🌖 HuntersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

🌖 HuntersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,125 Public Reviews Given

3,266 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

All

776

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#3117530

Review of Winter Solstice

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Arakun the twisted raccoon

Yes, I'm definitely raiding your port

. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Winter Solstice"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
A simple quatrain written in couplets... and a beautiful poem of the cycles of nature.

Creativity:
This was really lovely. It's shortness belies the message within. You use plain language to draw a picture of nature and her endless cycle as winter turns to spring.

Content:
Your metaphorical images - "longest, darkest night", "banish cold as days grow long," - bring the seasons to life by thier actions. A really terrific way to describe this cycle. Well done.

Technical Notes:
Other than a comma at the end of line one, this was perfect - both in content and form.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I would be hard pressed not to rate this a near perfect. You did a wonderful job in expressing so much in such a limited space

. Once again, I thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3117527

Review of Dreamcatcher

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Arakun the twisted raccoon

It's just me, Ken, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Dreamcatcher"

[18+] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
For a mom and grandmom, you do have a dark side - I hope you keep these tales to yourself!

The title grabbed me, having just a touch of Amerind in my family. The story grabbed me. Hmmm - there seems to be a bit of overflow from the story here

Creativity:
What a wonderful twist. I never thought of one "overflowing" but what a great concept.

Content:
Such a short tale but you use your words as brushes and paint exquisite detail with bold strokes. The story is complete (well, except the aftermath

) and the twist delivered perfectly.

Technical Notes:
Great attention to the crafting of this wicked little story. Nothing to improve (except make it longer LOL) and no errors.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A wonderfully devilish tale, well told, and a treat to read. Thank you for sharing this and your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3117054

Review of Ride of your Life

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi aralls

I saw your entry and couldn't pass up the chance to peek

. As long as I'm here, it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Ride of your Life"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Thoughts:
Excellent advice in a unique form!

Creativity:
The form makes this standout - the words make it memorable. Your use of "plain speak" in this free verse recalls much of the sage advice I got in my youth (and, for the most part, ignored

). No complicated metaphors - just clear thoughts that flow from line to line.

Content:
"Relish the sights beyond. / Capture a new view of existence." With these words, you outline the heart of the your poem. Yes, hold on to your faith - but use it to release fear and embrace all that's yet to be. A really well written and efficacious way of "telling it like it is."

Technical Notes:
For the most part, I saw only the hand of a consumate craftsman. You may wish to relook at lines 6 and 12 - I count 7 syllables (which makes you consistent LOL)

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

A thoroughly enjoyable read. Your words and meanings are clear, your intentions well spoken. Thank you for allowing me to read this and for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3115327

Review of Assignment 11

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi ~MorningStorm~

Okay, okay... I'm leaving

Last one, I promise. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Assignment 11"

[E].

First Thoughts:
Writing assignments are often overlooked as "just stuff that gets knocked out and turned in." Some of the best reading I've come across has been in response to an assignment. Case in point... this.

Creativity:
You really have created a wonderful visit to the bookstore within this write. Your ability to describe the details make this jump from the page into the readers mind.

Content:
You tell of a visit to bookstore... as we enter, the people of your world come to life as we see them, hear the sounds of the strore, even smell the traces of lavender in a quiet corner. You engage all the senses and really carry us with you on your journey.

Technical Notes:
Another well crafted story. I didn't see any obvious spelling or grammar edits. What I did notice is that between paragraphs 3 and 4 you switched from past tense to present. There is some minor switching even within sentences such as in paragraph 6 where you write In the corner of my eye I see a tall, lanky guy in slick, black rimmed glasses and a blue dress shirt (all present tense) that complimented (past tense) his dark slacks. Just read through again and listen for the tenses... not a difficult fix.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

The tenses are an easy fix. On the whole, this was an excellent example of descriptive writting and creating a space for a story to occur in. I really enjoyed visiting the store with you. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3115314

Review of Blood Secrets: Part 3

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi MS

Just when you thought it was safe to come back to your port (LOL)… It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Blood Secrets: Part 3"

[13+].

