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Review Requests: OFF
3,120 Public Reviews Given
3,261 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest but encouraging *Smile* I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
I'm good at...
Short Stories and better at Poetry
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Public Reviews
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701
701
Review of Story Telling  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another great tale and thoroughly enjoyable read. You do have quite the imagination and you always challenge me to reach beyond myself and see the world through your eyes. Excellent!

In paragraph 5, you write "Shannon hurried to the town hall, she was already late." Perhaps a semicolon? *Smile* I'm always so pleased to find anything to comment on besides your brilliance. Thank you for being human *Laugh*

Ken
702
702
Review of The Gig  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jim...

OK - you got me *Laugh* What a clever tale - superior in the telling, superior in the ending. I'm not sure why you bolded the center section - it was a bit distracting *Smile* but the story was compelling and I just rolled over that part.

You are the master of flash fiction - I bow to your envious abilities LOL.

Excellent tale -

Ken
703
703
Review of Priceless  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jim...

Sorry I've missed you recently - I so enjoy your imaginative tales - and this is no exception! It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Priceless"  [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Ahhh, the old steal the amulet and get trapped in the desert story *Laugh* Just teasing you! A nice, tightly written tale of choices.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I love the setting and even limited to 300 words, you manage to bring the spice of the desert into my imagination. You do have a genuine talent to putting 10 lbs of description into a 5 lb sack!

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of Faraday - a thief with a penchant for bad luck. His misadventure in thievery and its ultimate cost is well told in this tale. Great imagery populates your tale and the exotic landscape unfolds as we're pulled deeper into the story. I think, however, you needed another 100 words. The ending was a bit anticlimactic and did't quite close out the story...

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Nothing to note - but then, there seldom is *Laugh* Well written!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* I reall enjoyed this and can't wait for chapter 2 (*Pthb*) No - I'm not serious *Laugh* A nicely told tale. Your imagination and talent continue to shine untarnished. Thank you for continuing to share both.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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704
704
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Dr M C Gupta

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "O MY HERO, COME: ~Pi~ Form "  [ASR] as a judge for the February round of "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest"  [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
*Smile* I know a Ghazal when I hear one! OK - not in form but certainly in tone.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Nicely penned. You've kept the poetic feel in spite of the varied lines and awkward structure of the Pi form.

*NoteG* Content:
The tone is certainly one that has the undertones of pain of longing and the beauty of love in spite of that pain. It rings of ancient times yet, it opens to a modern interpretation with the references to "ventures to planets, stars" and the "Stellar Queen."

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Nothing to comment on *Smile* You've mastered the form and your writing is impeccable.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Well done with a difficult form. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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705
705
Review of Anonymous Hero  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jim -

I'll take your challenge *Laugh* but first...

What a terrific story! Individual acts of heroism, the audacity of those who understand their duty, all combine to make a "I can't stop reading" tale. You managed to transport me to this world and understand that bravery and futility can coexist.

I saw nothing to comment on; I can only offer praise for an exciting read!

Ken
706
706
Review of Third Eye  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You've got to love those 80 year old martriarchs. It's clear if you try to kill them, what happens *Laugh*

A wonderfully imaginative story straight from a mind as sharp as any in the Choy organization. Well written, well told, and well done!

Ken
707
707
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi AJ...

Nicely done. I really liked Ms. Carlton's character - having known a few of those old fiesty broads in my time *Laugh*

Content wise, a nicely told story of the trials and tribulations of the handicapped in the modern world. You've added enough detail to sketch a well-rounded picture of the central character in limited space. Nice action that kept the story flowing and me along with it. My only confusion came at the end with "at least she was going to the right place." It didn't seem to fit. I think the story could have dropped the last line and ended on the note of humor.

Technically, I saw nothing to comment on. Well crafted.

Thank you for sharing your imagination and talents with me today.

Ken
708
708
Review of Digital Sneeze  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done, Jim!

So, how did I read this? Aren't all technologies off line now? *Laugh* Just kidding you a bit. A nice twist on the "War of the Worlds" with us catching the cold. I really like the theme of this - it's just plausible enough to make me think. The tie in through the SETI program was pure brilliance or should I say "hyperionance?"

Well thought out, enough science to make it believable, enough fiction to fill in the missing pieces.

Excellent read!

Ken

PS - Yep, I'll take up the challenge *Laugh*
709
709
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi J White

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Angelique Louise-Kristabelle Mortimer "  [13+] on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A modern day fable *Smile* Nicely done - moral and all!

