Well done. My only comment is on the rating - this is seriously not an 18+ story - in fact, I'd rate it "E" By having such a high rating, you're going to deprive a lot of would-be readers from having access to it.

Well done!

Ken
631
631
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sticktalker Author Icon ... errr, I mean Mr. Amlin, sir. *Laugh*

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Gunfight at the Paris Corral" Open in new Window. [E]on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy and Lab Rats around the world. (Anyone reading this - it's an inside joke - just ignore please *Smile*)

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a fun story and an easy read. I normally avoid reviewing long stories - primarily because so many require reams of writing to capture all the suggested improvements. Not so, grasshopper! *Laugh* This was so well written and constructed that all that was left for me to do was enjoy.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
This is story six in a series you've developed on life on the moon. It's written as sci-fi but with a humorus take - my two favorite genres. I really enjoyed the story and the exotic setting just made it that much more fun to read. It appears that this series of vignettes will tie together into the long awaited "first novel" and I think you've found a winning combination here.

*Music1* Content:
You tell (I assume the continuing) tale of Don, a free agent contractor, who finally lands a job at New Paris, a unique city on the mares of the Moon who's primary purpose seems to be entertainment. After an opening stage setting harangue about the French - all which I found utterly truthfull *Laugh* - you launch into the heart of the tale. Our hero is dragged into the middle of an argument between Pepe and Adolph (French and German and perhaps just a bit cliched LOL) regarding a soccer match. Don is volunteered to be the referee at a duel and is placed in a quandry: How to do his duty and yet how to keep them from killing each other. Your solution was both humerous and creative and well worth the read.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
Did I mention "This was so well written and constructed that all that was left for me to do was enjoy." Oh, yeah, guess I did *Smile* Well, after much effort on my part, I did manage to come up with a few nits - none of which detract from the read but I hope you will find helpful.

In paragraph 11 you wrote "...after negotiating a good price with Kaiser so (remove “so” – add comma) I hopped the next 'cat for New Paris.

In paragaph 18, you wrote "Jerries (actually, it's Gerries - slang for German} are not only bad-mannered and louts, they smell bad," said Pepe, one of the Frenchmen at my table.

In paragraph 21, you wrote "German pig, you have insulted France, Pepe and all Frenchmen. I challenged (change to present tense - challenge)you to a duel,"

In paragraph 39 you wrote "Yah." "Oui." ( "Ja" – Es ist deutsch!)

You really made me work to find anything to suggest! You are truely a master of your craft and it shows here.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* OK - so 5 *Star* is an indication of perfection and there were a few minor catches here. For a piece this long, this is perfection *Smile*. A good plot, excellent detail that sets an other worldly stage, and a clever solution to the problem faced all add up to a great read. Thanks, Lyle, for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
632
632
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jace *Smile*

Very nicely done and without controversial words (darn pesky syllables LOL) Forgive me, I just couldn't help but make a bad joke LOL

Seriously, this vignette from your youth is well played and fits the form nicely. I can just see the inadvertant tossing of flowers in the hopes that you were doing a service. I'm sure you were a sweetie at four *Laugh*

Well written - well done.

Ken

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **

I am a proud nominee for the "The Quills" Open in new Window.. Voting is currently underway to select the finalists, and I would like to invite you to visit "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. and vote for the most deserving pieces, whether or not one is my own.
633
633
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Brandy ...

OK - the good news: I love the feel and essence of this and, of course, your form and flow are flawless. This is a beautiful write about what I see is the heart of being human - the ability to dream and to translate those dreams into reality.

Where I got stuck (and this might just me *Smile*) is the question of the chicken and the egg. You write that the "dream becomes a promise" and then "the promise becomes a dream." I think I understand what you were going for; I think the word "dream" is used with two meanings. In the first - it's an expression of desire. In the second - it's a goal that you set for yourself. Is there another word (ambition, aspiration, design, desire come to mind) that would help clarify your intended meaning? (That assumes I've understood that meaning *Laugh*)

Overall - *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Halfstar* - due to my own failings as a reader. You made me think to much *Laugh*


Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **
634
634
Review of Well Worn Book  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi to.make.you.think. Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Well Worn Book" Open in new Window. [ASR].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Great title that fits the subject. Nice scene development - your words paint a vivid picture of this woman and her deep convictions.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I believe you've done well capturing the emotions and beliefs of the subject. There is a tenderness in your words that makes this a touching portrayal.

