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3,120 Public Reviews Given
3,261 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
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Short Stories and better at Poetry
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601
601
Review of An Old Haunt  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Angela ...

Nicely told tale. One suggestion - no indented paragraphs. In business English, the indent is used to indicate a change of subject, time, or location. In story telling, this same effect is achieved by adding an extra space between paragraphs. Because some lines are short - especially when creating conversations, it makes lines look like they're "floating" on the page. I'd recommend not using indentations since it's duplicative of the spacing used.

I think you did well with this and it was an enjoyable read. Keep it going *Smile*

Ken
602
602
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Hayley I. (aka Kilpik)

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Marvin and the Cloud"  [E] as a fellow member of the class and on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Too cute *Laugh* This was a really fun, imaginative read.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
A talking cloud - now how much more creative can you get? *Smile* I really enjoyed this and found that it was an easy read. I think from an impact POV that you telegraphed the end a bit but for a younger audience, I think this was perfect.

*Music1* Content:
This is a tale with a moral - happiness cannot be forced, it must be found within. Your set up of the tale was very good with your opening scene of the happy people smiling under "the big cheery orb" ... except Marvin. The introduction of the (initially assumed robotic) Warning sets the stage for the darker side of Happyville. There's an Orwellian feel to the story as you take us deeper into this world you've created with neighbor reporting on neighbor and ultimately the introduction of the Cloud. One small weakness to the story is it was never clear what power the Exterminators would have over a cloud being but there is some implied intervention that's possible. Overall, I found the story complete, creative, and interesting.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
I did see a few places where you could clean up the telling a bit. I'm assuming - from you biography and some of the idioms used - that English is not your native tongue. Here are a few suggestions that will make the story flow a bit better starting with your use of indented paragraphs. In business English, the indent is used to indicate a change of subject, time, or location. In story telling, this same effect is achieved by adding an extra space between paragraphs. Because some lines are short - especially when creating conversations, it makes lines look like they're "floating" on the page. I'd recommend not using indentations since it's duplicative of the spacing used.

In the opening line you wrote "Everybody on the sidewalk looked happy except for Marvin." For is a preposition and doesn't add anything to the telling. I'd recommend removing it.

In paragraph 2: "Every step felt like a struggle." Felt like or was? Making the action direct will increase the reader's involvement in your story.

In paragraph 5: "...Warning said, after he had thrusted ..." This is very awkward sounding. I'd recommend a more descriptive word like pushed or shoved.

In paragraph 8: "...there was judgementalness ..." Unfortunately, there is no such word *Smile* I think judgement or accusation would satisfy the emotions you're going for.

In paragraph 9: "... he would near a ..." I think this is a simple typo of the word "need".

In paragraph 16: "... “You can be here! Shoo!”" I believe you meant "can't".

In paragraph 29: "“But can I come with you? Because I might be in a fair amount of trouble in a few minutes.” The second statement isn't a complete sentence. Just combine the two into a single statement such as "But, can I come with you because I might be in a fair amount of trouble in a few minutes?"

In paragraph 36: "... you like!” the cloud bursted, " Now, I'm a lover of puns (cloud burst LOL) so if you want to go that way, try "the cloud burst out. bursted is past tense and you're telling the story in present tense *Smile*

In paragraph 39: "Marvin felt the warm breeze in his air and watched as the landscaped zoomed past beneath his eyes." In the first part, Marvin doesn't have any air unless *Laugh*, well, I won't go there. Suffice it to say "in the air" works better. For the second part, just drop the "d" which will turn the word from a verb to the noun (landscape) you want.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A totally enjoyable tale which, I thought, was aimed at a relatively younger audience but nonetheless has a good lesson for us all. A little editing and this will shine as bright as your "big cheery orb." *Smile* Thank you for sharing your talent and rich imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
603
603
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dr M C Gupta

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "WINTER: a Malayan pantoum—winner"  [E] as fellow poet and in recognition of your mentorship of poetry through your continuing contest: "FIVE STAR POETRY CONTEST:editor's choice" 

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A new form (for me) *Smile* I'm always happy to discover new ways of expression. This is really a wonderful tale of winter, taking individual elements of this time of the year and stringing them together in a necklace of imagery.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
At first, as I researched the form, I thought the repetitive nature of the form would detract but as I read your poem I find that each new quatrain actually allows you to see new aspects of the lines and provides a consistency in message. I really liked that and thought it was very effective. *Thumbsup*

