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BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Mutiny

There's a mutiny afoot.

"The Pirates of Dark Water" (Act 3)

Fanfiction-reimagini ng of the pilot of the original animated series.

Dreaming Temple

For someone who is gone this time, but is always in my heart.

Find Peace, He said

Oh, Magical Stonehenge, Hear Us!

READ A NEWBIE

Run

Auria finds herself figuring out her new powers while escaping from danger.

Politics

I am in french class right now. In germany. My brain is a language mess.

Alfaz Jo khamoshi samjh na sake

“Yeh nazm un jazbaat par hai jo hum kehna to chahte hain, magar keh nahi paate. .”

The Woman of Evermore City

Thy story is based on the queens of England and their stories of Revenge. Also ficton

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Mutiny

There's a mutiny afoot.

Handled Stik

My handles and their little stories...

Find Peace, He said

Oh, Magical Stonehenge, Hear Us!

Waiting Patiently

A bet with Death to answer 3 Riddles after a car accident. 68 lines, 552 words

Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/huntersmoon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/24

🌖 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,125 Public Reviews Given

3,266 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

Public Reviews

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576

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3616918

Review of Old Home

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Carl - Just dropping by to return the favor

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Old Home"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
A gentle homage to the memory of home.

Creativity/Impact:
I think we all can identify with this. Like your username, this is a familar spirit

. How often have we - in idle moments - not dreamt or imagined returning to the home of our youth? Still, as Thomas Wolf said - "you can't go home again" except in through the door of memory.

Content:
You write of returning home to a time of "before." Nice, gentle imagery recall your family and the warm setting of childhood. My only critical comment is ... MORE! You leave us hanging and, even under the commanding shade of the maple, it's not enough

Technical Notes:
Only minor errors noted. Just as a note, "maple" doesn't require capitalization. I noted that you made each line a sentence - but lines 3 and 4 of stanza 1 are really just one sentence (line 4 is a fragment). I'd recommend using enjambment and just let the sentence continue from one line to the next.

Nice solid rhymes and an even cadance make this a pleasure to read.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

More! (Hmmm, I'm repeating myself

) A lovely start down memory lane - please, continue the journey. A warm and happy read. Well done.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

577

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14 days may be credited.

#3615748

Review of Cast Down At Mercy's Feet

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Two-in-One Poetry Contest Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Summer Wind is Healing

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Cast Down At Mercy's Feet"

[18+] on behalf of the "Two-in-One Poetry Contest"

[13+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
I'm conflicted

I enjoyed your vision of suicide (albeit, from a literary perspective - not one who has ever contemplated it) but it runs at odds with my own views. That is the beauty of poetry - we each have our own inner visions and that allows us to challenge others, to find common ground, and to find fresh perspectives.

Creativity/Impact:
There was a staccato feel to this - short bursts of feelings - which clearly showed a panicked feel as the emotions overwhelmed the writer. Excellent approach that brought the feelings to the forefront of the words.

Content:
Almost vignette in feel, you present a series of thoughts/feelings/emotions that lead to suicide. I felt that your approach was effective but ultimately unsatisfying in that it was too brief. You didn't allow the reader beyond these brief flashes to understand what was driving the feelings. Since I'm assuming most readers will not have experienced them, it's difficult for many to "fill in the blanks" without some insight from the author. Think of it as taking us on a new trail but then leaving us without a guide

Technical Notes:
Well written and well crafted! Poets have explained that free verse, despite its freedom, is not free. Free Verse (or vers libre

) displays some elements of form. Most free verse continues to observe a convention of the poetic line - in other words, it should "feel like poetry" even without rhyme. I didn't get that from this write. Please, this is not criticism but my own feelings. You are the poet and, in the end, that's what matters.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

An interesting and worthy write. I appreciate your perspective of this ultimate yielding to the painful process of living.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

578

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3544537

Review of A Magic Lamp

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Liam

It's just me, Ken

, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Magic Lamp"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
I'm speechless (almost LOL). What a terrific sonnet! This, my friend, is perfect - not only in form and style but in message.

Creativity/Impact:
I must admit - the form is not the easiest but it's easy to overlook due to content. What a great message and your chosen form carries the reader through your powerful images almost without thinking. Excellent write.

