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THE MANIFESTO REMIX You've been pwn'd by ☡.☠ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| ... you've made me do. INT. WdC CONFERENCE ROOM BLOGGERS appear bored sitting around the conference table. Inspirational posters hang from the walls, soda and coffee cups scattered about. Z.DOOM enters agitated. Z.Doom What does a guy have to do! Does he have to pay for criticism? ASHLEY yawns and rolls her eyes. Z.Doom I saw that, missy! Fivesixer, eyes to the front! Fivesixer My eyes are to the front. He lowers a Walgreens ad he's been sifting through for bargains. Z.Doom paces in front of the room. Z.Doom For over 230 entries, almost 10K views, we've been friends here at the Remix. That was until yesterday, when I asked, NO, pleaded for criticism on the hit web series RUMIEZ and you left me flapping in the wind, like so much dirty, farm people underwear. PAUL stands to speak. Paul I think I speak for everyone, when I say we were busy yesterday. Yard work, VD tests (nods towards ~J) and I personally was watching an omnibus of Eastenders, they never do that in England, I wasn't going to miss it. Z.Doom smiles politely then throws warm Mountain Dew over the assembled. Z.Doom Horse shit! I studied media, I know how to use the stats here! My views hit their average, and only 2 comments... the only person here who I know watches, and it's because he understands what great comedy is, is Problematic! PROBLEMATIC muffles a fit of uncontrollable laughter. DRAGONFLY stands to speak. Drago My heart was burning yesterday. I mean literally, I had a Catholic heart-o-fire. May I be excused? Z.Doom NO! No one leaves for firey hearts. Ashley Why are you ragging on us? (turns bottle of Mad Dog up and empties it, belches.) Tin and Twinks aren't here. Z.Doom Tin has left us for a man, and Twinks is teasing a boy with faux nudie pictures. Fivesixer And what about Kare and Alfred Booth? Z.Doom MENSA meeting. Laurie What kind of an excuse is that! And where's Gabby? Z.Doom She... (tears well up in his eyes) left us for the guy on the cover of a romance novel. Not even the real model, just the cover of a book! You people tease me, call me thunder-thighs and modem-ass, and what do I get in return! Playas hating the game and the playa! Z.Doom falls to the floor crying. DEB enters slams the door, she whacks Z.Doom once with her stick. SUGA enters, sees the mess, and then tip-toes out. Paul (to room) You guys, what have we done to modem-ass? Drago I feel so bad, so very, very, guilty. How will I ever be at peace with myself? Ashley I bet we could visit his blog from yesterday and click on the link. Problematic That's right! Then we could offer Zack some constructive criticism! Fivesixer Speak for yourself. I already viewed it and made a comment. ~J Me too. We just came for the free coffee. Who are they? KAY and JULIE D sit huddled in a corner. KAY He frightens us! Laurie So it's settled, we all visit his blog from yesterday, click on what I'm sure is a hilarious RUMIEZ link, and then offer the constructive criticism that Zack trusts us to give him. Right! The WdC-ers put their hands in and give a battle cry before breaking and running to their computers to carry out their task and relieve themselves of the conscience splitting guilt they had amassed through their selfish actions. FADE OUT |
| ... the new RUMIEZ http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=35571460 I'm not going to write anything in this blog today. I would suspect that everyone tries to use this site to get constructive criticism for their writing. I would also suspect that, let's say, a garage-sale film maker could come here and ask for some constructive criticism too. So that's what I'm doing. This was the most "intelligent" shoot we've attempted yet. Think Hitchcock's "Rope". I would like to know if viewers at home get it, or if we completely missed the mark. That's your homework for tonight, take as long as you need. |
| ... we shoot, AGAIN!!!!!! We still have to finish what we started on Friday, and It looks like we'll have a three hour window to do it in. One of our actresses up and went and got her wisdom teeth pulled. Not only is she going to have trouble saying lines, but she may be a bit squirrel cheeked too. Guess who got called to see if we should make her come tonight or not... ME. If you've ever watched the credits for the show, I'm credited as writer and sometimes director. We don't post the producer credits, but that job ain't mine. Producers have to make important decisions, like whether or not to force an actress to shoot who has just had teeth pulled. Now I'm the baddy, cause I just expressed my desire for her to be there and blah, blah, blah. I think Cam and Jarred would agree though, she should be there tonight. We have a gun-fight! We's shooting people tonight! There's a water gun fight at the same time!!!!!! How confusing could that get! There are naked chicks, and naked dudes! Best of both worlds! Oh, and Miley Cyrus is there too! Wow, it sounds like this show is going to fantasmagorical! And it will - In any event... Don't copy my shit.  Emoticon in ya' face! |