*NoteG* Content:
I chose this because it hadn't been reviewed before - but I typically run the other way when I see religious works *Laugh* I'm glad I didn't this time *Smile* Your "introduction" says this is "a religious old lady" but nowhere do you describe her or give us a clue as to who she is. Reading this, I could just as well imagine a young person or a middle aged woman. I only mention this because - as I've learned too often *Laugh* - we each have an image in our mind which the reader doesn't have access to. We, as poets, need to really look at what we've written to make sure it stands alone - or figure out how to do thought transfer *Laugh*.

You write of a person who daily reads her bible and finds both pain and comfort in the story. You make the point that it is the words that inspire and comfort, not the book itself that is the prize. You've done wonderful in capturing her feelings and filling the lines with emotion.

OK - I'll admit it - I really enjoyed it *Smile* - not for the subject necessarily - but for the gentle beauty you've captured.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Your chosen form is free-verse or vers libre for those who like to put on airs. *Laugh* The key to free-verse is to "keep a poetic feel" to the writing to separate it from prose. I felt this read more like prose than poetry although this still carried a poetic feel. The large dissimilarities between line lengths, however, don't allow for any cadence. Each line is a separate thought. I suspect you did this as a way to force the reader to pause. Mind you, this is your poem and I'm just giving you some ideas to think about - this is free-verse and there are no "rules."

To punctuate or not to – that is the question. *Smile* Actually, with free verse it’s optional but I suggest consistency is more important. It would, however, be helpful (especially for traditionalists like me *Smile*. Just as you use your words to guide the reader through your story images, punctuation helps the reader understand where to pause and where to stop especially if you’re going to capitalize the first letter of each line. I found myself having to go back a few times when I realized you’d switched thoughts. Again, just a suggestion *Smile*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I thought this was a beautiful write and I found myself watching this gentle scene with caring eyes. That speaks volumes for your talent. I had some hesitation over the form - it was a bit confusing and I feel that there was a piece missing. While I could "see" what was happening, I couldn't "see" who it was happening to.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
635
635
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi SWPoet Author Icon

It's me again *Smile* - Ken - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dream (Week 3-Poetic Expl)" Open in new Window. [E]as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
So that's what's going on! *Shock* Just teasing you a bit!

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Hmmm - I found this thought provoking and consciousness opening. You picked an interesting subject and gave me food for thought. Very creative.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of your journeys in sleep - to a place where all dwell and memories of your "first home" are accessible. Rather than metaphor, you present this as your reality. It challenges the reader to think, to remember, to feel. Nicely done.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Nothing to add but praise for a well constructed Etheree. The title is appropriate, the line to line transition smooth, and overall a well crafted poem.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* If you're looking for suggestions for improvement, you'll have to make a mistake *Laugh* This was entertaining and even a bit challenging to my own notions of dreams. A really strong and solid write with this form. Well done, Brandy!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **
636
636
Review of Oh Billy  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
LOL - a corpse, huh? A funny story. There are several technical errors in your technique but the story is solid and well done. Most of the technical stuff would be caught if you created your story off-line in MS Word or a similar word processing program. Once you're happy with it, just cut and paste into here *Smile*.

An example of what I mean is line 3: It should be "Sure, sure," I replied. Capitalization and punctuation count *Smile*.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today ...

Best of luck,

Ken
637
637
Review of Drake Uncharted  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Nina Powers Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Drake Uncharted" Open in new Window. [ASR] entered in the Daily Flash Fiction contest.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Clever and imaginative ... although as a parent of teenager - a little too close to home *Laugh*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Good build up of tension and nice twist at the end! An enjoyable read from start to finish.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of the adventures of Drake - a hero of our times - and his adventures in the near/distant future. Your descriptions are solid and build up the image of a desolate world where destruction and neglect have left our cities in ruins. You clearly lay out the challenge facing Drake and ... I'll not be the one to give away the ending *Laugh*. Suffice it to say, our hero will prevail ... eventually!

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Just a couple of minor writing notes - In the opening paragraph you write "Archaic temples, that had been created long before machines, sub-divisions and mini-malls,..." If I understand this correctly - they all were created before ... just move your descriptor to the end of the list *Smile*. You might also want to rethink "archaic" which typically is accepted as "out of date". It's not wrong - just awkward for the American reader.

