🌕 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌕 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,120 Public Reviews Given

3,261 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

976

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3002643

Review of A Country's Rainbow

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi StaiNed-

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work (rItem:1532232}.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A wonderfully told story of the bigotry in men's hearts and the saving grace offered by understanding over ignorance.

Creativity:
At first, the off rhyme scheme felt strange but as I went along, it actually supported the feel and texture of your words. Really interesting, really creative.

Content:
Some of the imagery was hard to identify with... "Voids of people live..." seemed too contradictory to me to understand where you were going - but then again, I'm not always the sharpest knife in the drawer

. Two lines really stand out... the one on bigotry "They warp their own reflections. / Wanting their solid one color perfection." and the one on grace "Not because of the color of our mother. / But from the image of our heavenly father." I felt these were the heart of your write (to me

) and they spoke eloquently to the subject.

Technical Notes:
One (count'em one

) small typo... stanza 5 "its" doesn't need an apostrophe. I do it all the time so my eyes are sensitive to it LOL.

Overall Rating:

and a

A really enjoyable read about an important subject. I'm glad you decided to write again... A wonderful read.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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977

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3002627

Review of American Stew

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi fyn

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "American Stew"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
More prose than poetry... a wonderful tale of your origins, adapting your history to the subject matter.

Creativity:
A fascinating read.

Content:
For me, the heart of this was "I am an American. I need no hyphen to be who I am." We are a funny culture, identifying ourselves with our ancesty - Irish-American, Polish-American, Japanese-American - and then complaining when someone else does the same thing

. Where I had confusion with your work was in the focus. The first half is an oral history of your family... and while I understand what you were eventually laying the groundwork for, I felt it didn't contribute to the overall purpose of your write. In fact, the fourth stanza could be interpreted as debating the point of the article. The last three stanzas get to the heart of the issues as I understand them and your equating American's as part of something that works best in combination was excellent!

Technical Notes:
I saw nothing to speak of other than my perception that the first few stanzas read more like prose. Paul Engle had the right idea with is explanation: "Poetry is ordinary language raised to the Nth power. Poetry is boned with ideas, nerved and blooded with emotions, all held together by the delicate, tough skin of words."

Overall Rating:

A fantastic read... your history and the strength you've pulled from it is admirable! Well done.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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978

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3002607

Review of Impassionate Eyes…

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Robin...

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Impassionate Eyes…"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
You've not only captured the prompt, you've captured the issue eloquently!

Creativity:
I love the rhyme scheme you've chosen... it works perfectly to capture the images and emotions of this work.

Content:
What can I say?

This is wonderful in its completeness, in its tone, in its condemnation of our silence. The heart of your poem, for me, was "Impassionate eyes / can’t see past the cries / of those they’ve long chastised – the ones they despise." This alliteration captures the true heartbreak of where we find ourselves.

Technical Notes:
This is so solid on so many levels... the only thing I noticed was "God's Clan"... I'm not sure clan needs captalization... but I could be wrong

.

Overall Rating:

Bravo on a wonderful write!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

979

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3001707

Review of love

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi Cory...

I thought I'd look at your one poem. I'm a poetry lover

so it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "love"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Confusing, my friend... you've the emotional content but not the focus.

Creativity:
The use of a repetitve phrase is a part of many forms of poetry because it emphasizes your main point. You've discovered this I see...

Content:
The confusion I see is that your ambiguous about who you're giving all you love to. You say "is it you? is it her?" and then you profess all your love... to whom? I think you were trying to say that whoever it is, THEY will get all your love.

Technical Notes:
I think you have a raw talent but need a little guidance on the technical aspects of poetry. I'd recommend you start with a few basics. A good place to start is here: "Invalid Item"

. You'll notice the last few posts were by me. I consider myself a pretty good (not great) poet but I still have much to learn. I think you'll find the lessons enjoyable, challenging, and enlightening...

Overall Rating:

Welcome to WDC and the world of poetry. It's a marvelous medium that's only limited by your imagination! I look forward to reading you as grow in skill...

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

980

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3001678

Review of who am I

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi cory bennett

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your introduction "who am I"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
There's much implied but left unsaid....

Creativity:
A strong statement of your convictions and beliefs makes this uniquely you.