| ... famous? She's not that hot, so don't even start there. And talent... where is it? That's my biggest issue this election year THE DUMBING DOWN OF AMERICA. We're in a recession, the gap between the country's wealthiest and its working class is growing. Our public schools are crumbling and MTV aires The Hills. WTF, I mean... WTF! Lawyers are example number one. Not what they do, but that people want to be them and anyone can be them. There used to be, back in the day, this prestige about practicing law, now any yokel with a want of capital can become one. Never mind that I have no higher definition of justice and "We the People", I want them Benjamins! I've known some law majors and they are the most uninteresting, passionless group of beasts that ever existed. Having a frank discussion of the moral ambiguities that plague the mind of the modern man is out of the question with this bunch, they're only interested in Tila Tequila. I think though that I understand the core of this problem: privilege. This group of law majors were privileged children who never had a reason to fight for anything in their lives. They were raised with everything they wanted and they saw law as a way to secure their privilege. Which, to the rest of us, means establishing a permanent aristocracy just above our heads. Privilege draws the vultures. The guys and dolls that wish to attach themselves to the privileged for the convenience of said life style. That's America today. A generation of intelligence bottom feeders, no want for illumination (metaphysical or otherwise). As long as their capital is secure and The Hills are on TV, America is the greatest country in the world. I used lawyers as an example, but "business" people could be another one. Anyone can get a business degree, they're on the back of cereal boxes. Social Workers? Do they study because it's what they want to do or what they think they should do? Do they have any real understanding of modern society and why a person might be in the position they are? They may be working with a man raised with no privileges at all, put into the position he is because of the lawyer they spend their nights with. Maybe it isn't that America is dumbing down, but like everything else in America, education now has to turn a profit. When that happens, standards are lowered, and anyone can get through their law, business or social work program. Film? Sure enough, if I got through anyone can. What this country needs is a brand new AGE OF ENLIGHTENMENT. We'll reintroduce the arts and music into schools. We'll teach history as it happened, Howard Zinn style. Lawyers will be put to the wall and a new code of laws, written by the masses not the aristocracy, will be put into effect. It won't be communism, but it will be equality. The state doesn't want your tractor, just what you produce with it, to feed your neighbors. Okay, I've got a manifesto to write. |
| ... Rising Sun... LSD... Raul Duke and George Jackson. I'm going on my vision quest tonight. My vision quests are not done with LSD, no, but with caffeine and salted snacks. I stay up all night, watching black and white movies in the background while I read such classics as Kafka on the Shore or Soledad Brother. That's how Zack gets lifted, changes his perception of the world. I think I will read The Dharma Bums, these are the foggy days of wander lust's death and the birth of 8-a-day-for-five. Sleep when I'm dead! We shot Friday night and pulled it off, halfway, we won't be able to finish shooting until Wednesday night. But what we are doing is freaking awesome! It's like, imagine a $5.00 milk-shake with bourbon. Imagine a world without Sex and the City... imagine... the Bush Administration never happened... that's how powerful and moving what we've done is. You will weep. You will weep AND wet yourself. I'll put a pack of Depends on it. I jacked a pair of glasses from our actress. The frames rock, I just wish they weren't so, you know, chicky. I look more like David Bowie than David Carradine. Do I really want to look like either though? Don't know! That's the fun, that's the trick! Rabbit from my hat, crowd applauds and then I cut my assistant in half. 25 to life in New York for that trick. Just whistle and walk away. So there may be a way for me to go to Europe and finish out the RUMIEZ work here. I'd have to sub-lease, but what's the deal with that? This is a college town, there's tons of folk who need cheap housing and I can provide (he said with a smirk). What's next? Securing the funding so I can live as a man of leisure in Europe while the dollar is weak. I need to be able to take pedestrian strolls with a walking stick through Geneva and Amsterdam... well, in all actuality, when in Amsterdam... there may be little walking. It's come to brass tax, as it always does in these situations and I have to answer the tax-man soon. I wish I had applied a few months earlier and had a few more months to go. There's just never enough time. |