*NoteG* Content:
You write of winter's approach and while the imagery you've chosen is universal, there's a flavor of your origins in this. You take the "traditional" elements of this time of year - sweaters, huddling within, empty fields - and create a mosaic of elements that blend together into a larger picture of Winter. I think this is a case of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. Very enjoyable.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
You've cited this as a "Malysan" Pantoum and I will admit ignorance to how that may differ from the original form. From what I can tell, not much - other than you wrote this in tetrameter as opposed ot the more traditional pentameter. *Smile* I saw nothing to really comment on other than I noted that you used a "near" rhyme in your opening verse (corner/farmer) which carries to your closing verse as well. I thought this gave the first verse a prose-like feel when compared to the solid perfect rhymes you used in the remainder of the poem.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* Thank you for sharing this form with me *Smile* It is beautiful in its simplicity and presents the coming of a season in terms that all readers will identify with. I appreciate your talent and imagination and look forward to reading more of you.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1700154 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
604
604
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Julie ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

First impressions: What a gorgeous poem. You've captured the beauty of the mountains and shown the wonder of nature in your words. As you say, "gaze with the utmost awe" and that spirit is found in your words.

Now as to poem itself -

I think as a rhyming poem, you really couldn't have done better. You've chosen strong perfect rhymes and matched them with a wonderful flow to create near perfection. I won't waste your time or mine with a detailed discussion of all you did right *Laugh* and there's nothing I see to offer you in the way of improvements.

I truely enjoyed this and appreciate what you've done. Thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken
605
605
Review of Heartbeat  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Scandalous ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

First impressions: A bit unsusal *Smile* ... you've written classic quatrains but combined the lines into (more or less) rhyming couplets with an internal rhyme. Nothing wrong with that - just an observation. What it does do, however, is give the appearance of really long lines and the reader may miss the alternating rhyme (i.e. in the first two lines your rhymes are love/dove and eternity/city) This is primarily aesthetics but it can impact on the way your poem is read.

Now as to poem itself -

I think as a rhyming poem, you did an excellent write. My only suggestion would be in the area of repetitiion. You have several lines that repeat such as 5&6, 9&10, and 11&12. Repetition can be useful - in fact is a requirement in some forms such as the Villanelle - but the danger is that it starts soundling like you're repeating yourself.

Rhythm: Your rhymes and, in general, even metered counts kept a good beat. There were a few lines - most noteably the final - where you ran long and broke the flow. This is just a matter of gaining a feel for the flow. For example, the last line:
A moment in time when I fell in love - with you in a single beat." or "A moment in time when I fell in love - all in a single beat." I usually wait a day after I've written something and then go back and read it out loud. The ear can find what the eye misses *Laugh*

Rhyme: Typically, you set the rhyme scheme in the first verse - in this case ab/ab/. You maintained that consistently through out - much to your credit and my pleasure. With the exception of a"near rhymes" (safe/embrace) and not final rhyme in last couplet, you did an excellent job of finding perfect rhymes. Very good effort.

I enjoyed this and appreciate what you've done. Thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken
606
606
Review of I Tried  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Amanda ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

I found your entry to be a love poem and more *Smile* It's a statement of devotion and committment which, it seems, is rare these days. There was no hesitation - just a statement of feelings that wove artistry and emotion together in a beautiful form. Some of the metaphors you used have been used perhaps a bit too often so I felt this lacked a uniqueness in expression.

Now as to the poem itself -

Rhythm: Due to the slight variations in length of lines (from 6 to 9 syllables), the longer lines broke the rhythm that would carry me through your poem. This is less important in free verse but really affects rhymed poetry, especially when your "base" lines are 6 syllables. With longer bases, a syllable or two goes by unnoticed.

Rhyme: You set the rhyme scheme in the first verse with an alternating abcb rhyme. You used perfect rhymes through out and this really supported the readability of this.

I think you have a talent for weaving emotion into your poetry which really comes across well. I will read some of your others works because I like your style and I'd like to see how you fare when the subject isn't (perhaps) as close to your heart.

