🌖 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌖 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,125 Public Reviews Given

3,266 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

851

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#3068707

Review of Sixteen

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Bonnie Lee

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Sixteen"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
The ghost of a broken heart.

Creativity:
I really loved the feel and flow. You have a definite rhythm in this that’s almost Dr. Suess like

… there’s a driving cadence to your words.

Content:
A bit simplistic, falling back on easy rhymes (not a bad thing – just an observation

). I appreciate that you told a whole story with this. I enjoyed the repetitive opening and closing – I thought you used them effectively. Overall, not too exciting but an enjoyable read.

Technical Notes:
I saw nothing obvious. Your spelling, grammar – all supports a well crafted poem. You did have one oblique rhyme (deep/feet) but you’re forgiven

. They ought to have a place where you can invent rhyming words when you need them!

Overall Rating:

This was an entertaining and enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3068700

Review of The Glass Meniscus

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi T E Parker

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Glass Meniscus "

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Your imagery overpowers meaning.

Creativity:
I really loved the feel and flow but I didn’t get love/romance from your words. I got science fiction

Content:
I know what you said but I have to review based on what I see

. I really love the imagery here – “We cast our nets between the stillness, And stopped, held still the Ancient seer” I saw as time stopping as you’d see during an FTL period or – as I saw here – parallel universes. Your flow and meter were great and you kept a poetic feel throughout your write. Perfect free verse!

Technical Notes:
I saw nothing obvious. Your spelling, grammar – all supports a well crafted poem.

Overall Rating:

Regardless of meaning, I truly enjoyed reading this.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3068675

Review of She Writes Away

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi J

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "She Writes Away"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A farewell… to sadness, to life.

Creativity:
A different approach to suicide - writing your life away. An interesting idea and kept my attention.

Content:
I think you’ve captured the melancholy and sadness of a person who would contemplate this. I see what you mean… the “off balance” feeling comes from your refrain - “Now she writes her heart away.” I know what you’re saying but it does feel awkward. Have you considered using it at the end of each stanza instead of the lead in? Would that make if more of a summary and make it feel more complete? Just a thought.

Technical Notes:
I saw nothing obvious. Your spelling, grammar – all supports a well crafted poem.

Overall Rating:

I think you have an emotional and well thought out poem here. I’d consider finding a new opening, something a bit more complete or use it as an ending. Try it different ways by reading it out loud. The ear can hear what the eye can’t see

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3068603

Review of Rising Storm

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi PoeticFox

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Rising Storm"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Tornado alley!

Creativity:
You have painted a unique picture of nature and her unpredictable and uncontrolled power.

Content:
I think you’ve captured many of the emotions and feelings that make up our response to nature in her wildest state… and the power of each of us to find the strength to carry on. You’ve used some strong images to capture the power and fear that it strikes. I appreciate that you ended this on a positive note. There is little stronger than the human spirit.

Technical Notes:
Not to be picky (OK – maybe a little

). Let’s start with typos – second stanza “beautiful” and “whipping”. Last stanza “Phoenix” – it’s also a proper name. At the end of the third stanza… you end with “they”… I think it’s part of a thought you started but never finished

.

Overall Rating:

I think you’re on the right track but this needs a little more work. Part of the problem when writing poetry (I suffer myself from this) is that you have an image in your mind and feelings running through you which you translate to paper and words. Unfortunately, the reader doesn’t share that insight

You need to pull back and read it from an “outsider’s” perspective. Reading it out loud is a good way to do that. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3068479

Review of Where?

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi SoilderPoet

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Where?"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Choices of expression.

Creativity:
Written in a simple couplet rhyme, you provoke thoughtful insights into the realm of choice – spoken or written.

Content:
I like the phrasing you use. You convey good emotional content but I found some of the lines tended to truncate your thoughts as in your closing line: “Reasons back all the meeting was fateful” This really left me scratching my head as it didn’t seem to flow from the preceding line and I didn’t understand its meaning standing alone. I’m not sure if this is style or meter driven.

