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THE MANIFESTO REMIX You've been pwn'd by ☡.☠ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| was not just a bad movie, but is also February. And we all know what happens in February... MARDIGRAS!!!!!!!! ....and I work during it. F-ing B mutha F-ing S. Oh well, Mardi Gras is played out. If I want to drink all day and check out weak moralled babes hang out of windows topless I can do that on my free time. I don't need a specified weekend for it. For some reason this year, going downtown to the Gras just doesn't appeal to me like it did in the past. What's this? Have I matured!?!?!?! Nope, just in need of a different, a less commercial burn out than what I've had in the past. I have no desire to stand in the cold for eight hours drinking flat beer, waiting for an hour to use a defunked port-o-potty. I've been there, done that and I'm ready for a new party. And I have devised that party: ZACKY-MA-GRAS On Zacky-Ma-Gras chicks are topless and remain so until they've collected enough beads to cover themselves up. That adds something to the party Mardi Gras never had: incentive. The beer is imported and expenisve, this way no tool will want to throw the stuff around and no one will have to walk in a soupy mix of cig butts and bud light. There will be no parade, but spontaneous congo lines are encouraged. Education will be each years theme, this way people get smarter by partying, and the hopeless incompetents (from states like Nebraska, Kansas and Maine) will avoid the party. This is not an annual event either. It happens 24 times a year! The first and last Saturday of every month! Now, that's what I call a tasty party. On to another topic also related to my mad scientistisms. I am formulating a myspace plan that will require your participation, let me know if you are down for pranking the hell out of some unwitting friends of mine. Devious! I love that word! And am getting it tatted across my forhead, backwards, like an ambulance ya dig? And Ashley: I am applying to Paul's country but let's make a deal: I'll visit Canada before I blow if I'm accepted, and if I'm not, Montreal has a film school as well. Canadian tuxedos for everyone! |
| ....thinks I'm cute. Little do she know I can never talk to her again now. But enough about that. It's like twenty after four here in the Lou, and I have just gotten home after a second night of inventory at the store. Have you ever done inventory in a department store? Cause if you haven't...the forms in ladies lingerie start to look real nice after about 1am. If there is one thing working retail again has got me motivated for it's something else. I'm getting my apps ready this week for Goldsmith's, University of London; University College Dublin, and Dublin City University. Not only are they abroad but they apparently do not require a GRE. SCORE!!!! So, if all goes well, next fall I could be writing this from London, or Dublin, or still from St. Louis. Stay tuned. Because I've been all tied up in inventory I haven't had much time to read what you write. Your wordsmithery has been neglected by me. Never fear, I have two days off in a row and intend to catch up with you all. It's back to my study of quantum vernacularity as it relates to a unified field blogum. I can't wait! I have a feeling LMP has some funny stuff I've been needing to read, Sugar's still rocking with the FPM, and Drago is having regular BMs on her blog. Ha ha, she's the only one who would let me get away with that! |
| .....aaaaaaaaand begin: welkerdeb is the schnit. She bought me a membership while the rest of you laughed at me and my poverty. Guess I know who my real friend is around here, ain't that right Deb. Naw, spun2sugar called me too. Actual telemaphonation operation. No one else calls me, especially not chicks, so , yeah, what's up now! So, as you noticed, my membership expired and then I was putting off upgrading (cause I was trying to upgrade my social life, get me a totally yellow briefcase if you know what i mean), and rarely visited here. But today I saw that I did indeed exist here, thanks to Deb. That's the short of it. The long of it: Syphillis is a difficult disease. Since contracting it from that circus performing monkey I shared needles with, I have been struggling with day to day activities. My performance at work has suffered, and that's pretty serious when you're an air traffic controller. What else has happened....Oh, my mom divorced me and we had to put my wife in an assisted living home. My dog died too. I told him I'd shoot! That mutt never listened to me. So, now that I know I still have a soul here, I will be reading your stuff, trying to catch up and hopefully staying on top of my game. Enjoy your weekends and be prepared to catch me on the flip. |
| ..... at Shop-n-Save where every sabbath is WaCkY double coupons (COWABUNGA)! Hello ladies, been a while since we sat by the fire, listened to the cassette deck, and shared a glass of Thunderbird. How have you been? What's going on behind those mysterious eyes of yours? Can I sing you a song I wrote? It's called "The Test Came Back Negative (So My Love is Still Positive)", and it goes a little something like this: The Blood work they do tries to catch the taint my love gives to you, the virus I spread to your heart. Remember that night? Candle light and moonshine, pleasures just a zipper away. Now on this day, we find if the herp is here to stay, I gots only one thing to say... (refrain) If that test is negative, then my love is positive, lets keep on a doin' a what we been doin' don't try and condom my heart Then it just kind of repeats and fades, and then it goes to the bridge for the guitar solo and the keyboard anthem and what not and so forth (in my mind, it sounds like a Jimmy Buffet tune). So yeah, as you can see