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 |   New and Improved... but only slightly. |
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THE MANIFESTO REMIX You've been pwn'd by ☡.☠ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| ... it ends! http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/7c646fb277 RUMIEZ runs the gamut of cheesy 60's fight scene to modern overly produced battle. Tears, laughs and incontinence. I would bow before the camera but the camera is not worthy of the golden patch atop my dome... and I am severely hung over... Watch, comment and destroy your morals and values! |
| ... a CVS card? Dear Fivesixer  ,I regret to inform you that there are two banging CVS girls in the state of New York. While I do not doubt the validity of your hot-o-meter in Buffalo (An All America City) I must confess that I doubt your CVS girl struck the meter as high as the one I had the honor of meeting today. Or rather, one that I had met some time ago, but forgot. As the events happened sequentially I was up at the uni-bank today and decided to stop into the nearby CVS for coffee which I had tragically run shallow on the day before. The shopping experience is of no concern, but when I went to check out I was stopped by the petit, dark skinned, dark eyed girl behind the counter. I believed she was new, but the heavenly creature gave me pause. "I remember you," she said to me. Really? I says aloud, but inwardly I'm thinking she watches RUMIEZ (That's actually only happened once, where someone called me Agent Orange in public here... and that was Cam's dad who I had yet to meet then). "You haven't been here for a long time," she wrapped up. Also true, I hadn't been in that store for a long time. Who was she and how did she know me? Here was the test- "You must have me confused with someone else," says I, as I count the few bills in my wallet (snap, not velcro). "No, you always bought Pall Mall cigarettes," she started. "and wore a CARDINALS hat." The description was unmistakable, I do indeed wear a CARDINALS hat, and I did indeed always buy the cheapest cigarettes. "Wowsers," me thinks. I pay, and smile at the face that hasn't stopped smiling at me before leaving. Comrade Fivesixer , I swear it to you now that every bit of this epistle rings true. I do not wish to cause a fist-a-cuff between us about the hotnicity of CVS cashiers, but to highlight the unfortunate character of CVS beauties that they would remember and speak to creatures such as us. Creatures who create and post things such as RUMIEZ (Season finale tomorrow!).So, to you sir, I say Good Day. Sincerely, Z-Matic Barbarosa. PS - Gabby's back for another five minutes today and will not rep St. Louis to my satisfaction, but will probably mock me thoroughly. |
| ... in your tea. We shot this evening, it was our first location shoot, and we have some sweet visuals. The first season is ending people! Can you believe it? Of course you can, you watch the show (RUMIEZ) religiously! We're trying to figure out some stuff to fill in the gaps between the end of RUMIEZ one and RUMIEZ.2. We have that little contest that we're going to try, but that's not enough, not for me anyway. SO, if anyone has any questions they would like to pose to a panel of RUMIEZ execs (ha, we're more like children in ties) write them up and we'll answer them on camera. Ever wonder about the science of the portals? We'll explain it! Ever wonder if Jeremiah is single and looking, ladies? We'll answer that too! Does Agent Orange stuff his crotch? No, and we'll elaborate on that question too! The fans are the most important part of the show. Our egos would go without stoking if it wasn't for you, so take part in the process. Otherwise... you may hurt my feelings  ... jerks. |
| ... never felt a beat like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b34U3-CutuU My toothbrush is broken. The plastic under the rubber grip is snapped in two, but the rubber keeps the two sides together. So it's like I'm brushing my teeth with one end of a very small set of numchucks. It was very dramatic when the old girl broke in two. I could hear the snap and then, with fear in my eyes I watched the back end sink to the ground. There was a ninety degree bend. It was like the Titanic, just snapped in two, no survivors and the band played Waltzing Matilda. I don't understand the rubber grip on toothbrushes. Are our hands that weak? Did our ancestors, at the dawn of dental hygiene, suffer blisters from their daily