Content:
Not to get into a theological discussion (very bad idea

) but if you're made in his image, the "nothing more than a lone stranger" is really a lot more. You have strengths and weaknesses just like the rest of humanity... I'd offer a few of each to help others get to know you. Then, your warrior ending could include that it's his strength through you that makes you a "warrior for..." Just a thought.

Technical Notes:
Let's talk writing

. First, technology. This site uses HTML so trying to space your writing is very difficult. You have a lot of spaces stuck in front of your sentences which makes this jagged. Open it, click "Edit" and remove the extra spaces to give this a better look. If you want to center the heading add curly parenthisis, word: center curly unparenthesis before and /center (in curly parentheses) after. They won't show up except in your edit view.

Second - form. "I" is always capitalized (well, except in certain styles of adult writing

which you're not about to get to) Likewise, so the Christ - both out of respect and because it's a proper name.

Overall Rating:

and a

A good start but you're starving us on details... give some thought to what you've written means in your life... add some examples... You'll gather interest and go from a stick drawing to an illustration of who Cory is.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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981

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3000462

Review of My dearest, Incomparable

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Columbine

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "My dearest, Incomparable"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Neither unintentional nor unassuming

Creativity:
I really like the tenor of this... the realization of his imperfection and yet your attraction... the conflict sets this up nicely.

Content:
Some strong imagery makes this delightful; some of the metaphors - sorry, I didn't get them. I think the failure may be in the audience

"You are the orange gleam of a duck’s foot on the still lake of my facade" I see the image but it doesn't compute.

Technical Notes:
A nice flow, really enjoyable reading... The mechanics (spelling, etc.) are perfect. Well done!

Overall Rating:

I think you're on to something here

The last two lines are the heart of the write and I think it's a great idea for a poem... it's just not totally accessible to all of us yet.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

982

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3000386

Review of Love me like before

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Shaziane

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Love me like before"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A poem of desperation... a poem of unforgiveness of self.

Creativity:
There is an honesty in this... in your pain, in the words you use, in the emotions you convey.

Content:
This started off really strong... but faded toward the end. The desperation you felt (feel?) became overwhelming at the end and changed the feel of this write from one of seeking forgiveness for your misguided acts to one of weakness - relying on another for forgiveness.

Technical Notes:
Good use of grammar; punctuation... the light blue makes it difficult for old eyes (like mine

) to read this.

Overall Rating:

This was an emotional write and, I note by the reference number, written some time ago. I hope you've moved beyond this point and found forgiveness in yourself. We all do dumb things... but life is funny - you can't change the past - you can only change the future. I hope yours is bright and happy.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

983

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3000082

Review of Speak soft my name

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Kåre Enga in Montana

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Speak soft my name"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A strong poem about the horrific effects of th Tsunami in Indonesia.

Creativity:
The form and your approach to this was perfect. You kept my attention throughout!

Content:
I love the way you built this up... I could see the earth awakening and taking the waters deep then relasing them on the journey of destruction. You use strong imagery to build this until, like the tsumami, it comes full force... and the receeds into quiteness.

Technical Notes:
Nothing ... the form was great, the words powerful, the imagery spot on. Well done.

Overall Rating:

A wonderful write... I see this was written a while ago and its withstood the test of time... still attracting readers, still releasing the power of your words... Thank you for allowing me to share your vision... I'm returning your GPs... the read was payment enough

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

984

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2999661

Review of Ravens of War

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Koyel~writing again

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Ravens of War"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A bloody tale of battle aftermath and carrion eaters!

Creativity:
Nicely done! The imagery of a battle strewn field and the Raven's dining on the dead and dying... a powerful tale.

Content:
Nice imagery; good descriptive language... a well told tale.

Technical Notes:
L1 of the second stanza has six syllables (car*cass*es) Perhaps an alternative (decay; remnants?)

Overall Rating:

and a

A heroic tale of the Raven's foul nature

Well told. Thank you for sharing your vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

985

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2999655

Review of Corvus Corax

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi Writer_Mike

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Corvus Corax"

[ASR].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Fearless writing

Creativity:
At first, this felt almost Cinquain-like (although I know "corvus corax" is more than one word). I love the fact that you used uncommon words which, when understood, carry so much more meaning! Excellent!

Content:
You described the common Raven in wonderfully descriptive terms and then introduced the "dark" side of legend and tale. Really well done.

