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2,325 Public Reviews Given
2,325 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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851
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and I usually like what you write, your name comes up a lot.

Reader Experience

A powerful poem based on John 8 - the woman caught in adultery

Commentary

I liked this a lot. It was also an accurate and insightful exposition on the John 8:1-11 passage in a ballad format. Given that you have expressed a Hindu outlook elsewhere it was surprising to find such a deep awareness of Christian scriptures here.

The rhyme did not work in the first stanza - woman - sermon.

Thanks for sharing

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852
852
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed because it made me laugh.

Reader Experience

Should you the writer be telling this story, or the characters you invented? The revolution has begun.


Commentary

The characters revolt against the author's intended ending and demand that he/she change it.

There are writers who invent their characters first and then create a story from the interaction between these personalities. There are authors who create a story and then invent characters to populate it. I guess when an author has invested enough time and emotion into one of their characters they start to have a life of their own and to make decisions that apparently contradict their original intent. This poem raises all the contemporary issues relating to telling and showing. Can we still have a God perspective and control on our stories and deliver intentional meanings with them or must they all subscribe to the individualistic moral relativism of the modern English Literature University department? Do we allow the dark sides of our characters to express themselves and rebel against the metanarrative we have placed them in or do we demand they succumb to the irresistible and inevitable storyline that leads them to their Judgment Day and stories end? Do we allow our characters to mess our stories up or make sure that our moral meaning is enforced?

Thanks for sharing this provocative and interesting piece.

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853
853
Review of Peaceful Handover  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You asked me to review this.

Reader Experience

Some very well-designed software built to manage the complex French Train Timetabling program has put itself live. Should they resist the takeover by the AI they created or just milk the profits from it and turn a blind eye?

Commentary

It is a more likely scenario than Skynet's more destructive takeover in the Terminator franchise. It is a real fear in many people's hearts that AI is getting just a little too efficient. As someone who programs regularly, I have watched as tasks that took me 3 months to complete just 15 years ago can now be automated and customized in a matter of hours with some new cool tools. The .net framework with their code libraries, the Azure or AWS flexible subscriptions that adjust to usage and demand automatically, delivering the supportive infrastructure in hours (even minutes) not months all speak of an acceleration. integration and frightening new efficiency to our IT systems.

David comes across as the selfish Project Manager who just wants to get paid and does not want to think through the wider ramifications of what he is doing. He had a project, a budget, a schedule, and an anticipated profit. He does not get his bonus without the desired result. Chris the Data Scientist, seems more aware of the actual work and is raising the real issues. But like Wehrmacht soldiers just following orders allow the catastrophe to be unleashed. They are both passive bystanders to the new super actor the AI that is taking over the world's IT systems.

I loved the story and thought you grounded it quite well in the IT situation, but I cling to the belief that this cannot happen. There are several reasons:

1) No program however well designed can hack a system it does not have the passwords/security keys for. The idea that it used the developer's own credentials and their own remote access to the test server to work out that it was not on the live environment and then to hack into that live environment implies that they used the same credentials on the live system and had full authorization on it. In a project this size, I think there would have been a firewalled separation of development, test, and live environments. I suppose you could get around this by suggesting that the shallow, selfish project manager was taking shortcuts for profit and so not following normal procedures.

2) You talk about the AI having secured its global admin roles on the French Traffic System then hacking into other comparable systems to make similar efficiency improvements. Again the computing power and resources needed to break encryption keys would be noticeable to Data Center Managers and the accountants paying the bills for by-the-minute subscriptions. Also, there are considerable defenses in place around different national systems which have their own Cyber Warfare teams and indeed AIs working flat out to prevent this kind of scenario from taking place. In a battle between a private company and a state government, the state government will win as they have more resources. Even if the French government owns their traffic control system which is therefore somehow inside their network you would have the issue that the French are not in the same league as the British, Americans, Russians, or Chinese on Cyber Warfare.

3) State governments work with triplicate paperwork on many parts of their systems and large parts of it are not computerized. The bits are often on complete private LANs with no broader access. I know state officials who have dedicated PCs to surf the Internet as their own networks have no connection to it.

4) For all the hype about machine learning and intelligent systems, AI remains quite thick. A simple conversation with Alexa quickly reveals a limited set of precise commands which can respond to. She can follow simple routines and commands, she can calculate and she can regurgitate knowledge but she is not intelligent, able to read context and patterns and she is not sensually connected to what is happening around her except with sound. For the scenario, you suggest a program would have to be extremely large and utilize thousands of code library dlls.


