Honest but encouraging I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Sixteen" [13+]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
The ghost of a broken heart.
Creativity:
I really loved the feel and flow. You have a definite rhythm in this that’s almost Dr. Suess like … there’s a driving cadence to your words.
Content:
A bit simplistic, falling back on easy rhymes (not a bad thing – just an observation ). I appreciate that you told a whole story with this. I enjoyed the repetitive opening and closing – I thought you used them effectively. Overall, not too exciting but an enjoyable read.
Technical Notes:
I saw nothing obvious. Your spelling, grammar – all supports a well crafted poem. You did have one oblique rhyme (deep/feet) but you’re forgiven . They ought to have a place where you can invent rhyming words when you need them!
Overall Rating: This was an entertaining and enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing this with me.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Glass Meniscus " [13+]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Your imagery overpowers meaning.
Creativity:
I really loved the feel and flow but I didn’t get love/romance from your words. I got science fiction
Content:
I know what you said but I have to review based on what I see . I really love the imagery here – “We cast our nets between the stillness, And stopped, held still the Ancient seer” I saw as time stopping as you’d see during an FTL period or – as I saw here – parallel universes. Your flow and meter were great and you kept a poetic feel throughout your write. Perfect free verse!
Technical Notes:
I saw nothing obvious. Your spelling, grammar – all supports a well crafted poem.
Overall Rating: Regardless of meaning, I truly enjoyed reading this.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "She Writes Away" [13+]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
A farewell… to sadness, to life.
Creativity:
A different approach to suicide - writing your life away. An interesting idea and kept my attention.
Content:
I think you’ve captured the melancholy and sadness of a person who would contemplate this. I see what you mean… the “off balance” feeling comes from your refrain - “Now she writes her heart away.” I know what you’re saying but it does feel awkward. Have you considered using it at the end of each stanza instead of the lead in? Would that make if more of a summary and make it feel more complete? Just a thought.
Technical Notes:
I saw nothing obvious. Your spelling, grammar – all supports a well crafted poem.
Overall Rating: I think you have an emotional and well thought out poem here. I’d consider finding a new opening, something a bit more complete or use it as an ending. Try it different ways by reading it out loud. The ear can hear what the eye can’t see
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Rising Storm" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Tornado alley!
Creativity:
You have painted a unique picture of nature and her unpredictable and uncontrolled power.
Content:
I think you’ve captured many of the emotions and feelings that make up our response to nature in her wildest state… and the power of each of us to find the strength to carry on. You’ve used some strong images to capture the power and fear that it strikes. I appreciate that you ended this on a positive note. There is little stronger than the human spirit.
Technical Notes:
Not to be picky (OK – maybe a little ). Let’s start with typos – second stanza “beautiful” and “whipping”. Last stanza “Phoenix” – it’s also a proper name. At the end of the third stanza… you end with “they”… I think it’s part of a thought you started but never finished .
Overall Rating: I think you’re on the right track but this needs a little more work. Part of the problem when writing poetry (I suffer myself from this) is that you have an image in your mind and feelings running through you which you translate to paper and words. Unfortunately, the reader doesn’t share that insight You need to pull back and read it from an “outsider’s” perspective. Reading it out loud is a good way to do that. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision with me.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Where?" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Choices of expression.
Creativity:
Written in a simple couplet rhyme, you provoke thoughtful insights into the realm of choice – spoken or written.
Content:
I like the phrasing you use. You convey good emotional content but I found some of the lines tended to truncate your thoughts as in your closing line: “Reasons back all the meeting was fateful” This really left me scratching my head as it didn’t seem to flow from the preceding line and I didn’t understand its meaning standing alone. I’m not sure if this is style or meter driven.
Technical Notes:
OK – I’m a simple soul I need guidance so I ask – please – use punctuation. I need to know where you want me to pause and where to stop. When you write in imagery, you need to provide some guideposts. It’s clear in your head but the reader doesn’t get that insight . Content Rating When you posted this, the form has two content rating blocks... one for the "tickler" at the top and a second for the poem itself. When you don't add a rating, your poetry is blocked from anyone under 18. You can edit the poem and add a rating.
Overall Rating: An enjoyable read that’s open to many interpretations… it could be relationship, it could be the creative process, it could be communication in general. . I think, at its core, this is a fine poem but you need to step outside of your vision and see it through the reader’s eyes to add a clarity to your words.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Other Side" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
A longing write about moving forward.