First Thoughts:
Hmmm. I shouldn’t have started at Part 3

I’m not a fan of Vampire tales but I found this very compelling and interesting. Now I’m going to have to circle back and read the rest.

Creativity:
Your tale of a hybrid vampire and her struggle to find herself makes this a really good story. It was easy to pick up the storyline and your characters are well developed. The “heroes” are engaging and the villain is just arrogant enough that you dislike him from his introduction.

Content:
Your use of descriptions are very good in setting the scene and it was easy to envision the locations, adding a sense of reality to your story. The heroine, Evelyn, is fully formed and, as the story teller, is a compelling figure. This part starts after her “adoption” into a group of vampires and ends with the revelation that her dead mother lives. The dialogue was excellent and the interaction of characters read naturally. I enjoyed finally making the connection between the title and the story as the blood secret was revealed.

Technical Notes:
This was a well written and technically solid work. I saw only a few minor corrections needed.
*Paragraph 2 – you write It surprised when they were fairly easy on me. Either “I was surprised…” or “It surprised me…”
*Paragraph 12 – you write I figured he must look really good without that shirt off. I suspect you meant “with his shirt off.”

In the same paragraph you mention his hair “wavering” in the breeze. I’m not sure “waver” is the word you were looking for.
*Paragraph 30 – you write "Of course." He replied sweetly. Rather than two statements, I think it would flow better to combine them as “Of course,” he replied sweetly.

In the rooftop scene you write Mostly, I don’t have trouble telling what you’re feeling; but your eyes tend to give you away anyway.” This just seemed contradictory to me – I’ve reread it several times and sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn’t. Just something for you to look at.

In the following paragraph, however, you write of “butterflies buzzing.” I’m pretty sure they flutter but they don’t make noise.

At the end of the rooftop scene you write I averted his gaze. I believe you meant “my gaze.”

In the paragraph beginning “Jonathan and Julian continued to face each other as the ten vampires…” you write The other members of the household seemed to fair just as well.. I believe you meant “fare just as well.”

In the paragraph beginning “I nervously looked towards Julian’s hands” you wrote I tasted different than… and meant “It tasted…”

In the paragraph beginning “Julian sighed dramatically” you use the French expression say la vie. Actually, it’s c'est la vie.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

This is a terrific tale. You keep the action moving, you make the scenes and dialogue relatable and natural, and you add a few little surprises to keep the reader wanting more. A really enjoyable read! Thank you for reintroducing me to this genre… I will be back to read the rest!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3115164

Review of Chick Flick Quiz

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Morning

Yep, it's me again - Ken. It is my pleasure to both read, play, and comment on your work "Chick Flick Quiz"

[13+].

First impression:
Well, I'm proud to say I only scored 60%

. This is the first quiz I've ever reviewed and it surprised me how much attention to detail and thought is actually required to put one together. I've a new respect for this form and, yes, it is a form of writing.

Creativity:
Chick flicks, huh?

Well, I must admit that they say work from your strengths and you seem to really enjoy this.

Content:
I appreciate that you spanned the whole gamut of the genre from the old flicks (My Fair Lady) through more modern films (Ghost Story}.

Technical Notes:
Again, you showed care in crafting this. No errors of any kind noted. I liked that you ordered this chronologicaly but not obsessively so

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

For my first "quiz," I must admit that I really enjoyed this. (Of course, I'll deny it if questioned - Chick Flicks LOL) Thank you for introducing me to this unique form and for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3115134

Review of The Dragon Builders

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi ~MorningStorm~

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Dragon Builders"

[ASR].

First impression:
The idea of "reinventing a dragon" is a broad one and I think you did a great job in imagining this clever tale.

Creativity:
I really enjoyed this tale of a young man, seeking to find himself, and his confrontation with a dragon that's endangering his village. You've taken an atypical approach in imagining that the dragon is a ruse being perpetrated on the backwards people for some undescribed gain.