| I'm 27 years old. In three short years I'll be thirty, middle aged (relatively, I smoke, drink, play with loaded guns and would (if they'd have me) sleep with loose women which all equal a shorter life), and still no closer to my dreams I fear. I used to be a bucket of self confidence, way back in the day, but all that withered up like Keith Richards. I think it stems from the realization that life isn't what was in the brochure, there's fine print that I never read before buying the ticket. Part of that is aging. I have fears I never had before, like of a tooth randomly falling out of my head. What would I do? Who would I turn to? I'd look like a West Virginian Congressman. I never, ever, ever, EVER feared dying an old man-maid, but now I do. What's up with that! In part it has to do with what I believe is my superman seed, the kind that would make Nietzsche proud. Gotta start sowing. The other part though, is that I know I'm getting older and losing whatever I had. It gets harder to date when you get older I've been told. Then there were those dreams I had back in the day. I was going to be a filmmaker. Now, it seems, I'm just looking for a wicked job to survive by. I was accepted to a graduate program in Foreign Relations that would send me to London, Vienna, Geneva, etc. It's a 12 month crasher with the EU and UN to boot. I think I'm going to turn it down. That's an out. That's running away from what I want to do because it hasn't worked thus far. I found my inner-Kerouac and am going to stick it out. We shoot RUMIEZ tonight, and no matter what you think, it's something I think I have to see through to the end. Could be the last shot at actually doing something with what I got left before you see me in three years asking if you'd like to "make it a combo". And no matter what the show is fun as hell. In three days there will be another RUMIEZ link here and this time you better watch it! A joke: Two guys walk into a bar... the third guy ducks! Rim shot! [barump-bump-ting!] |
| ... Fredbird the Redbird. I saw some disturbing, heart wrenching words posted by someone I will not name (but may or may not have been Special Kay  . She accuses Fredbird, St. Louis' de-facto junta leader, of having married the Philly Phanatic in a ceremony at Cape Cod. I would expect this sort of yellow journalism from Fox News, but Special Kay ...I went in search of a bio for Fredbird, but could find none that told his true tale, so I did my own research, and have found this. Born in St. Louis, Missouri in 1896 to Ted and Bethesda Bird, Fredbird was raised as an orthodox Jew in Ladue. He never missed a day of schule and thought of becoming a Rabbi. At 18, he entered Columbia University where he studied Dianetics and pyramid scamming. He graduated at the top of his class. After his service in the Spanish Civil War and a short stint in a mental institution suffering from War Brain (what we now call post traumatic stress disorder) Fredbird returned to St. Louis and led the first of three successful coups over the democratically elected mayors. After each successful coup, he would quit and start all over, enjoying the means far more than the end. He is married with three chickadees and lives in a tree in Tower Grove Park. His hobbies include dancing on dugouts and playing tricks on little kids and old people at Busch Stadium. See, a true American and St. Louisan. If you don't believe me, dig this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lasO6s9ijpo&feature=related. I see that the CARDINALS are still undefeated... we've won the hearts and minds of all fans for the 111th straight year. I just wish we got the games up here in CNY. It's all Mets and Yankees. They can yankee my crankee for all I care. And I so do not believe that the Red Sux/Yankee rivalry is the best in the history of baseball. I just think it's the most televised in the history of baseball. The Cardinals and the Yankees were huge rivals in the 40s and 60s. The Cardinals and Cubs are still beating each other with sticks to this very day. I hate the NY teams, but I hate the cubs more. I hate the UCLA Bruins too. A bruin is just a bourgeois name for a baby bear... or a cub. But enough about me, let's talk about you... what are you wearing? |
| ... the world. I found a bit on the BBC news site about my home state the other day. A car dealership in Missouri is offering a free gun with every car sale.... need I say more? It's a sizzling summer of savings! You'll be packing heat and saving the environment when you roll off the lot in your new Prius with our complimentary .45 under you shoulder. We've got Kias, Hondas, De Loreans, Glocks, Smith&Wesson and SigSauers. So come on down to Baxter's where you get a $100 gas card or 100 bullets just for test driving! I doubt the dealer put much thought into it. You'd think he'd never heard of a drive-by. Let's just hope criminals can't pass the credit check. And if they do, I'll be pissed, cause I don't know if I could pass a credit check. That's twice now that convicts have proven their worth over mine! In all honesty though, this is in a part of the state where they're still