Creativity:
You’ve handled the Quartern form in a wonderful way, weaving emotional content in your words.
Content:
Very nicely done. The repetitive line is used effectively in this poem about “the other side.” While not defined, you really have captured that sense desire to go but also hesitation, impeded by yourself in your words.
Technical Notes:
Technically, there is nothing to fault. This is not the easiest of forms and I think you’ve done really well with it.
Overall Rating: A thoroughly enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision with me.
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
A longing write about going home.
Creativity:
You’ve handled the Quartern form in a wonderful way, weaving emotional content in your words.
Content:
Very nicely done. The repetitive line is used effectively in this poem of paradise seen but not attained. You really have captured that sense of longing and desire in your words.
Technical Notes:
Technically, there is nothing to fault. The only weakness I see is that your chosen refrain “Paradise, just a bridge away” doesn’t always flow naturally into the verse you written. It seems almost placed rather than a natural part of the verse… or perhaps I’m just not reading it right . This is not the easiest of forms and I think you’ve done really well with it.
Overall Rating: A thoroughly enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your storytelling talents with me.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "April Cruel's Day" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
It’s hell being an April fool
Creativity:
I thought the heart of this was clever and found it to be a really interesting write.
Content:
Nice imagery… you take us through the trials and tribulations of being born on April 1st. From youth to today, it’s a burden you’ve borne with varying degrees of acceptance and reaction. I thought you did a good job of capturing those vignettes and crafting your tale.
Technical Notes:
Poetically, the meter was difficult . The lines – although similar in length – felt awkward at times. It felt like you truncated some of the lines which made reading this difficult and I found myself having to go back a few times to pick up the thread of your tale. I’d work on smoothing the flow of this. (Yeah, I know – easier said than done Many of us struggle with this.)
Overall Rating: A thoroughly enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision and your ability to laugh at moments like these with me.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Thoughts after Death" [13+]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Beware the Ides of March
Creativity:
It seems you enjoyed channeling Julius for this write. I thought it clever and enjoyable.
Technical Notes:
Poetically, I wish you’d have rhymed or not. When you mix the two, it causes the reader to stumble a bit. Technically, I saw no obvious errors (or unobvious ones either ) Well crafted.
Overall Rating: A thoroughly enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision of this moment in history with me.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Blue Mustang" [13+]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Revenge and results.
Creativity:
A well used plot but written with great character and good dialogue to keep it fresh.
Content:
I found this a very satisfying story. I’ll admit, it’s a bit “pat” but I think you kept the moving and interesting by focusing on the relationship between the sisters. You added little details to bring them to life, holding off the twist until the end nicely.
Technical Notes:
I saw no errors. I think the reference to the old saw “Revenge is a dish…” detracted a bit from the story. It’s used so often that it feels like a telegraphed ending… “I know where this is going,” was my first thought. I’d try and avoid common sayings unless you can find a creative way to twist them.
Overall Rating: A straight forward telling of the story. I thought, overall, that this was an excellent story but a bit too predictable.
It's just me and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Lost Tears Found" [13+]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
A moment of clarity erases a lifetime of mistakes.
Creativity:
I really liked the tack you took with this tale. Easily recognized, the challenge builds the emotional content and suspense.
Content:
I found this a very satisfying story. We all face challenges and choices and you’ve brought that to light in this tale. I’ll admit, it’s a bit “pat” but I think you kept the focus where it belongs… “Do you really want to do this?” Too bad we can’t remember to ask ourselves that more often.
Technical Notes:
I saw no errors. Well crafted as I’ve come to expect .
Overall Rating: A straight forward telling of the story. OK, I’ll admit it… I miss your twist (or is that twisted?) endings LOL. I thought this was an excellent story.
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
A “sense-able” write Sorry, couldn’t pass it up.
Creativity:
You ran the senses and found they all told you something about your love… very imaginative approach.
Content:
I like that you used each line as an entre to describe your thoughts and those things about your love that validated your feelings. I’ll admit… tasting the words was a little thin but still nicely written.
Technical Notes:
My only issue is the use of all the dashes. Typically (I’ve been pinged on this often enough LOL) a dash is used to separate an idea from its summary which this doesn’t. I think a more effective way (just my perception, mind you) might be to use an ellipsis (3 periods) and then italicize the remainder of each line so it would appear as:
I hear you… always singing that song.
An ellipsis can be used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence.