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I really like the tone and pacing of this. You carried us along with your characterizations and images, setting a solid foundation for the introduction of the prompt.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell the tale of the title character, her near non-existence, and how she found her moment of fame - and accepted it with grace and intelligence. A well told story that kept me reading. You built this story from the ground up - a nice achievement in so short a space. The ending was perfect *Laugh*. My only comment would be to have introduced Mrs. Smittee earlier in the story - perhaps as a teacher or the chip shop ower - much like you did Mikey, Shaun, and Larissa so the final lines would have had context.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
A few minor mistakes - certainly nothing that detracts from this fun tale and not worth mentioning.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A well told story in a fable style that I'm sure many will enjoy. You mixed the challenges of childhood with a pinch of humor and created a heart-warming story of finding one's self. Thank you for sharing your rich imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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710
710
Review of Red Door Road  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jay Bradley

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Red Door Road"  [E] on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
An interesting fantasy - although it's a bit undefined, it read well. I found myself adding my own meanings to it to help place it in context making if feel interactive.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I really enjoyed the mystery of this and that kept me reading. Nice imagery in your phrasing.

*NoteG* Content:
You describe a mysterious door that the central character (undefined) passed each day. His fascination and love/hate relationship with what it stood for provides the conflict that builds suspense. The span of the tale seems to be a lifetime and, in the end, the central character finds the determination to go beyond what is seen into the unknown. From a story perspective, you left a lot to the reader. He seemed to know what the door was but we never find out. He had both a fascination and a fear of the door and again, we never fully understand that. Even the conclusion was left without closure for the reader.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Actually, I think for story this long, you did really well. A few minor notes: In the opening line you write "...me thinks that door doth mocked me." Tense issue: should read "mock." In paragrah 2 you write "..Just then, a withering, old man "... I think you meant "withered" unless you meant he was dessicating something *Smile*. In paragraph 3 you end it with "... take another route to reach the familiar fog." There really wasn't anything that explained what the fog was and why he was going to it. There were following references to it but - like fog I guess - it seemed to have just appeared and I found myself wondering about its signficance.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I think you've created a unique tale here based on the prompt. If you're like me, you probably saw this story in your mind (visually) and translated it to the page. Remember that the reader doesn't have access to all the nuances of your mind and so when you go back and read, try to see it from a reader's point of view and not the author's LOL. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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711
711
Review of Decision  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi MissingAnarchy

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Decision"  [13+] on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A really touching and powerful tale well told.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
You've taken one of many divisive subjects and treated it with respect and compassion. The story was excellent as was the telling - you kept the suspense all the way to end and my attention as well.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell to two friends - one needing to make a life altering decision and the other needing to be there - from loyalty, from love. You write from a truely human perspective - not allowing the "decision" to overwhelm the story nor to minimize the choices facing the central character. Well done!

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
If I had one comment to make, it would be that you tend to write in a passive voice which I think lessens the impact of your work (I know of what I speak - I do it all the time myself *Laugh*). For example, you write "Sarah, who was neither listening or responding, stared at the entrance ..." instead of "Sarah wasn't listening or responding. She stared, trance-like, at the entrance ..." I only point this out to make you aware of it.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A really well told tale, full of emotion and suspense. Thank you for sharing your imagination and obvious talent with me today. I'm returning your GPs - both because I'm judging this and it wouldn't be right to accept them and because I need no other inducements - your story was reward enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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712
712
Review of Survivor  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Melfiina

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Survivor"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A survior's tale to be sure but more than that - a message of hope for all those who currently are fighting this dread disease.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I appreciate that you took "a small slice" of the our subject's day which allowed you build up the picture of the morning. Nice imagery and phrasing.

