🌖 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌖 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,125 Public Reviews Given

3,266 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

951

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14 days may be credited.

#3016034

Review of A Rose

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi i8thepages

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Rose"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A poem of admiration... and perhaps more

Creativity:
Short, succinct, well written.

Content:
Short, succinct, well written.

I liked your imagery of "a graphic symbol of serenity" You draw a picture of a person who represents a calmness in the face of the turmoils of the world. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
Nothing to note... grammar, spelling, all perfect

Overall Rating:

I really enjoyed this... are far as it went. You've hinted at more than you've said and I think you need to develop this a bit. More is not always more but less is ALWAYS less

I'd love to see you investigate why you feel this way. Please let me know if you decide to revisit this. Thank you for sharing this and your vision of someone special.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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Signature created by our dear talented friend, Kelly1202

952

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14 days may be credited.

#3015522

Review of A Line Of Busy Ants

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Just an Ordinary Boo!

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Line Of Busy Ants"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A wonderful mixture of nature and words.

Creativity:
I'm a lover of form poetry... but not Dorsimbas (LOL). It feels a bit muddled. That said, I think you carried this off wonderfully. I really saw the little critters scurrying about through your poetic eyes

Content:
Each quatrain is beautiful in it's form. The sonnet quatrain is wonderful and perfect in form with strong rhymes and imagery. The vers libre was as advertised - quick, snappy, strong. The blank verse strong. Together, they feel juxtaposed although I know they're connected... It's my brain, not your writing

Technical Notes:
Perhaps, because it's late, I didn't pick up on the oxymoron. Who cares? LOL I totally enjoyed your imagery.

Overall Rating:

and a

This was a most enjoyable read. I loved your vision of the ants and your wonderful words painted the scene in a sparkling manner. Well done!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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953

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#3015224

Review of Where is the sun?

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi IdaLin

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Where is the sun?"

[ASR].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A brooding write of love lost and the darkness that ensues.

Creativity:
Form poetry is challenging to say the least... the Villanelle is one of the harder forms since the first stanza carves out the success of the entire poem. You've done this very well.

Content:
The villanelle, because of its repetitive nature, requires strong imagery to make the reader accept the repetition as just a normal part of the poem. I think you've successfully done that. Some of the phrasing is a bit awkward: Still I look, but must ask, where has gone the sun?" The "has" feels artificial, placed more for syllable count that for meaning. Still, I quite enjoyed the write as whole.

Technical Notes:
As noted, a few awkward phrases that didn't feel natural but for a writer (not calling you any names

) I think you've done really well with this form.

Overall Rating:

I applaud your effort. I quite enjoyed this and found the meaning in your words transcended any other considerations. That's what true poetry is. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and poetic vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3015204

Review of NO ROOM IN THE BATHROOM

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi D.L. Robinson

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "NO ROOM IN THE BATHROOM"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a fantastically funny tale (with such true undertones

Creativity:
I'm a big fan of humor poetry - which is a dying art - and this was just perfect and has renewed my faith.

Content:
You've obviously been married a while

I love how the civility is stripped bare and the true issues are identified (but I'd never have the cojones to actually try it at home. I love life too much!) "Tis not only your knees..." sets up the ending so perfectly. Your rhyme is superb, the flow smooth and the pace is perfect!

Technical Notes:
Not a thing to say! Excellent by all measures

Overall Rating:

This was just so much fun to read. Thanks for a wonderful chuckle and for sharing your amazing sense of humor with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3015026

Review of "MUMMY THE SKY IS FALLING"

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi tosca

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work ""MUMMY THE SKY IS FALLING""

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A mother's call for sanity in the continuing conflict between the Arabs and Israelis.

Creativity:
You've used vivid words to draw the reader into your poem and bring a human face to the inhumanity.

Content:
I think the heart of this poem is found in the lines "the life Of any child Is too high A price". We tend to overlook or deliberately ignore the impact of our ideals on real people. Perhaps the real issue is with our own ideals if they don't include an over riding concern for people and compassion. You've done a wonderful job representing this.

