Thanks for entering "Invalid Item" and good luck.
You use the prompt well. Congrats on finding yourself.
I like the line about wearing different hats! And I like that at the end you find that being mother is just a part of your identity. Sometimes that is really hard!
Suggestions:
That one everything reason so strong it led me to you.
(This line is very awkward.)
What a joy to realize most of them were fabrications of scared child.
(I think this would sound better with a after of.)
Keep wriitng. Always, Tammy
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Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck. You use my prompt very well.
Your poem made me think of the special people in my life. Everyone who reads this will think of at least one person that they can relate your feelings and thoughts to. Your love and appreciation comes through on each line.
Always, Tammy
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and good luck. This fits the prompt. I can identify with your poem. You show your love for your Mom in every word.
My favorite lines are:
'I think of you keeping watch over us like a guardian angel would do
You know that we love you and that we are thinking of you too'
I feel this way too.
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.
Cute story. I like the point of view you are tell this from. This sounds just like a young child getting a new sibling. I like the way you have the proud Dad acting and how you describe your main character, going back to the wrong things he has done.
Great job. I did not notice any typos or errors.
Always, tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
"THE DROP-OFF BOX " My Overall impression: Your thoughts are so true! Love the unique title.
I like the way you present this free-verse poem.
I like these 3 lines and what you are saying here:
'dreams on paper
interpreted by the quill
passion exposed' Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies."THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression: You write very well. I found no errors or typos. You describe everything very well. I could see the study. (before and after!)
This is a very intense read. I like the A/N that you add, and even tho I am not familiar with what inspired you~~This leaves me with no questoins. Well-done! Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies."THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression: I like your memories of New York, thanks for sharing. Your poem had me there beside you. Great imagery. Suggestions/Errors: Just a few...to help with the overall flow of your poem:
In lines ,stanza 2~~I'd cut 'next to me'
In line 1, stanza 3~~ I don't think you need New York
nor do you need to capitalize Bars.
Line 1, stanza 4~~cut Now.
I think you need to add more punctuation. You have some. I think in a poem youe either use punctuation or not. But since you have some, feels like you need more.
Ex...you need a period in lines~~ 5,10,20 & 22.
In your ending 2 lines~~
'...maybe see you again sometime both of us older..'
This thought reads a little awkward.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
Happy Halloween!
Cool poll. Some neat answers to choose from. I like and enjoy the stories, the haunted houses and decorations... which I see is the norm.
Suggestions:
Spice your poll forum up! Add some colors and maybe a scary image!
Just some suggestions. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
Good comparison, the sky and love. Your title is good and appropriate. You present your poem well, it's very pretty!
Suggestions:
In stanza one, I would use some descriptions and try to capture the scene. Use some imagery. Just saying that words can't describe the beauty...falls flat.
Just some suggestions. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
This poem makes me stop and think about love, life and differences.
I like your title, your poem shows your pride in your family and makes me want to reach out more to my own family!
I like this stanza the best:
'Accept what is given.
Stop the hate, let it cease.
For love is the answer,
And will bring about peace'
Well-said!
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
Keep writing.
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Thanks for posting your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck. I like what you are saying in this short poem. You express yourself well.
My opinions/suggestions:
So far so good, but this feels more like a stanza instead of a poem.
We need more...
More on the feelings, set up the relationship more, show more description on what you feel, how it makes you hate yourself and not the one doing this.
Just some thoughts/suggestions. I think you would have a unique and awesome poem if you expanded on these thoughts and kept the following stanzas like this one. Keeping the rhyming pattern etc.
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck. I like your poem and your thoughts on eagles.
My opinions/suggestions:
I want to know more. This feels unfinished.
I think you should expand on your thoughts about eagles.
Tell us more about them, use more imagery and show us the eagle.
All just suggestions. Keep writing.
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
Unique title. I like your thougths on memories in the first stanza. I like the read of your poem, especially stanza 3. Your ending is good and the comparisons you make in the last stanza are unique.
I wouldn't chankge a thing. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
I love the title. I like your poem and think the way you word these thoughts make it very unique. Great topic. The rhymes you use are good.
This is my favorite line:
'It matters - you sleep away from me.'
As you say, it matters!
My opinions/suggestions:
Your first line seems forced and reads a little awkwardly. I think if you made the 'can not be known' ~~can't be known~~it will make the line less forced.
I'd cut all the -'s that you use, they are not needed and distract from the poem itself.
All just suggestions. Keep writing.
Alweays, Tammy
I like these thoughts on a broken relationship and on moving on. You hit the emotions right on.
I like the way you do this, it makes these thoughts more dramatic.
I like that you make this positive at the end and show the person's strength to move on.
Keep writing. Always, Tammy
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Hi there. A review for a review. Welcome to the site. I hope you enjoy yourself here. There is lots to do. Check my port I have 3 contest, one especially for newbies.
My suggestions/opinions:
I like your thoughts on summer...more than a few brought back memories for me. Thanks for sharing.
I suggest removing some of these periods. After you finish writing a poem, try reading it aloud to see how it reads/flows. With all these period your poem is a little choppy.
Overall great poem, just needs a little tweaking on the flow.
Keep writing. And again, welcome to the site, if you have questions or need help just email me.
Always, Tammy
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
I really like your title. I like your thoughts that you are writng on.
Suggestions:
In places your poem seems fast and to the point. It feels impersonal in places. I think you need to work on the flow of your poem.
Tangled in a moment
Of unforgotten time.
"Unforgotten time"...here tell us what time..a time of love or happiness or?..Why is it unforgettable?
Stranded in a memory
That won't stay locked away
try;
Stranded in my memories
That won't stay locked away
The present surrounds me
While dwelling in the past.
This sounds like the present is in the past...try;
The present surrounds me
As I dwell in the past.
In line 6 I would change this to teardrops and in line seven I'd close this thought with a period.
I can't seem to move on.
I refuse to even try,
This is kind of a repeat...Maybe you could show here why it is so hard to move on.
I don't understand the sidewalk reference at the end.
If this is an indication of 'hitting the bottom?' I'd try wording that a little different.
All just some suggestions.
I think this would be a unique poem with some tweaking and by making it a little more personal.
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
Your poem tells such a sad story. I'm so sorry for your loss. Great tribute to your brother. I could feel your love for him in every word you wrote.
Keep writing, it can be great therapy.
Always, Tammy
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
I like your poem. You evoke the right feelings, I can feel her sadness and lonliness. I think all can identify with these feelings. We've all had them at some time or another.
Suggestions:
Check your repitition of She.
Maybe a more unique title. The one you have is used a lot. You need one that will draw your readers in.
Suggestions from your poem:
No Notice
All Cried Out
The Tears Are Gone
Just some suggestions.
Keep writing.
Always
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and good luck. Very pretty poem. I like the color of the poem. I like your last stanza the best.
Suggestions:
I suggest removing the italics, it makes it hard to read.
In line one you say colors swirl, which is a neat thought but what colors? Expand some on the imagery and descriptions of your poem.
Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
I like your pet-peeves! A couple of them are mine too. Thanks for sharing this. This is a neat bio that you have here. I like it and all that you share with us readers. Again, welcome to the site. Hope you have fun. Have any questions or need anything, just email me. There is lots to do here!
Always, Tammy
Welcome to the site and thanks for sharing part of yourself with us. I think that there will be others here that will identify with this. I can, in a way.
I am shy but hide it behind humor!! Yeah, I was the timid class-clown!
By sharing this, you may find answers to help you get over this. Others will be able to share their experinces.
Good luck!
Thanks for signing my guestbook.
Always, Tammy
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