🌝 HowlersMoon's (huntersmoon) Reviews

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Ode to my Favorite Cities

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Altered Life

Winning The Lottery isn't always all it's cracked up to be

Image folder

Images I use in various projects.

READ A NEWBIE

The Stone Confidants

This poem personifies the walls as silent, eternal listeners and keepers of human secrets.

Silence: A love bite

This story was never meant to be written. First part of 5 short story series 'Silence'.

Switchel in the Jar

A Nautical Rendition of the Irish Ballad “Whiskey in the Jar”

Boredom

Short description of how I feel about boredom

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Miss Zuzu Petals

"This job will take everything from you, but it takes just one dog to return it."

Mutiny

There's a mutiny afoot.

In The Manner Of: Jane Austen

Written for: In The Manner Of Contest. Jane Austen is my character I am using.

Memento

the old bridge in the creek we played in

Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/huntersmoon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/32

🌝 HowlersMoon

Review Requests: OFF

3,208 Public Reviews Given

3,349 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest but encouraging

I use an outline (form)to make sure I've covered all the bases but within that, it's pure dialogue. Let's talk about your write.

I'm good at...

Short Stories and better at Poetry

Favorite Genres

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Public Reviews

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776

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3265558

Review of Red Door Road

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Jay Bradley

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Red Door Road"

[E] on behalf of "Invalid Item"

First Impression/Thoughts:
An interesting fantasy - although it's a bit undefined, it read well. I found myself adding my own meanings to it to help place it in context making if feel interactive.

Creativity/Impact:
I really enjoyed the mystery of this and that kept me reading. Nice imagery in your phrasing.

Content:
You describe a mysterious door that the central character (undefined) passed each day. His fascination and love/hate relationship with what it stood for provides the conflict that builds suspense. The span of the tale seems to be a lifetime and, in the end, the central character finds the determination to go beyond what is seen into the unknown. From a story perspective, you left a lot to the reader. He seemed to know what the door was but we never find out. He had both a fascination and a fear of the door and again, we never fully understand that. Even the conclusion was left without closure for the reader.

Technical Notes:
Actually, I think for story this long, you did really well. A few minor notes: In the opening line you write "...me thinks that door doth mocked me." Tense issue: should read "mock." In paragrah 2 you write "..Just then, a withering, old man "... I think you meant "withered" unless you meant he was dessicating something

. In paragraph 3 you end it with "... take another route to reach the familiar fog." There really wasn't anything that explained what the fog was and why he was going to it. There were following references to it but - like fog I guess - it seemed to have just appeared and I found myself wondering about its signficance.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I think you've created a unique tale here based on the prompt. If you're like me, you probably saw this story in your mind (visually) and translated it to the page. Remember that the reader doesn't have access to all the nuances of your mind and so when you go back and read, try to see it from a reader's point of view and not the author's LOL. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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777

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3265442

Review of Decision

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi MissingAnarchy

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Decision"

[13+] on behalf of "Invalid Item"

First Impression/Thoughts:
A really touching and powerful tale well told.

Creativity/Impact:
You've taken one of many divisive subjects and treated it with respect and compassion. The story was excellent as was the telling - you kept the suspense all the way to end and my attention as well.

Content:
You tell to two friends - one needing to make a life altering decision and the other needing to be there - from loyalty, from love. You write from a truely human perspective - not allowing the "decision" to overwhelm the story nor to minimize the choices facing the central character. Well done!

Technical Notes:
If I had one comment to make, it would be that you tend to write in a passive voice which I think lessens the impact of your work (I know of what I speak - I do it all the time myself

). For example, you write "Sarah, who was neither listening or responding, stared at the entrance ..." instead of "Sarah wasn't listening or responding. She stared, trance-like, at the entrance ..." I only point this out to make you aware of it.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A really well told tale, full of emotion and suspense. Thank you for sharing your imagination and obvious talent with me today. I'm returning your GPs - both because I'm judging this and it wouldn't be right to accept them and because I need no other inducements - your story was reward enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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778

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3261597

Review of Survivor

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Melfiina

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Survivor"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
A survior's tale to be sure but more than that - a message of hope for all those who currently are fighting this dread disease.

Creativity/Impact:
I appreciate that you took "a small slice" of the our subject's day which allowed you build up the picture of the morning. Nice imagery and phrasing.