Technical Notes:
OK – I’m a simple soul

I need guidance so I ask – please – use punctuation. I need to know where you want me to pause and where to stop. When you write in imagery, you need to provide some guideposts. It’s clear in your head but the reader doesn’t get that insight

. Content Rating When you posted this, the form has two content rating blocks... one for the "tickler" at the top and a second for the poem itself. When you don't add a rating, your poetry is blocked from anyone under 18. You can edit the poem and add a rating.

Overall Rating:

An enjoyable read that’s open to many interpretations… it could be relationship, it could be the creative process, it could be communication in general.

. I think, at its core, this is a fine poem but you need to step outside of your vision and see it through the reader’s eyes to add a clarity to your words.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3068103

Review of The Other Side

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi prospexi

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Other Side"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A longing write about moving forward.

Creativity:
You’ve handled the Quartern form in a wonderful way, weaving emotional content in your words.

Content:
Very nicely done. The repetitive line is used effectively in this poem about “the other side.” While not defined, you really have captured that sense desire to go but also hesitation, impeded by yourself in your words.

Technical Notes:
Technically, there is nothing to fault. This is not the easiest of forms and I think you’ve done really well with it.

Overall Rating:

A thoroughly enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3068080

Review of Paradise- just a bridge away.

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Lauracat

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Paradise- just a bridge away."

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A longing write about going home.

Creativity:
You’ve handled the Quartern form in a wonderful way, weaving emotional content in your words.

Content:
Very nicely done. The repetitive line is used effectively in this poem of paradise seen but not attained. You really have captured that sense of longing and desire in your words.

Technical Notes:
Technically, there is nothing to fault. The only weakness I see is that your chosen refrain “Paradise, just a bridge away” doesn’t always flow naturally into the verse you written. It seems almost placed rather than a natural part of the verse… or perhaps I’m just not reading it right

. This is not the easiest of forms and I think you’ve done really well with it.

Overall Rating:

A thoroughly enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your storytelling talents with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3067893

Review of April Cruel's Day

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Thaddeus Buxton Winthrop

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "April Cruel's Day"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
It’s hell being an April fool

Creativity:
I thought the heart of this was clever and found it to be a really interesting write.

Content:
Nice imagery… you take us through the trials and tribulations of being born on April 1st. From youth to today, it’s a burden you’ve borne with varying degrees of acceptance and reaction. I thought you did a good job of capturing those vignettes and crafting your tale.

Technical Notes:
Poetically, the meter was difficult

. The lines – although similar in length – felt awkward at times. It felt like you truncated some of the lines which made reading this difficult and I found myself having to go back a few times to pick up the thread of your tale. I’d work on smoothing the flow of this. (Yeah, I know – easier said than done

Many of us struggle with this.)

Overall Rating:

A thoroughly enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision and your ability to laugh at moments like these with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3067878

Review of Thoughts after Death

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Troika

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Thoughts after Death"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Beware the Ides of March

Creativity:
It seems you enjoyed channeling Julius for this write. I thought it clever and enjoyable.

Content:
The ghost of Caesar haunts your words. The infamous line “Et tu, Bruté?” bookends your poem and sets up the subject nicely. You found good strong images to guide the reader. On the negative side, as you point out, those unfamiliar with the tale might not get the full impact of your words.

Technical Notes:
Poetically, I wish you’d have rhymed or not. When you mix the two, it causes the reader to stumble a bit. Technically, I saw no obvious errors (or unobvious ones either

) Well crafted.

Overall Rating:

A thoroughly enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision of this moment in history with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3067627

Review of The Blue Mustang

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi anastasia beyverhausen

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Blue Mustang"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Revenge and results.

Creativity:
A well used plot but written with great character and good dialogue to keep it fresh.

Content:
I found this a very satisfying story. I’ll admit, it’s a bit “pat”

but I think you kept the moving and interesting by focusing on the relationship between the sisters. You added little details to bring them to life, holding off the twist until the end nicely.