I thought this was an excellent entry and thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken

PS Yes, I'm returning your GPs - it wouldn't seem fair to accept them *Smile*
607
607
Review of Winter Night  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Arakun ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

First - What a sweet, gentle poem - almost a lullaby in its tone and flow. It calls to mind the kinds of things that I remember reading to my kids when they were young. Thank you ... for a wonderful poem and a warm memory *Smile*

Now as to poem itself -

Great rhyme, smooth meter and rhythm ... I can't fault any aspect of this You have created a wonderful example of your talent with this.

This was an excellent entry. Thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken
608
608
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi MC ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

First - BRAVO! I'm a fan of structured (form) poetry and my few attempts at a Ghazal have been less than memorable *Laugh*. This is obviously a form you have mastered. Wonderfully done.

Now as to poem itself -

From my understanding (and by your words) I have to question the rhyme "calls/tolls" used in the first couplet. While it is considered a syllabic rhyme, it is not the perfect rhymes that you use through out the rest of the poem. It may, in fact, be OK - if so, please pardon my ignorance, but if so, I'm not sure I would have italicized it like you did with the perfect rhymes. In couplet 7, you use the word "mauls" which I understand implies to handle or use roughly. I found this, in the context of usage in English, rather awkward - not incorrect, mind you - just one of those words that you stop at and therefore breaks up the flow.

I really like this form and think this was an excellent entry. Thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken
609
609
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sean ...

Thank you for your entry in The Tradional Poetry Contest. My name is Ken and I'm one of the judges.

First - I love poems that tell a story and this is no exception. I really like the tale you've constructed and the "hook" line. Great work.

Now as to poem itself -

I noticed a few places where it seemed that there were inconsistencies - such as first line, stanza 2: "Been a long so long time ago..." As written it didn't make sense unless you meant "Been alone ..?" One trick I use is after I've written something, the next day I read it out loud to myself and am always amazed at how often I catch simple mistakes *Laugh*

Rhythm: Due to the varying length of lines, it was difficult for me to find a rhythm that would carry me through your story. This is less important in free verse but really affects rhymed poetry.

Rhyme: You set the rhyme scheme in the first verse with an alternating abcb rhyme. Once you've done this, you should keep true to it. No, it's not a requirement but again, it helps carry the reader through the poem. What you don't want is for them to stop every verse and try and figure out where you're going.

I think you have a talent for telling a tale which is key. The rest is work and more work *Laugh*. Check out the Talent Pond for thier form poetry contest. I've found that writing forms has really helped me focus on meter, rhythm, and introduced to me other rhyme types.

Good entry and thanks for being part of this round.

All my best,

Ken
610
610
Review of PARKING MY HEART  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Julie *Smile*

Well, except for the missing dog and reference to a pick-up truck, I think you've got the bases covered *Laugh*

Seriously, this was a great song and I could hear the music behind the words.

The last line of stanza one is quite awkward when you say it (or sing it). Because the line is actually two separate sentences, there's a tendency to stop and start. Since you used "love" in the preceding line, you may want to drop that reference and go with something like "too many times I've lost trying to win!" or a variation on that.

In the chorus, I thought "out" instead of "in" made a bit more sense and in the third line (to smooth out the flow) how does "your roaming eyes keep seeking; " strike you? Again, it's a matter of smoothing out the flow.

Other than that - pure southern honey *Laugh* One of us needs to learn how to write music! We could be rich and famous *Laugh*

Ken
611
611
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Legerdemain

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Dragon Skin Coat"  [18+] as a fellow writer and on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
I really enjoyed this fantasy story - it held my attention and kept me reading. You set the premise quickly and then gave us enough detail to join the action (so to speak *Smile*). This is the work of an accomplished writer.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
I thought the plot, itself, was very creatively concieved. My only disappointment was that between the title and story development, you gave away too much at the beginning lessening the impact of the Jonathon's triumph. What came to mind was the old adage, "A wolf in sheep's clothing." Perhaps the seeds of an alternative title? *Smile*

*Music1* Content:
From a content consideration, here are a few strengths and suggestions that I hope - should you revisit this - may help you see your story from a reader's perspective. Often I find that I have some small part of a story in my head that never seems to make it to the page until someone asks "now where did this come from?" *Blush* It's then I remember that they don't have full access to my mind *Laugh*

Set in a classic framework, you write of a dragon that's wrecking havoce on a village and how, in the end, is vanquished. You set the story up quickly and directly - "The animal had been tormenting his village for the last seven years, coming out every few seasons to burn and destroy the meager huts the villagers managed to erect." I thought this was effective since you followed it up with related details of what that meant. I did enjoy the encounters and end of the saviour Knights *Smile* - OK, I enjoyed the touch of gore which all good dragon tales include. You established the dragon's bona fides with "The carnage lay in the square for days, vultures picking at the entrails ..." *Laugh*

I did find a logical weakness in the tale with the finding of the dragon skin and "examination of the skin for a weakness. A place a sword could get through to kill it. No such opening was discovered." Since the dragon is a reptile (assumed) shedding it's skin is logical. Shedding it in one piece that would allow examination for a fatal weakness ... not so much *Smile*.