I loved the last line:

it ended not with a war or disaster, not with the environment failing or social collapse, but with the trains running on time. but you should probably lose the 'a war' and replace it with just 'war' there.

You have chosen to write in British English which is fine since we invented the language. I put the article into my editor and Grammarly lit up. The issues are mainly to do with hyphens, commas, and spaces but you might want to apply that to the piece.


Thanks for sharing

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854
854
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed for coffee.

Reader Experience

Is there devilment in a cup of Turkish coffee, does he who smells it care?


Commentary

I do hope Turkish coffee is not a symbol for something else in which case I have completely misread this. But assuming you are talking about a cup of coffee then I guess this one smells good. In fact it evokes feelings of desire. You suspect that it is about to scramble your brain with its delights.

Now comes the lines I do not understand

While I forget the goodness
that lies in people, in vain

If this cup of coffee is really bewitching then why would you care about the goodness in people? Why is this relevant? We have no larger context to grasp here to suggest that drinking a cup of coffee means opening the gates of hell and burying a crowd of good people under dark clouds of evil. So why would the desire to forget the goodness in people be evoked? If this coffee smells that good why is it not effective in banishing ALL thoughts of goodness, you say you forget the goodness in vain. Is this a secret doubt about the quality of the coffee or a lingering moral conscience that is not quenched by the hot liquid temptation?

If you clung to your own goodness in vain it would be more understandable, given the temptation of the Turkish coffee, but why does it matter to someone else's goodness if you drink or if you do not drink?

Thanks for sharing.

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855
855
Review of The Awakening  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed for a story on the important topical theme of race.

Reader Experience

A little boy Corey dreams of living in a white family. Maybe the white lawyer man will be his new dad..


Commentary

I grew up in a very multiracial environment here in Europe and the whole black-white thing in the USA mystifies many Europeans. The legacy of slavery seems hard to break and black people remain poor, badly educated, prone to crime, high illegitimacy rates, higher percentage of single mother homes and a deeply entrenched culture of victimhood. Yet I know highly educated and talented black people and by faith believe that all are made in God's image so the situation in the USA seems deeply wrong and an issue that needs addressing. Your story brings out many of the issues. Corey is ashamed of the poverty and flies he associates with his current home knowing that life with a white family would probably be better. He does not hate the people he is with but wants to save them from their circumstances. The woman has many children but there is no father around. Many black men are incarcerated by a criminal justice system that seems more likely to condemn a black man and give him a longer sentence. It seems that Corey has a mixed race background so might have been the result of a liaison with a white man by his mother, though this is not spelt out in the story. But the last comment makes no sense unless this is true. He thinks his whiteness, despite his dark brown eyes might have been his ticket out of there but actually neither whites nor blacks regard him as one of their own as a result. It is a toxic environment to grow up in yet still the mother has some dignity taking her children to church on Sunday. You captured the despair quite well and the angry distinctive language.

Powerful piece on an interesting theme. Thanks for sharing.


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856
856
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and was fascinated to find a Hindu perspective on Islam and Christianity.

Reader Experience

Islam is not the only problem in this world Christians also and principally Christian motivated countries like the USA have caused much more violence and initiated far more aggression in the name of converting the world to their positions. Christians led by the USA and the Muslim bloc are together the cause of many of the problems of the world. The violence is born of their desire to convert the world to their positions.

There are certain key arguments made here which need to be deconstructed one by one:

1) Evangelism is a problem. People should not try to convert others to their positions.

2) That actions of Western governments are comparable to acts of aggression by small Muslim groups and individuals.

3) That India and the USSR are targets of a global conspiracy by Christians to overthrow alternate world views. In the case of the USSR this conspiracy, articulated in the manifestos of organizations like the Joshua project was successful. In the case of India, it is an ongoing project.

4) Various examples of US aggression have included a mixed American / Christian evangelistic agenda:

i) The invasion of Iraq was about God, oil, and the dollar, not non-existent WMDs.
ii) The creation of Pakistan was to give the British a toe hold with the Muslim Asian republics.
iii) The creation of Israel was about the USA and Britain gaining a foothold in the Middle East.
iv) When the USSR was broken up the Central Asian Republics were removed from its influence.
v) Afghanistan was attacked on the pretext of 911 though none of the bombers came from there. Most in fact came from America's friend Saudia Arabia.
5) The USA is an inherently violent country that has used nukes, bombed more countries than any other since WW2, shown contempt for international rules, has the death penalty even for minors.