Content:
The tale itself is told totally from an outsider's or narrator's view. This has the drawback of keeping the reader outside as well. Your story is sound, well thought out, and well told. I really think it would benefit from making this more personal - say from the hero's point of view. The addition of dialogue and the internal thoughts of the hero would transform this from a well told tale. Alternately, you could keep the story but make it from a storyteller's point of view - recounting this tale around a campfire in trade for supper. There's a moral to this that would be a great foil against a period backdrop. As for the story itself, as told, it would have been nice to add just a bit about the motivations of the "dragon builders." I did have a curiousity about why they would do this to a small backward village... perhaps a hidden treasure or to build up the dragon's existence so they could extort a ransom from a larger town or nearby castle? Just random thoughts

Technical Notes:
I thought this was written very well. I saw no obvious errors in grammar, spelling, or punctuation. You've shown a genuine care for the crafting of this. Really well done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

Personally, I never made the connection to the characters and I think that there was an aloofness to the story. That said, the core tale was excellent and the writing solid if not exciting. I do hope that you come back to this and add a layer that will allow the reader to get inside this tale. Thank you for an enjoyable read and for sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3113542

Review of Winter's March

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Becks Mitchell

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Winter's March"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

First Impression:
I love form poetry - both its exacting requirements and the challenge it provides. This is a difficult form in my mind combining a feel of free verse with the need for rhyme. In this case, you tell of July "down under" which I found fascinating since I live in the mirror image zone

Creativity:
The form certainly lends to the fresh feel of this but it's your words and perspective that make this so interesting. I appreciate that you threw in a bit of history too ("the emperor’s namesake"

).

Content:
Nice phrasing keeps this flowing smoothly (after the refrain

) as you tell of the impending winter ravages that occur in July. Your tie in to nature and the natural cycle of seasons is direct and really puts this in a wonderful perspective.

Technical Notes:
I saw no errors whatsoever. Well crafted, well done!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

This was very interesting and enjoyable read. Thank you so much for sharing your view of world and your talent with me today!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3112687

Review of Damaged Goods

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with TEN 4 TEN SUMMER REViEWING WOR...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi ShellySunshine

It's just me, Ken

, and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Damaged Goods"

[E].

First impression:
The title was what first attracted me to this. We've all known (or felt) "damaged goods." Since I'm a poetry fan, how could I pass up a chance to assuage my curiosity and enjoy your poetry?

My first impression is that this was written for a child. You leave it up to the reader to determine who you're talking about... a family member, a lover, or just to yourself.

Creativity:
Written as free verse, you've packed this with strong emotions... the need to protect and strength of your love come through very strong. It also has strong overtones of a strong committment to the subject. You're not giving up, no matter what. I found that very compelling.

Content:
Your use of strong imagery such as "I will cover you with light" and references to a "broken mirror" really grip the reader with emotional feelings. I guess, for me, the ambiguity of who this is written for leaves me with a vague feeling of incompleteness. I feel as if I should know but I don't. You could handle this by simply adding a note or by affirmation within the context of the poem. Perhaps it's the ambiguity that makes parts of this feel a bit awkward. Phrasing such as "I will not let you down that dark and dirty road" give rise to conflicting feelings. Are you saying "I will support you" or "I will prevent you from going?" I'm just not sure - and it could be just my reading of it. I know you had a strong image in your mind when you wrote this but I'm not sure it fully translated into this line.

Technical Notes:
Your use of language is terrific in creating the emotional content of this powerful poem. There are no errors that I saw. A well crafted piece that reflects attention of a true poet.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

This is such a commanding write and I could feel the strong emotions in your words. You've created a wonderful affirmation of love and support. What I felt was a mother Lion protecting her cub. I love the vision you've created and I am appreciative of you sharing your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more. I hope that you found this useful.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3111603

Review of Winter Break

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi HayleyRae

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Winter Break"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E]. You and I are also buddies in the UENG Soiree

. Since I'm primarily into poetry, I thought I'd start with your poems as a way to get to know you

.

First impression:
A lament to the "sudden end" of the Winter semester.

Creativity:
The couplet form works well with this. I'm sure many will relate to your feelings... many things in life require great effort and then the goal is reached but the mind keeps going

. Funny - it doesn't just happen at school.