Technical Notes:
I had to check

... seneschal is a steward although it's not a common useage. Very cleverly done.

Overall Rating:

and a

Cleverly written, fearless in language... a terrifc read! Thank you for sharing your dark vision with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

986

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2999651

Review of Raven

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Have a sunshiny day!

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Raven"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a clever write... very enjoyable.

Creativity:
Typically, haiku's are short statements... you've made this into a rhyme

(I'm a rhymer myself - good for you!)

Content:
A well told tale of nature.

Technical Notes:
None... the form was perfect.

Overall Rating:

A clever and well written haiku. I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

987

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2999533

Review of Joshua

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Richard Briley Jr

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Joshua"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a sweet write about your relationship and love for your grandson.

Creativity:
Told in simple language, you take us through a day with all it's simple pleasures of spending time with "Joshiee"

Content:
The scampering, the story reading, the love... all is relateable to anyone with a child or grandchild. This brought back warm memories.

Technical Notes:
(Puts on stern face {e:laugh{) My only recommendation would be consistency! Either rhyme or don't... I'm a rhymer by nature so when I pick up a rhythm in a poem, I look for it to continue... you rhymed some, stopped, picked it up again... stopped, did oblique rhymes (like one/thumb - they 'sortta" rhyme). I would pick a style and be consistent. It's less of a distraction for the reader.

Overall Rating:

{e:smile} This was a wonderfully warm and loving write filled with the joy of you and your grandson. Thank you for sharing these moments with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

988

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2999516

Review of What’s on my mind

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi CoriXD

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "What’s on my mind"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
I found this very sweet; if I wasn't so old, I could probably remember back that far

Creativity:
This was an honest write... I thought it expressed your feelings very well.

Content:
I'm not a big fan of vers libre (free verse) but for this kind of writing, it's perfect... the form helped frame the hesitation you obviously felt at the time and the words were natural, simple, and exactly mirror the way we talk to ourselves.

Technical Notes:
My one pet peeve

... text speak. The word is "to" not 2

Beyond that, L14 "you're" L15 I think you meant "than"

Overall Rating:

and a

This was very enjoyable to read. I think you have a really good talent and I hope you keep up poetry... I look forward to reading more! Thank you for sharing your vision...

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

989

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2999335

Review of Where Glory Fails

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi DRHF

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Where Glory Fails"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A wonderful flow and cadence - but a muddled message.

Creativity:
You have a natural rhythm in your words... it really pulls the reader along.

Content:
What I got from this was a poem that felt more about the environment... not a search for glory, per se. You use wonderful phrasing, very poetic images, but you overdo it a bit. When I first started off, I had an idea of what poetry should be... but it wasn't my idea. Over time, I've realized that we each have our own voice and poetry is about finding that voice.

Technical Notes:
Try dumbing it down a bit

so that those of us with weaker minds can follow your message. Whenever I've gone to deep metaphorical writes, I usually add an author's note at the end... I try and leave my reader's a short description of what I was alluding to... You'd be amazed at how many responses I get back thanking me... and acknowledging that with that understanding, suddenly the poem took on new meaning and clarity.

Overall Rating:

and a half

I think you have talent and certainly your words speak of passion. Just remember never to sacrifice clarity of message for pure imagery. If no one "gets it"... the message is lost and the reason for the poem ceases to exist.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

990

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2998752

Review of Him

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Hestia

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Him"

[18+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A poem of dark truth and pain.

Creativity:
A deluge of images and words, tumbling and fighting for recognition. Very effective in capturing one's attention.

Content:
Powerful emotions are released by your words. The phrasing sings of your pain. The second stanza is clearly your feelings of embarassment, unease, self consciousness about the relationship. The third is just as clearly your unhappiness with where you are. What doesn't come across is the source... Your lead in "the pain of an affair" is the only clue to this and it does clearly set the poem up.. assuming everyone reads it

.

Technical Notes:
The only part that nagged at me was the last line first stanza and first line second stanza both start of "unseen" and seem to echo each other... you may want to look again and see if that was your intent.

Overall Rating:

and a

Very powerful emotionally and a really great read. Thank you for sharing your vision...

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

991

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2998739

Review of LIFE

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Puja

My name is Ken (one of your Paper Doll Gang cohorts) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "LIFE"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A litany of life as metaphor

Creativity:
You've found many creative ways to highlight life as... from fairytales to monsters.

