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 |   New and Improved... but only slightly. |
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THE MANIFESTO REMIX You've been pwn'd by ☡.☠ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| "My creative juices are sapped and the woman I've been infatuated with for awhile has run off with some other johnson and stuck my face in it. My question: do you know why diet Mountain Dew tastes like ass, compared to regular Mountain Dew" Signed, Purposeless in the 'Lo Well, Purposeless, the fact of the matter is that when we Americans go on diets we spend less money on food. The major food conglomerates know this, and make all diet food taste like ass so we spend less time on diets. It's a major right wing conspiracy and is perpetrated by Fox News and Standard Oil (neither of which have anything to do with food, but they love a good conspiracy). Thanks for your letter, Purposeless. No purpose? If you haven't watched this yet you have a purpose: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d736bd2b23 RUMIEZ FIRST ANNUAL INVITATIONAL CAGE FIGHT SHORT WRITE OFF is, like a Hilary Clinton campaign, suspended. We are opening it up to Funny or Die as well and getting that started soon. I have all your entries as they are, but, now I will let you cheat and change them if you want. Prizes to include a Tornado T-shirt, just like the one you saw in the "Tornado Warning Short". Classy! Today I vow to write again, and not just RUMIEZ scripts or blogs, but something else. I used to write other things, in past, like love letters and thank you cards, or love cards and thank you letters. I have this theory that one needs to stay in practice with writing as a whole and not just screenplays we'll say. So, let's all get in on this: RANDOM IMPROV BLOGISODE: Comments to this blog should include improv prompts and/or key phrases. So, if the comment before yours lists a place, maybe you should try an object or occupation or something. Play along, I'm very lonely. |
"I recently found out that one of our department managers recently started to co-habitate with one of her subordinates. Since she is a malicious bitch who I'd love to pay back, how can I best spin this rumor to produce maximum damage AND maximum personal satisfaction?" - Special Kay  Hey Kay, Work relationships are hard to hide, and I respect your department manager for trying. I also respect you and your blood lust, and have a few tips. I'd let the rumor simmer, and then one day when they're both not at the office, call the manager's house and ask for the fellow... with the speaker phone on. Total humiliation immersion. Thanks for the letter. You know, we spend so much of our time trying to get even with those that wrong us. We even, sometimes, hurt ourselves trying to extract our revenge. I have a little video here where a girl, Elana, tries just this approach: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d736bd2b23 RUMIEZ Episode 20! If you do not laugh at this you are a robot, and not a cool robot, but a lame, square robot that doesn't know the radical George Jackson from George Jefferson. Watch it, comment, critique then weep for we are conquering the world and leaving feces in our step. Soon we will see what tastes better with butter  ! |
| ... pants means it's going to rain! It rains all the time now. Not just in the 'Cuse, but in Missouri, the mother-land, where flooding is a problem. Apparently there have been way more tornados this year than in the previous whatever. And they say Global Warming doesn't exist. A Question of Ethics, By Z.H. Powerflex: "If a girl falls asleep next to you topless, is it okay to cop a feel?" Don't just answer, debate it. RUMIEZ FIRST ANNUAL INVITATIONAL CAGE FIGHT SHORT WRITE OFF is open for, let's say, one more day. Then what I'm going to do is take all the stories, scripts and synopsis to the RUMIEZ production offices where they will vote on them. I have removed myself from the voting process as I know who you all are. I will tell you this too, one of you sent us an idea that was pretty damn similar to one we have. We share a wave length. A Question of Ethics, By Z.H. Powerflex: "If the room knows it was you who farted the first time, is it okay to just let it rip for the encore or should you still pinch?" Don't just answer, debate it. |
| And the armless!!! Been away a couple of days, been working on the next RUMIEZ and can I tell you something?... without a doubt, this next episode is the best of them all. None of us would have said that while we were shooting, but we hit everything and it came through in the editing. RUMIEZ FIRST ANNUAL INVITATIONAL CAGE FIGHT SHORT WRITE OFF still open. Three submissions... three. Two thirds coming from the ladies, and two thirds featuring Elana in a prominent role. You gals hang together! That's thug love. Enough about RUMIEZ (the most recent can be viewed here http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/aadd0b7cc4), let's talk about people who complain about politics and don't vote. Nothing pisses me off more. And that's all I have to say about that. I haven't read anything; e-mail, blogs, nothing. But I can tell you're in distress again. So, for Monday (or Tuesday, I'm lit like a Branch Davidian right now, so who knows what I'm typing) Dr. Zack will be back behind his desk. Relationship questions? Life, love, money? I'll answer all your queries in a professional manner. HA! Professional... I can barely spell that word without a diktionary. |
| ... is one view that you people failed to make. http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/aadd0b7cc4 Here's the deal: RUMIEZ FIRST ANNUAL INVITATIONAL CAGE FIGHT SHORT WRITE OFF It's a contest, just made up right now, inside my brilliant brain. You people write short scripts, synopsis, or a story to be adapted to the screen. You win gift points, all of them that I have (we ain't talking much), and of course win all the credit. Other prizes will be named later, if you behave. The title says invitational for a reason, it's open to all, but I am expecting these people to participate: Problematic Content Pancake Master  pauluk In Your Dirtiest Pants alfred booth, wanbli ska Z.˚rz That last one will win if you people don't do something now! Before you give me lame excuses about not having enough time, or not knowing what you're doing, let me address these issues. Firstly, I don't know what I'm doing either. So there. Secondly, no time? Watch this. Two guys are at a party where they see a really hot girl across the room. They try and muscle each other out of the way to be the first to her. They arrive at the same time only to find that she's missing an arm and, disgusted, walk away Synopsis done. That took no time. You watch the show? You know of an actor you want to play a specific role? Let us know! We'll do that and what we can't do we'll improvise to hilarity. Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, put the word out that everyone has an equal opportunity to win credit as a screenwriter (except the Methodists... dirty rotten bunch they are). |