To add italics, simply type curly parenthesis i and curly unp before the word (no spaces since they don’t appear in the text) and the same thing at the end point except add a slash before the I (/i)
Overall Rating: A short but really enjoyable write that captures your thoughts about someone special in your life. Of all the things you wrote, the last line which incorporates trust is the heart of it. Thank you for sharing this glimpse of your life and your poetic vision.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Feet of Angels" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Wonderful little poem… filled with belief.
Creativity:
A totally different view of Angels… and one that strengthens those who believe.
Content:
I love the simple imagery in this. The Angels who carry prayers… those who toil with only compassion as their reward and the tears of the oppressed to cool their labors.
Technical Notes:
Personal preference – rather than dashes, use semicolons. The dash is actually supposed to be followed by a summary of what’s gone before. The semicolon just separates main clauses.
Overall Rating: In spite of punctuation, I totally enjoyed this unique vision of yours about the unseen and their part in our daily life. A really great read!
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Cygnus" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Gorgeous use of words and images.
Creativity:
Superb imagery and dulcet words draw the reader into this multilayered poem.
Content:
I love the complexity of this… the tangential references to both the swan and the constellation with your images of “Cygnus glides on astral ponds.” You have chosen the perfect combination of rhyme, imagery, and rhythm to create a beautiful hymn to nature.
Technical Notes:
Nothing. Nada. Nyet. This is a terrific display of ultimate craftsmanship.
Overall Rating: A superb write for the allotted space. A real pleasure to read. This should be the winner, no doubt.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Freedom To Play" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Beautifully sad…
Creativity:
I love that you added the notes… It helps put the poem in perspective.
Content:
I love that you (fictionally ) allow your son to be who he is without the pressure to conform to some artificial standard. The ending seemed to imply that he had died and the opening of the chest was a memorial of sorts. I’m not sure that’s what you meant since you didn’t indicate such in your epilogue. It left a very bittersweet feel to the poem.
Technical Notes:
Well crafted, showing the attention and caring you weave into your work.
Overall Rating: In the end, I thought this was a very sweet poem although I’m still a bit confused over its meaning. But, poetry is always in the eye of the beholder and like an artist, you paint the canvas and world sees what it will. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision with me.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "All Better Fits" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
What a sweet tale of puppy overcoming adversity
Creativity:
Very nicely done! A fresh look at our animal friends and their lives and struggles.
Content:
A whole story – with a very cute and happy ending. Love it! It’s a terrible disease and heartbreaking to watch. I’m glad he came through and – despite his being a puppy – I’m glad he nibbles on your toes .
Technical Notes:
I think, if you check, you’ll find it’s “parvo” – as in parvo virus – a highly contagious, often fatal viral disease of dogs. The third line has a double word typographical error. “Couldn't take even take a sup.”
Overall Rating: In the end, I thought this was a very sweet poem about your puppy and his recovery. It sure left me smiling! Thank you for sharing your poetic story with me.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Long Long Time Ago" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
The inner workings of the poetic mind
Creativity:
Your thoughts, your process… that makes it unique.
Content:
This is your truth in your words … A creative image of your muse nicely composed and set to rhyme.
Technical Notes:
Nice images but a bit awkward off the tongue. Your opening line “long, long time ago…” would flow a bit smoother by adding “A”… as in “A long, long, time ago…” very minor changes make all the difference. I typically write my work in a program like MS Word that has both a spell check and a grammar check. This alerts me to fragments and I can choose to let them remain or make changes. This lets me concentrate on my words and meaning and not have to be overly concerned with the technicalities.
Overall Rating: In the end, I thought this was a very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision with me.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Music of Silence!" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
An ode to silence
Creativity:
I felt that I had read this before although you did integrate a nice rhythm and rhyme which made it feel fresh.
Content:
There is truth in your words … there is a rhythm and flow to silence that sings to our souls and grants us peace. You’ve captured that feeling very nicely in your melodious words.
Technical Notes:
Technically, a finely crafted poem. No errors seen.
Overall Rating: I had to read this a few times and go beyond the surface to find the inner meaning. It’s me not you. In the end, I thought this was a very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing this peaceful moment with me.
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Fearless" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
A historical tale in the best sense of the word.
Creativity:
Very well done. I love that you related history to your tale and made it seem natural and plausible.
