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2,435 Public Reviews Given
2,435 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing Open in new Window. (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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751
751
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Ms. Brightside Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Life of a High School Burnout" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A student appears close to burnout, stressed and worried, and a little depressed about not yet being enrolled in university.


*Quill*Commentary

I am not American but I thought a 4.0 GPA was as good as you can get and is the equivalent of A grades in all your subjects. But apparently, there is a difference between unweighted and weighted GPAs and an Indian student in Florida even got a 10.03! I know people who applied to Oxford University in the UK and were rejected, even though they had the grades for the place and then went to a lower-ranked university as a result. For many of these, a first degree was more about the meaning of life than hard academic study anyway. I know others who had the same life questions who got into Oxbridge and were destroyed by an academic rigor they were not prioritized on. These days it is so expensive going to university in the USA and UK I guess it is a more all or nothing choice and that adds to the stress. I am glad my kids will probably end up in a German university where they have more time to become adults and prepare for their careers also. Now when I consider Oxbridge graduates or those who studied under other regimes I see little difference on a mass level, it is about how you as a person approach the learning process and that process is lifelong, some who think they have made it have simply let go and become soft and flabby, others who started lower have long since overtaken them. The moment can stress a person out but the race is longer than the moment.

Your piece also reminded me of a period of job instability I had about 10 years ago applied for jobs continually and being continually rejected until I was not - very stressful - but the moment passes!

Your piece was a little negative and wrapped up in the moment. This too will pass. I will give you 4 stars for a 4.0 GPA.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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752
752
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, PureSciFi Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I saw "SpaceStorms Can Be Created" Open in new Window. on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for June. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A brilliant rebel scientist Mothim can create Space Storms. Who can stop him?


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Mothim rejected and despised by the scientific community goes on to invent a way of creating Space Storms. He also appears to have created some kind of imaging technology that allows him to push red buttons without being there!

There are a lot of inconsistencies here and the way it is written needs a lot of work to make it comprehensible also. The technology of these green tubes inducing cosmic scale events seemed implausible. Were you really saying green handguns would suck in green tubes from a cosmic level space storm that would end the storm? How this could possibly work seems incredible from a reader's perspective.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You pass a grammar check but your sentences are poorly constructed. These are just some examples from the opening paragraphs.

So much shaking you could almost see - Shaking so much you could almost see

it got even worse with power streaks happening all
around them. - it got even worse with streaks of power occurring all
around them.

A group of trees so thick that sunlight couldn’t get through it. - A group of trees so thick that
sunlight couldn’t penetrate.

Mothim was trying to stop them from getting his revenge
by tapping away at the buttons on his control panel Mothim wanted to get revenge not stop the people trying to stop him.

Thanks for sharing.

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753
753
Review of Words and Winds  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Morgenstern Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Words and Winds" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A Haiku is answered in two lines. The haiku speaks of a loud clear spirit of a writer, of pages drifting like autumn leaves on wings of unfurled ink. The reply intensifies the passion of the writer's output into a hurricane and a maelstrom of stories unfolding. It is an image of chaotic creativity.


*Quill*Commentary

I love this. First, an image of gently falling Autumn leaves, drifting in a breeze, each of them representing a page in a story. Then the answer whipping them up into a hurricane that brings down whole libraries from the Autumn trees. But are stories just echoes of life, the leaf that dies and falls to the ground, vivid with Autumn colors red, brown, and yellow yet falling. Or does the hurricane grant them new life propelling their dazzling array of colors up and down and sideways at great speed, spelling out a library of stories that appear now more alive than the trees they leave bleak and broken by the storm of life in which they are caught up?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

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754
754
Review of The Way Station  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, 🌖 HuntersMoon Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Way Station" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Jason wakes up in a cavern surrounded by flames. Apparently, Cryogenics does not work and he is dead and being deiced. But where does he go next?


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I guess this is a sort of version of Catholic purgatory specially adapted for people who need deicing on their way to wherever next.

I loved the last line about people who would not share the covers *Smile*

There is something macabre about people who believe we have no souls and that we are only physical. When you have seen people die you know that something leaves them at that moment and that icing their bodies in hope of resuscitation is not enough. Whatever it was that was them has after all already left the building.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This line does not really work:

A devil looking creature came over - a devilish looking.... or a creature that looked like a devil.


Thanks for sharing.

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755
755
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Stik to My Own Beat Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Smashing Chocolate" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A person alone on Valentine's day crushes candy under their feet. Then they sit with a friend on the dirty sidewalk glad they have each other.