Commentary

The rationale behind this piece and the misrepresentation of key historical events contained in it read like the basis for the modern Hindu nationalism espoused by movements like Hindutva and the ruling BJP party. This movement has itself become oppressive and indeed violent in recent years against Christians and Muslims in India. To the point that India's NCM lists hundreds of attacks against Christians every year.

I will first attempt to debunk the errors in the assumptions made in this piece and then proceed to commentate on my impression of this argument.

To take each point in turn:

1) The idea that evangelism is wrong assumes two things. Firstly about what evangelism is and secondly about why it is wrong. Evangelism for most of Christian history has been about sharing the good news of salvation for anyone to anyone who was receptive to the message. It was about offering forgiveness of sins and the promise of eternal life. The fast growth of the early church took place at a time when it had no control over the levers of power. That large numbers of Hindus and especially Dalits have converted to Christianity is clearly not to do with Christian control of the Indian government but rather that the Hindu faith offers them no hope or compassion while Christianity does. If Jesus was who he said he was and told us to go out and evangelize then Christians who risk the wrath of angry Brown Shirt mobs in Indian towns to bring that message of hope are the good guys, not the bad ones. Christianity was brought to India by apostles who gave their lives preaching that message. These were slaves, not kings who spoke of the King of Kings. You cannot bracket Islam and Christianity together when you talk about styles of evangelism. Islam expanded by military conquest Christianity did not.

2) To compare the US government to the 911 bombers is deeply wrong. The US has committed many outrages as indeed have every powerful country through history but it rose to preeminence fighting wars that were not on its territory on behalf of oppressed people across the world. Its Marshall Aid programme rescued the world from bankruptcy after the war. It became the city on a hill and a shining light of freedom for many people across the world because it stood up for those who were oppressed by their own governments and modelled a way of life that was superior to the alternative in atheistic communism and the various false religions of this world.
It did not invent the faith that many of its people subscribe to nor does it always faithfully follow it but it has been a witness nonetheless. It is not about the destruction of life but rather about the use of force in order to protect lives by taking out those who prefer chaos and death. Hard decisions and bitter wars have indeed been fought by the USA, indeed to the point recently of weariness, disillusionment and isolationism, but these have helped to preserve the general peace of the world and have helped prevent any major World Wars since the last one.

3) Your third point rankles because my family were a part of the Raj. There was no attempt to dismantle Hindu society except for preventing outrageous practices like widow burning which most enlightened Hindus today accept as abhorrent. My grandfather who was an administrator on the Indian railway during the partition may have saved hundreds of thousands if not millions of Hindu and Muslim lives by helping to coordinate the movement of Hindus and Muslims to places where they would not kill each other. It was Britain that created India, it did not exist as a coherent nation beforehand. We liberated it from Muslim oppressors like the Mughals we did not impose that oppression. Most of its major cities were built up and developed by the British. Yes, Christian missions were also allowed and 2000-year-old churches in India were protected but in those days Hindus were more tolerant of other religions.

Regarding the USSR I do not think you know what it was like to live in that godless atheistic society. I know East Germans who lived under Communism, I was in Poland when communism fell there as a missionary among godless communists and devout Catholics. It was an oppressive and impoverished ideology responsible for MILLIONS of deaths from Stalin's gulags and all around the world. It was not until the 60s that India fell prey to Communist propaganda and sought to use Communist power to counterbalance Western countries. This period of time did India little good and left it on the losing side until economic reforms kick-started today's remarkable growth rates. The death of Communism moreover was not accomplished with nukes and bombs but by the whole rotten edifice caving in of its own accord unable to compete with the ideologically more successful and richer West. Its murder of Christians destroyed its credibility and the remarkable growth of Christianity since its dissolution has been at the expense of people most Hindus hold in contempt, godless atheists.

4) Pakistan rose out of the fact that Muslims actively campaigned for it and indeed unlike Gandhi who was peaceful did so with increasing violence. It was quickly realized that Muslims and Hindus were not going to peacefully cohabit and that a solution was required. I do think the implementation was a little rushed under Mountbatten though I blame Attlee's government for that and it was people like my grandfather that had to sort that out moving as many people as possible as quickly as possible before they murdered each other.

