🌕 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

Hi Tiffany...

Thank you for bringing this wonderfully warm and humorous story to my attention. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Duct tape and I Love You!"

[ASR]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Where would we be without duct tape?

Creativity:
Warm, human, and lovingling told. You did a fantastic job with this story.

Content:
You tell the tale of a family wedding and how you saved the day with duct tape... You build up the characters nicely, you kept the story moving along, and you wrapped it up with humor and the love shared by sisters. A really nice tale well told.

Technical Notes:
Nada, nyet, nothing to point out. When you write this well, don't expect long reviews

Overall Rating:

A really cute story with a subtle moral

Life lessons for all to read and take to heart. Wonderfully complete and richley textured in a warm, loving way.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3073546

Review of Vessel

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Shen

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Vessel "

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Hmmmm

Sounds like a bit more than a friend.

Creativity:
Really nice soaring imagery makes this flow beautifully.

Content:
You speak of a friend who you wish to hear the truth from... a truth you hear paley reflected in his words. You are obviously enamored with him and hope that his feelings go beyond mere phrases. You write emotionally, with sweeping images like "a mirror within the black pools that flow through your veins." I don't see this as a darkness of spirit - more like the unknown. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
More prose than poetry, this still carried a poetic feel and cadence. I notice that you write a sentence per line. You should consider breaking some of the longer lines (it's called enjambment

). Let's take the first long sentence:
"Let it tell the world your reflecting views like a mirror
within the black pools that flow through your veins."
By breaking it after mirror, you let the reader pause... and think "how like a mirror?" then you answer the question. Just like your words create images, using this kind of forced pause allows you to guide the emotions of the reader.

Overall Rating:

You have a wonderful gift and a real talent. Thank you for sharing your vision with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

On behalf of “Good Deeds”
(Group ID 1562064)
If you found this review useful, please consider a donation to help newer members upgrade membership.
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#3071842

Review of The choices we never make

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Thomas Wicker

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The choices we never make"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A poem about choice – the ultimate power we each weild.

Creativity:
Very enjoyable… both an “aha” moment of recognition and a thought provoking poem.

Content:
You lay out your vision of choice and its power in life. The choices we make and those we don’t are contrasted as are the painful reminders of choices not made. Here’s where you and I diverge.

I believe that not to make a choice IS a choice.

Technical Notes:
Good rhymes (except the assonant rhyme at the end

) and the strength of your words help keep the flow moving. I’m not sure why you broke the pattern in “Your options are gone.
Damn, where’d they go?” which made the reader skip a line to find the rhyme. Same thing with the last line. Since you weren’t focused on meter (syllables per line) it shouldn’t have made a difference if these lines ran long. I’d make them single lines just for consistency.

Overall Rating:

Your writing is meant to both informand make one stop and think. I think you’ve achieved all your goals in this poem. You have a real talent that shines here. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3071836

Review of Paradigm Shift(s)

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi msw116

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Paradigm Shift(s)"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
LOL – a poem about “walking in someone else’s shoes!”

Creativity:
I quite enjoyed this… a thought provoking poem, filled with ironic humor.

Content:
You lay out your vision of children at different stages in your life and life experience. I love the transition as you grow… it’s filled with humor that’s unique to humans. You used a parallel structure in each stanza which was perfect for this write… allowing the reader to compare “apples to apples.” Really well thought out and written.

Technical Notes:
More prose than poetry in style and content, this still carried a poetic feel and cadence which is the key to free verse. Your structure and choice of form fit this write perfectly and you did an outstanding job of remaining consistent.

Overall Rating:

Your writing is meant to both inform, amuse, and make one stop and think. I think you’ve achieved all your goals in this poem. You have a real talent that shines here. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3071718

Review of Being Free

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Kaviyatri

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Being Free"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A poem of freedom and what that really means.

Creativity:
I quite enjoyed this… a thought provoking poem.

Content:
You lay out your vision of freedom from many perspectives… that of a child forced to carry a heavy burden, that of a working person, that of a prisoner – both in jail and imprisoned in their own bodies by disease. Your words flow nicely, your images are clear but not exaggerated… nicely done.

Technical Notes:
To punctuate or not to – that is the question.