Content:
"A lamp within the darkness of despair" - that's the heart of this wonderfully written poem and you have created a shining light with your images and flowing poetry.

Technical Notes:
I am one of life's "iambically challenged" but even I could see that you have mastered the meter in this. There's nothing I can suggest that be of help. A personal note: I'm not a big fan of centered poetry unless - as in a diamente - the form requires it. This would feel more Shakespearean left aligned - but certainly, you're the poet and centering doesn't distract from the flowing words or meaning.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

OK - I'm officially jealous

This is a wonderfully crafted and written Sonnet. Thank you very much for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. It's very much appreciated.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1707100 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

579

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3531158

Review of The Day to Ride the Winds

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Ducttape Knight

Nope, it's still me

and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Day to Ride the Winds"

[E]. This will complete the reviews for "Invalid Item"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Now this was a fun read - although, not having the background, I'm not sure what "boards" refers to. Obviously, that would help in understanding the what - but it's not needed for the who or the why! This was adventure, pure and simple, and a joy to read.

Creativity/Impact:
Such an adventure is creative in itself. Well developed, you've told the complete story and brought us along for the ride (no pun intended

) Excellent use of descriptors bring the reader right into the action.

Content:
You tell of "riding the wind" which I imagined to be something akin to parasailing. The joy and freedom is summed up in "Above the grass and watching people / I corkscrewed round the church's steeple / Banking to and fro, I loop-d-looped / I couldn't help myself, and loudly whooped!" Your ability to imbue the joy of the moment into words was powerful and emotionally satisfying. I could feel the wind and freedom as I sailed with you. Well done.

Technical Notes:
Other than a near rhyme or two (grins/winds)

I found this to be extremely well done. Smooth flow, good meter, solid rhymes - there's nothing to really point out. I did notice in line 2, verse 2 you need to make "years" possessive by adding an apostrophe but thats minor.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

While not flawless (who is?) the pure joy and adventure of this captures the reader and brings him along with you on this wonderful adventure. Great job. Thank you for sharing your talent and this adventure with me today!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Image ID #1695763 Unavailable **

580

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3531065

Review of D.R.A.G.O.N.S.

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Ducttape Knight

My name is Ken (still,

) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "D.R.A.G.O.N.S."

[E]. This is the second of three reviews on behalf of "Invalid Item"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Well done - you've incorporated both an Acrostic and Rhyme which I know is difficult. Very pleasing; I could see the Dragons swooping and playing in the skies.

Creativity/Impact:
A rhymed Acrostic is, in my book, very challenging and creative. The rhymes were perfect and didn't feel forced but flowed naturally as the poem unfolded. The distinctive use of color and bolding made the acrostic stand out. I've read many where I was totally unaware of what the poet had done. Good use of form.

Content:
You write of dragons in a non-specific way; that is, this is a narrative descriptive poem and not meant to tell a tale other than in praise of the beasties

. Good descriptors help the reader see your vision such as "golden scales gleaming" as they "dart across the winds." You paint a wonderful image with this.

Technical Notes:
I noted only a few minor issues: First, there's an issue with your spacing in the opening line - the "D" is left hanging by itself - simply remove the carriage return and it's fixed. I also noticed that in line 1 you refer to "they" (plural) so it would follow that in line 2 they should roar "challenges". A solid write, well crafted.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

Given the shortness of the base word "DRAGONS" I thought you did a terrific job bringing your vision of dragons to the reader. I'm a fan of dragons so I tend to be a bit critical when I read about them - but this was excellent. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Image ID #1695763 Unavailable **

581

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3531053

Review of Flight

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Ducttape Knight

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Flight"

[E]. This is the first of three on behalf of your winning bid at "Invalid Item"

First Impression/Thoughts:
A nicely told tale! I was at a bit of a loss until I got into this story and was able to define the context. Without access to the visual prompt, it's sometimes difficult to understand where you're starting from.

Creativity/Impact:
I thought you did a great job with laying out the tale using mostly dialogue. For poetry, that's a unique approach and I appreciate the difficulty of attempting that. Well done. The color coding helped keep the speakers distinct and flow moved along quite well.