In paragraph 2, you wrote "He pulled himself up unto the branch..." Unto means toward - onto means on top of *Smile*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* A fun read that I found creative and imaginative. I think you have time to make a few minor corrections before this ends - and I really think this has a great shot at winning. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

** Image ID #1695763 Unavailable **
638
638
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hiya "Hawk" *Smile*

I just dropped by to say Hi and offer congratulations on a very imaginative and creative tale. I love the premise and had to smile at the cleverness of this enjoyable read.

You may want to re-read line 6 of the conversation. You wrote "Always we have went together." I can't tell you exactly why but that just sounds wrong *Smile*. I'd recommend either dropping "have" or changing went to "gone."

Thanks for an enjoyable story!

Ken
639
639
Review of The Fall  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Charity Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Fall" Open in new Window. [13+] entered in the Daily Flash Fiction Contest.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Nice twist *Smile* You keep the reader guessing as to what's really going on.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Nice build up of tension. You use words that hint at a direction and then reverse where the reader's going when you add the context. A fun read and very dramatic for such a short piece.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of an unnamed character (think about personalizing this next time - it adds a human element to the story when we have a name) that's preparing to die - or so you make us believe. His thoughts and concerns are nicely developed, adding depth to the character. With giving the ending away, you bring us to the brink - anticipating what may happen next - the "snap" you let us see the larger picture of what's occuring. A good story line and continuous action make this an enjoyable read.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
While I give you 5 *Star* for creativity and orginality, I felt there were some technical issues with this that detracted from the tale. The writing conventions (which I learned the hard way *Laugh* say that internal thoughts are shown in italics - which you did. However, you missed the transitions in every place. For example: you wrote in your opening line "Every one leaves, no one stays forever. He reminded himself every time fear began to creep into his belly." At the end of thought, rather than a period - add a comma just like spoken words. It would then read: i}Every one leaves, no one stays forever, he reminded himself every each time fear began to creep into his belly." I think you'll find that the story will flow more naturally.

In the second paragraph, you misused "their" in place of "there".

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A nicely told tale of suspense. There are a few technical issues which are easily corrected before the contest ends. I think, with a little polish, this "jewel" will shine *Smile*. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

** Image ID #1695763 Unavailable **
640
640
Review of Writing in Snow  Open in new Window.
for entry "Urban Fantasy" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon

It's just me - Ken, again *Smile* - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Urban Fantasy" Open in new Window. both as a fellow poet and as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
I love the fanciful feel of this exploring the urban myths of our childhood. A joy to read!

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I found this wonderfully creative - from the dragons to the faeries. Each verse was a jewel and together they formed a necklace of memories from my youth. Thank you.

*NoteG* Content:
You write in vignettes of the various mythical creatures of our youth (not to imply they don't still visit LOL). Your well chosen words give us both a name and a sense of their power over our imagination. I really enjoyed both the poetry and the reminders.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Beautifully written, my only comment concerns your use of the the opening and closing word in each verse. Since you used the same word, this felt a bit "old school" to me - I orginally learned cinquains as the first line was a noun and the last a synonym for the opening line. There's nothing wrong with that approach - but I think you should be consistent. In verses 1, 2, and 4 you used the same word. In verses 3 and 5, you don't (although 5 could just be a typo). The form itself is masterfully handled. I should also mention that cinquains are ususally presented centered. I really haven't found that written anywhere but all the examples I've seen are shown centered. The inventor of the form, Alice Crapsey (no, I'm not kidding *Smile*) always wrote these centered since her background was Asian forms which are written that way.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* I ususally subscribe to a belief that content trumps form and I loved your write. That said, since this group is together specifically to explore the various forms, I've held back a perfect mark based on my belief about both the form presentation. Please don't take that as a criticism of what you wrote - this was truely an inspiring write. Thank you for sharing with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you continued poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **
641
641
Review of Life's Cycle  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi JACE Author Icon