My last suggestion is for the ending itself. No happily ever after? *Laugh* OK, not needed - but I'm not sure that his ruminations felt sufficiently real given your earlier development of this character. It just didn't track true with me.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
I found no grammatical or other technical errors. The story as well crafted, reflecting an excellent attention to the details of story telling. *Thumbsup*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* Overall, an enjoyable read. I'm sure you've gotten many comments about wanting this longer and while I'm not that familiar with the Writer's Cramp, I'm sure there are limits you had to work within - so I'll let you off the hook on that point *Laugh*. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
612
612
Review of ECHO OF FOOTSTEPS  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Julie (aka COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME )

It's just me, Ken *Smile* and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "ECHO OF FOOTSTEPS"  [ASR] as a fellow poet and on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a melancholy write! Sadness, loneliness, and a sense of resigned acceptance weave throughout this haunting work.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
It can't be just poets who feel this way but I guess they're the ones who have the skills to express it. I'm sure many will identify with some - if not all - of your emotions. The deserted feeling that I got from this was very visceral and certainly had an impact on my feelings. From that standpoint, well done - don't do it again *Smile*

*Music1* Content:
You write of your feelings in the middle of the night when sleep eludes and you are left with only your thoughts and memories. You’ve taken Stormy’s prompt words and woven then invisibly into your poem. You’ve managed some great imagery – “chains of the past” stands out for me because I think of them as such – and you’ve kept an easy cadence which keeps the flow moving nicely.

I did hesitate over one of your passages, however. Your reference to “oblivious to the smell of smoke” seemed to come out of nowhere. I’ll assume you either have a fireplace or you share “that most damnable” habit with me *Laugh* Still, it would help if you laid some groundwork for this so it doesn’t seem out of context.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
As always, I appreciate the care you show in your writing. Since you wrote this as free-verse, the general rules of punctuation and grammar are applied more liberally. *Laugh* That said, I did notice you have a period at the end of the first line which I’d bet you meant as a comma. Other than that, an excellently crafted poem.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* You do have a talent for showing – and sharing – your feelings and this is a wonderful (albeit sad) example of that. If your goal was to share your pain, then this was a very successful write. I don’t know anybody who could read this and not feel. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
613
613
Review of chalice  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Brandy -

Beautifully done. Great imagery and "brilliant chalice" provides a nice "aha" moment - a new perspective on what we're seeing. Now, don't quote me - but I think you're short a syllable in the final line. If so, consider "God's brilliant challice" or, if you're not or choose not to bring in religion, "Day's brilliant chalice"

I found this well done and rife with glowing imagery (OK - that's maybe a bit too "pun"-ish LOL)

Ken
614
614
Review of Bike Riding  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your short story "Bike Riding"  [ASR] on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Humor indeed! *Laugh* I probably shouldn't admit it but my bike - after its initial outing - is still sitting in my garage with the "nubbies" on the tires pointing accusingly at me every time I go out! This is a story I can relate to (of course, not the "fat" part - I'm only slightly rotund LOL).

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
Well, I will admit that I'm no stranger to tales of execise gone bad *Smile*; that said, this was uniquely your story and that kept me reading. I don't mind standing on the sidelines and laughing at other's discomfort *Laugh*

*Music1* Content:
You write (in the first person) of your adventures in returning to the transportation of your youth with more that a little humor as you rediscover why gave up bikes for cars in the first place *Laugh* Your self deprecating humor is a strong point in this, allowing the reader to not only let out a laugh but also to wince slightly as they identify with your discoveries. I'm sure many can relate whether the challenge was biking, skiing, or white water rafting *Laugh*. The overall time-based flow was very well concieved and kept my interest up throughout.