Content:
You describe the "first day of the rest of her life" as a cancer survivor. You wrote this entirely as a narrative, never mentioning her name. This keeps the reader outside of the story. I think you could add impact by moving the reader into the story a bit by changing this from a character to a person. The other suggestion I would make is to add senses. This was primarily visual - what about the taste of the first day, the smell of the first day? Adding sense information also tends to help readers get into the story.

Technical Notes:
A couple of minor considerations: I think there's a typo in the first line of paragraph 2 - "owned" instead of "owner." In paragraph 4 you write "The only sign of life were birds..." There's a conflict between singular "sign" and multiple "birds." I suggest changing it to "signs." Finally, in the last paragraph you write "mass of emotion" which needs to be "emotions" and in the last sentence "... letting it usher her in to her ..." should be "into" which indicates movement and typically answers the question "where."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A nicely told story of hope and the promises that tomorrow always holds. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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779

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3255335

Review of Love Always Forgives

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Nicki_Mist

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Love Always Forgives"

[13+] as part of "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest"

[13+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Nicely done - you've captured a complete story from the image.

Creativity/Impact:
I like that you didn't go with the obvious - you dove into the "back story" and brought out the story within the image and not just the surface impressions.

Content:
You tell of a couple who - like most of us

- had an argument. In anger, he leaves and she worries. You conclude with a happy ending. Simple language creates the images that you've woven into this tale of love and it's ability to forgive. I noted that in S1L5 that you used the word "weeped" which is not a word

... present tense would we "weep" - past tense would be "wept."

Technical Notes:
Other than noted, I think you did well with an awkward form. I saw nothing else to comment on.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A well told tale using a difficult form. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. Well done.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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780

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3254147

Review of Serene Beauty

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi aralls

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Serene Beauty"

[E] as part of "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest"

[13+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
A beautiful poetic expression of love ...

Creativity/Impact:
A unique form and flowing verse combine to bring the reader into the image. Well done.

Content:
The poet sees his love asleep and expresses his feelings of love... nice imagery sets the scene and well chosen language illustrates his passion and emotions. An engaging read.

Technical Notes:
Both in form and technical content, this was perfect.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

There is a softness in your words that seem to capture the slumbering image and transports the reader into the moment. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. Very well done.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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781

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3251385

Review of Channel Blocker

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Channel Blocker"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Too funny, Jim. Your wonderful sense of the absurd shines in this! I so appreciate the ending ROFL

Creativity/Impact:
Your creative descriptions are totally unique. "Disgruntled onion" is so perfect. I'm sure this is the winner for the day!

Content:
You tell of a family with at least one member who channels (no pun intended - OK, maybe it was LOL) whatever he sees on T.V. The humor shines as he recites a list of plans all engendered by various channels as his wife ticks off her cancellation plans. Too darn funny.

Technical Notes:
Ah haa! At last! Two issues to bring to your attention. You have two paragraphs that run together. You need to add a space. And - the piece de resistance - you mispelled "buy" in paragraph 6 - "I could by me some..." See what happens when you rush?

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

This is so brilliant that a typo doesn't diminish it in the least. This is a "must read" for anyone needing a laugh - and we all do these days. Thank you for the laugh - It's very much appreciated.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

Don’t forget to vote! "Invalid Item"

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782

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3249818

Review of Precious Cargo

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Precious Cargo"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Another clever twist, finding ways to use the prompts in a (mostly) non-literal way.

Creativity/Impact:
I, for one, appreciate how you weave your stories to include the prompts without resorting to the mundane. A clever conceived tale that held my attention - not just for the story value but also to see how you'd work in cocoa

Content:
You tell the story of a future galactic space port and the "backward" humans with their "precious cargo." Seen through the eyes of the port master, Astra, you paint a wonderful picture of this distant time and introduce us to the variety of species that we may one day encounter. As ususal, your ending is both humorous and enlightening. A true "eye of the beholder" moment.

Technical Notes:
Do I even need to comment?

One day I will find something - but not today.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I never tire of your imaginative tales. Once again, my thanks for keeping me entertained and helping me see beyond the obvious.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

Don’t forget to vote! "Invalid Item"

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783

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3249626

Review of God's Snowball

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "God's Snowball"

[13+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Brilliant as always... a great tale, well told. I loved the ending - perfect! In fact, it was "good to the last..."