Content:
You tell of the end of the semester... the screens blank, the books closed - it's all over but the shouting (or so the cliche goes) and yet the intense focus (I do believe it's called cramming LOL) isn't broken... you need time to wind down and so you set the next goal - Winter break. Good imagery lets the reader peer over your shoulder and vicariously live this time with you.

Technical Notes:
I saw no obvious errors. Well written and clear.

Poeticially, the meter is inconsistent moving from five to fifteen syllables per line. This makes it hard to find a rhythm that most rhymed poetry seeks to help the reader flow and move with the words. You did, however, go with perfect rhymes which does help the flow. The hanging last line (e.g. a single line in a series of couplets) is unusual but I think effective in focusing the reader on your "fate."

Overall Rating:

and a

I really enjoyed this. Your words recall times like that in my own life and there's a sense of "thank God it's over" in your words that brought a real smile to my face. I noted that you mostly write stories and this was a "really short story" in rhyme. Well done. Thank you for allowing me to share this time with you.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more. I'm returning your GPs - reading your work was reward enough.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3110701

Review of Child's Play

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi JACE

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Child's Play"

[E] as part of the Talent Pond's "Talent Pond's Spring/Summer Spectacular!"

[E].

Please note: Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
You've discoverd that the difference between young and old is not that much. Perhaps one is just a wrinkled carbon copy of the other?

Creativity:
You've focused on the similarities and in the parallels you've found an ironic humor that made me (and most readers I suspect) smile with knowing recognition.

Content:
You've written this in free verse. I suspect that this is a close to crossing the line into prose that I've come across

. I didn't get the "rhytmic cadence" or "poetic feel" that is indicative of vers libre. In spite of that, the humor and warmth of this is not lost in the comparative lines as you progress from childhood inwards then reversing as you travel outbound through senior life. It's the pattern that I thinks keeps this (barely

) in the poetic realm.

Technical Notes:
I saw no errors in the technical aspects of this amusing tale. I'm not a big fan of "spatial" writing but since you used it, perhaps consider using a mirror image - that is instead of repeating the pattern, reverse it to support the parallel phrasing. Just a thought.

Overall Rating:

and a

In the words of Browning, "Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be. The last of life, for which the first was made." The linkage between youth and old age has long been recognized and as you so humorously point out, so it will continue to be. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, a smile, and your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3110431

Review of Natural Order

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Just an Ordinary Boo!

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Natural Order"

[13+] on behalf of the Rising Stars.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A story of nature's struggle to provide and man's need to take without thought.

Creativity:
There is a flavor of the uncommon to this - a perspective from a place far from the familiar to most readers - that makes this very engrossing.

Content:
You tell of the Earth mother, her care in the nurturing and sustenance of the plants and flowers that feed our bodies and souls. Beautiful imagery graces your poem bringing the brilliance of another place to this such as "Saffron treasures spread, to blooms far and wide." Your use of color and your notes relating the colors to your home country add many dimensions to this.

Technical Notes:
I saw no obvious errors. To the western ear, some of the phrasing is a bit awkward but the meaning and lessons contained are not impaired. In fact, it added to the "flavor" of this.

Overall Rating:

I really enjoyed this... I thought you captured the feeling of earth's continuing struggle with man and did an excellent job of imparting the lesson to the reader. Thank you for sharing this vision of nature and your talents with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3110070

Review of Underestimated

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi percy goodfellow

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Underestimated"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A surprise run in with a skateboard girl.

Creativity:
Very nice take on the prompt. Totally outside of the typical reaction. Very interesting and captivating. Good job!

Content:
You tell of a girl who "borrows" your skateboard and then backs up her bravado with action. You use active words - "mounting on the fl," and "flipped the board around" to bring the action to the reader. I'm going to assume that her final "exploding" refers to here performance and not a literal disaster

.

Technical Notes:
I saw no errors. This is a well crafted poem. I didn, however, note a form break. Your last line has seven syllables (like - fi -er -works - in - Ju - ly). You may not have noticed but when you post a static item, there are two ratings you give - the first is for the "teaser" at the top and the second is for the poem's content. You didn't rate the poem itself so it automatically is restricted to 18 and above. This is a simple edit. Don't want to limit your readers

.