*Quill*Commentary

True friends are there in the good times and the bad ones. A romantic without a partner finds Valentine's Day especially hard and deals with it by breaking candy on the street and then sitting and talking with a friend. Life goes on and friendship saves the day.

It was interesting that you portray confectionary as the victim of some kind of atrocity as if they symbolized the hopes and dreams you had for that day.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

candy callously smashed
from my vicious feet. - maybe by my vicious feet would have been better


Thanks for sharing.

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756
756
Review of The Promise  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, 🌖 HuntersMoon Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Promise" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Daganth despises humans yet fears he may be among the last of the dragons. He goes into the mountains to consult a sage and comes up with a scheme to preserve his firstborn...


*Quill*Commentary

An epic narrative poem that tells the story of the last dragons and their last attempt to save their race from no more tomorrows. I found this simply brilliant. Even though dragons seem to me to be monsters that despise human beings you had me empathizing with their plight.

There were some epic lines here:

The rule of dragons is no more;
a faded memory,
a legend from the days of yore -
not even history.

It seemed strangely incongruous that we await the release of a monster when we ourselves have learned to live in peace, if ever. These were creatures who would have been happy to see our extinction. Also, why did they not seal a boy and a girl dragon in that keep. Surely you need both to properly preserve dragonkind.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

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757
757
Review of Agnes  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, James Fillmore Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Agnes" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Stephen has recently been made redundant and got a payoff from that. He inherits a small secluded, very rural, detached bungalow country cottage in Shropshire from his uncle Thomas who died recently. It seems a housekeeper, Agnes, comes with the cottage. He may have some childhood recollection of her also.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So there are three main characters in this plot revealed so far. Uncle Thomas leaves him the cottage and who presumably lived there previously with his housekeeper Agnes. There is Stephen who appears to be at one of those crossroads moments in life when real change is occurring and real choices present themselves. There is Agnes, dimly recalled from an earlier time by Stephen.

A small bungalow with a younger man and a middle-aged woman seems a little crowded. Why he would need a housekeeper is also a little mysterious. What happened to Thomas remains a mystery. How he will pay for Agnes's employment being out of work is another question and why he would want to keep her on at all is also a question here.

Unsmiling and austere Agnes seems set to serve his needs, but with nothing to do, lacking all employment, one wonders why he does not do these things himself. Is he entering someone else's idea of life and leaving his own behind? Maybe his uncle lived like this but why must he do so also?

The plot is intriguing but the success of the overall story remains an open question and depends on the answers to the mysteries raised by this short prompt for the overall novel.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

It might be better if you separated dialog and text with paragraphs. You tell all this from Stephens POV with a strong narrator in the background also


Thanks for sharing.

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758
758
Review of A Weak Will  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, jamesfilmore. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "A Weak Will" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Miss Weston is the niece of the recently deceased and apparently wealthy Mr. Weston. She had thought herself the only heir of Mr. Weston's fortune but discovers instead that there may be another heir, a direct descendent, a son, who would therefore inherit everything. Miss Weston really does not want to believe this is true and is preparing to sue.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

It seems quite a cruel revelation and one which her uncle never shared with her. Maybe had he done so she would have grown up with a first cousin she might have even liked and without the expectation of all that wealth which had given a false sense of confidence. Of course, this could all be a lie but either way, it seems, a battle is looming. There are of course all sorts of questions about why the uncle concealed the fact he had a son from her and cultivated the impression she might inherit? Why she has woven her entire identity around the prospect of inheritance, others who stand to inherit have developed their own lives and identities and consider whatever they get as an added bonus they may or may not receive in time. Is this story just about money, even large amounts of money and the prospect of inheritance or apparent disinheritance?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You call the lawyer Mr. Arrowsmith at the beginning then Mr. Robertson later in the story.


Thanks for sharing.

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759
759
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, nanamom. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "I've Never Seen Anything Like It" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Two friends on a trip down a trail through the forest they have traveled many times together in the past. They see a strange creature shrieking, tripping, rolling the leaves. It throws sticks and it digs in the damp earth. They do not realize what it is until...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So you have introduced the strange creature, two squirrels, and a distraught mother in just 300 words.

The plot was amusing and at first, I thought it a little predictable and unbelievable as I thought it obvious the creature was a child and I assumed that the two friends were two blinkered singles. That got me a little angry as the selfishness and lack of actual reproduction in the singles culture is a pet hate of mine. I say that as a family man with my niece and nephew playing with toys in the living room while I write. So you had my gut reaction all wound up thinking how can singles be so stupid? Do they have no instinct to reproduce themselves or are they just wrapped up in their own selfish stories and pleasures?