Creativity/Impact:
While mostly narrative (a pitfall of the 300 word limit) you managed to capture this reader's imagination and pulled me into the story.

Content:
You tell of the near-end of the world - or at least the end of man's involvement with the world. One man see's the truth and prepares and leaves a legacy of hope.

Technical Notes:
Try as I might - I could find nothing to tease you about! This was a complete well written story in every sense of the word.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

How could I rate this less?

Wonderfully engaging and a teriffic read! Thank you for sharing your wonderful imagination and talent with me.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

Don’t forget to vote! "Invalid Item"

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784

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3245702

Review of Gazing

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Ja-Ja-JINX

My name is Ken (you didn't think you'd escape, did you?

) – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Gazing"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Finding peace on a cross-country ski trip. Nice strong imagery - from the exertion of skiing to finding a respite in the solitude of a moment's discovery.

Creativity/Impact:
The rhymes of this form are very subtle and add the poetic feel to what otherwise would be viewed as vers libre. You tell a complete story with this that engages the reader and takes the common place from mundane to magic.

Content:
Great use of the senses. From the "pants, wet with sweat and caked with ice" to "breath hanging like clouds." You bring the reader into this poem as a participant - not just an observer. My only suggestion would be your final line - "our senses gazing." Since "gazing" is such a visual word, it struck me as a mixed metaphor when combined with "senses". What jumped into my mind was "in silence, praising." I have no idea why LOL. I understand the tie-in to your title and I have no suggestions. I think it could stand alone without being used in the poem itself.

Technical Notes:
Minor technical suggestions only - such as a comma needed at the end of line 1. You might want to also consider a semicolon at the end of line 1, stanza 4 since you have two complete sentences without a conjunction. Nothing I saw detracts in the least from the content and story you tell. A solid write and perfect form.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A difficult form, masterfully used to draw the reader into this moment of discovery. I thought the poem worked well. Thank you for sharing your imagination and your talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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785

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3245399

Review of Frozen Eden

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi aralls

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know LOL) – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Frozen Eden"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Bravo! What a wonderful write that find the peace and tranquility of the image and brings it off the page to the reader's senses.

Creativity/Impact:
Tough form

deftly handled. The rhyme is subtle and this reads almost story like in form, carrying the reader down the beautiful path you've woven with your words.

Content:
You write (based on the prompt) of "a haven of nature" and it's wonderful aspects. Nothing arcane - simple words flow in the beautiful imagery to carry the reader to this place you've created.

Technical Notes:
The form was perfect - difficult - but perfectly executed. The write was flawless in all aspects.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Well done! What a really terrific write with an unusal form. Thank you for sharing your imaginatin and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1631053 Unavailable **
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786

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3245150

Review of William Tell-ish

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Hyperiongate

Blah, blah, blah - you know the drill LOL. My name is Ken – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "William Tell-ish"

[13+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
A very witty and well told tale of school shenanigans... love your descriptions! You are the master of understatement! LOL

Creativity/Impact:
Great weaving of the prompts into a schoolyard tale of kids being kids. It was totally engaging.

Content:
Love how you write! You use the language of the kids to paint a great picture of this moment in time. From "gigantic breasts" on lunch ladies (ahhh, I remember her well LOL) to the fainting Eddie, you weave your magic into this wonderful short.

Technical Notes:
Give me a break

This is - as ususal - well concieved, well written, and especially well received!

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

Another great tale from your imaginative mind. Thanks for sharing this bit of reality based whimsy with me today. Excellent!

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1631053 Unavailable **
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787

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3244840

Review of Memories of a time that wasn’t bad

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Lew

My name is Ken – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Memories of a time that wasn’t bad"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
A poem of lost love, of pain, of searching for release.

Creativity/Impact:
I thought you brought out true emotion in this write and made a really good attemp at using the English Sonnet form.

Content:
You write of losing love - through your own actions; of the pain it gives you, of your desire for release. Strong emotional images make this readily identifiable to most readers. I applaud your rhymes although I'm not sure "satiated" is the right word you were looking for - it actually means satisifed to the point of boredom.