Overall Rating:

and a

This was definitely outside the typical "July - box"

. Creative and fun, I really like the theme and feel of this. A minor correction in form and this will definitely be a strong contender. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3110038

Review of Memories

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Connie...

I promise not to harrass you anymore (at least for now LOL). It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Memories"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Warm memories of your youth and a special friendship.

Creativity:
These are your memories... how much more "creative" can they be?

Actually, I found your style - which tended to meander a bit - very much like memory. It was interesting to watch the connections as well as read the results.

Content:
You tell of a memory from 1960 (Hey - that's my era LOL) and a vacation with your best friend. I found that the story tended to wander a bit - like the vagrant thoughts of a mind - and that the story was more in the general nature of your friendship with Sandra than in any specific event.

Technical Notes:
My overall rating was less about the tale than the telling

. For example, the first paragraph:
"It was the spring of 1960 and I was in the tenth grade. Sandra (and-delete), I and her parents were on our way to Oak Orchard for a week’s break from school. They had a small vacation home there which they used for getaways (,-delete comma) and they were nice enough to take me along." There are many little errors which, in total, distract a bit from the story's flow and readability.

Overall Rating:

I really loved the idea of this. It was a gentle, warm, and very personal tale of a memory that obviously means a lot to you. The wistful telling adds an element of loss to the story and enhances the melancholy feel of this. A little work on the technical side and this jewel will shine. A very enjoyable read! Thank you for sharing this with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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#3110028

Review of A Flower's Journey

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi An apple a day....

Well, I'm back again (LOL). It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Flower's Journey"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
As advertised

- A flower's journey.

Creativity:
Very interesting write. I enjoy reading from unusal perspectives and I think you've captured the essence (no pun intended) of the journey.

Content:
You tell of the journey of a flower - from it's comfortable home to it's new found freedom. You've painted some very nice imagery in this... I enjoyed the flower's concept of itself as "art." You've used personification in its classic sense in this vivid poem capturing the disconcerting feeling of being moved, planted, and finally finding a home. A richly woven tale.

Technical Notes:
A few meter issues which make a few lines awkward off the tongue. One eye rhyme (zinnia/gardenia). Overall, however, I thought you did excellent. No obvious errors - solid rhymes - and an engrossing tale.

Overall Rating:

I don't think you've achieved perfection but this is very close and worthy of a top rating. I found the poem solid on all levels and - more importantly - it was a fun and enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing this unique vision and your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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14 days may be credited.

#3108848

Review of TEARS OF WAR

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi dannoden

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "TEARS OF WAR"

[13+] on behalf of the Rising Stars.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A heroic tale of battle and it's human cost.

Creativity:
I really like the tercet monorhyme; it made the poem move. The unrhymed final line works well as a point of emphasis.

Content:
You tell of a great battle, from the first salvo of arrows until the final victory... and it's cost.. You paint strong images of the battle, pulling the reader into your tale. The only "improvement" I could think of would have been a strengthening of the ending.... "crying like a babe." works but I think you passed up a chance to really get to the emotions of the hero... tears for brothers lost, tears for the enormous cost, tears for a line that has been crossed, and a future bathed in blood.

Technical Notes:
A few slant rhymes (battlefield/wield/feel) and eye rhymes (forth/north/worth) but nothing that detracts from the feel and flow. I saw no obvious errors. Well done!

Overall Rating:

and a

A really great write - that captures the adrenaline of the battle and the heartbreak of realization that the cost is too high. A really enjoyable read! Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

(I'm returning your auto GPs - reading this was reward enough

)

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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792

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14 days may be credited.

#3107912

Review of Have You Ever?

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Miss Newly Made Yellow

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Have You Ever?"

[E] on behalf of the Rising Stars.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Ohhhh multisensory

What a great concept!

Creativity:
Very creative in your approach, you switch senses around in this fun write.

Content:
Hear with your eyes, see with your ears... not a totally foreign concept. I was little disappointed that you didn't include the other senses a well... I've "tasted" with my eyes and smelled textures... But the concept of this is playfull with serious overtones challenging the reader to step outside the box and try something new. Well done.