Technical Notes:
None noted. Well done

Overall Rating:

and a

Really well done on a subject that should concern us all. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your poetic vision... (I'm returning your GPs - no other incentive is needed other than the opportunity to read your words

)

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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{image:1379784

956

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#3014626

Review of Wish You Were here

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi ShiShad

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Wish You Were here"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A sad write about a graveside conversation.

Creativity:
I felt the honesty in your words and loss in heart. These are your feelings, your words... this is uniquely you.

Content:
I appreciate the directness of this... you speak directly to Chris and that gives your words an immediacy that pulls the reader into your world for a moment.

Technical Notes:
Nothing worth mentioning. I thought you did amazingly well.

Overall Rating:

and a

Thank you for sharing this intimate moment with me. You have my prayers and my admiration for your courage.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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957

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14 days may be credited.

#3014608

Review of Incredible Rush

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi SHEA

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Incredible Rush"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A pledge to "she who has not been met yet"

Creativity:
The rhyme and flow made this very easy to read; the subject made it interesting!

Content:
"I will give all I am, to prove she is true." captures the essence of meaning as I understood your poem. You speak of the future but I note this was written years ago. I hope that you've found her

From your writing, I suspect she's a lucky lady. I particularly liked the occasional internal rhymes you added. I think they really work to keep the poem going.

Technical Notes:
No errors were noted. The skip rhyme at the end was a surprise but not a bad one

. It makes the reader stop and refocus before moving on.

Overall Rating:

and a

I quite enjoyed this and will have to search out some of your more current work. Thank you for sharing these thoughts and your vision. Well done

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3014454

Review of Gypsy Stallion

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Noelle

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Gypsy Stallion"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
The power of the mind; the power of the word.

Creativity:
Being a horse lover, how can I find fault?

You keep the theme consistent and well channeled.

Content:
Your opening line "Imagination, more vast than the green field wide" is the heart of the poem for me. Poetry is imagination shared. You use strong imagery to weave your spell about writing very effectively and to good end. Nicely done!

Technical Notes:
I'm not sure why you billed this as "free verse"... you've only one broken rhyme at the closing and the reader will naturally take up the cadence and flow of your words. You might want to consider swapping the last two line... that way the rhyme is consistent but the poem ends on and open line. Just a thought

. Mechanics are perfect!

Overall Rating:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your vision. A very enjoyable read.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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959

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#3014270

Review of Verbal Abuse with Part 3

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Attila

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Verbal Abuse with Part 3"

[18+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Are you familiar with DaDa poetry?

Creativity:
I'll have to give you 5 stars for creativity... the insistent rhymes, the stream of consciousness writing, all works to create a jumble of fun.

Content:
Your flow of internal and external rhymes and near rhymes makes this fun to read... it's almost like a really long tongue twister (LOL). I must admit, Part 1 was clearly about your love of rhyme and in understanding, came appreciation. In Part 2, I'm not sure what the point was

. That didn't decrease my enjoyment - just my understanding.

Technical Notes:
Hmmm. A few little stumbles noted - S1L11 "who's" not whose. A few missing apostrophes but mostly little things that don't make a lot of difference. The point of this is pure fun and you've achieved that! I do, however, question why this is 18+ I failed to see anything that would keep younger readers away and I think they'd have fun with this.

Overall Rating:

This was surely a work of love - or obsession

. I thought it was wonderful to read and I look forward to seeing what you come up with for Part 3. Thank you for sharing this crazy poem and brightening up my day!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

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#3014173

Review of Macabre Dance

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Jewel Busy Busy Busy!

As I warned you

, it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Macabre Dance"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Not dark - pure ebony!

Creativity:
Certainly, you've painted a black picture - your words bring vivid imagery as your thoughts splash across the page.

Content:
The heart of the poem is found in Become one with the hatred, That is deep within you" and your images work to lead the reader to this understanding. The stain on your soul that hatred causes is the death hand and siren call of come dance And drink of your desires.". Very rich in imagery and emotion... You may have gone just a bit overboard with the imagery at the start, misleading the reader as to where this is going but overall, well done

Technical Notes:
Nope, nada, nyet... sorry, can't think of thing wrong (overlooking the non-use of punctuation, but that's my problem, not yours

)

Overall Rating:

and a

I don't know whether to thank you for sharing this dark vision with me or just run down to the men's room to wash but either way, a very enjoyable read... Remind me never to get on your bad side

.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

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#3014133

Review of Euphoria

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi GabriellaR45

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Euphoria"

[18+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A warm rainy morning

!

