🌖 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌖 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,125 Public Reviews Given

3,266 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

926

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#3025311

Review of Storm

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

You Are Who You Are

Number five, as promised. The first "form" I ever tried was a Haiku and I couldn't pass up a chance to look at yours. It is - sincerely - my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Storm"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A beautiful haiku chain.

Creativity:
I appreciate that you incorporated several poetic devices (such as onomatopoeia) in the structure of your verses. It really brings the elements you describe to life.

Content:
You combine visual, tactile, and sound images to excite all the senses of the reader. Well done! The more you can involve the reader's senses, the more impact your poetry has. I think you did a wonderful job in creating this chain to bring the storm into the viewers line of sight and let them feel the power and the promise of nature.

Technical Notes:
Since I don't know the various "rules" you cite, I can't comment. However, in general, the haiku is 17 syllables, arranged 5 - 7 - 5, deals with nature, and in traditional form, offers an "aha" moment in the last line - a surprise or different view of the preceeding lines. I felt that was missing but it didn't diminish the beauty of your images.

Overall Rating:

This was a pleasure to read. The form forces you to carefully choose your words since you don't get a lot of them... and I think you did a wonderful job creating this force of nature tale. It has been a pleasure to wander through your area and see the many facets of your talent. Thank you for hosting me and I look forward to reading more of you in the future.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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927

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#3025293

Review of My Bloody Valentine

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello Mari...

Back to poetry

as I complete review four of the five promised. I thought it would be fun to see the "darker" side of you and, so, it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "My Bloody Valentine"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Hmmm - Remind me not to get you mad at me

A darker side indeed!

Creativity:
This variation on the diamente form is effective here... forming a daggar that stabs the final words into the reader's heart.

Content:
I love how you've used this particulary form... the wings of love, the happiness all building a base upon which to see your future is support by the widening lines... then, the darkness, the narrowing of focus as hatred replaces love and you scale down to the daggar of death. Really terrific use of the form!

Technical Notes:
A few of the words seem more chosen for "fit" than for the tale itself. For example - S2L5 "I've done my revenge" as opposed to the more natural "I've taken my revenge" felt like you chose "done" to keep the diamond form flowing more than the story flowing... but I've been wrong before

.

Overall Rating:

and a

Truely a darker view of love and its affects on some when the promise is broken. Well written, chilling in a "fatal attraction" sort of way, this is a strong and dark write. Thank you for sharing this imaginary tale (you'd never do this, right?

) and your unique poetic views of the feelings that would run through you.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3025280

Review of You Told Me

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Mari...

I thought just looking at your poetry, while my first love, would be doing your talent a disservice (besides, lyrics are poems too

). So with that philosophy in mind, it is my pleasure for review number three to both read and comment on your lyrics "You Told Me"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A song of love, a song of friendship...

Creativity:
Beautifully done... I could hear the music in your words that soared with the love you wove into each line.

Content:
This is part poem, part song, part rememberance, part future. I think most find trust the hardest thing to share. There is a wondeful trust that you offer Neko with these words, the ultimate sign of your love and affection. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
The first stanza, last line... you shift from past to present tense. You ask "Do you remember?" and answer "you listen to what I've got to say"... I think if you changed it to "what I had to say" it would keep the consistency of timing.

Overall Rating:

This is wonderful tribute to someone you love and trust with your whole heart. A beautiful recounting of the past... a trust that it will never change. Thank you for sharing this lovely poetic vision of what this person means in your life. Well done!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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929

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#3025271

Review of Irreplaceable

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi mARi😭DiagnosedDepression

Thank you for bidding on my donation! This is the first of five reviews. I appreciate you opening your port and your poetic heart to me. I will be gentle

. My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Irreplaceable"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A sad tale of love lost and a heart broken.

Creativity:
I love form poetry - and this is a new form for me. I love it

! Simple words in a mesmerizing form bring your emotions to life.

Content:
The simple words belie the complexity of emotions that you've woven into this sad poem. The repetitive last line becomes a release of pain and doubt, freeing your hurt for momentary surcease. The strength of the emotions pull the reader into this, capturing a resonant feeling since we've all been there. Really well done!

Technical Notes:
OK, I'm going to be a stinker... I love the form but you "copped out" in stanza 3 when you went from perfect to oblique rhymes. I'm not criticizing - I don't know how you'd express that otherwise but it did break the flow a bit.

Overall Rating:

and a

You are a very talented poet(ess?)

I'm never sure - I guess all poets are poets regardless of gender. This was a sad but beautiful poem that carries deep emotions. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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930

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#3024515

Review of Gloomy Country Road

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi An apple a day....