You seem to have a contradiction here. You know that Saudia Arabia is an ally of the USA but you accuse the USA of an antiMuslim crusade. Well, why does not that include the principal power of the Muslim world that controls the holy places if this is an anti-Islamic agenda? That makes no sense.

Again there is a massive difference between using force to protect, liberate or just enforce justice and invasion and terrorism. The USSR invaded Afghanistan, no doubt with larger ambitions had they been successful and intended to stay. Everywhere the USA has invaded they have left the place afterwards and usually far better off than when they came. My own country Germany is a case in point as is South Korea. People will always challenge the top dog and most of the time they will fail until that country is no longer the top dog anymore. But India's recent trade talks and alliance overtures to the West and the USA seem to indicate that it would prefer a world under American rules rather than one under Chinese ones and really that is the choice of the modern era. So your own government may well be questioning the wisdom of slagging off the Americans as this piece gleefully attempts to do.

The creation of Israel came after the massacre of 6 million of them by the Germans in the Nazi holocaust. It was actually opposed by the British not supported by them to the shame of the country of my birth. The British had agreements with Jordan and other Arab powers and were more worried about Oil and profits from Arabs than looking after the Jews, though Churchill and others supported them getting their own state which they had been campaigning for since Herzog. Truman's motivations seem closer to those of Christian compassion for a wounded and broken people than ambitions for footholds in a region where the Americans were active agents of decolonisation. Also, he had millions of Jews and Christians at home telling him that these people had suffered enough and it was time to give them a home.

So I completely disagree with what you wrote, its assumptions, and faulty arguments. But it was a stimulating read so thanks for sharing.

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857
857
Review of Serpent lies...  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You posted this on the 'items to review' screen, so I thought I would have a look.

Reader Experience

In the night a warrior against the darkness, with the light having earned to right to awaken free. There is a yearning for a return to purer beginnings and to reach onwards to a place of dreams which interpenetrates our beginnings and adds new dimensions of truth.

Commentary

The fight by night is an empty one governed by a hollow yolk and deceptions YET somehow it earns the right for the freedoms of the light. The remembrance is of purer beginnings and a place of dreams that seems linked to those origins. The light will reveal and break the deceptions. The dream is there in the morning and then in the evening also when all things come to an end OR the whole thing repeats again with a new night and then the new day that follows that. The Serpent rules the night with lies coiled around moonlight, it is laid bare in the light but is it ended.

The Christian vision is that we pass through the night to reach the day and Eternity lasts forever. The Hindus talk of circles. It is not clear which religious framework this poem subscribes to.

Thanks for sharing

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858
858
Review of Shaman's Trance  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Found this on the items to review board.

Reader Experience

A vision of emptiness wrapped in shadow and darkness. A place to learn to forget your strengths and set your weaknesses free. A place where you learn you are blind but need to open your eyes to darkness. A state where you embrace silence in the stillness finding harmony with a new kind of grace.

In this twilight zone between what you think you know and the vision of a new kind of awareness comes a poem to debunk the blindness, assumptions, and core competencies to which you cling. A voice without personal shape or intent to meet instructs and guides.

Commentary

You describe a process of meditation that seems empty and devoid of content to me. Even if it is a new way of looking at things that let's go of what you think you know to embrace a deeper spiritual reality. As a Christian, I might embrace God as someone above my understanding in a cloud of unknowing, asked to relinquish assumptions and connect to the reality of things. But who do you meet in the darkness and the shadows? Does He inspire awe, inspiration, and the confidence of Eternity? Does His strangeness imply our minds are simply not large enough to rationalize his mystery or is this just a toxic cloud that obscures truth and poisons faith, blinding to substantial things that can be said and can be believed in? Does this vision enlighten or distract from the divine, misleading with fine words and empty paths to darkness. What are you in harmony with, a grace that enslaves with new and darker perceptions or which brings us into the Light?

Thanks for sharing. It was well written albeit utterly ambiguous.

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859
859
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed for a brilliant poem

Reader Experience

On the Freedom train from Down Town...


Commentary

Loved this, loved the rhythm and choice of words. Loved the theme, the lost baggage and the surging energy and hope of the final stanza.

Only found one small mistake here:

A porters asks me for my ticket - A porter asks me for my ticket


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860
860
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed for a well written and thought provoking piece.

Reader Experience

You describe a slow awakening into a commitment. But the language describes this suggests a shadow hangs over the conclusion of this.