Creativity:
Vivid imagery brings the scene to life. Excellent word choice.

Content:
I'm a fan of short forms like haikus, cinquains, and other brief writes. It really forces you to choose your words for clarity and imagery. You've done this brilliantly with this short piece. Clay mornings" sets the scene of a moist gray day, the limited light filtering through heavy laden air... a wonderful image that tells me "crawl back under the covers!" which is just what you did

. Each word you've used builds a picture in the reader's mind and makes this a tiny jewel but one that shines.

Technical Notes:
Nothing to add... nada, nyet. When you write well, don't expect long reviews

My only comment would be that this touches on the subject of passion in such a tender and oblique way that it really doesn't need an 18+ rating. The beauty of this would serve a broader audience if you considered lowering the rating. I suspect that the higher rating had more to do with what you were thinking as you wrote this than the words that made it to the page!

Overall Rating:

What a beautiful poem full of warm images and subtle passion. Thank you for sharing your vision with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

962

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#3013830

Review of Destination

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Rider

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Destination"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A very uplifting write from such a dark prompt!

Creativity:
You totally took this in a different direction! Really good take.

Content:
I like how you started but it felt as if you started to be repetitious in the second shadorma. In short poems, you've got to be careful not to use the same words twice... they really stick out.

Technical Notes:
S1L1 - you don't need the apostrophe. S2L6 - misspelled "achieve"

Overall Rating:

A good solid write that, with a bit of polish, will shine to its full potential! Thank you for sharing this positive vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

963

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#3013762

Review of Calling

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Jimminycritic

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Calling"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Surprising! Short but wonderfully writtne.

Creativity:
You're take on this is totally orginal... I may have to steal this idea

Content:
You've painted such a melanchoy feeling with your words... I love the idea that, in the end, you know you're worthy of love.

Technical Notes:
None, nyet, nada... It's great!

Overall Rating:

and a

Too short! More, more! Seriously, this was really creative and really enjoyable... Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

964

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#3013728

Review of Not Insane

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Michelle

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Not Insane"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Pissing in the rain?

... Ohhhhhkay....

Creativity:
I thought this was brilliant!

Content:
Short, succinct, and full of laughter (not the crazy kind, either!)

Technical Notes:
I won't mention the oblique rhyme (shame/insane) because I know you did that on purpose

Overall Rating:

What a wonderful uplifting write! I had such a chuckle and truely enjoyed this. Thank you for sharing your "uniqueness" with me!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

965

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#3013683

Review of Being Nice and Richly Rewarded

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Tim Chiu

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Being Nice and Richly Rewarded"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Words of wisdom - from a parent to a child.

Creativity:
The subject is not new... but these are your feelings expressed in your words. That makes them unique. Some ot the imagery is very clever. I particularly liked Try to be Santa, instead of the elf! which I thought was a very unique way of making your point.

Content:
Nice imagery and good writing... Some of your points are powerful: Give extra kindness, not just forgiveness, some are cliched: "Be nice and practice what you preach". Nothing wrong with cliches but this one you've used twice and it begins to sound repetitive and distracts from your poem. Your form (end rhyme couplets) is very good but the meter of the lines tend to be choppy. I would recommend you read this out loud... listen to it and the rhythm or cadence of it. You'll see where the "stumbles" are and then you can decide if you want to rework it.

Technical Notes:
Consistency of message - no surprises - is what you're looking for. You start the second stanza talking about a "life of nightmares"... what nightmares? You can use this powerful imagery but you need to introduce it so that readers will understand what the context is. My life isn't a nightmare and probably most of the reader's lives aren't either. Maybe consider adding a line that uses similie - a life selfishly spent is like a nightmare. Some introduction like that would be very helpful.

