%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Sing it if you understand... |
|
2Am and I'm still awake writing a song If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threaten' the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud And I know that you'll use them however you want to. But you can't jump the track We're like cars on a cable And life's like an hourglass glued to the table, No one can find the rewind button now Sing it if you understand...and breath... ~ Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This blaze was destined for you to be refined My plans for you this battle I had to require Even though, the fire is known to leave ashes behind These ashes will leave in you a God-Given Fire... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This woman prays... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ~ Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion to give unto them Beauty for Ashes the oil of joy for mourning the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness that they might be called trees of righteousness the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. |
It’s a rainy, overcast, cold day here. I wore sandals. Had cold feet all day!  get it... ?Staff meeting from 2:00 – 4:00 –  All branches attended. El Paso crew and Alpine crew. We went around the room and introduced ourselves. Estimated 40 people at this meeting. I did not know who to tell them I was! Phone girl? Girl Friday? Messenger boy? Housekeeper? Coffeemaker? Director of first impressions? I don’t know who I am! My title is Administrative Assistant… but that sounds so boring. I settled with… My name is Jennifer. I’m YOUR assistant. I’m a phone call away! And I looked across the room… at all of em’… smiled and winked, got a round of laughter and My boss spoke up through her laughter and said, Jennifer is the voice of the food bank… Weird… but I had to fight myself… every time somebody introduced themselves and said their title… I wanted to say: “ Hi, whoever… Glad you’re here! KEEP COMING BACK!” but I didn’t… Boss lady went over drug and alcohol policy…  I felt convicted. She said… If you come to work drunk or on drugs… and you fail I random, I love you… but I’m not giving you a job! I kept my head down.  ** I met up with sponsor and Leslie. Good meeting with them. Sheree gave me a book she wants me to read… titled “Hinds’ Feet on High Places” by Hannah Hurnard. She told me to just READ it… Don’t try to analyze… JUST READ… Got ya! SO… I have been pondering who the mystery note person is… not all day but part of the day… I got out a pencil and shaded it… cause it came off of a notepad, small size white college rule notepad… and I thought maybe I will see some writing from the page in front of it… No such luck… Nada. I don’t think it was Carla because she doesn’t know where I live. Well… she does know what apartment complex… but she doesn’t know which apartment and it’s like a maze over here. I park a good distance from my front door because I am right in the middle of the complex. So… She would not know what apartment… nor do I think she would take the time out of her night to come over here and tape a note to my door. Plus, the woman is like fifty years old… I would have she is past these type of actions… plus she don’t drink. Also… Last night it rained hard here. I can’t imagine who would care enough to get out in the rain… to put a note on my door. It HAS to be someone that lives near by… and I’ll tell you why I think this. Someone that lives outside of this complex… I don’t believe would get out in the rain to drive over here with a note pad and a roll of scotch tape… I just don’t think no one gives a damn about me that much, honestly! AND if it was someone that just came by, knocked after I feel asleep (which was like almost 11 last night…) I know there was no knocks before then… I don’t believe that they would have a notepad of such… nor scotch tape in pocket and most likely not in car either. I also think it was some one that was drinking. Why? Because it’s really immature and something a drunk ass would do. And plus the rain… only a drunk would get out in the rain to put a note on someone’s door. It was placed too high up on my door for it to be a kid… so that leaves out little trash taker… And really I didn’t think she would do that… She is just a kid… but this morning I was like… Who could have done this? Any and everyone that I have possibly pissed off… came to my mind. I can’t tell if it is male or female handwriting. It is hard handwriting… there was obviously much emotion behind the pen. The F in Fuck… is like almost as big as the paper itself. It appears that they wrote… Fuck you Then came back after a moment of reflection and wrote You Bitch Bitch is also the hardest written word … looks like they possibly could have broke the pen when writing the last word. And the second Y has a loop in it’s tail… the first Y does