| ... Emmy? You bet, then we broke it in half! Keeeeeee-yaaaaa! The brand, the new, the episode that will give you horrible nightmares of pleasure: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/aadd0b7cc4 RUMIEZ Episode 3! What? 3? Weren't you on 20? YES!, but we forgot to show episode three which, coincidentally, reveals all the twists and turns that a plot may suffer. We have doppels, there's love in the air, bee stings to the ass, and some wicked stache-atitude sported by yours truly. Don't keep up with the Jones, but beat them with their own shoes! Watch this episode before they do! [EDIT] Constructive Criticism, do that! |
| ... on your permanent record. Oh yeah? We shot some of the funniest stuff ever last night. RUMIEZ is getting down to brass taxes, the plot thickens, and now... I feel like I should catch everyone up to where we are... in one, run on sentence: Jarred, Cam and Elana live together in a house infected with doppelganger portals that the CIA in the form of Agent Orange (me) has a serious interest in, during the CIA's involvement in the house Elana got knocked up and assumes the father to be agent Orange who she forced to marry her while he was unconscious, Cam and Jarred's doppels formed a folk band named "Lee Harmony Oswald" and are on tour, leaving Evil Jeremiah to do nasty things, and as we've learned from the last episode (19) it is Evil Jeremiah who is indeed the father of Elana's baby. Phew! What a sentence. What a show! Stay tuned. Tune in, turn on, drop out... or something. Still not smoking. Cold turkey... and I bit the head off of a squirrel this morning. Breakfast and a stress release, kosher. |
| ... the RUMMIEZ stuff... oh, just a little guy named Michael Cera . Now who's thugging! And you had no faith in us. Life sucks! I hate the world, my roommates, and I probably hate all of you too! I'm quitting the nick-sticks, this stupid New York State and its tobaccy taxes is wacky. What I do is necessary, and needed and will save me money in the long run, but I don't wanna! I'll quit tomorrow... yeah, yeah, I'll quit tomorrow, after I have a few tugs. Just a couple more cigs couldn't hurt me yeah? Just a couple more for my sanity, right? You agree? Thank you! Keep it together, by the power of CraZy-Skull! What's worse is we shoot tonight and everyone on set smokes... so if I get through that gauntlet I should be kosher right? It's not that bad, it's mind over matter. I'm not going that crazy... but I would stab an orphan's grandmother for a f  king Camel Light! JUST DO WHAT I SAY AND HAND ME THE P-FUNKS IN YOUR PURSE!!!!!Sorry about that, but yeah, quitting ain't that bad...  ... help... me.... |
| ... sent me prizes even though my answers were wrong! Send me money next time. Man, I got nothing to write about today... so let's talk about aliens. Do they exist? You bet your coal-mining ass they do. What do I base this on? The fact that some scientists think that life on this planet started with space debris that carried bacteria and what not to Earth. Why haven't they introduced themselves? Simple: Our TV shows. The signals from the satellites and what not travel to space and then the aliens get it and learn about us from them. You may or may not remember a TV show entitled Small Wonder (http://www.answers.com/topic/small-wonder-tv-series?cat=entertainment). This show has single handedly driven aliens away from Earth. It was actually created in a secret CIA/Freemasonic plot to keep the aliens away. Crazy? Not half as crazy as the idea that chicks fake orgasms (with me). Think about this: If there weren't aliens, where did synthesizers come from? Aliens sparked the 70's and 80's music scene, arguably the best scene ever. This has nothing to do with The X-Files (although I've been watching all the seasons in order preparing for the new movie. I'm a Rrrrrriot Nrrrrrd), this whole entry has been nothing but scientific fact based on internet research and LSD book reading. Homework... Tell me if you believe in Aliens and then give me your alien name. You find it just like your porno name: Pets first name and the name of the street you grew up on... which makes me Gracie Olive  . |
| ... Thunder Chunk! Anyone else ever find themselves attracted to Lady Sovereign? Just a question. So let me tell you what The Man From ZackMancha did last night. I went with this chick to a trivia night deal at a local public house. Fine and dandy, had a drink or two, kosh. Everything is fine, before and leading up to trivia. It turns into though, a work party for her job, and there's like 18 people there. Needless to say I didn't play trivia, I sat the bench. Z-Stroyer never sits the bench! I don't play JV ball, I'm mutha fuckin' varsity captain. With 18 well acquainted people though, there just isn't any room for a guest. Luckily we agitated gravel early. I was so wanting to play some trivia, I love it. So now, I demand one trivia-esque question from each of you. If I get it right you send me 100gps and an apology for thinking you were better than me. If I miss it, we shake hands, and go our separate ways (and I stop hitting on your sister). Gaby ~ Finding my way back  is back (for today). Calling her out would be a waste cause she's already gone, and so now is my St. Louis connection. Way to go, Gabbles... way to rep your hood and sign those beer petitions down there. "Do vraga! I don't drink pivo, just Jack-n-Coke." That's what she'll say when she reads that, the Bosnian Minx. She broke my heart....Deuce and a holla, cuz. I'm gonna go do some old fashioned gangsta shit... like bootleg the Chronic... on audio cassette tape. |
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