Technical Notes:
A Shakespearean, or English, sonnet consists of 14 lines, each line containing ten syllables and written in iambic pentameter, in which a pattern of an unemphasized syllable followed by an emphasized syllable is repeated five times. The rhyme scheme in a Shakespearean sonnet is a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g; the last two lines are a rhyming couplet. Since I am personally iambically challenged

I'll not comment on the rhythm. That said, the strict syllable count is a requirement and you range from 7 to 14 syllables in your lines. Only 4 lines meet the 10 syllable requirement. This gives your write a choppy feel - not the smooth rhthym that a sonnet requires. (Just as an aside, "sonnet" mean little song

which gives you an idea of how it should flow.)

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

Not a bad try for a first effort. I applaud your attempt - I know I've never been successful in writing an English sonnet so I can appreciate the difficulty. I certainly think you've capturd the emotional content you were looking for - but the form needs some additional work. Don't be discouraged - just keep trying and I'm sure your talent will prevail. Thank you for sharing this with me today...

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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788

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3242543

Review of The Dancer and the Mannequin

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Tadpole1

My name is Ken – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "The Dancer and the Mannequin"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
A wicked tale of life imitating art... or vice versa

Creativity/Impact:
I really liked the subtle twist of this tale... from pages of art to the reality of life. There is a darkness, more felt than seen, that you've woven into this short tale of the macabre.

Content:
You tell of a dancer who is consumed by her part and becomes the character she plays. In the forgotten attic of a store, her ability to be the character proves a saving grace but opens the tale up to more than just the 300 words used. Nicely done.

Technical Notes:
From a technical viewpoint, the bervity of the story forced you to compress the tale. Those not familiar with the ballet Giselle will be unfamiliar with your character. This causes the reader to have to connect very disparate dots in order to fully understand the tale. I hope that you'll revisit this and add the backstory and additional details that will make this truely shine.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A very dark and interesting tale. I felt it suffered a bit from the compressed format but I love the core story and hope that you'll follow up on it. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into the darker side of yourself and your talent with me today. I'm returning your GP's - reading this was payment enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

** Image ID #1631053 Unavailable **
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789

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3242339

Review of Ben's

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Connieboo!

My name is Ken (you may vaguely recall LOL) – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Ben's"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Very interesting and amusing. I like that you used a (mostly

) limerick form. Most people don't really appreciate the versatility of the form.

Creativity/Impact:
I thought this was very clever - a simple trip to a restraunt -with a humorous twist at the end.

Content:
In both form and content, this light hearted look at a dinner gathering is very well done and engaging to the reader.

Technical Notes:
In general, the limerick form was followed. My only recommendation would be that you try to keep the rhyming lines the same length within each stanza (i.e. abe should be the same count; cd should be the same count). This will help the flow a bit. As a practical example - your opening stanza is 8/9/5/4/9. Dropping "such" in line 2, and "more" in line 5 would smooth out the rhythm.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

Well done. This was filled with a gentle humor (unlike most limericks LOL) and worked really well in this form. Thank you for sharing a smile and your wonderful talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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790

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3241916

Review of Trail Of Smiles

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Hyperiongate

My name is Ken (yeah, you know that already LOL) – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Trail Of Smiles"

[13+]. My apologies for taking so long to get this review done

- I'm just slow, I guess

but I always keep my word!

First Impression/Thoughts:
What a terrific story! I love the futuristic setting but the everyday concerns, feelings, emotions... This is a wonderful character study and I think you've done yourself proud with this.

Creativity/Impact:
OK - not to get mushy

but this is a borderline tearjerker. The relief at the end extends to the reader as well as Jacob. You write with a simple directness that touches the emotions. Outstanding story!

Content:
You tell of a future that is painted in dullness; a future that seems bleak and uncaring. And yet, you find the humanity in that distant time and allow the value of a smile to still be recognized for what it's worth - everything! Not that I would change a word, but I saw Jacob, at the conclusion to be at his end of the titled trail... I don't know if it would be worthwhile to see if you could wrap that into the story since the title is only mentioned once mid-story. Perhaps it's too obvious but it was just a thought.