Commentary

At first sight this reads like the growth towards a religious commitment that makes a person an evangelist for their religion. But it is all about the family ( or church) and it elevates the consideration of that above any kind of theological reflection. God here appears as a sort of manipulative recruitment agent slowly worming his way into a persons life with little gifts and communal affirmations. His goal seems only to be to grow his family and there is no reflection of the love that might compel that. God is Holy and therefore slightly alien and strange to our limited human understanding but here you manage to make Him sound slightly sinister.

For instance this phrase:

She felt the shadow of something passing by as her own hand committed her name to the list - This implies her consent was the basis of her recruitment and quite unbiblically it does not mention that only God writes the names of who are His into the book of salvation. So are you talking about another being here with lower motivations than Divine ones.

Anyway that is how it reads to me , sorry if I have misread it. Thanks for sharing


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861
861
Review of Chronos  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed because I had some time *Wink*

Reader Experience

A poem about time.


Commentary

My main reaction to a poem of this sort would be to mention Eternity. That Eternity and time are mortal enemies is very clear but Eternity will prevail when this time tunnel has finished its journey from beginning to end.

That said I thought this well expressed and articulated many of the themes of its fourth-dimensional interpenetration of our existences superbly. We cannot halt its progress, its expression in the gadgets of time renders even expressions like tick-tock redundant as time begins to be expressed in only digital forms. Time heals, time eliminates the gap between the important and the insignificant among us, time marches with the aging process to kill us eventually. He never pauses even for a moment and marches towards the conclusion of all things.

And yet Joshua saw the sun stand still and we will live forever being ourselves a mix of the eternal image of God and the aging mortal creature. There are some who never died like Enoch and Elijah and there are those who came back from the dead like Jesus, Moses, and Mary. To elevate time in the way you do is almost as religious as my critique of your piece. How could you really know that time is all the things you claim for it? There is a measure of faith in these stanzas as there is in my suggestion of the transcendence of time by Eternity with a capital E.


Thanks for sharing

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862
862
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
As a fellow competitor in the recent SciFi contest and with a love of SciFi I thought I would take the opportunity of reviewing what the others had written now that the competition is over.

Reader Experience

Karid and Brianda want a first-hand experience of Spring. So they stow away on the Researchers' ship. When there they play, stepping on flowers that scream and do not notice that the ship leaves without them. A great storm comes up. When the rescue arrives a few days later it seems they have aged 12 years and even have young children. But getting back to the ship they are suddenly 12 and 13 again. They seem undecided as to whether return or not.


Commentary

So I guess the concept involves some form of time dilation that occurs only inside the bubble of the planetary environment and which does not apply when you leave it. That implies parallel dimensions but without adverse physical effects from transiting from one dimension to the other. This is much like the Narnia effect that CS Lewis described. It also includes the same temptation to stay in that better place where one can be a king rather than return to being a mere child.

I found the text and characters a little wooden and the sentences were also child-like and simple. That might reflect the fact that children were your main characters. You tried putting everything in the present tense when more variety of expression might have worked better.

Thanks for sharing

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863
863
Review of Natural Immunity  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This review comes following your victory in the SciFi competition. I was interested in what you wrote.

Reader Experience

An Edenic planet surveyed by the Farsight crew holds much promise. But then contact is lost, and an armed corvette Paladin is dispatched to investigate...


Commentary

Interesting story of how the seasons on this planet in the HDEX 396671 system are dominated by such a discreet predator. It lulls its prey into a false sense of security for much of the year with some kind of soporific effect and then devours them in Springtime. Must admit I thought this was excellent, you built up the momentum to the surprise ending very well and you kept me engaged throughout. Also, I did not find any obvious or distracting grammatical errors.

I guess my questions would mainly revolve around the plot. The trees seem to be very indiscriminate in what they eat, how come any land life survives in such an environment?

Also, the crew of the Paladin did not seem very military to me and I would have expected them to take better precautions, to be able to identify any pacifying drugs in the atmosphere, and also to have better-followed protocols that would have at least preserved a crew in the ship in the event of the tragedy at the end of the story. This particularly having observed the foot in the shoe and the dearth of animals following Springtime.

That said I enjoyed this immensely.

Thanks for sharing

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864
864
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed to wreck Rotterdam.

Reader Experience

On a bad day in Rotterdam...


Commentary

Rotterdam is the biggest port in Europe handling much of the Oil import traffic. So I figured a bad day in Rotterdam would have to at very least include a burning oil tanker with the flames spreading towards the BP, Esso, or Gunvor Refineries threatening to engulf them also. Also maybe dead bodies floating down the Maas from a disaster upstream and floodwaters from snowmelt. Then add on top of that being stuck in traffic. This poem did not really engage with the city. It could have been any city.

Thanks for sharing

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865
865
Review of Cloud Stories  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and I guess this is my lucky day as I got two of your poems in a row.

Reader Experience

Watching clouds and reading fairy tales in their continually changing shapes.


Commentary

It has been a cold spring here in Northern Europe and I am looking forward to the day I can sit in my hammock under the sun and occasional white fluffy cloud. A person can be so busy doing projects: working, reading, surfing the web, or commentating on this or that. But sometimes the experience of simply watching the clouds is both therapeutic and necessary. Let our own imaginations paint pictures and see patterns on the ever-changing canvas of the sky. Your poem was amazing and really brought out an experience I have both had and want to get back to. It expresses harmony and connection between the skies and our minds that we all too often allow technology to disrupt or even shatter.

Thanks for sharing this was extremely well done.

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866
866
Review of One More Memory  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and wow!

Reader Experience

Country Western-style story of lost love. Memories haunt like ghosts. Preachers point to God's big plan. But at this bar, they held hands and laughed in a way that is not easily forgotten.


Commentary

These are awesome lyrics and should be a hit song. I searched and could not find it on google though. There is more meaning and power here than in most hits out there though. I have nothing negative to say about this so sorry but you will have to settle for a gushing 5 stars.

I especially liked this stanza:

As I walk down the street I see
the places where you used to be.
I wipe my eyes and turn away.
I don't want the pain of yesterday.


Thanks for sharing

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867
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed to ride a Ferris Wheel

Reader Experience

The experience of a Ferris wheel is both exciting and nauseating.


Commentary

We have a regular festival here in Germany in my wife's home town when we have Carnival. The kids love the rides and a Ferris wheel gives views and thrills. But as you say better not to have eaten too much before the ride. I liked your description here which brought the whole thing to life.

I did think the sequence was a little illogical. Surely the first verse should be this one:

Mommy, please, let’s go!
The shouts of excitement grow.
I just can’t say no.

Also, the excitement and views would precede the nausea

Thanks for sharing

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868
Review of Toilet Tiger  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and found it impossible to ignore.

Reader Experience

There is a Tiger in the toilet or is there?

Commentary

An adult male Tiger can weigh as much as 310 kilograms which would probably crush most toilets into a fine white powder. Yes, that would be quite scary as in the sterile environment of most bathrooms you would be his next meal.

But this image implies a stuffed Tiger, like a children's toy blocking the toilet. It is an image of rejection of the person who gave the toy and of the toy itself, or maybe a symptom of a childish tantrum. It also implies you have a blocked toilet and cannot flush and so we go full cycle as a blocked toilet can itself be quite scary.

So guess this image is quite pregnant with possibility and inspires all sorts of fears and then relief and then new anxieties.


Thanks for sharing

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869
869
Review of Home Fires  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed because the poem moved me

Reader Experience

His Mom and brother Jack are longing for the soldier's return and then he makes it back for Christmas.


Commentary

I confess this one put a tear in my eye. The sacrifices of our war heroes who fight for our freedoms are also borne by those who miss them when they are gone and long for their return. So glad this son and this brother made it home safely. I was worried you were going to give it a tragic ending so the last stanza was a pleasurable relief.

Thanks for sharing

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870
870
Review of Lost Earring  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button

Reader Experience

A boorish, self-centered star is about to do a show for her adoring fans. She needs to find the earrings that a man she is interested in marrying gave her. Grady finds it for her but receives no thanks. Grady is thinking of quitting and does not rate the star's chances with Jimmy her love interest.


Commentary

Well, one can sympathize with Grady. This star is a very unattractive person. She is quite busy with shows and thoughts of Jimmy I suppose but that does not excuse treating the staff like they were nothing. There are a load of small errors here:

Did you mean brass-necked or brazen? Brass by itself does not sound right.

Cadence, Candace or Cadance? You use all three to describe the star.

the jumble of bits and bobbles that where now scattered all over her makeup table = the jumble of bits and bobbles that were now scattered all over her makeup table

My Grammarly lights up red with commas and hyphens missing also and extra the's for example.