Content:
Bitter chocolate? Hey, some of us have sweet tooths! (Just kidding you). You've found some unique metaphors to compare life to... nicely done.... but also overdone. Metaphors are one of the BIG tools that poets use to show something in a different light... to give the reader an "aha" moment by showing a different perspective on whatever they're writing about. When used repetitively, they lose their impact. The last two lines are the heart of your poem... I'd relook at how the metaphors relate to those two lines... that's the connection you're looking for.

Next to last line: "when you see from a heart..."

Technical Notes:
You've used several oblique rhymes (a rhyme with an imperfect match in sound [green, fiend; one, thumb] ) throughout your poem. Where you can, you should look for perfect rhymes. Given that you're using metaphors, that should not be difficult since you're not being dictated to by a specific story line.

Overall Rating:

and a

I think this was a very clever write. I applaud your ending... your point that life is clearer, more meaningful when seen through the eyes of the heart is beautifully said. Thank you for sharing your vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

992

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2998586

Review of Tree Hugger

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Arley

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tree Hugger"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A sad write of love lost and giving up.

Creativity:
Some strong imagery and mix of rhyme styles keeps this interesting.

Content:
I felt that you lost some of your passion in the middle... it almost felt like you allowed your focus to drift from your feelings to the words themselves... Still, some wonderful imagery with lines like "I cried my heart to the moon; it sung back to my soul." and "Some people walk by; some stories are told." really stand out and bring strong emotion to this.

Technical Notes:
You begin with a double rhyme and then drop it... you move to end rhymes and then drop it... I found that I was looking for a cadence or rhythm to carry me and when you changed your style, I had to pause... I think you should pick a form and stay with it. This is a wonderful poem and the mechanics should support the message and flow so that the reader can stay with your words and emotions.

Overall Rating:

A really nice write, full of emotion and reflecting the somber images you've created with your words. An enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

993

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2998085

Review of Heartfelt Gratitude

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi fyn

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Heartfelt Gratitude"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
This was an amazing write that spanned so time, life, death with so many feelings following a common thread.

Creativity:
The spatial form works really well with this and adds the needed compartmentalization that a complex write like this needs. Very effective use of form.

Content:
This is really vignette poetry. The loss feeds rebirth in a powerful litanry of moments in time. A powerful poem - a powerful statement.

Technical Notes:
This was well constructed; the grammar, flow, imagery... all perfect.

Overall Rating:

First - Congratulations for winning the Moonheart Poetry Contest. Well deserved.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

994

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2998055

Review of Clickin' Addiction

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi typingrhyme

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Clickin' Addiction"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
This is both humorous and a sign of your great distress

but one I think you'll survive.

Creativity:
Very cleverly done... you've managed to lay out a roadmap of my day. Very "tongue-in-cheek" filled with knowing smiles.

Content:
I love that you captured a litany of all the ways computers have impinged on our life... from email to Facebook. Well done!

Technical Notes:
One busted rhyme (note/joke) but I'll forgive you... danged if I can figure out how say it in rhyme

. Other than that - perfect! This is one of the best I've seen from you! Really well done.

Overall Rating:

and a

Humorous, truthful, a perfect combination. Did I mention how much I enjoyed this?

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#2997869

Review of Jack it

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi M. Kizer

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Jack it"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A macabre tale of an item's possession... darkly written but an engrossing tale.

Creativity:
I think that you've done a masterful job of storytelling. The concept was orginal and the story held my attention all the way through.

Content:
You've done an admirable job in your descriptions... detailed enough to clearly bring the image into the reader's mind without overpowering the write with useless adjectives. You description of the ghost's revenge "The flesh at the sides of Greg’s neck began to constrict as two cold hands wrapped tightly about it in a purposeful embrace. Panic washed over his face as he struggled for breath. Eyes bulging, the microscopic capillaries within each began to burst under increasing pressure. Small trickles of blood flowed beneath the thin layers of skin covering his eyeballs." was very detailed and brought a shortness of breath to me just reading it

Technical Notes:
Your grammar and punctuation, for the most part, is really good. The spacing, however, is horrible

The scattered and choppy appearance makes it hard to read. I'd take this out, paste it into a good word program (like MS Word) and clean up the format. You put several hard returns into this which make the paragraphs stop and start in random.