fighting the RED MENACE. John Birch* isn't just the name of a club there, but the elementary school as well. They wake up everyday and look out the window hoping to see Russian commandos in their lawn Red Dawn style. Wolveriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think ignorance is a crime, but to arm ignorance as well... that's like a double crime. I have a question now. If you fail the credit check can you still get the gun, and if you fail the background check can you still get the car? Seems like everyone deserves a door-prize at least. Dig this, poor Julie D - PUBLISHED! was talking about her Phillies the other day, not knowing the kind of on-line betting I've forced people to participate in here when it comes to my CARDINALS. Now, whether she likes it or not, she's locked into a bet. Best of three, 7/13-7/15. May the best me win.Organization founded in 1958 by Robert H. Welch, Jr. (1899 - 1985), a retired American candymaker, to combat communism and promote ultraconservative causes. (answers.com) Don't act like you knew what I was talking about. |
| ... the Zactionary. With the letter "A" mind you, and the one word that goes there. I started, but now I need to figure out a way to be more creative with it. It's too blah, so pass up your suggestions for the Zactionary to the front of the room. You may feel jilted because your suggestion will be going towards improving a piece of perfection that bears (ha! bear trap!) my name and not yours... I have nothing to say to that. I stayed up until five AM this morning canning peaches. And while I canned peaches I watched a film called Gozu by Takashi Miike. It's like what David Lynch would do if he had to make a Yakuza flick. So very surreal and wacked, it put me to thinking... will I spend the rest of my life canning peaches? Isn't there more to life than canning peaches? What child wants to grow up to can peaches? Canning peaches? Sure, I got my PhD in Canneroscopy, but had I just gone to that school in Mount Rushmore for my father? He wanted me to take on the family business, but I never wanted to be a clown. Canning peaches was a compromise and I fear that I got the short end of the stick. Peach canning has it's upsides, but all in all it's pretty down. I can peaches for *^%# sake. I think I'm going to go back to school. Study what I always wanted to (Rodeo Clowning) and find me a red-headed woman with low morals and a high bust. North Dakota here I come! Hey, guys, let's all annoy someone real bad so that they'll start blogging again. Problematic Content has fallen off the wagon. E-mail him, message him, call him (I got his phone number off of a truck stop urinal) and get him to blog again. I think he's a republican and also voted for Sanjya in American Idol, but we won't hold that against him. Humor, that's what we're looking for... humor.[EDIT] Correction, don't annoy him, he did blog today. Just go read it. He must have known I was about to annoy him. |
| ... you for your submissions. So far, what do we got, 8 or 9 words in the Zactionary? Never said it would be a big dictionary. Audience participation is huge here. Movie Poster Day, Zactionary submissions... and you always participate. Today is Give Zack Your Money Day, that's right, I'm mugging you with a blog. It's a BLUGGING!!! Make that 10 words in the Zactionary. Memorial Day, yippee. It's also laundry day, yippee. I do laundry at least once a week, in a single week, every month. I hate doing laundry, nothing good ever comes of it. Clothes shrink, colors bleed and fabrics wrinkle. I have no iron... I remove wrinkles the same way I do anything that gives me a problem; I punch it till it loses its will to live. I do have a problem with inanimate objects. They're always pissing me off and making me hurt them. Like the toaster (RIP) that kept burning my toast. I didn't want to beat it into submission... it made me. There's probably nothing more confusing then coming over to my place, hearing me yelling at someone about how they've wronged me or broken my poor heart, then opening the door and finding me fighting with a coffee pot. The best part about all these objects that I've tussled with is that I've yet to lose a fight, which, in my mind, means that these things aren't fighting back because of the righteous logic I use. I'm infallible. Like Kim Jung Il. This has nothing to do with inanimate objects, but why is it that Kim Jung Il has never changed the name of his country? North Korea can be North Korea to the rest of the world, but if he called it "Happy Fun Candy Time Land" to his people, what the hell difference would they know? I honestly doubt that anytime soon I'm going to run into a North Korean at the mall. "Hi, I'm from Happy Fun Candy Time Land." "Where's that?" "Just North of South Korea." ... I'm so damned clever... But anyhoo, laundry is stupid. Just buy new clothes. That's what keeps America strong and insures that thousands of 3rd World kids around the world keep their starvation wage jobs. And that's why we celebrate Memorial Day. |
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