Overall Rating:

I think you have a wonderful message here and all the parts of a great poem. It is just a bit rough but with a bit of polish, this will shine brilliantly! If you decide to rework it, please let me know... I'd love see where you go with this

. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and vision. I'm returning most of your points - that's way too many to give out for a review

... Heck, I enjoyed it so much I'd have read it anyway.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

966

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#3013222

Review of N.S

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Joel Swaby

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "N.S"

[18+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A strong statement of independence!

Creativity:
I like the flow of this... very quick and no frills. The read was quick and smooth.

Content:
Straight forward statements in a strong, powerful voice. Actually, this message could and should have a broader audience. Removing the word "fuck" (maybe use "screw") would allow this to be ASR and open it to more readers. In truth, generally the younger audience would identify with your emotions probably better

.

Technical Notes:
S3L2 - "nowt" is an ox - probably not what you meant

Title and last line: "serviam" - not sure what you meant and couldn't find the word anywhere. Did you mean "servient"?

Overall Rating:

A great declaration of independence and self reliance. I quite enjoyed the read. A lot of energy here... a few minor tweaks for clarity and I think you'll find this more widely viewed. Thanks for sharing your vision and thoughts. (I'm returning your GP's - I read for enjoyment. I don't need other incentives

)

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

967

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#3013184

Review of The Soul of an Isle

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi StephBee

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Soul of an Isle"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
As advertised

A wonderful recounting of the life and legend...

Creativity:
I really found the rhyme scheme interesting... it fit the piece and carried the reader into the stanza.

Content:
You seem to have covered all the ground

from your descriptions of Ireland to the cause that set him on his path to sainthood. Short, compact, but well done... In the 7th stanza, you mention "Maewyn to Patrick"... tracking his (believed) given name to his Saint's name... it might be helpful for those unfamiliar with the legend to add a note.

Technical Notes:
Last stanza, L3 - "woven"?

Overall Rating:

and a

An interesting, informative, and fun read! Thank you for sharing your imaginative verse with me...

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

968

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#3013176

Review of (Untitleable)

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi SlayMe

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "(Untitleable)"

[ASR].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A flowing recounting of a dream...

Creativity:
The words and images paint a wonderful picture, full of sad emotions. The repetitive refrain at the end draws the reader back to the central theme.

Content:
I like the feeling fo this... The flow is smooth, the prose descriptive. The subject is a bit ambiguous and I think you could be a little clearer in your concluding stanza... Is it love, is it acceptance? Pehaps just a better introduction? Passiveness wields no reward really doesn't seem to capture the main point of your write. Other than that, Nicely done!

Technical Notes:
L3 - I think you meant "ardency"... ardence isn't a word

Overall Rating:

This is a lovely poem. Thank you for sharing your vision with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

969

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#3010915

Review of Hidden Anger

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi C.D. Schultz

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Hidden Anger"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Makes me think of my own daughter

but without the restraint.

Creativity:
I like this! It's a good subject to write about. A lot of poetry is just that - sharing emotions.

Content:
You drew your images in plain speech which is really the best way. I was a bit confused... your anger was "between" but screaming, throwing, etc seems like you were very heavily weighted toward explosive

. I really like your image of a scratched heart... very illustrative and clear!

Technical Notes:
L10 "I'd"... other than that, well done!

Overall Rating:

and a

A nice poem about a universal problem... People! Can't live with them, can't live without them

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

970

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#3010709

Review of - Dispirited soul -

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Raja Xarrar

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "- Dispirited soul -"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
As advertised

... a dispirited voice crying out.

Creativity:
Monorhymes are difficult and you've done a good job of putting this together to make it flow without forcing it.

Content:
Inventive! Your line "a cut off kite" was terrific in creating the image of directionless drifting. Very nice.

Technical Notes:
The meter is very choppy and evening out the line lengths would help this flow much better... that said, the uneveness does support your "drifting" image... It's all just personal choice. L6 seems awkward... perhaps consider "cries from sadness's height." LOL - sorry, diet is an obtuse or near rhyme (althought it sure looks right

).