Actually, with free verse it’s optional but I suggest consistency is more important. It would, however, be helpful. Just as you use your words to guide the reader through your evolution, punctuation helps the reader understand where to pause and where to stop especially if you’re going to capitalize the first letter of each line. I found myself having to go back a few times when I realized you’d switched thoughts. Just a suggestion

I’d also recommend NOT double-spacing the text. It tends to stretch out the read and you’re looking to make each point and then illuminate the next meaning.

Overall Rating:

Your writing is meant to make one stop and think. I think it works well as a poem. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3071713

Review of Unlucky Bunny, Smug Cat

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi DarkBunny

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Unlucky Bunny, Smug Cat"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A very cute story of what goes on when we’re not around… you can’t trust those animals

Creativity:
I quite enjoyed this… a wonderful tale told in rhyme.

Content:
As a story poem, I found this very endearing. You used simple words and descriptions designed to appeal to children but also a storyline that will appeal to adults. I thought your descriptions were good – from the disdain of the cat to the final humorous pun. Nice done.

Technical Notes:
Technically, I didn’t notice much. I think full quotes should be used for the dialogue instead of the half quotes. Some of the rhymes were real stretches LOL (houses/trousers) – also known as assonant rhymes but given the difficulty, it’s understood.

Overall Rating:

A cute and fun filled poem. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3071487

Review of Life of a guinea pig

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi C. S. Potts

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Life of a guinea pig"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A talking guinea pig

Creativity:
I quite enjoyed this… of course, having a pair has nothing to do with that

Content:
As a short story, I found this very cute. You used simple words and descriptions just like I’d imagine a guinea pig to use. I thought your descriptions were good – from their love of food to their trusting natures. Nice done.

Technical Notes:
Technically, this was had a lot of issues with misspelled words and punctuation. Too many to list here but I’ll send you an edited version by email. I typically write my work in a program like MS Word that has both a spell check and a grammar check. This lets me concentrate on my words and meaning and not have to be overly concerned with the technicalities.

Overall Rating:

A cute and fun filled poem. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3071478

Review of decide your love

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Kayla

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "decide your love"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A poem about choosing love.

Creativity:
Simple, direct, your thoughts, your words… very unique.

Content:
As a poem, this was thought provoking. I’m not sure it really conveyed your ideas… but then I’m not sure that love is necessarily a choice. Still, it was an easy read and enjoyable.

Technical Notes:
Technically, this was a very good write. Based on the aabb rhyme scheme, I suspect lines three and four are really supposed to by split. I’ve noticed when you write in some other program (i.e. MS Word) and then copy and paste into WDC, the conversion to HTML doesn’t always recognize spacing. Just as a matter of practice, I’d recommend after posting a poem or write, click on the link and reread it online. You can catch those little SNAFU’s before they go public

.

Overall Rating:

A thought provoking poem. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3071459

Review of Jia

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi aralls

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Jia"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a wonderful tribute to a friend!

Creativity:
Blank verse suits you.

Beautifully done and engrossing.

Content:
You write of friendship and flowers… each a treasure you’ve found in your life. As you say “God’s goodness, gifts, and grace shining…” Beautiful imagery, wonderful word choice, all combine in this creative poem.

Technical Notes:
Technically, this was a very good write. I saw no mistakes reflecting the caring and craftsmanship you give to your poems.

Overall Rating:

A wonderful tribute, a wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3071246

Review of Why Are You Scared?

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Madam_Stana

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Why Are You Scared?"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A sad, heart wrenching write.

Creativity:
These are your words and feelings which makes it unique.

Content:
You write of the fear you feel as you’re confronted both by memories of the past and present. You describe this in your words, common place feelings that take on a darkness as you sit facing the unknown. The fact that you know this person (or thought you did) makes this even more disturbing. If true, don’t stay. We all have the power to choose.

Technical Notes:
Technically, this was a very good write. A few minor mistakes in capitalization.

I typically write my work in a program like MS Word that has both a spell check and a grammar check. This lets me concentrate on my words and meaning and not have to be overly concerned with the technicalities.

Overall Rating:

This was a very disturbing write that should serve others well. I hope you write a sequel that shows the strength of the woman who found the courage to write this choosing to protect herself and her child. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3071237

Review of Spring

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Inspired...

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Spring"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A lovely poem about the coming of Spring.

Creativity:
Although the subject has been written about many times, these are your words and feelings which makes it unique.

