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THE MANIFESTO REMIX You've been pwn'd by ☡.☠ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| ... and tell me why Chinese people don't splash? Have you watched the Olympic diving? They don't make a splash! In fact, they actually seem to pull the water behind them like their butts are acting as wet/dry vacs! It's utterly amazing. Americans, we splash. The Australians barely splash, but they still do. It's the Chinese, they are defying physics and not splashing! Sure it's cool for Olympic diving, but imagine when you were a kid and playing at the pool, how ineffective not splashing would have been. Cannonball! buleep. That's the sound of not splashing when you dive. The Chinese don't splash when they deuce either! buleep The biggest splash I saw all day yesterday was Biden announced as Obama's Veep. (Barump-bump) Time for McCain to choose C.Rice as his running mate. Or maybe that goiter on his face... he does polish it and love it so. Whatev, yo. I'm just happy the US men's b-ball team won. About damn time! buleep |
| ... much obliged to the beat Gods. I've been watching movies like a mugga-bubba. Getting spiced up for tackling RUMIEZ 2.0 and our usual spoofs and pin-point, intellectual satire that you've come to know so well. Cameron and I watched a film from Hong Kong called You Shoot, I Shoot about a hit-man who has to find himself a filmmaker to document his hits. A wonderful dark comedy and satire of filmmaking. You'd have to Netflix that one. Tonight we start a Takeshi Miike festival. Zebraman I believe is the jump off. Asian cinema is bounding ahead in the global view of the art. Just look at how many English language remakes are done of Asian films each year. I believe next month we will be treated to Bangkok Dangerous, a Pang Brothers film, now starring Nick Cage. Weeee-yoooo! Nick Cage... that's... that's great. You have to go to the source to get the good stuff though. The Good, The Bad and the Weird and Sukiyaki Western Django (by Miike) are two to keep your eyes peeled for if you go in for some Asian delight. The later of those two stars and is narrated by Quentin Tarantino, which a lot of people (no matter what you think of QT as a person) see as the ultimate combination; he and Miike together. Oh, I could bore you all night with movie stuff, but I won't do that, not to you anyway. |
| ... that gymnasts are the most caddy chicks in the world. Did you see Nastia Liukin after she missed out on the gold last night? She lost to 28 year-old Chinese athlete He Kexin. "She is so f  king ugly! Ewwww! Did you see her make-up, LOL."But Liukin was never more on point than after the US ladies lost the team event. "Ugh! Shawn-J! Did you see Sacramone lose it for us! Her and her stupid 20 year-old boobs! Boobs are stupid... and so are periods." They call Nastia "Nasty", a nickname she got, and continues to build on, every night on the team bus. If any of her teammates fall asleep she up and rips ass on their slumbering heads, forcing the poor child to wake in a cloud of confusion and Liukin flatulence. Could you imagine what it would be like if all those girls were 21! A gaggle of tiny voiced, horse thighed, small people walking up to the club door. "What's the cover tonight Mr.Doorman?" While all he hears is "Squeak, squeak, squeak." What it boils down to is a group of girls who like to wear make-up and sequins forced to compete... "She may have beaten me on the uneven bars, but I beat her face in pretty." I was thinking back to the golden age of gymnastics... the literal Golden Age, when it was all about the sport. Now it's about shoe contracts, and selling iPhones. Shawn Johnson, sell-out, she must be raking in the millions as we speak. |
| ... art. We are at the precipice. The precipice of RUMIEZ 2.0. This next time out will prove to be a journey for our audience. One of humor and self-discovery. My goal is to start an honest to God foco of local, unpaid talent and procurers. A network. A grassroots movement based in guerrilla art, video vandalism and imaginative insurgency. Straight off the streets mind you. We need extras and bit players, props and locations. How to? A fund/conscious raising kegger. $5 at the door gets you into the party and onto our phone tree. How would you like to help? Let us know, and then ask "What can RUMIEZ 2.0 do for me?" Consider it done, young buck. At this point we have to run the show like a political campaign, almost going door to door to raise awareness, and, obviously, having to raise funds to keep the show going. After all, we're empty handed street urchins. In any event, as we have to play it like a campaign, might as well make it a fun campaign, like Winter Palace fun. |