*NoteG* Content:
You describe the "first day of the rest of her life" as a cancer survivor. You wrote this entirely as a narrative, never mentioning her name. This keeps the reader outside of the story. I think you could add impact by moving the reader into the story a bit by changing this from a character to a person. The other suggestion I would make is to add senses. This was primarily visual - what about the taste of the first day, the smell of the first day? Adding sense information also tends to help readers get into the story.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
A couple of minor considerations: I think there's a typo in the first line of paragraph 2 - "owned" instead of "owner." In paragraph 4 you write "The only sign of life were birds..." There's a conflict between singular "sign" and multiple "birds." I suggest changing it to "signs." Finally, in the last paragraph you write "mass of emotion" which needs to be "emotions" and in the last sentence "... letting it usher her in to her ..." should be "into" which indicates movement and typically answers the question "where."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A nicely told story of hope and the promises that tomorrow always holds. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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713
713
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dr M C Gupta

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "SWEET DREAMS: Archimedes Pi Form- winner"  [E] as part of "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest"  [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A beautiful telling of desire through classic usage of language and form.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Short but with a wonderful poetic feel that brings the reader into this world you've created.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of love and the slumbering maiden's desire to retreat into dreams where she can be closer to her lover. This is much deeper than the 24 words would lead the reader to believe. I love the imagery you've constructed with the simple phrase "my heart lost in his thoughts." This has multiple meanings and expands the emotional content of the lovely poem.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
In both form and technique, this was a flawless write. Well done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* The only fault I could find was that your talented write was too brief *Smile* You have a true feel for the flow and rhythm need for successful free verse and I would have liked to seen a bit more. Thank you for sharing both your talent and imagination with me.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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714
714
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Nicki_Mist

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Love Always Forgives"  [13+] as part of "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest"  [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Nicely done - you've captured a complete story from the image.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I like that you didn't go with the obvious - you dove into the "back story" and brought out the story within the image and not just the surface impressions.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of a couple who - like most of us *Smile* - had an argument. In anger, he leaves and she worries. You conclude with a happy ending. Simple language creates the images that you've woven into this tale of love and it's ability to forgive. I noted that in S1L5 that you used the word "weeped" which is not a word *Smile*... present tense would we "weep" - past tense would be "wept."

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Other than noted, I think you did well with an awkward form. I saw nothing else to comment on.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A well told tale using a difficult form. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. Well done.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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715
715
Review of Serene Beauty  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi aralls

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Serene Beauty"  [E] as part of "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest"  [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A beautiful poetic expression of love ...

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
A unique form and flowing verse combine to bring the reader into the image. Well done.

*NoteG* Content:
The poet sees his love asleep and expresses his feelings of love... nice imagery sets the scene and well chosen language illustrates his passion and emotions. An engaging read.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Both in form and technical content, this was perfect.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* There is a softness in your words that seem to capture the slumbering image and transports the reader into the moment. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. Very well done.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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716
716
Review of Channel Blocker  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken – aka 🌕 HuntersMoon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Channel Blocker"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Too funny, Jim. Your wonderful sense of the absurd shines in this! I so appreciate the ending ROFL

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Your creative descriptions are totally unique. "Disgruntled onion" is so perfect. I'm sure this is the winner for the day!

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of a family with at least one member who channels (no pun intended - OK, maybe it was LOL) whatever he sees on T.V. The humor shines as he recites a list of plans all engendered by various channels as his wife ticks off her cancellation plans. Too darn funny.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Ah haa! At last! Two issues to bring to your attention. You have two paragraphs that run together. You need to add a space. And - the piece de resistance - you mispelled "buy" in paragraph 6 - "I could by me some..." See what happens when you rush? *Laugh*

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* This is so brilliant that a typo doesn't diminish it in the least. This is a "must read" for anyone needing a laugh - and we all do these days. Thank you for the laugh - It's very much appreciated.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

Don’t forget to vote! "Invalid Item" 


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717
717
Review of Precious Cargo  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken – aka 🌕 HuntersMoon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Precious Cargo"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Another clever twist, finding ways to use the prompts in a (mostly) non-literal way.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I, for one, appreciate how you weave your stories to include the prompts without resorting to the mundane. A clever conceived tale that held my attention - not just for the story value but also to see how you'd work in cocoa *Laugh*

*NoteG* Content:
You tell the story of a future galactic space port and the "backward" humans with their "precious cargo." Seen through the eyes of the port master, Astra, you paint a wonderful picture of this distant time and introduce us to the variety of species that we may one day encounter. As ususal, your ending is both humorous and enlightening. A true "eye of the beholder" moment.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Do I even need to comment? *Laugh* One day I will find something - but not today.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* I never tire of your imaginative tales. Once again, my thanks for keeping me entertained and helping me see beyond the obvious.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

Don’t forget to vote! "Invalid Item" 