I did notice a few inconsistencies that you may want to resolve from a story standpoint starting with your opening. "BE CAREFUL ON THE ROADS OUT THERE!!" As I read the story, I kept expecting to read of your death defying feats due to drivers, other riders, or dogs with a taste for human flesh. What I got was more "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!!" *Laugh* Setting the reader's expectations is important - as is delivering. The second part is more subtle. You begin the story as a first person narrative - I did this, then this happened, etc. - telling your story. Then you switched from what was to what is. "Ok, let's pull into this cemetary ..." It was a subtle time and perspectvie shift but it was enough to stop me and ask when I was LOL. Keep a consistent perspective and your story will flow a bit smoother.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
I saw nothing grammatically or spelling-wise to comment on. You did a really good job.

Let's talk "indents" for a moment *Smile* Indentation of paragraphs is common practice and used to separate time, place, or change of subject in a write. In publishing, however, the additional line break (space) accomplishes the same thing. Some of your paragraphs are very short so they appear to "float" in space. I'd recommend left-aligning and using the extra space method since that's more common with story writing.

Punctuation is the bane of all writers. I noted a few places where a semicolon might have been more approprate than a comma just from a "breaking up a sentence" standpoint. Overall, there wasn't much I saw that I could suggest a better way to handle it. Punctuation is NOT my strong suit, however, and I'd bet an editor could retire on my writing alone *Laugh*. I mention it only to sensitize you to it. I find it's helpful to come back and reread after several days - you'll be amazed at what you'll find.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* This was a fun read and one that many will enjoy (with perhaps just a bit of discomfort as they see themselves LOL). I think you did well with the subject and story telling. A bit more practice (and like me, a few reviews to see some of the subtle touches that accomplished writers use) and I think you're going to find that many of the struggles we have starting out will soon disappear. Thank you for sharing your talent and humor with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
615
615
Review of I Like Spiders  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Now that, Richard, is what I call poetry *Laugh* I love writing poems about the world we live in ... and ignore - not just syrupy love, (shudder) feigned broken hearts, or existential beings. Spiders, wolves, bats - not that's great stuff.

Wonderful rhyme and flow - you take us through the various spider phases and conclude with loving them at a distance *Laugh* I can see why this has gotten so many 5 *Star* reviews. Well, here's one more to add to your collection!

Excellent work.

Ken
616
616
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Brandy ...

Nicely done *Smile* Both a great "fractured fairy tale" and an indictment of the predictament so many find themselves in. I think you did it very well, although I think you - once again *Laugh* - are overly sensitive to what others might think of your writing. It is what it is - if someone chooses to misunderstand you, so be it. You write from the heart and that's enough.

Excellent work, excellent sentiments!

Ken
617
617
Review of Writing in Snow  
for entry "Solar Day" 
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hiya PS *Smile*

What a lovely string that captures your love and reverence for God. I like the approach - following the creation pattern of the first day (or so it seemed to me *Smile*). That said, two items to consider: You start with sunset which, if my assumption about approach was correct, seemed that it should come last. Second - in verse 6, you write "independence joy" which kind of lost me. Did you mean "independent?"

Nicely done with perfect form and no errors.

Ken
618
618
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi E E Coder

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "One Summer Evening"  [18+] on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy.

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
Excellent. Humor is one of the hardest genres to write to. You've captured the everyday humor that surrounds us in the totally delightful vignette. You and I share a sense of what constitutes humor *Laugh*

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
You've blended reality with just a hint of speculative fiction in a great combination. It's sure to make most readers chuckle both from the writing and from their own recollections *Smile*

*Music1* Content:
You write about the strange happenings at a small town. This is Mayberry, U.S.A. The town drunk makes a discovery that no one will accept ... until. *Laugh* You're build up was excellent, filled with the asides that help the reader suspend belief and accept the story as though it might have really happened. The touches of humor such as the haircut mishap, the spilled coffee, and the interactions with the drunk are like stairs that lead the reader to the final twist. 5 *Star* for plot and story telling!

*Music2* Technical Notes:
I saw no errors in word usage or form in general. The story rolled smoothly and kept my interest the whole way. There were a few minor technical errors in punctuation which did interfere with overall read. I provide them here for your information. I could see this as a part of a collection telling of "Tales from the Heartland." *Smile*

Paragraph 2: " the door crashed open, (semicolon) if the crash ..."
Paragraph 6: "Frank Harkins, our mayor and Billy’s dad, was trying to pull his wet trousers away from his tender parts, (period) The cup of hot coffee he had been holding now (lay) on the floor. "
Paragraph 9: "... was drunk ended, (no comma needed) as he fainted ..."
Paragraph 10: “Well, good Lord.” Mayor Harkins said, “Jerry, you better phone the sheriff, (period - new sentence)he needs to haul this idiot to jail. Billy, don’t just sit there with your mouth gaped open, we’re going home, (period - new sentence)I don’t think you need to pay Jerry for that haircut.”