I've started my own band LEE HARMONY OSWALD (Yeah, I used that joke before, but I thought it was so funny I would bring it back). We're on tour this month in Chicago, Detroit and some place called Kitchner. I hope the pay-out is enough to get what I've always wanted: A Mazda Miata, cause they're so cool. Other than the band I have been up to nothing. Work sucks, but then I guess it would be a hobby if it was fun. I keep looking for the 2007 Writer's Market but I can't find it anywhere. My contract with my screenplay agent is running out in the next few months and I think, both parties, will probably opt out. Who needs an agent anyway? Not me! I sell on my good lucks (kill 'em with a wink and a smile!) and social graces. Anyhoo, I gotta go gas up the tour bus, oh, did I say bus, I meant car. And did I say tour, cause I meant...not tour. What ARE you going to do with all that junk in your trunk? I'm out! |
| Two days in a row! Slap my ass, coach! It was good to hear from you all again. I felt like I was gone forever. You still taste the same though and makes me happy. So over this holiday season I was placed in charge of two rabbits. Two great big, furry little guys with pointy ears and twitching noses. I was offered fifty dollars to see that their cage is cleaned, they're fed and all that. I get paid after their mother gets home, so I figure this simply means I have to keep them alive. Rabbits aren't as funny as I thought they'd be. They don't cross-dress, crack wise, or trick hunters as a series of documentaries from back in the day lead me to believe. That's what I get for putting faith in Warner Brothers. I think the coolest thing though is that their owner has a leash for them, so you could take them walking (or hopping). There's a female rabbit and a male rabbit and the chick'bit may as well be the guy'bit, she's constantly molesting the poor fellow. I observed her dry humping the dude's face yesterday. All this has made me want to get a pet, nay, a beast to call my own. Dogs are cliche, cats are too easy and rabbits are two tame. I want a Falcour! That flying dog from The Neverending Story! It could take me to work and then I'd leash him to the bike rack. What about a kangaroo...a MUTANT kangaroo! I would teach it to talk and fight, and I could name him "Bubba". Twinks, what's the going rate for a kangaroo? OH! I have it! The greatest pet of all time would be: A Viking. I want a viking to call my own. "Bad Fjord! Until you're housetrained I'm gonna leave you in the shed!" Ho-Hum, what were we talking about? Pets you jack ass! Isn't this the tool that wrote about blogging a BM? Anyhoo, pet suggestions welcome. Later. |
| My resolution: Blog more, eat less. Then I can blame my bulbous gut on inactivity and not being a glutton for the pleasure foods. How was everyone's New Year? Mine? Jank, but that's neither here nor there. 2006 was a good year for some, and a horrible year for others, like those who died. We lost some great entertainers this year like Steve Irwin, Barney Fife and Saddam Hussein. World leaders were kicking the bucket at a premium too, Gerald Ford and Pinochet bought the farm and then one imprisoned its workers and the other taxed them. 2006 was just okay for me. I found all of you and we shared some good times, some bad times, why, I have a retrospective right here! 2006 at WdC started off magically for me. I signed up and logged onto an internet community of people just as geeky, just as desperate for attention as I was. I met Tin first and she made a pass at me from GO and hasn't stopped yet. Gabbles and I hung out some over the summer. Ean came into my life, made a pass at me, then left. There's Paul who never made a pass at me, but I think will soon. Kare, Alfred, Problematic...all have made passes. Deb made her first pass at me in April, and now, in January is coming back for seconds. Suga's passes are sweet, Drago's are totally S&M styled, and Maricor's are...non existent (she uses the hard to get method). Ashley makes the most razor thin of passes, trying to slice away at my Vietnam-vet-esque mental barriers. No matter how many times you guys hit on me though, we always enjoyed laughing. Sometimes we've cried though too. Not all of our blogs are good all of the time, sometimes we drop a cyber BM on these pages, but we always forgive cause we're clique tight. Remember when cliques was a hot topic here? Remember how we kicked all the feebs out of our clique so we would remain the coolest kids here? I'm so glad we did that. Remember how we used to make fun of that one ugly girl? Remember how bad it hurt when I dumped you? Or how bad it hurt when I left you with Zack Jr for my secretary (custody battle still pending). Remember when I asked you if you enjoyed being handcuffed and you said yes, but apparently you just said that to make me happy cause you DID NOT like being handcuffed. Remember when we went to clinic together and found out we were both disease free? Remember... Wow, what a year! I hope this year is even better! Maybe this year the war stops, the world hugs itself and Jesus forgives us our sins! Maybe this year I get rich and famous and martyred. Perhaps, just perhaps, this year...The live action Transformers Movie will rock balls and the prophecy will be fullfilled (it's somewhere in the bible). Well, no matter what you did for New Years I hope it was fun and safe and whatever you resolutions are I hope you stick to them and blah, blah blah, you get the idea. Piss off 2006! Your hotter, younger sister 2007 is still naive and vulnerable. |
| ...the Zack-a-tron 4K (only WdC friends) HOTTEST CHICKS IN FRIEND THINGY: Ashley FUNNIEST BLOG: Paul MOST PHILLIPINO: Merri MOST AUSSIE: Tin MOST HAIR Drago MOST LIKE A MISSOURIAN: Sugar MySpace sorta bores me. I thought it would be all broads and hookin' up. I still only hook up with me!!!! Give Alvin the freaking hoola-hoop already! Christmas is here! |