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718
718
Review of God's Snowball  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken – aka 🌕 HuntersMoon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "God's Snowball"  [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Brilliant as always... a great tale, well told. I loved the ending - perfect! In fact, it was "good to the last..." *Pthb*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
While mostly narrative (a pitfall of the 300 word limit) you managed to capture this reader's imagination and pulled me into the story.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of the near-end of the world - or at least the end of man's involvement with the world. One man see's the truth and prepares and leaves a legacy of hope.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Try as I might - I could find nothing to tease you about! This was a complete well written story in every sense of the word.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* How could I rate this less? *Smile* Wonderfully engaging and a teriffic read! Thank you for sharing your wonderful imagination and talent with me.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

Don’t forget to vote! "Invalid Item" 


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719
719
Review of Gazing  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi JACE

My name is Ken (you didn't think you'd escape, did you? *Laugh*) – aka 🌕 HuntersMoon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Gazing"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Finding peace on a cross-country ski trip. Nice strong imagery - from the exertion of skiing to finding a respite in the solitude of a moment's discovery.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
The rhymes of this form are very subtle and add the poetic feel to what otherwise would be viewed as vers libre. You tell a complete story with this that engages the reader and takes the common place from mundane to magic.

*NoteG* Content:
Great use of the senses. From the "pants, wet with sweat and caked with ice" to "breath hanging like clouds." You bring the reader into this poem as a participant - not just an observer. My only suggestion would be your final line - "our senses gazing." Since "gazing" is such a visual word, it struck me as a mixed metaphor when combined with "senses". What jumped into my mind was "in silence, praising." I have no idea why LOL. I understand the tie-in to your title and I have no suggestions. I think it could stand alone without being used in the poem itself.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Minor technical suggestions only - such as a comma needed at the end of line 1. You might want to also consider a semicolon at the end of line 1, stanza 4 since you have two complete sentences without a conjunction. Nothing I saw detracts in the least from the content and story you tell. A solid write and perfect form.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A difficult form, masterfully used to draw the reader into this moment of discovery. I thought the poem worked well. Thank you for sharing your imagination and your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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720
720
Review of Frozen Eden  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi aralls

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know LOL) – aka 🌕 HuntersMoon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Frozen Eden"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Bravo! What a wonderful write that find the peace and tranquility of the image and brings it off the page to the reader's senses.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Tough form *Laugh* deftly handled. The rhyme is subtle and this reads almost story like in form, carrying the reader down the beautiful path you've woven with your words.

*NoteG* Content:
You write (based on the prompt) of "a haven of nature" and it's wonderful aspects. Nothing arcane - simple words flow in the beautiful imagery to carry the reader to this place you've created.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
The form was perfect - difficult - but perfectly executed. The write was flawless in all aspects.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Well done! What a really terrific write with an unusal form. Thank you for sharing your imaginatin and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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721
721
Review of William Tell-ish  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Hyperiongate

Blah, blah, blah - you know the drill LOL. My name is Ken – aka 🌕 HuntersMoon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "William Tell-ish"  [13+].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A very witty and well told tale of school shenanigans... love your descriptions! You are the master of understatement! LOL

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
Great weaving of the prompts into a schoolyard tale of kids being kids. It was totally engaging.

*NoteG* Content:
Love how you write! You use the language of the kids to paint a great picture of this moment in time. From "gigantic breasts" on lunch ladies (ahhh, I remember her well LOL) to the fainting Eddie, you weave your magic into this wonderful short.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
Give me a break *Laugh* This is - as ususal - well concieved, well written, and especially well received!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* Another great tale from your imaginative mind. Thanks for sharing this bit of reality based whimsy with me today. Excellent!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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722
722
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Lew

My name is Ken – aka 🌕 HuntersMoon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Memories of a time that wasn’t bad"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A poem of lost love, of pain, of searching for release.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I thought you brought out true emotion in this write and made a really good attemp at using the English Sonnet form.

*NoteG* Content:
You write of losing love - through your own actions; of the pain it gives you, of your desire for release. Strong emotional images make this readily identifiable to most readers. I applaud your rhymes although I'm not sure "satiated" is the right word you were looking for - it actually means satisifed to the point of boredom.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
A Shakespearean, or English, sonnet consists of 14 lines, each line containing ten syllables and written in iambic pentameter, in which a pattern of an unemphasized syllable followed by an emphasized syllable is repeated five times. The rhyme scheme in a Shakespearean sonnet is a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g; the last two lines are a rhyming couplet. Since I am personally iambically challenged *Smile* I'll not comment on the rhythm. That said, the strict syllable count is a requirement and you range from 7 to 14 syllables in your lines. Only 4 lines meet the 10 syllable requirement. This gives your write a choppy feel - not the smooth rhthym that a sonnet requires. (Just as an aside, "sonnet" mean little song *Smile* which gives you an idea of how it should flow.)