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Gloomy Country Road"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
You've painted a word picture of the image... nicely done.

Creativity:
I like that you went beyond the image and brought in other senses. The sounds, the feel of wind... all play to pulling in the reader.

Content:
Okay

I know it's me but I'm not a big fan of slang (unless, of course, it's an integral part of the poem). "Cows and critters..." I'd either drop the cows or the critters. Something like "Nature's children" would keep the same beat and get across the idea of all the small creatures running for shelter without breaking the style you have going before and after. Just a thought.

Technical Notes:
The form is perfect

. My only suggestion would be in the last line. I'd replace the comma after "all" with a period. I think that would make "Here comes the night." a more powerful conclusion.

Overall Rating:

and a

I really liked your take on the prompt. This was a thoroughly enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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Signature created by our dear talented friend, Kelly1202

931

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#3024487

Review of Cut Flower

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Soldier_Mike

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Cut Flower"

[ASR]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A beautiful poem about love and constancy and loss.

Creativity:
You've used the Rondel form to it fullest in telling this story.

Content:
Nice imagery, beautiful flow... not an easy thing with this form. I saw no breaks in flow and your message was touching and gentle. Really nicely done!

Technical Notes:
S1L4; S2L2; S3L1 all had nine syllables... the Rondel form is an eight syllabe per line poem. A little tightening up on this and I'm sure you'll fit the form to your message.

Overall Rating:

A really beautiful effort... Thank you for sharing your poetic vision and thoughts. A little polish and this jewel with shine!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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932

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#3023705

Review of I will serve you till I die...

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Puja

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "I will serve you till I die..."

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A statement of devotion!

Creativity:
This is a wonderful form that is so expressive. The repetition is subtle and allows you to see words in a different light.

Content:
You imagery is wondeful... a few of your phrases are a bit confusing... With your words "to endure lying under the steel vulpine," I wasn't clear about your intent. "vulpine" means crafty, like a fox and didn't seem to fit with steel.

Technical Notes:
While there is no set meter to the Rondel, the "target" is typically 8 syllables. You should try for better consistency to make this flow a little better.

Overall Rating:

and a

I thought you created a excellent poem using a difficult form. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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933

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#3020985

Review of Last chance for Winter's Kiss

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Michelle...

Five of five promised. I hope you've enjoyed this as much as me

. I decided to poke around your port a bit and found this to close out my "official" reviewing journey. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Last chance for Winter's Kiss"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
This is a co-write and the clash (or compliment

) of styles and form drew me into this. A wonderfully warm and sensual write.

Creativity:
The two styles make this really a creative way to write your story. I didn't think at first I'd like it, but it grows on you

.

Content:
A story! From beginning to end, the purpose is to tell a wonderfull story - seen through two different sets of eyes but one common bond of attraction.

Technical Notes:
I will admit, I'm not a big fan of center alignment when it comes to the prose sections. It's a bit disconcerting and I think that centering the poetry and left aligning the text would have helped in the differentiation of the viewpoints. Minor, however, since it's the story that's at the heart of this and form doesn't diminish that in the least!

Overall Rating:

and a

A wonderful story that, if it's not true, darn well should be

Thank you for sharing this genuinely lovely tale. Thank you for having me as a guest in your port! You are a talented and gifted poet and I'll probably be back just to bug you now and then and to remind myself that nice people still exist.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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934

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#3020958

Review of A walk alone with me

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Michelle... It's me again

Number four, as promised. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A walk alone with me"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
The title has many meanings... Your words paint a picture of the "alone" within.

Creativity:
There's an etheral quality to your words, like thoughts drifting, that very appealing and attractive.

Content:
I think the heart of this is found in your words "I am no longer pretty to me." You convey the alone feelings you have, the lack of feeling attached and so you float out of the house and downtown... but the aloness is more a matter of withdrawing because you don't feel acceptable by whatever standards you've set for yourself. I suspect that the final line is more a wish than a fact

. We all want to disappear sometimes and you've captured that feeling of withdrawing and becoming invisible beautifully with these words.

Technical Notes:
Sorry - you want long comments? Don't write so well

Overall Rating:

Hmmm this is becoming a habit

Once again, lovely words and harsh images... that isolation you feel, that isolation you craved... you captured that will simple and direct words. A really wonderful write and sharing.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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935

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#3020901

Review of Trigger

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Poet

This is the second of five reviews I promised. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Trigger"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A dark write about love and its capacity to rationalize the irrational.

Creativity:
This is a very personal write that pulls the reader into this slice of your world. It is both confession and an appeal for understanding that's disturbingly honest.