| ....so did they dealt. Dear Santa: I have been fairly good this year and for this reason believe I should get whatever I want for X-Mas. What I want is the original Voltron toys, socks and my own personal Short Round, just like Indiana Jones had in the second movie. I would use this Short Round on my adventures abroad and at home. He could do my taxes and read my correspondence and write at WdC for me. I would like him to be preprogrammed to say "No time for love, Dr. Zack!" for those times when my libido gets in the way of the mission at hand. He doesn't have to be Asian, and in fact could be an adult midget (or "human fumble" as they are sometimes called). Thank you in advance, Zackimus Prime Dear Mr. Prime: Our records indicate you have been very naughty indeed this year. You've flown the bird at fellow drivers on the highway, cursed in front of your mother and kicked an orphan for, as you said, "shits and grins". You cheered when Anakin Skywalker joined the dark side and have been making monitary donations to the terrorist organization known as the Decepticons to fight the Go-Bots (we belive you meant Autobots though). On top of this you lack a social sensitivity that our good boys and girls posses. You refer to midgets as "human fumbles", fart in church and claim its the Devil's work, ask old people not to die when they are ahead of you in line at the supermarket (so you don't have to wait for the "mess" to be cleared up), and you pretend to vomit in your mouth when a "fugly" girl walks past. And while we are on the topic of females your harassment of this particular sex is extremely naughty. "Copping feels" on a "fit bird" to see how many times you can get away with it is not an "aristocratic persuit" as you claim. Mr. Prime, it is for these reasons you will recieve no gifts from Mr. Clause this year and we hope that you will improve your behavior in the future. Thank you and good day, Lt. Dinky Dorfus Behavior Monitoring Unit Santa Inc. |
| How about I update your face! Sooooo tired, sooooo bored, sooooo wanting to touch a hiney, any hiney, BRING ME A HINEY, SERFS!!! Does anyone watch G4 TV? If you don't, let me tell you bouts it. It's a network entirely devoted to video games, techy stuff, and (after midnight) boobs and farts. I'd watched the network back in the day when it was called Tech TV and then about two years ago it flipped to G4 (Games, Gadgits, Gizmos and ....and...Gear?). They rate and review video games, give out cheat codes, yaddi-yaddi. The best part is, all this info comes from the mouths of some very fiesty foxes. Morgan Webb = Fox, Kirstin Holt = Uber Fox, and this British chick who needs a spanking...a proper spanking. What better TV for a dude than video games and broads? The network's advertsing has worked too. I signed up for a gamefly acount (think netflix only video games) and dusted off my old ST:TNG action figures. So, tonight, I thought we'd take a look at Zack in five years after continuous G4 watching: At the age of thirty, single and working at FYI, Zack decides to start a diet. His gut, hanging dangerously below the potty-splash zone, is in need of some tucking. Bald and nearly friendless, he also signs up for a match.com account hoping to meet a woman who reminds of Dr. Crusher in appearance, Barberella in personality, and a female version of Worf in the sack. His one and only claim to fame, at this point, was writing the comprehensive Wikipedia page concerning the bit characters from Red Dwarf. His only hero is the Hamburgler and he continues to pleasure himself to the songs of Dead Eye Dick. Wowsers! That's ugly! Maybe I should watch more PBS...but then they'd expect me to donate money. |
| ...fistfull-harassment-booty grab of the Northstar!!!! (If you get that reference, tell me, we have a lot to talk about). I am working too much!!!! 800 hours today, literally!!!! Tomorrow is my new sister in-law's 21st birthday! Wow, hitched before she could buy a cocktail...who'd-a-thunk it? So, a happy B-Day to Maegan Denson Bower-Power-Sox. I will be working all day, and then trying to catch a few hours with their party wagon before reposing to work ten hours Sunday. I've decided on two things: The first, I think the new UN SecGen will focus a lot of attention on North Korea, and the second that I was not made to work. This whole "God fad" America is in right now, suits my purposes just fine in this situation. You see, I say: "God made me shiftless and lazy. Why demean or taunt one of God's flock?" To which they must reply: "You're absolutely right, stay at home and collect a check." That's what we in the industry call a win-win. I get to stay home, and God's work be done here on Earth. Amen. I was thinking tonight that maybe I've been too selfish here at WdC. That I spend what little time I have here writing this nonsense, when I should really read what you've got to say. I'll get back to my usual self soon enough, until then, I hope you find updates fruity..er...fruitfull. But because I haven't been able to read everyone's stuff everytime I've sat down, I've had to make up stories about what I think is going on with you. Ashley has been fishing in Maine with a Latin love slave she named Dirk. Tin shot a guy in T.J. and is on the run. Twinks bought a pet pig and...that's it, she has a pig now. Deb shot a guy in T.J. and is on the run as well. Paul is in T.J. trying to figure out who murdered two guys. Kare has just won an arm wrestling tournament. Alfred lost a limb only to have it replaced with a robotomic-automatonic arm with lasers. Ean went on vacation to T.J. with Nobody, neither has been heard from, and the stories go on and on. I'll be back, sooner, better, gooder and funner! |
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