| ... always got to hold me down? Yesterday I caught the flak for not shaving... I had stubble. So what? I'm no professional, it was never a problem before, so why now? What they don't understand is my whiskers are of steel, tempered in the fires of revolt and struggle. How much can a man know of himself if he's never grown out the hair? Indiana Jones had stubble and it landed him some dames. The stub is in! I need my stub! My face suffers enough as it is, allow me the stub to cover it up! It has been scientifically proven that the ladies like a Zack with a stubblicious face. I look rugged and like I work in the lumber industry. I look like the kind of guy who would give that special girl the night of her life, man-style, before giving her cab fare to get home. Would I call her back? Doubtful, but then she probably thinks Jesus will return in her lifetime too. Faith keeps us going. What happens if I need to smooth out a shelf I'm making and I run out of high grade sandpaper? If I don't have my stubble to rub down the oak, what would I do? It serves a practical purpose as well. More to the point though, I'm 27, I'm a MAN, a full grown, balding man. Who's to tell me where to clear-cut follicles? I don't respond well to authority as it is! If you want my stubble, you'll have to shave it from my cold, dead face! Have you taken this yet?
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| ... Fantasy Football needs a smack to the face. There has been nothing fantastic about it this year. We've been drafting for I don't know how many days now, being that everyone thought an off-line draft would be more convenient. BOGUS. Whatev... I'm still gonna win. Go to Lauriemariepea  's blog (LMP on the left) and watch the maddeningly hysterical video with the kids re-enacting the feature trailer to "Dark Knight". Genius, you'll laugh till you shoot milk out your nose (even if you aren't drinking milk).Then go visit elleetwombly she's new and never got her WdC gift basket. I never did either for that matter, and I so wanted the scented soaps. Then go to hell... you heard me... ... ... Naw, I kid, you's my peoples. I'm going to be at work all day because of conferences in Buffalo. I skipped the dang thing on Tuesday and then again on Wednesday and now have to man the fort while everyone goes to this Elk hall in BFE to listen at people talking. BOGUS. We're out of coffee too... and I'm starving broke till tomorrow... today sucks already. ...I so wanted my gift basket...  |
| ... China, you would have picked the cute girl too, don't lie. Let's ask the American advertisers which girl they would have picked shall we? But did you know that, on television, some of the fireworks were faked? Apparently, for the helicopter shots the TV cameras were going to get, the full on show would have been too dangerous. So, they fired off a chunk early, then the rest in real time, and NBC super-imposed the two together. Yeah... stupid China, faking fireworks... so NBC could super-impose them. Sheesh! I think people like ripping on China. I have no problem whatsoever with our Eastern pals though. "They imprison reporters!" Not with any great regularity, our prison system is much larger than China's. "They crush free speech!" Did anyone see the 2004 Democratic National Convention? The NYPD is fairly adept in the Hegelian Dialectic: Create a riot so we have a riot to stop. China isn't our problem. The next Olympics held in the US, whenever that may be, I'm going to really nitpick the US broadcasts and everything. I'll keep a tally and we'll see how many differences there are between the two events. Last night I saw a "Wide Angle" where our pasty white, older male reporter challenges the Chinese woman he's interviewing with this bit: "Why does China believe it can be the best at everything? There is no other country in the world that would make that claim." Um, whu? I think the US does every time it farts. "You smell that Latvia? That's the remnants of over-production flowing out of me from under-consumption... ahhhhhhh" Whatev, that broad from "Memoirs of a Geisha" is banging hot, fer real. |