Content:
Four quatrains in an aabb rhyme. You open with the coming of Spring and then describe the season in colors and rain-freshened air. Using more than just one sense is an excellent way to bring the reader into your images and let them feel along with you. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
To punctuate or not to – that is the question.

It would, however, be helpful. Just as you use your words to guide the reader through your images, punctuation helps the reader understand where to pause and where to stop especially if you’re going to capitalize the first letter of each line. I'd also recommend that you try and avoid overly long lines. When I read rhymed poetry, I always look for the cadence or meter to get me into the flow. When you add a comparatively long or short line, you make the reader stumble. For example in the last line you could replace Romeo and Juliet's (7 beats) with "a tragedy" and drop “yet” and your last two lines would have the same meter. Just a thought

Overall Rating:

This was a lovely poem. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3070648

Review of My Circus of insanity,passion & romance.

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Freakywolf

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "My Circus of insanity,passion & romance."

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Arrrrgh! Let me out of here

… just kidding.

Creativity:
I must admit, I found this quite interesting… it did capture my imagination and held me (no pun intended) through out the read.

Content:
A journey through a troubled mind

or a flight of fancy into the big top of the mind. It was a bit muddled in places, seeming to loop back on itself. Martha seemed a main character but she played a very ancillary role… disappointing a bit.

Technical Notes:
The way you wrote this - all pushed together – made it difficult to follow. I’d really recommend spreading it out a bit. You’ve a really good core story here and you want the reader to follow the twists of your mind, not get lost in the structure of your prose. There were several typos and spacing issues as well. I typically write my work in a program like MS Word that has both a spell check and a grammar check. This lets me concentrate on my words and meaning and not have to be overly concerned with the technicalities.

Overall Rating:

This was a clever approach to looking into the craziness of images that float in our minds. I think you have a talent for this but you need polish to really make this jewel shine. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3070642

Review of Four Haikus

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Mew

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Four Haikus"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A haiku trio

Creativity:
Three diverse but connected haikus… the soft touch of nature in each shines.

Content:
Haiku one was about winter. It flowed well but was not crisp in defining the “aha” moment. Haiku two was an observation about golden flowers. The turn was much better and you opened the reader’s eyes to a new view. Haiku three was autumnal in nature. The closing “painting the cold ground” was the strongest of the three.

Technical Notes:
Your form and word choice were perfect and your voice improved with each write. I was kind of disappointed that you didn’t add a fourth and make each a season which is where I thought you were heading.

Overall Rating:

This was a wonderfully nested series of haikus that reflected the beauty of nature that we so often overlook. I think your talent and skills shone in this trio. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3070635

Review of Guitar/lover

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi DragonFly

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Guitar/lover"

[18+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
The sensuality of music.

Creativity:
A beautiful description of the pleasure of… guitar playing

A very captivating perspective.

Content:
This poem describes the sensual relationship you have with your guitar. Nice suggestive images recall other times, other places where the feelings come alive. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
The use of a repetitive phrase is used to really bring home a point or to show it in a different light and add meaning. I think since so much of each stanza was dedicated to the repetitive refrain, you lost some of that impact.

Overall Rating:

This was a wonderfully sensual poem that reflected the passion of music. I think your talent and skills shone in this poem. Experience will give you more tools to expand your repertoire

. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3070592

Review of The Blooper

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi George R. Lasher

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Blooper"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
I laughed so hard I “pitched” my pants

- just kidding, couldn’t resist.

Creativity:
A really great tale of our flawed natures and the existence of God and Murphy.

Content:
This tale to your biggest on-air blooper and how the hand of fate saved you was totally engrossing and just too funny. You kept the story moving and add enough detail that the reader could have been sitting there looking over your shoulder. Really well written.

Technical Notes:
I really tried

. Couldn’t find a single error. Well crafted, displaying a masterful command of your tools of the trade.

Overall Rating:

This was a wonderfully warm and humorous story well deserving of the recognition. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3069838

Review of Spring Night's Dream

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Lou-Here By His Grace

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Spring Night's Dream"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Reminiscences on a late winter’s night.

Creativity:
Nothing fancy – just warm memories on a cold night. A lovely write that captures the imagination of the reader.

Content:
You tell the story of sitting on a winter’s night and remembering the gentle feelings of someone special – once perhaps a lover, now just a memory. A melancholy and soft write that captures that warm feeling.