THEN I realized you were talking about squirrels and I smiled.

So my experience of your story was a bit of a roller coaster and probably not the one you intended for it.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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760
760
Review of The Park  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Humble Poet PNG - silent now. Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Park" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem that celebrates the woman he married in a beautifully bright park.


*Quill*Commentary

Hey, it rhymes, it has a positive theme. It probably got you brownie points with the wife, so what is not to like here?

For me also there is a familiarity with the park as a place where poems can congeal into words. There is something about nature that bleed away abstraction and the workday nonsense and reconnects us to our souls.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Rhyme and syllable count checked out fine.


Thanks for sharing.

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761
761
Review of Two Mix Ups  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, THANKFUL SONALI Magical Days! Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Two Mix Ups" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A flash fiction entry is done in record time and cheekily shares a good idea that is not fully developed yet. Because it is Christmas the writer hopes for some indulgence from the judge.


*Quill*Commentary

I doubt the judge would have given you the prize for this one, though there was rushed creativity about it.

The word 'apparates' relates to a servant being summoned. But how could a Muggle summon a magic student with a wand they could not work?

I am not a fan of the Harry Potter universe but at least Rowlings got my daughter reading with her books.

I guess Christmas is about undeserved grace and mercy and a mix-up of winners might have worked as a strategy.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

*Smile*


Thanks for sharing.

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762
762
Review of In the dark  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Sumojo Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "In the dark" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Kate hears a crash but then silence from her child's bedroom. Rushing into the room she finds Charlie and he appears lifeless and injured. She phones for an ambulance and is instructed to keep the heart pumping with chest compressions and blowing air into Charlie's mouth until they arrive...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Kate appears to be a blind single mum. Charlie her child has found a way to climb out of his cot and injured himself in the process.

It is a scene all too familiar to most parents whether or not it has actually occurred or been dreamt in nightmares.

I remember as a sighted person watching my child experiment with climbing and realizing the bars needed to be higher or eventually disappear altogether to ensure he and she did not injure themselves in their escape from Alcatraz attempts. For a blind mother all, she would have would be the sounds and the tactile reaching for her child.

This was very well written, the last line surprised me, the first line engaged me, and the text in between kept me hooked.

The plot is life or death and any parent can empathize with the feelings here.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

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763
763
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, jaya Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Those little white flowers." Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Little white flowers paving, fluttering, and adorning the path this cool dawn. Flowers used for decoration or for worship, glowing in the semi-dark of the emerging day. A cuckoo sounds in the branches then temple bells ring. The Lover and Beloved perceive a connection with a Nature perceived as animated with limitless love.

*Quill*Commentary

Interesting and animated description of the natural world and your connections with it through flowers and bird songs. The sounds of the temple also appear as a part of that natural harmony animated by limitless love.

This read as a little impersonal and pantheistic to me but I guess that is the Hindu vibe here. But I liked the celebration of life and nature that it contains also.

In such a scene of tranquility, transcendent abstract disruptions have no place, life changes and evolves in harmony and at its own pace.
I had the impression of being in a land of dreamy colors and peace where I never strived beyond what was given in my circumstances. There was only the moment and walking in the sunlight with the wind on my face.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None.


Thanks for sharing.

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764
764
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, BScholl Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Ship of Dreams (1st Place)" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man on the pier with a lyre sings a song that tempts a woman to jump off her ship and swim to shore. She is knocked out by the ship that runs over her. The son's mother congratulates him on behaving according to his kind.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So Andy is the son of a siren. But he has a problem because most ships are crewed by men. So he has to wait a long time to do his dirty deed and tempt a woman to her death. Pickings are slim and all he can find is one toothless, dirty woman called Berlinda. But she did seem to be cared for by someone as her captain called out in concern. What follows is in effect an act of murder serving no purpose. Some have suggested that the original Sirens were cannibals making at least some sense of the act of killing. But Andy just leaves Berlinda bobbing in the harbor. Why would his mother congratulate him on such a nihilistic and futile act?

Also, how could he see that two teeth were missing from the woman's mouth from the pier looking at a ship which clearly had room to maneuver, was moving at sufficient pace to kill Berlinda, and which must therefore be at some distance from the pier?