not… this shows a pause to me. OKAY… I know… I’m the “figurer outter type”… sucks to be me sometimes… I have two perps in mind… It was either Bobby… he lives two doors down from me. He drinks A LOT. It would be easy for him to get out in the rain with tape and paper… only two doors to walk. I have never seen his handwriting… so I don’t know for sure… but he does have many reasons to call me a bitch. Much time has passed but I know how we drunks are… we live in the past. He would have been thinking about me because of the rain… we spent some rainy days together… not good ones… but rainy none the less. OR it may have been the new girl that moved in directly across from me like three weeks ago. I have been friendly to her. She has no reason to not like me… I only suspect her because she is right there and it would be easy for her too. She does play her music loud… But I have never complained about it because… I just turn mine up louder! But just MAYBE she thought I had complained and was pissed about it? Or it could be my crazy old friend, Rebecca… this is something she would do… but would she care enough to drive over here to do such a thing? I don’t think so… only if she was here in the complex with someone she knew… and just decided to fuck with me. BUT I think she would have knocked on the door and offered to get me high and only after I turned her down would she do such a thing. So honestly… I think it was BOBBY. I think he got drunk… I think he got to thinking about how I moved on with my life. I sent him cards and letters. I sent a basket of cookies and cakes up to his job… sent to him by a flower company because I hit him… I keyed his truck… I did some shit to this man and when I woke up the next morning… I felt like the best part of me ran down my mother’s leg 30 years ago. I was very remorseful. And I kissed his ass and he never even responded…and I eventually forgave myself and I carried on … I don’t think he has yet. But I don’t know! Note is in the trash! Investigator Jen is resigning… My dad told me that once… “ The best part of you ran down your mother’s leg” … Yep! That’s where I got it from… I am going to sleep early tonight. I had to fight my eyes to stay open during the 5:30 meeting AND the staff meeting...the rainy weather isn’t helping much either… Night Night… Take care of yourselves and each other! |
It's hard to fly with the eagles when you work with VULTURES... not vulgars... Gee... I should proof read what I write more often...  |
| I woke up this morning in the usual manner. I prepared myself for the day. Actually took a little extra time to hug and kiss on the fuzz ball. She didn’t act like she was feeling so well last night. She is maybe mad at me cause I refuse to go get her anymore Elegant Medley canned cat food. Nope! Though… it does make me feel so GOOD to watch her be so happy and content. She loves that stuff…Truths? I just haven’t been to the store or else she’d have some more of it. Well… I grab my little frozen red grapes from the freezer along with a fresh pack of smokes. I feed the fish. Grab my AA study bag because as far as I know… as of now I will be meeting with my sponsor this afternoon. As I exit my front door… I turn to lock it behind me and I see a note… a note taped to my door. The note reads: Fuck You You Bitch Just like that. All first letter caps, no exclamation marks. No signature. Black ink.  I believe this was premeditated … because… how many folk go to knock on someone’s door and then because they don’t answer… get all pissed and just so happens they have scotch tape and a notepad in their pocket. Maybe… they had the wrong door. Maybe… it’s a neighbor that thinks I did something to them. Maybe… it’s Mike, my old connect… pissed cause my number is changed and I never answer the door. Though, he hasn’t knocked in a while. Maybe… Randy is out of jail and mad cause I haven’t written to him. Maybe… it was the little girl who takes out my trash and she’s mad cause I don’t utilize her services anymore. Maybe… it is Art, the guy that I have totally blown off because well he’s a goober! I met him drunk… sober… he was not my type! Maybe… I’ll never know who it was… so I might as well just not worry about… Well, we know it wasn’t Shafter! Last time I had a note like this it was from him… only he said something like, My momma don’t even talk to me the way you have done… I’ll never be back! Two days later he was calling again. Anyway! I get to work and there is another NOTE stuck to my computer screen… Good Morning Goober Butt! In red ink, yellow sticky pad… obviously taken from my desk. This one does not appear to be premeditated. I bet I know who wrote that one! SARAH! ...If anyone intends to come after Me, let him deny himself [forget, ignore, disown, and lose sight of himself and his own interests] and take up his cross, and...follow with Me [continually, cleaving steadfastly to Me]. —Mark 8:34 |
| I have more: So Carla promised the volunteers that work at our booth during the fair, double hours. Okay… cool. I understand she is in desperate need for volunteers. Today they are calling and wanting me to give them proof of their hours… and advised me of Carla’s promise, double for their trouble. I talked to Carla. How am I supposed to credit them? She told me to lie… just add a day and put them down for 8 hours that day. I said no. I am not going to sign my name verifying that hours were completed if they were not. Not going to do it… I suggested we write in the correct hours that they donated to the food bank and then make note at the bottom of the slip that we were in desperate need for volunteers and offered double hours. She thought this a good idea. I asked her who approved giving double hours? She stuttered… uh… uh… let me think… uh… yeah, I believe it was Hyta. LIAR! So I told Carla that I will not sign my name to any of the volunteer slips that are being credited extra hours. She said she would sign them. You’re damn Skippy! I may be a bitch but I had a lady wait in the front office for Carla to sign her slip. She waited a good twenty minutes. I got it all ready for them, all it needed was a signature… I was NOT putting mine on it. This is Carla’s deal. I could tell she was a little bothered … We both know she did not gain approval from someone in the position to do so. I do not believe Hyta would have approved such a thing. Hyta has much of the same character as me. She is all about honesty. We are community based; we need the trust of those that send their offenders to complete community service with us. How fair is it for us to say… Your crime doesn’t deserve the punishment that the Court has put on you… so we will cut you some slack? I don’t know… Maybe there is another side to this… What do you think? Yep… I’m in a bitch mode… NEXT ~ Sheree… My sponsor… called today and said we would get together after I get out of work to catch up with each other. I told her I didn’t have any of my books or assignments with me… but I’ll show up… and just read out of someone else’s book. Cool. Okay. She calls back about 4PM tells me that Leslie isn’t available today and she is going to cancel. Says we will get together tomorrow. I’m resentful towards Sheree in a way because she told me I was ready to sponsor someone. Had she been paying more attention… She would have known better! She pushed me to sponsor Sarah… and look what happened! I’m resentful at Sheree because she kept yawning when I did my 5th step with her. Silly I know, but it does bite. Ok, so after all the bullshit with Carla today… Big B… the one I went head first with a while back up at work… was in the break room with about 5 or more employees and volunteers, including myself and she said Carla was RETARDED. This pissed me off! Though I don’t care for Carla… That was a retarded remark to make about someone in front of a room full of people and Carla isn’t there to defend herself! Chapped my ass! Because Carla left a 16-year-old volunteer at the fair alone to collect the money and he ended up stealing some of it. Sure… That was not the brightest move… but RETARDED… real professional… Big Mama… Gawd… it’s hard to fly with the eagles when you work with a bunch of VULGARS! I am awfully temperamental these days. I don’t feel good. I’m tired still …my tummy still hurts. I was walking around like a hunched over old lady today. I’m sore… I mean my Lou Lou was stretched open to the size of a big cantaloupe! How could I not be sore! Sheessh... I feel cramps… like with PMS but it’s my Cervix. Hey Now I know where it is! I can point it out cause of the pain! My Lou Lou has a funky fragance too. Nurse said this would happen... it SUCKS! Yea… Ok, so maybe I am a wuss… I never said I wasn’t! The ONLY positive thing I have to leave you with… Something that stuck in my mind during the Noon meeting today… Live Easy ~ Think First. A Cherokee Legend An old Cherokee grandfather was teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil — he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” “The other wolf,” he continued, “he is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too,” he said. The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, “Grandfather, which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one that you feed.” This too Shall Pass… Jen needs to hear that big loud popping sound.... the sound of my head comin' out my ass! |
| So I got a bit feisty earlier… Of course no one but you guys and Sarah heard my little tit fit. I was prim and proper for the most part regarding Carla. Truth is… she is just another person doing the best she can in this throw’d off world we all live in. Let me give you some insight, I don’t think I have blogged this before. Carla is married. She has been for 18 years. Her husband is in a rehab center right now. He shot into his veins their home, car and life savings. So she says…? Well… the first day Carla started working at the food bank (before Hubby went to rehab, for whatever that is worth), she lit up when John walked by. She likes John a lot! John is a black man… Carla made it loud and clear within her first week of working at the food bank that she does not date within her race. She only dates black men. Her and John been banging for a while now… and she goes and sees her hubby twice a week as he fights for his life and sanity. She has no intention of leaving him. No… He makes to good of money for that! But she spends lots of time over at Johns little ghetto apartment… I can’t respect that. BUT it’s really none of my damn business what she does in her marriage. BUT though she is married… she wants John to be faithful to her… obviously. She gets all bent out of shape … ANYTIME John talks to me. I mean visibly pissed off. Example: the other day Sarah was at John’s computer and we were IMing back and forth. Carla walks in the front office and is making copies behind me, obviously sees the IM box and hears me giggling and she goes off! Not on me! No she goes off on JOHN… John is like what tha? He has not a clue what she is so mad about and Sarah and I are standing back just laughing our ass off… First off… I’m not one to date outside of my race, usually. I am attracted to White Men. Blue eyes… blonde hair… Gray whiskers…whatever… That is what I am attracted too… so though I do flirt friendly with John and I do like John… He ain’t my type… and I have told her this! Though Randy was a black man… he caught me at a vulnerable time and tricked me, manipulated me and it worked! For a minute…There’s a difference… I liked Randy for the man I thought he was… The man I wanted him to be… He could have been purple with a green teeth and I wouldn’t have give a damn… Second of all… John is not sober. He smokes dope … should be in rehab right along with her hubby! Carla does not know this. I know this… and that is something I can not be around. So she has no worries! None! But she sure gets her panties in a wad ANYTIME she sees or hears John and I having a somewhat personal conversation. John flirts with me. I flirt back. It’s all good times… nothing more. But really none of this is either here nor there… other than I see her playing this tug of war with me… and I don’t even want to be in the game! I do not antagonize her one bit! IN fact, I go OUT of my way to not be cutesy, flirty, funnin’ with John when she is around. Because she gets all bent out of shape about it! And to John and I … it’s only passing the dull workday with a little fun. This morning… She went out of her way to interrupt John’s conversation with me. It just so happened that she walked into the break room as he was saying he wanted to call me last week but Sarah would not give him the number. SHE jumped her ass right in the middle of that conversation… forcing it to end… and went to blurting out this and that and I need this… blah blah… #1 ~ I don’t appreciate her fucking games! If I wanted that man… I WOULD have him.  #2 ~ As another human being… I DESERVE more respect than that. I deserve to be told HELLO before you just start throwing shit at me. I deserve to be able to walk into my place of business, put my lunch box in the damn frig and pour myself a cup of coffee before some stupid bitch on an ego trip gets all up in my shit. She got what she wanted. The conversation with John was interrupted. My focus was put on her. John went about starting his own day. I was polite… actually, I was taken back by her. I was dazed and confused… You want me to call who? And tell them what? I just walked in the door... been out a week... have no idea what she is talking about… And it’s not even MY JOB… it’s HER’S… I have helped this woman in ways I should NEVER be expected too… She can barely turn her PC on… I asked that she give me a minute… and she said ok… She never returned to explain what she needed from me again. I then sent her that IM after I had my first cup of coffee… she never responded. If I was a bettin’ woman it was because she doesn’t know how to hit the send button on Yahoo… Later on I was talking with Sarah, and she walked by. I am a woman that is quite expressional. You can see what I think all over my face! And I was by no means attempting to hide it. She pissed in my post toasties before the SUN even came out and I did not appreciate it! I was upset… Bitch, didn’t say Good Morning… Didn’t ask how the operation went… Hell if she would have told me to KISS her ASS and stop talking to her fuck buddy, at least then I could respect her and know where she stands… Anyway, Sarah and I got dead quiet when she walked by, YEP… I was telling Sarah my plans to get my Louisville slugger out and bust up Carla’s ride… Not really … but you get the idea. Well, she stops to talk to Sarah about the Fair and when we will volunteer and I go about my business… I’m holding my breath so that I don’t tongue whoop her. Cause I’m a confronter! I don’t play no damn games… Never on purpose anyway. And damn sure not with some insecure woman that’s almost old enough to be my MAW… ain’t got a damn thing on me either… not on the job… not nothing. She says, in her fake, talk threw your nose… stutter cause you know your full of shit tone of voice- “Jen… You don’t look like you feel good. I can’t believe your back to work already.” I looked up at Sarah… Sarah’s facial expression said “ Oh Shit” and she exited the front office. I told Carla… “I feel Fine… But I don’t appreciate the way you approached me this morning. I’m upset about it. I have been out of the office for a week. I had just walked in the front door. I was speaking to someone else. You interrupted and disrespected me. I don’t appreciate it.” And guess what she did? “Ohhhh…. Jen… I am so sorrrry…” And she came over and hugged me… and I hugged her not… Get off of me you fake… insecure old bitch! Didn’t say that… I thought it. Then she goes off telling me how she has asked about me every single day… ASK SARAH… Go on… ask her… I care about you Jen… I know this is a big deal and I can’t believe you’re here today. “No, this isn’t a big deal… just a little operation.” “OH NO Jen… This is a big deal. I’m so sorry. I never meant to blah blah blah…” BARF! Just get the hell away from me… I didn’t say this, I didn’t even express it… I just damn sure knew her fakeness would surface the MINUTE I confronted her on her STUPID fucking games. I Know why she acted the way she did… She knows why she acted the way she did… JOHN knows why she acted the way she did… this morning. And I am sick of it! It is said that if you do not like someone… look and see what it is about them that reminds you of yourself… I see nothing! I am nothing like her. I am real. I am allegiant. I am a straight shooter. What you see is what you get with me. She is fake. She is chicken shit. She is vindictive. She is an ass kisser… Anyway… now that I got that out. I know Carla just feels pretty bad about herself. She is in over her head at this job. She has not the knowledge to do what is expected of her. Her husband obviously has dealt out some hurt on her… She is twice my age… John does flirt with me. She has banged him and of course doesn’t want to share. BUT I told her from the beginning, I wasn’t interested in him. Before she ever got to know him… within her first days on the job. Yeah… he’s a cool dude but not for me… She has no reason to feel this about me. Ok, I’m moving along… Bummed myself out… I’ll be back. It’s raining outside! I love Rain! I’m gonna go walk in the rain!  Rants over… |
| Quick little Rant... I walk through the door of my POB... I haven't even put my sac lunch in the frig, nor poured myself a cup of coffee... John is all talking to me and saying how he wanted to call but Sarah wouldn't give him the number and I'm like I done gave you my number once before but Sarah didn't know that, she just being a friend to me and Freaking CARLA who has a thing for John BY THE WAY... Steps right in our conversation and in her matter of fact tone asked that I do this and that and call this person and do this... And I'm like Right in the middle of a sentence that John is speakign to me... So... he stops talking, I put my attention to her and I am like, Carla can you give me just a minute? I'm thinking... I just walked in the door, it's 7AM... I didn't say this I thought it... The longer I think about it the more mad I get so I shot her an IM: I tried to stop myself but that piss me the fuck off! She didn't say good morning, kiss my ass, how are you? glad your back, not a damn thing... just asking me to do HER job. She can't even write her own resignation, doesn't know how to add a contact to YAHOO.... and bitch makes three times as much money as me and she comes to me to her work for her! Grrrr... and usually I don't mind, I do it with a smile cause that's just me ... but when she couldn't even say hello this morning... before throwing out her demands... I got a case of the red ass... sat and got more mad... then IMED her Good Morning, Yes I am fine, Thank you. Since I have been out for a week, I have much work or my own to complete. After doing so, I will be glad to help with your requests. She didn't respond. Moody ass cunt... I just don't like her... I try and I try and I try... but it never fails she gets on my fucking shit list at least once a week!  Everyone else has been very kind and nice to me. I'm glad to be back to work |
| I was just wandering around here in WDC and I found writings by lureeasygoer that just floored me… I am at a loss for words! How very cool… Thanks, Davey Baby
|
I’ve been checking myself out today.  Yes, been reading through my portfolio. I’ve trashed a few things and some others have reminded me of pieces of myself I have forgotten. I was going to do some updating but found that what I had written, 11/27/06 is still quite fitting for me.
The 101st thing to make me happy: Remembering that whatever comes my way, good or bad, is simply an opportunity to become a better person and grow spiritually on this journey called life. Hmm… maybe I should spend more time with my old self. ***
I did update ‘200 Pieces of Me’ … though much of it remains the same; there were a few changes since Sept. 2006. *** Then I stumbled across:
And I am reminded of why I don’t need to be writing this fool up at the jailhouse. I haven’t written him and I’m not. *** I know I know! If you wanted to explore my portfolio you would have done so! Without me posting the links here… So on to a real blog entry… A song that’s been in my mind today, The Hard Way Written and sung by Mary Chapin Carpenter. Show a little inspiration, show a little spark And show that things that drew me to you and stole my heart And tell me something I don't know instead of everything I do And look at me as if I mean something to you You know I’m not one to take offense easily. I usually try to think the best in people. Most times even without trying hard; I can find good in just about everyone. I’m here on this site and I’m pouring out my deepest emotions and feelings on this screen. I know that there will be times that personalities will clash, misunderstanding will happen. I know that I just may get an email from someone who bashes me for being or feeling a way that they think I shouldn’t. Or even possibly someone that wouldn’t intentionally hurt me could take something I have written in my blog as a personal attack to them and maybe decide I’m not worthy to be read. I could be taking this way wrong, I most likely am. I’m in a vulnerable stage of my life. I don’t appreciate fake flattery. And I can see it even through the written word. I’m angry about this, more so than I should be… maybe because I’m bored out of my freaking mind sitting here at my home. I have spent a lot of time here on WDC in the last week or two. I’m ready to get out and start again with my life. I really have not much to write about since I have kept myself locked within the walls of my home for way to long. Our hearts are beating while we sleep, but while we're wide awake You know the world won't stop, and actions speak louder Listen to your heart, and what your heart might say Everything we got, we got the hard way I did get out this morning and took a long walk. I put on my head set, listened to a CD and just walked the neighborhood that I live in. It was nice. It was still cool out but the sun was shining. Birds were flying from tree to tree… kids were already out playing in the dirt, chasing each other around the Apartments Park. Hey and we got new equipment for the kids! I didn’t know this. Shows how often I go to the park here on the property. But I do walk by it every other day to check my mail. I’m rather unobservant naturally. I usually stay focused on my destination and don’t notice what’s around me. This could be one of the very things that is holding me back from where I want to be. I woke up early after going to sleep a little late. I did have some good laughs last night… and I laid my head down with a smile on my face. Show a little passion, baby, show a little style And show the knack for knowing when and the gift for knowing how And have a little trust in us when fear obscures the path You know we got this far, darling, not by luck, but by never turning back I just busted Meow chewing on my CD player’s wire! She is such a little shit! She likes chewing on chords and little wires, I have to hide them from her! Grrr… I spoke with Sarah on the phone earlier today. She has been babysitting her little nephew all weekend. Talk about a hand full! Whewww… He is the same age as JJ but not near as mature acting. Even JJ said when he met him, “Aren’t you glad I don’t act like that?” You bet your sweet ass I am. An Angel says ~ your life may be the only Bible some people read. That’s an awesome statement. Some will call on destiny, but I just call on faith That the world won't stop, and actions speak louder Listen to your heart, to what your heart might say Everything we got, we got the hard way So now that this operation is done and over with. It’s time to purge forward. I do need to get the financial mess of it all in check. I owe some money! Let me tell ya! I’ve got to get in touch with my insurance company and dispute some things. They should be paying more than what they are… or so I think. I don’t know I have to dive in and figure it out. I hear the gym calling my name too! And… college. I want to take some classes. I want to get an education that will eventually get me some BIG MONEY cause it’s tough for this single, broke lady sometimes. I make enough to just get by… I don’t want to just get by anymore. I do need to get back involved with my group too. I’ve been slacking. I’m a little upset at my sponsor. Just a little… she has no time for me. I feel forgotten. I haven’t called her like I should. I guess that’s my way of rebelling. You would think she would be calling me after days of not hearing from me. She might think that maybe something’s wrong? Or possibly she's just not thinking about me. It just bothers me. Caught up in our little lives, there's not a lot left over I see what's missing in your eyes; you're searching for that field of clover So show a little inspiration, show a little spark Show the world a little light when you show it your heart We've got two lives, one we're given and the other one we make I just spent about thirty minutes on the phone with Sarah. She has been telling me about the week I was gone from work. She told me she