Content:
"His trigger; his dynamite" becomes your mantra of acceptance in this sad tale. You state you love him; it's not him, it's his disease that causes his reaction. You leave tantilizing clues but no specifics so the reader is left in the dark about your relationship... lover, husband, family member? In the end, the reader is left to wonder if the disease has spread - have you now been affected and accept behavior that you wouldn't from anyone else. (Sorry, didn't mean to get preachy

)

Technical Notes:
The one bump I saw was the last line

"His excuse about life" In ancient times, when Kings were often crowned at young ages, they had designated servants to receive punishment for their misbehavior since you couldn't hit a King. Your words led me to believe you were his "whipping boy" for life and this line seems to be ambiguous about that.

Overall Rating:

and a

Again, a little clarity and focus will go a long way to toward helping the reader understand what and why you wrote this. It is a sad commentary and my thoughts and prayers go with you.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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936

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#3020877

Review of Addiction

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Michelle

This is the first of five reviews that you will be receiving as part of your successful bid on the Rainbow Ribbon Auction. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Addiction"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
You've got it bad

but you don't have trust.

Creativity:
I really like the repetitive lines... they reinforce the feeling of "addiction" you've woven into your words.

Content:
Your poem speaks of passion that borders on lust, not love. "Our souls entwined on a dance of a lifetime" tells me that you want more than just a physical relationship but you don't believe it will last. "I will feel the rejection" speaks to the fear within.

Technical Notes:
You've woven your conflicting feelings and emotions into a dance of words that both excite and leave a hollowness. Your flow is smooth... until the last stanza. The phrase "I can't live without" hangs there... when read one way, you seem to be saying you can't live without rejection. Another way, you can't live without him seeping into your brain. I don't think either is what you meant

.

Overall Rating:

and a

I love the darkness you've braided into this because it's such a human quality that we all share... a mechanism to limit our pain that most will identify with. A little clarity and this jewel will shine! Thank you for sharing this intimate part of yourself and your wonderful poetic vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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937

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14 days may be credited.

#3018603

Review of You see me here.

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Stephanie - ClosetFaerie

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "You see me here."

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
This started off soft but dropped into darkness - not at all expected!

Creativity:
Well the surprise element was an eye opener... kind of like that drop you get on a rollercoaster.

Content:
The contrast between your internal world and your perception of the outside world is startling. You draw beautiful images with your words and stark images with your emotions... An interesting contrast that kept me reading.

Technical Notes:
L5 - typo "just" I felt the beginnings of a rhyme in this which faded out... whether you did that deliberately or not, it was a little disappointing... (Yes, I like rhyme LOL). I'd really recommend that you pick a form and stick with it... it makes the reader stumble and this takes the focus off your message.

Overall Rating:

I thought you did a really good job in writing this. The contrasting textures definitely added interest to the poem. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision and talents... I look forward to reading more of your work.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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938

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#3018261

Review of Life In Word

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Loki

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Life In Word"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A poetic ride through your vision of the negative aspects of life.

Creativity:
Great phrasing and word choice make this wonderfully textured.

Content:
Great images such as "souls in bones" and "Frozen stygian depths" paint dark but beautiful images in the reader's mind. Your use of alliteration in lines like "grasping gripping grime" add to the flow. This was dark but wonderfully complex and full of textured meaning. Really well done.

Technical Notes:
None... didn't see anything; perfect!

Overall Rating:

A really enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your talent and your poetic vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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939

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#3018256

Review of The Lonely Road

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Aerion Dyseti

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Lonely Road"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A nice, simple tale of the pleasures of walking and the peace found therein.

Creativity:
A nice rhyme scheme (reminiscent of Minute Poetry) add to the smooth flow of this peaceful write.

Content:
This feels like the gentle thoughts that pass through your mind when your enjoying a stroll. The feelings of rhythm match the strides of your walk and make this flow very smoothly.

Technical Notes:
Poetically speaking, because poetry tends to be short and compact, you should try and avoid repeating the same word in the same line (i.e. S4 "if time would stop - end of time") This is the poetic challenge: to find ways to paint pictures and add texture to your images - different "brush strokes" can help you add depth to your writing.

Overall Rating:

A most enjoyable read. You have a wonderful touch with your words and with a little practice, I see you developing into a really good poet. Thank you for allowing me to "stroll along" with you

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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940

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#3018023

Review of The Royal Doll

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Rook

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Royal Doll"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A really creative tale of self examination and discovery.

Creativity:
A really unique storyline and great imagery combine to pull the reader into this world of yours.