... strip poker: Stay dressed!  I have just declared it International Bad Joke Day, the Chinese have set up a tent at the Olympics to focus on the history of bad jokes, beginning with the creation of man! Give me your best, bad-joke and I'll give you my worst, good-appreciation. You could get a prize! There are lots of people who like prizes, take my wife, no, please take her! Be sure to PUN-ctuate your sentences! I once shot a nun in Amsterdam! But try and keep your bad-joke classy. The WRITING (DOT) COM: THE MUSICAL campfire has begun, sort of, the randomly selected name from my hat (or just going straight down the blogotron list to the left) was In Your Dirtiest Pants and neither of us know what we are doing. So, in a few weeks time, the musical may actually begin. Isn't that just awesome! Doesn't that pique your interest! Aren't I someone to know and brag about to your friends! Hold still while I condescend your face.In any event, I want to see bad jokes in my comments and Megan Fox in my room. Yowsers, she lives up to her namesake. |
| ... observations. I watched some of the Olympics yesterday. Swimming and gymnastics mostly as TV schedules decide which sports I get to see (Um, field hockey please). The primary event, as I understand it, in any olympiad is the advertising. That takes up about ninety percent of the time. Over-analyzations, another popular event, takes up another nine percent. I think NBC and Bob Costas (St. Louis represent) are going for the gold. The olympics are foreign policy worth cheering for. When the US beat the French in the 400m relay, who could help but cheer. After all, that one French guy was talking smack, and smack talkers get no soup! And the victory wasn't even measurable, so FOX news can't really make fun of the French (although they will). Our US basketball team is the toast of China as the NBA is uber popular there. I bet they could get an answer on Tibet. In any event here are some observations I made last night:  Women's Gymnastics is more like Teenager Gymnastics, except for this one 33 year old German bird... they should really make the gymnastics illegal, cause it's illegal to look at all those girls anyway, it's just wrong! Those outfits, their insanely muscular frames, 16 year olds tumbling in floor routines...I like women's gymnastics.Do you think there's as much snot in the olympic pool as there is in your public pool? On the subject of swimming, every world record is getting crushed this year which would make me (were I a member of the IOC) start drug testing the swimmers AND the water just to be safe.The president is still there. War in Russia, war in Iraq, failing economy, Isaac Hayes passes away, and this guy is watching 16 year olds tumble in floor routines.The president likes women's gymnastics. NBC loves to analyze everything. "I think, Bob, he lost the race because at the north west corner of the building is the air duct, and them ducts suck energy from humans." "No, Dan, I think he lost the race because he went slower than everyone else, and, dare I say, sucks."It's a great honor for any athlete to make the olympic team, but apparently Coca-Cola, Home Depot and McDonalds find it a greater honor to profit off of them.Ho-hum, who can tell me where the 2010 winter olympics are being held? And is there such a thing as snow volleyball? |
| ... in 3-D. Being a film school grad means you know a lot of fun-facts about movies. You learn to love your nerdy film knowledge in school because you spend all day around the same types of people. Your circle of discussions really do seem like a Greek Gnostic academy, with us arguing the philosophies and divinities of "The Industry". Then, one day, we'll say four years on, you become self-aware, and wake to reality. You hear your own voice saying: "No, Naked Lunch was directed by the same guy who did eXistenZ, named David Cronenberg. Surely you've heard the name? You did realize that the main character was played by Peter Weller, yes? The same guy who played in Robocop, hummm?" After this monologue you smack yourself 3 NO! 8 times in your own face for being so nerd-tentious. But it only gets worse! We've all seen it, if not participated in one - NERD FIGHT. This is where two nerds square off, Warriors style, in a competition of nerd-wit. What year did the original Battlestar Galactica go off the air? Did or didn't Alf return to his home planet? Ugly affairs if ever there were, and they leave the surrounding parties feeling nothing but a sad, sad bit of pity for the two squaring off. Personally, I enjoy being a nerd. There's nothing more comforting to me than the self-satisfaction I get for finishing a book on nothing but Malcolm X's first four speeches, or the making of Natural Born Killers. I would much rather wrap myself in a YouTube hunt for the missing footage from the Twilight Zone movie than wrap myself up with a woman... I'm so lonely.THE MANIFESTO REMIX official nerd anthem, and oldie but a goldie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJvxEjGpIqU I dedicate this to Problematic Content who will mock me for... everything. |
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