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Life's Cycle" Open in new Window. [E] as a fellow poet and as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Talk about a short biography *Laugh* As always, I'm amazed at the variations on theme you come up with and the deft way you manage to say so much with so few words.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I think this is THE most difficult of the cinquain variations ... and you handled it very well. The facets of a life cascade down the poem until the final verse. Very creative and imaginative.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of the phases of a life - from birth to the present to finding peace with the inevitable future. A grand undertaking well done. My only hesistation with this is the final verse. Because you used key words in the other verses (i.e. Enthusiasm, Celebration) to set the tone of the individual cinquains, I felt that the final "assembled" cinquain felt a bit choppy and really didn't give me a sense of closure like each of the preceeding verses did. Maybe it's just me *Smile* - I am a bit thick headed sometimes.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Your chosen form - a Garland Cinquain - is the most challenging variation and I think you handled it brilliantly. Each verse was well thought out and well crafted, reflecting the careful hand of a true artist. Well done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* I found this creative, imaginative, and very enjoyable. You never cease to amaze me with your talent. Thank you for sharing this with me today!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **
642
642
Review of Byte Flight  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awww Jim. What a terrific tale. I suspect this was a bit longer in your first pass - there's so much hinted at but not defined. I want to read the book *Laugh* or - if you're feeling lazy - the novelette. Great concepts and a wonderful telling ... you're still No. 1 in my book.

Ken
643
643
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Clever, clever *Smile* A wickedly deceptive write with a wonderfully imaginative twist. Very enjoyable read and if I were predicting (which, of course, I'm not LOL) I'd say we have a winner.

The only hiccup I saw was mid-way through you wrote "someone like the Chinese or North Korea, ..." I think it should be either "China" if you want to designate a country or "Koreans" if you want to refer to the people. (Yes, I know ... picky, picky LOL)

Great job and a fun read!

Ken
644
644
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again, SWPoet Author Icon

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Thaw (Cinquain -week 2)" Open in new Window. [E] as a fellow travelr in the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Very emotional - a hard truth nicely told.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I must say, Brandy, that this is a very touching piece you've written. There is a wonderful simplistic truth in the words you've woven in developting the theme you've chosen. Very enlightening.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of heartache in the guise of winter. The imagery is as stark as the pain that you reflect as you draw a picture of the coldness of the season and compare it to what's in your heart. The final two words reflect a sense of acceptance and moving on which is both touching and even somewhat hopeful.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
The form and flow are perfect. Just as a thought (and it's a personal observation only) there's no requirement for punctuation but I think it would help in the reading. A cinquain is so short that it really doesn't affect the flow of this but in longer versons (chain, crown, or garland) it might add to the clarity.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A terrific write that really found its mark with this reader. I think many will find the truth and beauty in what your wrote. Well done - and thank you for sharing your talent and emotions with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **
645
645
Review of Island Time  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi JACE Author Icon

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know *Laugh*) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Island Time" Open in new Window. [E]as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
It's time you stop whining about how you're not a poet *Laugh*. This was brilliant!

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
A mirrored acrostic with an internal rhyme - that's about as creative (and challenging) as it comes.

*NoteG* Content:
You write about taking a break from the rat race and finding that time - a former master - has become a friend with a name: ISLAND TIME. Great use of vocabulary and clever rhymes (away/Calais) make this a joy to read..

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
OK as good as this is, it isn't without a few minor blemishes *Laugh* The meter in some of the lines made for a bit of a challenge to keep the flow going ... but they're hardly worth mentioning and pale in comparison of what you DID achieve.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* How could I rate this lower? This is a unique, creative, and thoroughly enjoyable read! Thank you (he said jealously LOL) for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **
646
646
Review of Writing in Snow  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Alien Encounters of the Artistic Kind" Open in new Window. as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Ohhh I love scifi and mysteries *Laugh* Great subject!

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
CROP CIRCLES - now, I have to admit - I've never read a poem about those before - but I was instantly drawn into this imaginative piece.

*NoteG* Content:
I really like subject and I love the approach you took in casting crop circles as alien art. Very imaginative. You set the stage by citing the many speculative sides to these mysteries and then end with your own beliefs. A very well done piece.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
The acrostic form - especially the variation you chose - is not always easy. I think you carried this off with great skill. As to the write itself - I saw only a few minor oversights.
Stanza 1 - The opening line cites "mysterious artist." You need to either pluralize it to artists or add an "a" in the sentence.
Stanza 2 - The second line states "circles are human create hoaxes." Should be "created hoaxes."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* Nicely done overall and a most enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today! I look forward to reading more of your work as we explore new forms together.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **
647
647
Review of Cultural Exchange  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Darn but you keep juxtaposing the mundane with imaginative settings and you keep me laughing.