Content:
You stretched the build up a bit trying hard not to give away the “big picture” but a worthy attempt. I enjoyed the interplay and your descriptions were spot on. I could picture the tensions and the count down… Adding Jimmy Buffet was a clever way of working the salt-shaker in and I appreciate the cleverness of using “key” is a unique way.
Technical Notes:
Technically, a finely crafted tale.
Overall Rating: I found this a very enjoyable read and I thought there were several clever twists in working in the key elements. Very nicely done!
Of course, I’m returning your GPs. You know the deal – I don’t accept GPs for reading your work– but I may steal your ideas!
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "What the Bird Sees" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
A wise bird indeed!
Creativity:
I love that you’ve taken a birds-eye view of the word. Cleverly done and a refreshing perspective.
Content:
Nice phrasing and a meaningful message combine to make an eye opening poem.
Technical Notes:
I saw no obvious errors. Well done.
Overall Rating: A really nice write that was a pleasure to read. I can’t find any fault with this. Well done and thank you for sharing your poetic vision.
PS - I'm returning your autoaward GPs. My reviews are as much for my benefit as yours .
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Crush" [18+]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Passion play
Creativity:
There’s a raw honesty to your words that makes this very refreshing.
Content:
You’ve managed to really weave your feelings into your words, drawing images in the reader’s mind of being overwhelmed by passion. Very effective use of images in such a constrained write.
Technical Notes:
You had me right up until the last two lines Then two things happened – you lost the focus of your writing… “Liquid love he does erect” lost me completely. It just didn’t make sense to me – I’m sure you had the image in your head but I couldn’t interpret it from this line. The second was you broke your rhyme scheme by using sinful twice. Nothing wrong with that but you had a wonderful rhythm going and it just kind of ended a bit flat for me.
Overall Rating: Believe it or not, I really saw this as a vampire write . On the second read, I could see this as a kind of horror write which is not, I believe, what you were going for. Remember that us “outsiders” don’t have access to your internal images and you need to guide us a bit. I think this is a terrific write but I think you ran out of room .
PS – I’m returning your auto-award GPs. I don’t accept GPs for reading good poetry and this was very enjoyable. I look forward to reading more of you!
Very cleverly writ Jim! It was both entertaining and... enlightening . Kind of reminded me of Christian of the infamous viral video. Try as I might, there's nothing here to critique. Your form, you technical apects, all are perfect. Excellent tale and a cute ending. Well done.
Couldn't just stop at one... had to try your fiction too It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tommy's Rainbow" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
A very sweet story... cleverly composed and well told.
Creativity:
"The Man at the End of the Rainbow!" A clever construct to teach the moral of the story and whimsical enough to keep children interested... and parents as they read the tale
Content:
You language is appropriate, involving the sense through sound, vision, and even tactile as "the tear slid down his cheek." Involving the senses makes this more than a simple tale, it brings it to life in the mind of the reader. Nicely done.
Technical Notes:
I saw no errors... You are an excellent story teller and your attention shows in the crafting of this warm tale.
Overall Rating: A captivating tale... a bit predictable at the end but we all love happy endings so you're fogiven Enchanting tale, well told. Thank you for sharing this with me today...
Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,
Ken on behalf of:
** Image ID #1525786 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "One Last Drive" [13+]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Ohhhhh, spooky ... actually, very nice tale.
Creativity:
The couplet form is really good for this and your tale kept my attention the whole way.
Content:
I like that you told the whole story... from his impatience with all things metaphysical to his ultimate demise. A well told and well paced story.
Technical Notes:
A few broken rhymes (snort/nut, age/strange, etc.) but you kept the pace going and you never lost sight of the story. Nicely done.
Overall Rating: and a A very enjoyable tale and a fun read. It's been a while since you were last here and it's always fun to remind you that "this was you then!" You have a strong story telling ability and I'd love to see what you'd write today. Don't abandon poetry!
Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,
Ken on behalf of:
** Image ID #1525786 Unavailable **
** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **
My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Pet Store Friends" [E]
Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.
First impression:
Dog - gone! Sorry, couldn't pass it up.
Creativity:
I love that you took the dog's perspective. Very well done.
Content:
So many clever parts... lots of subtle humor and a great tail...err tale. "Dog-Knows-What" was a brilliant addition. Had me laughing from there on.
Technical Notes:
A couple of minor blemishes... P "Janie's tail between her legs." is not a complete sentence. Missing something. Other than that... spot on. Nicely crafted.
Overall Rating: A great story and a fun read.
Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,
Ken
** Image ID #1528017 Unavailable **
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