Content:
Your transition for line 2 to 3 is a bit confusing... as you move from looking inward to outward. At first, I thought the you were viewing yourself (which you eventually do

but that's the climax of the write. You have really good imagery and a you tell the tale with a gentle touch, allowing the reader to move at a pace that allows for reading and understanding. Very well done.

Technical Notes:
This is really more prose than poetry. I read it as story and didn't feel the rhythm that free verse tries to set up. That isn't a bad thing

it just is my feeling. Your grammar, spelling, and all the mechanics are spot on!

Overall Rating:

and a

Regardless of what you call it, this was an intriguing write. I really enjoyed your tale. Thank you for sharing your imaginative tale, your talent, and your vision! I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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941

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#3017997

Review of Phoenix

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi James P. Brighton

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Phoenix"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A wondeful analogy... the heart being reborn like the phoenix.

Creativity:
I like the strong imagery... it pulled me into your tale.

Content:
You've manage to draw a wonderful picture, using the strong images in your words, of the pain of lost love and the ultimate strength you find through acceptance to try again..

Technical Notes:
The form makes your words scattered which slows down the reader. Spatial free verse should be used for a purpose - to segregate ideas for comparison or contrast, to highlight, to focus... I didn't get that sense of purpose in way your structured your fomat. The rest, spelling, grammar, all the mechanics - perfect

Overall Rating:

and a

This is a wonderful story, filled with the sad emotions of love's end and the promise of hope through accepting what has gone before. Thank you for sharing your talent and vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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942

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#3017987

Review of Who are you....Who I am

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Sherelle Kirkling

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Who are you....Who I am"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Not as advertised

It seems to me this is a lot more about you finding your strength than your faith.

Creativity:
I will admit, the form is not conducive to easy reading but the content is very compelling.

Content:
A strong write about independence and strength in knowing that your faith is there for you simply because you have value as a living, loving human being. The "who are you" repetitive phrase is used to good effect. I thought this a really well done poem.

Technical Notes:
Several small errors (i.e. S1L1 "I'v" shoud be "I've"), I ususally write in a program like MS Word which checks for "finger" errors

as well as confirming to me that I can't spell. The form, with the really long lines, makes this difficult to keep the reader engaged.

Overall Rating:

A solid core of words and images that speak to your natural talent. A little polish and your jewel will shine

Thank you for sharing your strength and vision with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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943

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#3017658

Review of Eyeballing Crowds

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Stephens burnt toast

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Eyeballing Crowds"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Definitely interesting - a write about rebellion and finding your own strength.

Creativity:
Strong images and a well chosen words combine to make this a strong statement.

Content:
Great imagery... muzzled mouths, depths of a madman's shoes, sharp steps of the beating city. You use your words to bring sharply defined images of silence and passing world. Very enjoyable to read although not always easy to see the meanings.

Technical Notes:
A few spelling errors: S1L6 "depths" S3L4 "taunts" S3L6 "hitting" are the more obvious ones. I'd recommend doing this in a program like MS Word which will do all the checking automatically.

Overall Rating:

You have the raw talent and display it well. A little polish will make jewels like this shine bright and allow readers to focus on your meanings rather than being sidetracked by minor flaws. Well done and I look forward to reading more of your poetic visions.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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944

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3017312

Review of Litter Begone!

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi NFR

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Litter Begone!"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A wonderful cautionary rhyme!

Creativity:
Very nicely done... a plethora of examples and a solution.

Content:
Quick solid rhymes, clear examples, environmental impacts, and a solution... this is the complete package

. You did have one oblique rhyme (sight/sites). There's nothing stopping you from pluralizing sights

. Very nicely done.

Technical Notes:
Mechanics are all solid (grammar, spelling). I'm not sure why you limited this to "older children and teens". The message is just as appropriate for adults who are probably more careless than kids!

Overall Rating:

and a

This was a really terrific write. It has the punch of a jingle and the message for a planet in need! Thank you for sharing your words and your talent.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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945

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3017198

Review of Japan ching chong

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi jtriepke

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Japan ching chong"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A bit on nonsense and fun... just for the smile of it

.

Creativity:
Well, I will admit that you have to get high marks for this one

. This whimsical tale of running to Japan is definitely one of a kind!

Content:
I do have to question why'd you run to Japan for Chinese... wouldn't China make more sense? Other than that, this seems very much driven by rhyme rather than having a specific tale to tell. That's not necessarily a bad thing in this genre.

Technical Notes:
This is written in a prose style... sentence after sentence and that makes this confusing to the reader. You might want to structure this in a more traditional form so that the reader can pick up the cadence of the write and follow along easier.

Overall Rating:

and a

A fun write with moments of great humor derived from the silly nature of this. Thank you for sharing your humorous tale.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

946

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3017182

Review of Long Wait

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Nav

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Long Wait"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A warm and touching story of love at first (and perhaps last?) sight.