talked to her sponsor, Greda. By the way, Greda and her are really hitting it off and have started their studies. She told Greda about how I’m feeling forgotten by my sponsor, example, when Sheree forgot to show up for our scheduled group… and Greda told Sarah to have me call her. She is willing to sponsor me. I am seriously thinking about changing sponsors. Though, I love Sheree and always will. Greda is single. She has no kids. She is very active in AA. She is so beautiful too! She has such a pretty face. She told Sarah that I may be feeling resentful to Sheree and uh… yeah, she’s right. I do understand but it still doesn’t make it ok. Sheree hasn’t brought it up one time. I know she has to have remembered that she forgot? Leslie hasn’t called me once since the operation. She is to busy chasing down men in AA. she reminds me of the me I use to be. Such a horn dog… I’m bitching now… Yep! At least I ain’t crying! And the world won't stop, and actions speak louder Listen to your heart, and your heart might say Everything we got, we got the hard (everything we got, we got the hard way) Everything we got, we got the hard way Sarah told me that John asked for my home phone number but that she wouldn’t give it to him. He asked her to call me at least so that he could talk to me and make sure I was doing ok. She said she planned to but got busy with the hectic day. It made me feel good to know someone was asking about me. She said Sherry was too. Then she went on about how the other new girl is taking product to the Dumpster and then returning after hours to pick it up. That surprises me none. And the warehouse manager has busted her but yet she hasn’t been fired. No body gets fired from the food bank. I have seen some real wieners come through the doors as employees and NO BODY has ever been fired. Hey, this is good news for me huh!Well, I’m gonna go throw a sac lunch together for Sarah and me tomorrow. We are going to make a noon meeting and then I’ll run her over to school after work. I think I’m going to pick up an application for financial aid while I’m there… see if I can’t get myself enrolled into some classes. Last time I applied, I was still legally married but separated and they turned me done cause of Ex’s money. Maybe this time It will be different. Not that he made all that much but we didn’t have the right last name… (Because the world won't stop) hang on, baby... Good Night… |
| I’m getting ready to clean out some of the photo’s from my port. BUT I wanted to show them before I do so. What a mess I have over here! All kinds of stuff that I don’t need clogging up my space! So… Much has been deleted… These I will hold on to for a few more days and then delete. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a picture of Meow again…  I know overkill! I just LOVE this KITTY! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is my family at my wedding in 1995; My dad is holding JJ. He is six months old. My brother and his now Ex Wife are standing there along with my mother’s mom. This was actually the last time my dad had seen JJ until he came down to visit this summer. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Sponsor, Justin and me in Ft Davis Mountains, Conference April 2007 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Leslie and Jen in Ft. Davis, we are posing for the camera  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** JJ at AA meeting, sucking on a chocolate milkshake… cost $3 a pop, and gone in 60 seconds!
I put my memories of Shafter in my portfolio. If someone who hasn’t, would like to read it. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Another picture of him... This is the one I carry in my Big Book. This is also the jeep his body was found in.  ************************* |
| I’m better. I think I’m gonna live. I did get out for a short walk. Yeah, very short walk… didn’t break a sweat or nothing. I did run into one of the ladies I use to see at up at AA meetings. She lives here in my complex. We stood out and shot the shit for a few minutes. And I got to watch a good looking guy walk passed us three times. He smiled ever so nicely each time. And we smiled back. **hubba hubba** That made me feel better! I have been online most of the day but I’ve been reading my OWN blog. I know, I’m so self centered! I did recognize some things though. 1. I always talk about how I want to write and I never write anything, I blog. 2. I go from one extreme to the next. I’m either hot or cold, never in the middle. 3. My AA talk can get real boring, especially when blog entries are full of paragraphs copied from the big book. This needs to shut down a bit. 4. I tend to say I’m going to do stuff and it never gets down. Including writing and personal matters. 5. There is ALWAYS something going on in my life. It’s like a soap opera at times. AND I am such a GIRL… I’m always talking lots of girly stuff. Reading back over the Days of my life I saw that just a few weeks ago I was running to keep up with my ass. I wore myself out. Then I STOPPED everything! I went from Extreme to Extreme. Now, I’m not answering phone calls. I’m not getting out to mingle with anyone. And last month I was everywhere… all over town! There is no balance. That is such an addict mentality… It’s either one extreme or the other. SO… one of my goals is balance. I need balance. Gee… I have nothing more to say… that’s all I got ! Toodles… See the little mini me up top? hahaha ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** It's a granny car... but it keeps my ass off the sidewalk! |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