Overall Rating:

I think you did really well with this and believe, when you get some distance and come back, you'll see little things that you could improve to help the reader get into the flow. Very well done!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

971

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3007755

Review of I hate being wrong

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi ShellySunshine

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "I hate being wrong"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A sad and soulful poem that asks the question "What is the cost of forgiveness?"

Creativity:
The repetition of "I hate being wrong" is very powerful. It underpins the poem with a deeply felt pain and you use it very effectively here.

Content:
I found this very refreshing

. It wasn't just asking for forgiveness... it was a statement saying "Hey, I screwed up but let's get beyond that"... I came across as a strong person who realized a mistake. We're all human so we move on. It demands of the other that they be as strong as you. Great concept, great write.

Technical Notes:
Nada, nyet, nothing {e:smile:} When you're good, you're good.

Overall Rating:

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt! And, I suspect, with the same results... sad but true. A well written and emotional piece... Well done.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
** Image ID #1533880 Unavailable **

972

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3005341

Review of Black and White

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi LdyPhoenix

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Black and White"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A serious write about a serious issue.

Creativity:
You set the issues up nicely, in terms of the predominant colors and used imagery in an imaginative way to echo the emotions they invoke.

Content:
I think you used the form effectively and I think you broadened it to encompass the entire spectrum of our "differences" in stanza 3. Your images are sharp and reflect the emotions that make this such a difficult issue to address. I really liked that you didn't limit this to a black and white issue. Your line "We are not born in the monotone of black and white." held much truth. Bravo!

Technical Notes:
Your form, grammar, spelling... all perfect! Dividing the poem by using lead in lines was very effective.

Overall Rating:

and a

I think you captured many of the issues that were raised by the prompt and spoke to them with a strong voice. Very well done!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

973

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3005248

Review of Voodoo Madness

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi aralls

My name is Ken, and as I warned you, it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work (rItem:1481911}.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
As advertised

... a wicked tale of revenge!

Creativity:
Really nice flow and great imagery capture you from the first stanza and pull you onward...

Content:
From the opening line Dark magic at my fingertips, from my spoon to victim’s lips." you set the stage for this wonderfully wicked tale. You keep the darkness flowing with well metered lines and well chosen words. Very captivating.

Technical Notes:
Nothing to report

Spelling, grammar, punctuation... all spot on!

Overall Rating:

My only comment would be this is too short! More, more

Thanks for sharing your dark thoughts with us mortals.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

974

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3005060

Review of Little Lamb (a.k.a Lovely Little Lamb)

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Mr. A. Nonymous

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Little Lamb (a.k.a Lovely Little Lamb)"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Part praise, part psalm... all tongue twister

Creativity:
The alliteration made this a challenge but added to the unique feel. Your word play is hypnotic.

Content:
I enjoyed this. The read was interesting although I did struggle at times to reap the meaning... Perhaps you've traded alliteration for clarity? I still don't quite understand the opening stanza but then, I'm not always the sharpest knife in the drawer

Still, overall, this was a real treat to read. The reiterative opening I thought was very effective.

Technical Notes:
For the most part, I saw nothing to note

The grammar, punctuation, all was superb. One tiny blemish: 5th stanza next to the last line... relax'd needs to move to the next line to keep the end rhyme clean.

Overall Rating:

and a

This was quite an undertaking, combining many different poetry tools into a comprehensive tale... Really well done!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

975

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3004503

Review of Words

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Samantha...

Me again

and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Words"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Hmmmm

More words... perhaps a first serious love?

Creativity:
I liked the tone and the start... I thought you were open in your feelings and did well expressing them.

Content:
I was engaged... until the last line.... the last word. Then you left me scratching my head LOL. The word "how" left me hanging.... how... what? How to describe your feelings? How meaningless your words are? Had you left it at "So let me show you..." then my imagination could have filled in the blank. See the difference? Also, I really question the word "worship"... I think that's going a bit far... but hey, they're your feelings and I respect them.

Technical Notes:
Again, nothing to comment on (and that's a good thing

)

Overall Rating:

Another good write... an enjoyable (if a bit confusing) read. Hmmm, maybe I'm too old to remember the passions of youth.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **