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THE MANIFESTO REMIX You've been pwn'd by ☡.☠ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| WAINRIGHT, DAMN RIGHT WAINRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What's that taste in your mouth New York???? Oh, that's just my TAINT that you'll be licking as we from the MUTHA FUCKIN' CARDINALS NATION stroll on to the World Series. To: spun2sugar, welkerdeb, and the other CARDINAL fans on this site......WE DOEN WON US WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By the bye: From Debs in Re: to Game 6: If the cardinals win I will run through your blog naked. We all need to see if that stands true for game seven! Come on fellas! Yeah, it's a drunk blog, what of it! We won the mother fucking penant peeeeepolll!  to all you lovely ladies cause I am PLASTERED....not to say I wouldn't sober, it's just easier for me morally while I'm WASTED!!!!!!!Good night all, I'm going out to get crunk with my fellow Louians! |
No worries people, remember what I said a few months back? Let me remind you: "We're a patient team, like that sensitive boyfriend all girls wish they had, making sure the first time is the perfect time. "Thank you no," we said. "This should be special." (from "Invalid Entry"  ) Game seven will be special!Moving on, so I think I have a new job. I had my second interview with an art store today (craftily named Art Mart, how many other art stores do you think are named that out there? This one isn't a chain, it's family owned). Went well, nailed it. The thing is, this is a humongous pay cut from what I was making. More so than the job I did not take. This is about my happiness though, where do I want to be if I have to work McJobs? The answer is dead, but since that might piss my mom off, I'll work at Art Mart. Yesterday it seemed that zombie pimp was the popular choice. Too popular to be a fair election. So, I'll leave it up, we'll see what happens, but a recount is indeed in the near future. Exit polling and the actual tally do not match up. I had a dream last night, Ashley and Ean listen up, that I was in Toronto or Kirtchner, Kitchner, Kitchen (that place where Ash lives). Anti-climatic. Ashley was only half interested in my being there and Ean left me at a bar....seriously, i dreamt I was in Canada and Ean left me at a bar....what's that dream trying to tell me? Well, for starters, the fact that I'm dreaming about Ashley tells me one thing: Canadian chicks are do-able. That's right, i need to expand my search north of the border, where it's all aboot the Moose knuckle (ask your parents). Secondly, the fact that Ean left me at a bar tells me that Canadian men will not enjoy my tresspassing onto their native (although ganked from England) soil. "But wait, Zack. You said Ashley wasn't interested in your Canadian visit? How's aboot that, eh?" That simply tells me, and Ashley, that she's a lesbian. Cause no chick would be able to not care about me being within touching distance......ask Gabby. Yesterday I made another faux pas (thank you Jay's debut novel is out now!   ). I forgot to put a decimal point between the 2 and 36 in the title of the 2.36 PART SERIES DEVOTED TO THE SOCIAL WORKERS. This has in turn pissed off the National Coalition for the Advancement of the Decimal and Vanishing Point. So today it's a two part tribute, in what I like to call. A TRIBUTE TO DECIMAL SOCIAL WORKERSToday: Juanita Browningberg Juanita Browningberg (of the famous Oslo Browningbergs) developed a ten point plan to raising orphans. She first implemented the plan in the now infamous Pope Pius the XI School for Orphans and Lepers in Anunchiarico, Italy. The plan was widely critiscised by scholars who noted that 6 of the ten points were "a switching to the backside". Juanita braved this storm and went on the establish three more Orphanages that used what came to the known as the The Browningberg Bottom Bruising Education and Anti-Satanizing System. In 1711, at the age of 37, Browningberg tragically died during sexual intercourse with donkey, but her 10 point (Or decimal) system lived on forever. Until it was replaced in 1807 with the Susan Blow "Blow-Job" method which used only 3 points of switching and 7 of how to sell orphans into slavery. Hence, the term "blow-job" has become synonimous with pleasing your master. Browningberg, I feel I've done you justice! |
| .....the CARDINALS are gonna GeEeEeEeEeT YoUoUoUoU. Chris Carpenter is pitching tonight. Pujols has found his swing with the hurt hammy. We are going to destroy that stupid top hat with the apple in right field at Shea....anyone know what I'm talking about? Remember when Alyssa and I had that bet? (Where is she by the way?) Yeah, who's up now Boston? Bean Town? Naw, BITCH town is more like it. Awww, it's good to be the king. Okay, so yesterday my homeslice dragonfly~guess who's back?  got pulled by the WdC fuzz for using the word "jerk" in an E rated piece. I don't know about you, but I think that's a bit heinous. Jerk? You serious Story Master? I'll tell you what it is [ZACK IS ABOUT TO LOOSE THE VAST MAJORITY OF HIS READERS] It's American Evanglism!"Jesus wouldn't say jerk!" He might. "Judas, you jack-ass! I was looking to tap Mary Mags!" "The son of God wouldn't say such a thing! You white-honky bitch bastard!" Are we not all the children of God? Do we not say such things? That's the thing about America though. There's a small majority of very motivated letter writers that cause networks and the likes to censor things to such a rediculous point that it makes a naive representation of life. Jesus had a sense of humor people! That blind guy, he gave sight to, remember that? Yeah, his wife was brutal: "You, hehe, you want your sight back? Aiight, check out the broad you're hitched to! Woof, woof....my son." Okay, enough of that. John Waters, my homes from school, remember? He left for Grad-grad and this weekend he returns. So what better way to welcome him than with a Halloween party!?!?!?! Saturday night we'll all dress up like cowboys, indians and hookers (hopefully) and throw down some lager and embarass ourselves. That's a Ziggy-Z partay! So: [Linked Poll's access is restricted.] Vote now! In closing, here at the Remix yesterday I made a comment about Jenn's therapy being "not the kind that talks people down from ledges". Well, that was a fauxpa (as was the spelling of that, 100 Gps for giving me the correct spelling, and.....begin). She reminded me that her therapy is the kind that stops people from slitting their wrists and the like. If there's one thing we hate here at the Remix offices it's mistakes, but if there's one thing we love it's overkill in making up for them. So, here is the first part of a 236 part series devoted to Social Workers called: A 236 PART SERIES DEVOTED TO THE SOCIAL WORKERS Today: Jane Addams. A co-founder of Chicago's Hull-House social settlement, Jane Addams was a reformer whose efforts earned her the 1931 Nobel Peace Prize (shared with Nicholas Murray Butler). Addams and her longtime companion Ellen Gates Starr founded the Hull-House settlement in 1889 as a center for social services for poor immigrants. Within a few years Addams had broadened her goals to include legislative protection for women and children, advocating women's suffrage, a juvenile court system, labor laws and compulsory education. She also became internationally famous as an advocate for peace and was a founder of the Women's Peace Party and the International League for Peace and Freedom. Although her pacifism and efforts at social reform led some to denounce her as an anarchist, socialist or communist, by the end of her career many of the social reforms she advocated had become federal policy. Addams was educated at Rockford Female Seminary (now Rockford College) and graduated in 1881... Her father was a friend of Abraham Lincoln's... Addams was the first American woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize... She was a co-founder of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP). Rock on Jane Addams!!!!! |
Okay, so my friend Jenn I mentioned here once or twice is a social worker. She does therapy stuff you know, not like talking a guy down from a ledge or anything, but like talking a guy off the metaphoric ledges we all encounter in life....or something. So, I was over at LilPaul  's blog and I ganked this social disorder test (http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html) that he ganked from Kåre Enga in Montana  ....then I took it. Results are as follows:Paranoid |||||||||||| 46% 49% Schizoid |||||||||||||| 54% 53% Schizotypal |||||||||||||| 54% 53% Antisocial |||||||||||||| 54% 47% Borderline |||||||||||| 46% 47% Histrionic |||||||||||||||||| 74% 43% Narcissistic |||||||||||| 46% 41% Avoidant |||||| 30% 39% Dependent |||||||||||||| 54% 37% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 34% 40% Okay, the slightly high schizoid part I can explain: As I started taking the test I realized that I do enjoy being alone just as much as I want to be in a social situation. I also realized that I had answered some questions on wanting to be alone or with friends incorrectly, but was too lazy to change them. Hence, I'm a schizo. Narcissistic? Sure, but you knew that. Antisocial? Horse-shit, the test messed up. Borderline? As if! Dependent?.....I don't know, am I? Hell no to OCDs! But wait a minute....Histrionic? That must mean I enjoy history programs on PBS like Ken Burns' Civil War Documentary! Nope, no it sure don't: (From answers.com)In psychiatry, histrionic personality disorder (HPD), or hysterical personality disorder, is a personality disorder which involves a pattern of excessive emotional expression and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness, that usually begins in early adulthood. HYSTERICAL what the fuck! No one's getting hysterical here mugga bubba! I'll cut your encyclopedic throat for that! INAPPROPRIATE SEDUCTIVENESS yeah, so, that's the way she likes it. There is even an mnemonic for it: P - provocative (or seductive) behaviour R - relationships, considered more intimate than they are A - attention, must be at center of I - influenced easily S - speech (style) - wants to impress, lacks detail E - emotional lability, shallowness M - make-up - physical appearance used to draw attention to self E - exaggerated emotions - theatrical PRAISE ME, oh now it's getting rediculous! The sad thing is my brother, my sis-in-law and my dad all studied psychology......how long have they known or suspected! My god, that's why they treat me different! I just wanted to gain their approval and impress them! Now they think I'm crazy!.......was that a bit theatrical? Acting (jazz hands deployed)!!!! I don't think I have this. So why I referenced Jenn, she'll read this probably before she talks to me, is to give her time to make up a valid excuse proving that I in no way exhibit these symptoms, and that I am sane, not just sane, but maybe the sanest man alive. I'm going to chalk this test up to a GOP plot to make the strong, hard-working American liberal think he's crazy so he softens his opinions of President Bush ("Awww, he's fucked up in the skull just like I am, another term for the special guy"). I can make this statement safely as the test has proven I am in no way paranoid....yet. |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** goghvinci rocked my world with this sig, can ya dig? Go check out GV's sig shop!I'm hungry and it's raining and nasty here in the Lou which impairs my ability to want to be proactive. So, I think the CARDS game is cancelled. That works out well for us, because then we'll have our Cy Young contender Chris Carpenter ready for any game. Coach Zack says: "Throw Weaver in Game Five, save Chris for New York". The TIGERS are getting one hell of a rest. That's what happens when you sweep your opponent. Now they really are Tigers, waiting in the bush to attack and eat my Cardinals. But, little do they know, Cardinals are universally known as the Sharks of the air. Big teeth and a love for blood, those are Cardinals. Unlike Pigeons (rats of the air) or humming birds (crack addicts of the air), Cardinals are a bad-ass, ill-tempered bird. To personify them, ladies, they are the guy that rocks your world for a night then doesn't call back. You are so mad, but yet.....it was an amazing night. Rrrrrrroar. (Coincidentally, I'm like that too! Call me ladies: (314) 555-6570) Wanna know what I did today? Jack shit. That's right nothing. I'm a bum. You should see the beard I'm growing! My god, I eveicted a family of field mice from it this morning! I also found a french fry and my 98 Degree tape, good eats, great tunes! Did I ever tell you guys about the time I wrestled a bear? It was 1987, the fall and the trees were a beautiful autumn blanket over the steel cage. You see I was a mountain man, making money in cage fights against animals. Usually deer and turkeys, but someone actually knew a bear willing to fight me. So I was like okay, whatever. It was tight. We went four rounds before I TKOed him. Great bear, his family was nice. We still send Christmas cards. His youngest, Bradley, just got a position in a Yukon stream snagging Salmon. Okay, gonna go get some chicken in me, or the souls of orphans, both satisfying. |
| I'm back from Indy, and now have the daunting task of catching up ahead of me. When I left I was behind so now it's like I've doubled my pleasure (because I'm a sadist and enjoy self made suffering). I have a lot of people to respond to and thank and what not from here, and will get to that shortly. Just wanted to put something in here cause....well, I dunno, so just read this and be happy I did it! Gaawww! So I drove to Indy through the repetitive and furtile Southern Illinois....Oh, I felt the Illinoise! (or if you you're not a Sufjan Stevens fan, the Illi-oi! Illi-oi! Illi-oi-oi-oi! Go MC Chris). That states boring, then you get into Indiana and you know what, that states boring too. So, here's my new foreign policy plan I'm going to share with Congress: Instead of going to other countries and setting up Democratic states....Let's just sell them our boring ones. Utah, GONE. Indiana, GONE. South Dako-NO- both Dakotas, GONE! The people of Iraq could move in to Indiana, there's already an infrastructure in place, great basketball, Krogers, and Waffle Houses. Boom, stop the war, we got a plan. Then, we'll turn Iraq into a playground for deaf and mute children. Um, hello! Social responsibility; Check  !So, I didn't see much of Indy. I got wizz-asted! Watched the CARDINALS shut out the Pond-scum that had joined them on the field, went to some dance club and sweated the children out of my junk. Then went to this chicks apartment we were staying at, slept, then drove home. Boom, that's my weekend. I did get to explain the hoosier to, well, hoosiers. People from Indiana call themselves Hoosiers. If you're from Indiana you are a hoosier. In Missouri, wee use hoosier a lot too, but it means white trash or redneck. It was interesting to see and hear their reactions. The best part was I could say things like "That's a hoosier ass bar" or "You sir have the odor and appearance of a hoosier", and they were all like "Why yes, yes that is a hoosier bar!" or "Thank you very kindly!" SUCKAS! Well, I guess that about covers it. I'm gonna start laundry and turn in early. Tomorrow I will get to all of your e-mails, including the hate mail and e-restraining orders, and we'll chat. OH! And before I forget In Your Dirtiest Pants turned 22 today. She is only three years away from a reduction in her driving insurance and the ability to rent cars from Enterprise! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! |
| I'm going to Indy tomorrow and Sunday, so I'll be away a couple of days, but just remember....ZACK'S ODOR FLOATS ABOVE YOU. Put your hand to the Bower-Power. spun2sugar and welkerdeb, no worries about that game last night. We just gotta take one of the first two away and then we bring it home for three. The Mets are indeed pond-scum and a great country like America would never let pond-scum defeat the CARDINALS....In fact....Fuck New York. And thank you Sug for the Friday the 13th card! Anyhoo, I went and got my oil changed at Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart and rarely ever shop there, they're the arch-enemy of the proletariat and the unionization of the working people of America. But they were the only place I could get my oil changed in under two hours, Friday is apparently a popular day to get your fluids checked in the Lou. I was told that the tires I've been driving on are road hazards....the tread has been smoothed to a nice finish, like the engraving on pottery. What me worry? Danger is my middle name! Let's see if they last going to Indy! Odds? Last night I totally pulled a hammy playing softball. Oh man, it's been so long since I've had a sports related injury. I was whinning last night all the way home, and getting out of bed was a chore. You know what though; I played right through that injury (3-4, 2R, 1 RBI). Take that hamstring! I rule you! So, I had a biblical thought today. Jim pointed out that our neighbor's wife was hot. Yeah, in that mother of one, librarian sort of way. I realized though that his thought was in direct violation of article 4 section 7 of the Ten Commandments: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors booty. Well I was  shocked.....WAIT! Oh man, oh no, I totally just premature emoticated! Oh, this has never happened to me before. I am so sorry, but I swear this is the first time. How embarassing! I'll get a towel.Anyhoo, everybody have a great weekend and I'll be back no later than Monday October 16th....2008. Don't let the man get you down....unless it's this man, then I suggest you stay down! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| ....so many things to cover. Last night, at trivia (which we won twice! That's two buckets of beer for the "Reverse Anal Cowgirls") one of the team names was "One Down, 24 Yankees to Go". Now, I enjoy a laugh, and my initial reaction was a chuckle, but just as soon as I chuckled, I started in with the "Too soon!" chant like the rest of the bar. Just not the right time....nor was the "Did Chuck Lidel have ties too Al Queda?" well recieved. I think being so far from New York, and CARDINAL fans, just dulled the humanistic aspect of our humor receptors....or something. Okay, moving on. I'm pretty busy, gotta go to a softball game soon. I just want to know what happened yesterday! Ladies, did you actually believe that's how I operate? No, no way! Actually, I don't need lines, I just show up and let the ladies check out the goods. You gals like what you see right? I mean....it's so lonely here....can I come over?  I forgot to mention this in my newsletter e-mail: DEADLINE MONDAY 10/16/2006 if anyone has a problem let me know. We'll pump the thing out (that's what she said!) next week. Excited? Boy howdee! Enough of that, let's get serious for a moment. I got smashed last night. I'm talking 3, NO, 4 sheets to the wind. Zack smashed is not a fun Zack, now Zack buzzing or lightly lit, is a fun Zack. When Zack gets lit like a Branch Davidian...boy, it gets depressing. Waking up with FAILURE written on my arm in permenant marker is not kosher. I don't think I did it either! There must have been a marker monkey in my room, waiting to play on my insecurities. Marker-monkeys are not cool in my book, they are ill-tempered, foul smelling, pedantic bastards who wear the same "Hard Rock Cafe" T-shirts they've had since 1997. If you've ever talked to one you realize that they care only for three things: marking on people, watching Gillmore Girls, and reading the classifieds looking for a deal on treadmills. The Bastards! Anyhoo, tonight I got the aforementioned softball game and then I'm gonna relax as much as I can. Maybe read a nice Dickens or Clancy classic, finish that wood burning project (Gangsta 4 Life burned into a nice piece of oak), or scrape the muck stuck to the bottom of my shoes from stepping on the less fortunate in my quick rise to power and money. You know, a regular Thursday night. Yup, that's about it team. GO CARDINALS and GO SQUIDS, that's our softball team. We're undefeated this year...we've won every heart and mind in the crowd. [EDIT] And hey! Who rated this yesterday and didn't send a review!?!?! It was a fiver for Pete's sake! Show yourself.....oh that Marker-Monkey!!!! He's playing with my emotions! Well, thank you whoever you are. |
| But it tastes sOoOoOoOo goOoOoOoOd. Alrighty then, where were we class. I just had a huge flashback and a shiver sent up my spine by spun2sugar's entry. I sometimes forget that the world is shrinking and flattening and those stories from yesterday aren't your own but everyone's now. No matter where or what or how, there's a synchronicity looking to tie you to someone else almost anywhere else....and I will stop before I start quoting Robert Anton Wilson. So, today was boring. I did absolutely nothing except wait on people to call who never call, but want you ready to take their call, when they call, cause your "on-call". Ya' dig? I got a mass e-mail out about the newsletter, if you didn't get it, but want the gist of it let me know. We're on par with a champion team....just gotta keep that loving feeling. It seems like I had a bit worked up for today, something funny happened or what not, but now I can't remember it....wait...wait a minute!!......nope gone. So, let's just talk about Jim. Do you know that sometimes it gets real annoying knowing him? He calls girls three times a night to see what they're doing, not being able to take the hint after call one that they might be busy, or screening his calls, or dead. Lay off, broham, ladies want to be treated like dirt! That's why I've been so succesful over the years. There's today's topic! HOW I SCORE WITH THE LADIES It's easy, you start by scouting the turf, we'll say a sports bar, you want to note the girls who are obviously with out males for starters. Then the ones sitting far away from their male counterparts, these could be first or blind dates gone awry. Okay, next, figure out what league you're playing in, start with appearance: Hottie to the max - Big Leagues Cutie patootie - AAA A Bangel (nice uniform, busted helmet, also known as a butter face) - AA And the just plain busted - Wiffle Ball (too easy for grown-ups to play, but oh so fun) This next part is introspective: What league can you play in? Are you really big league material or should you be starting with the cuties? Be honest, it will save you some embarassment. Now, i always introduce myself as an architect or lawyer, that gets the dollar signs in her eyes, and then I buy her a drink. CONVERSE FELLAS, that's the key, and don't just tell her what you did in high school football, Listen (or at least look like you are). I shouldn't be sharing this tip, it's the Z-Hume "Big Bertha" of the score, but I like you guys, so I wanna help you (I just realized that Ean, Alfred, Paul, and Prob all guys who read this, all in relationships...Kare, pay attention). If you drop this line...four, NO, three minutes till your scoring. Okay, here it is: "I like that shirt, I have something in my pants to match it." If that doesn't work, try these lines: "How do you like your eggs: Scrambled, Poached or fertilized". "....but my friends call me Girthy McLengtherton" If you get desperate, go up to one of the Big Leaguers and just ask "Do you have any friends with low self-esteem" then just let the cards fall where they will. Sorority chicks are a fairly easy mark too, jello shots are like Spanish Fly to them chicks! Okay, I hope I helped you guys out there with the ladies, trust me this stuff works everytime! I have a feeling all the female readers of this (80% of you) will agree that a guy with these tools at his disposal is irresistable! |
| But tomorrow....briefs. I dedicate this to the class of 1999. http://download.yousendit.com/BF24F3DB45C449DA And with that out of the way, let's talk Video Vandalism. I think the interest has fizzled to a near stop. So what I'm thinking is we close out the contest as I had intended, give the entrants a nice little participation prize and then we'll leave it open as a forum for video posts and what not. How does that hit yer gibblets? Anyhoo, I was up late last night working on this video for that campaign. Thought I would have to rush and bumble to get it done, but then today the guy who hired me to do this never called. He was the one that demanded seeing it today! Whatever, I'm over it....but men never call when they say they will and that really pisses me off! I'm going to bury myself in a tub of Ben&Jerry's and when he does call, I'm not going to answer. HA! In any event, I'm tired. Tonight will have to be an easy night. A night of intellectual contemplation and spiritual meditation on such contemporary topics as the Transformers live action movie, or North Koreas nuclear pop quiz, or Bra v. Brain size, you know, the enlightened stuff. Your comments yesterday seemed to center around me turning tricks for money...that's rather flattering in a way, so if you ladies ever need a man-hoe, give me a call, I'm up late (and work cheap  ). Oh, something interesting did happen today. My agent e-mailed me and asked if I had ever thought about moving to LA or New York because it's difficult to work with talent/agents through phone and e-mail. Der, says I, but I've never wanted to live in LA, and New York....well, I think I could pull New York off. My biggest fear of just picking up and moving is not having anything or anyone where I would be going. When I went to London that was different I was like an orphan being cared for by a school. But now, I'm grown up (in appearance) and would have to find a steady job and residency and all that. I don't know something to think about, but then too, my agent has never actually sold anything yet, so why move before it starts generating cash. Eh, whatever, I'll think about it. Okay, so that covers the manifesto, now the remix. You are all douche bags. Start speaking up for the newsletter, volunteering for jobs, articles, whatever, or else....I'll leave, I will walk out that door. They are mocking us as we speak! Tor goes to Wal-mart everyday chuckling cause the young bucks dropped the ball! Do you want Tor chuckling at you! No, you want to impress the guy, so come on let's impress Tor by just keeping the ship afloat. That's what it's come down to, floating. AnD wE aLl FlOaT dOwN hErE |
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