Technical Notes:
As I've come to expect, Jim - this was a flawless write. I'm sure someone could nit-pick that comma could be used here or a word changed there but I'd hope you'd reject any such considerations. The flow of the story is keeps the reader moving and your crisp writing reflects the sparseness of this future world you've created. I see this as a perfect match of style and subject.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

What other superlatives can I share? I loved this tale. lt is a classic tale of the future with a hyperiongate twist of humanity. Thank you for sharing this tale and your impressive talent with me today. Of course, I'm returning your GPs. Reading this was sufficient reward

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3241880

Review of Sold

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Africangirl

My name is Ken – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Sold"

[13+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
A dark, thought provoking story (?) that reminds us that evil still roams the world. As you point out, like the ostrich - sticking our heads in the sand doesn't make it go away - it just keeps it from our view. Thank you for pulling our heads out and reminding us.

Creativity/Impact:
I genuinely liked your approach - the vignette that laid out the basis for concern - followed by the self-realization and self questioning as you brought the story into the context of your own life. I thought it was very effective way of bringing this to the reader and allowing them to discover their own relationship with this dark tale.

Content:
You recount the tale of a young Cambodian girl who has been consumed by the sex trade and, who, it seems, has met her end at the hands of the unscrupulous people who profit from it. You then relate this back to your own situation and ask the unanswerable questions that we all have - how can this happen? A poignant tale that surely touches most readers. My only recommendation would be regarding the rating. Since the subject matter is mature and you use some cursing, I'd recommend raising this to 13+ just to comply with the site's guidelines.

Technical Notes:
This story is definitely content over form. I saw the following minor errors that in no way detract from the story or its impact:
Line 1: Replace the period with a comma at the end of the opening quote. This is a complete thought and the period just breaks the flow. After "betray him" in the final sentece of paragraph 1, use a semi-colon instead of a comma. These are two independent clauses not joined by a connector word such as and. In paragraph 4, you say he ran his hands "through his almost bold scalp..." I think you meant "bald". Overall, I think you did very well in writing this - and minor blemishes such as these don't diminish a well told tale.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

This was a powerful and emotional write. It's evident from your words that you found a very personal story. Great emotion makes for great stories and you've done an excellent job with this. Thank you for sharing your talent with me today and I look forward to reading more of your work.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#3241229

Review of This, For You

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Ja-Ja-JINX

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know LOL) – aka 🌝 HowlersMoon

- and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "This, For You"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Even though this was written a while ago, I noticed that you'd revisited it recently. That, alone, was enough to pique my interest since I know that I don't often go back to "finished" pieces unless they call to me or they mean something more than a passing thought or challenge. I can see why you came back - this is more than a lyric - it's a personal declaration to someone you love.

Creativity/Impact:
OK - I'm not a real mushy guy (nor am I in a relationship like this now) so I read this with just a touch of detachment. I love the refrain or hook "This, for you." I thought it was very open ended and allowed a great deal of flexibility in structuring the song. You really should post the music somewhere and add a link. While I felt the emotions were genuine, some of the phrasing was a bit cliched (even in 2008 LOL).

Content:
You write of your love - both in symbol and in feelings - in this song. I thought the rhymes were solid and phrasing consistent in terms of rhythm. I could feel the smooth flow of this and am sure that some of the "I've heard this before" feelings I had would disappate with the addition of music. I do like the solid rhymes (yes, even represents/hence

)

Technical Notes:
As I said - I saw nothing to comment on. This was very well written and there were no obvious errors. I like that you switched up the rhyme order for the bridge - it adds an element of interest in the rhythm and really works well here.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

I was torn in rating this. With the music, some of my concerns would go away I think. As a poem, I think this shows a wonderful maturity in the form and execution of this. Even though it's been said before, you've managed to bring it out in a different light which helps it feel newer. You might want to consider adding the music to something like a powerpoint file and overdubbing the music with the words (I'm not asking you to sing

). Posted to youtube, the link could then be included in your notes. Just a thought... Thank you for allowing me to share in your talent today...

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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793

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14 days may be credited.

#3237456

Review of Nicholas' Water Balloon War

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi willowonez

My name is Ken (as if you didn't know LOL) and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Nicholas' Water Balloon War"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
A cute story - one that shows the wonder of the small events in our life. Too many think that that writing is about creating magical worlds with fictional characters. Not so - and you have delivered a warm and human story with this recounting.

Creativity/Impact:
This is unique to your life - how much more creative can one get?

From a writing perspective, I think you could have increased the impact a bit by starting off with a bang (literally

) Perhaps opening the story with some action from the water balloon fight and then pulling back and building the foundation. Just a thought - not a fault.

Content:
You've done a great job of giving the readers everything they need to understand the who, what, when , and where. Since I am a poet by temperment, I think adding more descriptors would help flesh this out a bit. Just as a "ferinstance" - you mention the hot Georgia summer nights. (Been there, done that LOL) My recollections go something like - When you walk out the door,the first thing you notice is the tickling. Persperation blossoms like the magnolias that scent the air in the summer nights in Georgia. The more you can involve the reader's senses, the more "into" the story they can get. It's not just a story - it's an experience.

Technical Notes:
There were a few minor mistakes that I'm sure, on rereading, you'd find on your own. A few examples:
Line one: "I really like my neighborhood, more specifically my cul-de-sac." Rather than a comma, a semicolon would work better since your not using a connecting word like "and."
"Hot Georgia summer nights what could be..." again - I'd either use a period (or even an exclamation point) and make the rest into a separate sentence.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I really liked this tale of community. There's little enough left anymore and we all need reminding that it's still there. A really good tale that, with a little polish, with find its full shine. Thank you for sharing this and your talent with me today. Yes, I'm returning your GPs. Reading this was reward enough

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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14 days may be credited.

#3226942

Review of Terror in the Night

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Joshua Pilger

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Terror in the Night"

[E] as part of "Merit Badge Bonanza Player's Chart"

[E]

First Impression/Thoughts:
I think you've captured the fear of being alone in a house (and in your mind) very nicely. I could easily identify with the feelings your words portrayed which makes the impact all that much more. Nicely done.

Creativity/Impact:
Nice alliteration and use of words really brings out the creepy/scary qualities of this psychological poem. The overall flow carries - with a few bumps in the night

- the reader through your thoughts and feelings.

Content:
You describe a dark night where your aloneness dredges up feelings of fear - and even the most innocent of the occurences are transformed by the unknown into monsters in your mind. I think your descriptions are well done and you've covered the full gamut - from creakings noises to the wind to the shadows playing on the walls.

Technical Notes:
I saw only minor grammatical or spelling errors. Stanza 4, line 3 "silence of the night."

Personally, I think adding some punctuation would help (although it's not required) such as in Stanza 2. In line 2, a simple period after "bang" allows the reader to pause before you shift focus from what's going on outside to what's happening inside your mind. This adds clarity. Since you choose to capitalize each line (which typically indicates a new thought), adding a little punctuation will help the reader follow your thoughts.

The meter (think syllables per line) vary from 6 to 11 which makes this read a bit choppy. Consider extending some of the shorter lines to smooth out the flow. Good solid perfect rhymes really add to the ease of reading! Well done.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

I think you've created a really good poem. A little adjustment to some of the technical aspects will make it flow a bit better and allow the reader to stay "in the poem" rather than being . The content is spot on. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today. Well done. I'm returning your auto-reward GPs - I get as much from a review as (hopefully

you do! No other reward is needed.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3215789

Review of Forecast: Memories

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Ja-Ja-JINX

It's just me, Ken. Thank you for the invitation. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Forecast: Memories"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
What wonderful memories you've captured in your words. What an undertaking

. While the form is free verse in style, you've kept the poetic feel to this that's so necessary to keep the flow of this moving the reader from the opening words to the final warm thoughts. You open this by citing the prompt - and I think you've done a wonderful job of integrating and interpreting the prompt in your own words and feelings.

Creativity/Impact:
This is a unique tale - your memory - but it has common roots that many will identify with so it will find a home in many of the reader's hearts. The form - a Sestina - really works well and supports the flow of the story without feeling forced or artificial. Well done, sir!

Content:
Unlike many of this type of poem, you've taken a page from your life and given us the whole picture... from first flakes of snow and the wonderful anticipation that it brings to your and your brothers through "Mom's reality" of work before play to the heart of your poem - a day of togetherness - sledding with your siblings and the wonderful feel of family in a warm kitchen as you thaw out

Technical Notes:
OK - let's get picky (LOL). I've only written one Sestina so I don't claim any expertise but it seems that you've been true to the form. My only comment would be the use of fall/falls since it does change the word slightly. I've done some reading and don't see where it matters particulary but if one were to be picky...