Technical Notes:
I saw no errors. I think the reference to the old saw “Revenge is a dish…” detracted a bit from the story. It’s used so often that it feels like a telegraphed ending… “I know where this is going,” was my first thought. I’d try and avoid common sayings unless you can find a creative way to twist them.

Overall Rating:

A straight forward telling of the story. I thought, overall, that this was an excellent story but a bit too predictable.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3067615

Review of Lost Tears Found

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Hyperiongate

It's just me

and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Lost Tears Found"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A moment of clarity erases a lifetime of mistakes.

Creativity:
I really liked the tack you took with this tale. Easily recognized, the challenge builds the emotional content and suspense.

Content:
I found this a very satisfying story. We all face challenges and choices and you’ve brought that to light in this tale. I’ll admit, it’s a bit “pat”

but I think you kept the focus where it belongs… “Do you really want to do this?” Too bad we can’t remember to ask ourselves that more often.

Technical Notes:
I saw no errors. Well crafted as I’ve come to expect

.

Overall Rating:

A straight forward telling of the story. OK, I’ll admit it… I miss your twist (or is that twisted?) endings LOL. I thought this was an excellent story.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3067209

Review of Contest Entry -8 lines or less-

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Violet Vixen

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Contest Entry -8 lines or less-"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A “sense-able” write

Sorry, couldn’t pass it up.

Creativity:
You ran the senses and found they all told you something about your love… very imaginative approach.

Content:
I like that you used each line as an entre to describe your thoughts and those things about your love that validated your feelings. I’ll admit… tasting the words was a little thin

but still nicely written.

Technical Notes:
My only issue is the use of all the dashes. Typically (I’ve been pinged on this often enough LOL) a dash is used to separate an idea from its summary which this doesn’t. I think a more effective way (just my perception, mind you) might be to use an ellipsis (3 periods) and then italicize the remainder of each line so it would appear as:

I hear you… always singing that song.

An ellipsis can be used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence.
To add italics, simply type curly parenthesis i and curly unp before the word (no spaces since they don’t appear in the text) and the same thing at the end point except add a slash before the I (/i)

Overall Rating:

A short but really enjoyable write that captures your thoughts about someone special in your life. Of all the things you wrote, the last line which incorporates trust is the heart of it. Thank you for sharing this glimpse of your life and your poetic vision.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3066968

Review of The Feet of Angels

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Muriel

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Feet of Angels"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Wonderful little poem… filled with belief.

Creativity:
A totally different view of Angels… and one that strengthens those who believe.

Content:
I love the simple imagery in this. The Angels who carry prayers… those who toil with only compassion as their reward and the tears of the oppressed to cool their labors.

Technical Notes:
Personal preference – rather than dashes, use semicolons. The dash is actually supposed to be followed by a summary of what’s gone before. The semicolon just separates main clauses.

Overall Rating:

In spite of punctuation, I totally enjoyed this unique vision of yours about the unseen and their part in our daily life. A really great read!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3066936

Review of Cygnus

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Iowegian Skye

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Cygnus"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Gorgeous use of words and images.

Creativity:
Superb imagery and dulcet words draw the reader into this multilayered poem.

Content:
I love the complexity of this… the tangential references to both the swan and the constellation with your images of “Cygnus glides on astral ponds.” You have chosen the perfect combination of rhyme, imagery, and rhythm to create a beautiful hymn to nature.

Technical Notes:
Nothing. Nada. Nyet.

This is a terrific display of ultimate craftsmanship.

Overall Rating:

A superb write for the allotted space. A real pleasure to read. This should be the winner, no doubt.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3066529

Review of The Freedom To Play

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Crissy

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Freedom To Play"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Beautifully sad…

Creativity:
I love that you added the notes… It helps put the poem in perspective.