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* A delightful read. I will be back to read more of your "Humor" flash fiction (and maybe steal an idea or two LOL). Thank you very much for sharing your talent and sense of the absurd with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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619
Review of The Trap  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A clever tale indeed *Laugh* Just a touch cliched at the opening but you saved it wonderfully with a great ending. Ah those widows - their bite is always deadly (and not just the "black" kind LOL) Well done. My only comment is on the rating - this is seriously not an 18+ story - in fact, I'd rate it "E" By having such a high rating, you're going to deprive a lot of would-be readers from having access to it.

Well done!

Ken
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620
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sticktalker ... errr, I mean Mr. Amlin, sir. *Laugh*

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Gunfight at the Paris Corral"  [E]on behalf of the Rockin' Review Academy and Lab Rats around the world. (Anyone reading this - it's an inside joke - just ignore please *Smile*)

*Music1* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a fun story and an easy read. I normally avoid reviewing long stories - primarily because so many require reams of writing to capture all the suggested improvements. Not so, grasshopper! *Laugh* This was so well written and constructed that all that was left for me to do was enjoy.

*Music2* Creativity/Impact:
This is story six in a series you've developed on life on the moon. It's written as sci-fi but with a humorus take - my two favorite genres. I really enjoyed the story and the exotic setting just made it that much more fun to read. It appears that this series of vignettes will tie together into the long awaited "first novel" and I think you've found a winning combination here.

*Music1* Content:
You tell (I assume the continuing) tale of Don, a free agent contractor, who finally lands a job at New Paris, a unique city on the mares of the Moon who's primary purpose seems to be entertainment. After an opening stage setting harangue about the French - all which I found utterly truthfull *Laugh* - you launch into the heart of the tale. Our hero is dragged into the middle of an argument between Pepe and Adolph (French and German and perhaps just a bit cliched LOL) regarding a soccer match. Don is volunteered to be the referee at a duel and is placed in a quandry: How to do his duty and yet how to keep them from killing each other. Your solution was both humerous and creative and well worth the read.

*Music2* Technical Notes:
Did I mention "This was so well written and constructed that all that was left for me to do was enjoy." Oh, yeah, guess I did *Smile* Well, after much effort on my part, I did manage to come up with a few nits - none of which detract from the read but I hope you will find helpful.

In paragraph 11 you wrote "...after negotiating a good price with Kaiser so (remove “so” – add comma) I hopped the next 'cat for New Paris.

In paragaph 18, you wrote "Jerries (actually, it's Gerries - slang for German} are not only bad-mannered and louts, they smell bad," said Pepe, one of the Frenchmen at my table.

In paragraph 21, you wrote "German pig, you have insulted France, Pepe and all Frenchmen. I challenged (change to present tense - challenge)you to a duel,"

In paragraph 39 you wrote "Yah." "Oui." ( "Ja" – Es ist deutsch!)

You really made me work to find anything to suggest! You are truely a master of your craft and it shows here.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* OK - so 5 *Star* is an indication of perfection and there were a few minor catches here. For a piece this long, this is perfection *Smile*. A good plot, excellent detail that sets an other worldly stage, and a clever solution to the problem faced all add up to a great read. Thanks, Lyle, for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1739575 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
621
621
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jace *Smile*

Very nicely done and without controversial words (darn pesky syllables LOL) Forgive me, I just couldn't help but make a bad joke LOL

Seriously, this vignette from your youth is well played and fits the form nicely. I can just see the inadvertant tossing of flowers in the hopes that you were doing a service. I'm sure you were a sweetie at four *Laugh*

Well written - well done.

Ken

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **

I am a proud nominee for the "The Quills" . Voting is currently underway to select the finalists, and I would like to invite you to visit "Invalid Item"  and vote for the most deserving pieces, whether or not one is my own.
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622
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Brandy ...