Content:
You tell the tale of an adventurer (I'll make that assumption

) who begins a journey with his brother and has the misfortune of crossing paths with a coven of three witches. The tale unfolds as he recounts his attempt to escape them up to the point where he finds himself before a nobleman seeking temporary shelter. Over all, the poem focuses on the actions and the "actors" are left ambiguous. I thought there was good emotional depth in this - his feelings of weariness, his somewhat negative outlook on his chances

and his determination to continue. I would have liked an introductory stanza that perhaps would have provided a description of our "hero" but that's the beauty of poetry. Left to our own imagination, we each will supply our own hero.

Technical Notes:
Written in monorhyme quatrains (for the most part

), you kept this moving along with short lines and simple perfect rhymes. I saw nothing gramattical or structural to comment on, reflecting the care you gave when creating this.

Given the approach you took (dialogue), the meter was actually quite consistent although a few lines were noticeably long. Still, the overall read was quite good and the story strong enough to carry the reader through.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

Other than the ambiguity of the speakers and a contextual reference at the start, this was a very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. Good luck in the contest!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Image ID #1695763 Unavailable **

582

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3530616

Review of UNDER THE STARS

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Beautiful entry, Julie ... there's nothing to comment on that would improve this. You write with your heart and weave such classic emotions into your verses - I really stand in awe. I know that this is only part imagination and can feel the memories flowing in this just below the surface. May you always have those stars to remind you and to treasure.

Ken

583

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3525456

Review of NATURE'S BOUNTY

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An inspired write, my friend.

You've not only captured the beauty of the image but also included the subtle wonders of summer, nature, and the creator in "Colors captured by a painter's steady brush" in this touching write. I think you've bested me by far! A lovey and beautiful poem.

Ken

584

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3522275

Review of She writes in blue

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Moarzjasac

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Invalid Item"

. This review is courtesy of "The Talent Pond"

and its "Talent Pond's Water Lily Review Central"

First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a very melancholy write which I found thoughtful and well written. The feeling of a dreamlike state isn't lost in the telling but the ache for crossing to reality is unmistakeable.

Creativity/Impact:
I thought the imagery in this was wonderful. The seeking in dreams as "She touches/ with a single fingetip / and writes her story in ripples blue." was a beautiful metaphor and one that immediately was identifiable.

Plot/Content:
You write of a dream; whether conjured from your fantasy or a reflection of real life is left ambiguous and this opens up the interpretation to the readers own experiences as all good poetry does. It is both a poem of praise and of warning for experience has told you that such beauty is often sought by means that are false. You end by questioning how to tell the difference. My own reaction is that you lost a bit of focus as the poem progressed. Intitially, I felt this was more in praise of this woman and appreciation for the beauty she brought into your life. As the poem progressed, it became more of a warning and yet, without contact, who were you warning? Yourself or her?

Technique/Technical Notes:
You asked what separates poetry from prose. "You'll know it when you see it." comes to mind

. Generally, poetry is piece of literature written by a poet in meter or verse expressing various emotions which are expressed by the use of variety of techniques including metaphors, similes and onomatopoeia. The emphasis on the aesthetics of language and the use of techniques such as repetition, meter and rhyme are what are commonly used to distinguish poetry from prose. In this case, my view is that this is a poem written in free verse.

You've used all the elements of traditional poetry without rhyme.

I noted that you used punctuation which is great

. Just like traffic lights, they help direct the reader. My only caution is to be consistent. For example, in the next to final verse, you capitalized the second line (as in traditional poetry) which was inconsistent with the approach you took previously. It's a small matter but one you should be aware of. You also wrote in complete sentences (good

) but occasionally (as in the final verse) you truncated the sentence as "just an echo." and added a period where one wasn't needed. I would also recommend not having very long verses (as in verse 8), If you keep a consistency of verse length, it "feels" more poetic and less prose-like.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I found this beautifully haunting and really enjoyed the wonderful imagery you've created in this. I think you have a poet's eye for imagery and finding rich images to express your emotions. There are some techinical improvements you can make that will help the reader find the full beauty in this without the minor distractions that pull the eyes away. That, however, is a matter of refinement - the poetry remains regardless. Thank you for sharing your talent and vision with me today. I'm returning your GPs

There's no need for them; reading this was reward enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

585

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3516408

Review of Daddy

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Kiya ...