Content:
I love that you (fictionally

) allow your son to be who he is without the pressure to conform to some artificial standard. The ending seemed to imply that he had died and the opening of the chest was a memorial of sorts. I’m not sure that’s what you meant since you didn’t indicate such in your epilogue. It left a very bittersweet feel to the poem.

Technical Notes:
Well crafted, showing the attention and caring you weave into your work.

Overall Rating:

In the end, I thought this was a very sweet poem although I’m still a bit confused over its meaning.

But, poetry is always in the eye of the beholder and like an artist, you paint the canvas and world sees what it will. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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Signature created by our dear talented friend, Kelly1202

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#3066509

Review of All Better Fits

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Ida_Matilda_Wright Help

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "All Better Fits"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a sweet tale of puppy overcoming adversity

Creativity:
Very nicely done! A fresh look at our animal friends and their lives and struggles.

Content:
A whole story – with a very cute and happy ending. Love it! It’s a terrible disease and heartbreaking to watch. I’m glad he came through and – despite his being a puppy – I’m glad he nibbles on your toes

.

Technical Notes:
I think, if you check, you’ll find it’s “parvo” – as in parvo virus – a highly contagious, often fatal viral disease of dogs. The third line has a double word typographical error. “Couldn't take even take a sup.”

Overall Rating:

In the end, I thought this was a very sweet poem about your puppy and his recovery. It sure left me smiling!

Thank you for sharing your poetic story with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3066496

Review of Long Long Time Ago

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi SeanFhear

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Long Long Time Ago"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
The inner workings of the poetic mind

Creativity:
Your thoughts, your process… that makes it unique.

Content:
This is your truth in your words

… A creative image of your muse nicely composed and set to rhyme.

Technical Notes:
Nice images but a bit awkward off the tongue. Your opening line “long, long time ago…” would flow a bit smoother by adding “A”… as in “A long, long, time ago…” very minor changes make all the difference. I typically write my work in a program like MS Word that has both a spell check and a grammar check. This alerts me to fragments and I can choose to let them remain or make changes. This lets me concentrate on my words and meaning and not have to be overly concerned with the technicalities.

Overall Rating:

In the end, I thought this was a very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your poetic vision with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3066483

Review of The Music of Silence!

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Jaiam

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Music of Silence!"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
An ode to silence

Creativity:
I felt that I had read this before although you did integrate a nice rhythm and rhyme which made it feel fresh.

Content:
There is truth in your words

… there is a rhythm and flow to silence that sings to our souls and grants us peace. You’ve captured that feeling very nicely in your melodious words.

Technical Notes:
Technically, a finely crafted poem. No errors seen.

Overall Rating:

I had to read this a few times and go beyond the surface to find the inner meaning. It’s me

not you. In the end, I thought this was a very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing this peaceful moment with me.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3066455

Review of Fearless

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Fearless"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A historical tale in the best sense of the word.

Creativity:
Very well done. I love that you related history to your tale and made it seem natural and plausible.

Content:
You stretched the build up a bit

trying hard not to give away the “big picture” but a worthy attempt. I enjoyed the interplay and your descriptions were spot on. I could picture the tensions and the count down… Adding Jimmy Buffet was a clever way of working the salt-shaker in and I appreciate the cleverness of using “key” is a unique way.

Technical Notes:
Technically, a finely crafted tale.

Overall Rating:

I found this a very enjoyable read and I thought there were several clever twists in working in the key elements. Very nicely done!

Of course, I’m returning your GPs. You know the deal – I don’t accept GPs for reading your work– but I may steal your ideas!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3066419

Review of What the Bird Sees

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi FieldingSound

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "What the Bird Sees"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A wise bird indeed!

Creativity:
I love that you’ve taken a birds-eye view of the word. Cleverly done and a refreshing perspective.

Content:
Nice phrasing and a meaningful message combine to make an eye opening poem.

Technical Notes:
I saw no obvious errors. Well done.