OK - the good news: I love the feel and essence of this and, of course, your form and flow are flawless. This is a beautiful write about what I see is the heart of being human - the ability to dream and to translate those dreams into reality.

Where I got stuck (and this might just me *Smile*) is the question of the chicken and the egg. You write that the "dream becomes a promise" and then "the promise becomes a dream." I think I understand what you were going for; I think the word "dream" is used with two meanings. In the first - it's an expression of desire. In the second - it's a goal that you set for yourself. Is there another word (ambition, aspiration, design, desire come to mind) that would help clarify your intended meaning? (That assumes I've understood that meaning *Laugh*)

Overall - *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Halfstar* - due to my own failings as a reader. You made me think to much *Laugh*


Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **
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Review of Well Worn Book  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi to.make.you.think.

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Well Worn Book"  [ASR].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Great title that fits the subject. Nice scene development - your words paint a vivid picture of this woman and her deep convictions.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I believe you've done well capturing the emotions and beliefs of the subject. There is a tenderness in your words that makes this a touching portrayal.

*NoteG* Content:
I chose this because it hadn't been reviewed before - but I typically run the other way when I see religious works *Laugh* I'm glad I didn't this time *Smile* Your "introduction" says this is "a religious old lady" but nowhere do you describe her or give us a clue as to who she is. Reading this, I could just as well imagine a young person or a middle aged woman. I only mention this because - as I've learned too often *Laugh* - we each have an image in our mind which the reader doesn't have access to. We, as poets, need to really look at what we've written to make sure it stands alone - or figure out how to do thought transfer *Laugh*.

You write of a person who daily reads her bible and finds both pain and comfort in the story. You make the point that it is the words that inspire and comfort, not the book itself that is the prize. You've done wonderful in capturing her feelings and filling the lines with emotion.

OK - I'll admit it - I really enjoyed it *Smile* - not for the subject necessarily - but for the gentle beauty you've captured.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Your chosen form is free-verse or vers libre for those who like to put on airs. *Laugh* The key to free-verse is to "keep a poetic feel" to the writing to separate it from prose. I felt this read more like prose than poetry although this still carried a poetic feel. The large dissimilarities between line lengths, however, don't allow for any cadence. Each line is a separate thought. I suspect you did this as a way to force the reader to pause. Mind you, this is your poem and I'm just giving you some ideas to think about - this is free-verse and there are no "rules."

To punctuate or not to – that is the question. *Smile* Actually, with free verse it’s optional but I suggest consistency is more important. It would, however, be helpful (especially for traditionalists like me *Smile*. Just as you use your words to guide the reader through your story images, punctuation helps the reader understand where to pause and where to stop especially if you’re going to capitalize the first letter of each line. I found myself having to go back a few times when I realized you’d switched thoughts. Again, just a suggestion *Smile*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I thought this was a beautiful write and I found myself watching this gentle scene with caring eyes. That speaks volumes for your talent. I had some hesitation over the form - it was a bit confusing and I feel that there was a piece missing. While I could "see" what was happening, I couldn't "see" who it was happening to.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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624
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi SWPoet

It's me again *Smile* - Ken - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dream (Week 3-Poetic Expl)"  [E]as a member of the Poetic Explorations group.

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
So that's what's going on! *Shock* Just teasing you a bit!

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Hmmm - I found this thought provoking and consciousness opening. You picked an interesting subject and gave me food for thought. Very creative.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of your journeys in sleep - to a place where all dwell and memories of your "first home" are accessible. Rather than metaphor, you present this as your reality. It challenges the reader to think, to remember, to feel. Nicely done.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Nothing to add but praise for a well constructed Etheree. The title is appropriate, the line to line transition smooth, and overall a well crafted poem.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* If you're looking for suggestions for improvement, you'll have to make a mistake *Laugh* This was entertaining and even a bit challenging to my own notions of dreams. A really strong and solid write with this form. Well done, Brandy!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you poetic enlightenment,

Ken
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

** Image ID #1728100 Unavailable **
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625
Review of Oh Billy  
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
LOL - a corpse, huh? A funny story. There are several technical errors in your technique but the story is solid and well done. Most of the technical stuff would be caught if you created your story off-line in MS Word or a similar word processing program. Once you're happy with it, just cut and paste into here *Smile*.

An example of what I mean is line 3: It should be "Sure, sure," I replied. Capitalization and punctuation count *Smile*.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today ...

Best of luck,

Ken
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