Happy New Year, my friend ... and thank you for the entertainment and the chuckles.

Ken
648
648
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SWPoet Author Icon aka Brandy ...

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know *Laugh*) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Awakening (Mirrored Acrostic Wk 1)" Open in new Window. [E]as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a wonderful statement of belief! I was captivated by your ability to accept elements of mysticism and weave them into you life (or poem of life, anyway *Smile*).

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I found this very fresh and creative. I'm not an expert but I recognized certain aspects of Hinduism and an oblique reference to the akashic records in your writing. Of course, that's my interpretation based on my experiences but that's the beauty of poetry, isn't it ... no poem is complete until read *Laugh*.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of discovering the "ancient seeds" - elements of the god mind that contain all knowledge - within you. At best, we each have only a tenuous grasp on such findings and we often lose our way to them as we get caught up in our daily existence. This is a very strong statement of personal belief as well as an acknowledgement - as Shakespear so aptly wrote - "There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy." A fascinating read!

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Strong use of the form. Well done.

Two things I did notice - neither of which are major and I provide them only as food for thought. The first being that (in my view), an Acrostic is just a specialized variation on free-verse. The key to free-verse is to keep "a poetic feel" to the writing. This read a bit more like prose due to the long length of the lines and their variable length.

The second is the line(s) "Everywhere, there are beings like us who were never told that the newborn and the ancient seeds of wisdom ... " I felt that the focus of this was really on finding the eternal wisdom that resides in each so the concept of "newborn seeds" just struck me as in conflict with the rest of the write.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* An interesting and thought provoking write. Really well done - thank for sharing your insights and talent with me today! (and yes, I'm returning your GPs *Smile* - your talent was reward enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **
649
649
Review of Is This Thing On?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Robert Waltz Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Is This Thing On?" Open in new Window. [ASR] on behalf of the Paper Doll Gang's Gifting Station.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
I can't believe no one's discovered this little gem - or at least paused long enough to comment on it! *Laugh* Having written a few lyrics, I know how diffcult it is. Glad I discovered it. *Smile*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I really liked the opening - it seemed to direct me in one direction only to be pulled in another *Smile*. Like most, I kept trying to fit a tune to it as I read. Nice touch having your friend record it - it really brought the lyrics into focus. *Thumbsup*

*NoteG* Content:
This is a love song - one of doubts and the open questions that unsurity brings. The opening calls out "something sinister in the crowd" which is revealed to be the doubts that the singer feels. Your "teaser" line refers to karaoke which I thought was nicely played against "an empty band." I'm not sure that without that direction, I would have picked on it though.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
I think the techniques you used were very strong but I felt that the refrain was too heavily relied upon to carry the story. Personal opinion only - I think you could have added a chorus that would have clarified some of the ambiguity.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* A nice song that walked the line (no pun intended LOL) between pop and country. Overall, a very enjoyable read (and listen). Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1707100 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1626620 Unavailable **
650
650
Review of Silent Seduction  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi αΊ‚eΞ²ΰΏšαΊ‚α»‰tcΔ₯ Author Icon

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Silent Seduction" Open in new Window. [13+] on behalf of the Paper Doll Gang's Gifting Station.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Well, there's no doubt about what's on your mind LOL. *Blush*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
A very sensual write and one, as a member of the opposite sex, I found both enlightening and erotic. I like the oblique way you approached this - reflecting more on your own feelings as they appear and course through you. Nicely done.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of your experience finding your husband in a hot tub - and, after reading this poem - I now understand why they call it a "hot" tub. *Laugh* This is certainly a glimpse into the sensual side of you where the moments of realization and feeling come together "mid-blush" and you realize your depth of feeling for him on both an emotional and physical level. I understand the 18+ rating - but this is not an adult write - just a human one.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Nope - can't find a thing wrong with this *Laugh* A well written and well constructed poem reflecting the care of a talented writer.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Sensual and - yes - lovingly written! Thank you for allowing me to be a voyuer on your imaginative approach to this and for sharing you talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1707100 Unavailable **

** Image ID #1626620 Unavailable **
1,024 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 41 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/huntersmoon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/26