brushing? My great-grandpa, Friedrich Von Dimplestimple, was a dentist in the Prussian army. In those days all tooth aches were a sign of the brain fever. He didn't even suggest the use of toothbrushes, instead it was two glasses of Absinthe and a leach to the teeth. He was killed in the Russian Revolution when he wouldn't share the mouthwash... which was also Absinthe. I'm not buying a new toothbrush either. That's just a way for the toothbrush conglomerates to make money: build flimsy brush handles so that people keep having to buy new brushes at a clip much sooner than the average six months. I'll keep chucking my teeth, damn it! Anyhoo, I'm tired. Worked all day on my time machine on my time machine...  IT WORKED!!!! |
| ... bowels of your mind. Can anyone from the east side of the country, f k it, can anyone not from St. Louis tell me how many arches there are in the city?One.... There is one arch! It is silver, not golden, and has nothing to do with a clown that sells burgers and fries... and chicken nuggets. For like the eightieth time since I've moved up here I've had someone say to me "oh, St. Louis, I've always wanted to go see the arches", or some variation of this statement. Seriously people? There's one, silver arch... built by Jesus where they keep the Magna Carta. You dig that last RUMIEZ? We shoot Thursday... on location... Something else I've never done since I moved up here was get my car legalized for the state of NY. Instead of been rolling with a temp tag since, oh, say February. The pigs have yet to catch me riding dirty. I'm thuggalicious. Speaking of thugs. We have four of the whitest, suburban thugs that hang out on set now. I call them (collectively) Bone-Thugs in Homosexuality. They dress exactly the same as each other everyday! They're up each other's turnpikes, and there is no easy pass lane open (reppin' the CNY). Man, what a day. Well, I got to go research Egypt. I just decided I want to go there... tonight! I'll be in touch as soon as I get back. |
| ... what this is? http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d82e2ebec4 It's the newest, improvedest, coolest episode to date... I know this for a fact, I asked a rabbi and I'm not even Jewish. It's all coming to a head now. As for that issue up here I don't know what to say today. I think I overreacted yesterday and then had a brain spasm. The spasm lasted for fifteen minutes and consisted of my ordering knives off the TV and then becoming incontinent. Can you believe it? Let's try a fun group activity, like offering criticism on this episode. Nada, our coolest fan, has a funnyordie account. You wanna be a cool fan? Go make one and then you too will be cool! I got to go, the doorbell is ringing and I think the repo men are here for my Fiero. |
| ... have no idea what horror it is to be me! Let me tell you what the Zacktor Beam has gotten himself into: a complete and utter mess! I may have to leave RUMIEZ cause I may have to leave The 'Cuse. There's a dirtiness up here... something sneaking about, that I don't want to talk about now, but I can't be around it. I said sneaking, but it's out in the open, it's just sneaky to you people now. It sucks! Cause RUMIEZ was just taking off, and now I have to go back to St. Louis. I don't want to, but I just can't be around someone up here anymore. It's sad too cause in school I think I would have mocked myself for doing this RUMIEZ thing, but now I just want to keep doing it. AND I'M GOING BALD Anyhoo, enough vague un-humorous-ness for one evening. Here's a joke: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light-bulb?... Just the same amount as it would take any other adult of any other hair color. Wait, what? *rollseyes* |
| ... favorite mutiny. Music? Alright then http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2buLteYLwc We shot last night and it was awesome. We work like a well lubricated machine just pumping, pumping, pumping along. Episode 21 should be up tonight or tomorrow. Stay tuned or be tuned out by my superior concentration skills. Then Episode 22 is our "Season Finale" which will blow your mind, we already tested it on orphans and let's just say your tax dollars won't be stretched so far now. Twenty for twenty on orphan mind blowing. Let me tell you some words that I absolutely hate. I'm not even kidding right now, I am talking about a serious hatred, even repulsion to these words. The first is the P - double O - P word. It's so juvenile and I don't even know what. I just can't