If she jumps from the ship how does she end up so far ahead of its path that the captain has time to call out to her and issue orders about coming about? Her death would have been instantaneous and she would have had to have been at the very front of the ship rather than leaning on a rail which would have been towards the side of the bow in most ship designs.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The issues relate to the implausible plot not how it was written up.


Thanks for sharing.

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765
765
Review of He who remains  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, simon331 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "He who remains" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

He has been alive since 1600 and was born in Jaen Spain. He might be an immortal. He has a book of spells with a bookmarked page. On this page is the spell he can use to conjure up his beloved Isabel. He has done this 4 times over the last 4 centuries. The ability to reboot her life appears to depend upon a rose that secures her soul which they planted together in 1645 and which grows in a church flower garden. In the process of doing the spell and while in a trance Isabels daughter Eloise accidentally steps on his rose and breaks the spell. The flower quickly withers and now he is waiting for midnight when he may die or indeed become mortal and begin to die.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You have crammed a lot into the short space of 500 words. You start by asserting his immortality but it seems precarious if it depends on roses that grow in a church garden. Do these roses never stop flowering even in Winter, has the Gardner never pruned the bush? What stops the Gardner or the priest from picking the flower to adorn a church service. Why would a priest respect black magic with such unnatural consequences being performed in his church? Is there any guarantee that this church will always be there? Then there is a magic book with a bookmark in its infinite pages. How did he find the correct page in the first place? When he conjures up Isabel does she appear as an adult, recognizable to him or a newborn baby that must grow? If she died 80 years after the last spell she would be a hundred years old. After the tragedy of the crushed and withered rose and the feelings of now being forever alone due to losing the page in the book, the scene is transported to his tiny flat. Why was the flat so tiny if he shared it with Isabel only days before?

The imagery of the rose is meant to be romantic and the idea of love crossing multiple lifetimes is a powerful theme but in practice, this love seems fragile and his hold on immortality fragile also. He succumbs as do we all to the rhythms of a fallen world.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

the flower garden in the back of the church = the flower garden at the back of the church


Thanks for sharing.

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766
766
Review of Concepts  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Jeff Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Concepts" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Ideas for stories can be given in contests with the prompt. Otherwise, they can be derived from the situations and characters. So the stories are born from what if this happened or what would this character do? A story concept needs to be both familiar and unique. Familiar enough that the audience can connect with it and unique enough to surprise and entertain.


*Quill*Commentary

This is actually philosophically and theologically completely controversial advice. Hegel for example looked for a coherent metanarrative marrying cultural, political, and theological through history. Harmony and unity were the 'name of the game' in his case.

From any religious perspective for example there is a third source of ideas in the religious or ideological narrative subscribed to. Indeed to exclude this notion of absolute ethics, realities, and beings would be to preach moral relativism. I have noticed that English Literature in Western liberal countries all too often excludes the notion of the God perspective and nihilistically insists on 'show don't tell' and clarity of POV because characters and situations are forever lost in the fog of war with no clear overview or shared meta-narrative. But for most of the world that is clearly not the case and atheistic Westerners do not necessarily write books that many peoples would want to read or take seriously. A large part of the world's readers also wants their values affirmed, clarified, or articulated in the books they read.

There is also a political metanarrative that sets boundaries to what will work with individual publishers, patrons, and different cultures. So boundaries are set to what can be said and what cannot be said due to political agendas. In Hungary or Russia, you cannot use your stories to promote a gay lifestyle in a children's book for instance while in the USA apparently, you can. Shakespeare was very careful in his plays not to offend either Queen Elizabeth or King James and his storylines reflected this. But he could mock the French whenever he felt like as they were England's natural enemies and it went down well with his audience. I suppose you could argue this was situational to some extent as a French playwright could slag off the English to thunderous applause from a French audience. But sometimes these narratives as with woke culture and communism seep across national boundaries.

In the Sci-Fi genre, concepts are very often drawn from theoretical scientific possibilities rather than either situations or characters.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None

Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Teenage Poacher  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Dave92706 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Teenage Poacher" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

On a family road trip across the USA, Dave goes fishing in Tent Sleep Colorado. He almost catches a Dolly Varden behemoth Trout, but the trout outwits him with some sagebrush root and breaks his fishing gear. Maybe this was just as well given a great big illuminated sign he spotted on the way back.

*Quill*Commentary

Despite the slow times on the motorways, this sounds like a lot of fun. America is such a diverse country and the Grand Canyon and Yosemite all sound fantastic. I had a bunch of holidays scheduled for my own kids just before the pandemic ruined everything to take them to Rome and Paris and other sites here in Europe. Now we have a lot of catching up to do as things struggle to get back to normal.

The first time I ever went fishing I caught a 1 meter long Baltic Sea Cod. It was a massive surprise and really lucky. Some really experienced fishermen caught nothing that day. I cooked it and made it into a fish curry for the men's group in the church.

Despite the apparent freedom of the roads, I guess large parts of the USA are not actually that free with fishing laws and no trespass signs in an abundance.

Still, this adventure with the fish in the fast river sounds like one of those unforgettable childhood memories.

Glad you survived the experience and I guess you were lucky not to catch the fish.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

A quick Grammarly check reveals a lot of missing commas. There are also spaces before full stops and just before first words in some sentences.

its very boring = it's very boring

FULL EXTEND OF THE LAW = FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Spamchronicity  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, ⭐Princette♥PengthuluWrites Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Spamchronicity" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is all about cooking Spam for thanksgiving.


*Quill*Commentary

I had thought you were going to talk about Spam emails. Even reading through the first stanzas I was trying to find the symbolic linkage. Then I discovered you really were talking about SPAM and that clearly you loved the stuff and the process of cooking the stuff. You made no attempt to describe the smell of the stuff I notice - this was the missing sense here. You even attributed conversation and personality to the chunks you wished to devour.

How can a person assess a poem about SPAM. Does this poem make me want to go right out there and buy the stuff and cook it - No? Do I like the taste of the stuff - it is alright? Would I do as you do and use it for a special occasion like Thanksgiving - it is hard to see the connection with the meaning of the festival which is associated with thanks for the bounty of the harvest, so probably not. Definitely no greens in this meal! So I am expected to synchronize with the author's tastes and her obsession for the stuff - not happening.

But this is the cooking genre so thanks for sharing your cooking experience.

*Quill*Mechanical issues


None


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Adherennium Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Charlie boy Dickens" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

It is all about Dickens, the famous Victorian author.


*Quill*Commentary

The words "Higgledy-piggledy" bugged me referencing one of my favorite authors. The guy was one of the best authors of all time enjoying fame and success in his lifetime. Acutely aware of the poverty of the times and appalling working conditions he himself started working very young when his father was thrown in debtors prison. This guy reeks of reality and his novels and short stories were masterworks. "Higgledy-piggledy" implies chaos and ill-discipline to the man. He wrote on a variety of themes. He was well placed as a political journalist to see what was going on in the country. He had a rare gift to articulate that in a way that made characters and people come alive. He had a profound Christian insight into the rights and wrongs of his age. Visiting the USA he condemned slavery for instance.

Charlie boy sounds like the cockney slang employed by characters in Oliver Twist towards each other.

Most of his novels were written and published as single units. There was a series of public readings towards the end of his life when he did this by installments.

I did not feel this poem captured the essence of Dickens nor the immense social transformations that this prophetic figure helped to set in motion. This man was the Christian conscience of the Victorian era read by the queen herself.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Not really.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of A Day To Remember  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Lady H Author IconMail Icon. This is a Summer Fun Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "A Day To Remember" Open in new Window. via the Summer Fun Raid Review list. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Christine Miller bullies Sophie into organizing a 4th of July party in honor of an American visitor. Sophie is naturally quite lazy, wonders why English people would celebrate this event at all but Christine gets her so riled she decides to do it anyway. She is helped by Josh to pull this off and organizes the best party ever. Mr. Bernard, the American visitor is extremely happy and impressed with her, and Christine*s plan to get Sophie thrown off the school council seems to have failed with spades.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So we have bossy Christine Miller who likes to be in charge and will work hard to maintain her position but who has a strong dislike of Sophie. There is Sophie who has hidden gifts, is able to mobilize others to help her but up until this point has been quite lazy. Mr. Bernard fits the stereotype of rich Americans with open wallets and Josh is the unsung hero in the background with a thing for Sophie and an unexpected reward at the end of the tale.

I thought you described the characters well and then managed their interactions with aplomb.

Christine said she was going to be in Florida but she turned up at the party.

You never really answered the question of why English people would celebrate the 4th of July. General Cornwallis was turning in his grave.

These days with tutorial fees for universities on the rise in England a bursary would probably be quite useful but I am pretty sure British Universities remain a lot cheaper than American ones. The idea of a rich benefactor for university seemed quite American in tone in fact, though I guess many British parents would agree with that having paid for their kids there.

The story was about the party, the conflict between Sophie and Christine and it was also about Josh who proved the real hero of the piece. I have to admire Sophie's generosity in recommending him for the bursary and the kiss suggests that the bond between them was just beginning.

My feeling about the text was that this was an American author writing about a party in England and pretending to be English. But your portfolio appears to indicate you are English so maybe these identities are not that important to you.

Anyway, I enjoyed what you wrote.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Ben Langhinrichs Author IconMail Icon. This is a Summer Fun Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Beware the Mermaid" Open in new Window. via the Summer Fun Raid Review list. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Beware the flirtatious and pretty mermaid who woos sailors with her song, Finally, the sailor succumbs diving into the sea where the mermaid shows her true intent.

*Quill*Commentary

My daughter would hate this poem having grown up on soaps like H2O or Mako, Island of Secrets. Mermaids are friendly teen drama queens not monsters with smiles in her view.

You seem to combine the legends of Sirens and Mermaids in this poem. It was the Sirens that pulled men into the sea with their songs not mermaids.

I thought your opening verse was brilliant:

Give a little grin
Show a little fin
Just enough that he'll wonder.
Flash a little breast
Then he'll want the rest
But away you dive under.

Think I would still prefer to consider mermaids friendly but thanks for the powerful poem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Summer Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Rhoswen - Relentless Victory Author IconMail Icon. This is a Summer Fun Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Summer Memories" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author remembers simpler times when her father mowed the lawn, filling the air with the smells of fresh-cut grass mixed with wild sweet onion. Her mother calls to him to say supper is ready.


*Quill*Commentary

The smell of fresh-cut grass and wild sweet onions evokes a memory from the past. The poem seems happy in tone with the recollection of mum and dad together doing family-type things.

I am not sure who cuts grass after rainfall, definitely not the best time to do it.

But my wife tends to ask me to mow the lawn and this was something I could relate to. We had one massive garden in one house we lived in which required a red beast of a lawnmower. I nick named the thing Stalin because it was a 'might is right' solution to the problem of long grass.


*Quill*Mechanical issues


None.

Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Duke the Fluke Author IconMail Icon. This is a Summer Fun Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Why I love the sea" Open in new Window. via the Summer Fun Raid Review list. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This poet loves the beach, the sound of waves, the feel of the sand, the wind in her ear. They love chatting with friends there and sunset walks there. Then there are the fisherman and the quaint shops on the boardwalks, the food and birds and sailboats. They love the beach parties and the romance of the beach.


*Quill*Commentary

This poem was great and evoked all sorts of memories of the Cornish beach holidays in my mind. I also love the shore and you ticked a lot of the boxes reminding me of the experience. The beginning of the poem was stronger than the end IMHO. The end read more like a list of stuff not said yet

The first stanza was my favorite and had the rhythm of the sea in it.

I do so adore
the roar of the sea,
the sound of the waves
as they pound on the shore.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Variable-length and rhyming schemas for the stanzas. The beginning had a different rhythm to the end.


Thanks for sharing.

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774
Review of Tropical Storm  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Moona Author IconMail Icon. This is a Summer Fun Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Tropical Storm" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The arrival of a thunderstorm. The author is first awoken by thunder and lightning and then the rain starts.


*Quill*Commentary

Nicely done and very topical this weekend here in Germany. Parts of Germany are under floodwaters and hundreds may have died in extreme weather events. In some places, 6 times the maximum rainfall fell in just 24 hours. Some places had 3 months of rainfall in a day. Rivers burst their banks, bridges broke and the death count may rise to maybe over a thousand when the full count comes in.

That said I was cycling home the other day and there was a thunderstorm raging to my left. Blue forked lightning, tall dark clouds, and torrential rain were all a few miles away. It looked kind of beautiful and powerful. I think in our concrete houses and with our excellent sewage systems, we forget how dangerous extreme weather events can be.

In Britain where I grew up, the weather was generally mild and unextreme. Your poem reminded me of simpler times when extreme weather was exciting and a topic of conversation at British tea tables.

My family grew up in India where the kind of monsoon / tropical storm is at least a yearly event. Your description fitted their stories.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Sometimes it rhymed but not consistently.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Early Summer  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Mouser Author IconMail Icon. This is a Summer Fun Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Early Summer" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Succinct description of Early Summer.


*Quill*Commentary

Some poems do not carry across cultures but this one carries over to mine. The grass is indeed wetter in early Summer. I loved the image of the sun appearing to linger on a scene of Summer fun.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was simply perfect and I have nothing negative to say about it.


Thanks for sharing.

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