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* Not a bad try for a first effort. I applaud your attempt - I know I've never been successful in writing an English sonnet so I can appreciate the difficulty. I certainly think you've capturd the emotional content you were looking for - but the form needs some additional work. Don't be discouraged - just keep trying and I'm sure your talent will prevail. Thank you for sharing this with me today...

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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723
723
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tadpole1

My name is Ken – aka 🌕 HuntersMoon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Dancer and the Mannequin"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A wicked tale of life imitating art... or vice versa *Laugh*

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I really liked the subtle twist of this tale... from pages of art to the reality of life. There is a darkness, more felt than seen, that you've woven into this short tale of the macabre.

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of a dancer who is consumed by her part and becomes the character she plays. In the forgotten attic of a store, her ability to be the character proves a saving grace but opens the tale up to more than just the 300 words used. Nicely done.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
From a technical viewpoint, the bervity of the story forced you to compress the tale. Those not familiar with the ballet Giselle will be unfamiliar with your character. This causes the reader to have to connect very disparate dots in order to fully understand the tale. I hope that you'll revisit this and add the backstory and additional details that will make this truely shine.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* A very dark and interesting tale. I felt it suffered a bit from the compressed format but I love the core story and hope that you'll follow up on it. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into the darker side of yourself and your talent with me today. I'm returning your GP's - reading this was payment enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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724
724
Review of Ben's  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Have a sunshiny day!

My name is Ken (you may vaguely recall LOL) – aka 🌕 HuntersMoon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Ben's"  [E].

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Very interesting and amusing. I like that you used a (mostly *Smile*) limerick form. Most people don't really appreciate the versatility of the form.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
I thought this was very clever - a simple trip to a restraunt -with a humorous twist at the end.

*NoteG* Content:
In both form and content, this light hearted look at a dinner gathering is very well done and engaging to the reader.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
In general, the limerick form was followed. My only recommendation would be that you try to keep the rhyming lines the same length within each stanza (i.e. abe should be the same count; cd should be the same count). This will help the flow a bit. As a practical example - your opening stanza is 8/9/5/4/9. Dropping "such" in line 2, and "more" in line 5 would smooth out the rhythm.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* and a *Halfstar* Well done. This was filled with a gentle humor (unlike most limericks LOL) and worked really well in this form. Thank you for sharing a smile and your wonderful talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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725
725
Review of Trail Of Smiles  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken (yeah, you know that already LOL) – aka 🌕 HuntersMoon - and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Trail Of Smiles"  [13+]. My apologies for taking so long to get this review done *Smile* - I'm just slow, I guess *Laugh* but I always keep my word!

*NoteB* First Impression/Thoughts:
What a terrific story! I love the futuristic setting but the everyday concerns, feelings, emotions... This is a wonderful character study and I think you've done yourself proud with this.

*NoteO* Creativity/Impact:
OK - not to get mushy *Laugh* but this is a borderline tearjerker. The relief at the end extends to the reader as well as Jacob. You write with a simple directness that touches the emotions. Outstanding story!

*NoteG* Content:
You tell of a future that is painted in dullness; a future that seems bleak and uncaring. And yet, you find the humanity in that distant time and allow the value of a smile to still be recognized for what it's worth - everything! Not that I would change a word, but I saw Jacob, at the conclusion to be at his end of the titled trail... I don't know if it would be worthwhile to see if you could wrap that into the story since the title is only mentioned once mid-story. Perhaps it's too obvious but it was just a thought.

*NoteR* Technical Notes:
As I've come to expect, Jim - this was a flawless write. I'm sure someone could nit-pick that comma could be used here or a word changed there but I'd hope you'd reject any such considerations. The flow of the story is keeps the reader moving and your crisp writing reflects the sparseness of this future world you've created. I see this as a perfect match of style and subject.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* What other superlatives can I share? I loved this tale. lt is a classic tale of the future with a hyperiongate twist of humanity. Thank you for sharing this tale and your impressive talent with me today. Of course, I'm returning your GPs. Reading this was sufficient reward *Smile*

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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