Overall Rating:

A really nice write that was a pleasure to read. I can’t find any fault with this. Well done and thank you for sharing your poetic vision.

PS - I'm returning your autoaward GPs. My reviews are as much for my benefit as yours

.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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871

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3066418

Review of Crush

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi S.Ren

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Crush"

[18+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Passion play

Creativity:
There’s a raw honesty to your words that makes this very refreshing.

Content:
You’ve managed to really weave your feelings into your words, drawing images in the reader’s mind of being overwhelmed by passion. Very effective use of images in such a constrained write.

Technical Notes:
You had me right up until the last two lines

Then two things happened – you lost the focus of your writing… “Liquid love he does erect” lost me completely. It just didn’t make sense to me – I’m sure you had the image in your head but I couldn’t interpret it from this line. The second was you broke your rhyme scheme by using sinful twice. Nothing wrong with that but you had a wonderful rhythm going and it just kind of ended a bit flat for me.

Overall Rating:

Believe it or not, I really saw this as a vampire write

. On the second read, I could see this as a kind of horror write which is not, I believe, what you were going for. Remember that us “outsiders” don’t have access to your internal images and you need to guide us a bit. I think this is a terrific write but I think you ran out of room

.

PS – I’m returning your auto-award GPs. I don’t accept GPs for reading good poetry and this was very enjoyable. I look forward to reading more of you!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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872

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14 days may be credited.

#3063642

Review of Tit For Tat

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Very cleverly writ Jim! It was both entertaining and... enlightening

. Kind of reminded me of Christian of the infamous viral video. Try as I might, there's nothing here to critique. Your form, you technical apects, all are perfect. Excellent tale and a cute ending. Well done.

Ken

873

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3061083

Review of Tommy's Rainbow

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Kiya...

Couldn't just stop at one... had to try your fiction too

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tommy's Rainbow"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A very sweet story... cleverly composed and well told.

Creativity:
"The Man at the End of the Rainbow!" A clever construct to teach the moral of the story and whimsical enough to keep children interested... and parents as they read the tale

Content:
You language is appropriate, involving the sense through sound, vision, and even tactile as "the tear slid down his cheek." Involving the senses makes this more than a simple tale, it brings it to life in the mind of the reader. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
I saw no errors... You are an excellent story teller and your attention shows in the crafting of this warm tale.

Overall Rating:

A captivating tale... a bit predictable at the end but we all love happy endings so you're fogiven

Enchanting tale, well told. Thank you for sharing this with me today...

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
on behalf of:

** Image ID #1525786 Unavailable **
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874

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14 days may be credited.

#3061061

Review of One Last Drive

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi kiyasama

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "One Last Drive"

[13+]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Ohhhhh, spooky

... actually, very nice tale.

Creativity:
The couplet form is really good for this and your tale kept my attention the whole way.

Content:
I like that you told the whole story... from his impatience with all things metaphysical to his ultimate demise. A well told and well paced story.

Technical Notes:
A few broken rhymes (snort/nut, age/strange, etc.) but you kept the pace going and you never lost sight of the story. Nicely done.

Overall Rating:

and a

A very enjoyable tale and a fun read. It's been a while since you were last here and it's always fun to remind you that "this was you then!"

You have a strong story telling ability and I'd love to see what you'd write today. Don't abandon poetry!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
on behalf of:

** Image ID #1525786 Unavailable **
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875

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3056801

Review of Pet Store Friends

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Beck Firing back up!

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Pet Store Friends"

[E]

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Dog - gone!

Sorry, couldn't pass it up.

Creativity:
I love that you took the dog's perspective. Very well done.

Content:
So many clever parts... lots of subtle humor and a great tail...err tale. "Dog-Knows-What" was a brilliant addition. Had me laughing from there on.

Technical Notes:
A couple of minor blemishes... P "Janie's tail between her legs." is not a complete sentence. Missing something. Other than that... spot on. Nicely crafted.

Overall Rating:

A great story and a fun read.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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