Saw this in today's Poetry Newsletter and had to take a peek

What a beautiful tribute to your Dad. I see this was written many years ago - I hope he's still here to inspire you although, no matter what, I'm sure he will continue to inspire. That's the way "stubborn mules" we have in our lives tend to be.

Thank you for sharing your inspiration with us all.

Ken

586

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14 days may be credited.

#3514843

Review of Georgia Clay

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Chandler

There's music in this

Great flow and movement inherent in the words you wrote. A few of the rhymes missed a bit (feet/free, pines/climes) but overall a fun poem to read. You should expand this into a lyric!

Thanks for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Ken

587

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3514839

Review of Silly little bird.

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Delirium

Not silly at all! I thought this was downright cute and very playful. I liked it!

The last line of verse 1 "the way you do so gay." just hit me as very awkward. Gayly is the adverb form of the word since I'm sure you weren't referring to the orientation of the bird

Thank you for sharing your talent and imaginatin with me today.

Ken

588

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3514825

Review of It has been Raining in my Dreams

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Chris

A nice wistful poem about love and it's often mystifying aspects - why someone loves and another doesn't.

Nice solid rhymes (one or two "near rhymes" angels/trammels

) but the overall flow read well. Good emotional depth and the effective use of the repetition.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Ken

589

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3513973

Review of WALK WITH ME BY THE WATER

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Simply beautiful! I love the line "We are given the gift of the moment. it was never to be simply mine." If I were the tearful type, this would have done it

. 5

all the way!

Ken

590

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3510574

Review of Earth, my safe haven

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi jaya

It's just me, Ken

, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Earth, my safe haven"

[E] on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge"

[ASR].

First Impression/Thoughts:
How beautiful! You transported be to the other sider of the globe with this enchanting vision seen through your eyes.

Creativity/Impact:
I found this totally original and captivating. Your descriptions of the Asian world are remarkable - just enough detail to entice the reader but not overdone to the point of obscuring the message.

Content:
You write to the encroachment of pollution, "from the slopes and on the glaciers of the tall Himalayas" to "the Coramandel coast along the length of
the Bay of Bengal." Your words paint an exotic picture of the splendors of this world and remind us of the beauty - oft unseen by many - that may be lost to us and to the future. What I liked most was that you presented this as a gentle but powerful warning without being "preachy." This read more as a lament, a poem, expressing grief, regret, or mourning. A wonderful write.

Technical Notes:
With a poet of your stature, I'm not going easy on you

. Written in free-verse, there are few rules other than a need to retain "a poetic feel." I really read this more as prose than poetry and, I'll be honest, I can't really tell you why. That said, it was beautiful to read. From a technicas standpoint, in the second verse you wrote "is not alas! spared ..." The exclamation point is the same as a period so really, for emphasis, just set off the word "alas" in commas.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Simply a joy to read! In spite of my hesitations, the beauty of this is deserving 5

. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you sunshine and blue skies,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

591

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3510026

Review of Do We Love Mother Earth... Enough?

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi mARi😭DiagnosedDepression

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Do We Love Mother Earth... Enough?"

[E] on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge"

[ASR].

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a labor

... of love. A great message in a unique format.

Creativity/Impact:
The use of an acrostic is certainly a creative approach; introducing a rhyme scheme adds diffculty but makes the poem flow smoothly and adds impact. Wonderfully done.

Content:
I really enjoyed your approach to this since it points out a serious flaw in our viewpoint. "Wake up today, with the sun shining brightly Everything’s the same, nothing changes for me." The changes we face are subtle, seen day to day, and this is an important point you make up front and reiterate at the end. You then tackle the second flaw in our collective consciousness - a fear to be seen as different. "I want to have the courage to stand my ground ..." Overall, you bring to light not only the issues but our own challenges in dealing with them. A wonderfully complete poem!

Technical Notes:
Okay

- you made a valiant effort in rhyming but missed a line or two especially when the lines were odd numbers. I would have liked it more if you had carried the rhyme throughout (but, I'm a rhymer by nature and practice). Since there's no requirement in this form for rhyme, I won't fault you for that. Beyond that, this poem showed a careful craftsmanship that I would expect of a poet of your stature. Excellent work.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I see why this was chosen as the winner in past years. It's a wonderful poem done in a wonderful form. Kudos and congratulations.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you sunshine and blue skies,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

592

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3505835

Review of Kunti

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi oscines

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Kunti"

[E] as a fellow Rising Star and on behalf of the "Random Thoughts and Cares"

[13+]

First Impression/Thoughts:
Love the message

- not so much the messenger (form)

... be patient, I'll explain below.