Technical Notes:
Not a thing to point out. You show attention to detail in the finely crafted story. The only suggestion I would make is to smooth the meter a bit. Your lines vary between five and eight syllables which make the reader stumble a bit.

Overall Rating:

This was a lovely write and well deserving of the first place it won. Congratulations! Thank you for sharing this with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3069533

Review of Plugged In

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Edward James

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Plugged In"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Dark but with a touch of death row humor.

Creativity:
This is so dark it shines and draws the reader on.

Content:
Very powerful imagery (some of which I have no clue about

) that describes the downward spiral to a foregone end. That you willing ride this slide to hell is never really addressed… I guess that’s why they call it addiction. Overall, though, a powerful poem and a claxon crying out to others.

Technical Notes:
Not rhyme, not totally free verse, this still carried a true poetic feel and cadence. Some of the more obscure references were totally out of my realm of understanding so you’ll loose some readers just because of that. Since there’s a strong reference to drugs, I’d consider uping the rating to at least 13+ I’m relatively new here myself but I’m sure they have folks who’ll “remind you”. If you’re not sure of ratings, click on the rating block at the upper right corner of your write and it’ll take you to the explanations.

Overall Rating:

This was a interesting and thought provoking poem, well steeped in humor.

You have skills and talents which shine here. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3069524

Review of King Albacore the Arrogant

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Hyperiongate

Me again! It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "King Albacore the Arrogant"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Clever Wizen… Clever Jim

Creativity:
There’s a sense of humor interwoven this tale that keeps it moving and hold the reader’s attention.

Content:
Not quite the usual twist

but close enough. This is a well conceived and well written tale to brain triumphing over brawn… and the folly of the arrogant. You develop the characters and story well. The note – accidently left behind – was a clever ploy to make your point. Well done.

Technical Notes:
What can I say? As usual, this is well written both in form and technique. Bravo for your consistency Jim. One question - was the King of "Tuna-sian" ancestry by chance? (Oh... that almost hurt to say

)

Overall Rating:

This was a clever and thought provoking story, well steeping in your humor.

You have skills and talents which shine here. Thank you for sharing this with me. As usual, I'm sending your GPs back (LOL). Save them for those who don't know your wicked sense of humor and would read just for the pleasure of it.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3069512

Review of Tom

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Thomas Wicker

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tom"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Tom wonders “what if?”… or maybe “what now?”

Creativity:
There’s a sense of humor interwoven into the seriousness of this that keep this moving and hold the reader’s attention.

Content:
This is more prose than poetry but regardless, it flows well and keeps one’s attention. This seems to be you looking at the stages of your life and considering your evolution. As a rabbit, full of fear, as a dog, comfortable but constrained, and as a lion, dominant but unsatisfied. Enjoyable and thought provoking. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
To punctuate or not to – that is the question.

Actually, with free verse it’s optional but I suggest consistency is more important. It would, however, be helpful. Just as you use your words to guide the reader through your evolution, punctuation helps the reader understand where to pause and where to stop especially if you’re going to capitalize the first letter of each line. I found myself having to go back a few times when I realized you’d switched thoughts. Just a suggestion

Overall Rating:

This was a clever and thought provoking poem, touched with humor as you described your animal like behavior.

You have skills and talents which shine here. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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845

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#3069474

Review of Sandcastle Memories

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi bellieve

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Sandcastle Memories"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Your thoughts on the indelibility of memories.

Creativity:
Strong vocabulary and flowing images keep this moving and hold the reader’s attention.

Content:
You manage to keep that poetic feel to this. Your phrasing and words set up a cadence which makes this feel like poetry and that’s the key to free verse. I like your use of metaphor – the ocean and shore – as a reminder of how what has past is never really gone. It’s been used before but your presentation makes it fresh. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
To punctuate or not to – that is the question.

Actually, with free verse it’s optional but I suggest consistency is more important. In your second stanza, several of the lines need something – commas, periods. It breaks the flow when the reader has to stop and figure out if the thought continues on the next line or are we moving on. Third stanza line four: I think you meant “One” rather than Once. I also noticed (minor really) that you switched tenses. You speak of the past and then the final line is present. It might help to keep consistent with “We’ll always be one.”

Overall Rating:

This was beautiful poem, touched with melancholy as most memories are, and filled with hope. You have skills and talents which shine here. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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846

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14 days may be credited.