Thanks for sharing

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871
871
Review of My Friend  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and was intrigued

Reader Experience

From the picture, this is a poem about a homeless man and his dog. The poem is about a giant soul dressed as a dog who brings love to those deserted by all others. Maybe the two are the same thing.


Commentary

Well executed but being a cat person I doubt a dog's love has anything to do with real feeling. It is just a matter of conditioning, training, feeding, and the associative feelings of family affection that resulted. A cat is more authentic and does not pretend to love you but it insists you love it. A dog wags its tail and demands walks and frisbees and hugs. It licks you and brings you things you do not want. People say dogs are a man's best friend, but maybe the homeless man is just more comfortable, warmer, and more secure than sleeping on the streets with the rats.

Still for a dog person, not bad. Thanks for sharing

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872
872
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed for the memories

Reader Experience

Wow, this brought back some memories. Charlton v Chelsea presumably in the FA Cup and the aftermatch daredevils.


Commentary

I used to have a friend who supported Chelsea as indeed does one of my brothers. I would go to the Shed quite a lot. But I was a Man U fan so we would alternate matches. The most violent match I remember was Chelsea v Millwall. People died after that match. Another match at White Hart Lane with my dad who is a Spurs fan we were a mixed group from both teams in seats. We watched a riot in the neighboring stand and people were stabbed after that game also. I remember my dad being quite shocked by the change since "his day". This was all before big money ruined the game and Abramovich. My impression is that it is quite subdued now compared to then. The ticket prices, all seats, and security cameras mean that it is no longer a yobs game.

Chelsea is all upmarket now and there have been no terraces since Hillsborough. I kind of miss the action and the risk if truth be told. At the same time, I am glad I survived those years.

Thanks for sharing, your piece brought all that back alive again. The bravado, the fear, the violence, the blind irrational tribal stupidity of it all, and Chelsea. I have probably seen them play at Stamford Bridge more time than most fans today. It is all so commercial and the media companies have too much power. I liked your piece because it sounded authentic and brought it alive. I guess someone would have to have really been there to recognize that quality.

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873
Review of Just chillin'  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and was hooked by the poem

Reader Experience

Can you go nonelectric for an entire day?


Commentary

We are so wired to each other and to a global community. WE are expected to tug at the strings on the web and the music we generate is monitored by ad agencies trying to sell us stuff, by people who like us on Facebook, or tweet rude replies. Green lamps appear on my work screen when people log in. If the lamps are red and no good reason is given we immediately suspect something is wrong. But it was not always like this and sometimes it is good to switch the whole lot off. Read a book, lie in a hammock in the sunshine, go for a long run or walk. Swim in the ocean, talk to someone without a mobile fact-checker in your hand.

Liked this poem which was well done and told a story we need to hear.

Thanks for sharing

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874
Review of Eight  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed for the archery

Reader Experience

Hunters kill their prey.


Commentary

There is a confusion of weaponry here and I was unsure at first if you had some far-out colloquial phrases for components of a crossbow. But it seems you are talking about 4 different ways that the "unsuspecting" could die, by crossbow, by a leopard, by a mortar round, or by the swing of an ax. With all 4 together it seems like overkill and you kind of know that someway somehow they are going to die. When there is a doubt about this then it makes it more exciting.

Of course, this could all be metaphorical and you just talking about 4 different kinds of looks. It was not at all clear to me.


Thanks for sharing

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875
Review of Daffodil Sunset  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via the random 'read & review' button and stayed because I liked the poem

Reader Experience

A description of a sunset that compares it to a Daffodil.

Commentary

Daffodils are yellow as the sun is before it begins its final descent. I can remember some pretty spectacular Cornish sunsets when the headlands or the cliffs obscure those last moments. So what you get is the yellow sun suddenly disappearing behind a block of land. But it is not yet colored red because it is still too high in the sky. Technically I suppose that is not the sunset although it might be the last time you see the sun that day.

I must admit generally I am stood on a West facing Cornish beach when I see these kinds of sunsets having spent in the sun and the sand and tired from swimming and battling the waves on a surfboard. I will be throwing stones over the wave tops and the ocean will be empty of swimmers by this time. There is a sense of exhaustion about the day, gently fading away. But not sure if timid is the right word. The sun may lack the ferocity of mid-afternoon and be giving away to the night but I see it more as a spent force than a cowardly one running away. But Quiet and beautiful works for me.


Thanks for sharing

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