Technical Notes:
I think the meter throws the flow off a bit. You vary from 14 to 9 syllables and I think you could even it out without much effort.
The couplet form works well with this and your rhymes are all perfect. Not much to say when you write as well you do

.

Overall Rating:

and a

This was amusing, fun, and actually challenging. I've always believed that a poem isn't finished until it's been read and you allow the reader to imagine along with you and become part of the poem. Thank you for sharing this fun write and your terrific talent with me today.

(I'm sending back your GPs - reading this was reward enough

)

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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793

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14 days may be credited.

#3107610

Review of Itchy

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi An apple a day....

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Itchy"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
LOL - a wonderful bit of sensible nonsense

Creativity:
The repetition of "itchy" - like the itch itself - almost drives one crazy - but it works so well!

Content:
You've created a litany of itchy sources and their impact on your mental state. Beyond the obvious, you've used some very clever phrasing that will make a reader smile. "Itchy ivy poisons you" is my favorite

Really well done and a fun read.

Technical Notes:
I saw nothing in error - only praise.

Overall Rating:

Quirky, cute, and a truely enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing a smile and your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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14 days may be credited.

#3107535

Review of Outstretched Arms

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Stephens burnt toast

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Outstretched Arms"

[E] on behalf of the Rising Stars.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
A beautiful, gentle write about an Autumn moment and memory.

Creativity:
I really enjoy these "slice of life" poems. They resonate within and bring back those moments when time stopped and existence ruled.

Content:
You write of a moment in time when you were able to stop and just enjoy "being." Those moments are rare and your images are strong and sharp and engage the reader. I'm sure many will identify with your poem and find that peaceful moment in their memories. Well done.

Technical Notes:
A few minor technical observations - mostly around possessive case and the need for apostrophes. Line one Autumn's chill; line 7 nature's voice; line 14 nature's gift; line 16 nature's perfume. In the final stanza, a comma would help to understand if you're saying "the joy of living gracefully..." or "the joy of living..." Regardless, this in no way detracts from the overall peacefullness of this poem.

Overall Rating:

and a

This was a very enjoyable respite from the broken hearts and other heavy topics that so often become the focus of poetry (or so it seems

). Thank you for sharing this wonderful write and your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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795

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14 days may be credited.

#3107512

Review of Beneath The Surface

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Mark C ~ 9 years on WDC!

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Beneath The Surface"

[E] on behalf of the Rising Stars.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
An emotional but, in the end, a positive write.

Creativity:
Free verse works well with this... you've kept the "poetic feel" necessary for a successful write. Your words and images are very powerful and this reads very smooth.

Content:
You write of the doubt and struggles of each day. Your imagery is exceptional as in your opening "Softly drowning in hard water." You set the tone for the poem from the start. As you progress through your write, the emotional content builds darkly but you bring out the "never give up" ending with your inscription:

"On days like this
every breath is a struggle,
an achievement;
an act of defiance.."

Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
I saw no errors and think this is perfect just the way it is

Overall Rating:

I note this was written a while ago... I do hope you feel better by now

Seriously, this was a powerfully emotional write - one I'm sure we all can feel a certain amount of identity with. Thank you for sharing this dark vision, positive outlook, and mostly - your talent with me today.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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796

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14 days may be credited.

#3107448

Review of A few rough edges ~

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Kate - Writing & Reading

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A few rough edges ~"

[E] on behalf of the Rising Stars.

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
No rough edges here

Creativity:
I love the layers of meaning in your poem... It's amazing how much you put in such a small space.

Content:
You tell of both a treehouse recalled from youth and the aging process... We're never finished and yet we can withstand the storms of life and remain standing. Your use of enjambment really adds the sense of newness to the refrain, recasting the lines in new light and meaning. A beautiful write.

Technical Notes:
So many think the Triolet and similar forms are confining but you've shown that intelligence and understanding of the form highlight the versatility that achieveable. I saw no errors - only points of praise

Overall Rating:

A beautiful flowing poem with layers of meaning. A joy to read. Thank you so much for sharing this and your talent... (I note this is a few years old - now you're going to make me come look and goad you into writing more if you've slacked off

).