#3069457

Review of Short Essay

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi LadyLita

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Short Essay"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A silent message to ones heart’s desire.

Creativity:
Strong vocabulary and flowing images keep this moving and hold the reader’s attention.

Content:
While I think this is more prose than poetry, you do manage to keep that poetic feel to this. Your phrasing and words set up a cadence which makes this feel like poetry.

Technical Notes:
Your spelling, grammar – all support a well crafted story. Form wise, you wrote this much like a letter. I think adding some spacing, rather than clumping it all together would really help in the reading. If you originally had spacing but it didn't show - look at the bottom of the page in edit mode. There's a check box which says "Preserver spacing" that's often overlooked by new folks

. Checking it will keep your original spacing. You also didn't "rate" this. At the top of the page (in edit mode) you have two ratings - one for the lead in and one for content. When you don't select one, it restricts access to this to only those 18+. It's an easy fix

.

Overall Rating:

This was a note in a bottle - offering a wonderful glimpse into your heart and set among the waves. You have skills and talents which shine here. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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847

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14 days may be credited.

#3069418

Review of Under Celine

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi SeanFear

My name is Ken (still

) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Under Celine"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
The moon as a witness to passion.

Creativity:
I loved that incorporated Celine into this. It really adds a brightness to your words, drawing the reader into the larger world of the ancient moon and all the lovers she’s watched.

Content:
Your rhyme and flow is very nice… even it you started with an oblique rhyme (witness/hopeless)

. Your words draw the image of Celine watching the birth of love and passion, yet remaining aloof… just an observer. Really well done.

Technical Notes:
Nothing of note. Well crafted. Some of the lines are a bit “fuzzy” as to meaning as when you say “lifeless remained, and lifeless shall be so”… it felt as if there was something missing… so? and it ends. Forget the imagery and just read the poem out loud without your mental picture of the scene you’re describing. Listen to the words as an outsider and you’ll be able to catch any places where you need additional clarity.

Overall Rating:

This was a beautiful write and an enjoyable read. You have skills and talents which shine here. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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848

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14 days may be credited.

#3069400

Review of The End

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Zepp

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The End"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A sophisticated soliloquy on loneliness.

Creativity:
I quite enjoyed the complex rhyme scheme… you did an excellent job.

Content:
Your rhyme, encompassing both end and internal rhyme, was very clever and well done. Your use of imagery was solid, painting pictures with your words that communicate the push and pull of loneliness and love that resides in each of us..

Technical Notes:
Your spelling, grammar – all support a well crafted poem. Nothing noted. Form wise, your meter (i.e. syllable count per line) makes this read in a bumpy manner. I think, as you get more into the mechanics of writing, you’ll find that 8 – 10 is a “speaking” count – it’s about a breath’s worth

. There are several contests each month on this site and I encourage you to start writing in them. Several are “form” contests and that’s really helped me with understanding the finer points of poetry.

Overall Rating:

This was a sad poem but an enjoyable read. You have skills and talents which shine here. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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849

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14 days may be credited.

#3069241

Review of The Rose

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi melhelson

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Rose"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A heartbreaking tale of giving your child up

Creativity:
Your feelings, your words… that makes it unique.

Content:
You started with a nice rhyme and rhythm which seemed to breakdown as your emotions took over at the end. I can understand that

. You did a very good job of describing the emotions and feelings you went through as you placed your child up for adoption. The metaphor of planting her in new soil where she would thrive was very apropos.

Technical Notes:
Your spelling, grammar – all support a well crafted poem.

Overall Rating:

This was a sad but enjoyable poem. You have skills and talents which show here. Thank you for sharing this with me. I'm returning your autoaward GPs - reading this was payment enough.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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850

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14 days may be credited.

#3069238

Review of Hold On

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi twInx

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Hold On"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A broken heart and a plea

Creativity:
Your feelings, your words… that makes it unique.

Content:
Very nicely set up in quatrains, you started off with a great meter and strong rhyme. This collapsed a bit in fourth and fifth stanzas. You capture the confusion and heartbreak of love ending and weave the emotions into your words.

Technical Notes:
Your spelling, grammar – all support a well crafted poem. You did get a bit repetitive toward the end so I’d work on finding other words and expressions to translate your feelings onto the page.

Overall Rating:

This was a sad but enjoyable poem. You have skills and talents which show here. Work on finding your voice. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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