Creativity:
I really love that you told a story with your words. Most poetry tell of a moment... yours tells of a lifetime. Well done.

Content:
You set this up with the first meeting and use descriptive language to delineate their stations in life. You weave into it the magic of love and then the separation... and conclude with true love winning. A perfect fairytale. Really, a warm and enjoyable read.

Technical Notes:
You have a few issues with this technically. For example, S3L1 "As they exchanged glance" you've a verb conflict. As they exchanged a glance or As they exchanged glances. You need to read this out loud and listen to the words. I find that using more than just one sense really helps to uncover the small errors that creep into our writing.

Overall Rating:

I think you have the makings of a wonderful poem here... but like a rough gem, it needs a little polishing to shine its brightest. Thank you for sharing this warm tale and your poetic visions. I look forward to reading more of you.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

947

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3017178

Review of Collectors and Packrats

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Katherine Klotz

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Collectors and Packrats"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A mournful memory and the bittersweet feelings it invokes.

Creativity:
More prose than poetry, this was nonetheless a beautiful write full of emotion.

Content:
I quite enjoyed sifting through your recollections with you

There is so much here that every reader (well, those over 14 LOL) will find something to identify with and feel the soft rustle of their own memories. Your imagery is strong and your concluding statement brings an "aha" moment! Really well done.

Technical Notes:
The mechanics are wonderful (grammar, spelling) but the form is really prose, not poetry. Regardless of the what you call it, it's a beautiful and touching write.

Overall Rating:

Thank you for sharing this sadly beautiful slice of your life. Your talent is obvious and I look forward to reading more of you.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

948

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3017169

Review of Shelter

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi eXai

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Shelter"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A reconciliation of your feelings about the security you feel within yourself.

Creativity:
The form is interesting and leads the reader through your thoughts and feelings.

Content:
It's interesting that you acknowledge this inner self as your security against the world while at the same time recognizing that it's imperfect with your line The anger you've felt, the monster inside you, the shades. Your poem is refreshingly honest and that's a compliment!

Technical Notes:
One minor glitch noted

. The next to last line should be "breaks" not "brakes" (darn homophones

) It would also be helpful if you could clarify early on that "you" refers to self. On first read, I thought you were refering to someone special in your life... not yourself. Last comment on form. Too much spacing between lines really breaks the flow... close up the white space just a bit.

Overall Rating:

I felt this was honest and spoken in a bittersweet voice. You recognize yourself as the shelter but you'd really rather not be in that position. Thank you for sharing this part of yourself and your poetic vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

949

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3017006

Review of the nobody.

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Layson A. Williams

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "the nobody."

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
I'm sorry... did you say something?

I know, I shouldn't make fun but you'll find that a smile doesn't hurt now and then.

Creativity:
Believe it or not, I've read several poems like this. I think we're all nobody's now and then. That said, if these are your feelings then that alone makes this a "one of a kind" poem. Poetry, above all else, is about honesty. This is poetry!

Content:
I'll admit, too many "nobodys" did have me swirling around a bit... did he mean himself or just nobody in particular? Then, it clicked and made a perverse kind of sense.... then it sunk in and I saw the simple brilliance of it

. This is a much more complex write than it appears and those who stop at just the words are the same ones who "ignores the wonders / That are dying deep below" (I think you meant dying instead of lying). In the end, you've crafted a tale of loneliness and frustration but you've handled with irony and self deprecating humor. Now, go the the office!

Technical Notes:
Nothing jumped out... all the mechanics seem solid (spelling, grammar) and the vers libre form is so amorphous that you really can't mess it up

Well done.

Overall Rating:

and a

In the end, I found this quite interesting and it gave me pause for thought. I appreciate your writing this and sharing your feelings and thoughts. Tell your teacher not to worry - I suspect you're a lot stronger than nobody.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **

950

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3016968

Review of Lies

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi Minky

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Lies"

[ASR]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Part confession, part plea... all poetry.

Creativity:
I really like the short phrasing. It lends a quickness to this, almost a breathlessness that speaks volumes.

Content:
The words that remain unspoken between people find a voice in your poem. You've created a honesty in your words that weaves in and out of your rhymes. I also feel you've left a lot unsaid... this is the surface layer of what you really want to say. It's extremely good - as far as it goes.

Technical Notes:
Not a thing pops out. Good grammar, no spelling errors, even proper punctuation

. Well done!

Overall Rating:

and a

A very nice write and enjoyable read. I see a lot of emotion that many will identify with... I hope this is the beginning and not the end

.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **