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2,324 Public Reviews Given
2,324 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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751
751
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Detective . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "I Heard the Sound of Raging Thunder"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A storm is growing, not just one with dark clouds, rain, and lightning. A storm is coming that is born of some evil and it brings war. But who is ready to confront this evil. Who will stand with the author against the encroachment of a dark night. He is reassured by the gentle warm breeze that he will not be alone in this fight.


*Quill*Commentary

Well-written powerful stuff. You had me grabbing for my sword and shield and summoning the squire to prepare my horse for battle.

I am used to these feelings of impending doom threatening all I hold dear because I grew up in the Cold War. Not sure Gen Z and Alpha really get the fear factor here. China seems far away, Russia hacks remotely and most Americans could not point out Crimea on a map. Islam broke into people's consciousness with events like 911 and 77 but the modern generation are more afraid of covid than war even though the chances of a young person dying of this are minimal. Indeed many realize this and do not live in fear at all.

There were similar feelings in the twenties and thirties. People thought that we had fought the war to end all wars and only a madman would do that again. Unfortunately, the world is well stocked with madmen and so evil is always emerging on the horizon like an impending storm.

Anyway loved this poem, it was well written and interesting.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None.


Thanks for sharing.

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752
752
Review of You Wink  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, ~Sue~ . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "You Wink"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The wink distracted her, she smiled, and then...

Commentary

Loved this, very funny. It made me laugh over coffee this morning.

It reminds me of the time when I was chatting away with a girl I was obsessed with, but never stood a chance with, as a school kid while we walked with a group of friends down a street. I was so absorbed in our conversation and just being with her that I did not pay attention to where I was walking. I walked straight, bang, slap into a lamppost, and fell down. Humiliating! But it makes me smile now that I think back about it.

Mechanical issues

None.

Thanks for sharing.

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753
753
Review of Help Wanted  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Genipher . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Help Wanted"  via the Sci Fi Competition list for May. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Dr. Nobody is hiring and Minion who studied at the Lackey Academy of Flunkies has very few options on the table and is desperate for a job. Having accepted a job that requires him to call Dr. Nobody Master and accept the title of Minion for himself he is given a tour of a very impressive lab. This includes giant rats and finally, as the piece-de-la-resistance a time-traveling bicycle. The rescue of Fluffy the cat being the key to Dr.Nobodys plans to take over the world.


Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This was a highly entertaining read but the connection with science was shady at best. You took a lot of pet mad scientist themes and crowded them ALL into a single short story. Maybe I should applaud your ambition and the result was entertaining. But this is more comedy than sci-fi in my opinion.

For example, you talked about your time-traveling bike requiring 1.21 GW of power (The same number as the Back to the Future DeLorean. Pedaling furiously would generate just over 100 Watts. To generate the amounts you needed here would require 3.125m solar panels or 412 Utility-scale Wind turbines or 1.3 m horses to put it into perspective.

Also, parts of the plot were a little confused or lacked anything like a plausible explanation. When did he get cloned for instance?

When I was a post-grad in an arty-farty type subject area I had a lot of scientist Ph.D. friends whom I would hang out with. Most of them were minions of some professor who would work them like slaves and then take much of the credit for their experiments. That was the deal. They got a Ph.D. at the end in exchange for 4 years of servitude. So your description of the Dr. Nobody HR management sounded quite familiar to me and made me chuckle.

I did like the Dr.Nobody character as he fitted the mad scientist profile very well. Though I doubt his polymathic proclivity in fields as diverse as genetic engineering and temporal mechanics. Also, I am cynical regarding the possibility of time travel back in time as the theoretical science supporting that does not exist.

So to summarise I found this hilarious and well-written but unhinged from anything like a credible storyline or proper science.


Mechanical issues

This was well written.


Thanks for sharing.

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754
754
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, PureSciFi . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Everyone Was Going Mad About Science"  via the May SciFi competition list. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Angra has found a solution to the agelessness of the Yanti population which is apparently also characterized by madness. He kills the entire population of the planet.


Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Angra is the villain of Yanti who according to your plot turns out to be its Savior by killing much of the population excluding the youngest adults that survived his experimentation process

Also while the scientific delivery system for Angra's solutions appears to be these Space Projectiles I was not clear what they did the first time - did they stop everybody from aging. It seems the application of the solution to older adults killed them all including Angra the scientist. This also was not very clear.

I found the plot a little confusing and the grammatical errors very distracting. But there may well have been a good story under here relating to overpopulation and the aging process.


Mechanical issues

“That’s fine with me,” said angra = “That’s fine with me,” said Angra

Capitalization issues. Begin sentences with capitals: e.g.

then she looked up at the monitors again - Then

This sentence seems all wrong:

after it exploded red rain droplets rained
down on the Yantians outside of buildings and buildings too. Did you mean:

After it exploded red rain droplets rained
down on the Yantians inside and outside of the buildings.

There are a lot of awkwardly phrased sentences also missing words e.g.

Once they were the transport left. - Once
they were in the transport left.

Conflicting tenses in this sentence:
As she read each result, she closes her eyes
tight, squinting them, and smiles


Thanks for sharing.

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755
755
Review of This Appearance  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, THANKFUL SONALI Now What? . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "This Appearance"  in the winners list of the What a Character Contest. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Kalinda does not know how beautiful she is despite the collective gasps of the art class when she takes her clothes off. She took her clothes off for Manish. He seems dead set on making her into a successful model, but she is only interested in his feelings about her and how he looks at her.


Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Kalinda is beautiful from a family of beautiful women. Everybody loves a beautiful woman but her character seems simple. She wants the approval of the man she loves and that only. She takes off her clothes or models those of fashion designers for him. She is modest and does not believe she is as beautiful as she really is. That modesty about her own physical perfection is charming but is it the basis of an interesting character. Kalinda is the kind of woman that would grab the attention of every man she walked past. That said, where is the personality that would keep them interested in her when her looks eventually fade. My cat recently died. This animal was pretty and she was utterly devoted to my wife. I held her dead body in my arms when the breath of life in her departed. Something had left, her distinctive personality was no longer there. But she was not on the same level as a human being. But reading your story I do not see any level of personality greater than that of my cats in Kalinda

Manish never seems to truly connect to her as a person. But her entire personality appears to surround connecting with him. So what is there to connect to?

In order to achieve a career, she is not especially interested in, she is tricked by the man she loves. She ends up doing what he wants. Will this result in resentment later as she falls into a role she did not choose for herself?

I guess this is a personal thing but I did not really really warm to Kalinda.


Mechanical issues

None

Thanks for sharing.

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756
756
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, THoulihan . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Throwing Darts at a Map"  via the items requiring review page. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A single black 23-year-old female, who spent a year living homeless on the streets after a big breakup goes to Phom Penh Cambodia. She has spent the last of her money on the ticket, knows no one there, and is taking a massive step of faith. It proves to be the making of the woman she became.

Commentary

I loved the title, 'throwing darts at a map'. The choice of Cambodia appears quite random. Maybe the point was that it was somewhere else than where you were, a new frontier where new beginnings were possible once again. This pre-covid story of freedom of travel and the use of networking applications to establish contacts in a brand new country is a reminder of a world I want to get back to also. In just 16 hours I will be fully vaccinated and I guess the horizons open up again once more after that. Thanks for sharing your story. The only major disagreement I would have would be the ascription of such dark motivations to your act of faith. You have interpreted the action as something born of insecurity, defeat, and cynicism but it reads to me like the act of a person who felt deep inside that life could be different. It describes how what came before did not necessarily have to shape her future also. It reads like an act of faith.

Mechanical issues

None I noticed.


Thanks for sharing.

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757
757
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, BIG BAD WOLF Happy July 4th! . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Elegy to Imagination"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A person grows up and forgets those parallel dimensions of stories and fantasies that kept them so entertained when they were younger. Can this friendship with the realm of dragons and mermaids be restored?

Commentary

Responsibility, life, marriage, jobs, kids - adulthood. Always moving, always doing, going from one thing to the next, no time to read, no time to think, no time to dream. Canned dreams in tv shows fill the gap but you miss the worlds that you created and lived in, in a more carefree youth.

I empathize. But so also the rush of experiences gives fuel for the imagination later on when you do again have more time.


Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

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758
758
Review of Listening in Vain  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Ned . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Listening in Vain"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The remembered person had a great voice. The memory tries to recall these sounds.


Commentary

So the singer is gone but the effort to remember implies a connection and a concern. There was a quality there worth recalling and yet in all honesty there is a struggle to remember at this distance. About how much of our genius and of our pinnacle moments can the same be said? Only God remembers what man forgets too easily. If there is no heaven then our music is lost forever and will never find its most perfect expression.


Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

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759
759
Review of Throughport  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Fivesixer . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Throughport"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A strained friendship raises feelings of awkwardness and questions of how best to deal with it.


Commentary

A mixture of signals, friendship where you expected fighting. A mixture of anger and playing nice did you do this person wrong or were you wronged, nothing is really clear, but you are trapped in a mask of guilt. You express the awkwardness of the interaction well and the effort to simply get on.

You shared this in the personal genre and only you know what you are really talking about. Rereading this years later the emotions may trigger memories for you but they remain mainly inaccessible to a wider audience.

Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

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760
760
Review of Journey  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Journey"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A poet looks back on his life's journey, remembering the route he took as the map of this is still in his mind. His footprints traced on scraps of paper.


Commentary

The road was windy and some footprints can still be seen while others fade from sight. There a collection in the dust where weariness gave pause, there distance, where my strides were longer, rejuvenated by new horizons

And all of it captured in the occasional poem written on a scrap of paper and then digitalized on Writing.com

Was not clear if the footprints were readable or disappearing. They faded or were obliterated but each new step revived them or collections were readable leaving me a little confused. Finally, you suggest that only the recorded steps on the scraps of paper will actually survive.


Mechanical issues

None

Thanks for sharing.

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761
761
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, PureSciFiPlus . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received ""The Intervention""  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Donald has been called to an intervention. Is he spending too much time on Writing.com?


Commentary

Well, it was a sort of intervention. It was unclear how many interventionists were there. You used "all of us" in the first sentence, but then the chairs were empty and only one man spoke and he commented that he did not know where the others were. Were they also on Writing.com? Nothing was said about that.

Your explanation for your time investment seemed solid enough. You are a writer and this is a place where a person can write, get feedback and grow as a writer. That said what more needed to be said and so you left.

It was an amusing concept.


Mechanical issues

Found a few issues:

That must I know for sure = That much I know for sure

When a fellow member of Writing.com introduced that to me and I started using it I have gotten a whole lot better = Since a fellow member of Writing.com introduced that to me and I started using it I have gotten a whole lot better

Speaking of intervention, I wonder where the other are at = Speaking of intervention, I wonder where the others are.


Thanks for sharing.

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762
762
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, MyMindInRhyme . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Share my home-brew"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

An upbeat positive poem about a person who wants to give, affirm, build up others.


Commentary

We share a similar outlook and concern for the mental well-being of others. Truth and Reality shared with respect, gentleness and love are crucial I believe. Darkness and deceptions need to be challenged and overthrown but so also hope offered for a better tomorrow.

This poem wasn't genius, it was real simple, but sometimes the simple ones are best, and when they say the right things all the better. I liked this.

Mechanical issues

You might want to rethink this last line which was not obvious. How does shampoo open doors exactly?

If others let this sit like shampoo,
There won't be a door they can't run through.


Thanks for sharing.

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763
763
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Crop Circle Armada"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Crop circles are alien art crafted by alien flying saucers passing by. Citizens of the earth look up and tremble even if the hostile intent has not yet been demonstrated.


Commentary

The news is full of stuff about flying saucers since the Pentagon released its papers recently. But these are just blurry inconclusive photos that almost always have alternate explanations. Space exploration has revealed "Magnificant Desolation" out there and it seems life is something we bring to the universe rather than arrives here. Crop circles are the product of mischievous kids with too much time on their hands.

Sorry to be a cynic but I do not believe there are any grounds to believe in aliens.

Well written but unbelievable.


Mechanical issues

You kept the One Octave Ottava Rima structure.


Thanks for sharing.

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764
764
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Arakun the Twisted Raccoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Triumph of the Small and Weak"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The Entomologist collected insects to impale them on cruel spikes in his collections but then...

Commentary

There are some 10 quintillion insects on this planet apparently. We step on some, swallow some, swat some and kill many every day, and yet there is little chance they will ever die out. Here we have a man who prides himself on collecting and collating insect finds in the effort to understand them and their world. He is regarded as a murderer but these are not sentient beings with souls and there are more than enough of them to spare.

So found this piece funny and it made me laugh. It was well written but I disagree that an entomologist can be regarded as a murderer.


Mechanical issues

None.


Thanks for sharing.

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765
765
Review of The Well  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, C.C. Moore . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Well"  via a newsletter. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Mary is escaping from her boyfriend's friends and a rich kid party which she was not enjoying. She goes walking in the woods beyond the estate and falls down a well. She is not alone down there...


Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So you have Henry who seems to be the son of a rich family with an estate and to hang with similarly privileged and possibly disconnected rich kids. He is an engineer and materialistic- rationalistic will little sense for supernatural things. He appears quite shallow but is rescued by his concern for Marywho did not come from his sort of background. She appears to be, twenty-four, with a cat called Borsch, she is an artist and is in love with Henry but not his friends. She could be a gold digger, artists rarely make much money and she is only just starting out, poverty deepens her character but also sets her at odds with those who have lived at ease all their lives. Did her resentment give her a lack of perspective or introduce the true costs and foibles of rich people culture once she did not have Henry all to herself.

The kids in the well are spooky, too young for the words that are coming out of their mouths with too many teeth for people 6 years old and younger. Maybe you should have gone for slightly older kids. Their Ma was a believer but she was killed by their dad who also dumped them down the well. It is hard to know if her encounter was a demonic one or ghosts that could not rest or did she imagine everything being in extreme pain. The account is credible either way. The kids had seen evil triumph over good and it is hard to know what they had become in their final moments. If ghosts maybe they can move on with the burial of the bones; if demons then maybe their vindictive purpose has not yet been laid to rest; if just imagined she has this trauma to deal with.

The basic storyline is the hope that Mary would escape from the well. The evil in the well and the broken leg made that a necessity. A happy ending is always good.


Mechanical issues

Did not notice any.


Thanks for sharing.

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766
766
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Detective . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The House Above the Sea"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A house above the sea, an ancient family home. It houses its secrets and its mysteries. Not all who visit this place get to leave it.

Commentary

One of my favorite places in all the world is the North Cornish coast with cliffs looking over the Atlantic. To own a house with a view of the rocky headlands and Atlantic rollers on beautiful sandy beaches would be idyllic. But when I was a teacher in the area it came to my attention that there were a whole bunch of issues with the people there, with drugs and mental health for instance - a product of generational deep hippy culture and relative poverty. Ancient houses hide mysteries and secrets. So it was easy for me to visualize this house in your poem and the implications of the poem did not seem so far-fetched.

I remember as a child exploring a big old house like this and finding a deserted mine shaft in its garden ( possibly an old tin mine). It was rural, remote and its implicit stories ancient. In the nighttime, there were no street lamps and if cloudy no stars or moon also. The combination of wild vegetation, darkness and shadows, and rusty remnants was pregnant with untold stories.

Mechanical issues

None I noticed

Thanks for sharing.

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767
767
Review of Crucible  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, warriormom. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Release"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience


Commentary

If anything this poem understates the problem. 460000 children go missing every year in the USA. Millions more go missing worldwide. Child labor, sex trafficking, and other reasons result in the kidnap and misery of children all over the world. So the number 200 or even thousands seemed too low as a starting point referring to only an isolated incident in a much longer list.

There is callousness and brutality to this world that too many people would prefer to ignore. We pretend we live in Disney land when the reality is far more ugly.

I loved these last lines:

When did the common good
become uncommon?

The flames of hell
are testing our mettle.
How many tears will it take
to quell this raging inferno?

As you suggest compassion and understanding are crucial to combat this.


Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

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768
768
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Adherennium Dr of Phoolishness . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "What then shall I write about?"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A poem about nothing except about writing a poem.


Commentary

Empty semantics and words for word's sake bug me. It as though they devalue the use of words to say important things. It is better to be silent than to fill space with empty words. So I did not like the concept of the poem from the outset. Mind you that is probably the same reason I stay away from poetry competitions. I write what is on my heart and what is bursting inside me and needs expression, not to some arbitrary prompt. Weirdly this is not true with short stories etc where I find the prompt helps.

Your thinking was on the lines of I am going to say something regardless of the lack of inspiration here. It will not make me any money but procrastination is not worth my while either. I will demonstrate the poet's art by articulating the vain attempt to find a reason to speak. I guess there is value in the practice. Though there were mechanical issues with this poem.

My deeper issue here I guess is with the whole Wittgensteinian language philosophy that has crept into English literature departments across the English-speaking world. Language has become a contextual, rule-dependent game with words and the words used just empty symbols disconnected from faith and useful tradition and sometimes even referenced material objects. Wittgenstein suggested a limit to what language can do and the inability to translate our private languages into something accessible. Speaking out becomes a mere activity, or form of life, or game, rather than necessarily connecting with any deeper meanings or meta-narratives. It is a form of nihilism and moral relativism that has emptied conversations and stories across the Western world of any true meanings and rendered most of what is published today utter drivel. It has eroded the trust people place in genuine truth and revelations as with scripture and made the use of language an empty game played out for entertainment and for the profit of Media giants like Netflix.

Mechanical issues

You had an a-c, b-d rhyming structure in the first two stanzas that you broke in the final stanza.


Thanks for sharing.

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769
769
Review of Mr Moonlight  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Adherennium Dr of Phoolishness . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Mr Moonlight"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The supernatural Mr. Moonlight steps into Maria Guadalupe Herrera's dead taxi from a snowstorm bringing the heaters and the motors instantly to life. He is dry despite the storm. Where to next?

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Mr. Moonlight sounds supernatural. He steps in from a storm dry, the car starts when he enters, he knows things he could not, like her name and which hotel she was taking him to. He seems to have some kind of mind control over Maria suppressing her fear.

Maria Guadalupe Herrera is a taxi driver in a taxi that has been dead for 30 minutes.

The man wants to take the woman to a hotel with him. He quotes the Tom Waits song Heartattack and vine. The song refers to locations in Los Angeles Hollywood. But maybe here the reference means he is going to do whatever he does with her without regard for the consequences. So it has a sinister overtone.

Being British I object to the use of British accents to imply sinisterly intent. It was the same in Star Wars when all the evil Empire Officials had impeccable British accents while the rebels were Americans.

The story implies sinister intent, but there is no explanation of why such a gifted individual would simply use his powers to pick up women. There is no implication that Maria has some special role or purpose or pedigree to explain his interest in her. So it just looks like a horny supervillain who wants sex. we are missing any hints as to a bigger picture here.


Mechanical issues

The last line does not make sense:

Maria’s taxi pulled away into the mixed bag.


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Review of 23 Mile Staircase  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Dave92706 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "23 Mile Staircase"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

On a road trip across America, two teenagers hike into the Grand Canyon and back creating unforgettable memories on the way.


Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So you and Robert and your parents are the characters in this tale. Your dad was mad about cameras and wanted to photo the sights of the USA. Your hike provided some cool pictures but you have never seen the prints of those.

This is one of those coming-of-age trigger moments, a day when you stepped outside parental boundaries and tested your limits. The harsh temperatures the overnight absence must have had your parents worried not to mention the raging flood of the river. I understand how your dad was angry though I think as a dad myself I would have secretly proud of my son for doing something like that also.

Loved the story and was engaged from start to finish. It made me want to go there which is always a good sign in a story.


Mechanical issues

You used the word gruel rather than cruel towards the end when describing your father's reaction.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Fergus the Frog  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Elska Hugrekki . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Fergus the Frog"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A charming tale about a bullied frog called Fergus. He is feeling sad. Then his friends come back...

Commentary

Sometimes the simple ones are best. This poem about bullying, making up and friendship just works for me.

I have been watching the football in the Euros. Yesterday England beat Germany in a very special game for me and my family. The England side has a player called Sterling. We were all laughing at the way he runs, he holds his hands out at the side as he does so. But this guy was incredible last night scoring for the third time in this tournament. So we were all ready to forgive and indeed even celebrate his eccentricities this morning.


Mechanical issues

There was a considerable variation in the number of syllables in each line which spoilt the rhythm a little.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of A Whole New World  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Rhyssa . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Whole New World"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

I think she loves him!

Commentary

Any guy who can transform the very weather so that the rain is always warm and who can choreograph the stars into a dance just for you is quite a catch. Or this is a serious case of love-induced rose-tinted glasses.

This is a homey picture of romance all flowers and baking smells and the smell of a fresh cut lawn. Yet so also this love manages to continually surprise and remain exciting.

This is the kind of love that sets a person free to dream and yet is also utterly dependent on the beloved.

I am usually a bit of a cynic with romantic stories and poems but I really liked this one and do not have anything negative to say about it.


Mechanical issues

None worth mentioning.

Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Lost to Fear  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello, Writer_Mike . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Lost to Fear"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

His cowardice meant that he did not save Cassie and his panicked reaction to the shark doomed him. His last question: Can such cowardice be forgiven?


Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You have the man and Cassie who might be a love interest or family/friend. He failed to save her in the heat of the moment.

I guess the whole point of these mini-plots is that they leave the reader pregnant with questions. How did the fire start that caused the problem with the sailboat? Could he have put the fire out if he had been more together? Who was Cassie? Why was he so afraid? Could there have been a better outcome anyway given the sharks?

We have all experienced these moments of testing when we should have manned up and done the right thing.

As the good book says there are no cowards in heaven unless forgiveness can be obtained. Would he have done it all differently if he had been given a second chance?


Mechanical issues

Did not find any issues and liked the story.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Dark Visitor  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Dark Visitor"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Enamored by the dream of romantic love she finds that connection with someone. But then they are taken from her by sickness and he dies. She seeks desperately to find a way to get him back. Finally, an old dark arts hag finds a way that they can be reunited...


Commentary

All very witch of Endor. The idolatry of romantic love makes her obsessions slave. She is willing to try anything. The Hag was right this was the only way they could be reunited. There is nothing magical about poison but there is a finality about it.

As a Christian, I would have two main reactions to this woman. Idolizing romantic love is stupid. Take it as a gift, enjoy it while it lasts, but do not pretend it is a substitute for God Almighty. Second, she looks in all the wrong places because she lacks all perspective, her idolatry has distorted her sense of reality to the point that she cannot see boundaries.

Not sure what the hag gains from simply poisoning her. To destroy life might be reward enough for a servant of the dark side I suppose but I would have thought she would have at least asked the woman to give her all her money also.

When people talk about romantic connections beyond the grave they always seem a little wild-eyed fantastical to me. Orgasms give us glimpses of pure joy but living in God's light is pure joy all the time, a romantic connection fades by way of significance in that eternal and awesome presence. When my grandfather died all sorts of good things happened the next few days like he was organizing stuff. Then he moves on into God's Light and you just know he is in a better place. When these romantic connections across lifetimes end in murders and suicides and stupidities like that articulated here all I see is the distorting and harmful effects of idolatry.


Mechanical issues

None another masterwork.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Two Voices  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Have a sunshiny day! . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Two Voices"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The writer is plagued by two voices, one that discourages and the other that affirms. Let the positive overcome the negative so that she can write.

Commentary

It is so true, most people who write may never be internationally acclaimed super authors but does that stop them from writing? More than a million books are published each year now and the possibility of success often seems remote. It would be so easy to despair and simply give up.

A writer needs to know why they write and what the value of that is. Personally, I feel I have a story that I must write someday that is somehow important and must be heard, but that I need to develop to a point where what I write works for others and grabs them and where I am confident I have truly mastered the craft. In the meantime, I find that writing helps with preaching and is a kind of therapy as I work through a lifetime of undigested thoughts, feelings, and experiences. The basis of resilience is therefore for me the desire to learn, digest, and improve and one day articulate that story.

Your poem reminded me of a sermon I once gave where I used an angel and a devil puppet each perched on one shoulder whispering contradictory advice into my ears.

Glad the good guys won in your personal story.


Mechanical issues

2x4 then 1x2 then repeat. First two lines rhyming each time.


Thanks for sharing.

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