This is such a good story - it just needs a little cleaning up to welcome the reader.

Overall Rating:

and

A very enjoyable read! My rating is based on the story, not the form. A powerful tale of the supernatural that's sure to please most readers.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#2996087

Review of Burning Brightly

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi T.D Ange

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Spatial vers libre style; a story about how the least of us matters.

Creativity:
I really found this very creative both in style and tone. Certainly the form was reminiscent of a flickering flame which added visually to the poem.

Content:
I thought the message was powerfull and the poetic tone, use of metaphor, and overall story was excellent. I really enjoyed the lines "leave me to the wind and I go out/cradle me, and I'll glow." It really highlights the need for care in each of us. I found that particularly touching and a strong statement.

Technical Notes:
Form: Typically, the spatial nature of the form is more than visual appeal. It actually is used to direct the reader into pauses and push the reader into the nature and flow of the poem. I found this went a bit beyond that, detracting from an easy understanding of the underlying - and important - message in your words.

I wasn't sure of the phrase "diminishing long into the night"... diminishing implies a fading or growing smaller but a flame wouldn't necessarily last "long into the night". I think removing the word "long" would remove the conflict without changing the meaning of the line.

"lumosity" is not a word

I think you were looking for luminosity.

Overall Rating:

This is a wonderful poem and with a few minor changes it's powerful message will be clearer and more readily discerned. Thank you for sharing this vision... it was a very enjoyable read.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#2994869

Review of Father and Son

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Sticktalker

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Simple in form, this captures the beauty of trust between a parent and child.

Creativity:
I enjoyed your unique form! This simply told tale is beautiful because of its simplicity.

Content:
I liked the way you developed the poem with little vignettes showing the trust as it develops. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
You used "solid" rhymes throught out. The only aspect that I found a bit odd was that the focus was "Father and Child"... and in the last stanza, you brought in Mom. It just seemed almost gratuitous and it broke the rhyming pattern you had set up (AAB, AAC, AAD) so it ended the poem on a note that seemed off balanced.

Overall Rating:

Regardless of the technical aspects, this was a very sweet and loving write. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#2994181

Review of Poetry Forms

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)

Hi larryp

What a great ... whatever this is

port? blog? Not sure, I'm too new... let's just say resource. I love form poetry... it has taught me so much about meter and cadence and improved my writing over the past 3 months more than all the reading and writing that went before it.

As I browse through the forms you have listed here, I'm amazed at the variety and wealth you've collected. You've given clear explanations and examples...

Bravo to you for your initiative... and thank you. You're definitely bookmarked and I will visit you often!

Warmly,

Ken
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#2992375

Review of Love's Sweet Repertoire

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Dave

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Uplifting, joyful... a wonderful poem to read!

Creativity:
The form, if not the sentiments, makes this really interesting... held my attention the whole way.

Content:
I really liked the word choice and tone... you've taken it out of the mundane with "veneers" and "repertoire" adding layers of meaning that open up the reader's imagination. Well done.

Technical Notes:
Not a thing I can say. I really like the form... the repetitive line gives you opportunity to look at its meaning in multiple ways, the "limerick" or "minute poety" refrain adds a quickness that keeps it flowing... A really nice form. (Yes

I'll be clicking on the link - which - I should add a "Thank You" for.

Overall Rating:

A fun write, well conceived and well written!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#2992365

Review of Valentine

Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hi mike

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Very sweet - a declaration of your feelings for Dana. Nicely done.

Creativity:
What hasn't been said about love?

Still, the honesty of emotion in this makes it unique to you.

Content:
I like your word choice and the imagery... I do think "raging bull" is a bit over the top

but who am I to say how you feel? I think you've expressed your feelings wonderfully.

Technical Notes:
OK - I do have a few suggestions to make this flow a bit better.
Your meter is pretty good with a few exceptions... take line 2. lf you substitute "I've" for I have it flows smoother since the first two lines have such disparate counts.
Line 4: "you're"
2nd stanza - Line 2 "when I am never you..." I think you left something out

3rd stanza - I'd be consistent in capitalizing Dana's name.
Punctuation... In poetry, there are all approaches and none is the only way. Still, consistency is the key.
Unless this is a dom/sub write, "I" is always capitalized.

Overall Rating:

I think, with a few minor adjustments, Dana is going to be very pleased

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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