Creativity/Impact:
This is an intriguing poem. The concept/idea behind it is wonderfully simple but very worthy. I really enjoyed that you took the time to show the evolution from the opening thought "I was a girl / With a little secret trapped inside, / Begging to be let out. " to the inverse position. I think many will read this and go "Yeah - I've been there!" Great idea.

Plot/Content:
This is a well developed tale of the emotional side of us. How we begin holding things within and end up trapped by our actions. I really found the personification of time both creative and identifiable in the lines "Time did not suffocate my secret; Time did not snuff it out. She took it in her arms, Cradling, crooning, caressing it fondly. I found, however, that the poem felt a bit uneven. You move from the flowing verse on time to a verse on your "formless, formidable fury." While I appreciate the wonderful alliteration

, it left me scratching my head. When I got to " Icicles - Whose coldness clasp(s) my gaze." I couldn't relate it to all that went before and came after.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Written in free-verse with elements to concrete (or visual) poetry, I harkened back to my own attempts (and comments that I received). The key to free-verse - and what separates it from prose - is despite its freedom, must still display some elements of form. It must have a poetic "feel." I think that using traditional elements such as verses helps that, there's also a sense of flow that has to be kept. Your opening verse is a great example of that. As you transition from line to line, you feel an unfolding of the words that carry you along. When you moved into the realm of visual poetry (in which the typographical arrangement of words is as important in conveying the intended effect as the conventional elements of the poem, such as meaning of words) I couldn't make the connection. Why you chose one word over another to place in juxtaposition to the norm seemed random. You offset "Stronger, Sharper, Starker, Livid" in a manner that I interpreted as "scattered" which is not what you meant at all. Just as something to think about, capitalizing the first letter of each line is, to my mind, an obsolete practice that serves no purpose except to interrupt flow. I know many still do it but typically a captial letter is the start of a sentence. We instinctively pause when we see one. No

I'm not "free-verse" bashing. I've read brilliant works in this form. But, for each word you use and place, there should be a reason that's obvious (even if not understood) to the reader.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I think this is a wonderful story with layers of meaning and, in the end, that's the purpose of poetry - to open the eyes of the reader to the simple truths that we overlook each day. You did that! Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

593

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3502542

Review of Dewdrops

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Christina~Thanks StoryMaster

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dewdrops"

[E] on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"

[13+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
I was drawn to this both by the title and the fact that you recently changed this. I'm always curious

. I'm not sure that I saw this as a "tough moment in love" but rather as a case of a reluctant or fearful heart. I guess in that sense, it was tough on you.

Creativity/Impact:
Well, I must admit that your metaphorical talents were shining here. I found it refreshingly different that you used a water metaphor for your feelings and in your descriptions.

Content:
As you are an accomplished writer and poet, I don't need to tell you about the importance of titles. I never felt a connection between "Dewdrops" and what I read other than the many water-related words you used. You begin with "stars" and "mist" and then seemed to abandon those ideas. I thought the poem was well done but it almost seemed as if you changed focus after the first 3 lines. I did love the emotional content in this - and you're hesitancy (perhaps fear?) to fully commit was a central theme. There's much here to praise but some of it was just confusing to me. Maybe I'm just being thick

and if so, my apologies.

Technical Notes:
I saw absolutely nothing that I could offer a suggestion on. Your attention to the crafting of this was excellent!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Ratings are very subjective and I was torn trying to be fair and yet true to my own reaction. I think you've written a wonderfully emotional piece but some of what you were trying to express was overcome by my own confusion in parts. I thank you for sharing this glimpse into your feelings with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

594

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14 days may be credited.

#3500036

Review of Interstellar Yenta

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Joe 45

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Interstellar Yenta"

[13+]. This review is courtesy of "The Talent Pond"

and its "Talent Pond's Water Lily Review Central"

First Impression/Thoughts:
A wonderfully told tale! This was a fun read!

Creativity/Impact:
This one of those stories that I read and think "I wish I had thought of this!"

After reading this, I'm glad I didn't - I don't know that I could have done as well as you. Great premise, well told.

Plot/Content:
The title tells the high-level plot. That's always a good way to begin - make every word count. You build up the story in layers, each one pulling the reader further into this sci-fi tale of matchmaking in the future. Great details both involve the senses and make this setting real. You use descriptions deftly, not overpowering the story in minutae but giving us a clear sense of what's happening ... all the way to your twist (ed?

) ending. Just excellent!

Technique/Technical Notes:
The story, like Eight Gables, was flawless

but there were a few minor technical polishes I could recommend:

In paragraph 1 you wrote: "Alverta had seen every kind of creature pass through those doors, (remove comma) into the foyer of the best office on the top floor of the tallest scraper in Pan Angeles. Females and males from across the galaxy sought the services of the Hart Finder Agency, (remove comma) for the simple reason ..."

In paragraph 2 you wrote: "As the longtime executive secretary at Hart Finder, Alverta had seen them all come through, desperate for the perfect mate. Not all of them became clients, (remove comma) as Hart Finder had standards to uphold, prospect screening protocols, (and) minimum standards. Criminals, perverts, the clinically insane, or the simply bored were swiftly weeded out. Of the thousands who did become clients, many were handsome or pretty. Alverta’s long experience had taught her that good looks alone did not guarantee luck in love, (remove comma) and (comma) at times (comma) even became an obstacle."

In paragraph 13: ". At least, (not) until now."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

What an enjoyable read! I happen to love scifi and humor, especially when together and done well. I will be recommending this one! Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. (And, yes, I'm returning your GPs - reading this was reward enough.)

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

595

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3499628

Review of TABLE FOR ONE

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi Julie - COUNTRYMOM

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "TABLE FOR ONE"

[ASR] on behalf of "The Talent Pond"

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a beautiful story of constancy and faithfulness. Your words recall the days when such things were held in high regard and honor was more than a word.

Creativity/Impact:
Anyone who's been to war will appreciate the simple beauty of this. Each reader will enjoy "a table for one" set by you.

Plot/Content:
The tale of a wife waiting ... the tale of the unsung hero's of every conflict. You begin this up with a gentle scene, although it hides a mystery at first blush: A beautiful woman dining alone but without comment by those around her. In your beautiful words, you go on to solve the mystery with subtleness and surety. You have shown the honor of vows and the faithfulness of the heart. Well done.

Technique/Technical Notes:
This was written in four quatrains with an abcb rhyme. Your flow is perfect and the rhymes are solid. Technically, this shows the hand of a master craftsman (or person

). Not a comma out of place

. You might want to look at the last line of verse 2. You have "set" but my mind says "sit" I think both work. Maybe it's a potatoe/pototoe thing

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I understand why this is one of your favorites - it is now one of mine! Thank you for sharing your wonderful talent and this beautiful tale with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

596

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3499008

Review of Stranger at the Diner

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Ducttape Knight

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Stranger at the Diner"

[13+]. This review is courtesy of "The Talent Pond"

and its "Talent Pond's Water Lily Review Central"

First Impression/Thoughts:
A enjoyable read. I like the plot line and the subtle twists and turns you've woven into this fantasy/adventure.

Creativity/Impact:
A well thought out tale. The creativity aspect of it was diminished, for me, because of the familiarity of the character names. "Harry" - as a wizard - was too reminiscent of Harry Potter and "Morlocks" is right out of the Time Machine. I think the impact of this would be greatly enhanced if you created more distinct characters.

Plot/Content:
As I said, the plot itself was solid and enjoyable. The opening was good, setting the stage with a deft hand for Harry's unique abilities. I think you may have missed an opportunity with Cara's burgeoning abilities to show her unrecognized skills. I thought this was implied with the suddenly appearing apron but it was, perhaps, to subtle. You did a nice job of building the suspense with the arrival of the stranger. The inevitable confrontation between Harry and the Morlock was handled with aplomb. You have several really great descriptive phrases such as "cutting the words from the very air, and his tongue was the blade." Elements such as this really add vitality and imagery to your story. I loved the ending! Cleverly done and left me with a smile.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I noted several small errors and I'll email you a copy of the story with all my observations. Here are a few examples:

I notice that you have a tendency to start a lot of sentences with conjunctions. For example, in paragraph 2 ". And more than one of the ladies ..." By my count, you used "and" over 10 times

. It really doesn't add to meaning or impact of the sentences and could be removed without notice.

In paragraph 3 you wrote about the entance of the "man" and in the next sentence say "Cara looked and saw a man in a black suit." Rather than using man redundantly, add a different descriptor such as "saw a tall figure in a dark suit." This fills out his look and avoids the feeling of having just read it.

In paragraph 5, you wrote "Giving a shrug to no one in particular and putting it from her mind, she lifted the straps over her head and settled her apron over her white shirt with its thin blue stripes going up and down, and reached behind her back to tie it while heading back to the front." I'd recommend breaking down long sentences into smaller bites

Following that, you wrote: "So intent on tyeing tying the knot ..."

Paragraph 9: "something about this man made her sent goosebumps up her arms." Too many activites going on LOL.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A good tale, well told. For the most part, this was well done but it needs a bit of polishing to remove the minor mistakes that detract from the reading. You want the reader to focus on the story. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

597

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3498830

Review of Horses don't like Gummi Worms

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi KezP

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Horses don't like Gummi Worms"

[E]. This review is courtesy of "The Talent Pond"

and its "Talent Pond's Water Lily Review Central"

First Impression/Thoughts:
Awww. What a cute tale. I found this very charming and a fun read. I could see this happening and - yes - I did get a chuckle out of it. I think you captured the wondeful innocence of childhood here.

Creativity/Impact:
Having horses myself, I was immediately attracted to the title. Knowing they don't like gummi worms, I had to see how you found out

. I thought the story was very creative, capturing the wonderul creativity and imagination of youth.

Plot/Content:
This is a story about an encounter at a fair between a lady (who you never name) and a young man, Thomas. You did an excellent job in describing the precocious and fearless nature of 6+ year olds

. I think you captured his essence in your words: “It’s a secret though, so you have to promise not to tell anyone.” is the quintessential phrase of the young and you had my attention from then on. A very well told and constructed story.

Technique/Technical Notes:
Actually, this was very well written. I saw only a few minor items to comment on:

In paragraph 7 you wrote: “A couple of years ago when I was little – “, he puffed his chest out importantly." You need to add just a bit to make it complete sentence or tie it into the continuing dialogue. Additionally, "grownup" is one word

In paragraph 9 you wrote: "“Well, there’s this one black horse that Grandpa had then, he was called Rembrandt." This is two sentences althought adding a semicolon between "then" and "he" would work just as well.

That's it. Excellent craftsmanship.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very nicely told tale and a joy to read. There is a softness in the telling of this tale which is very comforting and reassuring. It's a great reminder of the wonderful times of childhood times. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

598

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3497923

Review of SONG OF IRELAND

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi Julie ..

You big softie, you!

I don't think I realized what a romantic you really were. This is a love song - about a place and about ... ? Fiction or not, it's a beautiful poem about Ireland and the hold it seems to have on many of us.

"I found love, loyalty and friendship that made my young heart sing," Your heart is still young, my friend ... keep singing

Ken

PS Congratulations on pulling in 3rd place - it should have been higher!

599

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3497376

Review of The Re-gifted Birthday Card

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Harry

-

My name is Ken and it's my pleasure to read and comment on your poem, "The Re-gifted Birthday Card"

[E], on behalf of "Invalid Item"

.

What a sweet and touching poem! I loved the message of this; it offers both originality and shows the love between sisters that only family can share. Excellent. There are a few structural elements (same rhymes - sister/sister; enjambment ususally is done within verses) but, in the end, they don't detract from the this warm and loving tale.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today - and for participating in this round.

All my best ...

Ken

Yes, I'm sending you back your GPs. No inducements needed with poetry this well done

600

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14 days may be credited.

#3497361

Review of Dreams of Flying

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi WizardofOwls

-

My name is Ken and it's my pleasure to read and comment on your poem, "Dreams of Flying"

[E], on behalf of "Invalid Item"

.

Well done

The monorhyme works really well and the subject is one of hope in the darkness. I would suggest considering using some punctuation just to help the reader along as he/she gets into the flow of this. There are natural break points which work well in this so I don't think your approach was affected in this poem. Just a thought

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today - and for participating in this round.

All my best ...

Ken

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