stand hearing and watching a grown person say that word. BLEH. Grow up and say "deuce", it's more mature and even has a comic tinge to it. The second is another palindrome and it's the B - double O - B word. I don't know why I dislike this one, I can say it and use it for effect or whatever, but I just can't use it normally. Again, I think it has to do with the juvenilocity of it. And it's not just palindromes that get me. RACECAR, see that was nothing. I can say that one all day. What words do you hate? I bet I get four people who say C NT and one P SSY, when you ask people what words they hate these are the ones they always say.I got to go edit now, and then register to vote under my aliases. FOUR MORE YEARS OF BUSH!!!! |
| ... you read them. I took three days away from here to figure out if I really liked you guys. Do you support my ego enough? Do you give me the proper amount of attention that I want? Barely so, I came back though, so you're welcome. If anyone ever tells you the fireworks in Syracuse are great, question that statement seriously. They are far from great and fairly dangerous too. You can sit right under them and watch the burning embers float slowly down onto your bald spot... if you have one that is... I don't Tonight we shoot the next RUMIEZ and we're coming up on our "season" ending. Then we'll do our short contest and then we break into season two. Spoilers? Do you want them? No? Tough shit! Season two will have a new roommate in the house and new neighbors outside the house who dislike the Rumiez crew. Orange will be re-assigned with a surprising new partner. The gang will trip on LSD, one of them will date a chick who... how do I put this... studies Scatology, and there will be a murder mystery that has to be solved. Season two will be shorter and the stories clearer. We also, thanks you the generosity of creator/producer Jarred McShane, will have some new equipment. All so very chic. I know, I know, you're saying, "Z-Tron-4K, how could you drop so many hints to the one and only web-series I watch and love?" I do it for you, the great unwashed. I have to tell you a funny story, but it's going to be vague. So, there's this chick right? And she spent the night right? And she says, "I sometimes talk in my sleep, I hope that's okay?" Of course says I, not a problem. I sleep like the dead. Fast forward to about seven am when she starts talking in her sleep, correction, yelling in her sleep: "No! No! No! Stop! Don't do it!" Now, the hero of this picaresque starts to panic a bit. Talking in your sleep is one thing but subnambually crying assault is another. What would my roommates think! So I calmed her and woke her, and everything was kosher, until it happened again like four nights later and then again last night. She swears she can't remember what she dreams about. I swear I can see the inside of a jail after the neighbors hear. Wonderful. Anyhoo, long story brought to the quick and I'm Audi like a foreign car. |
| ... and do so quickly cause I have little time. So last night, this 14 year old kid on Funnyordie.com started ripping on RUMIEZ, but he specifically wants to know who writes the show. So I show myself, proudly, I write it, damn it, and my mom says I do a good job too! I also dissed his mom. So, apparently, this kids mom died of cancer last year... ... now who's the ass-hole? ME. He proceeded to blog about us, how much we suck, and then he blogged, under the headline "AGENT ORANGE IS A TOOL", about how much I look like Harold Ramis, and that he and his cousin make better movies, and how much over done shooting in the basement of a house is, etc. etc. etc. Now, I'm amazed, and I feel so bad about the kid's mom that I don't respond and take my lickings (Cam did respond). Then the kid makes a mistake, he tells me I should watch a good movie like "Trading Shifts". What is that? That my friends is a movie I made in high school! THIS ISN'T A 14 YEAR OLD WITH A WEIRD CRUCH ON HANNAH MONTANA BUT A COUSIN OF MINE!!!!!! We shot "Trading Shifts" in my basement, we dressed up like the Ghostbusters for Halloween and I was Eagon! That douche bag! So "Brett" has now apologized to me and let me know that I'm not a tool and rather cute to boot, but I thought I had taken a verbal piss on a dead mum for a night. Sheesh! Sorry I don't have time to hang out more but there's ladies waiting on me... or, just a tuna melt I got from the deli. Either way, it's gonna get sexual  . |
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