The technical aspects - spelling, punctuation, word choice - are all spot on. Nothing to comment on.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

This is a truely lovely memory recalled in unique form. Like the cocoa - it leaves the reader warm and content. Thank you for sharing your talent and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work. It is provided solely for your use and is offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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796

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#3194994

Review of The Jazz Festival

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Connie...

Just a note to tell you how much I enjoyed this story. I'm a sucker for happy endings (LOL).

I thought you did great with your descriptions - I could see the hub bub in packing up, the kids being kids, and the park where the festival was being held. I commend you for keeping the story simple and not rambling off into some long tirade about the importance of parents to never be complacent. Your story speaks volumes and I think the direct approach you took was very effective.

Well told and a pleasure to read... Thank you for sharing your talent and your tale...

Ken

797

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14 days may be credited.

#3165752

Review of Whither Gods, Distracted?

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Ben!

Thank you for highlighting this wonderful musing. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Whither Gods, Distracted?"

[E].

First Impression/Thoughts:
How many times have we sat somewhere, thinking of the "what-ifs" in life, and passed a journey musing on the vagaries of fate? You've captured those moments in this gentle, thoughtful write.

Creativity/Impact:
I appreciate your bringing in the "old Gods" into this. They were, after all, the ones who most directly interacted with us

. I think the use of iambic heptameter really supported the flow and storyline of this rather than the more staccato feel of tetrameter.

Content:
A smooth flow of this carries the reader through this journey from "fumbling for change" to the soft musings of a future filled with children to the final realization that you're just strangers passing in a moment in time.

Technical Notes:
While I'm the first to admit that I'm one of life's "iambically challenged" - try as I might, I saw nothing to comment on. I thought you did a terrific job on capturing the meter and matching it to a natural language flow (mostly

). Solid perfect rhymes supported this poem and added to the gentle feel.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

A lovely way to start the day! Your poetry is always first rate but this was really a great read. I fear it will be overlooked for more spectacular subjects (or worse - more prosaic writes). This was a beautiful write and I appreciate the gentle nature of the subject and your display of talent in creating this.

Keep the GPs

Reading this was payment enough.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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798

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14 days may be credited.

#3158419

Review of Raven's Awakening

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi ghost

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Raven's Awakening"

[13+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
A wickedly told tale to transmigration. So that's what happens!

Creativity/Impact:
Very clever - the transformation was handled well and the focus on the "new" life was very interesting. Quite an enjoyable read.

Content:
You describe a horrible death and talk of a rebirth in the form of a raven. Once the human plane is left, the world takes on a different focus in your new guise. Very interesting and creative way to take the prompt. Well done.

Technical Notes:
Technically, very little to comment on. Second stanza - typically special symbols (+) aren't used in poetry - use the word "20-plus." Stanza 4 starts out "now I awake, on top of mine own grave." You need to capitalize the first word, make I (I'm} and it should be "my grave."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

and a

The meter is a bit rough but you've told a complete and engaging story with this. Funny - I took the prompt a totally different direction which I guess was the purpose of this exercise. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

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#3157253

Review of The Wrestler Waits

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Cleverly done! A great story filled with warmth and humanity. My only recommendation would be to check the title - I think you meant "Wrestler"...

This is a winner, for sure!

Ken

800

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#3154480

Review of Survivor

Review by 🌝 HowlersMoon

In affiliation with

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Good morning, Jim...

Once more, you're imagination has "done you proud."

It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Survivor"

[18+].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Ahhh the old "hiding under the porch on Mars" theme

A great lead in for a continuing tale of intrigue.

Creativity/Impact:
Taking the mystery and setting it on another planet lends a heightened sense of intrigue to this. Who are the "out-worlders?" Where did they spring from?

Content:
Solid plot set up. For such a short piece, you did a wonderful job of setting the scene... great descriptions of the environment and the fear factors that begin this tale of mystery.

Technical Notes:
One minor typo -In paragraph 4 you wrote "Marian" intstead of "Martian" but other than that, this was perfect.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

You really must follow up on some of these - I'd love to read the longer version! Thank you once more for sharing your imagination and talents with me.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It’s offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback… nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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