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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797

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14 days may be credited.

#3106641

Review of ENOUGH

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi COUNTRYMOM

My name is Ken (but you knew that

) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "ENOUGH"

[ASR].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
The expression of a tormented soul...

Creativity:
I like the form and repeat of the opening and closing lines. A very effective and powerful device.

Content:
You tell of the soul who, realizing that it can take no more, cries out. There is a point when we realize that our current course only carries us further from our goals. It takes the pain of realization to motivate us; it takes the strength of courage to move us. You've captured this wonderfully in this dark write.

Technical Notes:
A bump or two in rhythm is smoothed over by the intensity of this. You wrap the reader in your dark mantle and pull us into this world of vulnerability. Nicely done.

Overall Rating:

Congratulations on well deserved recognition. This is a really great poem that captures the lost and hurt feelings that we all share at some time. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today...

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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798

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14 days may be credited.

#3106628

Review of THE BARDS CONVENTION

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi DRSmith

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "THE BARDS CONVENTION"

[13+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a monumental write!

You've woven so many characters into a wonderfully humorous and cohesive poem. Truely amazing effort!

Creativity:
How you envisioned this is beyond me. It's brilliantly conceived and executed.

Content:
There's too much here to do justice in a few words.From Horace to Shakespeare to John Donne... all the masters are here as are their styles of poetry. Fascinating read. Knowing a bit of history, their antics are in total keeping with their personas and you've managed to bring out their humanity and insanity in a fabulous write.

Technical Notes:
I must admit that mixing quatrains, tercets, and alternate rhyme schemes works far beyond what I first thought. I saw nothing to improve and can offer only praise for this wonderful write.

Overall Rating:

Congratulations on first place. It is well deserved.

(I'm returning your GPs - reading this was reward enough

)

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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799

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14 days may be credited.

#3106599

Review of One Summer Night

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Jim...

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "One Summer Night"

[18+].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
Another of your goulish tales - a bit telegraphed

but I couldn't stop reading it! Great job as always.

Creativity:
You build the suspense and even suspecting what was coming - you kept me enthralled with great images and characters.

Content:
You tell the tale of childhood friends who make a strange discovery. Your images are clear - almost like watching a film - and the interactions of Ross, Elvin, and Echo are natural and familiar feeling. I don't want to give away the ending so I'll avoid detail but the story moved along with a nice suspenseful build up... even to the dark night. Your ending was terrific and totally believable. Just a really excellent write.

Technical Notes:
Technically, this is perfect. You show a real consideration for your craft in the excellent way you create your story. There was a plot hiccup (perhaps - now that I'm thinking about it). If Elvin was the perpetrator - why would he have revisited that spot with his friends and risked exposure? Just an odd thought that struck me as I was reflecting on this.

Overall Rating:

A wonderful tale of suspense and mystery. I do enjoy your imagination and your excellent tales. You never disappoint LOL. Thanks for sharing this...

(GPs are returned, as per our agreement LOL)

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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14 days may be credited.

#3106583

Review of July

Review by 🌖 HuntersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi aralls

It's just me

coming to peek at your poetry once more. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "July"

[E].

Please note: This is the typical caveat about how these are my impressions. Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It doesn’t matter what I say - of course you’ll take this personally but it’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

First impression:
What a warm memory you've shared with us.

Creativity:
I really like the tack you took with this... It's not another Independence Day poem - it's about a different kind of freedom found

Content:
You tell of the summer's of youth, the inner joy and freedom of warm summer's days, and the magic of finding someone special. A warm tale in an awkward form - and you manage to make it flow naturally so that the reader isn't even award of the form. Exceptionally well done.

Technical Notes:
OK - you snuck in an identical rhyme - using the same word to rhyme with itself but with a different meaning. I certainly can't fault you for that

and applaud your effort. Everything else was perfect.

Overall Rating:

I thought you did wonderful with this form and created a beautiful tale of young love and summer. Thank you for sharing your vision and your talent with me today. Well done!

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken
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